


The Long Way Home

by carmiehime



Series: The Long Way Home [1]
Category: Sensitive Pornograph
Genre: Comedy, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Secrets, Healing, M/M, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-06-02 15:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 33
Words: 184,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6571753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmiehime/pseuds/carmiehime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aki and Ueno have been reunited, but Aki fears that Ueno won't be able to accept his past. Will that fear prevent them from creating a future?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

Ueno was accustomed to waking up in a variety of ways. When he had been up late, drinking with his friends and getting into crazy, college-student shenanigans fueled by the need to unwind, he rose cranky, tired or nauseous. If he had been a good boy and went to bed at a decent hour, he awoke energetic, chipper, and ready to change the world. Sometimes, depending on what occurred the day before, he woke up sweaty from a nightmare or confused from a puzzling dream. Being a college student working part-time, sometimes he forgot to eat and woke up hungry. On the weekends if he didn’t have to work, he eased into wakefulness, stretching like a fat lazy cat and relishing the peaceful silence of his empty apartment.

Waking up with morning wood, however, was not on Ueno's list of various ways he’d previously faced his mornings. Meeting the day in that manner regularly was something new. While certainly not all that odd, rising while already risen certainly wasn’t a frequent occurrence in his life.

Ueno felt no shame with a hard-on or two. They came, and then they went. He understood that they were a natural part of male existence. His father, part of the health-care world and well educated on the oddities of male anatomy, had talks with all of his boys early on. Ueno had learned early on of the proper ways to deal with them, whether it be concealing the rigidity of his above average- or so the few blessed to see it had said- manhood with his schoolbag or baggy clothing, taking a cold shower, envisioning those he found unattractive in the nude, or the tried and true - and also most pleasurable- method of manually finishing the job.

He even understood that his current situation didn't need to have a specific cause. Ueno knew that erections didn't necessarily manifest because of lascivious thoughts. One of his college buddies had even told him during a conversation colored with the tinge of beer that he got an erection daily, mere minutes before being let out of his literature course, and he had no idea as to why.

The only problem was, these days his erections certainly did have a cause. Of that he was positive. Ueno had been fighting off some lascivious thoughts and memories often enough. 

Ueno had viewed the situation logically at first. Erections weren’t that big a deal, right? If Ueno hadn't been dealing with them each morning for the last six days, he would have continued to consider them no big problem. Not being particularly into pleasuring himself excessively, he had found the task of resolving this issue to be bothersome after the first few releases.

Ueno attempted to always be that affable, laid back, go-with-the-flow kind of guy that he was world renowned for, and he could face virtually any situation with a minimum of drama and more than a few bursts of laughter. Originally, he had found his state slightly amusing; how could he not chuckle at waking up with a hard-on, given what he had just experienced days previous? 

And so as long as he didn’t pay attention to the caliber of that afternoon, the humor remained. Whenever he was weak and allowed himself to not only think about that encounter but actually experience it again, his heart didn’t beat on a proper rhythm, and the resulting sensation of panic was difficult to reign in. He was working on a good fifty-fifty average of keeping his thoughts pure. Unfortunately, due to his increased failures, he was frustrated much more often than standard. 

On the third morning, he hadn't been presented with the opportunity to resolve the issue on his own- it had taken care of itself before he had woken up for the day. Perhaps that’s what had roused him. His sweatpants had soaked up the outcome, but he was aware of what had taken place.

The tingling, euphoric feeling had whirled with disorientation. When he’d shaken away the cobwebs that accumulated during his slumber and realized that the cool, wet sensation down there was indicative of a release, mild shock had taken hold. It had, very quickly, stopped being quite so amusing. He did not normally recall his dreams. He’d never cared before, but now he was forced to wonder what was taking place in his head while his body replenished its reserves each night.

The third day had marked Ueno’s slight change in attitude, with mild irritation setting in. He had prayed this wasn't becoming a new habit. He didn't know if he could handle it every stinking morning indefinitely. Coming was great, as long as it happened when he wanted it to. As it was, the added chores of extra laundry and showers, along with a brief chapter of his life that he had thought was closed re-opening at an alarming rate left him bothered and bewildered.

It had been seven days. Seven days had gone by since his life had been turned upside down- once again. The first had been four days previous to the second. It was amazing, since Ueno had never been foolish enough to let most people have any impact on his life, at least not a large enough impact to alter his lifestyle or mindset. A shrug, an eloquent screw you, and the problem normally passed. The fact that he had let this occur was crazy in itself. Ueno had girlfriends before, and while he had enjoyed their company to a certain degree, he hadn't been one to get caught up in foolishness or dramatics. As a result, his life had always been relatively peaceful. He stayed away from trouble and his gentle, accepting nature had always turned minor issues into amusing memories.

That was why the origin of his current state remained beyond speculation. How had he gotten here? What was it about some slight, genetically perfect, incredibly mesmerizing young man that had his head so messed up?

Okay, so many the origin wasn’t unknown- merely perplexing.

That incident had him operating on multiple wavelengths. If the book of his life before had been written in basic black, today his story was resumed in brightly colored ink. Eating food out of the microwave was something he often did, being a student living on his own, but now it was as if he was eating home cooked foods seasoned with fresh-from-the garden herbs instead of dried and packaged. Those four days following the most sensual, shocking experience of his life had been so very vivid. Then, after running into the man he had never dreamed he would see again seven days ago, every sense object that kissed his senses was almost painful. He relived the experience that he had only believed would be feasible in pointless internet porn almost daily. When he did so, his nerves felt electrically charged, the severed ends continuously fraying and leaving his limbs tingling uncontrollably.

Amazingly, one of the few times he was free from his crazy thoughts that involved that certain man was when he was in the presence of him. Ueno had been afraid that his morning situations would come back with a rigid vengeance during lunch period, but when he was around Aki, he noticed that baby Ueno stayed oddly flaccid. This was most likely due to the fact that he was always slightly on edge, which killed any pleasure and allowed no room for dirty thoughts to enter his mind- for too long.

The lack of arousal was reason enough to cause Ueno relief when he entered the school cafeteria each day. He wasn't quite ready to admit to any feelings towards Aki, hateful, romantic, platonic or otherwise, but if nothing else, he was granted peace when they were together-somewhat.

There was so much Ueno didn't know about the Aki. They had spent an afternoon immersed in each other as complete strangers, an experience that still reduced Ueno to a shivering mass in full recollection. Knowing nothing more than the other man's supposed name, he had allowed himself to lose complete control. Ueno had no negative view regarding casual sex, but he didn't place what happened to him in that same category. What had happened between the two of them was nothing short of amazing and mind-altering. Ueno couldn't identify it as right or wrong, but regardless of good or bad, the exchange had been life-changing.

Try as he might, he didn't think he would ever forget Aki's face, even if they never met again. Ueno was always able to picture the way Aki’s eyes smoldered as they stared into his own, the slight parting of his perfect lips as he panted heavily with each thrust, the soft mewls that escaped Aki's throat as he clung to Ueno. He remembered vividly how Aki's pale skin seemed to almost gleam in the light of the living room, the curves and angles of the other man's body, and how he seemed to be all silk, stretched over taut muscle. It was obvious, even under the vintage jeans that Aki seemed to favor at school. 

Each day they saw one another, Ueno noticed a physical attribute or quirk about Aki. Ueno hadn’t clearly noticed the slight widow’s peak that only showed when Aki was running his fingers through his hair, or just how thin and delicate those fingers were, with their neatly shaped, short nails. It struck Ueno how much more vivid his recollections became each time he saw Aki in person and allowed himself to remember that day along with their exchanges.

Along with the relief he felt, Ueno was granted the pleasure of spending a good thirty minutes daily with Aki. As Aki was a freshman, they shared no classes, so Ueno was only graced with his presence during their break periods, which happened to line up. Aki always sought him out, although Ueno didn't clearly understand why such a gorgeous guy with start potential would prefer to be with him. Aki was an exceptionally attractive man, who even in the most casual and understated clothing always appeared impeccably styled. A mysterious bouquet seemed to waft from him, though he didn’t rude or anti-social. Those soft lips tipped in a serene smile and those bewitching eyes crinkling at the corners would draw anyone in. If Aki would allow it, he’d make friends fast and could spend time with anyone he chose.

It wasn’t as if they had clicked fabulously or anything. Aki wasn't overly talkative. Often there was extended silence, but it wasn't necessarily awkward. Ueno figured that if Aki didn't want to see him and the conversation was bothersome, he wouldn't track him down every day. Because of that, the silence didn't faze him too badly, and in fear of scaring Aki off, Ueno didn't ask questions in excess. Ueno supposed he should be flattered that Aki spent time with him, but more often he felt confusion. He wasn't self-conscious in his own opinion, but he was realistic, and cliques did exist even at the college level. Ueno was well-liked by most of his peers on an individual basis, but he didn't automatically fit into every social circle. He just expected that he and Aki, seeming to be so dramatically different, wouldn't be drawn to each other in social settings. While he was peacefully chummy and spent adequate time with his friends, he was just as likely to go home and do his schoolwork or make a little side money through a part time job. As a result, he wasn't one of the most popular students, merely well-known and liked by most.

Shit. 

Ueno grimaced as he tugged on a pair of socks. His thoughts had directed his focus to an issue that should have long since been remedied. He needed to start hitting the pavement in search of a new income source. He should have started the hunt over a week ago, but he hadn't had the proper motivation. Ueno had considered skipping his classes yesterday in order to do just that, but he hadn't wanted to miss running into Aki.

Right then, Ueno made himself a promise to resume his job search immediately after his lessons later that afternoon. He would then have all weekend to fill out his applications. He didn’t necessarily need the money, but what he didn’t need was to explain to his father why he wasn’t working, nor all that extra time to think.

Ueno shuffled to his entryway, stepping into his sneakers and snagging his messenger bag before exiting. He locked the door behind him, and then began to descend the stairs. He had plenty of time to get to class, but having woken up early again, he didn't see the point in sitting around his apartment. After all, school was so much more interesting these days. He'd rather be there than at home, left slave in the clutch of his memories.

After he endured his first couple of classes, he'd get to spend a little time with Aki before finishing his day. After all, it was Friday, and he wouldn't have another chance to talk to him until Monday. He had resolved to start getting to know the other man better. If he had been a random stranger, getting to know each other might have been easier. In a sense, Aki was still quite the stranger, but after burying himself in the warmth of the other man's body, Ueno felt odd treating him like the average acquaintance. He didn't know the Aki’s full name, his age, his interests, his program of study, nothing. What would make Aki laugh? Was he ticklish? What was his most embarrassing moment? Did he come from a large, crazy wonderful family like Ueno’s own clan? He wanted to know the stuff people usually found out about their partner before they became intimate. Ueno supposed doing everything ass-backwards, as they had, would absolutely result in the type of unease he currently felt.

And then, his curiosity sometimes took an odd turn. As he recalled their afternoon, Ueno took note of something that he did or didn’t do that day, and questions came. They were shameful. The questions brought out the flush in his cheeks, made his eyelid twitch, and made him want to cover his face even in the privacy of his apartment. 

One fantasy that inspired questioning seized him in the middle of his science lab the day before. It seemed silly, but Ueno, in recollection, noted that he and Aki had only kissed once during their encounter. From there, he’d speculated that because they didn’t’ know each other, that fact wasn’t really that strange. That speculation led to a questing thought: what would Aki have done if Ueno had initiated a more intimate, romantic meeting of their lips?

Should he have quickened his rhythm, or perhaps reduced the speed of his thrusts? What if Ueno had been gentler, more liberal with his fingers, more solicitous in his caresses? If they’d spoken, their coupling accompanied by quiet murmurs and whispers, would the experience have more intense? If Ueno had moved to that pale, satiny neck, alternating between swipes of his tongue and gentle sucking, what sound could he have solicited from his mysterious partner? 

Ouch. He’d just used the word partner. As if they had something going. As if they spent any time together outside of the college campus, as if they had each other’s phone numbers and were on pleasant, amicable ground.

Right now, Ueno couldn’t call their relationship anything solid. They saw one another, but their conversation was bland, safe, and didn’t assist them in establishing a comfort level.

He had refrained from asking questions previously, as to not make Aki uncomfortable, but they couldn't continue in this manner indefinitely. Ueno whistled as he walked quickly along his normal route to the college campus. He hoped for at least a couple of answers today. He had no idea what type of label the two of them would eventually fit into, but Ueno, who was typically patient, didn't want to wait too long to find out.

In addition, he had other questions to follow along after the basics, but he knew that they were in no way comfortable enough with each other for Ueno to voice his curiosity yet. Those questions would have to wait. They burned in Ueno's mind, the speculations on how Aki had ended up in that closet, what type of relationship he had with his master, and how Aki had felt after leaving. Ueno also couldn't help but wonder about the injuries Aki had incurred, and if he endured that type of treatment often.

God, who would treat someone so beautiful and so wonderf-

Ueno cut off his train of thought. What did he know? At this point, everything was pure speculation. He quickly sidestepped the subject.

Ueno couldn't wait to hang out with his final pet-sitting charge today, which freaked him out a little. Every emotion proved to be so rewarding, and at the same time unsettling. More than ever, he felt like he was coming closer to a serious upheaval of his very existence. One day one of them would say or do something to tip the scale. He felt that Aki would be the catalyst of this life altering event, whatever it was. Maybe throwing Aki into the mix would continue to agitate Ueno's life, which had been in a state of equilibrium for far too long. He almost chuckled at the chemistry related analogy. At least he’d remembered something from class. Ueno couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt that today would be different.

That anticipation remained all morning, making it almost impossible for Ueno to concentrate during any of his classes. He felt excitement, meshed with a slight feeling of dread. He couldn't quite explain either one, but didn't pay them much mind. Once he saw Aki, the man responsible for all of his stress, each of those emotions would flip to another anyway. But that was fine. 

He felt like he was finally living, which perhaps made all of these emotions worth it.


	2. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

He was going to class this morning. Following his lectures, he’d be returning home to study, and perhaps write a paper before retiring before the late hour of ten. It was the life of a studious, focused college-student. Call him crazy, but this life of monotony was refreshing.

Aki couldn't remember the last time he had eagerly anticipated anything. With a few very specific exceptions, he’d found his life extremely mundane and uneventful- up to a certain point. He’d wanted excitement, and always had. Hindsight was funny. It wasn’t until a few years ago that he’d finally realized that although someone might just get their very wish, that the powers responsible for granting that wish could be vicious bastards with twisted senses of humor. He’d been granted the irregular, unpredictable life he’d craved, but not in the correct form. It was then that Aki had determined the excitement he got wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Or the form it had taken sucked, rather. He’d learned that when wishing, to always be specific. 

He came from an average sized family, and had a decent, quiet upbringing. His parents had made sure he didn't want for anything, but he had never truly been appreciative of the easy life that had been handed to him.

In looking back, he supposed he had been a difficult teenager. Although he came from a good family, he had been displeased with the affection of both his siblings and his parents, preferring to be left on his own. Engaging in activities and antics that would surely leave his parents biting their nails and pulling out their hair had never had the effect Aki desired. In fact, his actions had the opposite effect. Not only was he spoiled, but indulged to the point of ridiculousness, which he supposed fueled his need to create a stir.

Now, he realized that acting up had been a cry for help. Unfortunately, Aki had been sounding a fire alarm when he should have been screaming flood or earthquake. His family had been paying attention, but he hadn’t been giving them the correct clues.

Aki's parents had been more amused than anything else. His father often chalked up his behavior to the spirit of youth. Both of his parents had given him the benefit of the doubt every time, but his father in particular seemed to expect Aki to misbehave. So instead of discipline and questioning, all Aki had received in response was acceptance, understanding, and a ruffling of his hair in most cases. At the very worst, he had endured gentle scolding, provided his actions were alarming enough to warrant worry and warning. 

Aki hadn’t cared for that outcome. He often became quietly enraged, wondering why his family refused to react. Perhaps if they had, Aki wouldn't have turned out the way that he had. The only explanation he could provide at this current point in time was that if his parents had reacted in a desired manner, investigated further, and asked the appropriate questions. Of course, that was just speculation, and Aki would never be able to determine the reason absolutely. 

No. that wasn’t true either. Aki was also more realistic now that he had aged some. His parents were not responsible for the recklessness Aki had possessed. Aki had been desperate for his father to discover the true issue, but too fearful and reluctant to voice it himself. 

He had spent his early teenage years on the brink of going quietly insane. He had done what was expected of him in regards to his schoolwork; earning flawless grades and engaging in extracurricular activities. It was a likely assumption that had he earned mediocre or abysmal marks in school, his parents may have sensed that his bad work, in addition to his outlandish behavior, signaled a more deeply rooted issue.

Truly, Aki could pinpoint the common denominator that had caused him to behave the way he had. Staying out too late, sneaking girls into his bedroom when he knew he was likely to get caught, light theft, and skipping classes had all had disappointing results, prompting Aki to take things one step further, and then another, until he found what he thought would bring him satisfaction. If he wasn’t going to be saved, he resigned himself to make the most of the situation. Aki had even tried nearly starving himself on occasion while his mother fretted over his declining body mass. At least she was finally anxious about something.

He’d never expected to meet someone like Okada. He couldn’t possibly have predicted how he'd end up doing the other man's bidding in such a manner. Despite the man's slightly twisted tastes, Aki had never resented him or questioned his demands. He had asked for his lifestyle, and during his darker moments felt a bit of pride at the knowledge that he was doing something so wonderfully scandalous. He’d straddled a fence for sure, besieged with regret and shame one day, but wallowing in his own indecency the next.  
Was it a need to be controlled? Perhaps a craving for the discipline that he had never received while he was growing up? Or could it have been a desire to feel oppressed, an inability to recognize and appreciate the life that had been offered up to him by his family?

If that was the case, Aki had received what he craved tenfold. Okada gave all Aki had desired, with a few bonuses. That being said, Aki, after a year of living a lifestyle that most others would consider immoral, disgusting, and sadistic, had mouthed off to the man and found himself abruptly freed. Now that Aki no longer had that to fall back on, he felt both exhilarated and terrified. He recognized how sketchy his mindset had been, no doubt, but no matter how detrimental his state of mind, it was his. Plunging headfirst from that life to that of a normal college student had been jarring. Happiness and the depression warred for the crown, and Aki was unable to determine which combatant would rise victorious.

All Aki knew now was that his past was, of course, the past. He didn't quite understand his behavior, but now understood that he had absolutely no desire to repeat past mistakes and continue down the path he had traversed before. At the same time, he looked at his future with a measure of fear. He had been content to remain in that luxurious apartment, playing the part of Okada’s meek, submissive, eager-to-please bottom, until he experienced the most mind-blowing orgasm to date.

Aki had played the stunning, limber, cunning and willing object of many a fantasy for roughly a year. He was no stranger to good sex- or bad sex, for that matter. He had been an active participant, as well as a dormant one, depending on the request or instruction. He had worn a variety of outfits and weathered a barrage of toys. He had been a conquest, an experiment and a role-player. He'd moaned, mewled, cried, purred and screamed with the best of them. He'd been trained to give the illusion to his partner that they were absolutely moving Aki's world, but never in his existence had he actually been as shaken as that day.

Aki recalled clearly that he had rested prone on his side in the living room, panting and shuddering, waiting for his frantic heartbeat to return to normal. Spasms had rocked his recently invaded body and he had felt so weak, the effort to even lift his head a chore. There had been a blaring roar in his ears, so loud and consuming that Aki, had he not been hindered by handcuffs, would have raised his hands to his ears in a fruitless attempt to stifle it. Adding to his distress, the man who had brought that out of him crouched next to him, and asked the most basic yet most unexpected question of all. That vocalization of concern had almost brought Aki to tears. He had told the man to go, that it wasn't safe for him to remain any longer now that Okada’s desire had been fulfilled, although being left alone was not Aki's true wish, only instruction that was imperative for the other man's safety.

As the boy rose to his feet and made to leave, Aki had suffered from a moment of weakness, overcome by the urge to plead for him not to leave him alone. He wanted to press their lips together again, wanted to feel the velvety muscle of the other man's tongue sliding against his own, to wrap his arms and legs tightly around the other and to be embraced in return. He'd wanted to take his time and discover every nook and cranny of the other man. For the first time, the sensations of lust and the reassurance of comfort had been woven together, and Aki had not been prepared for it.

Physically biting down on that weakness and swallowing the words he so desperately wanted to voice, he remained quiet as the man tore out of the apartment. Ueno had seemed, felt different, and Aki suspected had he simply asked him to stay, that he just might have granted Aki's unreasonable request. But Aki had chosen this lifestyle, and that poor, unsuspecting pet sitter didn't deserve to be wrapped up in the cluster fuck that was Aki’s life.

Aki hadn't been able to fully process what had occurred between the two of them immediately, though he had been completely affected and shaken. It hadn't been long before Okada had returned, but by then Aki’s head had been full of chaos and rebellious urges. As usual, the man taunted him, almost as if Aki had planned for the visitor himself. The expected reaction from Aki would have been compliance. Aki would obediently answer all questions, and be released from all bonds for the remainder of the night. His master wasn't a complete, stereotypical monster; he simply had more severe tastes than others, but their relationship was sharply defined, and Aki wasn't a typical prisoner. Aki would take a shower and retire to his room, but he hadn't felt the lassitude that normally took over his muscles and the trance-like calm that followed. That night, all he had felt was disgust. 

Aki had always wondered if the two of them were crazy, but never committed to the speculation. That day marked the first time he seriously considered that he must be sick. A year’s worth of fuzzy memories assaulted him, and the shame finally came. The ass kicking that took place later that night took him even further. The pain had almost been welcome; he’d felt alive again.

Amazingly, after unlocking the door to his new place and gazing at those basic amenities in wonder, he’d slid gingerly into bed, and his mind held no room for anything but wonder. It made his head spin, his muscles weak, and his breath shallow. The reality that he was no longer a slave took him over. 

Mouthing off to his master hadn't been in an attempt to get thrown out, but Aki had not and did not mind the outcome. When Okada had acted completely out of character and lashed out physically, Aki had taken his beating with a minimum of protest. It was a small price to pay, to be released from an existence that he had so suddenly found revolting. Aki knew he never would have severed the ties on his own; the forced separation was a blessing.

As Aki sat now, on a plush armchair among an elegantly decorated apartment, he was again reminded of the dramatic change in his environment. Finding a place to stay hadn't been difficult. His family hadn't asked questions. The only obstacle had been securing his housing without having to actually see his parents, lest they inquire about his injuries. He was healing nicely now and most of his injuries could no longer be readily detected, but at the time, his wounds had been obvious. His parents only voiced the single stipulation that Aki must return to school and work on pursuing a degree, which Aki had immediately agreed to.

As an added bonus, Aki had been able to see him again. Aki was well aware that the other man might not have any interest in talking to him again, but Aki had still approached him, assuming the role of the soft-spoken, unflappable man from the first night. Since then, Aki took delight in the blushes that so often took over the other his face, his awkwardness, and complete candor on a daily basis.

He didn't know how he felt about the man who he learned was named Ueno. He did feel a definite attachment; after all, he had singlehandedly given Aki an experience that finally made him see himself for what he truly was, which was a complete whack job in serious need of help or divine intervention.

Although happy at times, Aki was also faced with a predicament. In order to get to know Ueno more completely, at some point the truth would need to be revealed. Obviously Ueno knew some of it; it would be impossible for Ueno not to have gleaned some information from the situation before him when he had first entered the apartment. Aki's small hints had to make some of the facts pretty obvious as well.

For that reason, Aki had been hesitant to approach Ueno at all when he spotted him at school. His thundering heart had threatened to take flight, and he had felt slightly nauseous. But more frightening to Aki than the chance of Ueno learning of his previous actions was the possibility of this being his only chance to talk to the man, and it slipping away due to Aki's indecision. However, to Aki's surprise, Ueno hadn't seemed judgmental in the slightest, and didn't inquire about his background. Aki knew this didn't mean he was home free, though. If they became any closer, questions would be inevitable. Aki didn't know if he was prepared to explain his relationship with Okada. He didn't want to give Ueno any reason to turn away from him.

He was spared further thought after arriving at school and attending his classes that day, but swiftly returned to his musings toward the end of his third period. Today's lecture was more boring than usual, and that was saying something. He chose instead to focus on what lie ahead after the professor ended class. At least he could look forward to his lunch hour. He could cross the bridge of questioning when he came to it. Right now, Ueno didn't seem overly curious about Aki's past and didn't delve into his business. Perhaps he never would. Aki told himself it was pointless to get worked up about it before it actually happened.

As he tapped his pencil against his open textbook, he looked towards the clock, noticing that unless the professor went into overtime, which was a definite possibility, he only had roughly three minutes before he was rewarded for his good behavior.

Aki had been a good boy all day and all week. He showed to each and every class, completed his course work ahead of time, and did all the things college students did. For most, this was the norm. For him, it was a polar opposite of the life he had once led. Being normal was a struggle, although it shouldn't have been. Normalcy was Aki's desired path now, but he had rejected it at every turn in the before.

Fortunately, Aki didn’t have to wait long. As the professor concluded his lecture and announced the assigned reading for the weekend, Aki stacked his few textbooks and rose to his feet. He was more than ready to go. After all, his reward was probably already in the cafeteria, and Aki was ready for his candy.


	3. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

Lunch time found Ueno seated at his usual table, reviewing his class notes. The class lecture had been easy to grasp, but he despised mediocre grades and wanted to knock out as much homework as possible before the weekend so that he could concentrate on his job search. With only a half an hour for a break, studying was never as intensive as Ueno preferred. 

Ueno paused long enough to reach into his school bag. He rooted around for a highlighter, and then dropped his bag back to the floor. He soon became immersed enough in his studying that he didn't notice Aki's presence until he heard the other boy all but flop into his chair with a sigh.

Ueno jerked before regaining control of his senses. They had never made an agreement to meet for their lunch breaks. Neither of them ever walked away from the lunch hour throwing out a “see you tomorrow”, but Aki always showed up, as if they had. Ueno hoped a sense of obligation didn’t result in Aki feeling forced into meeting with him each day. Perhaps he didn’t know many students yet, or didn’t feel comfortable socializing with anyone else. Still, he was glad Aki appeared without fail. "Aki. Hey."

Aki returned Ueno's greeting with a small smile. "Hi."

Ueno found it impossible not to cheerfully smile back, not with Aki's eyes seeming to twinkle as they gazed at him. "Doing good? How were your classes today?"

Aki set his books on the table before answering. "Fine. Boring, but fine."

"Mmm." Ueno had decided that morning that he would begin with small talk and try to engage Aki in some more animated conversation before attempting to ask any larger scale questions. "Will you have a lot of homework to do over the weekend?"

"I shouldn't, no." Aki brushed a stray strand of silky hair off his forehead. "I have lots of free time after classes, so I’ve been doing homework every night. I won’t have much to do, except edit a report that I've already written."

"What do you plan on doing, then?" Fishing for hobbies seemed safe. 

Ueno's question appeared to have caught Aki off guard. "I haven’t made any plans. With school and all, I haven't had time to get completely settled. I'll probably spend the weekend organizing my things."

"Where did you move?"

"Not far," Aki replied quietly, flipping open one of his textbooks. "It takes me about a half-hour to walk to the university. I don’t even need to use the trains unless I'm in a hurry."

"Any roommates?" Ueno asked carefully.

Aki lifted his head quickly, again startled by the question. "N-no. Not really."

Ueno lifted an eyebrow as he began to peel an orange. "Not really?" What the hell did that mean? It was an easy question, one that Ueno felt should have been answered without confusion. If Aki was already being evasive, Ueno expected a headache during the more difficult, probing questions.

It was Aki's turn to fidget and blush, while Ueno watched in silent fascination. Aki was only human after, but Ueno had a difficult time picturing him flustered. He opened his mouth, attempting to formulate his next foray into the unknown when Aki asked a question of his own. "What about you?"

"Me?" Ueno raised his head.

"Do you live alone?"

"Ah. I do live alone. It's more affordable to have a roommate, but I've been able to manage on my own pretty well. My parents help out too."

"Do you like being alone?"

"Yeah. It's nice to be able to come and go whenever I want, have a quiet place to study, and not have to worry about anyone else making a mess. But sometimes I do miss a crowd. My house was pretty full, and it was great. It had its drawbacks sometimes, but overall I had a lot of fun at home."

"With your parents?"

"Yeah. The house isn’t so full now though. My brothers and old sister have moved out. My little sister is the only kid left, but my grandparents moved in last summer. I guess it’s about the same amount of bodies. And during holidays the house is at capacity." 

“How many kids is that total?”

“Five, including me.” Ueno noticed Aki hadn't touched his lunch, and passed him an orange slice. "You should eat, you know. Your brain doesn't function properly on an empty stomach. And you don't look like you have weight to spare." He glanced pointedly at Aki's slight form.

Aki blinked, and then hesitantly accepted the offered fruit. He answered without contemplating his response. "You sound like my mother." His immediate reply to Ueno's statement surprised him, as he was normally only referred to his own family reluctantly and vaguely. He tried not to mention anything that could possibly prompt further questioning. Talking about his family caused him too much irritation, and made him experience emotions that he couldn't readily identify, now more than ever. Besides, Ueno didn’t need their biographies.

"You hear that a lot from your mom too? That’s part of their job, you know. My mom and grandma love to feed people. That’s how they love on you.”

"I suppose." Aki stared at the fruit he still held between his fingers, as though trying to determine its identity. "I wasn't much of an eater, and it used to upset her."

"Hmm." Ueno cocked his head. "I don't see you as the type to stress your parents out. Maybe you would have rolled your eyes behind their backs, but you seem like you would have been such an obedient kid.”

"Oh, yeah?" Aki absently began to munch on his orange slice. Laughable. 

"Yeah. You don't seem like someone who tries to start trouble, at least."

Wow. Aki swallowed the citrus hard. Ueno couldn't have struck further from the bull's eye if he had tried. Then again, Aki's quiet temperament and submissive manner could have been what lead Ueno to that conclusion. The more Aki pondered that possibility, the more he believed that he probably gave that illusion to many.

"I guess not." Aki replied, flashing a smile that he hoped wouldn't be considered suspicious. "Although I'm sure you probably did."

Ueno laughed. It was a nice sound, and Aki had to give a genuine smile in response. "Of course I did. With two brothers and two sisters, I had to get her to notice me some kind of way. We all did it. She was so busy with everything that if you wanted her attention, you had to piss her off to get it. Unless you were sick or hurt. Then she ignored everyone else. When I broke my arm two summers ago…"

Aki was relieved that he had managed to successfully divert Ueno's attention away from him to a subject that was more comfortable for both of them. He also found the short stories Ueno told about the antics of him and his siblings enthralling. After all, they did culminate into the Ueno he knew now, who he was very interested in understanding. It wasn't fair for Aki to be fascinated with Ueno's past, but feel ashamed of his own, but he didn't the same fun, colorful childhood.

So Aki listened quietly and contentedly, surprised when he glanced at the wall clock and noticed that his break was almost over. "That went fast. It’s almost time for class." "Already?" Ueno appeared to not have noticed the time himself. "Back to work we go, I guess." He stuffed his notebook and pen into his messenger bag, preparing for the end of the day. He only had one class left, and then it was off to the downtown area in search of a job. As pumped up as he had been at the prospect of new employment earlier in the day, he found himself wishing their break could have lasted longer. This had been their first conversation that had seemed full, lacking the usual number of awkward lulls that had become normal for the two of them. An entire weekend would to go before their next chance to see one another. Ueno didn't mind being alone under normal circumstances, but it pulled at him that now that they seemed to be making talking more fluidly that it would be interrupted by a weekend. It would be a weekend, he hoped, that wouldn't increase the distance between them after the small bit of progress they had made.

Aki stood, sliding his chair back to its original location, and began collecting his books. To Ueno’s relief, Aki appeared just as reluctant.

"Aki?"

Aki, who had begun using his injured arm to gingerly tuck his books under his good arm one at a time, raised his head. While he no longer needed the arm sling, he still had to be extremely careful, as his arm was still on the mend and unexpected or unplanned movements still caused him some pain. At Ueno's words, he stopped. "Yes?"

"Where is your next class? I'll walk you there." Ueno slung his messenger bag over his head, arranging the strap to lay across his chest, bag resting against his hip. He then stepped over to Aki's side of table, gathering the remaining books from the tabletop before plucking the others from under Aki's arm.

Gentleman. Aki smiled again, another genuine upward curve of his lips. He observed during several of their lunch time meetings that he was quick to offer up help, as if he felt it was his duty to assist. They were tender, sweet attempts, and Aki felt instinctively that Ueno's actions weren't forced, nor did they disguise any ulterior motive. Despite this, Aki couldn't help but recall when Ueno's caring nature and willingness to help anyone in need landed him in hot water, getting him fired from his job and in what Aki understood was probably a constant state of confusion.

Aki also couldn't help but simultaneously understand that it was Ueno’s caring nature that saved him from his previous life. What a double edged sword. Aki shut off his inner dialogue, opened his mouth, and managed a quiet "Thank you".

Ueno shook his head, disregarding Aki’s appreciation. "You're welcome." He gestured with his free arm towards the closest exit. "Lead the way."

Aki was positive that Ueno was naïve enough not to realize what type of image he was projecting. As far as Ueno was concerned, he was just helping out a friend with a bad arm carry his books to the next class. But it was that considerate, selfless behavior that was Aki's specific undoing. It unnerved him nearly two weeks ago, and it unnerved him today. Ueno had no idea what type of inner reactions his treatment of Aki invoked.

That was fine with Aki. Ueno would see him differently once he knew how fragile Aki's hold on his composure truly was. If Ueno suspected that the man he had sex with eleven days ago was an emotional wreck who didn't know how to accept a simple act of kindness or affection without overthinking the gesture, how would he react? What would he think if he ever discovered how Aki had previously spent his days and nights, of how he had come to live with Okada? Aki was sure that it would be the end of whatever they had together.

Aki almost laughed at his choice of words. He would do well to remember that just because Ueno had given him an experience that made him want to cling and confess all his sins, didn't mean that Ueno felt the same way felt the same wide-eyed wonderment. What they had shared that afternoon hadn't been consensual. Ueno had been a poor, unsuspecting party who had walked blindly into a calculated situation. People did all kinds of things when they were in shock and just because Ueno had complied didn't imply any feelings of attachment.

Even so, Aki found himself revisiting the situation briefly, wistfully, which he did often since he had met Ueno. If Ueno knew that Aki was still fantasizing about the sex, and more specifically, the kiss, he’d definitely be turned off.

He was startled from his inner musings when Ueno spoke.

"Hmm?" Aki's eyes widened briefly and he glanced at his changing surroundings, noting that they were fast approaching the building where Aki would attend his next class. Good old autopilot. He looked toward Ueno in confusion. "What did you say?"

"Do you think you'll finish editing your paper this weekend?" Ueno examined Aki closely, his eyes narrowing in concern. "Are you feeling well? Still hungry? A piece of an orange definitely isn’t enough to-"

"O-of course. I'm fine." Aki forced a smile; one which he noticed did not alleviate Ueno's evident concern. If anything, his frown deepened. "Really. And yes. I should be able to finish. Why? Are you good at editing?"

"I do well enough." Momentarily distracted, he rooted in his back pocket with his free hand. "Do you have a phone?"

"I do."

"Do you want my number? You can call me this weekend if you need any help."

Aki watched as Ueno produced a cellular phone from his back pocket. "Sure. I might need some help." He pulled out his own phone, hoped fervently that his glee wasn’t visible, and punched in the numbers that Ueno recited before selecting the save option and beginning to enter the contact name.

He keyed in the name "Ueno", and then froze. Aki looked up at Ueno, fingers hovering over the keys.

Ueno stared back at Aki, dumbfounded. "What?"

"Well-um..."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know your full name." Aki turned his gaze to the pavement.

Ueno appeared startled as well, and began to laugh. It was a deep sound that came directly from his middle and robbed him of his breath. He braced one hand on his knee, as if it took too much effort to stand.

To say Aki was dismayed was an understatement. Was Ueno laughing at him? However, as Aki debated whether to simply run to class without his supplies or try to wrench his textbooks from Ueno's grip using only one arm, Ueno quickly sobered, clearing his throat.

"I'm sorry, Aki. It's funny to me, because I've thought about that myself. We've never formally introduced ourselves, have we? This is nuts."

Our privates are well acquainted, but that’s about it. Aki looked up, and all he saw in Ueno's eyes was mirth, mixed with ever-present kindness. He relaxed as he realized, once again, that Ueno wasn't looking down on him or mocking him. Aki slowly noticed the humor in the situation as well. No, they had never formally introduced themselves to each other. They had never done anything formally. "We haven't."

"Here, let me have your phone for a minute. I'll program my information in, and you can do mine." Ueno offered Aki his cell phone, and plucked Aki's from his pale fingers. They were both silent as they tapped out their own contact information and swapped phones again. 

"There." Ueno said, satisfaction apparent in his voice as he pocketed his phone. "We've been introduced. That wasn't so bad, was it? Where is your classroom? I don't want you to be late."

Aki reached for the books Ueno still cradled under his arm, but Ueno made a clucking sound in his throat and stepped forward, opening the door to the building and nodding at Aki to proceed. He couldn't help but smile as he led the way to his classroom. Ueno followed Aki into the room, waited from him to get seated, and deposited his books on the desk.

"Your stuff is kind of heavy. Get a bag." Ueno told him, returning the waves of a few of the students he was familiar with in the classroom, failing to notice the curious stares. "That is, unless you want to hurt your good arm too. We can't have that." His smile was full of good humor.

"Your advice is well taken," Aki's cocky, crooked smile was back for the first time that day, "and for your help today."

"Yup." Ueno opened his mouth to elaborate, but thought the better of it and turned to the door. "I'll see you."

"See you." Aki echoed, staring at the shut door with a bit of melancholy. Ueno had very likely left skid marks on the polished floor at the speed he left the room.

His class didn't begin for another few minutes, so he opened up his cell phone and searched for Ueno's contact information, the corner of his lip quirking upward as he located it. It was stupid to feel giddy over learning someone's name, right? Aki pondered this briefly, but his excitement remained.

Phone use was strictly prohibited during class, so he made to turn off the power, but noticed he had received a text message from none other than the object of his thoughts. The message was short and to the point, but after reading it, Aki's face was wreathed in a gentle smile during the entire class. Even after he turned off the phone, the message replayed itself in his thoughts, and each time it did, his smile briefly widened, and he was fearful his cheeks would be sore the rest of the day.

"Nice to meet you." It wasn’t exactly flirting, but hell, it was something. Satou Aki, sex slave turned college student, was geeked out over a text message. A non-sexy, basic, introductory text message. Maybe when he got home he’d roll around in his bed and re-read the thing about fifty times, squealing into his pillow and kicking at his mattress. This sensation was nice, sweet, fun. So despite how silly he must have looked to his fellow classmates, he ran his fingers over the screen, murmuring quietly to himself. "Nice to meet you too, Kuchida Ueno." He liked the flavor of it on his lips, and hoped he’d be able to taste it over and over again.


	4. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

All in all, it wasn't a bad day to search for employment. Job hunting was typically frustrating, especially in the beginning stages. In most cases, anyway. Ueno had spent an eventful afternoon pounding the pavement in search of a job with promising results, so he couldn’t subscribe to the norm that day. The sun was just beginning to set, he was pleasantly tired, and he had safely made it to the weekend. Time for some relaxation. Deciding to call it a day for good behavior, he began his trek back to his apartment.

Ueno reached into his back pocket, fishing for his phone, which decorum dictated that he shut off while speaking to potential employers. He pressed the power button, and then stuffed it back into his pocket. He shifted the strap on his bag to a more comfortable position across his midsection, and then resumed walking. He ended up wandering farther than planned from his intended radius, although he had wanted to work pretty close to campus and his apartment. After arriving home, he would get started on the homework he had left and go to bed. This was a typical Friday night for a stud like Ueno. 

He briefly considering sending Aki another message to inquire about the status of his paper, but quickly silenced the idea. Though they had made progress today, he didn't feel comfortable enough to continue attempting to contact him, especially since he hadn't responded to Ueno's earlier message. Besides, he was pretty sure that Aki would see right through the act; as if Ueno could really be that concerned about a class paper.

Ueno didn't like this state of unease. When he was with Aki, he was comfortable and relaxed to a degree, with a quick wit, and humorous. After today in particular, he felt that he could relax a little. However, the minute he had walked out of that classroom and alone, his doubts had resurfaced. Was he getting too comfortable around him too quickly? Would Aki, who seemed more serious in nature, be turned off?

Ueno told himself that if he couldn't be himself, the effort wasn't worth it, but knew that he didn't really subscribe to that philosophy. When he wasn't with Aki, he questioned everything. Considering he only saw Aki for roughly thirty minutes a day, five days a week, most of his waking moments were spent in confusion.

His musings left him distracted, and he almost didn't notice the scurrying form in front of him. Coming back to himself, he found that he was standing in front of a pillar-like structure, situated in the middle of a circular covered driveway. The pillar separated part of the driveway from the sidewalk. Ueno himself was on the actual sidewalk, and he'd had to pause as a vehicle made a left hand turn onto the driveway.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spied a small figure attempting to cross in front of him. With a start, he realized the form was a small girl who couldn't have been older than three or four, clad in a yellow frock and dress shoes. Her dark hair was collected by matching ribbons into two winsome, tidy ponytails. Seemingly unconcerned with the traffic flying by from both directions, she darted from the sidewalk.

"Hey!" Without thinking, Ueno's arm shot forward and he grabbed her by the wrist before she became a human pancake. To give the child credit, she didn't scream, though she did turn and glare at Ueno with a scowl that would have been truly formidable had she been older, and a small tussle ensued. The girl struggled, but he simply held tight and gave her a glare of his own before speaking.

"Where are your parents?"

The child didn't speak, but she did point across the driveway to a set of elegant double glass doors. Ueno didn't need any further information. He secured his hold on the child's wrist before he turned and began to step onto the driveway towards to entrance of the establishment.

The child then decided to become vocal. With what could only be described as squawking, as she didn't form actual words, she began to struggle anew, and Ueno sighed heavily. To any normal passerby, Ueno could be mistaken as either an older brother or guardian, but also a man of the unsavory type.

To Ueno's horror, the girl took a deep breath, opened her mouth wide, and screamed. "Help!" Ueno, against his will, almost laughed. The child was well trained in what to do when assaulted by a strange man, but she obviously hadn't been schooled on how to cross a busy downtown street.

While he was aware that the two of them were receiving a few surprised and concerned stares from individuals traveling on foot, he scooped the child up in his arms, and strode rapidly across the driveway, fielding flailing hands the entire way. Freeing one of his own to grasp a round handle, he wrenched the door open and strode inside, cursing quietly as one of the child's fists bounced off his nose.

He had just stepped into a hotel of some kind. The cozy lobby had a feel that wasn’t typical of most Japanese hotels nor was it as large, but the quickly shuffling hotel staff, luggage racks, and check-in desk clued him in. He noted that the driveway was likely meant for valet parking. He did a quick once-over of the classy lobby, searching for anything resembling an information desk.

He located it and immediately transported the child, heaving a relieved sigh. "Excuse me," Ueno began, wincing as the girl grabbed his ear with her tiny fingers and began tugging as if her life depended on it, "but is anyone looking for her?"

Before the man at the counter had a chance to speak, a shrill cry resonated in the lobby. Ueno turned just in time to see a young woman rushing towards him, arms outstretched. Ueno could only surmise that the child had been presumed lost. He smiled at the woman that was rapidly approaching, using his free hand to point to the child he held in his arm.

"Does this belong to you?"

The child was wrenched from his arms, and Ueno was unable to understand the woman, as she was simultaneously sobbing and babbling. He watched as the girl was apparently scolded, although half of her words were Japanese and the other half what he recognized as English. The woman took several deep, calming breaths, and raised her head, facing Ueno, huge tears tracking an abundance of mascara down her cheeks. "Where did you find her?"

Ueno pointed to the glass doors. "I was outside, and she was about to run into traffic. I stopped her and asked her where her parents were, and she pointed this way." He noticed that they were attracting a bit of attention inside as well, no doubt from the screaming the woman had done.

He backed away as a blonde, hazel-eyed man joined the woman and child. Both parents turned to Ueno, thanking him profusely.

Ueno smiled again and raised his hand. "No problem. I'm glad she wasn't h- huh?"

What had stopped Ueno short was the currency shoved into his palm. Okay, they were definitely foreigners. Feeling slightly panicked and unworthy of monetary compensation, Ueno immediately attempted to return the money to the grateful couple, but his gesture was disregarded.

His attention was diverted as they were approached by another man, tall and slender with a thick mop of meticulously styled black hair and velvety brown eyes, clad in sharp black business attire, as opposed to the previous couple's expensive but casual wear. The man looked Ueno up and down quickly, and then smiled kindly. "Is there a problem here?"

The mother of the child smiled shakily. "Not at all. We were at the front desk checking out when our daughter got away and we couldn’t find her. He brought her back."

Ueno quickly explained the situation to the man, who raised his eyebrow approvingly. "I see. We certainly thank you for ensuring her safety." He bid the couple goodbye as the valet approached them, stating that their vehicle was ready for them.

"It was nothing." Ueno answered, uncomfortable with the attention he was receiving.

"Is that a school bag? Do you live nearby?"

"Um- yes." Ueno replied, adjusting the aforementioned bag as he spoke. "I'm a college student. And no, I don't live around here. I was just out looking for work, and that's when I caught her running past me."

"I see," the man said again, his expression becoming friendly. "And what sort...” He trailed off as he realized he was no longer the focus of Ueno's attention.

He heard a scuffling behind him, and turned to see an elderly couple approaching the check-in desk. As they set their luggage on the floor, one of the bags, unsteady, toppled over, and several loose items came tumbling out, scattering the ground around them. While the woman berated her husband for not closing the luggage properly, Ueno darted over and quickly picked up the items from the ground, stuffing them back into the bag and securing the zipper before righting the luggage.

The suited man's expression softened as the older woman graced Ueno with a sweet smile. Ueno again found himself the recipient of monetary reward, which he tried to return with no success. He was quickly ignored as the woman turned back to her husband to continue her lecture. Well, Ueno had to assume it was a lecture, since they definitely weren’t speaking Japanese. Was the place full of foreigners? Foreigners who loved to tip for almost nothing?

Thoroughly embarrassed for a variety of reasons, Ueno made to leave. "I'll get out of everyone's way now." He turned to head towards the door when the man spoke again.

"Excuse me, son?"

Ueno turned back to the suited man. Maybe he expected Ueno to return his undeserved tips. "Sir?"

"Would you like to have a seat in my office? I was preparing to leave for the day, but I can spare a few minutes." The man smiled again.

Ueno lifted a brow and repeated himself. "Sir?"

The man's expression turned quizzical and he cocked his head to the right. "I recall you mentioning that you were looking for work. What do you do? Are you looking for anything specific?"

Ueno spread his hands in a low shrug. "I’m not a professional at anything, sir. I’m still a student, so I was just looking for something part-time."

"We should have a seat in my office and talk. This way." The man motioned for him to follow, and he mentally gave himself a shake before trailing him past the lobby area down a dimly lit hallway. As Ueno approached the man's office, he couldn't help but think that it was indeed strange how things worked out.

________________________________________

Aki's thoughts were traveling along the same wavelengths unintentionally. As he flipped onto his back across his immaculately made bed, a slight scowl marred his features.  
After moving out of that apartment, he had managed to avoid his family for nearly two weeks. The inevitable had now occurred, and he was expected to be picked up and make an appearance at his parents’ home that evening.

His wounds were virtually undetectable at this point, so Aki wouldn't have to field questions pertaining to his injuries, which had been his main concern after returning. However, tonight he would be expected to go through the motions and niceties that were necessary for interacting with his family. His parents would ask questions regarding his year away. Aki simply couldn't elaborate, unless he wanted to horrify his kin, but his time in hiding had run out. His entire family, with the exception of his father, hadn't seen him aside from the occasional holiday and very brief visits for over a year. If he stalled any longer, his parents would freak.

Unless Aki could come up with a good enough excuse, he would have to spend the entire evening and possibly the night with his well-meaning but annoying -as-hell relatives. In addition, he would have to back up his claim since there was the risk of his parents coming to check on him. His mother was becoming incredibly antsy; she wanted to see her son, and now. His father had made that point painfully clear on the phone, which was as much a plea as it was an attempt to guilt the silvery- haired man into returning home.  
It wasn't going to get any easier. That was the reason for Aki's scowl. If he didn't do it now, he would have to show his face later. A simple visit would placate his parents, reassure them of his well-being and hopefully get them off his case.

Perhaps he could claim he had too much schoolwork to validate him cutting his visit short, at least. He could get through a few hours with his family, as long as he could leave quickly and return to the solitude that he had come to cherish and crave.

Spread-eagled on his back, he reached blindly for his cell phone, which happened to be plugged into the charger on his bedside table. Unplugging it, the screen illuminated briefly, and he selected his mailbox, smiling to himself as he re-read Ueno's message from earlier that afternoon.

If nothing else, Ueno had proved to have a calming effect, and it was possible that was all he needed. Ueno was a balm to bruised skin.

Ueno was so damn adorable and charming in his awkwardness and politeness that it was all Aki could do to keep his mouth shut and those thoughts to himself. Who would have thought that he could have progressed from living in slavery to having Ueno walking him to class, carrying his books as if Aki was a sought-after school girl?

He always found himself in a cheerier state of mind when he thought of Ueno in general, but when he thought of Ueno specifically, anxiety won over. By specifically, Aki meant the actual progression of their friendship- or whatever it was- which was sure to remain hindered by Aki's reluctance. How long would Ueno wait before he had questions of his own for Aki? How long would he be distracted by Aki's changes in subject before he realized he was being handled and ceased to be satisfied? Would he give up and drift away, or would he demand that Aki come clean?

It was clear that Ueno still didn't know what to make of him, and Aki wasn't helping matters. It would be easier on both men if Aki simply ceased contact and left Ueno alone, but he also knew no matter how logical the thought, it wasn't what he wanted. He felt a chilling sense of panic deep in his core that he couldn't readily identify, merely experience when he thought of severing those ties. Even more frustrating was experiencing that very same sense of panic when he thought of telling Ueno everything. Aki had a sense of foreboding that told him that deep down both options would leave him raw with pain, and separated from Ueno for good.

Lovers or even close friends had the luxury of knowing each other's deepest secrets, and having their undying trust and acceptance regardless of those secrets. Aki couldn’t expect that trust and understanding from Ueno, because he couldn't let Ueno inquire too deeply into his life, not even the parts that seemed insignificant. If it could never come to that, Aki questioned the logic behind remaining in contact with Ueno at all.

Aki, despite being well aware of this truth, longed anyway. Wants and desires didn't always bow down to good sense, and this was one of those times. He had longed so thoroughly that he felt the urges and want flowing through his bloodstream thick and constant, a reminder of what wasn't his to enjoy. He imagined the comfort that went along with having someone in his life that he trusted completely, and who also trusted him, someone who knew and accepted every dirty little action and every embarrassing moment. Aki knew where to place the blame for having these thoughts. One stupid kiss had caused Aki to question what he had been missing and take a good look at himself. All that had been set in stone was no longer absolute.

Throughout the afternoon, Aki had battled with the urge to place the phone to his ear and hear Ueno's voice, even if it was just voice mail. If he kept this up long enough, he was going to drive himself slowly insane. He bit his lower lip worriedly.

Aki, gaining no ground or enlightenment from his thoughts, again read Ueno's message with a sigh. When had Aki been a man that was too frightened to return a simple text message or place a phone call? After all he'd been through, he couldn't accomplish something so minimal?

His fingers, for the fourth time that evening, hovered over Ueno's contact information, but he dropped the phone to the bed and swept a hand through his hair irritably. Who would have thought that living normally would present so many problems?

Life now was proving more confusing than the one he'd led previously.  
________________________________________  
This was too good to be true. Not only had Ueno landed himself a job, but he had rounded up a good one. The pay was more than enough to keep him afloat, much to Ueno's relief, and also worked well around his classes. The suited man, who coincidentally managed the foreign-style hotel, introduced himself as Satou-san, and had taken an immediate liking to Ueno. Adults usually did especially when he showed what a good boy he was. Their conversation had been light and entertaining. Thanks to Ueno's assistance with two of their earlier patrons, Satou-san stated a formal interview would not be necessary, that they could just talk and get to know one another. In fact, it was Ueno's earlier actions that had attracted the man's attention.

Satou-san hired Ueno to do a little bit of everything. Ueno was to be hotel's errand boy, which seemed easy enough. With the increase in business, they had been hard pressed to find some help, but didn't need an additional person in every department, though each department needed occasional assistance. Instead, Satou-san felt that Ueno would be perfect at running errands for everyone, helping several people at once. He was delighted at the fact that Ueno was also a college student; apparently he had a high level of respect for those who worked while pursuing their education.

The few minutes Satou-san promised turned into almost two full hours, complete with paperwork, a tour of the hotel and introductions to the evening staff, culminating with a spur-of-the-moment uniform and shoe fitting along with instructions to return to the hotel on Monday afternoon following his classes.

Having arrived home, Ueno took a quick shower, changing into a pair of sweats and t-shirt before settling down on his worn couch, opening one of his text books, ready to tackle his studying. He had quickly become focused on an assignment, so he jumped when he heard a dull thudding sound in the back of his mind an hour later. Realizing someone sought entry, he hopped to his feet, making his way to the door. Opening it, he mentally groaned, but smiled and allowed his friend entry.

"Haru? What is it? I haven't seen you on a Friday night in a while." Weekends were reserved for dating. He noticed his friend was carrying both beer and cigarettes; he was planning on staying over for a while. Nights that included alcohol normally ended with an impromptu sleepover. The fact that Haru was there in the first place indicated that he and his current girlfriend were on the outs.

"I know." His friend scowled, setting his purchases on the low table, directly on top of Ueno's books. "She's mad at me."

"Have a seat, then." Ueno applied his fingers to his temples, massaging gently. The invitation was not necessary, as his friend had already collapsed on the couch, and was opening his first can of beer.

By the time his friend had finished his sixth beer, Ueno was still nursing his first. He could drink with the best of them and did just that on a special occasion, but he wasn't in the mood today. He was floating on another kind of high, and didn't need any mood enhancement. While his friend lamented on the state of his romantic affairs and filled the apartment with cigarette smoke, Ueno peered at the clock, noting the time before he groaned quietly.

Ueno was distracted at the hour by the trilling of his cell phone. He snapped over the flip, wondering who else was about to inconvenience him this late on a Friday night. The bottom dropped out of his stomach and his eyes widened as he read the display, and he cleared his throat before answering. "Aki?"

Hearing Aki's quiet voice made Ueno want to smile, but he quickly fixed his expression, as his friend was watching him with interest. Ueno kept his voice low. "What are you doing?"

"I spent the evening with my parents- just got home. I hope I'm not bothering you. It’s a little late." Aki sounded worn out, and Ueno wondered if it was simply fatigue or something was bothering him.

"Of course not. You sound exhausted."

The sound Aki made sounded suspiciously close to a chuckle, but not quite. "You could say that."

"Are you okay?"

"Of course." Aki didn't just sound exhausted; his tone carried with it what Ueno could only recognize as dejection, and a resigned sort of emotion.

Ueno paused. He didn't want to say anything that could be misinterpreted as insensitivity, but also didn't want to come across as trying to be the other man's counselor.

Aki sighed. He hadn't meant to bring the other man down with his mood. "I'm sor-"

Ueno interrupted, yelling out in frustration. "Will you please smoke outside?"

Aki nibbled on his lower lip. He hadn't realized Ueno had company. He battled with the urge to hang up, but simply held on. The conversation that he was privy to was interesting enough.

"Why? It's never bothered you before!"

"One every now and then isn’t a big deal. You've never been depressed enough to smoke five cigarettes in a row. You’re stinking up my apartment. Go outside and finish that."

"I'm depressed, and you're gonna to make me go outside?"

"Exactly."

"I'm glad I came over. I can always count on you for support. You're supposed to be on my side, aren't you?"

"You're right. It's her fault that you spread gossip about what the two of you do together all over campus and it got back to her. I'm such an idiot for not understanding sooner. 

Go outside. And don't come back in until you're finished."

Aki heard a wham, some muffled shouts and banging, and then all was silent again.

"You still there, Aki?" Ueno sounded apologetic.

"I am. So you're playing the love doctor tonight?"

Ueno released a sharp crack of laughter. "If that's what you want to call it. Haru gets needy when he's alone. He came over to drink and tell me his woes. Gotta love friendship.”

"Haru.. short for Haruki?"

"Yep." 

Fu.. Fujioka Haruki?" 

"You got it."

Aki repeated the man's name slowly, drawing out each syllable. "Hes' famous. The diddle king, right?"

"The what?" Ueno slid to the ground, leaning against his door while his friend jiggled the door handle, attempting to gain entry.

"That's what I heard some of the guys calling him around campus. They say that he dates a lot of girls, but they don't usually let him go any farther than that." Aki explained calmly. “I also heard that as a result, you shouldn’t ever take anything from his right hand.”

Ueno couldn't help it. He burst into uncontrolled laughter, then dissolved into a fit of coughing as he choked on the smoke lingering in his apartment and lost his breath.

"Ueno?" Concern was evident in Aki's tone.

Ueno attempted to speak around the wheezing. "I'm sorry. He's been smoking." He laughed again. "I wonder if he knows about that nickname. No wonder his girlfriend isn't talking to him. You just made my day. Now I have something to torture him with."

"I'm glad I was able to help." Aki's amusement was evident. "If you sit in the school lounge long enough doing homework, you hear all kinds of wonderful facts about your peers, although I haven't heard anything bad about you yet."

"Lucky me." Ueno took a deep breath, returning to calmness. "I'd hate to hold the same title."

"It doesn't suit you, I don't think. Listen, does your offer still hold?"

"Offer?" Ueno tried to remember any offer he may have given.

"To help me with my paper." Aki glanced at his printed out report, which he deemed completely adequate for turning in. As a matter of fact, Aki deemed it perfect, but it didn't hurt to have it reviewed by another individual. It also didn't hurt to be able to see Ueno over the weekend.

"Oh, of course." Ueno stood, unlocking and opening the door for his friend. "How about tomorrow? You can come over here if you want." He glared at Haru. "I should have the cigarette smoke aired out by then."

"I won't be interrupting any plans?"

"Don't worry, you won't. I'll be doing homework too, thanks to this guy." Ueno proceeded to give Aki his address.

"What time should I be there?"

"Whenever you want. I'll be home all day." Ueno had to remind himself to breathe slowly, as his heart rate was becoming more rapid as he realized exactly what was taking place. It was just an appointment that was homework related, but it felt like more than that. He felt an anticipation that he knew wasn't normal for a typical study date.

Ueno looked toward his friend, who had again collapsed on his couch. Gargantuan snores were beginning to echo throughout the apartment, and Ueno breathed a sigh of relief. He'd kick the other guy out first thing in the morning, but he could sleep on the couch until then.

"Thank you. I think it just needs to be cleaned up a little."

"I'll do what I can."

"I'll see you tomorrow, then." Aki paused, waiting for Ueno to reply.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Aki?"

"Yes?" Aki listened to Ueno's mumbling, wrinkling his brow. "What did you say?"

Ueno was grateful that Aki couldn't see the blush that had taken over. He wished he hadn't said what he did, but it was too late to retract his statement now. "I said that I'm glad you called."

"Oh." Aki smiled to himself. He was glad that he had called as well. As expected, talking to Ueno had definitely put him in a better mood and lighter frame of mind. "Me too. I'll see you tomorrow."

After they disconnected, Ueno entered his bedroom, set his phone on his dresser and found a spare blanket. Returning to the living room, Ueno carelessly threw it on top of his friend and quickly retreated to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

It wasn't a date or anything of the kind, but it was an opportunity to see Aki outside of class. The prospect of spending more than thirty minutes with him had him almost humming as he fluffed his pillows before turning out his lights and throwing himself face first onto the bed.

It took him a while to fall asleep, as he pondered whether he should make anything, whether or not he needed to clean, where he should sit, and all other incredibly trivial concerns. When he finally drifted off, it was with the thought in a few short hours, he could finally relax again.


	5. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

Morning had progressed to cloudy afternoon before Aki headed over to Ueno's apartment. He hadn't wanted to show up too early, to appear overeager. In addition, even if he had wanted to set out early, he couldn't have managed it. Aki wasn't an early riser if he didn't have to be, and it took several minutes after waking up to realize that he actually _was_ awake. It took even longer for him to remember who he was, get his bearings, to recognize the burning in is belly as his bladder screaming at him to take a leak _right now_ or suffer the consequences, figure out the day of the week, and what he had to do that day. Therefore, Aki took his time waking up and getting ready.

Instead of trying to figure out how to get to Ueno's apartment on his own, laziness inspired Aki to hop into a cab. He wasn’t familiar with the area, and cabs were predictably easy to get from his residence. After getting to Ueno’s place once, he figured he'd be able to get home on his own if need be. He gave the driver the address and settled against the white lace-patterned seat cover, setting his laptop bag on the seat next to him.

The ride wasn't lengthy if Aki actually thought about it, though it felt like forever. He tapped a finger impatiently against his knee while the cabbie turned off a main street into a residential area and stopped for pedestrians.

Aki paid the driver the required fare and hopped out of the cab, arranging the strap of his bag on his shoulder. The apartment complex looked new and tidy but not extravagant, with the numbers printed clearly above each door. Aki climbed the short flight of stairs after locating Ueno's apartment, and made his way to the door. He lifted his hand, prepared to knock, but stopped, arm suspended. He lowered his hand and strained to identify the noises coming from the other side of the door. A female voice reached his ears along with the clanking of dishes, a few loud squeaks, and what was probably a television set.

Aki raised a brow. Wrong apartment? He specifically recalled Ueno mentioning that he lived alone. He fished around in his bag for the small slip of paper that he had scrawled Ueno's address on the previous night, and then shook his head. Nope. If Ueno had given him the correct information, Aki was at the right place.

He reached out to knock again, but halted as he heard a yowl that he was _positive_ was not human. _Hmm?_ He raised his brow again, but quickly collected himself and managed to administer two short raps on the door. May as well satisfy that curiosity and get this party started.

The door opened after a short wait, and before Aki could back away from the door he found himself face-to-face with a set of light brown eyes, almost the color of tea. "Hi. Can we help you, sir?"

"I must have the wrong apartment. I-"

Aki stopped as someone called out from inside. "Who is it? I’m expecting someone."

That was Ueno's voice, without a doubt.

The girl smiled. "What's your name?"

"Aki. I go to-"

This time the girl cut him off. "His name is Aki."

"Let him in, Sora." Ueno called from somewhere inside, and the girl stepped aside to allow him entry.

"I'm Sora, Ueno is my big brother."

Aki let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and he slowly walked through the doorway, the girl closing the door behind him. He took a moment to view his surroundings while he toed out of his shoes, puzzled. The first thing he noticed was a small dog of the designer fusion type, though he couldn't identify what breeds had resulted in the tiny fuzzball. The thing gnawed furiously on a chew toy, front paws on the floor, fluffy butt in the air, tail wagging like crazy. Sora snatched the toy from the dog, which resulted in another howl. Aki watched as she threw it gently, and giggled as the furry little football bounded after it.

The interior of Ueno’s apartment looked like a convention center hosting an estrogen conference. On top of the girl that introduced herself as Ueno's sister and the tiny canine, he spied another woman sitting on the floor balancing an infant girl in her lap while efficiently folding laundry, and another older woman, most likely a grandmother, stationed in the small kitchen. Ueno was standing next to her, chopping vegetables. They were speaking too quietly for Aki to decipher their conversation.

Ueno lowered the knife and turned around, giving Aki an apologetic smile. "Hey. Have a seat somewhere. I'll be done in a few minutes."

Aki slid out of his jacket and sat down on the couch. He was immediately joined by Sora, who squeezed in on his right side. He almost jumped as the left side became occupied by the woman holding the child. He smiled for their benefit, but he was a bit nervous at the attentive looks he received.

"Aki," Ueno called out from the kitchen, returning to his vegetables. "That's my little sister Sora, my mom, and my niece Suzume. And this one in here is my grandmother." Ueno gestured slightly with the knife.

"It's nice to meet all of you." Aki automatically supplied, as good manners dictated. He set his bag between his feet. Ueno's grandmother left her post in the kitchen after ensuring that Ueno was following her instructions correctly, and approached the couch.

The grandmother had indeed aged gracefully. With her clear, sharp brown eyes, smooth pale skin and thick white hair that still had strands of dark brown sprinkled throughout, she’d likely been a gorgeous youth. She was small in stature, and Aki guessed she couldn't have been taller than about five feet, slender and petite. He could also tell that despite her height, she was still an authority figure. She met Aki's eyes and smiled sweetly.

"Why don't you join my grandson? He could use a hand. I’d like to sit down for a moment, but my little bitty grandson here is clumsy enough to slice off a finger without proper supervision." She gestured with her head to the kitchen area.

"Yes ma'am." Without thinking, Aki stood, and made his way to Ueno's side, noticing that the older woman immediately took his vacated seat. He surveyed that Ueno appeared quite skilled in the art of slicing vegetables, despite his grandmother’s assessment. He greeted him quietly.

"Hi."

"Hey, Aki. Sorry. My mom usually stops over every couple of weeks to visit. I forgot she was coming today." Ueno moved on to another vegetable. "She and my grandmother like to come by with groceries. They cook, clean, and basically take over the place, but apparently today I'm helping with the prep work. I don’t think she’s feeling well today, though she’d never admit it."

"Don't be sorry. I can handle my assignment. Besides, I don’t want to interfere with your family time. I’ll just head home and see you at school on Monday, okay?" More than thirty minutes with Ueno without an audience had almost been his. The disappointment could not be helped, but he managed a half-smile to help take the edge off of his words.

"Hey, now. You can stay. They've been here for hours and they’ll be heading home pretty soon. I hope." He paused, thinking about his words. "Unless you're uncomfortable. Are you? My family isn’t so much into formality once you’re in the house and introduced, and they’re real nosy. Once you go back out there, they'll be all over you, you know. They love to sniff out new people, and I'm not talking about Hana."

"Hana?" Aki cocked his head to the side.

"My mom's dog."

"Oh. I can field a few questions. If you don’t mind, I’ll stick around, then." Aki smiled fully. "I can't have you hurting yourself, anyway. According to your grandmother, you're not worth much in the kitchen." He passed Ueno a handful of rinsed carrots. “Though, I can’t cook at all.”

“No?” Ueno chuckled quietly, delighted that Aki was actually teasing him while wondering if there was someone around to cook for him or he existed off convenience store fare. "I can cook, but I have the random clumsy moment. I almost lost a finger once, and my grandma constantly thinks about that when I’ve got a knife in my hand. ‘ _If you can’t hold a knife steady and slice food evenly, how are you going to operate on a poor sick patient, even if you do make it through med school?_ ’ is her favorite line. According to her, the kitchen isn't my best room."

"Which one _is_ , then?"

They were both silent for a moment. While Ueno likely hadn't meant to include any adult connotation in his comment, both of their thoughts were bouncing around on the same wavelengths now, thanks to Aki’s question.

Aki figured he already had Ueno's best room accurately labeled, but he wisely kept his opinion to himself and merely observed while Ueno swiftly peeled and sliced up the rest of the vegetables without incident before calling to his grandmother that he was finished. She quickly shooed them both out of the kitchen and into the zoo that was Ueno’s living room.

* * *

For the rest of the afternoon, he was aware of Aki's presence, and acutely so. He lay on the floor, Hana curled up in a tiny ball on his stomach, as Aki endured endless questioning from his mother and grandmother. The questions weren't overly invasive, much to Ueno's disappointment; they pertained to his schooling, course or study, and information along those lines. He watched as his mother deposited the baby in Aki's arms, the panicked look on his face when his mother handed him the bottle and encouraged him to feed her, and of the pained expression in his eyes as his grandmother continued to feed him. Toward the end of their visit, Aki visibly relaxed and looked like he may have actually started to enjoy himself. He smiled more readily, and became a bit more engaged in conversation.

Ueno felt like beating his head against a wall. His thoughts kept returning to that casual remark Aki had made back in the kitchen earlier. Man, he didn't need to have thoughts like this with his family in any proximity. His kitchen wasn't large, and Aki had been close enough to touch, close enough to smell, close enough to share his body heat. He gritted his teeth because most importantly, he had been close enough to kiss.

At least his kin were immediately taken with him. Then again, his family liked most of his friends, except for his grandmother. The fact that she was trying to force Aki into a food-induced coma was a good sign. She fed those she was fond of.

His family cleared out far too late for Ueno's liking. It was already dark outside when he and Aki bid them all goodnight after his mother finished putting away Ueno's clean laundry, cleaned the kitchen and stored all of the prepared food. He shut the door and turned as Aki stood next to his couch, indecisiveness coloring his features.

"I should get going too." Aki hefted his bag and slung the strap over his shoulder. "I'm sure you have things to do."

He didn't. "You can stay if you want. You're not keeping me from anything."

Aki paused. "If you're sure. I don't wa-"

“I am." Ueno said confidently, gesturing to the couch. "Besides, I haven't even looked at your paper yet." He watched as Aki again set his bag on the floor and took a seat. He settled next to him. “Let’s see it.”

Aki unzipped his bag and pulled out a neatly stapled sheaf of paper, handing it over.

Ueno relaxed, leaning back into the cushions as he started on the first page while Aki waited patiently. He suddenly stopped and turned his head to Aki, his dark face quizzical. "Are you serious?"

Aki stared back, his expression innocently confused. "What do you mean? I thought I’d done a decent job."

He handed the papers back to Aki. "You've got to be kidding me. That doesn't need _any_ editing. From now on, you're required to proof _my_ writing. Or are you one of those overachiever types?"

Something told Aki that Ueno was one of those types. He sighed. "You caught me."

"You knew you didn't need any help?"

"I didn't think so. As far as writing is concerned, I usually don’t, so..."

"Why didn’t you say so?"

Making up a lie on spot while flustered wasn’t going to fly. Might as well come out with it. He stared at his clasped fingers as he spoke. "Two days is a long time."

"What are you-" Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, recognition dawned in his eyes, and his breathing quickened. He answered shakily. "Oh. Two days does seem a little long, doesn't it?"

"This time, it does." Aki rested his hands at his sides and he sighed again. "I didn't mean to be dishonest. Well, I did mean it, but I’m sorry for being selfish, for wasting your time. "

Before Ueno could consider the consequences of his actions or even comprehend what was about to occur, his mind took a back-row seat to his emotions, and he covered Aki's hand with his own. "It's okay. I couldn’t ask, either. Didn’t know how, really, since whenever we talk the conversation is always really basic. But… you’ve never wasted my time. I sometimes wondered if I-I was wasting yours."

Aki trained his stare on their locked fingers. “Silly,” he said, his whisper almost inaudible, “what are you saying?”

Ueno may have moved first, but he wasn’t positive. Nonetheless, there were two points in time that he recognized; the first, with his hand merely resting on top of Aki's, and the second, with Aki's fingers carded between his, with no distance separating them any longer. Ueno's thigh rested against his, their shoulders brushing, Aki's clean scent wafting into his system, his warmth soaking into his skin.

Ueno had been trying mightily to be laid back over the last couple of weeks, trying to make them more comfortable with one another, but right then, he realized that all he had accomplished while attempting to play it safe was driving himself insane. He watched from a detached perspective as Aki slowly moved closer, turning to the side, squashing their tightly linked hands between their bodies, but the moment he felt Aki's breath on his cheek, it was Ueno who slowly raised his other hand to gently cradle the back of Aki's head, his fingers splayed and embedded in his soft hair, urging him closer.

Ueno had never thought to rate any of his kisses, but he had always assumed he did well. Now, he couldn't recall any of them being as eagerly anticipated as this one. Every aspect of this one was important and to be remembered; the gentle brush of the tips of their noses, the tingling sensation of Aki's breath on his cheek, the slow flutter of Aki's lashes as he closed his eyes, the soft sound that emanated from one of their throats, though it could have been either one of them. Every moment leading up to Ueno drawing Aki closer and the eventual pressing of their lips was just as wonderful as the kiss itself.

Ueno followed Aki's lead; he turned his body to the side to allow them to press themselves more closely to one another, to fill the gap. When their legs, bent at the knees, prevented them from achieving the closeness both of them sought, they became as entangled as their still-joined fingers.

The kiss was soft, slow and experimental in the beginning. Once it increased in intensity, their lips parted frequently for small gasps of much-needed air, only to be drawn back together. In the back of Ueno's mind, he registered that Aki's free hand, which had somehow found its way to Ueno's hip, was trembling, and he reluctantly released his hold on Aki's hair to tightly grasp his shaky fingers, breaking the kiss.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, his voice surprisingly thick and unsteady. "You're shaking."

Aki nodded furiously, too unsure of his own voice to utter a reply. His response would have been too deep even if he _could_ have spoken. Instead, he answered by pressing soft kisses to Ueno's chin, eyelids, and forehead before he found his way back to his mouth. He wrenched his fingers from Ueno's, running his hand along the ring of Ueno's t-shirt until he reached the back of his neck and slid his fingers just below the collar line, resting his warm fingers against the firm skin he discovered.

Ueno battled the lightheaded feeling that threatened to result in unconsciousness, the frantic heartbeat that threatened to shake his entire apartment. He didn't want to miss a second of the sensation that Aki's feather soft lips invoked in him, and he held on, succeeding in maintaining his wits as the kiss returned to slowness.

On some level, Ueno didn't want to kiss to _ever_ end, which didn’t at all explain the relief he felt when it did. He was enjoying himself more than he could have anticipated, but he was well aware of the fact that any more activity would have been extremely dangerous, and his senses were charged enough as it was. Anything more would send him into complete overload.

Instead, he returned his hand to back of Aki's head, and without understanding the unconscious need coddle, began massaging the soft skin gently while Aki rested his lips against Ueno's neck, waiting for his breathing to slow. On that other relieved level, Ueno was startled at the calm he felt, the easing of tension he hadn't realized had been present. He brushed his foot against Aki's, lips curving upward uncontrollably when he received an answering nudge.

"You should ask me for fake help with your homework more often. As your upper-classman, I’m obligated to serve." Ueno said when he could find his regular voice again.

Today was full of firsts; the kiss, and now Ueno was blessed to hear Aki's first snicker. "I really _do_ need help with mathematics. Honest." If possible, Aki rested against Ueno's body more solidly.

They remained that way for quite a while, in comfortable silence. Neither of them felt the need to sully the moment with deep conversation or needless small talk. Eventually, Aki did gently disentangle their limbs with a sigh.

"I really _should_ go now." The words came, but his heart wasn’t in them. It appeared to be manners that were driving Aki's statement, not an actual desire to leave, but Ueno wasn't offended. It might be better to part ways before Ueno lost control of his good sense and things went too far- or he made a fool of himself. A good regroup couldn’t hurt after a day full of such progress.

"Mmm. Okay," Ueno agreed. "I should focus on studying for the rest of the night, anyway. I’ve had too many pleasant distractions."

"I thought you didn't have much." Aki questioned.

"I don't have much due on Monday, but now I'll need to work ahead this weekend so that I can be ready to start work on Monday."

"Work? You found a job between yesterday and today? That was fast."

"Yeah." Ueno sat up straight and stretched. "I went job hunting yesterday after class. I didn't expect to find a job so quickly, but I was offered one on the spot that seemed pretty sweet, so I took it. I'll be working mostly during the week."

"More bunnies to care for, perhaps?" Aki smiled.

Ueno couldn't help but laugh before continuing, the referral to his past job no longer an uncomfortable subject. "No, I won't be working with animals this time. Anyway, I got hired to run errands, pretty much. I was told that I'll be hanging around the hotel until they need me, and that I could do homework then, but I don't want to worry about all that while I'm trying to get comfortable with the place."

Aki straightened. "A hotel? Which one?"

"It's that's small foreign hotel downtown. La Maxe. Ugh, I probably pronounced it wrong."

Ueno saw a flash of something pass over Aki's features, and his beautiful eyes widen briefly before his expression returned to normal. It was so fleeting he felt that he almost imagined it. He watched, dumbfounded, as Aki stood abruptly, snatching up his bag.

"I'd better go. I'll see you on Monday."

"Okay." Ueno frowned, wondering what had caused his sudden rush. "Monday, then."

After he shut the door behind him, he actually _did_ bang his head, although it was against the door frame and not a wall. Should he have offered to see Aki home?

_No_ , he told himself. Aki hadn't even given him time to make the offer. Besides, he’d obviously wanted to separate for the time being.

Ueno abruptly decided to end his day early. His homework could wait until tomorrow, and there was no way he would be able to focus anyway, not after watching Aki run out on him. The night had looked so promising, even though Ueno had no intention of taking matters any further that day.

But then, Aki had almost _ran_ away from him, as if he couldn't have left fast enough. Had he suddenly regretted what happened between them? As he settled into bed later that night, one question bounced around within his skull relentlessly, and he knew the rest of the weekend wouldn't be pleasant.

What had Ueno done to drive Aki away?

 


	6. The

Kissing was supposed to good for the soul, or so he had heard many a time. He didn’t kiss much, though.

Aki supposed under normal circumstances, it would be. Under _his_ circumstances, things were different. The time he spent pressed against Ueno's body had been nothing short of spectacular, and he had been loath to allow it to end so quickly. It had been simple, with no hormonal grinding and groping, which had been a first for Aki, but he didn't consider it a negative. It seemed only natural that his firsts took place with Ueno.

To admit that he didn’t often engage in sweet, slow bussing wasn't to say he wasn't sexual or physical; kissing just hadn't been required for most people to get off, and getting off had been the only goal. Aki hadn't realized what he had been missing until Ueno, but he wasn't bitter over what he’d lacked. Kissing proved to be too sweet and intimate to be taken lightly, so if anything, Aki was grateful that he hadn't experienced those sensations with many.

Aki understood why he wasn't floating on clouds of elation. He only wished the situation could have been different. He had allowed the situation to get out of hand. The complications associated with maintaining a normal friendship or a relationship were beginning to add up. He knew it was inevitable; he'd told himself so several times. He knew that allowing Ueno to get closer to him would make life difficult. But he also knew that he wanted that closeness badly enough that if his head wasn't clear, he would lose himself. Caution ensured safety, but it also invited frustration and pain.

Only, he’d disregarded that rule on Saturday. Even while aware of the consequences, he had knowingly disregarded all reason and indulged. After their lips met, Aki couldn't have stopped even if he had wanted to. Any more time together in that fashion may have led Aki to remove his clothes or fall asleep in Ueno’s arms. He wasn’t sure which, but Ueno brought out each urge. After all, he was human, and Ueno was warm, sweet and heady. Wasn't he allowed to be surrounded by it for an hour, to have fun once in a while?

He had been asking for trouble. And to make matters worse, Ueno had let something slip that was even more disturbing. Aki now completely understood what _shit hitting the fan_ implied, and he hoped that he never came to know more intimately.

So Aki paced. He walked the perimeter of his bedroom, then around the coffee table in his living room. Cabin fever wasn't something Aki normally suffered from. He wallowed in that apartment, basking in the beauty of solitude, of having his own space, but the fact that he couldn't leave made him desperate for movement.

Lunch today had been painfully normal. Normal wouldn't have been bad, if they hadn't crossed the line Saturday. He asked Ueno simple, empty questions and inquired about the rest of his day; when he would be done with work, his studies, and so on. It had been disappointing for Aki to sit across from Ueno and not mention their day together, which Aki had enjoyed thoroughly, even the meeting of his family. Ueno's family appeared so tightly bonded and loving that Aki had no doubt why Ueno was so well-rounded and easy going.

Aki’s temporary lapse in good sense wasn't fair to Ueno, and he hadn't missed the resigned look in Ueno's eyes as he had left. It made him feel horrible, since he knew that he was the one that put that look there. Aki knew that just because Ueno was so easy going in nature didn't mean that he would accept _everything_ , or that he would be able to wrap his head around Aki's situation. Everyone had their limits. Ueno couldn't be an exception.

So Aki kept quiet about Saturday, in case Ueno used the conversation to segue into questioning why Aki had left so hurriedly. He could sense Ueno's frustration and confusion, but he couldn't reassure him. He hadn't _wanted_ to leave; he had been perfectly content resting against Ueno's body, breathing in his clean scent and absorbing the heat emanating from his firm body. He could have stayed all night, working on their bond while exchanging comfort and kisses.

He would have happily done so, if Ueno had asked, if Ueno hadn't said what he had. He'd felt the need to go home and regroup. He didn't want to mask his expressions, to hide his thought processes, but that annoyance was out of his hands, had been for years.

Aki glanced at the wall clock and noted the time; it was half past eight. He had a little less than half an hour to kill before he could rest easy. He absolutely could not do this night after night. Aki was being silly, but he couldn't help it. He needed to relax, and a shower would help.

Aki undressed in his bedroom, tossing his clothing into a hamper and walked into his spacious bathroom. He would take a shower, and then soak in the tub with a book or magazine. By the time he finished and got dressed, it should be well after nine.

Aki took longer than planned, taking a very quick shower, but luxuriating in his bath, arms propped up on the rim, head tilted back, and eyes closed. He breathed deeply, inhaling steam and the fragrant salt he had added to the water. The shower and bath did help somewhat, the feeling of panic having passed. After drying his body and cinching a towel around his waist, he began on his hair, blotting out the moisture. From the bathroom, he heard a sharp knock on his door.

Aki took his time walking from the bathroom and out of his bedroom into the living area. He closed one eye and used the other to glance through the peephole to see who had decided to visit. No one was in sight, and he wasn't particularly modest, so without running to dress, he slowly opened his door, glancing downward.

He spied a small box set neatly on the mat in front of his door, along with a card taped to the top, secured with a bow. His didn't see his name, but he recognized his mother's flair on the customized box. He knelt down to pick it up, glancing down the hall.

If only he’d taken a little longer to answer the door.

Ueno was ready to go home. During lunch, he had spent the entire time with his fists clenched in his lap underneath the table. Eating had been a chore, so he hadn't attempted. He couldn't even take enjoyment in the surprised look on Aki's face when he had presented him with the lunch, specifically packaged for Aki, which his mother had left in his fridge. The meal, lovingly prepared, also came with a note, which Aki read before he smiled and pocketed it with no comment.

While Aki had looked pleased with his mother's thoughtfulness, he hadn't eaten much either. Eventually, Ueno had behaved out of character, leaving before Aki with a goodbye wave and the promise of seeing him the next day.

Now, at work, he did feel a little better. He had donned his customized, altered uniform, complete with a snazzy earpiece so departments could contact him while he was mobile and threw himself into his assignments. He had been able to zone out during the work day, but only while he was busy. He realized his job included a lot of sitting around waiting for requests. During those breaks, he tried to focus on his reading, but more often found himself starting into space.

Staff was in love with him already. Ueno had been recognized as a young, sweet thing and they doted on him, though he was supposed to be the one relieving them of tasks. A couple of the older women teased him, remarking on how handsome he looked in his black slacks with their razor-sharp seams, black button down long sleeved dress shirt, and tie. There was constant touching, as one of them would reach for his head and smooth back a cowlick or straighten his tie. They cooed when he walked into the reception area and checked the printers to ensure they had an adequate amount of paper. They sighed when he asked them if they wanted anything to eat or drink, clapped their hands in delight when he had helped the housekeeping staff fold towels, and exclaimed over his energy and enthusiasm in hauling supplies into the office.

That had added up to a good two hours of work collectively. They had changed his hours for the day, so although Ueno should have headed home sooner, he had to wait for the go-ahead while staff checked to ensure that nothing else was needed before he left. Ueno didn't doubt that he would enjoy the job, but he was ready to go home and try to sleep, to end the off-putting sensation of walking on shaky ground. If nothing else, it would give him a break from the stress. He had been unable to shake his train of thought the entire day. He wondered if Aki was upset with him, or if he had turned him off somehow.

Life was looking upward. A new, well-paying job had handed to him for being in the right place at the right time. His grades were high, he had friends, got along great with his family. It sucked to be miserable despite all of that. Ueno could have dealt with it, if he'd had a clue as to what he had done wrong, but he was at a loss, and uncertainty proved to be much more distressing than concrete answers. Aki hadn't appeared opposed to what had occurred between the two of them, even immediately afterward. If Ueno had suspected that Aki wasn't interested in participating, he wouldn't have even tried, but he had seemed so willing, and appeared to have enjoyed himself just as much as Ueno had. Maybe he had realized his error afterward.

Ueno wasn't gaining any ground agonizing, and when he activated his earpiece after hearing the beep, he was told that the majority of the departments needed nothing further.

He walked to the reception area, as they hadn't yet checked in with him. The only one currently seated was a woman he had been introduced to as Himura-san. A plump, sweet-faced older woman, she had already begun to treat Ueno more like a child than a man. Ueno didn’t care anyway; she reminded him of his grandmother.

She smiled gratefully, and gestured to a small pile of boxes. "This is the last of the customer orders. Most of them are just extra supplies. A lot of our customers don't think to tell us they need extra stuff until they get ready for bed. Housekeeping normally takes care of this kind of thing, but they're a little busy right now. Would you mind running these up for me? Then you're done for the night."

"You got it, Himura-san." It wasn't a hefty pile, so Ueno hoisted them in his arms and turned to make his deliveries.

Since most of the stuff needed to be delivered to lower floors, he decided to start at the bottom and work his way up, taking the stairs for the most part. As antsy as he felt, running up the stairs burned off much needed nervous energy, and he made all but the last delivery before hopping onto the elevator. The last of his packages had to go to the ninth of the ten floor building. As he understood, the top floor consisted of two penthouse-style apartments, with the ninth floor composed of four large apartments, mostly used by individuals or families that were visiting on a long term basis or did not wish to commit to an apartment lease. He hadn't been to either floor yet, so he was curious about the layout and appearance of the rooms.

As the apartments were large and there were only four of them, he had to walk around a few corners, including a spacious sitting area with a view and small fountain before reaching the room number scrawled on the work order.

Ueno knocked, and after receiving no answer, deposited the box on the floor as instructed by Himura-san, turning to head back towards the elevator. He stopped dead in his tracks, as he almost ran into Satou-san, who had turned the corner and was coming in his direction. That elevator moved fast.

"Ueno!" He smiled his kind smile, stepping back to allow them both breathing room. "How was your first day?"

"Fine, sir. It's been fun so far. I just finished a couple of deliveries." Ueno returned his smile.

"Good. I apologize for not being able to spend any time with you today. I didn't mean to throw you into the job without any further instruction, but today has been extremely busy for me. Did you have any issues?"

"No, sir. Everything's been fine."

"Excellent. According to the women downstairs, you've become pretty popular. You have some fans already."

Ueno gave a short laugh. "I hadn't realized, but I'm glad I haven't made any enemies. Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?"

"No, son. I just came up to make a quick house call before I leave for a few days, since I'm not here most of this week. We appreciate your work today, and-"

They both stopped and turned as a loud click caught their attention. Ueno watched with a mixture of horror and ever-present confusion as the object of his agitation reached down to retrieve the package Ueno had just left minutes ago.

It was almost comical, the rapid exchange of names that took place.

He spoke without thinking. "Aki?" As if he had to ask to be sure. While only covered from the waist to the knee with a bath towel and wet, weighed down hair, identifying Aki was still a cinch.

"Ueno."

"I was just coming up to see you, son!"

"Dad?"

_Dad?_ Ueno pinched the bridge of his nose as Aki stood, his package balanced under his arm.

Satou-san approached the open doorway, placing his hands on Aki's shoulders. "I came up to make sure that you got your mother's package. You're going to catch cold walking around like that." He reached up to ruffle Aki's already-mussed hair.

"I heard the door while I was drying off. I was getting ready for bed." Aki replied and pushed away Satou-san's hand. He spoke to his father, but his eyes were directed towards Ueno, who refused to meet his gaze. He sighed. "Ueno?"

"You two have met?”

Ueno took a deep breath, and raised his head. "We do, sir. We’ve hung out on campus."

"What a small world. Be a good influence on my son, please." Satou-san smiled again. "I'll take my leave now. I've got a drive ahead of me. Aki, don't forget to fit a phone call to your mother somewhere into your busy schedule."

"I won't forget." Aki watched as Ueno looked down at his feet, eyebrows furrowed.

"And it wouldn't hurt you to call your uncle either. He told me that you two haven't spoken since-"

"Okay, Dad."

"We're visiting your sister this weekend. Your mother is hoping that you'll come with us this time. I know that it's hard for you, but I think you should consider-"

Aki finally tore his gaze away from Ueno, desperate to cut his father off before he made the situation any more difficult.

" _Okay_ , _okay_!"

Ueno jumped. He had never _, never_ been witness to Aki raising his voice, or to such an incensed expression.

Aki gestured in Ueno's direction. "Can we talk about this some other time?"

Satou-san chuckled. "Easy, easy. Of course, son. There's no need to lose your temper. I'll talk to you soon." He reached up, his hands resuming their earlier position as he patted Aki's shoulders in an attempt to soothe him.

Aki drew back as if stung. "Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight, son. Goodnight, Ueno." With that, Satou-san turned the corner towards the elevator, this time with a little less bounce in his step than before.

Aki spoke again, and it wasn't a question. "Ueno."

Ueno massaged his temples and stared at the spot Satou-san just vacated; anything besides Aki's bare upper body a welcome distraction. With that thought in mind, he turned his whole body, intending to follow his boss. At this point, he didn't need to focus elsewhere simply to keep him from staring at Aki; he was genuinely too upset to look at him. Damn it, he was too late. Satou-san was probably already riding the elevator down. He’d have to wait for it come back up.

"Ueno." Aki took a step forward, but stopped, as he remembered his undressed state.

"I've got to go." Ueno ground out between his clenched teeth. Stairs. He’d take the stairs.

Aki sighed heavily. "Ueno-"

"For the last two days I tried to figure out why switched up on me on Saturday, trying to figure out if it was just my imagination. You didn’t want me to know you lived here." Ueno was aware of speaking, but it was almost as if he was watching himself do so. The quiet, angry voice that he heard was _not_ his. “At least now I know." With that, he took off down the hall. He needed to change, and get the hell out of the building- fast.

Aki watched him go, then fell back against the door frame and closed his eyes. It was official.

As predicted, shit had definitely hit the fan.


	7. The Long Way Home

Eventually Aki decided hanging out in the hallway wasn't smart, especially considering he was almost naked with the exception of his towel. His hair was wet and a chill was beginning to rise in him, though he wasn’t sure if was due to the air conditioning hitting his skin or horror.

He re-entered his apartment, setting the box he still held under his arm on the coffee table before dropping onto the couch heavily. Burying his face in his hands, Aki took several breaths in an effort to calm himself, to no avail. His heart thudded almost painfully.

He had done some crazy things in his life, but he wasn't without feelings, and he understood how his actions looked or made others feel now. The only difference was that this time, he felt remorseful.

The chain of events that unfolded were frightening, particularly in their timing. An hour ago, Aki had been praying fervently for this exact scenario to never take place, and _wham_ , all of a sudden, it had. And in the worst way possible, no less.

When Ueno had informed Aki of where he was employed, Aki had immediately panicked. He remembered repeating to himself over and over as he walked home that this could not be happening, that Ueno was not working for his father, that he wouldn't be mere floors underneath Aki at any given moment. He spent the last couple of days trying to figure out a surefire way to guarantee that they _never_ made any connections between Aki and each other, but that, of course, was absolutely impossible. It was an eventuality, and Aki had been fighting a losing battle trying to prevent it from happening.

Aki might as well have been standing in the middle of a set of tracks, trying to prevent two barreling trains coming from opposite directions from slamming into one another. There was likely to be an explosion, and after the smoke cleared, the idiot that attempted to stop the inevitable- in this case, Aki, would be long expired in the middle of the rubble; a mangled, bloody, unidentifiable mess.

For all his intelligence, Aki had still attempted the impossible.

In addition to feeling remorse, he also felt a slight twinge of anger. _Damn_ his loose-lipped father with his random, ill-timed visits. He hadn't meant any harm, and Aki knew that. He had no way of knowing that the mention of his family would drive Aki into a state of unease. He also had no way of understanding that a man that Aki simply knew from school had actually saved him from continuing a life full of physical and mental abuse. His father was completely unaware that Aki was walking a very fine line that required him to keep them both in the dark about one another. They both represented different portions of Aki's life, and they were also innocent parties. But they were both involved, and neither Ueno nor his father were aware of their specific roles. There were things that neither of them needed to learn.

But really, the man had a serious knack for saying the wrong things at the worst time possible. Due to that, and reasons that Aki didn't feel like revisiting at the moment, he hadn't been his father's biggest fan in a long time- well, ever.

Ueno thought that he was the reason Aki had tried to keep him and his father from finding out about one another. That's where the guilt came from. To add to his stress, Ueno had just confessed that he had been conflicted all weekend over the way Aki had left him on Saturday.

Aki was in no way ashamed of Ueno or how he felt about him. He had long since stopped focusing on what others thought about him. If he hadn't been attempting to keep some bothersome facts buried, he wouldn't have cared. The one thing he wouldn't be able to stand, however, was Ueno looking down on him.

It wasn't as if his father would _volunteer_ the information. In fact, his father was pretty much in the dark about most of Aki's past. That meant his father could very well mention a variety of situations, not knowing that he was stepping on an active land mine. Ueno may be able to piece together enough to reach his own conclusions.

Take the conversation in the hallway, for example. He had mentioned several people, some of them dangerous witnesses of events Aki was determined to try and forget, and Ueno didn't know any of them. If Ueno was curious, he might have expected Aki to elaborate. Understandably so, Ueno would be entitled to ask.

All information provided would lead to the same dark story. There were people in turmoil and confusion, and it was in direct relation to Aki's past actions. It wasn't as if Aki didn't care, but there was so little he could do to repair the damage now without opening up and laying all of his sins out in the open. Even if he did so, there was no guarantee that it would help matters; in fact, Aki was sure that he would end up worse off than before.

Wasn't it better to just leave things as they were? Hadn't Aki known that at some point he would need to be realistic and let Ueno go? If he let Ueno remain upset with him and they parted ways, Aki would be able to avoid a painful future confrontation. It would be an easy way to end things. As the logical side of him knew that severing ties was the best move, his emotional side wasn't ready to carry out the necessary action.

So Aki sat quietly, caught between the urge to search for the comfort he knew he wanted but didn't deserve, and trying to do what he assumed would be best for everyone else.

Maybe it would be best for him to try to explain things to Ueno, even if they were going to part ways. Ueno should shun him for the right reasons, not a misunderstanding.

No. Aki's logical side had made a decision; let it go. Ueno was gone, and it was for his own good. He'd start out angry, possibly, but at sound point he would get over. He'd have to.

But was that the best for Ueno, really? While his brain screamed at him to pay attention, act sensibly, and remain in his apartment and let the chips fall where they may, there was an apparent disconnect. The signals weren't reaching his body.

_Just let him go_.

Aki rose to his feet, racing into his bedroom toward his closet. He spent a moment scanning the contents, tapping his bare foot against the carpeted floor, and then snatched a pair of jeans and jacket off their hangers, throwing them behind him towards his bed. He then opened began pulling open drawers and added underwear and socks to the pile, then a t-shirt. _.._

Aki wiggled into his undergarment, and then hurriedly slid his legs into perfectly dyed, fitted denim. With shaking fingers, he buttoned and zipped his jeans. Next he jammed his arms through the sleeves of his tight-fitting t-shirt before yanking it over his head and jerking the fabric down over his torso, and then sat on his bed to yank on his socks.

_I’ve hurt enough people. I can't do it to him._

He grabbed his jacket on the fly, re-entering his living room. He had to stop, cursing, to find his apartment key, and almost screamed in unreasonable frustration. After what felt to be a year, he jammed the key into his pocket, stepped into his shoes, and ran into the hall, slamming it behind him.

* * *

Leaving the hotel had been a gargantuan relief he hadn’t thought possible. After putting some distance between him and Aki, he no longer needed to blindly run. His pace had slowed, and he cleared the sidewalk at a speed slightly below moderate. Suddenly his legs felt as heavy as tree.

He’d left the main streets; it would be difficult to locate a cab from here. Oh well. It was going to be a lengthy walk home, but Ueno didn't find himself caring. The walk would give him time to resonate with that night's events.

Ueno couldn't accurately determine which emotion was strongest at the moment: embarrassment, anger, or sadness. He felt embarrassment regarding the way he had torn his way down the hall after receiving the shock. On top of that, Aki either didn’t like or trust Ueno enough to let him in on any particulars of his life, but let Ueno grow attached like an idiot. He felt anger because Aki hadn't taken the opportunity to tell him the truth. Ueno had spoken to him a couple of times before that evening, and he hadn't mentioned it once, which made Ueno wonder if Aki had purposely been attempting to keep him from finding out. He experienced sadness because if the reason for his anger was true, any effort to get to know Aki better had been a waste of time.

More than anything, Ueno felt like Aki had been making a fool out of him. Considering the way they had met, maybe he had been fooling himself in thinking that Aki was taking him seriously and looking at him as a man worthy of getting to know. Maybe Aki looked at Ueno as a child, considering their differences in attitude, demeanor, and experience. Again, the way they had met should have told Ueno that Aki was light years ahead of him in adult matters and been in more relationships than he had. He was naïve and inexperienced, and maybe that meant he wasn't a person that Aki could see himself becoming involved with. But Ueno had really felt that they had started to make progress.

Brooding wasn't Ueno's style. He was pretty agreeable, and even in bad situations, he was normally clearheaded and sometimes even remained cheerful, but he couldn't shake the cold feeling that had come over him.

Then he had run away from Aki like a kid who had been told they couldn't have a cookie, or even worse, like his teenage sister when their parents told her she couldn't go to a party or couldn't get yet another new pair of jeans. Ueno had always shaken his head as she would stomp off towards her bedroom in tears. No matter how Ueno looked at it, his fleeing had been childish.

What was he supposed to do tomorrow? How was he supposed to behave? Should he avoid Aki entirely, or should he apologize for his behavior? Ueno shook his head, even though he was alone and no one could see him. He _hadn't_ misbehaved, so he was confident he wasn't obligated to apologize for anything, unless acting out of hurt feelings was punishable.

His head was so full of what ifs and random anxious ramblings that he didn't hear his name being called or the thudding of rapidly approaching footsteps on the cold pavement until the source was directly behind him. Suddenly aware and alarmed, he whirled around.

Ueno couldn’t find his voice. His mouth fell open, and he simply stared as Aki braced his hands on his knees, fighting to catch his breath.

"Didn't you hear me calling you?"

"Uh- uh uh." Ueno managed to answer. While floored at the reality that Aki had ran after him, he was more focused on the state of Aki's hair. It was spiked in several places, and Ueno knew that couldn't have been intentional. "What are you doing?" He really didn't want to see Aki now, not until he had his thoughts and emotions under control. He wasn't confident that he would able to handle what Aki was about to say, and he was afraid that he was too frazzled at this point to be able to carry on a logical, adult conversation. He also couldn't ensure that he would be calm enough to speak without saying something hurtful or harsh.

Aki took a deep breath and expelled it slowly before standing up straight. "I wanted to apologize to you."

"I understand. I’m not sure what you’re apologizing for, but it’s okay. We both have to get up early for class tomorrow, so I’d better get home and rest. I'll see you." Ueno turned to leave, pleased that he’d managed to get that out in an even tone of voice.

Aki didn’t move. Of course Ueno wasn't being truthful, but true to his nature, he wasn't making a fuss or resorting to hurtful words. Even so, Aki couldn't leave things this way. "Ueno, stop."

Ueno stopped. "Why?"

“Turn around. Please." Aki didn't try to disguise the pleading quality in his voice. He needed Ueno to understand, and he was beyond attempting to save face.

Ueno heaved a sigh, but turned to face him. "Fine. Go ahead."

Aki clasped his hands together, not sure where to start. He hadn't formulated an explanation on the way. He had been too focused on finding Ueno, and as a result, hadn't thought about what he wanted to say. "First, you didn't do anything wrong this weekend. You haven't done anything wrong at all. You’ve been wonderful to me; I don’t see how you could think any differently."

Ueno's expression didn't change, but he remained where he was, listening intently.

"I… would never hurt you on purpose. But I’m no good at caring for anyone else, and tonight, I know I _did_ hurt you. I'm so sorry. I know you're wondering why I didn't tell you the truth on Saturday when you told me where you would be working, and why I left the way I did." Aki closed his eyes briefly, composing his thoughts before continuing.

"I don't have a reason for the way I acted other than I was in shock at first, and I didn't want you to know that your boss was my father. But it has nothing to do with you."

Ueno crossed his arms. "Why didn't you want me to know? Did you think I’d tell him what happened between us? Or.. or are you thinking that your dad won’t like me? That I’d embarrass you?"

"None of that. I can't explain. But I _do_ have my reasons. You did nothing wrong. You couldn’t." Aki locked eyes with Ueno and smiled. It was the same sad smile Aki had given him the first time they had met, when Aki had thanked him, right before Ueno bolted from his master's apartment. It was a smile that made Ueno very uncomfortable.

Ueno wasn't reassured by the apology. If anything, he felt worse. This feeling- it reminded him of how he normally felt right before puking. "Why do I feel like you're about to tell me something I don't want to hear?"

Aki's smiled faltered. "Because I am, probably. I don't want to say it any more than you probably want to hear it, but I need to do it anyway. But before I did that, I needed to make sure you understand that you have no involvement in my reasons. I’m not embarrassed by you, or anything like that. But.. it’s better that this happens now, before I-I get any more attached to you."

"What the hell do you mean?" Ueno asked, each word carefully and slowly pronounced. That feeling in the pit of his stomach was worsening. He didn't think he even wanted to know what Aki was hedging at, but hinting was no good; he had to ask.

Aki's voice was quiet, but steady. "I may be presumptuous in saying this, but I feel like on Saturday, we moved past friendship toward... toward more. So... I have to end this. Us.”


	8. The Long Way Home

Author's Note: I don't claim to own jack.

This chapter has got a slight fluff/soap opera'ish warning. You've been briefed. Do what you will with this warning.

One more thing: Have I gotten ya'all angry at/sick of Aki yet?

* * *

This couldn’t be the end, not when they’d barely begun. How could Ueno forget something- someone- that was responsible for changing their entire life?

Over the course of nearly three weeks, Ueno had become a different person. Sure, he was the same on the outside, but his thought processes were completely altered. He felt more sensitive and aware, more positive, more _open_. He'd experienced a series of emotions, which had shown themselves, only to disappear and return in random patterns that he couldn't explain, nor did he wish to. They resulted in him feeling more alive than he could ever remember.

How could Ueno erase or conclude the last three weeks of his life? It wasn't possible to forget the way they had met, the feel of Aki's lithe body pressed snugly against his, the sensation of his soft hair threaded between his fingers. It would take more than pure will power to forget when he was able to make Aki smile, or the smooth, low timbre of his velvety voice.

Moreover, Ueno wanted to forget as much as he wanted to slice off one of his own limbs.

"What?" Ueno hands dropped to his hips. "How am I supposed to forget? Should I quit my job, transfer schools?"

Aki had no reply. He stared at Ueno helplessly, his eyes pleading with him to try and understand.

Ueno, realizing he wasn't going to receive answer, continued to speak. "If that's what you wanted, then why talk to me every day? Why did you come over last weekend? Why did you let me kiss you? And why did you kiss me back?"

The truth was that Aki knew that Ueno's confusion was well founded. He wasn't being unfair or unreasonable. Aki had been wrong to develop any further relationship with the dark-haired man, knowing that one day he was going to call an end to it. Yet, Aki _had_ sat with him daily, allowing himself to enjoy their time together. While mindful of the fact that their relationship could never rise to another level, Aki still indulged himself. The logical move would have been to stay away from Ueno completely.

Aki felt guilt wash over him, because the only reason he hadn't left Ueno alone was simply because he hadn't wanted to. He'd greedily tried to soak up as much time with Ueno as possible, knowing that one day he would no longer have the option. He spoke without thinking. He should have told Ueno that _yes_ , it was what he wanted. But instead, he blurted out the truth.

"It's _not_ what I want!" Aki was dangerously close to tears, and he couldn't remember the last time he had actually cried. Why couldn't Ueno understand? Aki ran a hand through his hair, agitation making the motion shaky. "But-"

"Then _why_ are you telling me it’s over?" Ueno took a step backward. "Was this fun for you?"

"Fun?" Aki narrowed his eyes, glaring at Ueno suspiciously.

"Was it fun for you to make me care about you and then tell me that there's no way? Was it fun for me to start to think that.." Ueno trailed off, and scrubbed a hand over his face roughly, at a temporary loss for words.

"To think what?"

Ueno didn't answer immediately. He lifted a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, a sure sign that he was conflicted. Aki waited patiently while Ueno gained his control.

When he _did_ speak, his voice had lowered, and there was a note of resignation that made Aki's heart ache.

"To think that it may have been possible for us to…" Ueno trailed off again. "It doesn't even matter, does it? It's not as if we were together. Maybe I’m stupid and expected too much. I just wish I hadn't had to figure it out this way."

Something in Aki broke. He heard the snap. He never would have imagined that he'd be having this type of conversation with Ueno- in the street no less- but here they were. They had already come this far. Aki supposed it was useless to try to keep all of his emotions in now, especially for the sole sake of appearance.

"But we should be! And we can't!"

Ueno jumped a little at the elevation of volume in Aki's voice. It wasn't something that he was used to. Aki always spoke softly, almost lazily, just like his movements. Until he had shouted at his father, Ueno hadn't been aware that it was possible for Aki to lose his temper.

"Do you want to know why I want to stay away from you?" Aki didn't pause; he didn't want an answer anyway. "Because my father has a big mouth. Because I've done a _lot_ of things you won’t approve of or even understand. Because I'd rather have you dislike me now instead of later when it'll be harder for me to deal with."

Ueno eyes widened. "I could never hate you, Aki. What are you talking about?"

"You have no idea of how you'd feel.”

Ueno wanted to punch something; he _hated_ it when people tried to tell him how he’d react, when someone attempted to predict his own thought process, morals, and logic. “Well, neither do you! You’ve got me so well figured out that you know how I’ll feel about everything? Then explain why I haven’t run away after how we met? Come up with a good reason for that!”

 “There are things that I can _never_ talk about- to _anyone_." Aki slumped against a lamp post, attempting to slow his breathing. "Ueno, I like you a lot, but I'm screwed up, and I’ve messed up enough people already."

"Let me make sure I understand this." Ueno said slowly. "You didn't want me to know that you lived here, and that my boss is your father, because you were afraid he'd tell me something about you that you wanted to keep a secret?"

"Sort of." Aki pushed himself off the post, standing straight. "My father doesn't know everything, but he knows enough to be dangerous. He may say something to you that sounds odd."

"So is that how you plan to exist from now on? Make no friends? Cut people off the minute they try to get to know you or run into your family?" Ueno stepped forward, until only mere inches separated them. "You'll never be happy that way."

"I know." Aki answered bluntly. "I made some stupid choices before, and that's why I have to make _this_ choice now. We can't be together."

"So you're going to make that decision for me too?"

"I have to."

"Your argument is ridiculous. What's _wrong_ with you? Is torturing yourself like this some kind of hobby?" Ueno reached out and grasped Aki by his forearms. He leaned forward until their noses almost brushed. His eyes met Aki's and the light-haired man found it impossible to break the gaze. "Screw that. _No_."

Aki tilted his head to the side and blinked at Ueno uncomprehendingly. "What?"

"I said no." Ueno spoke simply at first, but his next words were slow and deliberate. "When I met you, I did think your situation was strange, obviously. Who wouldn't? But after I left you there, I couldn't stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I tried. And believe me; I tried _hard_ , because I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

Aki stared at him, his heart again pounding crazily just below the surface. And just maybe, deep down, he was a little relieved that Ueno was putting up a fight, that he cared enough to do it. He just gazed into Ueno's usually kind, but currently incensed eyes and listened, entranced.

"I wondered whether you were going to be okay. I wanted to know whether or not you thought about me afterward, even though you didn't know me. And then all of a sudden, you showed up out of nowhere. Then, I wondered how you got hurt the way you did, and if he hurt you like that all the time. But I didn't ask, because I didn't want to get into your business, and I was worried that if I did, you would stop talking to me. And _you_ came to me every day. Maybe I was stupid for thinking that since you did that, that you were interested, but what else was I supposed to think? If you weren’t interested, then why did you come to me at all?"

Ueno released his hold on Aki's arms and took a step back. But he wasn't done.

"Not once did I even think of passing judgment on you because of how we met. I tried to act normally around you, but I was always trying to figure out what you were thinking, and why you would hang around someone like me when we're so different. But whatever your reason was, I was glad that you did. I don't care about how I found you that day, I don't care that you're a guy, and I don't care about your past."

Aki sighed and tried again. "Maybe you were feeling attached because of what happened. That doesn't me-"

Ueno scowled. "Stop! I am so _tired_ of everyone thinking they know me so well. Yeah, I like helping people, and I’d never done anything real crazy until I’d met you, but I wasn’t raised in a cage. I don’t expect insane perfection from anyone." He raised his hand to rub his face again, but stopped as Aki shut his eyes and ever so slightly, flinched. It was so subtle, almost as if Aki had caught himself and stifled the reaction.

Ueno immediately dropped his hand, and gaped at Aki in astonishment. Had Aki actually been fearful that Ueno would hurt him? He had never raised a hand to Aki before. He'd been in his fair share of arguments and somewhat painful displays of boyish shenanigans, but he had never been violent. But Aki didn't know that, apparently. He was briefly reminded of the day Aki had appeared before his eyes on campus, and of the injuries he had sustained.

"Did you think I was going to _hit_ you?"

Aki would never have taken Ueno as the type to strike someone, but Ueno was agitated, and some people that weren't prone to violence became heavy handed when they were upset. In addition, they were standing so close that all Aki had been able to see was a blur out of the corner of his eye and had reacted naturally. “Reflex." Aki replied tiredly. "It comes with the territory. Do you see what I mean now? I'm r _eally_ screwed up."

Ueno sighed. "I get it; we're different, okay? But I don't care. I’ve never fantasized about us holding hands and skipping, of going out for coffee and study dates, and I’ve never imagined that your life was anything like mine. I want to know you as you are. But I'll accept what you're saying, as long as you honestly don't want to try. Is that true?"

Aki bowed his head. "No."

"I can accept that you have a past that you can't tell me about right now or you want to try and forget. I hope someday you'll just _know_ that there's nothing you can't tell me, but I won't pressure you. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"Yes." Aki's confidence in his decision was being to waver. Somewhere in his head, he had been constructing a small building, bricks rooted in place by cement that represented reasons why Ueno would be better off without him, his own doubts, and particular offenses Aki had committed in the past that he couldn't seem to let go of.

Thanks to Ueno's persistence, the cement was no longer holding, and the bricks were loosening. The guy was a wrecking ball.

"Do you really want me gone? If you do, I'll leave you alone." Ueno's gambling had paid off so far, so he swallowed his fear and asked Aki what he wanted as directly as possible. Even if Aki still wanted nothing to do with him, he wanted it spelled out for him. He didn't want to play around with uncertainties later, and he didn't want Aki to reconsider only because he felt bullied.

"No." Aki repeatedly whispered his response, and although it was quiet, there was a heartfelt honesty in it that told Ueno everything he needed to know. "No, _no_."

"Then what _do_ you want, Aki? Be honest. If you didn't have any reason to be afraid, what would you do?"

Aki didn't answer at first, at least not verbally. He simply reached out with both hands, taking Ueno's gently. He took one step backward, then another, until Ueno was forced to follow in order to avoid releasing his hands.

"I'm cold. I want to go inside." And he wanted Ueno to come in with him. He needed to sit, to calm down, to see where the aftermath would carry them. Just maybe, a sweeter existence was possible. The anticipation gave him a lighter feeling than he’d ever remembered experiencing.

"Okay."

"Come with me."

"Alright." Ueno agreed softy, without argument. It was getting late, and he should be heading back to his apartment, but leaving so soon after clearing the air didn't seem wise. They needed some time to cool down and talk before he left, or else the following day would be weird. Impulsively, he tightened his grip on Aki's fingers and tugged the other man forward, folding his arms around Aki carefully.

Aki returned the hug without a second thought. He locked his arms around Ueno's neck and clung to him. The dramatic dip of his stress level left him reeling, and his holding Ueno was as much an attempt to remain standing as it was a gesture of affection. They could hug, touch. Maybe soon, another kiss would be in the cards.

Aki was in awe of Ueno's strength, his determination. He had expected confusion and maybe initial anger, but he had never anticipated Ueno becoming so adamant, had never expected Ueno to fight him. He liked that side of Ueno as much as he liked his usual serene side. It proved to make their interactions that much more interesting now that he knew Ueno could be just as unpredictable as Aki himself. It had drawn their conflict to a surprisingly quick close. Of course, Aki hadn’t been all that invested in ending things, anyway.

He had been unfair in assuming that Ueno would automatically become repulsed by the truth. If nothing else, Ueno had proven to be very laid back, and despite the fact that he hadn’t seemed very worldly or experienced, he was extremely accepting. He couldn't help but wonder if those with naiveté like Ueno actually had the advantage over everyone else. Aki had almost pushed him away without giving him a chance to rise to the occasion. If anyone would exceed Aki's expectations, it would definitely be Ueno.

Aki smiled gently against Ueno's shoulder. "I'm impressed. I had no idea you were so stubborn. You're usually so relaxed." Fighting with Ueno proved to be a useless act. Aki sighed, closing his eyes and accepting the situation with finality. It was comforting, in a way, to stop fighting. As he released his breath, he felt the lingering remnants of tension dissipating, and he relaxed into the hug, a wave of contentment washing over him. "Well, you win; I give up."

Ueno honestly had no idea where he had gotten the courage to challenge Aki either. It was almost as if in his panicked state, someone else had taken over. He knew he cared for Aki, but he hadn't realized how deep his feelings ran until he faced the very real threat of never seeing him again. He still didn't understand what those feelings were exactly, but if they never spoke again, Ueno would never find out.

He found himself questioning how differently things would have ended up if he had never run into Aki tonight. If he and Aki's father hadn't wound up standing in that hallway when Aki came to the door, what conclusions would Aki have eventually made? If the truth hadn't come to light, Aki would still be agonizing over the inevitability of their meeting. Ueno was actually grateful, because he predicted that if this confrontation hadn't taken place, Aki would still have eventually pushed him away, and Ueno may not have been able to stop him.

Ueno regained his cheery demeanor and grinned, retaliating quickly. "I didn't know I was either. I have no idea where that came from. And I never thought I'd see you out in public like this. You're usually so careful about your appearance."

"Like what?"

"Like this." The hand pressed against the small of Aki's back crept upward, until his fingers were sifting through Aki's soft hair. "You look like you stuck your finger in a light socket. You haven't brushed your hair, have you?"

Inwardly horrified at the thought, Aki still laughed, a real laugh, one Ueno had never heard before. "I had more important things to worry about. Is it _that_ bad?"

"Oh yeah; it looks kind of punky. I think I like it, though. It makes you look a little more human and a little less like a superstar. But let's go before someone _else_ sees it."

Ueno slowly released the other man, but Aki claimed one of Ueno's hands, and began tugging him in the opposite direction, one that would take them back to the hotel.

Aki was content to walk in silence, his hand folded in Ueno's; even at their sedate pace, they only had a few blocks to clear. They could talk once they got back to his apartment.

Ueno had one more thing to say right then, however. As they made their way down the sidewalk, he growled, "You're _so_ buying me lunch to make up for this. And some cheap, overcooked school lunch won't cut it, either. I get to pick the place, and I’m ordering something stupid expensive."

Aki chuckled, not feeling put upon in the slightest. "How is that fair? You bought me school lunch."

"You asked for school lunch." Ueno grunted. "Plus, I was unemployed at the time. Don't try telling me you can't afford it, either. I know who your dad is now, and he's _loaded_."

 


	9. The Long Way Home

Aki didn't release Ueno’s warm, comforting fingers once. He grasped his fingers snugly during the walk back to the hotel, through the quick trip across the lobby, on the elevator ride to the ninth floor, and down the hallway to his apartment door.

Ueno was content to be dragged along, his head still reeling.

He'd essentially bullied Aki into accepting him, but he didn't feel guilty or unsure of his actions now that he understood why Aki had tried to distance himself. If he hadn't been so demanding, he would be at home alone right now, still wondering what had gone wrong. He still found the situation incredibly puzzling; he didn't understand how one person could harbor so much guilt that they would willingly refuse to get close or trust anyone, including their own family. Aki definitely operated on a separate level. Under any other circumstance, Ueno would have found it ridiculous.

Then again, Ueno was squeaky clean, and didn't understand such things.

Well, he _had_ been squeaky clean, until he had found a random stranger gagged and bound in a closet, and then proceeded to pound him into the flooring. The transition wasn't seamless. And if dealing with the memories and repercussions wasn't enough, it was another thing to all of sudden catapult from the world of uncertainty and longing into the land of boyfriend and boyfriend.

And Ueno was discovering that he knew nothing about the fair-skinned, beautiful man who held his fingers in a death grip. But anything Aki wanted to provide, he would accept and treasure.

Their relationship was horribly backwards. Worse than backwards, it was disorganized in every way possible. Throw into that the way they met, Aki's father and their little conversation on a well-lit downtown sidewalk, and it resulted in a majorly confusing pairing.

_Oh well_ , Ueno thought to himself, almost cheerfully. This was definitely not the way he would have wanted to start a relationship with anyone, but that didn't mean he didn't want it.

They both stopped while Aki unlocked the door, nudging it open and leading Ueno inside. He released Ueno's hand once they entered the apartment. They stood just inside the doorway, unsure of how to proceed.

“Please, come in." Eventually, Aki gestured toward the living area, and Ueno silently stepped out of his shoes and took a seat on the couch while Aki walked past the living area and into the bedroom. He emerged a minute later, settling down next to him.

Ueno hadn't completely lost his sense of humor; he snickered quietly as he noticed that Aki had fixed his hair. Must be fun to live in a hotel. This is a nice place."

"Thank you." Aki smiled. "We may not get along very well, but my dad did come through and take care of me when I had no other place to go."

Ueno took a deep, calming breath. "Is it okay to ask why you don't get along?"

"I guess it's a poor choice of words. He tried to get along with me, but I wasn't very open to him. He still tries, but I'm still not very comfortable around him, and I don't trust him completely."

Ueno wasn't satisfied with Aki's reply; it was horribly vague. But at least Aki was trying, and he planned on abiding by his promise not to apply pressure. Ueno would take any information given. "Your dad didn't ask any questions about where you'd been? Did he already know?"

"No, and no. Dad didn't ask. He had no idea what I'd been up to, only where I was living. But I was able to call him sometimes, and I was allowed to visit during holidays and birthdays, so I'm sure he assumed that I was fine. We weren't on the best of terms when I moved out, so no one from home expected to hear from me often."

"Allowed." Ueno echoed, wondering what Aki _hadn't_ been permitted to do. "Did you have a lot of rules?" He sat back in his seat, arranging himself in a more comfortable position.

"Some." Aki hands were curled over his knees, and Ueno could see that he clenched his fingers occasionally while speaking. "I wasn't allowed to call home if he wasn't around to hear everything I said, and he was strict about my appearance. He used to pick out all of my clothes, tell me how to do my hair. When I wanted to get my ears pierced, he threw a fit. He doesn't like tattoos, piercings, anything like that. He told me that if I wanted to mutilate my body that badly, he'd do it for me. I dropped it, of course. I had my own bedroom and bathroom, but they weren’t decorated. He controlled everything."

Aki frowned. Of course, he remembered it all vividly, but putting a voice to his memories was strange, giving them life again. While he didn't like discussing his time with his master, this was safe territory since Ueno already knew part of it, and he found that once he began talking, the words came easily.

"I couldn’t leave the house without him, except on specific occasions, like visiting my parents. I had to be back by a certain time, had to check in, and if I was late, he'd track me down. My master wasn't your typical… whatever. He didn't fit a mold. I had all of the standard rules that you'd imagine if you were a prisoner, and he was obviously in charge. He had some strange tendencies, but sometimes he was lenient. And I didn't feel like a prisoner, at least not at first."

Ueno swallowed. "How.."

Aki gazed at Ueno expectantly, waiting for him to form his question.

"How did you come to live with him in the first place?"

"Let's just say that I had no choice in the matter except to move in with him, unless I wanted some very bad things to happen."

Ueno waited for Aki to continue, but was rewarded with dead silence.

"How was living with him? Your injuries- did that happen a lot?"

"No, not often. He only raised his hand to me when he felt like he was losing control of the situation. And that only happened when I wouldn't give him what he wanted. That was rare. You learn not to deny a man as unpredictable as him. Even then, his punishments weren't as severe as the last time I saw him."

_Aki's eyes narrowed as he watched his master rifle through the contents of his closet, yanking at the articles of clothing so roughly that the hangers swung wildly on the closet bar. There were several bags scattered on his carpeted floor, already filled with his hair products and personal possessions. He knew better than to argue or try to save his stuff, but he was loathe seeing his favorite items go. He had spent a small fortune on his wardrobe alone._

Aki sighed, clasping his hands together in his lap. "When I first came to live with him, he was actually nice to me. He left me alone, and I started to get used to the apartment and more comfortable around him. For the first month or so, he let me do whatever I wanted. When he got more possessive, it was gradual, so I didn't feel trapped right away. Then he started to control the way I looked and some of my routines. I had to take a shower and wash my hair twice a day, at specific times. He had someone come in every so often to cut and style my hair. I had to shave certain body parts and leave others alone. He came home one day with new clothes for me, and he threw out everything I brought with me; shoes, everything."

Ueno sat up straight, turning his body slightly, so he was able to watch Aki while he spoke. "And after the first month?"

_It wasn't that bad. Aki reclined against his pillows as the hand on his chest urged him to lean back. His breath escaped his lips in small pants and he fought the urge to push against the still-foreign sensation of being invaded._

_Aki flinched as a droplet of moisture fell from above, splattering as it met his skin. He steeled himself against the violent reaction of being bathed in someone else's bodily fluids as the amount of droplets increased, as well as the frequency._

_"Just lie still." The deep voice washed over his already-warm cheeks, creating an almost unbearable heat, and Aki turned his head to the side, resting his face against the coolness of his silk encased pillows._

"It was a slow process. First it was sex occasionally, then all of the time and to be honest, it really didn't bother me. I knew I could live with it. I thought I could do anything for him, because even though I didn't want to live with him, I didn't hate him. The games started later. Thank goodness it didn't happen every day, but at least once a week, he'd find a reason to have a random visitor come to the apartment and _find_ me. Some of the time, they knew what to expect, but most of them had no idea what they were going to find when they came in.”

"Like me." Ueno couldn't process how Aki could have been okay with the situation, or how Aki could still have liked the man. He didn't understand how a relationship could go from sex to being trapped in a closet as bait. He found himself back in that closet, reliving the day he had discovered his charge for the afternoon, and almost cringed when he pictured other faceless men presented with the sight of Aki naked on the closet floor.

"Like you." Aki echoed. "Although, when you told me you were a pet sitter looking for a bunny, I was surprised. That was the first time he had used that particular story, or given someone my real name. Sometimes it was a repair man, someone that needed to install something, a delivery man, an exterminator, you name it.”

"And he wanted you to-" Ueno stopped, biting his lower lip.

"Have sex with them?" Aki provided helpfully. "Sex was his expectation."

Ueno tried not to focus on the fact that some or all of the traps that had been placed had ended up with Aki having to perform. He didn't want to inquire any further about the number of successful attempts.

"Were you two involved?" Ueno felt incredibly childish asking the question, but he wanted to know.

Aki's eyes opened and he stiffened. "No. Not as boyfriends. That's what it felt like at first, like we were together. But that wasn't his intention. It wasn't mine either. When he didn't need anything from me, he left me alone. Since I wasn't allowed to leave, I spent most of the time by myself."

"Doing what?"

_Aki never thought he would admit this, not when he had tried so hard to stay isolated under normal circumstances, but he was lonely. He wasn't much for television, and he'd long since read every book he'd been given. He made a mental note to give his master another book list. He didn't mind Aki reading, and quickly filled most of his requests._

_He had no interest in browsing the internet, either. Spending day in and day out on the computer had been fun- the first day._

_For the first time in as long as he could remember, he wanted to sit while his mother or sisters fussed over him, asking stupid questions about his day. He wouldn't even have minded his father's awkward attempts at humor as he tried to joke with Aki about one of his outfits or choice of hairstyle._

_But he didn't have that option anymore. Aki sat in the middle of his bed-his favorite spot- with legs folded Indian style, hands braced on each knee while he gazed blankly at the wall in front of him. It was just like the other four; bland, without personality._

"I couldn't talk on the phone if he wasn't around, and I didn't have visitors or anything else to distract me. I had a TV and books to read, so I wasn't completely bored, but that stuff gets old after a while. Wanting to be a hermit is a lot different than not being permitted to see anyone. I think that was the first time in my life I wanted a pet. But my master told me that he only had room for one. He wasn't always cruel, though. If I asked for anything within reason, he got it for me. He treated me like a pet, but he also felt that pets should be pampered and spoiled when they behaved."

"Okay." Ueno felt both enlightened and confused by Aki's explanations. The overload of information had only resulted in Ueno wanting to inquire further, but he understood that he had probably almost reached the end of his rope. It would have been easier if Aki could just start from the beginning, but Ueno had a feeling that there were all kinds of small snippets of information that Aki wasn't willing to provide, and Ueno couldn't force it out of him. He would have to accept the information given if he wanted Aki to trust him. Keeping his word was the first step.

Aki looked winded, Ueno noticed after closer scrutiny. He looked at his watch, and was startled to discover the time. He hadn't felt like they had been talking for very long, but an hour had already passed.

He ignored the late hour. There were a few more things he needed to ask. He sat quietly, composing his question carefully before voicing it and even then, Ueno experienced difficulty getting his words out without stumbling.

"When I came over that day, you were- well, you know how I found you."

_"Aki-chan!"_

_Aki cracked open an eye, slightly alarmed at hearing his name being called in that sing-song manner. How did this guy know his name?_

_His headache, while not as horribly painful as before, still ached in a dull way that was in some cases worse than the persistent throbbing he'd experienced earlier._

_He wasn't frightened; he was annoyed. As if it wasn't enough to sleep with the random men his master arranged to have come to the apartment- now his master was now telling them who to ask for?_

_Aki waited in the darkness; really, what else could he do? He listened carefully as impending footfalls sounded on the carpeting, approaching hesitantly._

_Then there was a clicking sound as the double doors of the closet were simultaneously pulled open. Aki lay there calmly, waiting for the reaction. It was always the same; initial shock for the unsuspecting and chuckles of satisfaction for those who knew what they were getting._

_The strangled gasp was confusing. Hadn't his master given the man his name? Hadn't he known what he'd find?_

_This guy wasn't necessarily a man; he looked to be about Aki's own age. As his gaze swept over Aki's naked, tousled form, he noted that the stranger didn't seem to be the type to indulge in extreme sexual fantasies. He appeared to be the type of guy who ate breakfast each and every morning, did all of his homework ahead of time, and helped old ladies with groceries brave the crosswalks. Indeed, his expression held no obvious signs of arousal._

_He was obviously horrified._

"Yeah." Aki affirmed, a small smile lifting one corner of his lips. "I remember."

"You said that he only hurt you when you made him angry. Did you upset him that day?"

_His delicate skin stung a bit. He had lost his concept of time without a watch or clock to consult, of course, and as he rested there, he wondered how long he had to wait, how long he had already waited before he could finish off whoever showed up and he could finally be left to himself._

_He was irritated, needless to say, but not for the obvious reason of being deposited in a closet naked. He'd been taking a nap in lieu of taking any over -the- counter drugs for the splitting headache he'd had all morning and early afternoon. He'd been roused, not by a knock on his door or a voice, but the merry tinkling of what Aki could now easily identify by sound alone as handcuffs._

_It had been stupid to struggle, and Aki was normally more mindful of the consequences for defiance. The consequence had been a hard slap to his cheek, and being forcibly removed from his clothing while he struggled, more angry than afraid._

_It hadn't taken long, even with the fight included. In what seemed to be an instant, he was gagged, tied, and cuffed appropriately. Had he been a good boy, he would have been allowed to walk before his legs were bound, but he'd ruined that chance by resisting, and as his master wrapped his fingers firmly around Aki's wrists and began to tug, Aki wished he'd been a better sport._

_The nap of the rug burned delicate skin as he was pulled from his bedroom and he closed his eyes, unsuccessfully attempting to ignore the sensation._

_Seconds later, Aki experienced relief, despite the darkness. As he heard the front door slam, he lay in the same position in which he had been left, and waited._

_And waited._

"A little. I hadn't been feeling well and I wasn't in a good mood. When he came to me and tried to tie me, I fought him, which I don't ever do. But he won, restrained me in my bedroom, and then dragged me to the closet. I must have been there for hours before you showed up. I never know what he had planned; the only warning I got was being restrained. That's how I knew something was going to happen."

Ueno nodded. That would explain the scratches and scrapes, along with the apparent signs of him struggling with his ties and handcuffs.

"One more question." Ueno then asked the most important question, at least to him. "What happened after I left?"

"He got a violent with me, and threw me out of his apartment."

"I know that." Ueno replied, a little frustrated with Aki's succinct explanation. "You told me that you defied him. How did you defy him? And what did he do?"

Aki, who had been facing forward through the entire conversation, stole a peek at Ueno out of the corner of his eye. He then angled his body as well, so that they were both facing one another.

"I told him off." Aki explained. "I told him what I just told you. That I had liked him, that I thought I could do anything for him, but that I was wrong. I guess even I had a breaking point."

Ueno visibly relaxed, now knowing that Aki hadn't just been cast away; that he had rejected his master. "And that made him angry."

"Nope." Aki shook his head before continuing. "I told him that if he wanted a pet, he needed to keep looking, find someone else. He laughed at me, because of course he still had the upper hand, and then dragged me back to my room. He locked me in, and I didn't hear from him again until later that night."

Ueno's eyes narrowed. "What happened?"

"I was asleep by then. I hadn't been feeling well earlier, like I said. After you left, I was _really_ tired, needless to say. I must have been sleeping deeply, because I didn't hear him unlock the door or get into bed with me."

"Did he force you to have sex with him?" Ueno didn't feel any less childish with this particular question either, but he really didn't care at this point.

Aki shook his head again, fighting to hold back the vision. "I wouldn't call it rape. I woke up as he was starting. I wasn’t prepared, so it hurt. But I didn't tell him to stop, didn't say no, didn't scream or fight him, nothing. I just stayed still and let him have me. That was a mistake."

"How?"

"Because I had two options: I could have put up a fight, or I could have participated. If I'd fought him, he still would have won, but once he dominated me and felt like he had me back under control, he would have calmed down. If I'd played along, he would have assumed I had changed my mind and realized my role again, and he would have been satisfied. But I chose a third option: which was not to react. But not doing anything at all was an insult to him, like I didn't care enough. And I didn't care anymore. I just wanted him to hurry up and finish. I looked him in the eye and told him to _go ahead_. He tried, but he couldn't stay.. hard."

Aki shrugged his shoulders simply. "And that made him angry. _Then_ he beat the hell out of me and told me to leave."

Ueno had no reply. He sat completely still, pieces coming together, some fitting, some without a mate, while Aki continued with no further prompting.

"I think that was my only option. I know I couldn't have left any other way. It would have been almost impossible to sneak out, and simply telling him I wanted to leave wouldn't have worked. I had to piss him off enough, had to make _him_ want me gone. If I'd known that simply not responding to him in bed would have done the trick, I would have tried it sooner."

"I'm sorry," Ueno said lamely, staring at his hands while Aki stared in confusion.

"You don't have a reason to be sorry."

"I knew you were a prisoner there. When you told me to go, I took off and left you there to deal with him alone. I should have taken you with me."

"Taken me where? Ueno, he wouldn't have _let_ me go with you. I told you he was close by. We wouldn't have made it out of the building. Even if we had, we wouldn't have gotten far, and I guarantee he would have punished both of us. I don't expect anyone to take a beating on my behalf, especially a stranger."

Aki leaned forward and gently took both of the other man's hands. "I told you to leave for your own safety, and I'm glad you listened. I don't want you to feel guilty about this."

"I know you did. But it's not easy trying to picture what happened after I left. Not to mention the fact that I treated you the way I did."

"Which is?" Aki was puzzled. What was Ueno talking about?

"Like everyone else who ended up in that apartment."

Aki had no idea how to answer Ueno, how to bring him peace over what taken place that afternoon, so he relied on logic. "I told you then that if we didn't do what he expected, that we both would have been in trouble. I didn't leave you any choice."

Ueno nodded, ill at ease, but dropping the issue and slowly composing himself. He had no more questions to ask for the time being. He was pleasantly surprised that Aki had opened up as much as he had, considering Aki had told him that there were parts of his life he'd never be able to discuss. Apparently his master wasn't one of those subjects. "Thank you for explaining."

"Yeah." Aki glanced at the clock, and gave Ueno's hands a shake. "It's late."

"I know." Ueno fingers slipped from Aki's grasp as he got to his feet and stretched. "I'm sorry I kept you up so late. I'll see you at school later, right?"

Aki followed suit, fidgeting. "I’ll be there. But I wasn't telling you to leave."

"Oh." Ueno said, dumbly.

"You should go home in the morning and get some sleep now." Aki honestly meant nothing inappropriate, although he understood what could be derived from his suggestion.

Ueno was grateful for the invite. First school, then starting a new job, their confrontation, followed by their talk had left him winded. After acknowledging how stressful his day had been, he realized he didn't want to deal with the walk home right then.

"Is it okay to sleep here?" Ueno gestured to the couch. "Do you have an extra blanket?"

"Sure." Aki walked to his bedroom to fetch said blanket, scowling the entire way. Really, was Ueno that thick? They couldn't share his bed like two mature adults? While Aki hadn't meant that they should go at it like rabbits, he didn't see a problem with sleeping next to him. He opened the double doors of his closet, snatching a thick spare comforter from a high shelf, but had successfully hidden his sulk under a generic expression by the time he returned to the living room.

"Here you go." Aki passed Ueno the blanket and watched as he spread it over the cushions before shrugging out of his snug fitting hooded sweatshirt. The action mussed up his hair, making it spike more than usual, but it wasn’t unattractive. The way Ueno's body was displayed by his t-shirt was difficult to ignore. It wasn't skin tight, but it clung to his shape slightly, providing a pleasant outline of his chest and midsection. Ueno was no beefcake, but he had a healthy, slightly muscular profile, compact and slender. He was stuck with a childish urge to cuddle with it. He'd never felt such a strong urge to cuddle before- come to think of it, he couldn't remember ever cuddling, period.

"Aki?"

Aki jumped. "What did you say?"

"I said good night." Ueno stared at Aki quizzically. "Are you okay?"

"Of course." Aki nodded.

"Okay." Ueno tossed his sweatshirt over the arm of the couch and turned back to Aki, stepping forward.

Aki closed his eyes as Ueno pulled him into their second hug of the night. He slid his arms around Ueno's midsection and pressed his cheek to Ueno's shoulder.

As they stood there, clinging to one another, Aki had to admit that this type of contact was almost as satisfying as the other. It didn't last nearly long enough, and Aki again was forced to hide his unsavory expression as Ueno released him. Aki did find it strange how Ueno could behave in such a bashful manner most of the night, and then all of a sudden initiate contact, almost as an afterthought. Or perhaps he had been trying to work up the nerve.

"Good night, Ueno." Aki felt the urge to leave the room, where he could sulk and pout to his heart's content. So that's exactly what Aki did, after shutting his bedroom door and changing into comfortable clothing.

His bed had never seemed so large before. It probably never would have, if he hadn't been thinking about how he'd be sleeping in it all alone. The funny thing was, he'd slept in it alone every night since he'd moved in, and hadn't minded before. Aki didn't anticipate an easy sleep, which would surely result in a hellish morning, but at least he had the comfort of knowing Ueno was in the next room even if they weren't together.

Ueno, however, had no problem falling asleep. It seemed like only minutes after Aki had dimmed the lights and left for his bedroom that he settled down on his side, pulling the blanket over his body, and began to drift away. He'd had a long day, and he needed some rest before he ran home in the morning to get showered and changed so that he could start it all over again.

He was floating, on the cusp of a deep sleep, when the couch dipped slightly from added weight, and he could sense a mass hovering over him. The couch then emitted a whooshing sound as whatever had been suspended above him landed on the cushions behind him.

His words were slurred. "What are you doing?"

Aki wiggled into a more comfortable position. "Going to sleep. Are you stingy with blankets?"

Ueno awoke fully after one of Aki's elbows embedded itself in his side. "Not that I know of. Your bed has got to be more comfortable than sharing a couch with me, though."

"It is." Aki turned towards the back of the couch, providing no further explanation.

Ueno was officially amused, despite his sleep deprived state. "Then why are you here?"

"Because you are." Aki replied huffily.

" _Oh_." Ueno said as understanding dawned. "Why didn't you just _ask_ me to sleep in your room?"

"Why did you _ask_ to sleep on the couch?"

Ueno laughed quietly. "It would be rude to ask to sleep in your bed. This is your place. You get cranky when you're sleepy, don't you?"

"Be quiet." Aki bit out crossly, applying his elbow again, this time purposely.

Ueno flinched, but was delighted by the development. He couldn't resist teasing him. "I think some bones just fell out of your closet."

Aki didn't answer him, but being in such close proximity, Ueno felt and heard his deep sigh.

"If we both sleep in your bed, will you stop being pissy?"

"I am _not_ pissy." Aki ground out, then paused before adding to his statement. "Yes."

"Alright." Ueno tossed back the blanket and rolled off the couch to his feet. He reached down, taking Aki's hand and helping him stand. "Come on. Lead me."

Aki felt a little juvenile, but that didn't stop him from experiencing a brief flash of triumph. At least he'd gotten what he wanted. He would have remained on the couch and suffered stiffness in the morning if he'd had to, but luckily Ueno had deciphered his not-so-subtle hint. Explaining part of his time with his master, while difficult, had a positive effect and Aki felt himself quite a bit more comfortable with Ueno's presence. The irritability he felt could have been due to fatigue, especially since had tossed and turned in his bed for over thirty minutes, wondering when the hell Ueno was going to give up and ask to come in, which he hadn't.

"Do you want something to sleep in?"

"I'm fine with what I have on." Ueno wasn't quite ready to share clothing. He stood at the foot of the bed, faced with indecision. "Which side is yours?"

Aki raised a brow. "The middle."

"That's not an answer."

"Yes, it is. You pick whatever side you want. I'll sleep in the middle."

Ueno gave up and chose the right side of the bed, before Aki flicked the light switch and they both slid into their chosen locations.

Aki did as he had warned; after Ueno got settled on his side of the bed, he shifted around until he found a comfortable position in the middle.

Ueno lay quietly, listening to Aki alternate his position, punch his pillow, and arrange blankets. Eventually he stilled, and the room was silent.

Ueno had almost drifted off again when the pillow punching resumed, which resulted in an accompanying squeaking of the mattress. What a fussy sleeper. "Lift your head." Aki did as instructed, and Ueno flipped onto his side, arm outstretched. "Here."

Aki dropped his head on the offered limb, fighting a yawn as Ueno gathered him closer with his other arm, arranging him until he felt Aki's warm breath ghost softly across his neck. "That's better." Aki murmured sleepily.

"Yeah." It was better for him too. Ueno's hand made its way to the nape of Aki's neck, running his fingers through silkiness he found there, and was rewarded with a rumbling akin to a purr as Aki melted into him more fully and their legs became entangled. "Wow."

"What?"

"Rabbit was not an accurate term for you. Earlier tonight, your hair reminded me of a rooster. A few minutes ago you were moving around and pawing at your bed like a dog trying to get comfortable. And now you're purring."

Aki burrowed into Ueno's shoulder, which would fast become a favorite location for his head. He did suffer from irritability when he was denied sleep, but the transition from surly to cheerful had been instantaneous. His hand slid to the small of Ueno's back, fisting in the cotton of his shirt. "You have animals on the brain. Always the pet sitter."

"I guess." Ueno closed his eyes and impulsively pressed a chaste kiss to Aki's cheek, continuing to massage Aki's scalp with his fingers. "Now, get your cranky ass to sleep."

 


	10. The Long Way Home

It was amazing how time stood still when Ueno was conflicted or distraught, but flew past him when he had virtually no huge worries to speak of for the moment.

After the incidents that Ueno simply titled _Monday night_ , the rest of the week passed quickly. Before he knew it, he was working his final day of the week. The shift was late, but Ueno didn't mind. He didn't have work or school for the next two days, so he figured he could wait to relax and unwind until then.

It was only six in the evening, and Ueno still had hours to burn, but he was cheerful regardless. He had settled into the routine- or lack of- quite nicely. He was able to carry out most of the requested tasks quickly, and still had time to study between errands, which was nice since he wouldn’t have time to do his homework after his shift was over.

That was good; Ueno had other things to take care of after work these days. He'd gone home to sleep the night before, but every other night had been spent in Aki's apartment.

Although he'd spent a portion of each night battling Aki's bedtime temper, he was happy with the development. Aki was a complete angel when awake and well rested. He was considerate, sweet, and pretty mellow himself most of the time. In addition, now that he was beginning to come out of his shell, Ueno was learning exactly what made Aki so special. However, when Aki was overly tired and trying to fall asleep or on the cusp of dozing and deep sleep, he was the complete opposite. He was grumpy, and took a decent amount of time to get comfortable, until eventually Ueno, fearing sea sickness, arranged Aki close to him.

Ueno wasn't sure why they didn't just start out that way; it would make things easier. It calmed Aki immediately, and they both usually drifted into slumber shortly after. With a past like Aki’s, it seemed odd that he welcomed contact so wholeheartedly, but Aki wasn’t a standard guy, anyway.

Either way, it was a small price to pay in order to be able to wake up next to the lighter haired man. It was hard for Ueno to watch someone so sleek and unflappable become clumsy and feeble minded, falling out of bed, running into walls and doors or tripping over his own feet. Ueno hoped that nothing bad ever befell Aki while he was trying to sleep; he'd be completely inept at protecting himself. He'd imagine Aki trying to evacuate during a fire or something similar and wince. It would be a miracle if he actually woke up in time to save himself.

After three nights of lying with Aki in his arms, curled protectively in his sleep around the other man's body, Ueno felt unbalanced returning to his apartment to sleep the night before. It had been unsettling to sleep alone, but it was he who had insisted on it, despite Aki's disappointment when he'd announced he was going home. He did, after all, have his own domicile. All it had taken was three nights for him to realize that sleeping alone was no fun, three nights for his body to recognize that the soft form pressed against him was preferable and that in its absence, something was wrong.

Ueno wasn't alone in that feeling. Aki informed him in his very quiet, silky voice during their break in school earlier that afternoon that Ueno should go home and pack a bag before he went to work. Ueno did as instructed, neither wanting nor needing to argue. The requested bag had already been stowed away in Aki's bedroom during his quick visit to the apartment before he had started work for the day and Aki's father had picked him up for a family outing.

There was a small, nagging sensation that sat just underneath his skin as he loaded several full watering cans onto a cart and then rode the elevator to the tenth floor. The source was easily identified, and as he set about watering the plants that sat in the unoccupied penthouse apartment and in each floor's lounge, he acknowledged just what was causing his unease.

Balance was still lacking. He had learned to be content with the information Aki was willing to vocalize. That wasn't the problem. In fact, over the last four days, he felt that they were steadily becoming more in sync with one another. Truth be told, even after recent events, they didn't know much about one another, but that was fast being remedied. Ueno teased Aki frequently, they had started sleeping next to one another, contact was becoming more common between them, and they were even content enough to be able to sit in comfortable silence together. All that in a span of four days wasn’t bad at all.

But it had been almost a week since their last kiss, which had been in Ueno's apartment that Saturday previous, and even _that_ had been their first kiss since meeting. It wasn't as if Ueno wasn't satisfied with less, but they _were_ dating, and Ueno couldn't think of a single couple who didn't partake in that activity. Besides, kissing was all kinds of fun, and Ueno liked to enjoy himself.

He hadn't made the effort, but then again, neither had Aki. Ueno's mind had been too busy juggling other thoughts and concerns to even consider making that type of move again. He almost felt guilty for assuming that since Aki was obviously the more experienced of the two, that he would be the one to initiate it.

That was a dumb assumption, as Aki hadn't. Ueno was learning that Aki was sweetly affectionate, both in the vocal and physical sense, and welcomed contact without argument, which was why he was baffled that the fairer hadn't taken a larger step against more amorous acts of intimacy. Ueno wasn't talking about sex, really; just a peck, at the very least.

Even so, Ueno wasn't dissatisfied. In fact, things were looking up. He hadn't woken up to any uncomfortable and embarrassing hardness since he'd started sharing Aki's bed. It confused Ueno; he'd figured the situation would become worse, but Ueno awoke every morning flaccid and elated. Perhaps it was because he was consistently satisfied in a deeper sense.

Ueno's thoughts shifted elsewhere, to earlier in the afternoon during their break together. Aki mentioned to him that he was planning on going out with his father late that afternoon, to visit with family. He hadn't mentioned exactly who he was going to see, but Ueno did remember his father mentioning a visit to his sister that weekend during that awkward situation Monday night. Regardless of who he was visiting, Aki had mentioned the trip with a certain amount of turmoil lacing his words. Ueno hadn't asked questions and only clucked in sympathy, as he didn't know if Aki would answer, and also because they both still had classes and he didn't want to make the rest of the day uncomfortable. He was learning when to simply let a subject drop.

He'd rushed home and quickly packed enough supplies and clothing to cover the weekend, just in case his stay was extended. He wasn't being presumptuous; it was just entirely likely that Aki would ask him to stay longer than one night. He'd hauled his bag all the way to work, and ran up to Aki's apartment to say hello and drop it off before work. Aki also hadn't mentioned his trip during Ueno's visit and his face reflected his happiness as he'd led Ueno into his bedroom to put his bag away, but his tone had been pensive. Ueno suspected it was a result of his impending outing with his father.

Now, hours later, Ueno wondered how Aki was doing, with _whatever_ it was he was doing. He busied himself running back and forth between stations and departments, determined to help the evening progress as quickly as possible into night. The sooner that happened, the sooner he'd be off and he was more than ready to rest after such a busy week. He'd been informed by Aki that he should be back later that night and been given a spare key, just in case he wasn't back by the time Ueno finished for the night.

That had been weird, accepting the key. Ueno had protested that he'd just hang out at work until Aki returned or go home until he was contacted. Aki, however, had been insistent that he take it and with a small smile, he'd slipped the heavy piece of metal that would grant him entry into Ueno's palm before bracing his hands against Ueno's back and shoving him out of the apartment, stating he'd be late for work. Hopefully he didn't have to use it.

The night's approach had been slow, despite Ueno's efforts to remain busy. He'd even managed to finish all of his homework, and still had too much free time on his hands that night. But finally, Ueno looked at the clock and noted that he had roughly an hour left before he was finished.

His earpiece beeped quietly and startled from his thoughts, Ueno pushed the button to activate it.

"Yes?"

"The boss wants to talk to you. He's in his office."

"Alright. Thanks." Ueno pressed the button again to disconnect. Ueno was relieved that he didn't have to wait on Aki alone in his apartment, but he hadn't realized they would be back so soon.

He also had no idea why his boss would want to speak with him unless there was a problem, so with a bit of uncertainty, he abandoned his task of dusting things that didn't need dusting and stepped behind the check- in desk and down the hallway that lead to his destination.

He knocked quietly, and was immediately rewarded with an order to enter. Opening the door, he first noticed Aki slumped in one of the large office chairs and massaging his temples, Satou-san standing over him worriedly.

"Good evening, Ueno."

"Good evening, sir. Is something the matter?"

"Not at all." Satou-san began busily opening drawers, failing to locate whatever he was looking for and slamming each shut. Ueno had never seen him in casual wear before, but he appeared even younger in his jeans and pullover windbreaker. "Have a seat for a moment."

Ueno sat in the only other available chair, which was next to Aki's. "Can I help you find something?"

"I was just looking for the first aid kit I keep in here. I want to take Aki's temperature." Satou-san gave up, and instead resumed his previous position, which was towering over his son. He set his fingers lightly against Aki's forehead, only to have them immediately brushed away roughly.

"Dad, I said I'm fine. Stop fussing over me, please." Aki sighed irritably as his father took a seat behind his desk.

Ueno forgot to use caution. He immediately stood and took Satou-san's place. "Are you sick, Aki? You seemed fine earlier." Without thinking, he pressed the back of his hand gently against Aki's forehead. "Did you eat anything tonight?"

Satou-san propped his elbows on the desktop, resting his chin on his clasped hands. He quietly watched with a raised brow as Ueno, satisfied that Aki had no temperature, removed his fingers from Aki's face and rose to his full height, crossing his arms.

"It's just a headache, Ueno. I'll be fine after I get settled upstairs." Aki answered calmly.

"And yes, he's eaten, though very little. I had to practically force what he _did_ eat down his throat."

Ueno jumped as Satou-san's voice registered. Was it possible to temporarily forget that his boyfriend's father- his boss- was in the room? He sat back down, just a little mortified at what he'd done.

"If you're sure you'll be fine, go on upstairs. I need to talk to Ueno for a moment. Call me if you need anything."

Aki shot out of his chair, and he exited like a guilty man released from prison early. "Goodnight, dad." Before he could receive a reply, he shut the door behind him, and Ueno was able to clearly hear the rapidly receding footfalls.

Satou-san stared at the slammed door for a moment, but returned his gaze to Ueno in short order. "How was your first week?"

"Good, sir."

"Excellent. The reason I called for you is in regards to your schedule next week."

Ueno heaved a relieved sigh. "Is there a problem?"

Satou-san shook his head. "I wanted to make some changes is all. I completely forgot that next week will be a busy one. I'll need you here Monday through Thursday, and the shifts will be a little longer. I'll need you to stay until at least eleven. Will you be able to handle that? I don’t want this to interfere with your studies."

"Of course." Ueno nodded immediately. "But I was scheduled for Friday, too. Do you not need me then anymore?"

"You'll be off Friday. I forgot to mention this to you earlier in the week, but Friday is the fifth anniversary of the hotel's opening. This is the first time I've done something like this, but I've sent invitations to everyone who has contributed to its opening and success, both financially and otherwise, as well as some family. I'll be offering them a free stay for the week. You've done a great job for your first week, from what I've heard. We'll need your help next week more than ever. I’m expecting a lot of random chaos."

"Thank you." Ueno replied humbly. "I'd love to help any way I can."

"No, thank you." Satou-san scribbled some notes on a piece of stationary embossed with the hotel's logo, and handed the slip of paper to Ueno, who pocketed it. These will be your new hours next week."

Ueno prepared to stand.

"Wait, son. I do have one more question." Satou-san leaned forward in his chair and his expression turned decidedly agonized, as if he didn't like what he was about to ask, but he was going to go ahead and do it anyway. Ueno immediately felt his stomach begin to turn. He didn't know the man well, so he wasn't yet experienced in reading his expressions or moods, but he had a feeling the face he was making now couldn't be good. Satou-san had transitioned from cheerful to something unidentifiable in a matter of seconds.

Ueno shot him a nervous glance. "Yes, sir?" He spoke very carefully.

"I was surprised when I found out that you knew my son. I'm glad that he's associating himself with people with a good heads on their shoulders, but I need to know something, Ueno. How close are you to Aki?"

Ueno realized he probably looked pretty idiotic. He blinked confusedly, even though it was an extremely simple question, and equally simple to answer.

"I've heard that after work you've gone upstairs and haven't left a few nights this week. Have you been staying with him overnight?"

Ueno gulped, and he hoped it wasn't audible. "Sir?"

Satou-san's expression didn't change, although he was no longer looking at Ueno. He stared downward as he tapped his fingers rapidly and loudly against his desktop.

"What type of relationship do you have with my son?"

 


	11. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

Ueno was _beyond_ tired.

He trudged toward the elevator after Satou-san left for the night and he'd finished his shift, bidding Himura-san goodnight. His plan was to shower and change upstairs, and then try to relax before falling asleep.

After all the hoopla about their sleepovers, he wondered if it would be a better idea to just grab his stuff and walk home for the night, but the thought left his mind soon after entering it. He didn't want to go, and Aki was waiting up for him; he was sure of that. The fairer haired man would be disappointed if Ueno announced he was going home.

He punched the button for the ninth floor and waited impatiently for the answering chime that would precede the opening of the elevator doors. The minute it took for the elevator to zoom to the ninth floor and the few seconds it took to walk to Aki's door felt like an hour. He knocked quietly, then heard faint shuffling, and a pause that Ueno was sure was due to Aki peering through the peep hole, before the lock clicked and the door swung open.

Aki stepped back and allowed Ueno to enter, glaring at him peevishly. "I gave you a key," he said softly, taking Ueno by the hand and urging him further into the apartment before shutting the door, "so why won't you use it?"

"I would have, if you hadn't been home." Ueno reached into his pocket, producing the spare key, attempting to place it into Aki's hand.

Aki frowned, refusing his offering. "No. I want you to keep it. Just in case."

Ueno thought about arguing, but decided against it; he didn't have the energy. He stuffed the key back into his pocket. "How's the headache?"

"I took some painkillers, so it should be gone soon. What about you? You don't look like you feel wonderful yourself." Aki stood directly in front of his boyfriend, long fingers toying with Ueno’s tie.

"I'm okay." Ueno was a little tickled at the sheer domesticity of the moment, and he stood still as Aki loosened the bit of silk wrapped around his neck. He noticed Aki's hair was still slightly damp, and reached up, lightly tousling it. "You hair's still wet- again."

"I know. I was drying it when you came in. Do you want to shower?"

"If it's okay with you." Ueno could use the time to think. He almost drooled in anticipation when he thought of standing under a hot spray of water.

"Of course it is. Let me get you some towels." Aki released Ueno's tie and returned to his bedroom. Ueno followed slowly, swallowing a yawn. He hoped Aki wouldn't care if he passed out immediately after his shower. He probably wouldn't; Aki would be more upset if Ueno went home, but he seemed to like it when Ueno treated his apartment like his own.

Aki handed Ueno two towels, and Ueno accepted them before digging through his bag for some clothing and closed himself off in the bathroom. He quickly undressed and stepped into the shower. He stood there; the nozzle aimed directly at his face, and began to resonate with the evening's events.

Ueno took his time, scrubbing every inch of skin and hair until he tingled. As the tension in his body began to ease and he finally acknowledged the humor of the situation, he chuckled. Then he laughed.

Things only escalated from there. Soon, Ueno was laughing so hard that he had to brace his hands against the shower wall to prevent his body, which was covered from head to toe with suds, from sliding to the floor.

While the laughter and whooping subsided, he quickly rinsed the soap from his body and hair before turning off the faucet. While he dried himself, he noticed that in his mirth, he'd perked up considerably. He was still a little weary, but his mood had improved. As he'd spent an extended amount of time in the shower, he hurriedly yanked on a t-shirt and sweats before exiting the bathroom.

He stopped in the doorway. Aki sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed, apparently waiting for Ueno to finish his shower. Both eyebrows were raised, and he wore a questioning expression.

"What was that all about?"

What do you mean?" Ueno approached the bed slowly.

Aki stood, commandeering Ueno's towel and running it briskly over his hair. "What was so funny?"

"Your dad." Ueno sobered, bowing his head so Aki could complete his task easily. Over the course of the week, he'd learned several facts about Aki; some confused him, and others endeared him to Aki even more. It was small, unexpected things, but they caught Ueno's attention. He suspected that Aki wasn't used to caring for someone else, but that his efforts weren't forced.

Aki didn't reply until he was satisfied that Ueno was dry enough and tossed the towel into a basket. "What about him is funny, exactly?"

"A lot of things." Ueno answered honestly. "He tries hard to be young."

Aki rolled his eyes skyward. "I've noticed." He followed Ueno into the living area and settled into a chair while Ueno lay on the couch, one arm tossed over his eyes. "What did you two have to say to each other?"

"Not a whole lot." Ueno's reply was bland. "How was your visit? Did you go to see your mom?"

"No." Aki's first instinct was to attempt to change the subject, but he was trying to improve. He shifted to his favorite position. "Well, yes. My mom was there, but the three of us went to visit my sister."

"Is she married? How old is she?"

"She's twenty-three, and she's not married." Aki was starting to feel uncomfortable already.

"Is she away in school?"

"Hardly." Aki waved a hand dismissively. "She's been institutionalized. Temporarily, if she's lucky."

"Oh." Ueno vaguely recognized the fact that he said _oh_ an awful lot when speaking to Aki.

"My dad says she's suffering from some kind of drug induced condition. I don't really know what all that means. I just know that she's out of it most of the time, but that eventually, it will probably get better."

Aki was putting forth his best effort in trying to be more open, but the subject made his skin crawl, so he erred on the side of caution and feigned ignorance. He was ready for a change in dialogue, so he switched gears back to the subject Ueno had tried to avoid himself. "So, you never explained what it was about my dad that had you howling in the shower."

He couldn't tell Aki everything that was discussed, of course. In hindsight, Ueno had to admit that the conversation hadn't been a bad one; it had been the stress of trying to anticipate what Aki's father was trying to say that had been so exhausting. He'd sat there, terrified and attempting to predict what Satou-san was thinking. But, Aki's father was absolutely hilarious in his attempts to understand youth. Ueno recognized the humor now that he had started to relax.

Aki sat in his chair in his standard cross-legged position while Ueno chuckled, eyes still closed, and slid down further, sinking fully into the cushioning. "It's hard to explain."

"Try."

"Your dad tries really, really hard to relate to you."

Aki nodded. "Yup. It's pathetic. Do you know what he asked me in the car on the way home?"

"What?"

"If I had found anyone worth poking since I came back to school."

Ueno laughed again, and it took a minute, as well as a glass of water that Aki worriedly hopped out of his chair and into the small kitchen to pour, until he could speak again.

Ueno gulped down half a glassful, still snickering intermittently. "What did you tell him?" He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

Aki smiled sweetly, now perched on the couch beside Ueno's legs. "I told him that I'd let him know." He took the glass from Ueno's fingers and set it on the coffee table. "Now, answer my question."

Ueno wondered how long he could stall and tease Aki before he truly became irate. "Oh, I don't know." Ueno said. "It had something to do our _relationship_ , if I remember correctly."

Aki tapped a foot impatiently. If it was in regards to his relationship with Ueno, or simply Aki's own sexual orientation, he really didn't care what his father thought. He'd never discussed sexuality with him before, but his father learning about either fact was the least of his troubles. However, the twinkle in Ueno's eyes indicated that the situation must have amused him. "Ueno."

"He tried to think of all kinds of words to describe our situation before he found the perfect one."

"Ueno." Aki stood, swinging one leg over Ueno's thighs and lowering his body again. "I think you're enjoying yourself a little too much."

Ueno froze, watching as Aki straddled him. He was a pleasant weight; wonderfully solid, but not heavy. He was silent as Aki slowly scooted forward until he was comfortably seated.

Aki gave his boyfriend another sweet smile, settling into his position contentedly. It was a bold move, considering the rate in which their relationship had been progressing. On his part, he'd done much more in the past, but with Ueno, things had started out of order from the very beginning. Even though they had already had sex, everything else was new. Touching, kissing, and cuddling were all aspects of a relationship that could be taken for granted, especially since they both were so hesitant to take any first steps. He suspected that Ueno was being cautious, and he didn't want to scare Ueno by being too forward. However, if one of them didn't do something soon, Aki was going to break something.

Ueno regained his composure. "After you left, he asked me, _specifically_ , what kind of relationship the two of us have."

"Ah." Aki tilted his head thoughtfully, moving his hands from the couch cushions to lightly brush them over Ueno's fully clothed stomach. "This sounds like an interesting conversation. What did you tell him?"

"If I told him the truth, would you be mad?"

"No." Aki answered immediately. " _Did_ you tell him the truth?"

"I didn't have to tell him anything. He had it all figured out." Ueno gazed into Aki's eyes, waiting for a reaction.

"So he knows?"

Ueno grinned. "Nope."

Aki sighed. "Are you being difficult on purpose?"

"Yes." Ueno shifted slightly, and Aki lost his train of thought temporarily as the motion forced his pelvis more solidly against Ueno's. His eyes clouded slightly, and he shuddered.

"Start from the beginning. And no teasing." Aki swatted at his belly after recovering.

"Word for word, huh?"

"Whatever works for you. Now."

_"R-relationship?"_

_Ueno was above dumb parroting, but it was more of an attempt to buy himself some time to gather his thoughts, rather than actual stupidity._

_"Yes." Satou-san confirmed, staring at Ueno intently. "I need to know what he is to you. Himura-san says that you've been staying upstairs at night. Is that true?"_

_"Yes." Ueno replied slowly. He couldn't lie to the man. It wasn't in his nature to be anything but honest._

_"And you hang out at school too?"_

_"During breaks, yes."_

_"Has Aki been to your home? Do you live alone?"_

_"Yes, and yes, sir."_

_"Has he met any of your family?"_

_"Yes. Last weekend he came by for some help with his homework, while they happened to be visiting, and he met some of them then."_

_"Ah." Satou-san relaxed, ever so slightly, in his seat. "Was he on his best behavior?"_

_Ueno started. "Yes, of course, sir. They loved him." What type of question was that? Satou-san had veered away from the most pressing question, and was moving on to some smaller, more innocent inquiries._

_"I see." Satou-san sat quietly, seemingly at a loss. It took him a few seconds to formulate his words. I'm sure you're wondering why I'm asking you so many questions."_

_Ueno couldn't reply directly to Satou-san's statement; it would have been disrespectful to agree with him, although Ueno did think it was odd. "It's okay, sir."_

_"You see, I worry about my son. I won't go into finer detail, but we haven't gotten along for quite a while now. He's usually polite to us, but he's distanced himself so much, and we don't know how to fix it. Now that he's home, I want to start trying again to bridge that gap. And I also want to make sure that he's not associating with anyone who will reverse the small amount of progress his mother and I have been making with him."_

_"I understand." Ueno didn't understand. Sure, Satou-san was making sense, but he didn't have any idea why he felt the need to explain this to Ueno, or where the conversation was headed._

_"You seem like a good kid, son. I hope I didn't offend you with all of my questioning. I just need to know that my son is spending time with people who are good for him. He hasn't always hung out with the most savory types, if you understand what I mean."_

_"I do."_

_Satou-san sighed. "So, what I was trying to ask, in a nutshell, was if you and Aki are.. what's the word you young people like to use….."_

Boyfriends? Main squeezes? Partners? Fuck buddies? _Ueno waited as Satou-san struggled. He sat through the man's tongue clicking, varying comical facial expressions and finger tapping. As he opened his mouth to speak, Ueno sat forward in his seat expectantly._

_"Best friends forever."_

_Already leaning forward, Ueno almost toppled out of his chair. "B-best friends?"_

_"Forever." Satou-san amended. "Isn't that what all you young, fast people are calling it these days? You have sleepovers, you help each other with homework, he's met your family, and you hang out at school. You seem to worry about his welfare. I'd be happy for you two to have that type of friendship. It's refreshing to see Aki spending time with such a good kid with his head on straight like you."_

_Ueno sat back in his seat, his mind reeling with shock and relief._

_And incredulity. The man couldn't be that clueless, could he? As he stared at Satou-san, who gazed back with a content, effervescent smile, he relaxed even further._

_Apparently so._

_Ueno cleared his throat. "I suppose that's what some people call it. Most guys I know don't, though. I think that's more for girls, sir."_

_"Oh, I see. You men are much too macho for all that nonsense, huh? Should I just refer to you two as buddies?"_

_"That would be just fine, sir." Ueno felt a headache of his own on the horizon if he didn't get off this particular subject fast._

_"Fine with me. I didn't mean to imply that I was against your friendship; in fact, I'm very happy that you two are close and that you've been looking after him. Like I said, you're a good kid."_

_"Thank you."_

"So he thinks we're best friends?"

Ueno chuckled. "Best friends _forever._ There’s a difference. So anyway, that's what I was laughing about. It all of a sudden hit me how funny our conversation was." He didn't mention the second half; Aki would find out soon enough what the rest of their conversation pertained to. And Ueno was willing to bet that Aki wouldn't be happy when he found out, either.

"I wonder how he's made it as far as he has in life, being that dim." Aki remarked, closing his eyes.

"I'm just glad that he wasn't that far off the mark." Ueno muttered without thinking.

"Excuse me?" Aki asked, confused.

Ueno inwardly groaned, telling himself that needed to learn how to censor his words more. "Um.. I just meant that he was pretty much correct."

"Clarify." Aki's eyes were narrowed. "Why is he correct?"

"In good conscience, I wouldn't have wanted to mislead your dad if I could avoid it. It was easier to agree with him since-"

"Since?"

"We haven't really done anything." There. He'd said it. He hadn't mean to even bring the subject up, and Ueno wasn't implying that he was disappointed or even expecting anything in particular; it was the simple truth.

There was a brief dead silence following his statement. Ueno was cursing his thoughtless words when suddenly, Aki smiled. "I see. Then I guess it's my job to make a liar out of you."

He was always surprised at what he felt when he and Ueno came into contact. Before, he had never felt such anticipation related to the action of simply touching someone. But now, he was pressed up against Ueno, and he couldn't remember ever feeling everything so clearly; the roughness of their clothing, and the gentle pressure of the outside of Ueno's thighs resting against the inside of his calves. In the past, he hadn't had the time or the interest to focus on those sensations. Since he and Ueno were both moving so slowly, Aki had been able to discover the aspects of intimacy that were smaller, but proving to be just as important and pleasurable. Aki had never been able to luxuriate in the feeling of someone running their fingers through his hair, the warmth of someone's breath against his forehead while he fell asleep, or the urge to arch and purr while someone used their hands to rub circles in the small of his back.

Ueno had been right; they had both been on their best behavior. He appreciated what they already shared, but it was time to level up, as far as Aki was concerned. Nothing too adult, nothing too messy, but surely kissing shouldn't be a problem.

With that, he moved his arms up, supporting his weight as he lowered his body until he and Ueno were nose to nose.

The kiss was slow but rather wholesome, as far as kissing went. Aki was expecting Ueno to jump in at any point and participate, so he was startled when Ueno moved both hands to Aki's shoulders, pushing him backward.

When Aki opened his eyes, he didn't see rejection in Ueno's gaze, only determination. Determined to do what, Aki wasn't sure of, since he _had_ broken off the kiss.

"Color."

Aki's eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"Your favorite color." Ueno smiled. "What is it?"

"Blue." Aki was truly confused now. What kind of question was that, and why would Ueno ask it now, of all times?

"Nice." Ueno raised his arms, and swept his hands underneath Aki's, which the lighter haired man had been using to prop himself up, causing him to lose his balance and drop down onto Ueno's chest none too gently.

"Oof!" That might have been a bad move. Ueno gritted his teeth as Aki's forehead collided with his chin. He ignored the sharp pain; it would be gone soon enough. He threaded the fingers of one hand through Aki's hair and lifted his head so that they were again nose to nose. "Favorite movie."

Aki's forehead smarted, but he answered anyway. "I don't think I have one."

"Okay." Ueno began to move his fingers, settling into a pattern that he had grown used to that past week. When they were cuddled up together, waiting for sleep to claim them, Ueno's fingers would begin to itch if they weren't buried in the other's silky hair, and Aki seemed to melt each time he did it. The other hand slid down to begin massaging Aki's back soothingly. He urged Aki's head past the mere inch that separated their lips, and gave him a quick, soft kiss.

Aki quivered, his pain forgotten. His attention was diverted as Ueno, his lips still resting against Aki's, spoke again.

"Do you like chocolate?" As he spoke, his warm breath washed over Aki's cheeks, and Aki couldn't stop the sigh that escaped his lips.

"Not really."

"Okay." He was rewarded with another kiss, this one longer. What _do_ you like?" Ueno began running his lips from the corner of Aki's mouth, up to his cheek.

"I prefer fruit." Aki never questioned the reason behind the barrage of truly strange inquiries. Before he could even begin to ponder, Ueno's mouth would direct his thoughts elsewhere.

Ueno's fingers tightened and he held Aki in place as he kissed him again. Aki had to wonder where Ueno had gotten the nerve when he was normally so reserved, and came to the conclusion that since he himself had broken the ice, Ueno had been able to move forward. He wasn't complaining, just surprised at Ueno's newfound bravery. A little encouragement apparently went a long way.

Ueno's mouth slid slowly from his own, down his chin, then to his neck. Aki felt Ueno's lips part, and he clenched his fingers as the slick warmth of the other man's tongue began to lave at Aki's pulse point. This time, he couldn't hold back the whimper that rose from his throat, bursting from his lips so suddenly even he wasn't expecting it.

Meanwhile, as Ueno proceeded to nuzzle Aki's exposed skin, he realized that the fear that he had associated with furthering their relationship was missing. Aki didn't appear to be protesting, so he guessed his behavior was acceptable at the very least, and wanted ideally.

Vaguely, Aki marveled at the realization that seducing was normally his job. In many cases, the other man didn't know what to expect. They were usually in a state of shock, at least at first, and it was Aki's unspoken responsibility to loosen them up. While he was always on the receiving end, he was still the leader. He incited them to action, and the rest was history.

He was the one reduced to a shivering, achy mess this time. It was yet another way that Ueno differed from everyone else. He shifted in Ueno's arms, sliding to the side, so that instead of being draped over Ueno like a blanket, he was cushioned by Ueno in the front, and the couch in the back.

Ueno rolled over onto his side, and Aki was able to slide an arm around his waist. They both then became active participants.

"Sports?"

"Swimming. You?"

"Baseball." Ueno gasped aloud as he felt a whisper of cold air on his side as his t-shirt was shoved upward, immediately followed by the warmth of smooth, soft fingers tickling his skin. "I should have guessed you were a swimmer. Favorite animal?"

"Never thought about it before." His knee prodded at Ueno, and without thinking, Ueno parted his legs, allowing Aki's leg to slide between both of his.

"Flavor?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know your favorite flavor?"

He settled back as Ueno raised himself far enough to grab the edge of a throw blanket. With only the use of one hand, he shook it to unfold the knitted material, arranged it over both of their bodies as well as he was able to, then reached behind them to turn off the last lamp that illuminated the living area.

Aki closed his eyes. "So, do you feel like a liar now?"

"I guess so. I suppose best friends don't make out like that, do they?"

Aki snorted. "Best friends forever, you mean. Anyway, trust me, that _wasn't_ making out. We'll do that some other day."

It was early for a Friday night, but Ueno drifted off quickly. Aki lay quietly, listening to Ueno's gentle breathing. He hadn't answered Ueno's last question. His mouth tingled and in the dark, he swept his tongue across his bottom lip, unable to identify the taste that lingered. Quiet as it was kept; he now knew that his favorite flavor didn't have a name.


	12. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

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The Long Way Home: Chapter 12

 

It was odd to be alone these days. Aki certainly didn't spend every second of every day with Ueno; they both had classes, Ueno had to work, and they both had family and outside lives, but as time progressed, their time together had increased exponentially.

With that being true, Aki figured Friday shouldn't have been any different. However, here he was, sitting alone, hoping that Ueno hadn't gotten hit by a car on his walk to campus, snatched up from the sidewalk and being held for ransom or immobile in an alley after being mugged for pocket money. Routines were easy to form, and made life a little crazy when broken. The lack of Ueno was possibly more acute due to the fact that they had spent the entire weekend together and most of their free moments during the following week.

Ueno was usually happy with whatever they did, but that weekend he'd experienced a bout of restlessness. He'd ended up dragging Aki out of the apartment Saturday night in search of something, _anything_ to do. Aki hadn't argued or minded, of course. When he was content, he was sweetly agreeable.

They'd went to a theater and paid to watch a movie that Aki had found boring, and Ueno couldn't for the life of him remember the plot of. He understood why Ueno hadn't paid much attention, considering Aki had spent most of the two hour period committing cute acts of obscenity in the back of the darkened room. If Ueno hadn't been trying to dodge the nibbles on his earlobe, he'd been prying Aki's fingers from various parts of his body. Aki had been careful not to touch any risky body parts, but it didn't appear to matter where. Ueno had been affected anyway.

Aki had been content to sit there in the dark and make Ueno uncomfortable. He, of course, would never do anything to intentionally humiliate or upset Ueno, but getting a rise out of him was fun.

Since they'd crossed another line Friday night, he felt a more comfortable in being flirtatious. It had been nice to spend time with Ueno in a public setting; he hadn't noticed what a homebody he'd become until he'd left the apartment to do something fun.

The whole weekend had been an attempt on Aki's part to acclimate Ueno as much as possible without traumatizing the poor guy. He hadn't started out with that intention, but after Friday night he realized that Ueno needed reassurance. Aki wasn't experienced in the ways of proper relationships, so it was odd that he was the one attempting to provide guidance. In fact, he wondered if Ueno ever considered that Aki might need support as well. Ueno didn't realize that having lots of sex didn't mean that Aki had been in lots of relationships- healthy ones, rather. The ritual had repeated itself numerous times over the weekend; they spent all of their time together, but Aki was never sure when Ueno would take another chance and the uncertainty irked him.

Ueno was either truly shy or scared. Aki questioned how Ueno could behave so bashfully most of the time, and then experience brief spurts of friskiness, like he had Friday night. Aki had been trying to let him know without words that it was acceptable to treat Aki with affection since then.

Aki hadn't realized how much he had been missing. He hadn't had very much experience in how to nurture a healthy relationship before moving in with his master, and Aki was just now coming to the conclusion that that was what he wanted with Ueno. No weirdness, no pain, and no uncertainties. Not only that, he wanted to feel the ease of both of them knowing that what they were doing was normal, without fear or embarrassment.

Regardless of how he was driving Aki crazy with his unspoken _don't_ _touch_ policy, Aki still found him refreshing. Unexpectedly, the novelty hadn't worn off yet, and showed no sign of abating any time soon. Ueno had been adamant about Aki giving him a chance, and he hadn't realized how glad he'd be that he did.

That brought Aki right back to the situation over the weekend. Where was that attitude now? Another week had passed, and Aki was alone on his break between classes. Normally Ueno would be here with him, and they would spend their half hour together before they separated for the remainder of the day.

Aki's half hour was almost over. Ueno was very prompt, and wasn't the type to skip out on class or anything else, for that matter. He'd gotten a little studying done, but he felt Ueno's absence strongly, and it was throwing his inner clock off kilter. He'd sent Ueno a message to make sure nothing was wrong, but hadn't received a response, which was also odd because Ueno was reliable in most aspects.

Aki was discovering that he had, in fact, missed his calling. Sex slave: no. Mother hen: absolutely. He picked up his books and left, heading for his last class of the day, and spent the next hour suffering from complete boredom.

He felt a little drained as he left the classroom, preparing for his walk home. He had hoped he and Ueno could have ran off somewhere _far_ from everyone else; no doubt, his father was lurking around the hotel, waiting to pounce on him with some sort of surprise birthday gift, a cake, or something stupid. Hiding seemed like a worthwhile plan.

Aki stopped in his tracks as he heard the gentle chime of his cell phone. He held it up and scowled. He stared at the display, almost shoving the phone back into his pocket, but in the end decided it would be better to answer. If he didn't, his father would continue to call.

"Hi, dad."

"Hi, son. Where are you?"

"I'm still on campus."

"For how long? Ueno said you should be done about now."

"I'm leaving now. You've talked to him today?" Aki frowned. He'd skipped their break, and since they didn't have any classes together and he hadn't answered Aki's message, he wasn't even sure if Ueno had come to school at all. "Is he okay?"

"Of course. Don't worry about that. Just hurry up and meet me at the university entrance."

Aki had learned to be suspicious of his father when he wouldn't directly answer questions, much like most people, and he frowned at his phone. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Will you stop being so difficult and just get yourself over here?" His father sounded as cheerful as ever, but there was an underlying current that carried a bit of a warning in his voice.

Aki mumbled a reluctant affirmative before hanging up. He didn't say goodbye; he simply snapped the flip closed and stuffed the phone into his pocket.

He took his time walking towards the school's entrance. His father could wait. Aki didn't have any other plans, but he wasn't in any hurry to get in the car with the man. He should have known better than to expect to get through his birthday unscathed.

Despite his slow pace, it wasn't a long walk across campus, and as he walked through the gates, he saw his father's black car, engine running, parked at the curb a few car lengths away.

Aki approached the vehicle slowly. As he made it to the passenger side, he heard the doors unlock, and through the tinted windows, he could barely make out his father in the driver's seat. He couldn't determine his facial expression, but he could tell that his father was twitching with what was most likely impatience.

As Aki opened the door and slid into the passenger seat, his father turned to him while putting the car into drive. "Hey there, son. We're on a schedule, and you're wasting precious time, slowpoke."

"I wasn't aware that I'd be following _any_ sort of schedule today."

"Did you really think you were going to hide from me today? You should know better than that" Satou-san scoffed. "I don't care how much you want to be left alone; it's only one day a year."

His father _was_ right, so Aki nodded his assent, and they rode along in silence. He didn't ask where they were going, or what his father had planned. If he had wanted to provide Aki with that information, he would have done so. He knew better than to question his father when he was in a playful mood such as his current one, so he kept his mouth shut and watched the passing scenery.

The ride was short. As his father turned down an unfamiliar side street, Aki perked up, looking for a business or location he recognized. All that surrounded him were small shops, and he noticed that the area was a little seedier than most.

In addition, his parents were sort of the uppity type, so he didn't see either of them frequenting these types of establishments either. Apparently, he'd guessed wrong, and he lifted a brow as his father pulled into a vacant spot along the curb.

"Well, see you in few." Satou-san set the parking brake and turned to Aki with a smile.

Aki stared at his father in confusion. "See me? You're dropping me off?

"Correct, but not for long." Satou-san pressed a button on the side console, and Aki heard the click of his door unlocking. Before he could inquire further, he was distracted by a figure blocking the light that had shone through his window just a moment before.

Aki let out a squeak of alarm and shrank towards his father as his door was opened from the outside. He was even more alarmed when the figure poked its dark-haired head inside. Then recognition took place, and he sat back in his seat, although his heart was still pounding rapidly. "Ueno."

"Hey. Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Ueno grinned, then stepped back as Aki slowly composed himself and climbed out of the vehicle. "Come on. Your dad's going to wait here."

"What's going on?" Aki stood at the curb, looking at his surroundings in bewilderment while Ueno shut the car door. "Where are we going? And where were you today? Why didn't you ans-"

"No questions." Ueno threw an arm around Aki's shoulders and led him onto the sidewalk. Aki obediently allowed himself to be guided, but felt a little unease as Ueno turned to wave to his father. Had they planned something together?

"Okay. We're off." Ueno's arm dropped from his shoulders, and he began to walk down the sidewalk. Aki matched his pace, deep in thought. Pausing to allow someone to pass in the opposite direction, Aki found himself a few paces behind, but he didn't pay it any mind. He was trying to figure something out.

If Ueno was talking to his father about him, then it was likely that he knew the significance of today, but he hadn't mentioned anything to Aki. Besides, Aki himself hadn't spoken about it because he honestly didn't put much stock in birthdays. Even though he didn't really feel like acknowledging today, it was always a little thrilling when someone ignored his wishes and did something nice anyway. Emphasis on the word nice. It was rare when a birthday surprise brought him pleasure.

Aki didn't feel like being treated to another piece of disgusting chocolate cake, customary gifts of socks and undershirts, clothes he would never dream of wearing, or CDs of groups he'd never heard of. He didn't have any use for money, nor a desire to be surrounded by people he really didn't care about, and who didn't care for him either.

More than that, he disliked having to put on the happy face that good manners dictate he did when he opened his gifts. If he didn't, the hopeful expression on his mother's face would fade into disappointment, his father's blabbering would become awkward, and he would appear ungrateful. He knew he was a spoilsport, but he couldn't help it.

If he was lucky, he got to spend a quiet few hours with his immediate family. He didn't mean to be antisocial, but he was relishing that fact that he could isolate himself in his apartment and only deal with people if he felt like it. At this point, not only was his chance at having a peaceful night shot, but now that he was legal, the chance of spending a loud, boisterous night and morning Satou-style would increase. How he could be so different from his parents and the majority of his extended family baffled him.

He hoped that perhaps Ueno simply wanted to hang out, but that was obviously untrue. If it had been the case, his father wouldn't have been involved. In addition, he and Ueno were obviously on their way to do something specific, as his father was going to sit in the car and wait on them. Was that why Ueno had been asking all of those useless, seemingly innocent questions last weekend?

He was brought back to reality with a jolt as Ueno suddenly stopped, and Aki crashed into him from behind.

"We're here." Before Aki had the chance to identify exactly what _here_ was, Ueno darted behind him, braced his hands on Aki's shoulders to turn him, and was pushing him past the open doors.

_Here_ was a dimly lit, extremely fragrant expanse of clothing and other paraphernalia. As soon as they entered, Aki was abandoned, but he was too busy checking out his surroundings to worry. As Ueno disappeared, Aki amused himself by slowly wandering through wide aisles and shelving full of clothing, decorations, shoes, dyes, music, jewelry, and magazines.

What were they doing here? Aki didn't care for the headache-inducing music or the pungent smell created by incense. Was this an alternative lifestyle that he hadn't realized his adorable, seemingly sedate and straight-laced Ueno subscribed to?

Aki looked up as he was approached by a girl of above average height, thanks to some high platform boots. He gathered that she was an employee, as she was wearing a name tag. Her clothing choice was all black and plain; modest for working in such an establishment, but her hair, makeup and shoes were another story. Aki quickly lost count of her piercings.

She smiled. "Are you with him?" the girl pointed toward the far left corner of the shop, and Aki regained sight of Ueno, who was examining something on the lower shelving.

Aki nodded.

"Let's go, then." The girl took his hand and mystified, Aki allowed himself to be led to where Ueno knelt. "Made a choice, cutie?"

"I think so." Ueno answered her hesitantly. "Hey, Aki. Come here."

Aki squatted next to him. "Yes?"

"Which of these two do you like best?" He held out both of his hands, and Aki noticed that in each, he held a pair of earrings. In his left, he held a very simple pair of studs with a black stone in each. What type of stone it was, Aki couldn't identify, but they were nice anyway. In his right, Ueno had a another pair of square cut studs with what looked to be some sort of blue stone resembling sapphire, although they were a bit milkier in color. They were both very simple in design, and Aki gave the question some thought before responding.

"Well," Aki said slowly, "it really does depend on whose going to be wearing them, but I like them both about the same. I like the color of the blue ones more, but the black would match anything, so you could wear them more often."

Ueno stared at Aki a moment before smiling. "You just have to make my decision more difficult, don't you?" He stood up, Aki following suit.

Ueno turned to the girl, holding up the black pair. "I'll take both, but I want to use these."

"Those will be fine." The pink haired girl nodded and regained her hold on Aki's hand. "Both of you come with me."

She proceeded to tug Aki towards a curtained-off area, where she gently urged him into a padded swivel chair. Ueno followed, and after he entered, the girl shut the curtain around them with a short snap of her wrist.

Aki had been slow in grasping the situation, but the realization hit him hard. "Wait. This is for me?"

Ueno reclined against a wall, legs crossed. "Yup. Unless you don't want to anymore."

"Anymore?" Aki ran his fingers over the padded armrest, staring up at Ueno with narrowed eyes.

"Yeah. You told me last week that you wanted to get your ears pierced."

"I did?" Aki shut his eyes, wondering when he had ever leaked that information to Ueno. Oh, yeah. "I did."

Ueno looked nervous. "You did. I wanted to give you something I knew you'd wanted."

"Oh." Despite himself, Aki experienced a twinge of elation. He could have went to any jewelry store and done this himself if the urge had been in the forefront of his mind, but since being denied that option, he hadn't given it any further thought. He was amazed that Ueno had paid attention to that tiny detail in such a stressful conversation. He remembered mentioning wistfully that he'd wanted to pierce his ears, but hadn't been allowed to.

Aki digested the enormity of what most would consider a small gesture, while Ueno grew more and more uncomfortable with the continued silence.

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd like it, but if you don't, I'll get you something else."

If only they didn't have company. Aki's attention was temporarily diverted as he watched the pink-haired girl putter around in the small area, preparing her utensils. "I just didn’t expect you to remember.

"There's nothing else you'd rather have?"

Aki was still having trouble finding the right words, so he didn't try and express himself; he'd do that later. At length, hopefully. For the time being, he simply shook his head. "No. Thank you."

Aki sat quietly through the entire process. It hadn't hurt, and before long, he and Ueno were leaving the shop, a bag containing two jewelry boxes and cleaning solution dangling from his fingers.

If his father was still in the same spot, they would have to walk a couple of blocks before he would be visible. Although Aki didn't care what his father thought, Ueno was another story. He didn't want to make Ueno uncomfortable, so as soon as they exited the shop, Aki slid his arms around Ueno's midsection, silently thanking him.

Ueno hugged him back with one arm, gently tugging at one of Aki's earlobes with the other. "Happy?"

"Very. Thank you so much."

Ueno quickly walked him back to the car, opening the door and allowing Aki to fold himself into the seat. He took a step back, preparing to close it, when Aki, after fastening his seatbelt, looked up at him.

"You’re not coming with us?"

Ueno grinned, shaking his dark head. "Nope.

Aki's high disappeared, and he felt as if he'd been doused with a bucket of cold water. "Why not?"

"Relax, Aki." His father interjected, chuckling aloud. "You'll be reunited with your best friend soon enough." He tapped one of his son's earlobes. "Aww, how cute. They suit you."

Distracted, Aki glared at him. "Cute?"

Ueno chose that moment to shut the door, and as Aki opened his mouth in protest, he took off at a jog.

He frowned and turned back to his father. "Where are you taking me?"

"My goodness, boy! You're not being kidnapped or executed. Your mother and I are simply taking you out for an early dinner. Then I'll bring you back home." His father began to laugh. "Not attached much, I see."

Aki didn't answer. His father wasn't far off the mark. But he could handle a couple of hours with his folks. Besides, he _was_ a little hungry, since Ueno hadn't forced him to eat this afternoon. He felt his spirits lifting a bit as they made the short drive to the house to pick up his mother, and then to a small, expensive restaurant for dinner. He even managed a few genuine smiles and light conversation about school during their time together, which pleased his mother to no end.

Aki’s mother was fascinated with his studies, but then again, his mother was fascinated with any information he was willing to give her. She wanted more details about his new best friend too, which Aki gave cautiously.

The dinner passed quickly, and Aki found himself bundled into the backseat of the vehicle and rushed back to his apartment in record time. In the back of his mind, he wondered why his father hadn't dropped his mother off first, but he wasn't bothered by it. He was in such a pleasant frame of mind that he doubted anything could spoil his good mood. Every now and then he raised a hand to lightly touch one of the studs that rested in his ear, as if to remind himself that he really had them.

His father pulled up in the valet driveway, and all three of them climbed out of the car. His father handed over his keys, and then turned to Aki.

"I need to handle some paperwork in my office before I leave. Your mother is going to hang out with me until I finish." He tousled his son's hair, and for once, Aki stood still and allowed it, along with a kiss on the cheek from his mother. "You'd better go up to your room, son. Ueno's probably antsy."

Aki was understandably suspicious, but immediately distracted at the mention of his best friend. "Ueno's upstairs?" He had no idea where Ueno had run off to so quickly, and it was likely that at some point, they would have seen each other that evening, but he was surprised to learn that Ueno was actually waiting for him to return.

"He should be. Your mother and I also left a few things in your apartment for you. Go on." His father gave Aki a gentle push in the direction of the elevators.

Aki always moved slowly, almost lazily, but this time he rushed to the elevator, pressed the button for his floor, and tapped a foot as he waited for the doors to open. As the elevator made its way upward, he wondered what his father had meant by Ueno being antsy, and what _things_ his parents had left.

Aki adjusted his books against his hip and hurriedly exited the elevator, striding rapidly to his door. Unlocking and shoving it open, he was almost afraid to enter. However, when he focused and spied his boyfriend reclined on the couch, he immediately relaxed.

He took a quick look around the living area. He noticed a few floral bouquets that hadn't been there when he left that morning, along with two beautifully wrapped gifts on his coffee table.

"Your dad left those here." Ueno stood up, stretching his limbs. "You'd better get change."

"Changed for what?" Aki approached the coffee table and shook one of the boxes, then dropped it back into its original spot.

"You're not going to open it?" Ueno cocked his head to the side, amused.

"No. The socks and underwear can wait. Why am I changing?" Aki made to sit on the couch, but Ueno gently grasped his arm, preventing him from moving.

"It's a surprise." Ueno smiled. "Go to your room and change."

"Okay." Aki was growing wary. He did notice that Ueno had changed; he was wearing a pair of low slung, slightly baggy jeans, and a tight, long sleeved black t-shirt, layered under a fitted short sleeved white one. He looked very clean cut. His tousled, spiked hair looked like it still may have been damp from a shower. He'd follow Ueno's cue on how to dress, since he obviously knew what was going on and would dress appropriately. He took one final look at Ueno, who gestured toward his bedroom door.

He had been nervous but of what, he wasn't sure. But nothing appeared to be out of place, save for a new glass vase of flowers sitting on his dresser. Tied to the vase was a bunch of helium filled balloons. Ueno's overnight bag sat in one corner. Nothing else was amiss. Everything was as he had left it that morning.

The medium-sized aquarium on the long table next to the bed hummed quietly, the myriad of colored fish darting prettily from one end of the tank to the other. There was something so therapeutic about watching them interact, and Aki found himself smiling at the sight, before his eyes widened and his books dropped from his nerveless fingers to the floor.

He dropped heavily onto his knees and scooted up to the bedside table. He touched his nose very lightly to the glass, eyes following their activity.

He had fish _._ He had _pretty_ fish. He had an aquarium, with a mixture of blue and white rocks and pebbles, dark blue rock formations, and snazzy blue and red neon light beams bouncing off the glass walls.

Aki wondered what it was about fish that made him lose control of his dignity and begin to gape like a fool. He did it every time he was at an aquarium, or saw fish on television. These pretty, wonderful things had most definitely _not_ been here when he'd left for class that morning.

"Do you like them?"

Aki tore his gaze away from his new babies towards the door; Ueno stood in the doorway, fingers clasped. That same look of apprehension that he'd worn earlier that afternoon was back, and Aki couldn't for the life of him understand why it was there. How could Ueno think that Aki wouldn't like his gifts? Aki wasn't the jump up and down while squealing type, and maybe that was the kind of foolproof affirmation that Ueno was looking for.

Ueno approached him, kneeling next to Aki on the plush carpeting. "I left my classes early to set it up." He pulled open one of the drawers of the table, pointing inside. "Their food and supplies are in here."

Aki nodded.

"I thought a lot about what to get you after your dad told me your birthday was coming, but we still don't know a lot about each other. I just kept thinking about that conversation last week, when you were telling me about what your life was like before you moved here."

Aki shifted to a cross-legged position, watching as Ueno shut the drawer and clasped his hands again, waiting for him to finish speaking.

"I'd decided that instead of trying to ask you a bunch of questions and make things obvious-like I did that night- that it would be better to get you something that you'd already mentioned you wanted but couldn't have. That's why I took you to get your ears done, and got you these. Don't worry. I knew you couldn't have anything with fur in the apartment, so I asked your dad if fish were okay before I got them."

Aki took a deep breath, feeling his cheeks increase in temperature. Ueno was too good to be true sometimes. It seemed trivial to worry about things like their progression of intimacy when he received such thoughtful gifts that indicated that Ueno was definitely all in.

"I know you said you'd wanted a pet, and I figured by pet you meant something you could play with, but this is the best I could do. You don't have to do too much to care for them. I didn't get you too many, since you might want to pick out some to add to it later. You can't cuddle them or anything, of course, but I thought you'd have fun watching them. That frog back there is pretty fun to watch, too."

"Frog?" Aki turned back to the tank, searching frantically. "There's a frog in here?"

Ueno nodded. "Yeah, it's an aquatic frog though, so it can only live underwater. It's in the back. See?"

Aki couldn't hold back the uncensored " _Oooh_." that burst from his lips. He had pretty fish _and_ a frog. Aki felt what he recognized as giddiness begin to take over. This would be one of those _nice_ gifts that he'd been thinking of earlier.

"So while I sat there during break today worrying about you, this is what you were doing?"

"Yeah. I'm not a good liar and I didn't want to ruin the surprise, so I didn't answer you. I figured I'd see you soon enough and you'd understand. And I finally used the key you gave me. Aren't you proud of me?"

Aki nodded. "I'm very proud. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now we really do have to get you ready to go. I'll wait in the living room." Ueno hopped to his feet before reaching down to help Aki stand.

Aki almost scowled. It wasn't as if he was ungrateful, but after all of this, he was ready to stay in, thank Ueno properly, and watch his fish. That cozy image called to him, but he reluctantly grabbed a change of clothes.

Aki had no sooner than re-entered the living room when Ueno approached him, a scrap of cloth hanging from between his fingers. "You ready?"

"Yes. Can you tell me where we're going now?"

"I cannot." Ueno stepped behind him, and raised the cloth. Aki, knowing the blindfold drill quite well, closed his eyes and allowed Ueno to take over.

Ueno directed his steps, one hand on his back. Without any major mishaps, they made it out the door, to the elevator, and down to the first floor. Aki was familiar with this routine, of course, but following their exit from the elevator, he grew confused quickly.

All too quickly, Ueno whispered for him to stop and wait. He obeyed, but grew even more perplexed. He hadn't heard any doors opening or closing, so they hadn't left the building yet.

"Okay." Ueno's voice came from behind. "Before we go any further, I've got something to say. I wanted to make sure you got something that really made you happy, Aki."

"You did." Aki smiled. "I'm very happy."

"Good. I want you to remember that, because in a few minutes, you're going to feel like killing me."

"I can't see that happening." Aki was understandably skeptical of that prediction.

"Believe me, you will." Ueno turned Aki to face him, cupping his fair-skinned cheeks in his hands. He leaned in, kissing Aki gently, but quickly enough that he didn't have time to react. "Soon."

"What are you talking about?"

Ueno urged him to turn back around, and Aki felt him loosening the silk wrapped around his forehead. He blinked, attempting to focus as it was removed, not understanding why Ueno would blindfold him just to walk him downstairs.

He found himself facing a set of double doors. Ueno reached out, grasping and pulling at one of the handles.

As the door opened, Aki heard hushed voices become more audible before all fell abruptly silent. A split second afterward, he understood what Ueno was talking about, as well as what he and his father were planning together. Immediately after that realization, a booming, collective, "Surprise!" echoed throughout the small room.

"I was talking about _this._ " Ueno's voice was quiet and apologetic.

"I see." Aki said, slightly dazed. He turned to Ueno, ignoring the hollering and cheering of his tribe. "Buttering me up so that I'd think twice about killing you. You're a smart boy.


	13. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

They had arrived at yet another Friday. Ueno had a feeling that tonight was going to be quite memorable, but he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing, even though he'd tried to make sure the night would go well. Not only had he agreed with Satou-san to get Aki to his surprise birthday party come hell or high water, but he had helped with some of the planning.

He was the one who had insisted that Satou-san cancel his order for a chocolate birthday cake and order something fruit-based. He was the one who had given Satou-san a list of appetizers to serve. He hadn't attempted to talk his boss out of throwing the party; that would have been a useless effort. The man was willing to compromise, but he wanted to celebrate his son's natal day no matter what. He'd made that clear during their talk.

Ueno remembered their conversation, which had taken place after he had cleared up the _best_ _friends_ _forever_ misconception. It was clear that Satou-san was trying a little too hard, but if the father-son relationship was as fragile as it seemed, Ueno could understand his need to compensate. So Ueno had agreed without protest, and agonized over the upcoming Friday night all week.

His tactic hadn't been complicated. He'd simply walked Aki there – blindfolded- and given a warning before opening the doors. He didn't know how to be sneaky. As it was, no matter how he got Aki there, he would pay for it later.

So as they stood in the doorway, he didn't offer any excuses or reasoning. He'd take whatever blame came his way. After all, he was partially guilty. He hadn't come up with the idea, but he'd assisted with the planning. He'd known Aki probably wouldn't be pleased, but as his friend, he'd been pressured to become involved.

The room wasn't filled to capacity, but there was a sizable crowd of a good forty or so individuals milling about and mingling.

Ueno gave Aki a tiny push, easing them both through the doorway.

"You can kill me later," Ueno promised, "but for now, I think you should try to have fun."

Aki turned and shot Ueno a look that he immediately recognized as deadly. "Did you plan this?"

"Your dad did. But I was in on it," Ueno's reply was honest, "and he asked for my help with some of the planning."

Aki couldn't answer; his parents descended on them and his attention was diverted. Ueno watched as Satou-san draped his arm around Aki's shoulders, and a woman Ueno had to assume was Aki's mother took his own arm.

She was pretty in a natural sense, and had a cute smile that made her appear quite young. He could tell that she was on the short side, but she had paired a pair of black capris with an astonishingly high pair of heels, so she wasn't far below Ueno's eye level. She had the same fair, porcelain skin as her son, although her eyes were such a dark shade of brown they appeared almost black, as opposed to Aki's mink brown, crimson tinged ones. Her abundance of chocolate brown hair was gathered to one side of the nape of her neck with a clip, the end cascading over her shoulder in large waves, no hint of gray in sight.

"So _you're_ Ueno. You’re adorable!" She looped her arm through his, dragging him in one direction while Satou-san tugged Aki in another. "It's hard to get any details from Aki, but my husband talks about you a lot. I think he wishes you were his son too."

Ueno smiled, feeling the unspoken pressure of many to impress the family of their significant other, although Aki's parents had no idea of their true relationship.

She tugged him along, and he willingly followed her lead, answering her questions about his schooling, hobbies and family. He replied honestly and enthusiastically, until she asked how they'd met; at that, he could only mention that they had started hanging out on campus, which he supposed was very true. After all, it wasn't as if she'd asked when they'd first had sex or started dating. It wasn't his fault that she hadn't noticed when he had steered his answer away from the term _met_. Satisfied, she proceeded to lead him to various bunches of party goers.

Ueno was exceedingly friendly and polite with everyone Aki's mother introduced him to, but underneath the surface, he was on the verge of making a run for it. He wasn't uncomfortable meeting new people or socializing; it was in his very nature to be friendly, as was obvious in school and his ability to get along with almost anyone. His thoughts were simply otherwise occupied, and he occasionally swept his gaze across the room, attempting to locate the reason for his distraction.

Satou-san still had Aki in his possession, and the two of them were making rounds of their own. Ueno hadn't made eye contact with him yet, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to. He and Aki had misunderstandings and tense situations in the short time that they had been reunited, but never actually _fought,_ and he had yet to discover what it felt like to be on the receiving end of Aki's anger. He didn't want to know.

Ueno returned his focus to Aki's mother, who still clutched his arm while she spoke to a young man who must have approached them while Ueno was lost in thought. He shook himself back to awareness just in time, as Aki's mother was currently making introductions.

"Kuchida Ueno. Nice to meet you." Ueno smiled easily, feeling the man's curious gaze. He stood a little taller than Ueno and Aki, with a thick, unkempt mop of jet black hair that skimmed his shoulders. His slender form was dressed in a pair of fitting jeans, along with a white button down top. The outfit was completed with a collegiate style V-neck sweater and a pair of pristine white sneakers.

"Same here. I'm Shinozaki Mira."

Aki's mother turned to Ueno with a smile. "Mira has been friends with Aki for years."

Ueno's eyes widened marginally. Of course Aki had friends. The simple fact that he had never met any of them didn't mean they didn't exist. That didn't explain why Ueno was so floored at being introduced to one of them. The fact that he had been invited to this party indicated that he had some solid ties to the family, and it was likely that he knew Aki better than Ueno himself.

Aki's mother continued with her introduction, unaware of Ueno's thought process. "And Mira, Ueno is Aki's new friend. They go to school together. We used him to get Aki to come."

"Did you have to trick him? It's not like him to willingly come to a family gathering, after all." Mira smiled crookedly, the corners of his fawn colored eyes crinkling in his mirth.

"Kind of." Ueno returned the smile, a little more at ease. "I'm sure he's not too happy with me right now."

"He'll get over it." Mira answered in a confident tone, chuckling quietly. "He always does. He has a fiery temper initially, but it burns out fast. I'm sure you already know that, being so _close_ to him and all."

Mira's last sentence stung; it wasn't his choice of wording, but his tone of voice that made Ueno feel as if he were being mocked. While Mira turned his attention to Ueno's host, he did a quick sweep of the room once again, although this time he and Aki locked eyes.

Aki's eyes were narrowed, and Ueno knew at that moment that he wasn't off the hook. The fire still blazed. Just as quickly, Ueno noticed that Aki's gaze shifted slightly to the right, and the anger in his eyes disappeared immediately, replaced by surprise. Ueno watched as Aki alternated between glancing at Ueno, then focusing on his mother and Mira.

Then Aki's mother pulled at Ueno's arm, bidding Mira farewell. "I just saw my sister and niece. Come on. I need to introduce our new kid."

Ueno blinked. "New kid? Me?"

"Who else would I be talking about? Let's go." Aki's mother gave him that smile again.

"Nice to meet you." Ueno said to Mira again in his friendliest voice, although the unease had not yet passed.

"You too." Mira smiled again, although this time there was no crinkling of the eyes; this one was obviously forced. "Welcome to the family, and good luck."

"What did he mean by good luck?" Ueno stared at his host quizzically.

She giggled. "You'll see. We look pretty stuffy, but you'd be surprised once you get to know everyone. Here we are."

They stopped in front of two women; one appeared to be in her late forties or early fifties, and the other was obviously her offspring. Ueno behaved admirably during the introductions, but was feeling a serious need for a moment alone.

The daughter, named Kanoko, was pretty. Long dark hair, with the aid of many hair products, was molded into a fetching arrangement. A tiny skirt displayed slender legs, and her blouse, with many buttons undone, displayed a high-sitting pair of breasts.

She was very, very friendly. As Ueno and Aki's mother continued to move around the room and seat themselves at an empty table, she trailed behind them. Although she sat in the chair directly next to him and he noticed how she discreetly scooted her seat closer to his, Ueno wasn't incredibly worried.

He heaved a sigh of relief. Aki's family all welcomed him, but all of the introductions had been a dizzying process and he was glad for the rest. The names and faces were a blur. In addition, in the back of his mind, he had been all too aware of Aki's feelings toward him that night.

All he'd been trying to do was help out Satou-san. It wasn't as if he could refuse the man. He was not only Aki's father; first and foremost, he was Ueno's boss.

He would figure out a way to smooth things over. He wasn't so negative that he assumed this would be a permanent setback; but he did understand that things could be very awkward and tense initially. Aki couldn't be dramatic enough to dump him over this, although he might yell and throw things if Mira's description of Aki's temper was accurate. If things didn't work out between them, it would be one hell of an adjustment.

As the party progressed and greetings had been made, more of the attendees seated themselves. Satou-san, accompanied by his son, joined their small group, and Ueno's distress intensified at Aki's nearness. After a good half hour of avoiding further eye contact, Ueno's nerves were frayed.

Lost in his thoughts, he jumped as his hand, which had been resting on the table top, was covered by the warmth of another. Startled, he looked over to Kanoko, who was smiling, her expression questioning. Ueno blinked. She must have asked him something. "Excuse me?"

"What you do outside of school?" She repeated herself, running her fingertips over the back of his hand.

Ueno had to force himself not to blanch at the contact. She wasn't his type. He didn't even know what his type was, but if she wasn't Aki, then she wasn't his type, regardless of her qualities, goals, and looks. He looked over at Aki's mother, who was surveying their interaction with a mischievous curving of her lips.

"I'm pretty boring. I do homework, and I have a job, of course."

Kanoko downed a full glass of wine in three swallows. “You sound like a very hard worker. That's a good quality for a man to have."

Ueno gulped. "Thanks." He gently regained ownership of his hand, sliding it from underneath hers and placing it in his lap. He sipped at his beer, not really in the mood to drink. As the almost tasteless liquid slipped past his lips, the need to escape increased.

Kanoko held his gaze. "And apparently you're modest, too. You don't seem boring to me. The right person appreciates those kinds of qualities."

Ueno politely nodded, but was inwardly appalled. _Please, please, don't be implying that you're the right person._ She was making some suggestive implications in front of Aki and his parents, which made him extremely uncomfortable. Aki's mother still sported that infuriatingly gleeful smile, and Satou-san appeared amused as well. Ueno pointedly avoided looking in Aki's direction.

"Excuse me." He pushed back his chair and stood. "I'll be back. I need some air. It’s hot in here."

There were only two exits; the one that he and Aki had used to enter the party, and one towards the back of the room, which he knew led to an outdoor lounge area, overrun with meticulously trimmed shrubbery and flowers. No matter which exit he chose, he would be spotted leaving.

Despite his dilemma, he walked away, not sure of where to flee, only recognizing the need. The door that led outside was closest, so he made a break for it, praying that he wouldn't be followed. He opened it wide enough to slide through, and shut it behind him.

Once outside, he breathed deeply, inhaling the cold, fresh air. It had a calming effect, and Ueno quickly placed some distance between himself and the party, walking along the perimeter of the building. It wasn't well lit this far from the entrance, so he walked cautiously, careful not to trip over anything. The lounging area, or whatever the staff called it, was very large, and continued as he rounded the corner of the building. This particular area had no windows, so he relaxed as he approached a low bench.

Ueno seated himself, and after a moment of thought, kicked his feet up and lay along the length of the bench, his arms dangling from each side.

What was he so stressed out about, anyway? This wasn't a typical Ueno reaction. He willed himself to relax, taking deep, calming breaths. It took a few minutes, but he slowly felt himself begin to unwind.

The week had been difficult, mainly in the fact that for Ueno, there didn't seem to be enough hours in the day. Even before the week had started, Ueno had been a little uneasy about the planning of the party, not to mention the fact that he was either at work or in class and wasn't getting a great deal of rest. When he wasn't doing either, he was running back and forth between his apartment and Aki's or running errands.

And now, he'd unwittingly attracted the attention of one of Aki's family members, aroused the suspicion of one of Aki's close friends, and angered Aki himself. What was next? He couldn't wait for the night to end. Maybe he should just go home after the party and go to sleep- alone. Aki most likely needed the time to cool down, anyway.

That sounded like a sensible, yet undesirable idea. He closed his eyes, continuing with his deep breathing until he heard a crackle that he immediately attributed to footfalls on some of the leaves that lay scattered along the walkway.

Ueno sighed, sitting up and making ready to leave. There was no reason for anyone else to walk this far; the area right outside the door had been prepared for outside mingling, with an ashtray for smokers and chairs for those who simply wished to inhale some fresh air. Ueno knew this; it had been one of his preparation tasks. Then again, he'd felt the need to walk, so maybe someone else had, too. Either way, he needed the privacy, so he'd seek another area to achieve solace.

"Ueno."

His heartbeat increased. That voice, although almost low enough to be a whisper, could never be mistaken. "Aki?"

"What are you doing way out here?" Aki voiced the question casually, as if they were simply engaged in small talk. "Are you hiding?"

"Kind of. I didn't think anyone would come this far down." He stood as Aki approached the bench. "If you still want to kill me, this is a good location. These bushes are pretty thick. You could stash my body here."

Aki sighed. "I was worried about you."

"I thought you were mad at me." Ueno smiled weakly, although he was positive Aki couldn't see it in the darkness.

Aki cleared the remaining distance between them, and stood directly in front of the other. "I was."

"I'm sorry. I was pretty sure you wouldn't be happy about it, but when your dad asked me for my help, what was I supposed to say? He's my boss; it's not like I could turn him down." Ueno frowned, pausing before continuing. "I didn't want to ruin your birthday, but I couldn't prevent it. Your dad _really_ wanted to do this for you."

"I know. It just took me some time to come to that conclusion." Aki reached out, taking Ueno's hands in his, and his voice took on a teasing quality. "I didn't come out here to kill you. You looked so uncomfortable inside. I was worried something was wrong. Plus, I wanted to get to you before my cousin did."

"What about your cousin?" Ueno squeezed the hands that grasped his.

Aki didn't directly answer the question, but asked another. "Do you think she's pretty?"

Ueno raised an eyebrow. This could easily be a trick question, so he went for neutral territory. "I guess. I really didn't pay much attention."

"Hmm." Aki breathed. "She has nice hair."

"I guess."

"Do you think she'd be just as pretty bald?"

Ueno laughed, although he was more afraid than amused. "I have no idea how to answer that. Would she be bald by choice, genetics, or because you ripped it out?"

"I don't see how it matters. The end results all lead to a bald head."

"Why would you ask me that anyway?" Ueno spoke cautiously.

"She _will_ eat you alive. And you'd be too polite to stop her." He didn't elaborate, but he'd had a front row seat to his cousin's little display and seen Ueno's reaction- or lack of- to her advances. After Ueno had left the table, Kanoko had quickly disappeared, and Aki would be damned before he let his cousin step into his territory. Considering Ueno was outside and in the dark, anything could have been possible once she'd found him.

Ueno laughed quietly. "She did come on kind of strong, but if she tries to manhandle me, I can fight her off. There's no need for you to forcibly remove her hair. I don't know what she'd want with a guy like me anyway. I'm not very exciting."

Aki smiled. "The same things I want with a guy like you, with a few exceptions." He took another step forward. "And you clearly don't see it, but I find you very exciting."

"Thank you, then." Ueno was grateful for the darkness; he was positive he face was blooming crimson. He leaned forward slightly, and it was enough. Their foreheads touched, and Ueno released Aki's fingers, choosing instead to rest his arms around his other's shoulders. "So you're not mad anymore?"

"No, and I didn't have a right to be mad at you before. I have issues with my dad, but it's not like he did this to try and ruin my life. He wanted to do something nice for me. And so did you, but I didn't appreciate it, so I'm sorry for that. You've made me very happy today, Ueno."

Ueno was beyond relieved. "I'm glad. That's what I was going for." He closed his eyes, fighting the urge to sully their make-up session, but gave up quickly. All he had to do was angle his head and press forward, which was, in the end, exactly what he did.

He felt Aki's surprise in the temporary rigidity of his slender form; after all, in the few weeks they had been reunited, he could count the times they'd kissed on one hand, but the darkness emboldened him. It didn't take Aki long to adjust, and a split second after Ueno began to wonder whether or not he'd made a mistake, he received his answer.

As their lips parted, Aki released a sigh, circling his arms around Ueno's waist before leaning in for another kiss.

The soft moistness of Aki's lips as they glided slowly over his own was maddening and relieving at once, and without interrupting their long awaited joining, Ueno stepped backward, until the cool brick of the building was pressed against his back and he could lean against the structure for support. His movement was slow, and Aki followed, not permitting a break in contact.

Ueno wondered why he had issues obtaining the courage to do something as simple as kiss. They _were_ dating, after all. His fingers did what they normally did when in close proximity to Aki's hair; they buried themselves of their own accord in the thick silkiness and began their ritual. Normally this occurred when they were both in bed, drifting off into sleep, and Ueno was usually rewarded with some sound of appreciation. This time, Aki purred against Ueno's mouth, his lips parting slightly.

Ueno found that he no longer had control of his lips or his tongue; Aki's open mouth was too tempting an invitation, and the muscle moved on its own, slipping past Aki's lips, pressing against the other, as if asking for permission.

Aki immediately granted his request as if he'd been waiting for it, and as their tongues began to slide against one another, his purring graduated to quiet moaning.

Their hold on one another switched; Aki's hands shifted upward to tangle themselves in Ueno's hair, and Ueno's drifted downward to grasp at Aki's waist.

It was Ueno who broke off the kiss, slightly dazed, but still capable of coherence. He spoke between pants, as the absence of his lips prompted Aki to direct his attention elsewhere and he applied his lips to the warm skin of Ueno's neck.

"We need to go back inside." He heard his own voice, and was amazed at his shallow breath, at how weak and unconvinced he sounded. It was difficult to voice his thoughts when his attention was focused on the sensations made by feather light touches brushing against his throat.

"No we don't." Aki spoke, his words muffled against skin. "You started it. I'm done partying. We need to go _upstairs_."

"Later," Ueno promised breathily, "later, I swear." His argument wasn't having the desired effect, most likely because while he was attempting to be logical, his hand had coasted underneath the hem of Aki's thin cotton t-shirt, his fingers playing along the soft skin at the small of Aki's back. And most likely because the idea of going upstairs sent a signal straight to his nether regions, there wasn't much conviction in his words. "People are going to wonder where you are. You _are_ the guest of honor."

"I don't want to wait until later," Aki gently raked his teeth along Ueno's skin, his breathing becoming slightly labored, "and I don't think I can."

Leaving would be disrespectful. Ueno knew they couldn't just ditch everyone, but the idea was _so_ tempting.

"Come on." Aki whispered. "We don't have to go back the way we came. We can walk around to the front entrance instead. No one will see us." He lifted his lead, and the expression in his eyes caused Ueno's jeans to tighten. Aki meant business, assaulting Ueno's bottom lip first with a teasing sweep of his tongue, then trapping it between his teeth and tugging.

Ueno let out a groan of his own, his body reacting violently to the stirring sensations that Aki was creating. If they went any further, he wouldn't be in any condition to go inside either. His timing was awful. He thought of all of the opportunities he'd wasted. They were alone a lot of the time, and he had spent the majority of that time confused and unsure. Now, they were at a function that they couldn't leave, and he chose that opportunity to get touchy. He pulled away and opened his mouth to reply, but stopped as a scent reached his nostrils.

He sniffed experimentally. "Do you smell that?"

"Smell what?"

Suddenly, the smell was familiar. It was cigarette smoke. No big deal.

Wait. That _was_ a big deal, considering he hadn't smelled it a scant moment earlier.

Ueno didn't have time to formulate a reply. A voice that belonged neither to Aki or Ueno penetrated the warm bubble that had surrounded both of them.

"I was just having a smoke and walking the grounds. Sorry to interrupt."

Aki tensed in Ueno's arms, and Ueno's grip instinctively tightened. "Mira."

"Yeah, it's me." His form was hard to make out in the darkness, but the Ueno remembered the voice, and was able to see the glowing red tip of a burning cigarette. "Thanks for acknowledging me. You didn't give me the time of day inside."

"I'm sorry." Aki sounded contrite. "I didn't have the chance."

"Bull." Mira's voice was soft, although his actual words were harsh. "I come all the way out here to see you, and you can't even say hello? It appears you haven't changed."

Aki bowed his head, offering no argument.

Mira paused, waiting for a response. Receiving none, he continued. "So, this your new _best_ friend- Ueno- if I remember correctly? Have you told him about your _old_ best friend?"

"Mira, can we talk later? Ueno doesn't need to hear this." Aki still sounded apologetic, and Ueno had to wonder why he wasn't more offended by Mira's behavior.

"Is he in charge of you now?"

Aki paused, collecting his thoughts. "Of course not. Ueno and I are-"

Mira interjected, his voice rising. "I see. Not only did you _never_ contact me and ignore me tonight, but you immediately started seeing someone else the minute you got loose, huh?"

"Mira." Aki's voice was beginning to take on a more desperate tone, and alarmed, Ueno suppressed the instinctual urge to remove Aki from the situation. Instead, in an attempt to do what he thought was right, he interrupted both of them.

"Aki? I can go inside, if you want." Ueno didn't want to, and he was anxious to hear what Mira was getting at, but he'd respect Aki's wishes if necessary.

"No." It wasn't Aki who spoke, but Mira. "You seem like a decent guy. I don't have anything against you. So Aki, does Ueno know about us?"

Ueno didn't have an opportunity to be worried at the fact that their relationship was being revealed for the first time. And according to Mira's previous words, Ueno knew that Aki's orientation wasn't a surprise to him. Ueno relinquished his hold on Aki's waist, his hands falling to his sides, but the lighter haired man quickly grabbed them, joining their fingers together tightly, as if he needed the contact.

"Stop." Aki squeezed Ueno's fingers reflexively. "He's not forcing me into anything. And I don't have to answer to you. It's been over a year since you and I even talked. I'm sorry that it didn't work out-"

"It didn't work out because you wouldn't _let_ it work out." Mira's voice elevated and he tossed his cigarette onto the cement walkway before extinguishing it beneath his sneaker. "And you _let_ that old, disgusting, poor excuse for a man take advantage of you and move you away from your whole family. Does he know how you walked away from me? Does he know about your sis-"

It appeared he'd finally driven Aki to anger; he released Ueno's hands, and turned to the dark figure, cutting him off before he could continue. "That's enough." His was quiet, but there was no longer any apologetic undertone. "Is that what you came here to do? To try and make me feel even more guilty? Believe me, there's no possible way I could feel any worse."

"No." Mira produced a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket, selecting one and lighting it before returning the pack to its previous location. "That was just a bonus. I actually _was_ trying to find you. Your dad is looking for you, wants to talk to you."

"I don't believe that." Aki crossed his arms.

"Try me." Mira exhaled, the smoke rising above his head before dissipating. "He says that if you don't come back inside, he'll move the party out here, and I don't think he's kidding. I'd get your sweet little ass back inside, if I were you."

"Fine." Aki suddenly sounded exhausted. He didn't react to Mira's description of his posterior; he merely reached for Ueno's hand, intending for them to go back inside together.

Mira made a _tsk tsk_ sound before taking another drag. "You can go alone. I’d like to get to know Ueno better."

"I'm not leaving him out here with _you_." Aki's voice was tinged with disgust. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Come on, I'm not going to do anything to him. Like I said, I don't have anything against him."

Ueno didn't believe Mira for a second but his curiosity as to what the man had to say was getting the best of him, and he pulled his hand from Aki's grip. "It's okay. I'll be right behind you."

Yet another voice pierced the darkness. "What are you guys doing out here? It's freezing! And Aki, your dad is looking for you."

So he hadn't been lying. Ueno could barely make out Kanoko's slight form, shivering slightly as a breeze kicked up, causing her skirt to flutter restlessly. Playing the role of mediator, he made a suggestion.

"Why don't we all go back?"

After two mumbled assents, the foursome wordlessly began making their trek down the pathway; Ueno, Aki, and Kanoko in the lead, with Mira trailing behind them. The pathway wasn't wide enough for three individuals to walk side-by-side comfortably, but Kanoko remedied having to walk in the dirt by latching onto Ueno's arm and pressing close, shivering against him for good measure.

Ueno grimaced, but Aki spoke before Ueno could even begin trying to find a way out of the unwanted position.

"Kanoko, _dear_ cousin, why don't you walk with Mira?"

The three of them stopped in their tracks. Aki's expression wasn't visible in the darkness, but it didn't need to be; his tone of voice was telling enough. It was probably from their recently ended conversation, but Aki's voice was tense, the irritation he felt evident.

"No way. I want to walk with Ueno. And you know Mira annoys me."

"Shut up, whore. You just hate me because I won't give you any."

Mira was far enough behind them that Ueno had figured Kanoko's response wouldn't be heard, but apparently her voice had carried, and he rolled his eyes at Mira's retort before resuming his earlier pace.

Thankfully, they reached the entrance before an argument could break out. He pulled open the door, standing back to allow first Kanoko, and then Aki to enter before him. He waited patiently for Mira to follow suit, but he stood back as well, motioning for Ueno to shut the door.

Ueno obeyed, glad Aki had already disappeared into the throng and would be otherwise distracted. "Okay. What is it?"

"I didn't mean to be rude earlier," Mira began, using his middle finger to flick at his cigarette, sending ashes flying, "I was just surprised to find out that Aki was dating someone. His dad talks to my parents a lot, so I'd heard that he had a new friend he was close to, but I didn't know you two were close in that particular way. I got a feeling when I met you that something was up."

Ueno looked towards the door nervously, hoping Aki wouldn't come out looking for him again. "I understand that."

"I noticed earlier that Aki was about to say that the two of you are together. Do you know that you're his first?"

"His first boyfriend?" Ueno shut his eyes briefly, trying to wrap his brain around that revelation. That was a definite shock to his senses. "Really?"

"Officially. According to him, at least." Mira disposed of his cigarette, this time in the provided ashtray. "Aki has never _dated_ anyone and he's never referred to anyone as his boyfriend before. He certainly never referred to me that way, even though I was his first, and I was willing, as I'm sure you can imagine. Aki's easy to fall for."

Ueno didn't reply. So he himself was Aki's first boyfriend, but this guy was his first lover? Ueno didn’t see the difference. He didn't know if he should feel jealousy, but he felt a pang that he identified nonetheless.

"But like I said, Aki wasn't ready for that. I still don't think he is. In the end, he wasn't serious. I won't mention much about it, but a little over a year ago, Aki moved out of the house, due to some screwed up circumstances. I was pretty invested, but he was able to walk away. He never called, never even sent me a _hello_ through his parents, nothing. Now that I think about it, he didn't really speak to his mom and dad either."

Ueno watched warily as Mira ran a hand through his hair, clearly growing agitated. "Damn it, I could use a beer."

"What exactly are you trying to tell me?"

"You haven't figured it out yet? Aki can't be serious about you either. He's gorgeous, comes from an outwardly nice, inwardly extremely screwy family, and he's got problems you could never imagine. But eventually, if those problems resurface, and then Aki will run. That's why he doesn't want me talking to you, because I might expose him. I happen to have the privilege of bearing some of that burden with him, and because of that, I'll always understand him better than you. You need to know what kind of guy you're dealing with."

Ueno placed his hands on his hips, curiosity taking over. "What kind of guy _am_ I dealing with?"

"You may think the two of you are together or something, but Aki isn't suited for that type of life, at least not right now. You do realize that he has no idea _how_ to be a boyfriend or care for someone else, don't you?"

"Mmm." Ueno could poke a few holes in that logic. Aki had been exceedingly gracious and caring towards him from the beginning. He could have listed a few examples, but he chose to simply listen further.

"And if you think that you can save him or teach him how to care, you're wasting your time. When push comes to shove, he'll run, just like he did with me."

"What do you mean?"

"By running? I wish I could tell you exactly why he ran, but all I can say is that he wouldn't stand up to that old guy. Maybe he fell in love with him; hell if I know what goes through that pretty head anymore. No apologies, nothing. And he never thought twice about me or his family. You don't look like the type who can stand up to that kind of drama. And you're definitely too straight-laced to be his type; he must be going through some sort of phase. His cousin seems to like you, and she definitely seems more your speed."

Ueno dropped his hands to his sides, a tad insulted. He'd suspected it would be an unsavory discussion, but he'd assumed that Mira was going to question him, not insult Aki. Besides, Aki had already told him that he was screwed up, so Ueno knew there were some secrets that he wasn't aware of. But he was going to let Aki reveal them when he was ready. He didn't want to hear them from Aki's bitter ex- _whatever_. "Why do I get the feeling that if I did break things off, you'd be right there trying to take my place?"

Mira's eyes narrowed, and Ueno was positive he'd hit a little too close to home with his question.

"I don't think you're in this to help me out. The way I see it, you either want to get back at him for hurting you, or you want him back." It wasn't in Ueno's nature to be disrespectful to anyone, regardless of how they treated him. But in this case, he felt it necessary. "It sounds like we're each talking about a different Aki, because I don't see the one you're describing. I don't even think you're doing this because you believe that he's really a bad person; I think maybe you're doing this to make yourself feel better. If you've got something to work out with Aki, do it and then leave him alone."

With that, he turned on his heel, heading towards the building's entrance. He left Mira standing in the darkness.

Inside, a whole different party had taken place. Ueno noticed that each table held its share of empty beer bottles and drained glasses. The gentle humming of idle chatter had given way to shouting, hooting and laughter. Apparently these folks were only stuffy while sober.

Making his way back to the table and flopping down into an empty seat facing the majority of the group, he wondered how much longer he'd be expected to attend this gathering before he could run away without being considered rude. He'd wanted to help clean up, but if it ran much longer, he just might run for it instead. He was now officially exhausted. He purposely had chosen a chair farther away from the most of the other people at the table, but as soon as his rear end hit the seat, he heard screeching that indicated the movement of chairs, and the group dispersed.

The seating arrangement was slightly different. Aki's mother and father sat on either side of him.

Satou-san grinned at him. "Having a good time, kid? You look like you could use a drink or two." He ordered them each two bottles of beer before continuing. "Looks like things are progressing nicely."

"Progressing nicely, _how_? Ueno asked, suspicious.

"Between you and Kanoko. She's a very nice, wholesome girl. And she's very pretty, too. She's come a long way in the past couple of years."

"I'll say," Aki muttered from his side of the table, "If she starts eyeing your plate, just give it to her. Your life is too valuable."

Satou-san burst into laughter, and Ueno cocked his head in confusion. "She likes to eat, hmm?"

"That's an understatement." Mira chimed in, claiming a seat next to Aki. "But thanks to a crash diet that almost killed her and some serious hours at the gym, she is now the waif-like wonder you see today. But Aki's right. She has her moments of weakness."

Mira turned to Satou-san, raising an eyebrow. "And did I overhear you call her wholesome? How many beers have you had?"

Satou-san snickered. "Just kidding. She's a certified, card carrying harlot, a real woman of the night. We all know that, but we love her anyway. Thinking about taking her out sometime, Ueno?"

Four heads turned to Ueno, who found himself the center of attention. "Excuse me?"

"Just because she's a whore doesn't mean she isn’t a nice girl," Aki's mother said sweetly in her niece's defense, "and she seems to like you a great deal. Maybe you can get her to… settle down." She wagged her eyebrows at Ueno.

_Oh, God. This family is insane._ "Uh.. I'm off the market." Ueno said lamely, reaching for his beer and pounding it before grabbing his second.

That was how the night progressed. Ueno lost track of time and the amount of the bottles that piled up at their table, the majority of which belonged to himself and Mira. Apparently not one to be outdone, Mira quickly joined him in drinking, and the pissing contest began. Although the atmosphere looked friendly to the passerby, it was anything but. They exchanged several impassioned looks across the table, while Aki sat stiffly in his chair, sporting a desperate look that reminded Ueno of a wild animal with its foot caught in a steel trap.

Drunkenness always crept up on Ueno; he never saw it coming. He'd always realize too late that he'd had too much to drink, which is why he didn't indulge very often. But hell, tonight he didn't care. He almost needed to be to get through it. Over the course of the evening, more individuals joined their table, so that all of the chairs were full. Kanoko had re-joined them after sitting with her family, and she forcefully wedged herself in between Ueno and Aki's mother. There was no available chair for her to sit in, so she simply rested her hip against the table.

Normally, Ueno would have offered her his seat and moved elsewhere, but as he sat and rested his head on the table, the thought didn't even cross his mind. Ueno didn't mind her presence much at this point, as his altered thought process didn't recognize her as a danger any longer.

He would have never behaved this way sober, but he needn't have worried. This was apparently Satou-party behavior, verified when even as he sat there, massaging his temples, Satou-san slammed another beer on the tabletop, instructing him to drink up.

He forgot all about his beer, however, as Mira stood and gestured in Ueno's direction. Ueno raised an eyebrow in question, and Mira motioned him over.

He obediently stood, intoxication preventing him from questioning Mira's intent, and made his way to the other side of the table, standing behind Aki's chair. Mira leaned towards him, and whispered quietly in his ear.

"I hate to admit it, but you were right, so I'll be taking your advice."

With that, he straightened, and began to speak.

"I just wanted to thank my extended family for throwing such a great party. I've known Aki since we were kids, and I'm very happy to see him turn into such a fine adult. Happy Birthday."

_Is that it? What a_ lame _speech._ Ueno thought this dimly, wondering if he would be expected to speak as well.

What happened next nearly caused Ueno to topple over in his inebriated state.

Mira leaned down, grabbing Aki's long, slender fingers and jerking the startled man to his feet. Before Aki had time to fully stand, Mira hauled him against his chest and proceeded to mash his lips against Aki's in the most disgusting display of affection Ueno could recall.

As attendees burst into laughter, hooting and hollering, Ueno stared in horror, wondering why he was the only one who saw something wrong. Disgusting, moisture-rich sounds reached his ears as he watched Mira's tongue worm its way into Aki's mouth.

Why wasn't Aki fighting back? He wasn't participating; his body was rod stiff, his hands folded into tight fists, and Ueno could hear strangled protests attempting to make their way from his throat, but he wasn't physically attempting to escape. Seriously?

Ueno reached his boiling point quickly. He'd been such a good boy earlier, but now he was ready to be an asshole and put some of those empty beer bottles to good use. Luckily, before he could make an idiot of himself by physically attempting to break them apart, Mira ended the kiss, roughly shoving Aki back into his seat.

But what happened next was even worse. Mira cleared the distance between himself and Ueno, stumbling and using the back of Aki's chair for support.

Ueno shouldn't fight, not in front of all of these people, and not with an individual that had been accepted into this circle as family. Even in his drunken state, he knew that much, but he stood his ground, though common sense should have advised him to back off now that Aki had been released.

Mira addressed the crowd again. "Has everyone had a chance to meet Ueno?"

There were murmurs of agreement from most of Mira's audience. _Shit_. Ueno wasn't into being the center of attention, but now all eyes were on him. And just why wasn’t anyone disturbed by what Mira had just done?

He stared hard at Mira. Mira stared back before continuing. "Welcome." An instant later, two warm, sweaty hands grabbed him by the neck.

Being strangled would have been more fun than him receiving the same treatment as Aki. The crushing of Mira's mouth against his own was almost painful, and the slithering sensation of the other man's tongue entering his mouth caused him to gag. He felt moisture on his chin, obviously saliva, and he wasn't sure who it belonged to.

He could hear more applause as he stood there in shock. After the shock was chased away by panic and revulsion, he began to fight, wrapping his hands around Mira's and pulling outward.

The other man was pretty strong, their strength almost evenly matched, and a tussle became necessary. Ueno reared backward, fingers scrabbling to dislodge the other man's hands. As Mira lost his balance, they both tumbled towards the ground, with Ueno's back making a small detour into Aki's chair on the way down.

Aki, who normally moved at a very leisurely pace, scrambled out of his seat before Ueno crashed into it. Ueno wasn't so lucky. His head hit the floor, he saw stars, and for a few seconds, everything was black.

Mira was a lot heavier than he appeared and sprawled on top of Ueno, didn't allow for any movement. And still, Mira didn't let up on the onslaught and the threat of vomiting became very real. He plunged his fingers into the other man's hair, pulling at it with the little strength his stunned body could muster. Thankfully, some of the audience finally decided to intervene, and Ueno gasped for oxygen as the heavy weight was lifted from him.

Mira collapsed on the floor next to him. As Ueno regained control of his breathing, his first thought was of what Aki had told him outside, when he'd all put pleaded with Ueno to go upstairs with him.

_I should have listened. We could have been upstairs making out right now, but no; I always have to do the right thing._

"You're not much of a kisser, Ueno." Mira's voice reached his ears, slurred and disapproving.

Ueno whimpered and closed his eyes, wishing fervently for the floor to open up and swallow him. "You're pretty shitty yourself."


	14. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Aki had compiled a lengthy list of people he'd never wanted to see again after being freed from his somewhat voluntary imprisonment. He hadn't put pen to paper, but it was clearly detailed in the recesses of his mind. Some were people he'd met recently, and some had been in his life for years.

Past patrons were on the list. They were mostly nameless, but definitely had faces that Aki remembered well. Young and old alike, handsome and hideous; he desired that none of their faces ever be seen again. His master, of course, was number one, but Mira had a strong position in second place.

He'd been angry at Ueno and his parents for planning a shindig behind his back, but he couldn't stay mad for long. Their actions were indicative of love on his parents' part, and at the very least caring on Ueno's. It would have been selfish to hold a grudge over an effort that had been made out of loving intentions. Aki wasn't that unreasonable.

He'd been so happy just a few short hours earlier. Ueno had been thoughtful and sweet, and the fact that he had put so much consideration and preparation into his gifts left Aki feeling elated. If only Ueno had just agreed to ditch the party with him. They could have done anything else and Aki would have been content. The two of them could have went to see another movie, watched television in his living room, went for a drink alone, done homework, taken a long walk, went to sleep early _, anything_.

But _no_. That hadn't happened, and the end result was a run-in with number two on his list. Mira wasn't on that list for one reason alone, either. Even though Mira was on the list, he didn't hate him. Aki didn't even dislike him. He was just a reminder of an extremely confusing, tumultuous time in his life that Aki longed to forget. Mira hadn't been a horrible lover or bad friend; quite the contrary, Aki knew without a doubt that Mira had experienced some very deep feelings for him. If things had progressed normally, they may have even ended up dating formally, the culmination of their continued intimacy and experiences together, not to mention they were always around each other due to their parent's closeness. Mira was almost family anyway. It would have been an ideal pairing, if they could have been honest with their families.

Mira clearly expected Aki's old feelings to resurface after reuniting again. Aki didn't blame him; he'd have expected the same, due to the circumstances that tore them from one another. Neither of them had the opportunity for any sort of closure. Whatever was developing between them had been snuffed out against their will. A year later, when Aki had left his master, set up refuge in his apartment and the urge to talk to Mira had taken over, Aki had stubbornly squashed it. During his first few days of real freedom, Aki experienced loneliness that ached in its intensity, loneliness that he couldn't explain. Not knowing where he stood with Ueno, and being estranged from family with no purpose any longer, Aki had felt disoriented to say the least. Sensing that Mira would at least try to understand and give him comfort, he had felt compelled to pick up his phone, but in the end refused to re-establish their connection. Talking or seeing Mira would have been comforting, but Aki didn't welcome the baggage that would come along with depending on him again. He didn't know how he was going to explain that to Mira, but he felt the need to, since he'd been hurt by Aki's inattention.

It had been a meeting he'd never wished to occur. Mira was the only one who knew everything about his past, and Ueno was the only person that knew of his present. Understandably, Aki didn't want them mixing because he didn't need the confusion.

Aki had no room for uncertainties now that he had Ueno. Ueno wasn't better or worse than Mira; they were too different to be compared. It wasn't a self-imposed rule of monogamy; it was just the way things were. Ueno had done so much to make Aki happy, and had such a calming effect on him, physically and mentally. In short, he made Aki's existence much more bearable, even pleasant.

He didn't question the level of attachment; he was afraid to. As it was, he experienced gnawing, empty sensations whenever they spent more than a few hours apart. Aki was fearful that Ueno would see him as too clingy, but in typical Ueno fashion, he didn't appear to be bothered in the slightest. Nothing ever appeared to bother him much, though he was still realistic. That trusting cheeriness and optimism refreshed him.

Today, he'd seen a side of Ueno that was very new. Ueno had revealed a jealous, drunk side. He wasn't an obnoxious drunk like other people he knew. If anything, he was more reserved and quiet the more he drank. He brooded more while intoxicated, as if contemplating life's mysteries and problems more intensely.

Aki thought he was actually kind of cute in that state. It became obvious that Ueno wasn't going to act up and embarrass himself or anyone else, so Aki hadn't attempted to intervene, but the heated glances that Ueno and Mira had shared were disturbing.

Mira, on the other hand, was one of those obnoxious drunks that Aki had grown to dislike. He was pleasant while in a nice frame of mind, but being angry before the multitude of beers entered his system, he was extremely irritating afterward. Aki knew him well enough to understand.

Aki was positive that was the reason behind the kiss. He wasn't embarrassed or angry about it; he understood why Mira had done it. The kiss had been sloppy and aggressive, and Aki knew it wasn't as much out of affection as it was to get a rise out of Ueno. It was also obvious Mira was tipsy and not in complete control; if Aki's memory served him correctly, Mira was a _much_ better kisser than that.

That didn't explain him kissing Ueno, though. Aki almost felt sorry for him. He ignored the knowledge that his jeans were getting dirty and he must have looked ridiculous as he dropped to his knees and scuttled to Ueno's side. It wasn't necessary, as Ueno already had an attendee- his cousin, but Aki wasn't going to allow her to fawn all over him. In Ueno's condition, he just might unwittingly encourage her.

Who was he kidding? In any situation, Ueno would unwittingly encourage her. He wasn't stupid; he just didn't know how to be firm and tell anyone to get lost.

Irritation bloomed. Kanoko was kneeling at his boyfriend's head, cooing to him in a sweet tone that made Aki clench his fists and choose brawn over brain. Without even considering the consequences, Aki reached out and roughly shoved his cousin to the side. She lost her balance, sprawled awkwardly.

"Aki!" His cousin's voice was shrill and indignant. "What is your problem?"

Aki ignored her, sliding closer and balancing Ueno's head on his knees. "Hi, you."

Ueno opened his eyes, a contented smile gracing his lips as he blinked to sharpen his vision. "Hi."

"How do you feel?" Aki's fingers gently sifted through his hair, searching. "Do you hurt anywhere?"

"Not yet." Ueno's voice was thick. "What are you doin' to my head?"

Aki had to smile. "I was making sure you don't have any bruises or bumps. And unfortunately, I found one."

"That's gonna hurt later."

"Most likely." Aki looked up briefly, noticing the fading voices around them as bystanders either lost interest or after discovering that Ueno was relatively unharmed, returned to their seats or continued to mingle. This was nothing out of the ordinary for them anyway. Glancing to the side, he also realized that Mira had managed to stand, leaning on Aki's father for support as he was led away. His cousin had gotten to her feet and stalked back to her parents. The only one that remained in close proximity was Aki's mother, but she was picking up beer bottles and tossing them into the trash, bouncing here and there in those awe inspiring heels with an ease that Aki still couldn't understand, and wasn't paying attention to either of them.

Ueno closed his eyes again, sighing heavily. Aki did feel badly, but also wasn't able to resist some ribbing. "I think the party is over for you."

"Mmm..." Ueno's words were slurring, although Aki was unable to tell if it was because he was feeling the effects of the alcohol more strongly or because he was actually about to drift off into sleep.

"I'll take care of you," Aki's kept his words soft, melodic, and soothing, "if you do me a favor."

"Yeah?" Ueno managed to raise his eyelids, and it was obvious he was fighting sleep.

"Repeat after me."

"You're gonna make me say something stupid."

Aki spoke quietly, after a quick look around them to ensure they could not be heard. "I, Ueno, could have been upstairs having fun. Aki could have been _mine._ "

"Are you kidding me?" Ueno's eyes cleared briefly, and he stared up at the lighter haired man, who only smiled serenely down at him.

"I'm very serious."

Ueno rolled his eyes. "I, Ueno, could have been upstairs having fun. Aki could have been mine."

"But I didn't listen to Aki because I had to be a good boy."

"But I didn't listen to Aki because I had to be a good boy." Ueno was already nervous, wondering what he would be parroting next. He felt woozy and incredibly sleepy, but he was able to notice that Aki's smile wasn't the sweet one he had just seen and was accustomed to; there was now a slightly mischievous curving of lips.

Aki ran soft, cool fingers over Ueno's forehead, his soothing ministrations and soft voice in direct contrast with his words. "And now not only am I drunk and injured, but I ruined my sexy time with Aki."

This was outrageous. "Forget that! I'll take care of myself. Now that you've got the upper hand you're just bein' mean." Ueno struggled to sit, but dropped his head back into Aki's lap as a current of dizziness made an appearance.

"But I'll help you upstairs, let you shower, tuck you into bed, and let you sleep all night. Doesn't that sound nice?"

That sounded _very_ nice, but Ueno, normally good natured, put up a fight. "Why am _I_ in trouble? Your boyfriend _violated_ me, and I have to embarrass myself by saying stupid stuff?"

"It's not stupid." Aki smacked Ueno's forehead lightly. "You did ruin our sexy time. If you had gone upstairs with me, you wouldn't have had a chance to be… violated. And do _not_ call him my boyfriend. You’re sure you don't want me to take you to bed?"

"I do. But you're punishing me for no reason." Ueno's lower lip protruded and Aki stared in fascination. An out of character Ueno was fun to observe. He'd _never_ been witness to Ueno pouting before, and it was oddly charming.

Aki whispered to him silkily. "Come on, and let me take you upstairs. Don't worry; no one can hear you."

Ueno closed his eyes again and the rumbling that came from his throat sounded suspiciously like a growl. "I'm drunk and injured, and I ruined sexy time with my Aki-chan."

It may have been a little emotional of Aki, but hearing himself called that for the first time since their meeting shook him. His smile turned gentle, and although Ueno hadn't repeated him word for word, he chose to let it slide. "Good boy. Let's get you to bed, okay?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to try and help you sit up first. Do it slowly. I don't want you to get dizzy." Aki patted both of Ueno's shoulders before sliding his hands underneath, lending some support and muscle as Ueno eased himself into a seated position. "How is that?"

"Okay," Ueno confirmed, "but I am dizzy."

"Do you want to lie back down?"

"Nope." Ueno smiled through his wooziness. "I want you to tuck me in like you promised. I'm going to stand up now."

Aki shook his head. His man was a soldier. With a minimum of assistance from Aki, Ueno rose to his feet, blushing furiously as partygoers burst into applause, as if he'd just woken from life threatening surgery or scored a home run.

"They must all think I'm a loser now."

Aki chuckled. "Doubtful. They all seem to like you. Besides, this is what happens at parties with my family. It's normal. If anything, that was your initiation."

Ueno blinked in disbelief as Aki began to walk Ueno towards the entrance to the hallway. "Your boyfriend does this at every party?"

" _Stop_ calling him my boyfriend. And no, that's not what I meant. My family gets a little weird once they start to drink, so I'm positive no one thinks you're a loser. We've all seen worse. Besides, your fall had nothing to do with that." Aki pushed open the door, ushering Ueno through, and they slowly approached the elevators.

Aki worried as he pressed the button for their floor, hoping the ascending of the elevator didn't cause Ueno discomfort or make him sick. Ueno bore the ride heroically, and there was no incident as Aki helped him into the apartment.

"I'm fine, you know." Ueno kicked off his shoes before entering the living area and collapsing on the couch. "I just need to lie down."

"Well, you hit your head pretty badly. You're probably starting to feel it now." Aki kneeled next to the couch, brushing Ueno's hair from his forehead. "You want to stay here?"

"Yeah." Ueno's eyelids drifted shut. "I'll be fine."

"What about my promise to take care of you?" Aki continued to comb his fingers through Ueno's hair.

"It's okay. You going back downstairs?"

"I'll stay up here with you."

"I'm not going to be any fun right now. You said so yourself. Sexy time was ruined." Ueno shifted to a more comfortable position, stifling a yawn.

"You're always fun."

"You didn't say goodbye to your family or thank them or anything. You probably should go back downstairs for a little while, at least." Even while in his current state, Ueno still had enough good sense to consider courtesies.

"I have time. They'll be here for a while."

"What about Mira?"

"I'm assuming that since he came without his family that he'll be staying tonight. Dad will probably just give him a room. Why?"

"Make him go away and never come back." Ueno mumbled childishly. "I don't want him to assault you again."

Aki smiled. "I'm more worried about you getting assaulted."

"He drooled on me." Ueno words were becoming more difficult to decipher as he hovered between wakefulness and dozing.

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Aki soothed. "Did it scar you for life?"

"Nah. But I don't like being kissed."

Aki moved to the edge of the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and balancing his chin on his hands. Ueno sounded almost childlike, and it was obvious he was still suffering from both the fall and the drinks. Keeping that in mind, Aki continued to speak to him as such, and his tone turned playful. "No? It's not fun when we kiss?"

"Mm, yeah. It's fun when you love someone."

Aki didn't reply, being struck speechless. Ueno was settling into heavy breathing that Aki had learned indicated that he was dozing, but steadily falling into a deeper sleep, so Ueno wouldn't have heard him regardless. Besides, Aki had no answer.

He gnawed at his lower lip, staring down at Ueno's peaceful face, his mind beginning to race. Was Ueno still _that_ drunk, or was he using his inebriated state as an excuse to confess and he wasn't really as far gone as he seemed? Was Aki simply assuming that his words were directly related to the two of them, or had Ueno felt this way, afraid to tell the truth, but was aided by his drunkenness? What if Ueno was just talking out of his ass? What if his meaning of love was too broad and he was just using the term loosely when it had no significant meaning?

Aki leaned over, both of his hands on Ueno's stomach, and shook him gently. "Ueno?" He received no response, and tried once, then twice more.

 _What am I doing?_ Aki berated himself. Ueno wasn't feeling well. He'd suffered a nasty fall, dealt with his invasive and exhausting family, drank way too much, and had mostly likely been fatigued before the festivities began. He'd definitely done his part and deserved his rest, so it would be best to let him sleep. Aki would have felt better if Ueno had moved to the bed before passing out; he'd be more comfortable and probably sleep better, although he'd learned that Ueno could fall asleep almost anywhere, even sitting up.

Aki rose to his feet, not sure what to do. He wasn't sleepy, so going to bed was out. His homework was completed. The apartment was clean, but he never had to do much anyway; housekeeping took care of such things. Aki was sure the party was still going strong downstairs, but he'd much rather be where Ueno was, even though he wasn't much for entertainment at the moment.

 _Dammit_. Aki didn't want to sit calmly like a good boy and let Ueno sleep. He wanted answers. He suddenly felt extremely childish, but what he did next made him feel even more juvenile. Without much thought, he snatched a pillow from the opposite arm of the couch, and proceeded to hit Ueno over the head with it.

Ueno didn't move, didn't even grunt, so Aki tried again. Again, again, and again, until he was out of breath, tossing the pillow back onto the couch cushions, burying his face in his hands. Pillows didn't pack a lot of wallop, and afterward, Aki was sufficiently ashamed of his tantrum.

It was stupid, really. Aki had never been interested in hearing the word love come from Ueno's lips before. He'd never anticipated or hoped for it. However, now that it was very possible that Ueno had accidentally let his true feelings slip, he wanted to hear it, and clearly. It hadn't been important to him over the last few weeks; all he'd been working on was a bond. He'd been so focused on the physical portion of their relationship, agonizing over stupid little things like when they were going to kiss next and sleeping arrangements that he hadn't noticed that the need to hear such words was even present.

Aki took several deep breaths, repeating the action until his blood ceased boiling and he was once again calm. The explanation could wait. Straddling Ueno's thighs, he leaned down until they were nose to nose, and gave him a little kiss before whispering his name.

Ueno's eyes opened slowly, and Aki rolled his own eyes. An assault with a pillow couldn't rouse him, but a peck on the lips and softly spoken words could?

At least he was up. Now hopefully Aki could persuade Ueno to get into bed. He wasn't going to play the desperate role and beg Ueno to repeat himself. Besides, Ueno was messed up enough that he might not even remember what he had said.

"I think you should move to the bed, okay?"

"Uh huh." Surprisingly, Ueno sleepily followed the instruction without any objection, standing up and walking slowly into the bedroom on his own, with Aki following closely behind in case Ueno lost his balance.

After Ueno was comfortable, Aki pulled the covers up and over his chest, tucking him in as promised. He decided to spend some time in the living room and allow Ueno to sleep without any disturbances.

"Can I get you anything? Do you feel sick?"

"No, I'm fine. My head just hurts a little. I'm sorry."

Aki frowned. "Sorry for what?"

"For ruining your party."

"You didn't ruin anything. I was teasing you before. It's kind of funny, at least now. Without you there, it would have been boring." Aki couldn't resist leaning over and brushing his lips lightly over Ueno's forehead. "Get some rest. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

Ueno opened his eyes open with difficulty, easing his arm out from under the blankets and fumbling for Aki's hand. "Not sleepy? What time is it?"

Aki checked his alarm clock before answering. "It's just after eleven. I'm not sleepy yet. I get more rest than you do. I didn't drink nearly as much as you did, and I didn't hit my head on top of all that. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Okay. You're nice to… me."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Aki held Ueno's hand gently.

"Dunno." Ueno's voice was beginning to fade, and Aki strained to hear. "You dunno how to… can't be serious..."

Despite having just told Ueno to go to sleep, Aki shook him again. "What?"

"I'm a phase… or somethin'.." Ueno's slurred words trailed off, and seconds later, he was asleep.

Ueno was speaking gibberish now, so Aki knew talking was useless. He gave Ueno some privacy, shutting the bedroom door behind him before flopping onto the couch. As he sat and tried to figure out Ueno's special version of word salad, there was a sharp rapping on his door.

Aki wasn't in the mood for visitors, so he sat there in the hopes that whoever it was would take a hint and get lost, but that wasn't to be. The rapping continued, louder the second time.

Aki groaned quietly, and jumped up to answer it before the noise could wake Ueno. Using the peephole was a practice that became habit as he settled into the apartment, so he did as he normally would and quickly checked to see who was standing on the other side of the door.

Aki didn't disapprove of profanity; he just didn't often use it. But this occasion called for it, and he swore softly as he unlocked the door and pulled it open. "What do you want?"

"You're such a gracious little birthday boy. Where's your guy?"

Aki didn't answer Mira. He stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips and waited.

"You're not going to invite me in?" Mira peered at him, and Aki could tell that he was still slightly buzzed, although not as far gone as Ueno. He was good at holding his alcohol anyway.

His reply was bald. "My guy's whereabouts are none of your business, and no, I'm not going to invite you in. Haven't you caused enough trouble?"

"What are you talking about? Are you mad about our little kiss? Or did Ueno spill the beans and tell you about our talk?"

Aki scowled. "What talk?"

"Oops. Me and my big mouth. Well, come out with me and we can talk about it."

"Out where?" Aki cocked his head.

"To your afterparty, or whatever you wanna call it. Your dad moved it to the bar across the street. He wants to karaoke battle. All the cool people are there. I'll buy you a drink." Mira's smile was all innocence.

"I don't want to leave Ueno alone. Thanks to you, he's not feeling well."

"Aww. I didn't tell him to get drunk." Mira shuffled from foot to foot.

"You might as well have. You two were obviously challenging each other. And you made him fall. Exactly why _did_ you kiss him?"

"Sounds like a conversation we could be having at the bar. You game?"

"Not really." Aki reached for his jacket. "But since I'm bored and want to know and you can't hang out here, I'm coming anyway." Ueno was fast asleep, so Aki figured stepping out for a while wouldn't hurt.

"Good." Mira grinned. "Besides, you don't want to miss your dad's performance. They're always entertaining."

"He sucks."

“He’s still fun.”

Insistent pounded interrupted Ueno's slumber. He drew the blankets over his head, an attempt to drown out the sound, but on it went, until Ueno rolled out of the bed, wondering where Aki was. Hadn't he said he'd be in the living room?

Ueno opened the door, stumbling into the darkened living room, which was empty. Ueno himself was a peephole advocate as well, and after he'd had a glance, he drew back, horrified. Where was Aki? He did _not_ want to deal with this alone.

Then again, he didn't wish for anyone to go hairless, so maybe it was better that Aki had disappeared.

He could just ignore her. He stood there, waiting, but another round of knocking ensued. Ueno actually jumped; she wasn't giving up. He sighed, opening the door and stepping back.

"Looking for Aki? He's not here."

"I know." Kanoko didn't look the least bit irritated at having to wait. "He's at the bar with Mira."

Ueno's brow lifted. "Excuse me?"

"He's at the bar with Mira, along with everyone else. Aki's dad said you'd probably be in Aki's room, so I came up to check on you. If you're feeling better, you should come."

"What bar?" Ueno rubbed his temples. He was still feeling slightly off, but coherent enough to be annoyed.

"Just a small one. It's right across the street. Want to come along?"

Ueno didn't want to come along. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he wanted to do it with the knowledge that Aki was safe somewhere in the apartment, and not out with Mira, master of tongue assaults.

Ueno let Kanoko in, shutting the door behind her. "Okay, but give me a minute to get myself together."

Kanoko face lit up. "Great! We can chat a bit. I didn't get to talk to you much, especially with Aki in the way. He's awfully protective of you."

Ueno found his second wind, hurrying into the bathroom to fix his hair and brush his teeth before reappearing. "Ready to go."

The bar was crowded, thanks to the sudden influx of patrons from Aki's party who didn't wish to stop the celebration.

Ueno and Kanoko entered together, but Ueno wasn't sure when he had indicated that it was acceptable for Kanoko to wrap her arm around his waist. If Aki was in fact inside, it wouldn't go over well, but Ueno found that he didn't care; after all, he had run off with Mira while he was fast asleep.

Ueno spotted Aki immediately. He was seated on a high barstool next to Ueno's assailant. He watched as they both simultaneously pounded drinks from shot glasses, and his ire grew.

He'd narrowly avoided becoming belligerent and hung over, but it was beginning to look like tomorrow would be a hell of a day anyway. He sat down at a relatively empty table, and Kanoko sat next to him. Much like at the birthday party, he was quickly joined by Aki's mother and father, as well as a few individuals he couldn't readily identify.

"Hey kid!" Satou-san clapped him on the back. "All recovered, I see. Good. Did you throw up?"

Ueno couldn't help laughing. "No, I'm good."

"Shame. If you heave, you have room for more alcohol." He raised his arm, signaling for a waiter. "Ah well. I'm pretty sure we'll all be trashed in the morning."

"Not me." Aki's mother delicately shook her head. "I've reached my limit. Someone has to walk you all to your rooms and keep you from flashing drivers."

"You have my word that it won't happen again." Satou-san smiled cheerfully, ordering a round of drinks for the table. "I'm buying. My son only turns legal once."

Ueno was surprised that no one mentioned the incident at the party. Maybe Aki had been right, and these folks were stranger than he thought. He shrugged. He was a little angry, and drinking seemed like a sound solution to his problem. He turned to Kanoko. "Order me something."

Kanoko literally glowed. "Order you what?"

"I don't drink a lot, so you pick." Ueno gave her a winsome smile.

Behind him, a few feet away, Aki finally noticed the new arrivals and set down his glass. "When did _he_ get here?"

"Not too long ago." Mira replied. "With your cousin, I might add. Told you they had something going on."

"Be quiet." Aki said peevishly, picking up his glass again, "I'm still mad at you."

"You asked! At least I told you the truth. I could have lied. I was out of line, but what did you expect me to do? You completely ignored me for over a year."

"I expected you to leave well enough alone and keep your mouth shut. I didn't expect you to go behind my back and give Ueno a complex. At least now I know what he was talking about. I thought he was delirious at first." Aki finished off his drink and turned to the bartender to ask for another.

It was loud enough that it was unlikely that their conversation would be overheard, but at this point, Aki was beyond caring. Brown alcohol wasn't his thing, but he'd had enough of it tonight that it wasn't an issue any longer.

Aki was lying. He wasn't really mad. He'd been surprised, of course, and wondered why Ueno hadn't confronted him about his conversation with Mira, but he wasn't angry. He understood that in most cases, those who felt badly about something didn't feel better until someone else felt worse. Taking that into account, Mira's behavior wasn't excusable, but it was understandable.

"Furthermore," Aki began, turning to face Mira fully, "I think you're just trying to run him off and make me miserable."

"If you two broke up, you'd be miserable? You'd still have me." Mira's face fell.

Aki looked away. "That's not your business." He turned to sneak another peek at the couple, and met Ueno's eyes. To his surprise, Ueno immediately looked away.

Mira switched gears. "Ueno seems to be feeling better. That's the sixth shot I've seen him take since he's been here; a grand total of about thirty minutes. He and your cousin appear to be engaged in some sort of competition."

"I don't care." Aki accepted his new glass.

"Yes, you do."

"Do not." Aki said stubbornly.

"No? So you'd be okay being _Uncle_ _Aki_?"

"What?" Aki looked up.

"They're probably going to head back to the hotel soon and get something going. Would you take their love child out to amusement parks, for ice cream, or be a pretend horsey for it so it rides on your back? Would you let it call you _Uncle_ _Aki_ , and buy it expensive gifts?"

Aki shook his head. "You're being ridiculous."

"Ueno doesn't seem like the type who would try to get anyone pregnant. I wonder if he's even had sex. Have you two done it?"

"That's also not your business."

"I thought so. You haven't. Or if you did, it was only once. Ueno seems like an _oops_ kind of guy, actually, so maybe pregnancy is possible."

"Do I even want to know what an _oops_ guy is?" Aki closed his eyes.

"Oops! How did my cock get in there?"

Aki, in the middle of downing his shot, began to cough violently.

Mira patted him on the back. "Easy."

"How did you become so stupid?" Aki asked once he regained control of his breath, noticing that the gentle pats Mira had been administering had turned into a backrub of sorts. "Stop."

"Stop what?"

" _Stop_ it." Aki was on the verge of losing his temper. The soft spot he had for Mira was still there. Why hadn't he dumped his drink over this idiot as soon as he'd fessed up about his talk with Ueno? He'd sat here and taken shot after shot and drank concoction after delicious concoction with the idiot instead, and gotten engaged in a conversation so idiotic that only someone drunk could appreciate it.

This was, coincidentally, what he was becoming. His fingertips were tingling and he was pleasantly warm.

He signaled to the bartender. "Ice water, please."

"Hah! What did I tell you? They're leaving."

Aki spun around in his chair, just in time to see the door swing shut. Ueno was gone, and so was his cousin.

"Where do you suppose they're going?"

"Stop being obnoxious. Y-you can be such a _dick_ sometimes.” Aki slid out of his seat for the first time in almost two hours, and realized that within that time frame, he'd forgotten how to use his legs.

"Whoa, Aki." Mira wrapped an arm around his waist to prevent him from performing a face plant. "Are those legs new?"

Aki looked up. "I'm done. I'm leaving."

"On _your_ legs? I'd better come with you, _Uncle_ _Aki_."

"Fine." Aki let Mira lead him to the exit. "Don't call me that _ever_ again."

"But it has such a nice ring to it. It's not accurate, though. If Ueno and Kanoko have a child, it would actually be your cousin, not a niece or nephew. But that's here nor there, huh?" Mira waved to Aki’s father, who had just climbed onto the tiny stage, microphone in hand.

The buzzed father frowned. "You're skipping out on my performance? Come on, you have to stay for at least _one_ more song."

Aki whimpered as Mira pushed him into an empty seat. By the time his dad was finished, Aki's new nephew or niece may have already been conceived.

Or cousin, or _whatever_.

"You staying here too?"

"With my parents. We're on the fifth floor."

"Want me to walk you back?" Ueno leaned against the closed elevator door for support, polite to a fault.

"I don't think that's necessary. You've had at least twice as many drinks as me." Kanoko smiled and pressed the button for the ninth floor. "How about I walk _you_ back?"

"Mm, 'kay." Ueno agreed cheerfully, although Kanoko clearly misread his enthusiasm.

The ride to the ninth floor was quiet. He'd left Aki at the bar without a word, and normally that would have upset him, but he felt a little empowered, actually. If he wanted to walk out on Ueno to hang out and drink with his ex, who was Ueno to interfere? He'd spent most of his time at the bar pointedly ignoring Aki, but it appeared that Aki had barely noticed his presence, so that effort had been in vain. Oh well. He'd still had fun amazingly enough, even though he'd had to deal with Aki's cousin. Watching Satou-san sing was horrifying and wonderful at the same time.

All in all, it had been fun. But now, he forced his legs into motion, and he was ready to literally drop. It wasn't a long walk to Aki's apartment, but Ueno felt like he was walking through mud, his steps slow and deliberate.

He leaned against the wall next to the door, digging into his pockets for his key ring. Holding it up to the light, he sifted through the few keys dangling from it.

Kanoko took the key ring from him. "Which one is it?"

"The biggest one."

"Alright." Kanoko selected it, but dropped her hand after a moment of thought. "Ueno?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you have a key to Aki's apartment?"

"He's my best friend, right? Makes sense, don't it?" Ueno gave her a big, dumb smile.

Kanoko tilted her head. "I guess so. I have a spare to my best friend's apartment. She always locks herself out."

Ueno didn't care, but he smiled again.

"Can I come in?" Kanoko asked hopefully. "Do you think Aki will care?"

Ueno pinched the bridge of his nose. Aki would care. "Uh.. It's probably not a good idea."

"Probably not, I guess. Aki's not around to ask, after all." Kanoko played with the key ring, disappointment evident.

"Sorry. Thanks for hanging out with me. It was nice to meet you all." He waited as Kanoko busied herself trying to best the door lock, and then reached out for the key ring.

One moment, he was resting his side against the wall for support, and the next, he had been turned, his back slammed against the wall that had just given him aid, the arm he'd extended for his keys grabbed by the wrist, the key ring itself falling to the floor. Too late, he realized that he was currently the victim of yet another lip-related assault.

The girl was stronger than she appeared. Kanoko's lips were soft and moist, but Ueno couldn’t be impressed; his only thought was _help_. His muddled thought process didn't tell him to fight back, but he raised his free hand, pressing it against the wall behind him in an identical position of his trapped arm in some sort of absurd surrender pose.

His legs began to tremble, and he forced himself to think rationally. _Off. Get off me._

It wasn't as if she was stronger than he was. It should be easy to push her away. Maybe he could just shove her off, snatch up his keys during the process, then make a break for it, slip through the unlocked door, and then lock it. That would eliminate any unnecessary conversation. Maybe he’d never have to see her again, so it wouldn’t matter.

It wasn't the best plan, but dammit, it was all he had. He steeled himself; he had to, as he wasn't in complete control of all of his faculties and actually had to contemplate his movements before he made them. Sudden pain bloomed in his bottom lip and he yelped in surprise as Kanoko's teeth clamped down on his sensitive skin. Sounds were faint, but at such a close proximity, he heard a muffled cry of pain and indignant shouting, and then he was free.

Ueno opened his eyes, the pain making it easier for him to focus. As he lifted his gaze, the first thing he saw was Mira, thin lips spread in a gleeful smile. In front of him was a figure that was most definitely _not_ smiling.

The figure had a beautiful set of rich brown eyes with a crimson glazed overlay, the effect usually one of velvety softness, and one Ueno usually loved- when Aki was smiling or in good spirits.

Right now, those beautiful eyes were narrowed and scorching in their intensity. Ueno attempted to take stock of the situation and finally looked away.

 _My hero._ Ueno couldn't help the silly thought while he fought against vertigo, raising a hand in defense and searching desperately for the right words, because this was actually _bad_. Ueno was reminded of being told by some faceless person that the quiet, calm ones were the most dangerous people. He was saved, but he now faced Aki's wrath, which wasn't merely bothersome like the kiss; it was terrifying.

Mira spoke first. It made sense; he was the only one in a somewhat stable frame of mind, had nothing to lose, and was uninvolved. He seemed to take joy in exploiting the situation.

"Wow, you get around, Ueno." He tapped Aki's shoulder. "But even so, let Kanoko go. She doesn't know any better."

Kanoko's neck was awkwardly arched, head tilted backward, and she reached back, squeezing Aki's wrist with her own hand as his slender fingers, threaded and tightly clenched in her processed hair, tugged sharply.

He lifted his head, looking at Ueno for the first time. He didn't speak first; he merely raised his free hand, finger extended.

He was pointing towards the door.

Ueno shook his head. He was a grown man; not an adolescent being sent to his room after misbehaving. _I'm not going in there._

Aki's finger didn't waver. "Ueno. Inside, _now_."

"Nuh _uh_."

Kanoko looked pained and confused. Mira looked unconcerned, amused, even. He watched with interest as Aki and Ueno stared each other down in a drunken standoff.

Aki's expression was calm, save for his eyes. He gave the hand buried in his cousin's dark tresses a sudden jerk, rewarded by a string of protests. "If you think for one minute I'm going to spoil your kids, you drank more than I thought."

"Huh? Whose kids?" In open-mouthed astonishment, Ueno threw his hands up in surrender. " _Fine_. Let her go, will you?" He turned, hand grasping the doorknob. "Come on."

Aki waited until Ueno had the door open, and then relaxed, his slackened fingers sliding from the girl's hair. He didn't acknowledge either bystander as he stalked into the apartment, muttering under his breath and flinging the door shut behind him.

Mira and Kanoko, disregarded, were left to observe one another as the apartment door slammed.

"What just happened?" Kanoko massaged her scalp gently. "What is my cousin's issue? He didn't seem to care as much when _you_ kissed him."

Mira finally laughed, unable to hold back his delight any longer. "You." He turned towards the elevators and strode down the hallway, Kanoko struggling to keep up, her heels and slight level of intoxication slowing her down. "Why are you following me?"

"I don't have any plans anymore, thanks to Aki. What am I supposed to do now?"

"You won't be doing Ueno tonight, that's for sure." Mira smirked. "Damn your cock blocking cousin all to hell."

They boarded the elevator, and he couldn't resist teasing her a bit further. "Haven't you learned by now to leave Aki's stuff alone?"

"What? Ueno doesn't belong to anyone; he's not a possession."

Mira shook his head. "You're still as dumb as dirt."


	15. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

There were two warring thoughts bouncing around within Ueno's cranial cavity as he turned to face Aki, watching as he slammed the door shut behind them- hard.

The first was that Aki was clearly angry. That thought called forth a small amount of fear. The second thought was that Aki, always gorgeous, was quite possibly even more attractive while incensed. That thought was threatening to call forth something else.

Ueno didn't speak. That was the funny thing about being intoxicated; Ueno volleyed between two separate thought processes. One was sober, looking down at the situation from a safe location. The other was the tongue tied awkward idiot the alcohol insisted he become. He retained his common sense, because the sensible side of him advised him against doing things that were obviously unwise. The problem was that the second side didn't always listen, but he was indeed mindful of both sides.

The sensible side was telling him not to speak until Aki did. The stupid side was fearful of Aki's reaction. Since both thought processes were telling him to keep his trap shut, he had no issues doing so. As Aki stalked past him, through the living room into the bedroom, Ueno remained where he was. He heard the bathroom door slam, and then running water.

Ueno dropped to the couch, tilting his head back against the cushions. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply to calm his nerves. Why did people have to pay for the choices of others? If Aki had been standing there long enough, he would have known as much. He hadn't done anything wrong.

Well, not much. Except for leaving with the girl and sitting with her in Aki's presence, all the while ignoring Aki the best that he could. And for not simply pushing her away.

"Shit, shit, shit." Ueno groaned.

The running water stopped, and Ueno sat quietly, waiting for what was coming, whatever it was. Having never fought with Aki before, this was all new. Did Aki yell or throw things?

He heard the bathroom door open, but after a few minutes of tense anticipation, Aki didn't appear. Ueno wondered if he had simply went to bed, but cast away the thought when the stomping resumed. He surmised that Aki was probably changing his clothes.

Did Aki drink coffee? Ueno had never recalled Aki drinking anything but water or tea- and alcohol, as of today, but rose unsteadily to his feet and teetered to the kitchen to check anyway. He did find the necessary supplies, and set out preparing some coffee for both of them. Ueno didn't drink it, but figured they could both use it tonight. He set the coffee maker before returning to the living area.

When Aki still hadn't appeared even after the coffee finished brewing, he contemplated poking his head into the bedroom to check on his boyfriend, but the sensible side of him immediately told him to continue waiting in the living room.

Ueno sat again, and after a moment, turned to recline on the couch. Closing his eyes, he realized that if he remained as he was, he would definitely be asleep in a matter of minutes. However, since Aki showed no signs of coming out to talk to him, he decided it really didn't matter and closed his eyes.

They would talk in the morning, or whenever the two of them woke for the day. The couch wasn't ideal for sleeping, but Ueno didn't mind. He sure as hell wasn't setting foot in the bedroom and he didn't trust himself to walk home yet. Lying down in general felt so good that he almost moaned as he stretched out. His breathing evened, the tension in his body easing in tiny increments.

Then he was startled back to wakefulness. The pillow that cushioned his head disappeared from underneath him.

"You're _sleeping_?"

Ueno sighed. They were talking now, it seemed.

It was more difficult than anticipated, raising himself back into a seated position, but he did it slowly. Aki stood next to the arm of the couch, clutching the pillow in his pale fingers, eyes sparking.

"I thought _you_ went to bed."

"I was waiting for _you_ to come in." Aki said, matter-of-factly.

"And I was out here waiting for you."

"I'm mad at you," Aki said, eyes narrowing, "so you're supposed to come to _me_."

It would be difficult refuting that type of logic, especially tonight. Aki dropped onto the couch next to him, and Ueno inched as far away as possible, but a couple of scoots brought him to the end of the seat, and not nearly far enough away for comfort.

Aki watched quietly, rolling his eyes. "So you're scared of me now?" He took a deep breath before speaking again. "What did I tell you about her?"

"Your cousin?" Ueno raised his eyes skyward, deep in thought. "To always share my food with her."

Aki swung the arm _not_ holding the pillow backward, and then let it fly, striking Ueno across the back of the head.

"Oww! Come _on_!"

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No." Ueno gingerly examined the back of his head. Aki had smacked the area that was already smarting from earlier in the evening. After Aki had been so cautious of that spot earlier when he'd been checking for injuries, why would he disregard those injuries now?

"If we're on the subject of sharing, though, let me point out that I didn't tell you to share _everything_ with her, especially not your tongue."

"She kissed me, not the other way around! What did you want me to do?"

Aki's fingers tightened on the pillow, his knuckles growing even whiter. "How about telling her to _stop_? How about moving away? How about staying here like you were supposed to? Do you just go along with anything that someone does to you? What else did I tell you about her? What did _everyone_ tell you about her?"

Ueno rubbed his temples. "That she's a.. whore."

Ueno must still be flying high or he'd never have used that particular word, but Aki didn't bother correcting him. " _Exactly._ Knowing that, I can't believe that you messed with her- and right in front of me." Aki tossed the pillow aside.

"Messed with her? Are you kidding? We were sitting with your parents. And the only reason I even showed up with her was because she came to get me and told me that _you_ had left with Mira. How long did you wait after I fell asleep to run off with him?" Ueno hadn't realized he was this angry, but as long as Aki was pointing fingers, he could do the same.

"He was telling me about your little conversation- which you never mentioned to me. And when you two disappear, I find you up here. Were you going to invite her in?"

"No!" Ueno's reply was immediate. "She asked, and I said no."

Aki's glare was frightening. "So instead, you decided to fool around _outside_ my apartment?" He leaned close. "When she traps you, I will _not_ wait around for you to play with me when you feel like it, and I won't babysit your little snotty-nosed, water-headed love children. I'm not letting them call me _uncle_ , taking them shopping, nothing!"

"Love children? Are you crazy?" There was the yelling Ueno had wondered about. Ueno jumped to his feet, which was more difficult than normal, and then paused. "Water-headed?"

"Have you seen the size of her head?" It appeared that Aki was past logic.

"I didn't kiss her." Ueno ground out the words. "You _know_ I wouldn't do that to you. I'd have dumped you first."

Aki's eyes widened exponentially. "What? So, you want to dump me now?"

"That's _not_ what I meant!" The stupid, drunk side had reared its ugly head. "I just meant that if I'd really wanted her, I wouldn't cheat on you, or anyone."

"Well, thanks for not cheating on me." Aki replied, sarcasm apparent. "But you didn't discourage her. That's the same as an invitation." Aki stood as well, voice lowering to a normal, familiar level.

"Oh, be reasonable!" Ueno snapped. "Did I not discourage her the same way you didn't discourage Mira? How is the way _you_ handled things any better, especially since you been… _with_ him before? At least I tried to fight him off!"

Aki was stunned into silence; he looked away as the sudden turning of tables knocked the wind out of his sails.

Ueno wasn't done anyway. He began pacing rapidly along the carpeting behind the couch, for the first time truly angry- pissed, even. In his anger, his speech was clearer, despite the fact that his motions were shaky and unsure.

"I didn't ask her to follow me around all night. I didn't ask her to come up here and invite me out, although I'm glad she did, or I never would have known that you were already out with _him_." Ueno rounded the couch. "I didn't ask her to come on to me or for her to kiss me. I didn't ask to put on Mira's bad side, or for him to tell me what I'm lacking and exactly why I'm all wrong for you. And I sure as hell didn't ask to be sexually assaulted by _your_ boyfriend!"

Aki shook his head, hands on his hips. "I find it strange that when my cousin kisses you, it's just a kiss, but with Mira, it's assault. It seems as if you find her behavior more acceptable than his." Aki didn't want to admit it, but the possibility scared him. He was positive Ueno hadn't been with a man before him; maybe Aki was just a phase and Ueno couldn't ever be truly serious about a guy.

"Fine! How's this? They _both_ mouth raped me, and it sucked _both_ times!" Ueno stopped pacing, clenching his fists. "I'm going home to get some peace. I can't do anything wrong from there."

On the last of his reserve of adrenaline, Ueno stumbled into Aki's bedroom, heading for his overnight bag. He lifted it, jerking the zipper shut without double checking for its contents, and then jammed his arm through the strap. Almost immediately, warmth from behind made him pause. Aki slid his arms around Ueno's rib cage, holding him from behind.

"Okay." Aki whispered.

"Okay, _what_?" Though his heart wasn't in it, he struggled briefly to remain irritable. "Let go."

Aki ignored the order and hugged him tightly; his chest pressed to Ueno's back, his nose nuzzling the nape of his neck. "I know you didn't ask for it, but that doesn't help; it still made me angry. I'm sorry. I know it sounds stupid, but I was never good at sharing. I thought that maybe because she was a girl-"

He stopped abruptly. That was a whole other can of worms he wasn't mentally equipped to argue about right now. He wasn't ready to voice that concern. He used one hand to pull the bag from Ueno's shoulder, tossing it back to a familiar rightful location, which was on the floor next to the dresser.

He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, repeating the action until Ueno calmed and his hands crept upward to cover Aki's. "It's not stupid. I don't want to share you either." Ueno meant what he said, but blushed at having to vocalize it.

"I'm so tired." Ueno's tone was pitiful, and it made Aki smile. "My head hurts and I'm dizzy." Tension and adrenaline waning, Ueno felt drained again, wooziness returning.

Aki turned him, and facing each other, he took in Ueno's frown, sleepy eyes, and bedraggled appearance. "Let's go to sleep and finish fighting in the morning." Aki sounded more reasonable now, but he was feeling the effects, though not as strongly as his boyfriend. He anticipated his rest just as badly as Ueno. Neither of them had really resolved anything, but that was fine with him- for now.

"If we have to. You're really hot when you're mad; I just don't want you mad at _me_." It was scary arguing with an individual that didn't _have_ to yell or curse to get their point across; Aki's voice lowered even more, and the softly spoken words were forbidding enough.

Aki let out a small laugh. "Thank you, then. Do you want to shower? You’ll probably sleep better afterward." He already knew the answer, but he wasn't positive Ueno could safely take one alone. "Can you handle it?"

"Yeah. I'll be okay." Ueno yawned.

Aki provided him with some towels and Ueno thanked him, polite boy that he was. "Be careful."

"Okay." Ueno said obediently. He jumped at the sound of more knocking on the door. "Who would come to your apartment this late? What time is it, anyway?"

Aki sighed. Even for a Friday night, it was well past his bedtime. "It's after three. But everyone else is still awake, so at least for tonight, this is normal. I'll get it."

Ueno retreated to the bathroom, and Aki made his way to the door. Seeing no one outside, he opened the door to peer down the hallway, which was empty. The only evidence of a visitor was a small cardboard box, taped heavily.

Aki picked it up and carried it inside, shutting and bolting the door behind him. He hadn't anticipated anyone dropping off any gifts. Most of his family had simply given him birthday cards, the majority of them including money. Perhaps it was something his mother had dropped off for him, but it wasn't decorated in her customary fashion, so Aki didn't think it was likely.

Aki took the box with him to his bedroom and perched on the edge of the bed, wanting to be able to hear Ueno shower in case he called for help.

Ueno didn't take longer than necessary; minutes later, Aki heard him shut off the water, sounds indicating he was brushing his teeth, and a few minutes after that, he opened the door, fully dressed in his customary sleeping attire.

Aki jumped to his feet, slipping past him. "My turn. Then we'll go to bed." He'd showered already that day, but after crawling around on the floor, getting clean was necessary.

Ueno began toweling his hair. "Okay." Sleep had never sounded so good to him before. Putting the day behind them, he'd probably be able to laugh about the night's events later. He waited, eyes barely open, for Aki to finish with his shower. Aki was a bit lazier in his movements than Ueno, not feeling the need to rush through anything, but Ueno sat patiently, not wanting to retire without him.

The small box caught his attention, and he leaned over Aki's side, snagging it from the floor and setting it on the bed. A birthday gift? Another delivery from his mom? It couldn't be something Aki had ordered. He hadn't noticed it before, so it must have been the reason for the visitor. Besides, there was no mailing label.

Aki showered in record time for once, and Ueno was still sitting in bed, staring at the mysterious package when he emerged from the bathroom, dressed for bed and drying his own hair.

"What's this?"

"I have no idea what it is; someone left it outside." Aki sat next to Ueno. "Open it."

"I can't do that." Ueno yawned again. "It's for you, not me."

"It's fine."

Curiosity got the best of him, and he started to peel the tape back while Aki went into the living room to douse the lights. Opening the lid, he blinked at the contents in confusion. His addled brain wasn't equipped to properly process what lay within the mounds of tissue paper.

"Well?" Aki re-joined him. "It was too heavy and made too much noise to be underwear, so what is it? Ueno?"

Ueno stared, open mouthed, into the box before reaching inside and presenting Aki with the first item.

Aki dropped his towel, stumbling to the bed. "Oh." He took the leather padded blindfold with both hands while Ueno delved into the box again, producing a set of double locking handcuffs in one hand and a rhinestone studded collar in the other.

Ueno dropped both items before reaching inside yet again. He examined a bottle, reading the label and muttering to himself before tossing it onto the bed.

Aki was at a loss. There was no point in stopping Ueno now. He watched as Ueno turned the box upside down, emptying all of the contents onto the comforter. He picked up each item, examining it carefully. Aki noticed that while Ueno appeared mystified, he wasn't disgusted, at least. The only toy that truly distressed Ueno was the leather dildo harness, which he dropped quickly back into the box.

Aki was torn between shame and anger. He didn't have to think hard to determine who had left it; cards and labels weren't necessary. He'd been given a small blessing, as the giver hadn't shown his face at the party, but it was inevitable that Aki would hear from him. The man had to let Aki know he still existed, to remind Aki of where he'd been. He wondered if Ueno would be able to come to the same conclusion. He met Ueno's gaze, his expression helpless.

Ueno swallowed audibly. "Nice gifts. Is it okay to ask who they're from?"

Aki gave him that sad smile that Ueno hadn't seen in weeks. "Who do you think sent them?"

Ueno grasped the handle of an unfamiliar tool between his fingers. "I'd love to assume they're from Mira as some kind of joke, but even though I just met him I don't think this is his style."

"No."

"I don't need any more guesses."

Ueno didn't question him further, but Aki felt it obvious by his expression that he got the point loud and clear.

"He just wanted to upset you, right? I didn't know you still.. kept in touch with him."

"That was his intent, I'm sure. I don't keep in touch with him, but he does know where I live. He always will." Aki spoke honestly.

Ueno actually laughed. Aki raised his head, confused by the sound. "If you actually used this stuff, it would be like a kick in the nuts, huh? He wouldn't expect it."

Aki felt unease creep up on him as Ueno switched gears.

Ueno set the box on the floor, and began sifting through all of Aki's new gear. Some he left on the bed, while most of it was tossed back into the box. "How would a guy even put something like this on? And, hey, why would a _man_ need a strap on in the first place?" His confusion was amusing.

Aki couldn't help it. He smiled. "You've never seen him naked." He didn't explain further, merely watching as Ueno threw toy after toy back into the box; the ball gag, nipple clamps and chain, leather lead and riding crop, among others.

"Well, _we_ aren't using it."

"Of course we aren't." Aki tiled his head, bemused. Ueno wasn't in need of any assistance down below.

"Come here." Ueno gathered the bounty that survived his first round of eliminations in one arm and scooted backward until he was seated at the head of the bed and beckoned with his free hand. Aki scooted forward until they were both facing the other, their knees touching lightly.

Ueno dropped his few items into his lap, thinking carefully before selecting one. "Okay, let's start with this one."

Aki gaped, but quickly closed his mouth before he tainted his perfect image. "What are we starting? And why are we starting it with that?"

Ueno held up the studded paddle, his expression akin to the look of a child discovering a new game. "Roll over, will you?"

Aki shook his head vehemently. "I don't think so. Those studs are metal. If you use that wrong, it _hurts_ , Ueno."

"But the other side is flat. Isn't that the point of the thing anyway? You're no fun." Ueno sulked for a quick moment, putting the paddle down and selecting something different. "Let's use this, then."

 _Am I drunk enough for this?_ Aki wasn't feeling free enough to enjoy himself without the slightest bit of worry, but he quickly lost his train of thought as Ueno leaned toward him. The suede falls of the flogger danced from side to side as he rotated his wrist.

Aki sputtered as Ueno underestimated his reach and he caught a mouthful of suede. "Ueno, be careful."

Ueno handed Aki the flogger. "You should show me how to use it, then."

Aki took it, but didn't move any closer. He wrapped his slender fingers around the handle and gazed at it thoughtfully. It was a well-made instrument, the handle a blend of red and black suede braided together with matching falls, and he couldn't help but to rotate his own wrist, watching the falls move rhythmically. Even if his master was brazen enough to send this type of gift, he wasn't tacky enough to purchase it cheap. "Ueno, I hope you understand that just because you found me in a rather embarrassing position doesn't mean that I'm an authority on these things."

"No?" Ueno asked stupidly. "You don't know how to use them?"

"We never actually used all of this stuff. He sent most of it to be a jerk. And I never got to use them- they were used on me."

"Did you like it?"

"Not really." Aki looked away. "I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with them if they're used correctly. But the people involved are supposed to be in agreement and trust each other. Rules are set before they begin, they test everything out to find out what's acceptable, and have safe words. It wasn't like that for me, because I never agreed to the relationship."

"Oh." Ueno mumbled. He flushed, hands on his knees.

"Don't be embarrassed." Aki leaned over, dropping the flogger into the box. "Considering the way we met, you had every right to assume that this was an everyday thing for me." This conversation, while short, was exhausting. "But it's not. If you're curious, you can always ask me. I'll answer you if I can."

Ueno stared at his hands as Aki gathered some of the remaining toys and tossed them aside. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize." Aki felt at fault for the sudden somber mood, but as his eyes focused on a few of the remaining gifts lying forgotten on the comforter, he was struck with an idea. He was tired, and not in complete control of his common sense, but he see didn't how using _those_ could cause either one of them any bodily harm, even for an unskilled individual.

He reached for one, examining it before tossing it into Ueno's lap. "You know how to use that, don't you?"

Ueno's eyes widened. "Um.. yeah. Self explanatory."

Aki smiled. "Wonderful." He picked up the other, and put a finger to his lips, not sure of the best way to start.

Ueno was pensive, but didn't shy away as Aki balanced himself on his knees, leaning forward. He closed his eyes at the gentle, soft pressing of lips against his, jerking slightly when he felt the coolness of fingers as Aki took hold of his t-shirt hem.

Aki moved back a fraction. "Do you want to stop?"

"N-No." As Aki pulled on the thin cotton, urging it up, Ueno raised his arms. Aki tugged the t-shirt over Ueno's head, dropping it carelessly behind him. He prepared to begin his onslaught, but had to stop for a moment and simply _look_.

"What?" Ueno asked slowly. "Somethin' wrong?"

"Nothing." Aki returned, rosiness highlighting his cheekbones. "I've never seen you like this, that's all."

"Like what?"

"Without a shirt." It was Aki's turn for bashfulness.

"Come on." Ueno shifted restlessly. "We've done -"

"We have, but you were fully dressed. All I've ever seen is your-" Aki interrupted. "I only saw what was necessary."

Ueno took his word for it; he wasn't having any success backtracking through his memories. "Sorry."

"You apologize too much, and for things you have no control over."

"I'm still sorry." Ueno pulled Aki to him, pressing the two of them lightly together. "I feel bad that you're stuck with such a kid sometimes. I'm so slow."

Refusing acknowledgement of his words, Aki sought his mouth again, pulling back only when Ueno, recovering from his embarrassment, slowly began to divest Aki of his upper clothing as well.

He waited patiently until Ueno gave his shirt the same treatment, and then leaned back in for another kiss. Aki endured the uncontrollable shiver that ran through him at the sensation of skin on skin contact for the first time ever.

One moment he was straining upward. The next, he found himself pushing Ueno flat onto his back against the pillows. Ueno consented without any argument, allowing himself to fall onto the cool, soft bedding.

"I thought I'd ruined our sexy time." Ueno spoke, his words slow and hushed.

Aki warmed as the uncertainty in Ueno's gaze was replaced by an enamored glow he'd never witnessed before and in lieu of an actual answer, Ueno wrapped both hands around the smooth skin of his neck and slowly pulled him down the few inches that separated them.

It didn't seem odd to Aki that in spite of the way they'd met and the accessories that lay in the box next to them and scattered on the bed, that Ueno handled him so gently. It did surprise him, however, when Ueno pulled away too soon for Aki's liking.

A protest was on the tip of his tongue, but he held back. It was late, neither of them were in the appropriate frame of mind, and Ueno had to be feeling lousy. But he couldn't help experiencing a small amount of disappointment when Ueno wriggled out from underneath him.

His surprise turned to confusion. Ueno moved quietly, until he was kneeling behind Aki, and with a gentle hand to his shoulder, pushed him downward.

In complying, Aki ended up on his stomach, cheek pressed against the pillows. There was a faint rusting from behind, then heat enveloped him from his hips to his neck, but he closed his eyes and resisted an overpowering need to determine the source of the warmth.

Time stood still while Aki waited, until he was finally rewarded with a warm puff of air, followed by equally warm, soft lips. Aki forced himself to remain still, but a slight tingle rippled from the affected area, spreading quickly to his extremities.

Nudges matured to small kisses, small kisses to longer ones, and long, slow kisses to gentle swipes of the tongue and as Ueno gained confidence, his touches were less hurried, less experimental. His fingers moved comfortably over Aki's sides, applying light, languid strokes to the supple skin.

Aki found it difficult to simply lie still, and as he raised himself up his forearms, head bowed, he wondered who was really bent over him, working him into a feverish mess. Breathing heavily, his shivering uncontrollable, he wasn't sure of the role he was to assume. Being on the receiving end, while sweet, was unsettling.

The sudden lack of sensation, as well as the crackling of plastic that reached his ears interrupted his scattered thoughts, but his disorientation was short lived. Cool slickness, immediately followed by the slide of Ueno's fingertips brought him back to reality, and for once, his reality was more wonderful than his musings.

He relaxed his arms, his front pressed against the bed as Ueno's lips replaced his fingers, nuzzling and kissing their way over the expanse of skin until they reached the back of his neck. Aki had been biting his lip in an attempt to discourage any sounds from passing through, but now they did, unnoticed and uncensored.

With no mental command, he rotated his hips, grinding himself into the bedding once, as if his anatomy were impoverished. Fearing an embarrassing eventual outcome, Aki clenched his fists, words he intended to shout coming out as a whisper. " _Stop_."

Ueno heard him anyway. "Did I do something wrong?"

Aki groaned, burying his face in the pillows. "No," he said, his voice muffled. The major problem wasn't Ueno; it was the fact that he wasn't accustomed to this type of treatment, and he wouldn't be able to guarantee that he'd be able to maintain control. He needed no further stimulation- no, he was wary of further stimulation.

But they didn't have to stop, not if Ueno would allow Aki to revert to type. If he could take charge, they could continue without Aki losing all of his good sense and control, among other things.

Ueno moved back, allowing Aki to roll over and assume a seated position. He smiled weakly, reaching out with both hands, and Ueno paused before taking them his own. "Your turn."

He used his grip to urge Ueno to take his previous spot, and couldn't hold back his sigh of relief, as well as disappointment. The switch to a more familiar role was comforting, and he looked forward to giving Ueno the same treatment- and giving his own body a break.

As Ueno sank heavily to the mattress and Aki began to lovingly return the favor, which was much easier than accepting it, a question repeated itself over and over.

_What's wrong with me?_

In the end, as he watched Ueno's eyes close, Aki didn't know what was more surprising; Ueno's willingness to venture into the unknown, or the transition that Aki had himself experienced in his feelings towards his past life. Thankfully, Aki had been able to shed some of his reservations, and they had both enjoyed themselves.

One of his most prized birthday gifts hummed gently next to him, and he leaned over to turn off the aquarium lights, then the bedside lamp.

His less prized gifts sat disregarded in the box, pushed against the side of the bed. Aki didn't think that the view of them would be the cause of unease and fear any longer. He'd told the other that these were nothing to play with and shouldn't be used by someone inexperienced, but by the end of the night- or morning, in their case, they had ended up fishing out some of the toys. Although the way they proceeded was against the vision of the manufacturers, it had been amusing and healing. To laugh at his past instead of dread the reminders had been something Aki had not expected. To laugh in general was odd for him.

The entire night had been unexpected. Every single event had been a surprise, but the end result of all of those events had created the present. They rested close to one another, for once not clasping one another in search of sleep. Ueno breathed quietly, exhausted to his core, while Aki reclined near him, barely able to see his form in the dark. From the knee down, Ueno's extremities hung off the edge of the bed since as he was lying sideways, having been too tired to settle down properly. They were both sticky with quickly drying sweat, among other fluids, which was the main reason Aki wasn't attached to him.

He considered taking another shower, but was truly too spent, physically and otherwise, to drag himself out of bed to take one. Besides, the sheets would have to be washed, as well as Ueno. It made no sense to get clean and then climb back into bed.

As it turned out, Ueno had discovered that he didn't understand at all- and probably no longer wanted to by the end of the night. He didn't _mind_ the paddle, but he didn't love it. The logic behind the appeal of a flogger confused him, and he hadn't quite gotten the hang of using it. Aki had been amused, but had managed to hold back on chuckling- until he had secured the nipple clamps, slipped, and accidentally tugged too hard on the attached chain.

Sure, Aki felt bad, but when he recalled Ueno's facial expression and the howl that tore from his throat, Aki had to physically hold back his laughter. After all, he _had_ told Ueno that he wasn't an expert using toys, and neither of them had any experience with warming each other up, so Ueno hadn't been physically or mentally prepared for it and Aki wasn't confident he'd applied them properly. He'd quickly removed the little clamps- another a big mistake, and Ueno had snatched them from Aki's grip and thrown them back into the box as if they were a live, poisonous animal. Ueno sat there, massaging his reddened, sore skin, and Aki waited until Ueno had stopped whining before they were able to continue.

His eyelids were growing heavy, his vision foggy. His high had long worn off, but he didn't feel sick, thank goodness. Ueno would be another story. He'd use his memories of the night to remind him of what occurred while he was nursing Ueno back to health. He wasn't sure if his bedside manner would be adequate, but it was his self-appointed responsibility; he wouldn't allow anyone else to do it. He'd remember the foreign sighs and moans, awkward and gentle but impassioned touches, and Ueno's absolute willingness to learn as much about Aki as possible. He knew Ueno had no real interest in using his gifts to their full advantage; he'd only wanted to understand.

That alone made him smile in the darkened room. Despite all of the craziness, frustration, and overall weirdness that made his life what it was, he was most definitely happy. As he rested quietly and listened to Ueno's breathing, he realized the attachment he felt for the other was much more serious than he'd realized.

That attachment wasn't the same as what he'd felt towards his master or for Mira. He'd tolerated his master, and at some points in their long acquaintance even felt some affection, less so after they'd started living together. Sometimes, he'd felt a little pity along with it. He'd been attached to Mira because he knew that no matter what, Mira made him feel safe and protected. If only he'd allowed Mira to step forward in protest and tell the truth, there was a high probability he'd have never left home.

He reached out blindly until his fingers met Ueno's cheek, stroking it with a feather light touch. Ueno took care of him in every way possible. He felt more protected than he ever had before. With Ueno, he experienced every emotion available.

He felt sadness, because as much as he wanted to, now more than ever, he wasn't able to tell Ueno everything. He felt appreciation, because though Ueno knew Aki still had information he couldn't reveal, he accepted the possibility that he would never know all of the answers. He felt security, because Ueno was always close by, whether it was while they were both on campus, or while Aki was at home and Ueno was hard at work a few floors below. He felt hope, because they were always making some sort of progress, no matter how minute. He felt affection, because there were no greater moments than when Ueno smiled, laughed, or gently teased him. He felt fear, because Ueno clearly underestimated his own worth and didn't understand his appeal to others. He felt happiness, because Ueno had the gift of making Aki laugh, which wasn't something he often did. Ueno turned negatives to positives, uncertainties to contentment, and wrongs to right.

At that moment, because of all of those emotions, Aki understood why he'd wanted to so badly for Ueno to clarify his earlier mumblings. He wanted to hear Ueno tell Aki that he loved him, so he could tell him that he felt the same way and know that they shared the feeling.

He also felt pathetic, because now he realized that if he never heard them, no matter how satisfying his life was, there would always be a small hole that only those words could fill. Things could be almost perfect, but not quite.

Wasn't he too young for this? Wouldn't a saner adult tell him that he wasn't old enough to know what he wanted or how he felt? That people his age were fickle, and could change their minds as frequently as they changed clothes?

His mother used to always tell him that even though he was young, he had an old soul. It was her way of justifying his brooding and reluctance to include himself in their attempts for normal family interaction. Aki used to roll his eyes, but now he was inclined to agree with her and couldn't chalk his feelings up to a childish infatuation, although these days he sometimes wished he was a little more carefree. He was sharp enough to recognize the signs of being in love. The realization hit him so suddenly, but he knew it wasn't going to pass.

Daylight was approaching, the official indication of the beginning of their weekend. The tentative plan was either to get as far away from the hotel as possible, or hide in his apartment all day and avoid his family. As long as there was an absence of outsiders, Aki would be content no matter where he was.

Ueno would need to rest anyway. He had been burning the candle at both ends and would be suffering from that blow to his head, an inevitable hangover, as well as some sore body parts and tender skin.

Abandoning his cheek, Aki moved again, searching for Ueno's hand. He shifted closer, lifting Ueno's warm fingers to his lips.

Sleep threatened to overcome him. Aki shifted around in bed until his head rested on the small of Ueno's back. He arranged the blanket, which had started to slip from the bed during their playtime, around his body.

He tasted the sharp flavor of cinnamon on his lips, and hoped Ueno wouldn't be incredibly humiliated once he recalled the night's proceedings. But that was fine, too, because Aki would be there for reassurance. They had nothing to be ashamed of, and simply holding hands and light pecks on the lips were no longer acceptable. Aki had some progress of his own to make, but after tonight, Ueno was going to have to man up too.

_That, or get eaten alive._

 


	16. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

The first thing Ueno noticed as he cracked open an eye was the throbbing sensation that dominated multiple locations on his body.

His legs were sore, but not unbearably so. The skin on his back and shoulders smarted, and as he attempted to raise his upper body from the bed, the friction his chest created against the sheets made him hiss quietly.

He was only slightly nauseous, but his head pounded horribly. His mouth dry, he yearned for even just a sip of water. Further stock of his body indicated a very numb rear end, which he couldn't readily explain. His fingers were sticky, and his body felt covered in some sort of sheen he couldn’t identify. His tongue felt swollen, and running it over his lips produced a tang that he suspected was chocolate. A sickly sweet smell invaded his nostrils when he sniffed experimentally.

The weight holding his body down was centered on his rear end, and was quite possibly the reason for the numbing sensation. He lifted his upper body again, his weight braced on his forearms, and craned his neck to assess the situation behind him.

Ueno relaxed. Oh. Aki.

He couldn't see Aki's face, but he was able to see his boyfriend's mop of brown hair.

_Brown… Brown?_

Perhaps Ueno was still suffering the effects, but he closed his eyes, paused, and then reopened them, taking another good look.

Oh, yeah. It was Aki, and his hair definitely had a brown tinge to it, with no normal impeccable style that he had grown to expect. Of course, Aki was a human being who suffered from bed hair just like anyone else and didn't just wake up looking centerfold ready, but this was weird.

Ueno turned away. He'd worry about that in a few minutes. There were more pressing matters, like taking a leak and getting some non-alcoholic liquid into his system.

He was considering what to do first when Aki shifted, lifting his head from Ueno's rear. His planning was derailed as rhythmic pounding took place and he stiffened, arching his back and gritting his teeth.

Aki's restless pillow punching was amusing to Ueno, but only when the punching was performed on a real pillow, not the already sensitive cheeks of his ass. Ueno squirmed, easing his body out from under Aki and crawling to the foot of the bed. No matter how many times he tried to adjust the firmness of his _pillow_ , Ueno didn't expect his ass to soften to Aki's comfort level.

From his safe vantage point, he stared blearily as his boyfriend, midsection wrapped in a blanket, curled back into his fetal position, slender brown feet pressed against the headboard. It was a ridiculous sight, and if Ueno hadn't been so sleepy and irritable, he would have thought it adorable.

_Brown…_

Ueno cautiously crawled closer, reaching out and resting a hand on Aki's head. His hair was extremely stiff, and arranged in a haphazard sort of mohawk. In lieu of clear hair product, the style appeared to be held in place by some sort of brown gel or grease, which was also smeared on his cheeks and stained his lips.

A glance at the clock told him it was only ten, but he had to get home by early afternoon. It was an odd weekend, and that meant he was due a visit from his family.

He inched closer, and without consideration to the fact that Aki was still sound asleep, grabbed one of the other man's heels and lifted his foot for closer examination. It was sticky, and Ueno leaned in, not questioning the absurdity of sniffing his boyfriend's feet. He pressed his nose into the soft skin of his delicate arch, and allowed himself a deep whiff. There was that sweet smell again.

He battled the urge to lick, as he was sure that he had identified the brown stuff in Aki's hair and covering his skin. In considering his action, he was struck with the knowledge that he wasn't able to differentiate between memory and possible desire. No matter what, it was odd, because he'd never actually done it before, or experienced an urge to lick someone's foot in the past. He was sure of that.

Aki didn't move, and Ueno carefully lowered the foot. He slowly eased out of bed, the need to empty his bladder becoming urgent. After taking care of that issue, he hobbled into the kitchen, where he proceeded to empty an entire bottle of refrigerated water in a few desperate gulps.

He hadn't checked out his own appearance while in the bathroom; he had been too afraid to look. Ueno couldn't remember experiencing so many aches and pains at one specific time, so he was reluctant to discover whether or not he had been as disheveled as Aki was, and if the reasons for his pains were visibly evident.

Ueno remembered their time together before he'd passed out from exhaustion, at least most of it. He was aware that there were still some memories that were fuzzy, but that was typical when Ueno drank. The images he'd lost would reveal themselves in time, but at this point, he did recall the sound of Aki actually laughing softly while Ueno ran his chocolate smeared fingers through the other man's hair.

So _he_ was the stylist responsible for the creation of Aki's chocolate mohawk. Ueno swallowed. He remembered the flogger, and everything he'd found in that box, including those God-awful nipple clamps, how Aki had gently stopped him when he'd attempted to learn to use them- at first.

That explained some of his aches. As he stood, putting together the pieces, his cheeks began to overheat.

So Ueno remained in the tiny kitchen, torn. What should he do first? Should he wake up Aki and get them both cleaned up? Should he just run home? Was he supposed to apologize? No, if Aki had disapproved, he would have stopped him before things had gotten too crazy- and wouldn't have reciprocated.

Or so he hoped. Aki had been drinking as well.

He reentered the bedroom slowly- that was all he could manage anyway. Approaching the bed, Ueno sat on the edge, lost in thought. He didn't want to wake Aki, but he was positive Aki would be put out if Ueno simply left without telling him. That was a problem, as Ueno had never woken up a significant other after a night like the previous one. What was he supposed to say?

"Morning." Aki's voice was thick.

Apparently, _Good_ _Morning_ would do the trick. Ueno returned the greeting, waiting for Aki to get his bearings, which always took a few minutes. He turned around while Aki slowly sat up, watching as the lighter haired man looked around in bewilderment. Aki's confusion soon gave way to amusement, and to Ueno's surprise, he smiled contentedly.

The soft sheets were stained, and would need to be washed immediately, as well as every pillowcase, the comforter, and the two men themselves. Luckily, there didn't appear to be any damage elsewhere. However, Ueno was going to have to do some planning to get the bedding cleaned without arousing suspicion. Housekeeping was not an option, so he was going to have to go down to the first floor and obtain replacements, and then wash the soiled bedding himself.

"You're up early." Aki loved his sleep. Ueno knew neither of them had slept more than a few hours, so for Aki to wake up naturally after such a late, eventful night was out of the ordinary.

"I'm sticky.." Aki's raspy morning voice was still low.

Ueno rose to his feet, and grabbed the first pillow, pulling it out of the case and tossing the linen to the floor before reaching for the next. "I'll start taking care of this stuff if you want to get cleaned up."

Aki pointed. "You're in bad shape yourself. I'll take care of my bed."

"It'll look funny if you take this stuff downstairs to be washed. I'll do it now, and hopefully no one will be there to notice."

"I wasn't going to take them downstairs. I was going to let housekeeping take care of it, actually." Aki examined a chocolate smeared arm.

"You can't do that." Ueno waited for Aki to climb out of bed, then tugged the comforter down and let it fall to the floor. "They'll wonder what the hell went on in here."

Aki let out a sigh as he stretched, raising his arms above his head. "It's not my concern what they think. You shouldn't worry about it either."

Ueno silently continued gathering up the bed linen, his movements rushed and jerky.

"Ueno?" Aki walked the perimeter of the bed until he reached the other side, pulling at the sheet Ueno clutched in his fingers. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Ueno's reply was quiet and gentle, but it didn't sound sincere.

Aki took the sheet from him, tossing it to the floor. "But you look upset."

"I don't feel so great, that's all." Ueno was telling the truth about not feeling well. In fact, it was quite the understatement. The tiny aches were irritating, and the larger aches and hangover were distressing. He wanted to crawl under the blankets and sleep for the next year, but he also was unsure of how he was supposed to be feeling at this point as far as emotions were concerned.

"I'm sure you don't." Aki reached upward, stroking his cheek. Ueno stiffened at the contact. "You've got to be hurting quite a bit. Go take a shower. I'll take care of things in here. You'll feel a little better after you get all of that stuff off of you."

"It's okay. I'll help you clean up here, and then I've got to run. I'll take one at home."

Aki wasn't hung over, but he thought he just might be sick anyway. "You're leaving?" Ueno was allowed to have a life outside of this one. Aki was aware of that, but his chest still ached.

"Yeah. It's unspoken, but every odd Saturday, my mom comes by like she did that time you came over."

Aki relaxed marginally, although he wasn't sure why he'd been so on edge in the first place. "Oh. Don't worry about the room. Like I said, I'll take care of it. Still, have you looked at yourself in a mirror? I don't think you should walk home like that."

Ueno shook his head. "It's fine. I'll just cover up."

Aki didn't ask Ueno any further questions. He included Ueno in everything he did, and it hadn't even been a conscious effort; it was just the way things had become, and it was something he hadn't noticed or minded. Ueno had now met a nice chunk of Aki's family, they slept side by side nearly every night, and when they weren't together, they were in communication.

Then again, maybe Aki had the wool pulled over his eyes. This morning, Ueno was obviously distressed, regardless of how he tried to mask it. He was leaving for the day, and giving no reassurance that Aki would see him over the course of the weekend, nor did he appear to be interested in inviting Aki along with him.

"Okay. I'll see you."

Ueno frowned. "I wasn't going to leave right this minute. I should help you clean up."

"Just go. Thank you for everything." Aki turned, grabbing a towel before entering the bathroom and shutting the door without any further dialogue.

Stupefied, Ueno stood in place, staring at the closed door. He'd just done something wrong. That much was very clear, but he wasn't sure exactly what it was.

Frustration reigned as he gathered up his things and exited the apartment. He knew, deep down, that leaving immediately wasn't a smart move, but he _was_ due home soon, and didn't feel comfortable staying.

Back and forth. Uncertainty and then comfort, an argument followed by reconciliation, only to be followed by more uncertainty. Was it his entire fault? And if it was caused by both of them, when was this crap going to end?

After another drink of water, Ueno entered his own bathroom. It was comforting, being in his apartment again. He stopped by often, between work and school, but rarely stayed. His stops had purpose, such as to grab a change of clothes, clean, or take care of some other business.

He didn't like Aki's place better than his; he just liked being with Aki. It had become routine to see him at least once a day, even if it was just at school. But it was a given that Ueno stayed over, so that had quickly become the norm. It was weird being at home; even though the morning had been uncomfortable, but he should have asked Aki to tag along.

"Oh, shit. I didn't ask him to come with me." Ueno wondered if that was the reason for Aki's mood swing that morning.

Staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror after he removed his hooded sweatshirt, Ueno was aghast. So that's what Aki had meant when he advised Ueno against going out in public.

After he finished undressing, he realized he was just as coated in sticky stuff as Aki was, although his skin was definitely lighter, and had a glittery, golden sort of sheen to it. It covered his chest, both of his calves, one thigh, his shoulders, back, and arms. Some stickiness was even dried behind one of his ears. He'd remained in the pants he'd slept in, which were stuck to his legs in certain spots and merely shrugged back into his t-shirt and throwing on a sweatshirt before leaving. He hadn't noticed the result of their night then.

The shower didn't, in fact, improve his condition or state of mind at all. At this point, he wasn't sure if the headache that had become very, very serious was a result of fatigue, frustration, or his hangover. He still hurt, and he suspected the only remedy to all of his woes was some long deserved rest, but he wasn't even allowed that luxury. He'd have to deal with his mother and perhaps more company for a large portion of the day and after they left, he'd have cleaning to do, not to mention the small mountain of homework that had piled up over the previous week.

And if that wasn't enough, there was Aki to worry about.

_I ran like a baby, and I didn't even help clean the apartment. Does Aki even know how to clean up after himself?_

Aki must know; Ueno had just never seen him actually clean anything. Ueno shook his head as he stepped out of the shower, toweling himself off quickly before wrapping the terry cloth around his waist. From his bedroom, he heard a key turning in the lock, and knew his family had arrived. His mother never knocked; they helped cover his living expenses, and their names were on the lease along with his, so they had their own set of keys.

He'd wanted to call Aki as soon as possible, but it appeared that damage control would have to wait until his visit was over.

And a lengthy, painful visit it had been. Luckily, his mother came alone this time, so Ueno didn't have to entertain. He was normally grateful that his mother always brought groceries, cooked him dinner, packed food for him to eat later, and did his laundry. He liked spending time with his family, but the time it took had Ueno ready to climb the walls this time.

He was a good son, however, and managed to answer all of his mother's questions adequately, including where that cute little friend of his was. Ueno promised to have Aki over the next time she visited, reminded anew of the fact that he should have asked Aki over in the first place.

He hadn't _meant_ to leave Aki out; he simply had been too consumed in his unease and his haste to leave that he hadn't thought to invite him. In hindsight, such a small oversight seemed pretty major, and he felt a pang of guilt each time he thought of it.

He wasn't sure if Aki had noticed and was offended by his rudeness or not, but with every passing hour since he had been home, he'd grown more and more distressed, and felt that with each of those hours that ticked by, the distance between them would grow. He needed to talk to him, for his own peace of mind if nothing else.

First, since he now had some food in his stomach, he downed a glass of water with a few aspirin in an attempt to kill the headache that had been at the forefront the entire afternoon before grabbing his phone and reclining on his old couch.

Text messages were the most convenient and well used method of communication between Aki and himself, but Aki deserved a phone call.

Ueno waited through four rings before he was able to hear Aki's quiet, low voice. "Hi."

There was a pause before Aki answered. "Hello. How was your day off?"

Ueno had a feeling that question, outwardly spoken innocently enough, held a tinge of sarcasm. Day off from work, class, or Aki?

"Uh.. Fine. Are _you_ okay, though? You seemed upset when I left."

"I'm fine. I just- forget it. I'll see you on Monday, I suppose."

Uh oh. Ueno was truly alarmed now. "No. Don't hang up. What is it?"

"Are you angry about last night?"

"Which part?" Ueno wasn't trying to sarcastic; so much happened that he needed Aki to clarify. "The party? Mira? The argument? And what did I do to make you think I was angry?"

"No. Afterward. I guess you could call it this morning, not last night." Aki's voice had turned cautious, and quieted so much Ueno had to strain to hear. "You just seemed strange this morning."

Ueno chewed his lower lip. "I'm not angry. I'm just kind of confused." He was fighting to put his thoughts into words.

"Confused as to what happened, or confused about how you feel in regards to what happened?"

Ueno clamored for the proper response, unable to formulate a response in a timely manner, which Aki clearly took as a negative. His voice was scary, because he didn't sound angry; his tone was resigned. "Now I understand why you were in such a hurry, at least. Why did you call?"

" _Huh?_ I'm not allowed to call you now?" Ueno was truly confused. "What's wrong?"

As Ueno had learned the night before, when Aki was upset, he failed to listen to any reasoning or follow a logical train of thought. He simply continued along his own thought process, failing to heed any protests. "I'll be sure next time you make a drunken advance to say no, and I'll file last night under a _things Ueno will be ashamed of in the morning_ category."

"I never said I was ashamed." Ueno rubbed at his temple with his free hand.

"I have to go."

_Click_

Ueno had done something else wrong, but also had no idea what.

Aki had always seemed to be so level headed, at least at first. However, in less than twenty four hours, Ueno had learned that once again, Aki was human, and subject to the same bouts of irrationality as the next man. He was not the constant epitome of sweetness and tranquility that Ueno had once thought. Twice in less than a day, he'd been on the receiving end of it. He jumped to conclusions quickly, and was reluctant to listen to reason.

Ueno himself was unsure of why he'd felt the need to leave so quickly, but taking stock of his warring emotions, he was ready to guarantee that regret wasn't the reason. And until he figured out what it was, he was better off leaving Aki alone. He'd made that phone call woefully unprepared, and being hung up on was the result.

Ueno tossed his phone on one of the couch cushions and stood. There was no way in hell he was going to try and call back. He wanted to, but he still had no explanation. He'd give the situation some more thought while he took care of his business at home.

Unfortunately, cleaning only took an hour or so, and all too soon he had completed the folding and storing of his laundry, vacuuming and sweeping, sorting through his mail, and the organization of all of the homework he had to complete before Monday. He was sleepy, sore and out of sorts. But duty called, and he had things to accomplish before the weekend drew to a close no matter how much he wished otherwise.

He did well, plugging away doggedly at his assignments, startled when the setting sun plunged his apartment in semi-darkness. Even then, he simply turned on his lights and continued, the distraction welcome. Homework was easy enough to tackle compared to his love life.

When he finished for the night, standing up in order to stretch and check the time, he was startled to discover that he'd been working steadily all evening and most of the night. He'd wasted the whole day, but he'd accomplished everything that was necessary. The fact that he'd cleaned his place and knocked out all of his homework left him in a better frame of mind than before, since it meant that he would be free all Sunday.

Free to do what, though? Ueno hoped it would mean rest, but he wasn't going to be able to relax until he talked to Aki again.

It couldn't be that hard to make Aki listen to him. He just needed to sit the other man down and _make_ him shut up, right? The problem was, Ueno had no idea what he wanted to tell him and that being said, it was quite possible that while Aki was sitting quietly, having been properly and effectively shut up, that Ueno would continue swallowing his own foot. That might be even more damaging than letting the situation cool.

He wasn't going to be able to stay home, sleep, or experience any kind of peace as long as he worried, however. Maybe if he simply _asked_ Aki what the problem was, he'd tell him. Probably not, but Ueno was willing to try. He decided not to call ahead and ask Aki if he was actually home, not after their previous conversation. He'd stop by, and if Aki wasn't there, he'd wait inside for him. It was a little brash on Ueno's part, but hey, Aki had given him a key and he didn't have a Plan B.

So he threw on a hooded sweatshirt before leaving his apartment, embarking on a trek that he had learned to walk with his eyes closed for the second time that day. He ignored the urge that advised him to take his weary body to bed and recover from the previous week.

Walking mindlessly, Ueno started out by asking himself exactly why he'd been on edge that morning- again. How had he felt when he'd woken up and started to realize what had occurred?

 _I felt kind of stupid._ That was an understatement. He was sure that he didn't remember everything that had taken place. There were holes in his memory that were driving him crazy. He wasn't necessarily ashamed about their night together, or regretful, wishing that it had never happened.

Ueno couldn't help but remember what Mira had told him, when they were alone outside of Aki's birthday party. Mira had mentioned that he had been the first man Aki had ever been intimate with. At the time, Ueno hadn't thought much of it, but now he realized that it did instill some fear of whether or not he would be able to measure up to Mira, along with the countless other men Aki must have met over the course of the last year.

Mira also told Ueno that he was Aki's first real lover. That instilled a small amount of fear as well. If Aki had never dated anyone, was that by choice? And if it was by choice, was it because Aki found such normal proceedings mundane or undesirable? If that was the case, what was he doing with Ueno in the first place, and would he be enough to hold Aki's attention? Maybe that's what Mira had meant when he'd mentioned that Ueno must be some sort of phase Aki was going through.

Being a phase certainly made sense. Why else would Aki hold any interest in him? Ueno was realistic; he knew that while there was nothing really wrong with him, that he was nothing spectacular. He wasn't drop dead gorgeous or edgy, nor was he ethereally beautiful like Aki. He was smart, but not a genius by any standards, and he didn't possess any truly impressive talents. And until today, that hadn't bothered him in the slightest. His father had always said that Ueno was determined to be a jack of all trades but the master of none.

Ueno hadn't been a virgin when he'd met Aki, although he'd never slept with another man. Had he done something wrong? Had Aki been aware of inadequacies that Ueno hadn't yet realized? And in their time together messing around on Aki's bed earlier, had those inadequacies been brought back to Aki's attention?

Furthermore, why was he even giving Mira's words a second thought?

The answer came to him quickly; this one had been easy. Ueno was intimidated by him. Aki's ex-lover had been obnoxious, but Mira _had_ just had his feelings hurt by renewed rejection and disappointment, and those feelings had been enhanced in his drunkenness. While annoying, Mira didn't strike Ueno as being a liar. If Aki had been interested in Mira before, there was no reason why he couldn't be competition now. Mira had more experience than Ueno, and knew Aki and his family much more intimately.

Most important, Mira knew all of Aki's secrets, the ones he wasn't comfortable enough to tell Ueno. The ones he didn't trust Ueno enough to reveal.

Ueno stopped walking, a realization hitting him like a brick wall. Damn it, he _was_ ashamed. Ashamed and scared. That's why he couldn't wait to be alone. His lack of experience, his naïveté and childish ways of looking at life had never mortified him until now. He'd climbed out of bed feeling like a newbie starting an entry level position with no training that had just screwed up publicly. Mira was more thorough that Ueno once thought; he'd managed to reduce Ueno to an insecure mess with one small conversation.

He was deeply involved with someone he felt was out of his league. Why hadn't he realized it? And while Ueno was on the subject of realizations, why hadn't he figured out the reason behind his fear of disappointing Aki, of not being enough?

He spoke aloud in the darkness. "I'm in love with him. Crap."


	17. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Aki’s days were lacking if Ueno wasn't there to keep him company; bonding had been a seamless process, but being around Ueno had become as regular as blinking or breathing, so a day without him was noticeable.

So when Aki spent Saturday alone, he felt sort of hollow. Sure, he'd been an absolute pissant to his significant other on the phone and hung up on him to boot, but he'd expected Ueno to either drop by or try to call him back in order to hammer things out. Aki wasn't above an ignorant argument and no one should be; they were sometimes therapeutic.

At the very least, a circular argument was better than silence. The lack of communication was upsetting, considering his level of attachment.

Ueno always seemed to put Aki on a holier-than-thou pedestal, incapable of messing up and superior to others, which was maddening sometimes, as Aki had his own share of bad days and had never once considered himself better than anyone else. But Aki supposed he was guilty of the same, placing Ueno higher up, expecting him to always be diplomatic, reasonable, and calming.

Most of the time Ueno fit that bill accurately, but today was an exception.

His bedding had been replaced and his room was once again pristine; to hell with housekeeping's puzzled stares. It was early, but since he'd been up all day with next to no sleep the night before, Aki didn't see the point in staying up. Sleep would interrupt his boredom and anxiety.

He'd filled his day with insignificant tasks, such as tidying up his apartment unnecessarily and getting rid of his master's gifts. He'd fed his fish just a pinch of flakes, as the instructions on the canister indicated, and watched them dart to-and-fro while he lounged in bed. He ignored all phone calls after he checked his display and discovered they weren't from Ueno, remained quiet when anyone knocked on his door, and read more in one Saturday that he usually read within a week.

As the day progressed, he grew more and more incensed. Ueno had screwed everything up by running out on him and being inattentive in the aftermath of a very intimate encounter. Aki wasn't personally experienced in the ways of post-coital etiquette or morning after behavior, but he was aware of their existence. While he understood that sex hadn't taken place, it had been close enough, so the same rules should have applied.

That being said, a little cuddling after they both woke up would have been nice. A smile or a kiss would have sufficed as well. He was pretty sure running out was not the norm and Aki hadn't missed the way Ueno had tightened up when Aki touched him. And Ueno wasn't even apologizing. He was an oblivious fool and as a result, Aki had spent a day alone.

Being committed was stressful even though it was voluntary. Aki had always assumed that when it happened, all of his insecurities would vanish, but it appeared that just the opposite could occur. Everything Ueno did, every move, every thought, became more important, and attempting to read between lines became routine.

He wanted to know what Ueno had meant by being "confused". He wanted to know what had been running through Ueno's mind when he'd disappeared while Aki was showering. He needed to understand because if he didn't have those answers, he couldn't be positive that Ueno was all in. If Ueno wasn't serious, Aki needed to move on before he was too attached to deal. If Ueno was repulsed by what had taken place between the two of them, Aki wanted _, needed_ to know.

Aki briefly revisited the previous night in the bar sitting next to Mira, drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Mira had assessed Ueno quickly, fitting him into a specific category, which Aki had scoffed at initially. But what if Mira had pegged Ueno correctly and Aki was just a novelty that Ueno would reject once their relationship got too serious?

 _It might be a long night._ Aki crawled into bed, situating himself in the middle of the massive mattress and pulling the comforter up to his shoulders before curling into a ball. It was his normal spot, except Ueno normally occupied the right side, which was closest to the door.

He lay quietly, wishing for sleep and feeling the absence of Ueno's presence. It was a long time before his eyes closed, the battle between fatigue and irritation ending in a win for fatigue. The burning sensation underneath his eyelids intensified, and he slipped into slumber, despite his doubts of being able to rest.

Aki hadn't been asleep more than a couple of hours before he awoke as shouting and whooping reached his ears.

He had no defensive skills, but instinct took over as he rolled to the left, falling out of bed and colliding with the bedside table, causing the water in the lit aquarium to slosh from side to side.

He reached out and wrapped his fingers around the first thing they came in contact with, giving an extra yank as he met resistance, jumping to his feet and preparing to fling his weapon. As his sleep muddied brain began to process that someone was in his apartment uninvited, his heart began a rapid, rhythmic pounding and he was only able to think of one person.

He blinked as his unknown visitor flipped on the lights, and he hurled his weapon, where it hit the wooden doorframe and then the floor in several pieces, narrowly missing the two men who stood in the doorway.

Aki forgot to be relieved, even though he knew both men and neither of them were any danger to him, at least physically. He stood in open-mouthed indignation. "Wha- what are you _doing_ here? It's-" Aki had been prepared to check his bedside clock to tell them what time it was, but his clock had been his preferred weapon, and was now shattered in small pieces.

Neither man answered him. The one in front stared at him in befuddlement, while the other laughed quietly. Aki tried again, but addressed them individually the second time. "Ueno, what are you doing here?"

"I came to talk." Ueno was flushed and fidgety. "You're naked," he blurted out. "Why are you naked?"

Aki addressed the other party, who stood behind Ueno, shirtless. "And why are you here? How did you get in?"

Mira shrugged. "The door was unlocked."

"How long have you been here? _Why_ are you here?" He glanced at Ueno. "What was the yelling about?"

Ueno stepped forward. "I let myself in, and came to your room. I didn't know he was here until he popped up behind me."

"So you came in after him?" Aki's question was aimed at Mira.

"No. I was asleep on the couch, and I heard someone come in. I didn't know who he was, so I got up and followed him." He poked Ueno's side. "You're lucky I didn't hurt you."

Ueno rolled his eyes, swatting Mira's hand away. "So you decided to creep up on me ninja-style? Why are you here anyway?"

Aki stood, hands on his hips. "I'd like to know too."

"I spent the day in town and I didn't feel like going home tonight. I needed somewhere to sleep."

"You could have gotten a room and you already know that."

"I didn't want to cause any trouble." Mira scratched the back of his head, his gaze sweeping over Aki, his expression approving. "I figured I'd just stay here."

Ueno spoke again. "You're still naked. Why _are_ you naked?"

Aki's gaze slid from ex to current. "I was sleeping."

"So?"

"This is how I like to sleep." It made Ueno's blood boil before logic reminded him that he'd slept that very same way once or twice in his own apartment.

He'd never, however, stood completely naked in front of any of his significant others while any of his exes looked on with blatant interest.

"I've never seen you sleep like this."

"I thought that it would have made you uncomfortable. I was alone tonight, so..." Aki voiced his assumption gently, but Ueno didn't appear comforted.

"Put something on! Mira's _staring_ at your-"

"His _thing_? Don't worry," Mira piped up, patting Ueno's shoulder, his voice smug, "it isn't like I haven't seen it before. Clothes get in the way during sex, so we both preferred removing them. People in _adult_ relationships tend to see each other naked a lot. "

"You're not helping," Aki hissed, staring at Mira in horror.

Mira pushed his way past Ueno, entering the room and stopping at Aki's side. "What? Am I lying?"

"Is that the point?" Aki looked up at him, refusing to turn his head in Ueno's direction. "Go to the front desk and ask them to give you a room. Go home. Sleep in your car. I really don’t care, just go."

"I'll stay on the couch, and I'll be gone before you wake up. Why waste a room or resources?" Mira slung an arm around Aki's shoulders, his voice taking on a mock pleading tone. "I'll be good."

Ueno, who had been quietly stewing from his position just inside the doorway, sprang into action, stomping into the bedroom, yanking the comforter from the bed, and shoving Mira to the side. "Do you _mind_?" He draped the heavy covering around Aki's shoulders, overlapping the ends.

Aki allowed himself to be covered; if he hadn't been so involved in conversation, he may have considered doing it himself.

Mira crossed his arms. "Ueno, what are you so worried about? I told you I've seen Aki naked before."

"That doesn't mean you can see him now!"

"That's not up to you. I used to see him like this all the time. So are you better than me now, just because you get to call him your boyfriend? Does that little perk make you feel all high and mighty?"

Ueno shook his head. "I don't know about that, but I guess the boyfriend title does mean that I don't have to sneak into his apartment in the middle of the night." Then, as an afterthought, he spoke again. “And beg Aki to let me stay even after he tells me to leave.”

Mira flushed, irked by the insult, but the embarrassment didn't stop him from pushing the issue a step further. "I didn't want to wake him up. And he’s only irritated because I’m hurting his delicate boyfriend’s little feelings."

"Of course you wanted to keep quiet." Ueno began herding Aki toward the bathroom. "Or else he'd have told you to get lost, like he just did."

"Well, don't let that title make you feel _too_ secure. Aki and I never used labels; only insecure little boys who need constant reassurance really need them."

Aki clutched at his blanket, groaning softly, knowing he should do something, but he had never been able to effectively stop Mira from doing anything he wanted. He stood still, feeling useless as Mira, long winded and audacious, finished.

"I didn't come here to start any trouble. Anyway, I'll let you two _talk_. Goodnight. I'll be on the couch." With a cheerful wave, Mira left the bedroom.

"Wait here, Ueno. Let me get dressed and I’ll deal with Mira. Please, just wait." Holding the blanket between stiff fingers, he somehow made his way to his dresser, producing a change of clothing, and barricaded himself in the bathroom.

He locked the door, letting his comforter slip off his shoulders and pool around his feet, staring into the mirror. His face, neck, and shoulders were blotchy, evidence of a deep blush that was beginning to fade.

Well, at least Ueno hadn't let him down. Aki had found it unbelievable that after their phone conversation that Ueno hadn't tried to contact him. They were both to blame, but Aki couldn't bring himself to call and he'd been too uneasy to pop up at Ueno's for an impromptu visit.

Aki was inept. He hadn't even attempted to make Mira stop, but he never could. His darn soft spot was at work again and now, alone in his bathroom, Aki was all too aware of the error in letting Mira run his mouth unchecked. He hadn't been goading some random stranger; he was disrespecting someone Aki cared for. He was sure if the tables were turned, Ueno would have intervened. Aki was supposed to speak up and stop the issue's progression.

He may experience issues apologizing for his own errors, but at the very least, he had to apologize for Mira's and try to reverse any damage his unwelcome guest had created. He hurriedly pulled on his clothes and ran a hand through his sleep-tousled hair before yanking open the bathroom door.

Aki took a deep breath, holding it in and willing himself not to panic when he found his bedroom empty. He opened the door, which had been closed while he dressed, and swept his gaze over the living area.

The only sight that greeted him was that of Mira, reclined carelessly across the couch cushions. The living area was now bathed in soft light, television on. His coffee table was littered with beer cans, and Aki inhaled and identified cigarette smoke.

Mira looked up as Aki stepped out of his bedroom. "Decided to join me? You didn't need clothes for that."

"Mira." The warning tone was unmistakable.

Mira flashed an enigmatic, crooked smile, reached into his shirt pocket, and fished out an engraved lighter, flipping back the lid.

Aki watched, irritation building. Why was he simply standing there while Mira did as he pleased? And why had he simply watched while Mira had insulted Ueno?

The situation continued to get worse. Aki marched towards the couch, snatching the lit cigarette from Mira's lips, and then made his way to the kitchen sink, twisting the knob to engage the tap, dousing the stinky thing.

Mira sat, eyebrows raised. "Smoking is not allowed, I'm guessing."

"Correct." Aki tossed the waterlogged butt into the garbage. "Why are you here- really?"

"I needed a place to crash."

"You don't live that far. I see beer, and it's obvious you've been smoking. How long have you been here?" Aki opened his front door to let the room air out more quickly before returning to the kitchen.

"Aren't you more interested in where your little crybaby went?"

Aki took another deep breath, and decided honesty was best. "Of course, but I'm not in the mood to pry the information out of you. I'm sure he's headed back to his apartment anyway."

Mira busied himself gathering up empty cans, carrying them into the kitchen, where Aki remained. "You're not going after him?"

Aki refused to answer Mira's question directly, switching gears. "Do you care? You've been trying your hardest to chase him away."

"You got me pegged down pretty well."

Aki, hand braced on the countertop, carefully chose his words before speaking. "I understand why you're upset with me, but not him. I should have at least called, but I couldn't."

"You hate me?" Mira leaned against the counter, staring at nothing in particular.

"Of course not." Aki's replied, quietly ferocious. "I don't hate you, or dislike you, or anything like that."

"So why did you ignore me? Why don't you want to acknowledge me? Why are you treating me like I'm such a nuisance now?"

"It's not because I hate you." Aki realized he'd been both expecting and dreading the possibility of having this conversation since he'd left his master. "You've always treated me well."

"Why, then? Why didn't you come back home instead of moving in here?"

"A couple of reasons." Aki left the kitchen, approaching the armchair he preferred to occupy, waiting for Mira to seat himself before elaborating. Mira followed him, lying back on the couch and propping his feet on the armrest.

"First," Aki began, crossing his legs, "I just wanted to be left alone for a while. And I couldn't go home right way. When I came here, I was really banged up, so I wasn't in any condition to see my parents. I called home, and my mom told me that my dad was out of town. I called his cel and we arranged everything over the phone, while he was away on business. The apartment was prepared for me that night, after we agreed on some terms."

"How badly did he beat you?"

"Badly enough that I had to go to the hospital. Bruises and cuts, a black eye and a twisted arm. I know the staff noticed; they had to. But my dad never mentioned it, so maybe they didn't tell him." Aki watched Mira carefully, sensing his anger and attempting to diffuse it. "It could have been much worse, and I'm fine now, for the most part."

"But he was never rough with you before. He's an asshole, but he'd never beaten you, not that I ever noticed, anyway. He treated you like some breakable souvenir.” Mira heaved himself upright, raking fingers through his hair in agitation. “I never understood why you let him take you over like that, why you never asked for help! What made him want to hurt you?"

"I smarted off to him." Aki smiled in recollection. "I'd had enough."

"What did he do that brought you to your senses?"

"What Ueno did, you mean." Aki said, sighing. “I met him, and something changed.”

Mira narrowed his eyes, lifting his head to face Aki directly. "Everyone assumed you met him at school, after you moved here. So you met him while you were living with the old guy?"

Aki nodded.

"And Ueno knows about your relationship with him?"

Aki nodded again. "He knows enough to be dangerous."

"Aki, you'd better start talking."

He wanted to come clean to someone, and Mira already knew of every incident that had led up to him living with his master. However, even though he'd be the easiest- and probably only person to confide in, Aki hesitated.

"You have to agree," Aki murmured, "not to talk to Ueno about this. Not even as a joke, to be obnoxious, or as a way to get back at me. You can't repeat this."

"You've covered all bases. I swear." Mira held up a hand, his reply solemn. "But hold on. I think I'm going to need a beer."

"You’d better bring a couple."

Explaining his year with emphasis on his final day of servitude, as well what had taken place earlier that same day took less time than Aki had expected. Mira listened quietly and asked a minimum of questions, which made his retelling quick and easy. Since Mira knew him so well, inquiries weren't necessary and while he expressed indignation and sadness over Aki's life with his master up to his last day, he did it quietly. Knowing Aki had left him jaded, and very little of the new shocked him. Aki also understood that the enormity of that year wouldn't really hit Mira until later, when he'd had time to think things over.

When it was over, they both sat in their respective seats, lost in their own thoughts. During their conversation, Aki did observe the smug expression that had graced Mira's features seemed dissipate, replaced by a worried, almost pained look.

Aki sat back. "Tell me I'm crazy."

"I can't." Mira looked at his warm, full can of beer. "I wish I could say you're crazy, and I wish it was easier to hate Ueno, but I can't do that either- not now." He laughed. "He's more of a stud than I thought. I couldn't stop you from going with him, but all Ueno had to do was sleep with you. He managed, without words, to convince you to leave. I'm a little impressed."

"You don't think I'm chasing someone I have no right to care for?"

"I don't know what to think. But speaking from personal experience, it's difficult to argue with someone in love." Mira stood. "All I can say is that you should have called him by now, or followed him home. The more time you give him to think, the worse things will get. He stormed out of here, which I'm sure that's mainly my fault. But if he thinks you don't care enough to stop him, it won't matter who he's upset with."

"You’re being really nice about him all of a sudden. I thought it might be better to leave him alone until I see him at school on Monday." Aki didn't argue with Mira in regards to his other comment. Mira was rather sharp, and it was useless to refute it, especially since Aki had come to the same realization himself.

"Maybe. I don't know much about him, except that he has a luxurious, kissable, soft mouth."

Aki wondered how Mira got that out with a straight face. Perhaps because it wasn't a lie. He could vouch for that.

"But I do know that the combination of what happened over the last couple of days, along with being left alone to assume the worst may not work in your favor. Besides, I think you're just scared."

"Why would _you_ tell me to talk to him?" Aki watched, confused at the helpful attitude Mira had assumed so quickly.

"Because you were honest with me, which is all I really wanted, and being a pain in the ass isn't going to change anything. Because even though you haven't said so, I can tell you've made your decision, and it's obviously what you want. You have to call him and put some work of your own into this."

"It's too late for that." Aki replied quickly, brushing aside the idea.

"Yeah, but you should still do it. What are you more afraid of, the possibility that he won't answer, or that he actually will? Inconveniencing each other without having to worry about consequences is one of the perks of dating, isn't it? Call him now, before it gets any later. I'll go outside and have a smoke while you're doing it. I’m dying for one anyway." Mira wriggled into the t-shirt that had been lying discarded along the back of the couch, and then grabbed his jacket. "I'll take my time."

It took Aki a few moments to stand after Mira left the apartment, but deciding his sudden ally was correct, he went to his bedroom and sat down in the middle of the mattress, phone in hand. After a couple of tries, he managed to initiate the call and he held the phone to his ear. He actually was fearful that Ueno would answer, and he'd have to try to explain himself.

And now, on the seventh ring, Aki was again confused. Was he relieved that Ueno wasn't answering, or disappointed? Reaching voicemail, Aki pressed the disconnect button roughly and tossed the phone aside. He should have known better. Ueno had to be asleep by now.

Or ignoring him.

Aki flopped down, spread eagled, and closed his eyes. Things had progressed from bad to worse, and he was to blame. Why couldn't he have just told Ueno how he really felt, what he was really afraid of? After all, even if he was afraid that Ueno would confirm his assumptions, it had to be better to know.

Shortly after, he heard his front door open and heavy footsteps approach his bedroom.

"Any luck?"

"No answer."

"He's probably asleep. At least he'll see that you tried. I'm sure you'll be able to reach him later."

Aki scrubbed a hand over his tired eyes. "Yeah."

Monday came slowly. As it had turned out, Ueno had been unreachable all day Sunday.

Aki wasn't into stalking or being pushy, but he called several times throughout the day, until he couldn't deny the fact that Ueno was either extremely busy or didn't want to speak to him. Fairly positive it was the latter, Aki had given up.

As promised, Mira had vacated the living room by the time Aki had woken for the day, and he was disappointed, since Mira had actually behaved like an adult for the remainder of his visit and had given sound advice. By Sunday evening, the remainder of the birthday party stragglers had cleared out, and he'd been able to avoid everyone successfully.

Aki was relieved that the weekend had finally come to a close. The sheer multitude of people, events, misunderstandings, arguments and disappointments had left him frazzled. He didn't need the added irritation, not with the outcome of his Monday still shaky. He had sat as patiently through his classes as possible, his thoughts centered on what could occur in the early afternoon, but disappointment reigned as he realized Ueno wasn't waiting for him.

His disappointment was quickly replaced by anger. How far was Ueno willing to go? Should he go to Ueno's house and demand entry, or hoof it across campus and stick his head into every doorway? He'd been wary of speaking to him, but now that he was positive he was being avoided, his ire rose.

There was a possibility that Aki found difficult to voice; that it really was over, but Ueno was too afraid to just come out and say so. But if that was the case, Aki wanted to hear it with his own ears. He stood awkwardly in the doorway of the break room, not hungry, and unwilling to sit there alone like a jilted loser to kill his break time.

He turned on his heel, intending to step back outside, and almost collided with a student attempting to enter.

"Excuse me." Aki said, not meaning it.

"Sorry. I tried to slide past you, but you moved."

Aki lifted his head and when he recognized exactly who he was speaking to, he perked up, forcing a smile.

The other student appeared to have the same reaction, and urged the girl he was entering with ahead of him. "You're friends with Ueno, huh? Aki, right?"

Aki nodded. "And you're Haruki."

"That's me, though I prefer Haru. Nice to finally meet you. I see you around lot, but Ueno's never had us meet up."

Forgetting his manners, which would have instructed him to return Haru's niceties, Aki got straight to the point. "Speaking of Ueno, have you seen him today?"

"Oh, yeah. Just saw him leave class. We usually walk here together, but he said that he was gonna skip lunch and study."

"Study where?" Aki's eyes narrowed.

"The library. He hauled ass like he couldn't get there fast enough. Didn't look good, either. He probably shouldn't even be here today, but that idiot never takes a day off. He’s a beast. Eventually, though, it always catches up to him; he puts his immune system through the wringer at least once a semester."

 _Huh?_ "You're right. Ueno is most definitely an idiot." Aki pushed past Ueno's friend, tossing a careless "thanks" over his shoulder. He abandoned his standard lackadaisical stroll, fuming as he hauled his own ass across campus towards the library. _Sorry, but I let you hide long enough._

At his current stride, it didn't take Aki long to reach the building and he flung open the double doors, storming through the lobby to another set of doors that allowed him to enter the library. He cursed, stopped to fish around in his wallet for his pass, almost dropping it in his haste before swiping it over the sensor and pushing through the turnstile.

The front of the library was impossibly quiet and virtually empty, so Aki immediately stalked the length of a set of shelving, then turned left and began his search, glancing from left to right as he passed each aisle.

Aki's initial search was a bust. He reminded himself that Haru said Ueno wanted to study, and if that was true, he most likely didn't need to browse through books and periodicals; he was probably sitting down somewhere.

Not sure what to say once he finally did find Ueno but determined to locate him regardless, Aki abandoned the aisles and approached a small, closed in area marked for quiet studying.

Every table was empty except for one. The table was small and square, with enough room for one chair on each side. Two chairs were empty. One held a messenger bag, while a body that Aki identified as belonging to Ueno occupied the other. A notebook lay open, Ueno's arms folded on top of it, his face buried in his arms, and only his thick mop of dark hair visible.

Now that his target had been located, Aki stood, frozen with indecision, the anger he'd just felt not quite gone, but wavering. His relief at just being able to see him almost dominated his scattered emotions. After a moment of thought, he gathered himself, quietly made his way to the table and paused before slamming his books onto the table surface.

Aki had meant to surprise him, not scare him to death, but the result was still very satisfying. Ueno sprang into action, sitting up straight and knocking several books to the floor in his panic. It took a moment before he noticed he wasn't alone; he looked ahead, brown locking with crimson before he groaned and resumed his previous position.

"Hi."

Ueno responded with a muffled, "Hello".

"You must have been very busy; I tried to call you a few times this weekend, you know. Or maybe you lost your phone. Was that it, hmm?"

Another low groan was Ueno's only reply. Aki sank into the closest empty chair.

"Do you hate me now? Is that why you won’t talk to me?"

"No."

"Are you angry with me?" Aki spoke softly. "Is that why you're ignoring me?"

"No."

"So are you denying that you're avoiding me?"

"No."

Aki was unsure of what approach to take. Ueno wasn't angry with him and didn't hate him, but didn't want to speak to him? "You don't want to see or talk to me, but you're not upset with me? Do you just not want to be with me anymore?"

Another groan. "Yes."

Aki paled. "Yes, I'm correct?"

"No!" The words, whispered loudly from the cavern of his folded arms, were convincing nonetheless.

Crossing his arms, Aki was at a loss at how to proceed. He contemplated what questions to ask that could be responded to in a "yes" or "no" format and would give him to answers he desired, but his musings were interrupted when Ueno moved.

Ueno's face emerged. He pillowed his cheek on his arms, and although Aki could only see half of his face, he noticed how drained he appeared. Without thinking, Aki scooted his chair closer, patting Ueno's head sympathetically. Slowly, the pats became strokes, and Aki found himself running his fingers gently through the other man's hair, an act that had brought him so much comfort when Ueno did it. His scalp was extremely warm to the touch, and the cheek he could see was deeply flushed, though Ueno closed his visible eye and leaned into Aki's hand.

"You look terrible." Aki said, his words uncensored and bald. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"I love you." Ueno blurted mournfully.

While Aki watched, his heartbeat thundering in his throat, Ueno again buried his face in his arms, not reacting when several more books, a pen, and Ueno's cellular phone fell from the table. Aki balanced himself on his knees, resting part of his upper body on the table surface and blanketing his pitiful boyfriend with the rest.

"Yeah?" Aki whispered.

"Yeah." The muffled affirmation came from somewhere below.

Ueno remained hunched over the table- he had no choice now with the added weight, but with noticeably less stress in his form, like the air whooshing out of a slashed tire. Aki was able to both hear and feel him heave a sigh that carried along with it a load of tension and anxiety. Eventually a hand wiggled its way to freedom and reached upward, finding Aki's head and beginning a very gentle, familiar caress.

Ueno was slumped in his chair, arm curved in a deviated arch, his fingers embedded in soft, silvery hair. Aki, backside up in the air and on proud display for anyone lucky enough to pass by, draped himself across Ueno's back, nuzzling the soft cotton of the dark haired man's clothing.

"I love you too." Aki murmured into Ueno's t-shirt, repeatedly kissing whatever was closest, which just happened to be the area between Ueno's shoulder blades. Eventually Aki closed his eyes and relaxed into his position, thankful the area was abandoned. He was aware of how ridiculous the two of them appeared, and relieved there were no bystanders to interrupt.

Aki noted that it wasn't the most romantic declaration of adoration, nor the most well timed.

Before giddiness overcame him, however, Aki surmised that the one thing that he and Ueno were currently _not,_ hadn't been since they met, and would probably _never_ be as long as they were together, was normal.

Then happiness actually did take over and Aki ceased to ponder altogether.


	18. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Ueno, as known by nearly everyone familiar with him, never let much bother him to the point of distraction, and was typically, at the very least, _okay_ with most situations, no matter how weird.

Aki supposed that as far as the two of them were concerned, Ueno's attitude was a plus. It made him more resilient and accepting; a lesser man would never have endured what Ueno had. Aki knew he wouldn't be able to blame Ueno if he had decided to bolt, but that wonderful personality was responsible for his ability to see the positive in their situation, and he hadn't run yet. As Aki understood things now, Ueno had only retreated to a corner to lick his wounds.

That in itself was amazing, since there were so many things wrong with their situation, things that Aki wouldn't expect anyone to accept or ignore, no matter how in love the person was. As of yet, the two of them had reached no conclusions and hadn't spoken of the weekend. That headache could wait a minute. Aki was satisfied for the time being, and confident that they would be able to move forward; Ueno wouldn't have confessed otherwise.

Aki had more important matters to focus on, the most crucial being to get Ueno the hell out of the library and in a more private location.

Not that Aki was uncomfortable with things as they were now. At some point, Aki had moved, balanced on the end of the wooden desk, legs parted and dangling from the edge. Ueno remained in his chair, but after disregarding his initial bashfulness he pressed himself close, arms wound loosely around Aki's hips, his eyes tightly shut and his face pressed gently against the flat, taut surface of Aki's belly.

Aki's fingers were busy; they roamed wherever fate guided them; over Ueno's cheeks and forehead when he occasionally lifted his head, through his hair, stroking his shoulders, lightly massaging his back, or ghosting over the nape of his neck. He curled protectively over the one he loved, a rare occasion for him to offer comfort.

He was enjoying the rare moment of quiet, blissful closeness, but they couldn't remain silent forever. At some point, they were going to have to address everything, not only that weekend. Aki took a deep breath before beginning. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything." Aki spoke quietly.

Ueno tilted his head back, and their eyes met. "Why were you mad at me?"

"When I was with Mira Friday night," Aki began, cupping Ueno's cheek when he scowled at the mention of Mira, "he hinted at the possibility of you only being with me as some sort of novelty."

"It's been weeks, and I haven't changed my mind, so would you mind explaining that?"

Aki sighed again, embarrassed at his previous assumption and reluctant to reveal it. "That maybe you were having fun with me because it was something different, but you weren't really serious. That once you realized that things had gone too far, that you'd decide that enough was enough.

"And you thought I wanted out? Why?"

"Saturday morning," Aki stared down at Ueno, his expression almost accusing, "you didn't want me to touch you. And when you called later, you said that you were confused."

"I _was_ confused about what happened, but not about you. And you were right about me being ashamed, but not in the way that you think. I don't know if I can explain it without sounding stupid."

Aki leaned back, balancing his weight on his hands while Ueno rested his head on one of his jean clad thighs. "It's okay if you sound stupid. I'd like to know."

"I talked to Mira too, but you already knew that. I thought things were good up until then. Other than telling me that you'd never dated anyone before, I don't think he told me anything I didn't already know, just some stuff I think I was trying to ignore."

"Such as?"

"That you're beautiful."

"Thank you. So are you." Aki patted the top of Ueno's head.

"No, I mean it. Compare a mutt and purebred or junior varsity and varsity. Wait, those are terms that made sense to me. Um… hold on…."

Aki sighed, tilting his head backward and staring at the ceiling at Ueno's cheesy comparisons. "I got both of them, Ueno. What you're trying to tell me is that I'm somehow higher up than you, that you don't measure up."

"Something like that."

"That's awful, not to mention completely untrue." Aki sat up straight. "Do you actually believe that?"

"I didn't until Friday night. When he told me that I couldn't understand you the way he did, that your cousin was more my type, and that I was too straight-edged to be your type, it made me think." His voice lowered. "I think I believed him. After all, I'd never been with a guy before you, and my experiences don't add up to a fraction of yours."

"Did that matter to you when I came up to you that day? Or when we were together Friday night, or all the other times you stayed with me?" Aki curled over him again, a bit bewildered by Ueno's admission, but comforted all the same since they were based on fear instead of dislike or disgust. He recalled Ueno apologizing to him that night, saying that he felt like a kid and now understood what he'd meant, and why Ueno immediately grew embarrassed each time Aki paid him a compliment or was overly affectionate.

"I didn't let myself think about it, but then I started wondering if maybe _I_ was the novelty, you know? And then I got worried about things, like whether or not I'd be able to sa- whether or not I'd be enough. Friday night I let Mira embarrass me in front of everyone, and again on Saturday night when he said the things he did. On Saturday morning, I woke up and I felt so stupid about what we'd done."

"Why did what happened bother you so much?"

Ueno shrugged. "I felt like a little kid; I had no idea what I was doing and it didn't end the way that I'm sure you wanted it to. I don't have any experience, and I-"

"Ueno." Aki couldn't listen to anymore, not right then. "You didn't seem this insecure when we first met." Aki inched forward until his feet hit the floor, and Ueno pushed back his chair before standing.

"What about you?" Ueno returned, but his voice was soft, the joking tone unmistakable. "Where's the Aki that I met again at school that first day?"

Aki thought back to their reunion, of Ueno's stammering while he was groped in the lunchroom, and then smirked. "Oh, _that_ Aki? He was just trying to be considerate, but he's still here." He refrained from admitting that the other Aki had been just as scared as Ueno and reached down, zeroing in on the desired area without fail. He secretly took delight in the small yelp that burst from his boyfriend's lips as he firmly palmed Ueno over his jeans.

"Listen." Aki released Ueno's package and stepped forward before he could run, pressing himself close and clasping his fingers around Ueno's waist. Their noses brushed. "You're intelligent, beautiful, kind, and experienced in what's important." What Ueno lacked could be learned, and the same went for Aki.

"And you should never look at yourself as lesser than anyone, especially me." He punctuated his statement by tilting his head to initiate their first kiss in days.

It was time to nip this conversation in the bud for the time being. "Do you work tonight?"

"Yeah, but I don't start until six." Ueno looked at him quizzically, his cheeks flaming. "Why?"

"What time is it?"

Ueno removed a hand from Aki's waist, checking his watch. "It's after noon now. I'm late for my next class."

"That's a shame." Aki smiled sweetly. "But since you've already been bad, why don't you make a day of it?"

"You mean blow off the rest of my classes?"

"Label it however you like, Ueno."

"Where are we going?" He watched Aki as he began collecting all of Ueno's fallen items and placing them back onto the desk.

"I don't care." Aki opened Ueno's bag, stuffing it with his supplies. "Your place is fine with me. It’s a faster trip from here."

"O-okay. But I do have to work today."

"You said you had until six. We have plenty of time. Unless you'd rather not."

"I didn't say that." Ueno protested.

"Good. When you're off, you're coming to my place, so you need to go home to get your things anyway."

"You're the boss." Ueno's good nature had returned full force. He simply took the offered bag Aki held out and slid the strap over his head. "I'm ready."

They vacated their secluded corner in much better spirits, leaving the library and campus behind.

"So," Aki began, attempting to initiate small talk, "how was your weekend otherwise?"

"It wasn't worth mentioning." Ueno's reply was succinct.

"Tell me anyway."

"It wasn't the greatest. I saw my mom, though. She asked about you, and I had to promise her to invite you over next time. It was hard to sleep and I had stuff on my mind, so I did a ton of homework.

"Why weren't you able to sleep?"

"The people above me partied pretty hard this weekend, and my bed is beginning to feel kind of foreign." Ueno flushed again. "Besides, I got used to sleeping next to you."

Aki smiled, smugly. "So in a nutshell, you missed me. That's sweet."

"I do miss your elbow in my ribs, but I'm not sure how I feel about waking up to you using my ass as a punching bag." Ueno teased him cheerfully.

They walked side-by-side, not quite holding hands; Aki's fingers brushed against Ueno's with each step, but it wasn’t enough.

"I missed everything."

Ueno didn't look in his direction, but the next time their hands came into contact he held on, and they continued on their way to his apartment, fingers hooked together.

They were both silent the remainder of the walk, up the apartment steps, and while Ueno clumsily selected the correct key from his ring. He pushed open the door and stood back to allow Aki entrance first, grateful that he had left the heat running when he'd left for class. The temperature had been steadily dropping as winter approached and Aki grew cold easily, but it wouldn't take him long to warm up. He'd been running late and let a lot go begging when he'd left for the day; he'd forgotten to open his curtains, left the heater on, and the television sounded softly. Very unlike him, he realized.

Ueno flipped on the lights as opposed to letting in the natural light and leaned against the closed door, gesturing towards the couch. "Go ahead."

"Are you coming with me?" Aki set his books on the table. "The couch is big enough for both of us."

Ueno didn't understand the quip immediately, but when he did, he reddened for the umpteenth time that afternoon. "Yeah." He didn't move until Aki took pity on him, returning to the entryway and taking Ueno's hand.

Ueno was led across the living room, feeling very much like a child on his first day of class. He was urged to sit, which he did obediently and folded his hands over his kneecaps, not sure of how to proceed.

Aki sat next to him, not at all put out by Ueno's behavior, as their afternoon discussion had cleared up his fears and he understood the reason behind Ueno's unease. He bit down a smile when Ueno immediately stood again, striding into the small kitchen.

"I know you skipped lunch, and you never eat breakfast. Can I make you something?"

"I'm not hungry, but thank you."

"Do you want something to drink?" Ueno's voice held a note of desperation, as if he was pleading for Aki to give him a task to complete. "Water? Tea? Do you want coffee? I don't drink it, but I have some."

"No, thank you." The smile was becoming difficult to hide.

"Are you cold? Do you need me to turn up the heat? You're always cold, and I don't have the heat on very high."

"You're very hospitable, but no; I don't need anything." Aki teased, pushing himself out of his seat, padding on his socked feet to Ueno's side. "Just sit with me."

Aki turned Ueno, and then placed both hands on his shoulders, pushing him back towards the living area. Ueno dropped into his seat heavily, and Aki arranged himself again, crossing his legs at the knee and giving Ueno a sidelong glance.

"What are you so nervous about? I didn't have any ulterior motive for suggesting that we come back here. I promise that I'm not planning to devour you." He watched as Ueno bowed his head. "What's wrong?"

"Sorry. Feeling a little stupid again."

"Well, don't." Aki rested a pale hand on Ueno's knee. "I love you, remember?" Now that the seal had been broken, Aki was sure he'd never grow weary of saying it, especially if Ueno needed to hear it.

"I love you too." Ueno took a deep breath, leaned back, and took Aki's hand in his own.

"Then relax." Aki shifted, squeezing Ueno's fingers and reclining as well, head tilted to the side so he could observe Ueno comfortably.

As they both sat there, silently gazing at one another, Ueno repeated to himself that this was Aki, and after that afternoon, he no longer had a reason for nervousness. He did as Aki instructed, although it was unconscious. His limbs grew heavy as his tension eased, his body settling into the couch.

"Are you sure it's okay if you miss your classes today?" Ueno had no idea where the question came from, but the words had been spoken before he could think of something smooth.

He saw Aki shut his eyes briefly, as if requesting strength.

After a flurry of movement involving a tangle of arms and legs that Ueno found difficult to follow, he was pushed further into the couch, one of Aki's legs on either side of his thighs, knees gently squeezing his hips. He didn't recall moving at all himself, but his fingers grasped lightly at Aki's hips, most likely a reflexive shift of Ueno's extremities. That had to be it.

The fit was perfect, or the next best thing. Ueno looked upward as Aki looked down, and he was unable to resist a lame wisecrack. "What happened to your promise of not devouring me?"

"I promised that devouring you wasn't the plan. This wasn't premeditated. I _could_ move, if you like."

"Hell, no." Ueno said quickly, without a second or even first thought.

"I hope you're sure." Aki pressed their foreheads together. "If I have to hunt you down again, I may have to kill you."

"That reminds me… how did you find me anyw-"

Ueno had no opportunity to inhale before his question and air supply were cut off, and he was only able to suck in small puffs of air each time Aki drew back. Lucky for his lips but not for his lungs

Kisses like this were few and far between; they were both too uneasy and too considerate of non-existent issues to engage in this type of play often. Their confessions of that afternoon leveled out the field, bringing both of their comfort levels to an amicable equilibrium.

Ueno could admit it now, at least to himself; with a few exceptions, he'd been reluctant to initiate this type of contact. Realistically, he hadn't expected Aki to laugh at his infantile attempts at intimacy, but that didn't mean Aki couldn't have inwardly scoffed at them. Even now he was tentative, but slowly, with each brush of Aki's lips, he became surer. Leaning back, mostly accepting the kiss, he eventually became a participant, until he was straining upward and returning Aki's indulgent attentions.

Internal admissions faded and thoughts receded. There was no sweet prelude, not this time. The background noise from his forgotten television did nothing to disguise the occasional moan, intermittent panting, or rustling of clothes rearranged by tenderly meandering fingers.

Locomotion, not choreographed, guided his body. Ueno heaved upward with his hips, temporarily lifting both of their masses before he landed, shifting his rear toward the end of the couch. Ueno gripped Aki's hips and pulled him forward, forcing them solidly together. Aki tore his mouth away, and a short, broken whine reached Ueno's ears.

Ueno's eyes flew open at the foreign sound. "I’m sorry, Aki. Did that hurt?"

"No."

"But you-"

Slender arms grasped Ueno's shoulders and an elegant, straight nose nuzzled his own. "It felt nice." Aki whispered, "'If anything hurts, I'll be sure to tell you."

Ueno's arms encircled Aki's ribcage and he threw caution to the wind before he swallowed his own foot and ruined the moment. The recesses of his mind took note that despite his fears, his body knew what it wanted, and proceeded nicely if his brain didn't mediate.

No kiss, even their first, could measure up. Two tongues teased and coiled, first unhurried and lazy, steadily growing hectic and firm, transforming into a forceful, hungry caress. Lips moved with enough force to bruise, teeth nipped while tongues glided uncontrolled, creating moisture that couldn't be confined to their mouths.

Aki shivered as his t-shirt was shoved upward and Ueno's fingers roamed over soft flesh in caresses that bordered on painful. Aki couldn't ask him to stop, because almost wasn't quite there, didn't count, and that gray area between almost and pain was wonderful.

If Ueno had been thinking, he would have been frightened of his own actions, at the way he almost ruined Aki's t-shirt as he gripped the hem, crumpling and winding the material around his hands before jerking upward.

Aki drew back and raised his arms before he lost one of them, and his top was dropped over the back of the couch. He used the opportunity to gulp in some air, but it whooshed from his lungs when a tickling sensation, created by Ueno's fingers, skittered across his abdominal muscles.

The confinement of his jeans was released. With trembling fingers, Ueno first bested the belt buckle, then opened the oversize button and fumbled with the zipper, sliding it down with a muted purr. Aki balanced himself on his knees to allow removal, but neither of them had put much thought into their dual attempt. Ueno hooked his fingers into Aki's belt loops and began to tug, huffing when the denim wouldn't slide past mid-thigh.

It didn't occur to Aki that his spread thighs were thwarting Ueno's efforts. He gasped, closing his eyes when Ueno released the band of his jeans and grabbed at his waist instead. A dizzying second later, he fell back against pillowed armrest of the couch and Ueno continued pulling at his clothing.

Aki leaned back, vision hazy, offering no complaint. He was able to think more clearly while his lips were free. As Ueno worked Aki's jeans down over his calves, Aki was struck at the reversal of roles. For one, Ueno had participated readily during their first encounter together, but Aki had really been the one in charge. The day they had met, as well as today, all Ueno seemed to need was a small amount of encouragement, a tiny prod. After his engine had been started, he was off and running, and this time, he was assuming the dominant role, even if it was without his knowledge. Aki was most definitely a man, but there was something sweetly maddening about being handled, being on the receiving end.

How could Ueno have agonized over whether or not he could satisfy another person? Aki focused on the figure above him, who had dropped Aki's jeans to the floor and loomed over him again.

 _Unbalanced._ That was the word bouncing around in Aki's head as he stared up at the man he loved. He was near naked with the exception of his snug shorts, while Ueno remained fully dressed. Aki set about resolving that issue immediately, jerking both Ueno's sweatshirt and t-shirt up together. Ueno, reddening all the while, assisted and they fell to the floor, on top of Aki's jeans.

Aki hadn't yet moved to Ueno's pants before the dark haired man lowered himself, covering Aki in soothing heat. He forgot his mission as his lower body sprang into existence. Warm fingers surged up his side, only to descend, repeating the motion while Aki adjusted to the position.

It was Ueno's turn to command, and Aki found himself unable to try or even want to escape his tyranny.

Aki trembled uncontrollably. His thoughts fell apart after the hand that had been caressing his side stopped at his hip after one last descent, then drifted over the crease of his thigh. Rough fingers slipped into the waistband of his shorts, finding the object of their search unerringly.

Aki hissed as Ueno traced the length of him, unabashed, past caring.

Ueno raised his head. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

"Do you want to die?" Aki huffed.

"You’re so sweet." But Ueno shut up, nuzzling Aki's jaw and curving his fingers, caressing him solidly, ironically reassured by his boyfriend's death threat.

It was unbelievably good and distracting, but Aki, previously immobilized, somehow remembered his plan and found the strength and willpower to put his hands into motion. He felt ragged breathing against his jaw as he fought with Ueno's pants, popping open the button and sliding down the zipper with a hurried jerk of his wrist.

His shoved the stiff material from Ueno's hips, but that was as far as he was able to go. Ueno's fingers disappeared and he suddenly dropped, and they were in direct contact; belly to belly, chest to chest, and most importantly, groin to groin.

Aki attempted to raise himself on his forearms unsuccessfully, but the shift forced his pelvic region upward. The slide of one erection against another caused both men to freeze. They stared each other down for a drawn out, tension filled moment before Ueno, unable to remain inert any longer, braced himself before pulling his lower body away and returning in a surging motion.

Aki's eyes widened, and a sound, hovering somewhere between a moan and a cry, escaped. He raised his knees, his feet seeking support from the couch, and lifted himself, returning the favor. A foreign warbling tumbled from Ueno's lips, and he knew the two of them had just stumbled upon something too interesting to disregard.

An exchange akin to a slow volleying ensued, until they both began thrusting and kissing in earnest. Courtesies were ignored and their actions were solely related to the pursuit of their own individual gratification. The knowledge that something traditionally more satisfying was just around the corner was disregarded; they were too close to fulfillment to consider necessary steps toward a more powerful culmination.

Mostly. Without understanding, Aki yanked at the waistband of Ueno's jeans, viciously scrabbling to remove them at any cost. He didn't ponder the reason; Aki just needed them o _ff._ An unfettered, keening sound filled the living room, followed by his lover's name. "Ueno."

Ueno was loathe to stop, but understood, lifting his weight with difficulty. He stood, and Aki raised himself into a seated position, reaching out and jerking Ueno's pants to his ankles. Ueno stepped out of them, shedding his socks along the way.

"Come on." Ueno reached down and wrapped his fingers around Aki's thin wrists, hauling him to his feet and rushing him into the bedroom.

Their roles reversed yet again. Aki yanked his wrists free and shoved. Ueno toppled, landing on the unkempt bedclothes. With an audible whoosh, Ueno understood what having the wind knocked out of him entailed, and realized Aki was _much_ stronger than he appeared.

As Aki descended heavily, again straddling his hips, Ueno retained enough of his sense to utter a protest. "Aki, wait!"

" _What_?" Aki didn't have time; he was so close, throbbing enough to hurt, frantic enough to maim. _No no no…_

"Socks."

Aki was struck dumb; and only one response to came to mind. " _Huh_?"

Ueno heaved himself up, leaning forward awkwardly while Aki sat still in shock, yanking one sock, then the other from Aki's slender feet. "Wearing socks without pants is weird, okay?" He flung them away, and Aki watched his socks, designer label embroidered on the bottoms, sail into the darkness with wide eyes. His man was a weirdo.

That taken care of, Ueno wrapped his hands around Aki's forearms, urging him down. He dominated their kiss, but Aki dominated everything else. Effectively distracted, he began anew, heaving his hips forward, and then back, resuming the friction that had consumed them both.

Ueno's fingers needed something to do. They crept from Aki's hips to his backside, slipping under the waistband of his shorts. He cupped the soft skin that encased firmness, using his hands to assist Aki in his efforts. Aki would thrust, Ueno would tighten his grip and pull; Aki would recede, Ueno would relax his hold.

Sounds that couldn't be categorized as romantic to normal folk filled the room; panting, wheezing and moaning were accompanied the squeaking of the mattress, punctuated by the occasional sharp crack of the headboard meeting the wall.

The noises went on unheeded, increasing in frequency and decreasing in rhythm until Aki, hips faltering, shuddered before his arms gave out and he collapsed against Ueno's chest, lips pressed against the tense muscles cording Ueno's neck.

He sprawled over his boyfriend in a daze, pressing kisses to warm skin, barely reacting when Ueno's fingers tightened and he heaved himself upward, barely feeling or hearing Ueno groan, the sound filling the darkened room and rumbling in his neck.

Moments later, Ueno, fingers still biting into Aki's buttocks, was as still as the lighter haired man, drained of energy.

Minutes passed. Aki slipped into a doze, limbs tingling pleasantly from exertion, but was shaken back to awareness as Ueno slowly removed his fingers and rolled them over.

He dimly wondered if Ueno wanted to finish the job, but he simply lifted himself up, climbing gingerly from the bed. Aki didn't utter a word as Ueno stumbled into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

As he heard Ueno turn on the sink, Aki experienced a brief flash of fear, memories of Saturday morning returning with a vengeance. No cuddling? No kissing? No words of endearment?

The running water stopped, and then the door opened. It was dark, but Aki could make out Ueno's form toss something into a basket or hamper of some sort, open a chest of drawers and produce some clothing. Aki watched him step into a pair of sweatpants and return to the bathroom, briefly engaging the faucet again.

Aki tried to sit, bracing himself with muscles that wanted to rest, preparing himself for awkwardness that was sure to come.

Ueno returned to the bedroom, approaching the bed and pushing Aki back down against the pillows before easing his fingers under the waistband of Aki's ruined shorts, peeling them down and off his legs. Seconds later, Aki purred, feeling something pleasantly warm and moist gliding over his groin and lower abdomen. He relaxed, marveling that a basic cleaning process could be so intimate.

Ueno was silent as he gently worked, tossing the cloth into the basket before easing a pair of clean, warm flannel pants over Aki's calves and up his thighs. Task accomplished, Ueno reclined next to Aki, covering them both with a sheet and comforter.

"Are you okay?" Aki voiced the question carefully, still a little wary of the answer.

"Yeah." Ueno whispered his response, pressing a shy kiss to Aki's temple. "Sorry. I-I didn't plan that."

"What was wrong with it?"

"Nothing, I guess," Ueno replied, draping an arm over Aki's hip, "but I'm sure that you would have rather-"

"Rather had sex? I'm in no rush, especially after that. Don't worry; I'm very satisfied." Aki closed his eyes. "I've never done that before, but it was nice."

"Ever?"

"No. Is this the thing to do?"

"Well, I can't speak for adults, but it was the thing to do when I was in high school." Ueno's humor was evident. "Although I don't think we realized exactly what it was that we were trying to accomplish, and if you weren't careful, you messed your clothes up, which sucked if you weren't at home. It's safer, though, and if you're too much of a wuss to go all the way, it's a good cop out."

"Was this a cop out for you?"

"Nuh uh."

"Good. High school?" Aki yawned. After experiencing it, it seemed too all-consuming to be taken lightly, regardless of whether or not it culminated in actual sex. "In high school I was too busy to worry about perverted things like that."

"Busy doing what?" Ueno cradled him close.

Aki smiled and replied before Ueno’s next kiss landed. "Having sex."

 


	19. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

The morning after was supposed to be sweet. He'd seen enough movies to understand that much. There were kisses, caressing, and whispers of adoration. Maybe some praise regarding each other's sensual prowess and sometimes more of what had put them to sleep in the first place.

This wasn't what Ueno was accustomed to. He'd woken up next to a couple of lovers in the past, but of course, they had all had been girls, and sadly enough, the feeling of closeness declined or escalated along with his rigidity, as if he didn't have the attention span necessary to retain the feeling consistently. He hadn't minded that; he wasn't Victorian enough to assume that love was required.

It all paled in comparison to what he shared with Aki, and he was finding out fast that everything did. The aftermath was different. Ueno reclined on his side, forearm outstretched, head resting on his open palm. The position was unnecessary to be able to see; with the changing of seasons and an overcast sky that promised eventual rainfall, the sky grew dark much more quickly. The failing light, in addition to his closed blinds, blanketed his bedroom in comforting darkness; he could barely recognize the outline of his lover.

Well, maybe lover wasn't the most accurate way to refer to Aki yet, but it still _seemed_ fitting. They hadn't made love, really. It wasn't morning; only a half an hour had passed since they had both calmed down enough to rest. His lover wasn't a girl, but a man of his own approximate height and similar proportions. So all in all, it wasn't exactly the stereotypical _morning_ _after_ to most, but to Ueno, it was just as nice- no, it was better.

Ueno flopped onto his back, lost in thought. Aki had some mannerisms that may not be considered the most macho, but he was most definitely a man; Ueno had a glorious time grinding against Aki's most obvious indication of manliness. His groans were low and deep, his arms and legs slender but lined with wiry muscle and he had clung to Ueno with surprising strength. It would be extremely difficult to discredit Aki as a man simply because he was more attractive than most of the girls Ueno knew and because of a few mannerisms, and it was the ways that Aki reminded him of his masculinity that excited Ueno the most.

Ueno had spent a lot of time agonizing about what was and was not appropriate; was it okay to touch him? Could he kiss Aki without any invitation? What was too much, and what if he went too far? Could he tease him?

But now, lying close to him after what had passed that afternoon, both physical and verbal, he experienced no hesitation when he reached out. Sliding his hand to the smooth, sensitive skin at the small of Aki's back, he gathered him in.

Aki shifted to accommodate him, humming quietly. "Mmm. Not sleepy?"

"I'll sleep after work."

Slender fingers slid across his waist, reaching for Ueno's hand. "Call in. Then you can stay with me and go to bed early. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"I'd look like a flake. I haven't been working there very long, and it's only four hours anyway. I'll probably crash pretty hard, so maybe I should come back here after work. It's not as if I'll be any fun to be around."

"Forget it. You're stuck with me, and no matter what you do, I find you to be crazy fun. If you call in, I'll let you hump me again. You were fun then."

Ueno, amazingly enough, didn't flinch. That was surprising, as Ueno had never planned for them to hump; he'd never _planned_ to hump anyone. As mortifying as the thought of getting together for the express purpose of engaging in fevered grinding should have been, he didn't think he'd mind. "That's a tough decision to make. By the way, you mostly humped me, not the other way around." He squeezed Aki's fingers.

"No." Aki nuzzled his cheek. "I'm not responsible for my actions when you started the whole thing."

"I'll give you that. But it wasn't planned."

"You'd planned something else?"

Ueno sighed. "No, I hadn't planned anything. Unlike you, who promised you had no intent to bring me back here and ravish me. I'm calling foul on that, by the way."

"We're veered pretty far from our topic. When is the last time you slept through a whole night? Naps don't count."

Ueno paused to think. "Thursday night."

"Call my dad and tell him that you don't feel well."

"Oh, yeah. Wouldn't it make more sense to stay here, then?" If Aki's father knew the real reason they spent most of their free time together it would probably make sense, but it wasn't an option. "If I really was sick, why would I drag myself to your place just to rest?"

"Fine. We'll stay here."

"Aki, I _have_ to go to work. You'll be right upstairs; I'll come see you when it's slow."

"And when you're done." Aki pressed himself closer to Ueno's side and their legs automatically intertwined.

"And when I'm done." Ueno added obediently. "I can't wait to go to sleep. You help.”

"Neither can I."

"You just took a nap." Ueno jerked as a finger lightly circled his navel.

"I told you that naps don't count. Besides, I didn't get to sleep with you all weekend. I missed you." The nuzzling continued.

Ueno smiled in the darkness, but didn't reply.

"Embarrassed yet?"

"Nope." Ueno yawned. "I'm okay for now. I missed sharing sleep with you too. You’re a big sleeping pill."

"I love progress." There was shifting of a leg and arm, and Aki again adorned Ueno like a blanket, focusing his attentions to the nibbling of Ueno's jaw line before sliding his lips upward for a kiss.

There was a calm that settled over both of them while they exchanged caresses and breath; it was unlike any other sensation they had felt while together previously. It was heady while comforting. Ueno wished for the umpteenth time that afternoon that he wasn't obligated to leave.

Ueno had discovered exhaustion anew. He'd been tired to begin with, so engaging in some animalistic fun, while wonderful, hadn’t helped him. Working tonight was going to be quite the task. He wasn't the type to engage in excessive mushiness, but he was learning to like it even more, and nothing sounded nicer than staying home, in his dark bedroom with Aki permanently molded over him.

Regardless of his condition, his mood was lighter than he could remember. His limbs ached, his head throbbed, and he had trouble keeping his eyes open. Even when he did close his eyes, sleep evaded him, his mind on the work day ahead. So while Aki rested quietly, Ueno watched the clock. It didn't bother him; he was made content by the fact that after he finished for the evening, he'd be able to get to serious hibernation.

"Hey." Ueno shook Aki lightly.

"Hi."

"How did you manage to hunt me down?"

"I ran into one of your friends. He told me where you were."

"Oh." Ueno had no further reply.

"I hadn't spoken to you since Saturday, and it wasn't a friendly conversation. I got tired of you avoiding me." Aki explained himself quietly, eyes closed.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I talked to Mira about what happened this weekend, and he said we seem to misunderstand each other way too easily, and he's right."

"Ugh." Ueno eyed the ceiling. "I suppose he deserves some credit for that, at least."

"I agree. He is hard to handle sometimes, but he's a good person, really. He's never treated me badly. The reason he was so difficult this weekend was because he was angry with me; it had nothing to do with you."

"About?"

"He was angry that I was dismissive of him Friday night, and that I'd left and hadn't tried to contact him. He was very serious about me and him, and he thought I didn't care anymore." Aki paused, not positive he wanted to go down this path. They'd spent most of the night after Ueno went home getting reacquainted and addressing their past issues, so Mira now knew everything that had taken place over the year, including the ugliest bits. Coming clean had been healing for Aki, but with it came another nagging feeling of guilt to replace his other stressors, because he was opening himself up to the wrong person. Even Mira had admitted that Aki would be better off telling Ueno everything, that he thought Ueno could handle it. Aki had experienced a sharp pain in his chest at Mira's words, because he battled with that longing each day, burdened with the need to expose himself in every way possible.

It both saddened and angered him, because he'd assumed when he and Ueno first began their tentative reconciliation on the sidewalk after Ueno had run out on him, that he would be fine with things as they were. The relief that gripped him when Ueno stubbornly argued that he didn't care about Aki's past had given Aki a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe a relationship between the two of them was possible, without having to reopen any ugly wounds. As the days went by, that hope had increased.

The more time that passed, however, the more Aki _ached_ to fess up, the more his heart told him that Ueno cared for him and would understand, and the more his head told him that revealing his past life would ruin what the two of them had. Those two warring thoughts dominated his every musing when he had nothing else to focus on, and although Aki wasn't a crier, he grew so frustrated with that inner struggle he was almost brought to tears each time.

He slid from his comfortable pillow and Ueno turned to face him. "He was angry with me for leaving the way that I did. I was living with my parents, of course, and Mira and I weren't what you would call dating, but we were together to some degree. No one else knew. We'd grown up together, so Mira and I were close to begin with. We didn't keep secrets from each other, except for one. At the time, he thought he was the only guy I'd ever been with. He knows the truth now; the first man I'd ever slept with was my master. Mira and I had to sneak around, but that was easy. You've seen how dense my dad is."

Ueno was silent, sensing something heavy around the corner.

"I loved him, I guess, but not in the way you'd think; like family. No, not exactly family, obviously." Aki struggled to translate his thought process into intelligible words, and Ueno hummed an affirmative. "He knew everything about me except for that, and he understood. He didn't always agree with me, but he always tried to help. Because of that, I was incredibly attached to him. But once he found out that I'd been seeing- well, _sleeping_ with my master, Mira was more angry than I’ve ever seen him, almost… rabid.” He paused, sighing heavily. “Anyway,  he threatened to tell, until I threatened to take off and not come back. Until the other night, he had no idea how long it had been going on. At the time, I felt like I didn't have much of a choice, but I always did. I could have refused and faced the consequences, but I didn't; I was too worried about what would happen if anyone else found out, and I knew Mira wouldn't tell anyone if I could make him promise to keep it quiet."

Aki took a deep breath, and felt Ueno's fingers threading themselves in his hair, comforting as always. "Anyway, someone else did find out."

Ueno frowned in the darkness. "Who?"

"One of my older sisters. She tried to tell my parents, but neither of them believed her."

"Why?"

"I denied it, and they believed me." Aki tensed. "She wasn't in her right mind the majority of the time, so she didn't have much credibility with anyone in the family. I've mentioned her before; she's the one I went to visit."

"Oh. The one in the…." Ueno couldn't finish with psych ward or institution; it seemed a bit wrong.

"That's the one." Aki confirmed. "He couldn't stand Mira, and if Mira hadn't come into the picture, he may not have pushed for me to move in with him. When I agreed, Mira almost lost it, and my sister _did_ lose it. I didn't think he'd ever forgive me, but here we are."

"Here you guys are." Ueno echoed. "So you and Mira got everything sorted out."

"We did." Aki replied, almost in wonderment. "He won't cause any more trouble. Any serious trouble, that is. He’s a jerk, but a sweet one."

"Is there anything left?"

Aki raised his head. "Left?"

"Between the two of you. I'm not trying to be difficult or insecure; I'd understand if you still had feelings for him. I'd probably be confused too."

"No." Aki was adamant. "You have nothing to worry about."

"Okay." Ueno let the subject drop. "You know what? You guys are a little crazy."

"That's all you have to say after everything I just told you?"

"Oh, sorry. Now that you've told me a little more about you and your family, I think it'd be better if we just kept things friendly." He tickled Aki in the side.

"Ueno." Aki scowled, the expression unnoticed.

"Isn't that what you expected me to say? That I've changed my mind and I don't love you anymore? Don't you listen? I told you I don't care already. You’ve already hooked me." Ueno tried thinking of his own dark secret to share. He came up empty. "Oh. Once when I was drunk, I pissed on Haru- accidentally- and then threw up on him."

"Ueno, I fail to see the point you're trying to make."

"I'm giving you an example of a horrible, embarrassing thing I've done in my life."

"That was hardly horrible. I’d say opening up for strangers isn’t in the same ballpark as urinating on your buddy." Aki hoisted himself up as well. "It's possible that I'll regret asking, but how do you accidentally pee on someone?"

"I was outside his apartment one night. He had gone outside for a smoke before me, and ended up passing out in a flower bed. Some random guy drank too much and was throwing up in the only bathroom. I couldn’t hold it and went outside. I didn't see him. I guess my example was lame, but it was the best I could do. I'm not trying to say that what happened to you wasn't a big deal; I'm just saying that it's not important- as far as us being together _now_. I love you, stupid. Come here."

Aki didn't know how to _come_ _here_ , when they were sitting directly next to one another, so he swung one leg across Ueno's lap and settled into a straddling position that he was quickly becoming fond of.

"So," Ueno began, "wanna tell me anything else?"

"I'm done revealing myself for today." Aki hoped it was enough, because the admission was draining and he didn't have the energy to divulge any more. "But after your little story, I do have to insist that you never get drunk around me again. Ever."

"Got it. Thank you." He gently patted Aki's rear end, physically praising him.

"For what?"

"For trusting me, like I asked you to." Ueno leaned forward in the darkness until their lips brushed. He kept it chaste, pulling away before the two of them had another situation to clean up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Ueno blushed. "But I don't want to ruin any more clothes."

"We could take them off, you know." Aki stole another kiss. "Or you could do some laundry."

"I've done enough extra laundry since you showed up." The words left his mouth before he'd given them much thought, but hindsight told him of his error.

Aki's attention was diverted. "Excuse me?"

"Forget it. Get off me." Ueno squirmed, indicating to Aki that it was time to move. "I'm going to pack a bag and we can head over to your place."

"No, I like it here. What did you mean by that?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Ueno attempted a slight change in subject. "Any laundry is too much. Of course, you wouldn't know since you don't have to do your own."

"But you had to do extra laundry because of me? Were you… playing? Why didn't you just undress? Or do it in the shower?” Aki asked his questions shamelessly.

"No!" Ueno pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sometimes I'd wake up and there would be- I had-"

"You were having _nasty_ dreams?" Aki whispered the inquiry, strangely elated and fascinated by the turn the conversation had taken. "Wet dreams about me?" His hands lifted, cupping his own cheeks.

"So what? Does that make you happy, knowing that humiliating bit of information?"

"Honestly? Yup." Aki recovered and slid one hand down Ueno's bare stomach, then lower, finding the desired area without error and caressing it firmly over the flannel material. He was rewarded with a sudden exhale of breath. "That's the sweetest, hottest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"It's not sweet." Ueno snorted in incredulity, attempting without success to ignore that wandering hand.

Aki squeezed gently. "I'll help you with your laundry."

"Like hell you will. Do you even know how to use a washing machine?" Ueno shuddered as Aki's fingers delved into the waistband of his pants. "Besides, it's not that big of a problem these days."

"I know how to separate clothes. And why should you care? Isn't it worth it?"

"Whatever." Ueno returned, fighting to uncurl his toes. He didn't feel like arguing any more.

After the previous week, business had returned to normal. Ueno had things to do, but he blew through his tasks quickly. It was beyond him where he'd found the energy to do so, but he was just glad it was possible.

After Aki finished manhandling him- both literally and figuratively- Ueno managed to drag himself out of bed and get cleaned up for work. Their walk together had been upbeat. Ueno had never been so cheerful, optimistic, or energetic in the face of exhaustion.

The experiences of that afternoon had been exhilarating, sensual, therapeutic, enlightening and humiliating all rolled into one, but Ueno handled it well. He knew their problems were probably far from over; Aki had given Ueno's concerns a voice when they'd parted ways, telling him that they could talk about everything else later.

So, despite his waning energy level, he put all of his possible resources into getting through the workday, and it passed so quickly he almost didn't notice the time of his short shift. As he was preparing to leave, he checked in as he always did, just to be sure nothing else required his attention before he was no longer available, though the answer was normally no.

"Yes, I almost forgot." Himura-san was shuffling through a sheaf of receipts, so she didn't look in Ueno's direction and spoke absently. "Trash."

"Yes, ma'am." Ueno replied cheerfully, and then took off.

The task of gathering trash was quick, though herculean. Ueno had to make several trips out back, quickly tossing bags into the dumpster before rushing back inside for the next load. He didn't mind, except the rain that had threatening to make an appearance earlier in the day finally made good on its promise, and the downpour was heavy. He wore a hooded jacket, but it was thin and he was soaked to the bone by the time he'd dragged the final load outside.

Ueno quickly threw away the remainder of the trash, but a faint noise reached his ears and he paused. The back exit of the hotel deposited him in an alleyway, with businesses stretching from one end of the alley to the other. Most of the businesses simply used those exits to leave for the night after lockup and to dispose of waste. It was always deserted and quiet.

Standing still was useless, as he alone didn't make enough racket to drown out the sound, and the torrent of rain didn't let up for a second. With the faint wind chilling his wet skin, he moved to the right and paused again. The noise was definitely louder the more he moved in that direction.

Two dumpsters lined the wall opposite him. Shrugging his shoulders, he quickly approached them, lifting the first lid and peering inside.

There was nothing noteworthy, save for a few loads of garbage. He moved to the next, the larger of the two.

That one was full. He wrinkled his nose as the aroma wafted into his nostrils, but heard the sound again, amplified to such a degree that Ueno knew he'd found the source.

He dropped one bag to the wet pavement, then another and another, until he'd nearly emptied the large metal dumpster. The pitiful cooing continued, made louder by the removal of the trash covering it. The lighting was faint, but his vision wasn't completely impaired, and his eyes widened dramatically. Ueno huffed, boosting himself up onto the end of the bin, balanced on his stomach, legs dangling, rear end in the air. He reached down, grabbing at the wet ball of fluff sandwiched between two of the remaining bags of garbage.

"Aww, baby..." Ueno whispered, reverting to baby talk that seemed to be more therapeutic for humans than animals. "How did you end up in here?" Back on his feet, he unzipped his jacket and placed his waterlogged prize inside. It wouldn't do much good since both Ueno and his jacket were wet and cold, but it was better than nothing.

Bundle held in place with one arm, Ueno awkwardly used the other to begin tossing garbage back into the dumpster. His phone, jammed into his front pocket, vibrated gently against his thigh but he decided to ignore it until he made it back in from the cold.

Slamming the lid back into place, he stepped back inside. Aki wouldn't be happy about this.

_Ah well._

Ueno hurried onto the elevator, mindful of his little gift as he ascended floors. Exiting and stepping quickly down the hall, he ignored the scattered bits of cardboard that littered the carpeted floor and fished around for his key.

His fingers were so cold and stiff that it was difficult to manipulate the key properly, but he managed, dropping his key ring into his pocket and shoving open the door.

Aki was seated in his favorite chair, cel phone in one hand, a book in another. A notepad sat in his lap and an ink pen was pressed between his lips, which he removed to speak. "What kept you? I was about to call." He hopped to his feet, clearing the distance between them.

"Ran a little late. Don't touch me; I'm soaked." Ueno stepped back as Aki reached for him.

"Thank you for the warning." Aki watched as Ueno unzipped his jacket. "Where did you find that nasty thing?"

"I was taking out the garbage, and I found her in the trash. Can you believe someone just stuffed her in there?" Ueno's brows were drawn together in irritation. "Are you angry? I didn't know what else to do with her; she's so small, and I didn't want to leave her outside."

"Almost small enough to be newborn." Aki reached out and Ueno placed the kitten into his hands. "I'm not mad."

"You're not going to freak out and make me get rid of her?"

"I never had any plans to have pets, but I don't mind keeping her here until you figure out what to do. I did fall in love with a former pet sitter with a history of rescuing needy animals, so I guess this comes with the territory." Aki held the black kitten in one hand, sifting through wet fur. "I hope there's a face in here somewhere. _There_ it is. By the way, I think this one is a boy."

"Oh." Ueno began to shiver. "I just assumed, I guess. I'm going to keep him." He slowly peeled his jacket, heavy with water, from his body. "I'll take him to my apartment."

"Don't worry about that." Aki was quick to reply. "He can stay here for now."

"Thanks. I'll go out and buy him some stuff, but first we need to warm him up." Ueno plucked the tiny mass from Aki's grip and entered the small kitchen, engaging the faucet. "He's not even moving, so I'm sure he's freezing to death."

"I didn't think cats enjoyed baths." Aki moved to Ueno's side.

"I've never met a cat that liked to get wet, but I'm sure there's a few out there somewhere. It's the fastest way to warm him up _and_ get him clean. I'll make it quick." He kept the water lukewarm; he'd raise the heat after the kitten adjusted.

Aki stood next to him. "Isn't he supposed to be fighting or something?"

"You'd think so. I wish there was a vet open this late close by, but I don't think there is." Ueno raised the temperature little by little while Aki rubbed brusquely. He had no idea whether or not it helped, but it worked on humans.

"He's starting to fuss a little. That's probably a good sign." Ueno left Aki at the sink to grab a towel, but both of them turned towards the door at the sharp knock. "You expecting someone?"

Aki shook his head, his expression turning morose at the possibility of another visitor. "No, especially not this late. Can you get it?"

"Yeah." Ueno briefly stared through the peephole and then grumbled. "Oh, come _on_." He flung open the door and stepped back.

Aki raised a brow, his hands full of wet kitten. "Mira."

"Yep. What are you two up to?" Mira shut the door and turned to Ueno. "Hey. You two must have patched things up. Nice. Aki, what you got there?"

As Mira joined Aki in the kitchen, Ueno noticed that he hadn't left a pair of shoes behind in front of the doorway.

"Uh, Mira? Where are your shoes?"

"At home." Mira answered. "I avoid wearing any if I can get away with it. Sorry for coming over so late. I spent all afternoon moving. I didn't sleep much last night and between that and the move, I was beat and I napped all evening. Just woke up, and now I'm restless. I was hoping you were still up."

Aki narrowed his eyes. "You just woke up? Where did you move? Ueno, could you get the towel, please?"

Ueno hurried to obey, and Aki turned his full attention to Mira.

"A cat, huh?" Mira reached out, and Aki automatically passed the kitten to him. "Oh, sorry. I ignored your question."

Ueno rejoined the group, a fluffy towel dangling from his fingers.

"It was kind of sudden, so your dad must not have had time to tell you today." Mira snatched the towel away, arranging it around the kitten. "I moved down the hall, opposite corner. I would have taken the apartment next door, but I wanted to give you _some_ space. Now you get to see me every day." He leaned in and Ueno had no time to react before Mira pressed his lips to Ueno's cheek with a loud smacking sound. "I'm your new neighbor."

Mira began rubbing the kitten down with vigor while Ueno scrubbed at his cheek. "A hair dryer would be better."

"Bathroom." Aki said, motionless otherwise.

"Wonderful." Mira disappeared into the bedroom, shouting in order to be heard. "I'm hungry. Did you guys eat yet?"

"It's almost eleven," Ueno huffed, even as he opened the refrigerator, "and he's _hungry_. He _lives_ here now?"

Aki left Ueno cursing in kitchen and returned to his chair.

From his seat, he could hear the hair dryer going full blast and a sopping wet Ueno grousing in the kitchen. Ueno may have found the situation troublesome, but Aki couldn't help but put the events from that day in his wonderful category.

"What are we eating? I don't eat instant food, by the way." Mira called over the dryer.

Cookware clanged in the kitchen. "Son of a _bitch._ " Ueno grumbled.

Aki swallowed a laugh, looking forward to the remainder of the night.

 


	20. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Aki couldn't fight his amusement. He was useless at the moment; he sat safely out of the way while Ueno and Mira bustled around his apartment, each involved in their own tasks.

Ueno was true to himself. Fundamentally, he took pleasure in accommodating and taking care of others. He had a lot of ground to cover before he would be completely at ease around Mira, but he was currently in the kitchen, quickly preparing a meal for Aki's ex-lover regardless of his opinion. Aki was reminded that Ueno tended to underestimate himself, but was truly admirable.

He was mumbling to himself while he made his preparations, but that just made him all the more adorable. Aki watched, a small upward curving of his lips betraying his mood. He didn't offer to help; he'd do more harm than good in any kitchen, and he had no experience with animals, so he left Mira to his own work as well.

Aki's smile quickly transformed to a frown as he continued observing Ueno putter around the kitchen, moving from the refrigerator to the sink, sink to stove, and back again. His movements were stiff and if Aki wasn't mistaken, he was shivering.

Ueno was probably cold, and most definitely soggy. Rescuing animals in the pouring rain had that effect and of course, Ueno was usually immersed in taking care of others instead of taking care of a more immediate need, which should have been his own comfort and in this case, health.

"Ueno." Aki rushed to his side, resting a hand on his shoulder. He removed it immediately, flinching. "If you don't warm up, you're going to get sick."

"I know." Ueno shrugged. "But after I finish cooking, I have to go back outside since we don't have any supplies for a pet. I don't see the point in drying off to go right back out in the rain."

Mira exited the bedroom, cradling the motionless mass in the crook of one arm. "All done. The little boy is pretty handsome when he's freshly groomed. He's not moving much, but he did cry a little; must be hungry."

"I'll bet he is. I have no idea how long he was in the trash before I found him." Ueno looked at the kitten in Mira's arm thoughtfully. "We need an eyedropper or a syringe. Is there a twenty-four hour place around here?"

"I'm not sure." Aki replied, chewing his lower lip. "Mira, can you find one?"

Mira readily agreed, to Aki's surprise; he'd expected at least a half-hearted protest or wisecrack. "I guess it makes sense for me to go. The rain is still coming down and I have a car. Make me a list."

Aki walked back into the living area, returning with his abandoned notepad and pen.

"A baby bottle and syringe, some cotton balls, baby formula, and milk. Aki, do you have a heating pad or electric blanket? “At Aki's nod, Ueno continued. “Okay, then that should be all that we need for tonight. I'll get some kitten formula tomorrow when I can get to a pet store."

"Then I'm out of here. I'll be back soon." To give Mira credit, after he carefully deposited the kitten on the couch he left quickly.

"You can finish up in here after you dry off. You'll catch a cold. Go." Aki shoved Ueno gently. "You have time before he gets back."

Relenting, Ueno turned down the stove and disappeared into the bedroom. With nothing to do other than wait, he flopped down onto the couch and scooped up their charge, who Aki thought was charming when he was dried and fluffed, although he possessed little to no interest in felines or anything else furry, for that matter. He amused himself by running his fingers through its soft, sparse fur until Ueno emerged.

"I'm sorry." Aki began, smiling all the while. "I know it's going to be strange with him here." He hadn't come to terms with the fact that his family unit had just doubled within the last hour either, but he would.

Ueno shrugged before returning to the kitchen. "Don't worry. It'll be fine."

Aki moved to his chair, where he had a better vantage point. Ueno had dressed in sweats, as usual, but in addition to his standard t-shirt, he'd donned a sweatshirt, hood pulled up over his head. The chill obviously hadn't left his body. "Are you okay?"

"Okay with what?"

Aki didn't answer immediately; he wasn't sure what he'd meant by his question either; had he meant with Mira's inevitable and frequent presence from now on, with his condition after being outside in the cold and rain, or how he felt after going days with little to no sleep? Or was he asking how he felt about that afternoon now that he'd had time to think about what had occurred between them? He chose the safest.

"Are you still cold?"

"A little, but it’s okay."

"Are you angry?" Aki approached Ueno, hugging him from behind.

"I don't have a reason to be angry. And if this was happening to anyone else, I'd be laughing right now." Ueno patted Aki's hands, looking up as he heard the door.

They both turned towards the door, where Mira was kicking off his shoes. He extended an arm, a plastic bag dangling from his fingers. "That was easy. Here you go."

Aki took the offered bag and emptied the contents on the counter while Ueno quickly prepared a plate and offered it to their guest.

"I hate carrots." He and Ueno exchanged a heated gaze. "But that's okay. Thanks."

"They're good for you." Ueno washed his hands. One task complete, he moved to the next, quickly running downstairs and fetching a small cardboard box. Aki supplied Ueno with several thin towels and a heating pad, which he used to studiously fashion a bed he deemed adequate.

That finished, he quickly cleaned the syringe and prepared a mixture of milk and baby formula. Aki waited on the couch, kitten resting in his hands, while Ueno lightly warmed the mixture and filled the syringe before joining him.

"Okay," Ueno said, taking the kitten from Aki and giving him the syringe in exchange, "I'll hold him and you feed him." Ueno scooted closer, until their thighs and shoulders were pressed snugly together. He placed a pillow over their laps, and then lay the kitten, stomach down, on the cushion.

Aki held the syringe, watching as Ueno worked a finger inside the feline's mouth, gently urging it open. When Ueno gave him the go ahead, he inserted the tip of the syringe, oddly warmed by the praise he received from Ueno when the kitten immediately responded.

Ueno lightly grasped Aki's forearm and angled it upward. "If you angle it wrong, the milk can go down the wrong tube. Don't worry; you're doing great. Just give him a tiny bit at a time."

Ueno suppressed a yawn. He had been fine while working, as long as he was up and moving, but now that actual activity had ceased, he was beginning to feel the pull of sleep. Not considering how it would look, he let his body do its own bidding, dropping his head wearily to Aki's shoulder.

Aki, careful to not move his arm, tilted his head, resting it against Ueno's. "I'd tell you to go to sleep right now, but I want the pet sitter to supervise."

"Mmhmm." Ueno's eyes were closed, but he was still lucid for the time being, though his words held the beginning of slurring. "S'okay."

Minutes later, Ueno cracked open an eye with the intent of checking on Aki's progress, and what he saw made him take notice. Mira, long forgotten, sat in Aki's chair, silently observing Aki and Ueno's interaction. It wasn't the fact that he was watching; it was his facial expression that was concerning.

Mira didn't appear angry or mocking; he wasn't frowning, scowling, or even smirking, and the composure of his face wasn't unpleasant. The emotions that appeared to rearrange his expression were a mixture of melancholy and curiosity, and maybe possible envy. It was an odd blend, and one that was unsettling, along with intensity of his gaze.

He looked away as he noticed he'd been sighted.

Ueno didn't blame him; they were an odd pair. He knew, logically speaking, that he had absolutely no reason to feel guilty, but he did, and the fact that Mira was behaving admirably didn't help. If Mira had remained the obnoxious man Ueno met a few days ago, it would have been easier to ignore the guilt. The feeling was short lived as Aki's soft voice claimed his attention.

"I think he's done. Can I stop now?"

"Yeah." Ueno picked the kitten up, resting it against his shoulder and patting it gently.

Mira raised a brow. "Are you _burping_ that thing?"

"Some small animals have to be burped." Ueno tone indicated that he assumed that fact was common knowledge. "We have to make him go, too."

"Go where?"

"To the bathroom." Ueno scowled.

"How do you make a kitten go to the bathroom?"

"That's what the cotton balls are for. He's too small; he can't move much, so we have to help him. Don't worry; I'll do it in the bathroom when I put him to bed." Ueno cleared his throat and pushed himself away, a strange awkwardness taking over. "I should do that now, actually. I'll get up in a few hours to feed him again." Ueno chose to put the bed in the bathroom; as bathrooms went, it was large but still the smallest area in the apartment, and warmer than the other rooms.

After Ueno had the kitten settled to his satisfaction, he was on the move again, clearing the coffee table and carrying the dishes to the kitchen to be washed.

Not noticing he was closely followed, he nearly dropped a glass as Mira's voice broke the silence.

"I'll help." Mira turned on the sink, giving Ueno a sideways glance. "You're good with animals."

"I like them." Ueno expressed his thanks humbly, all the while waiting for an insult that never came. "Thanks for running to the store, by the way. How much do I owe you?"

"Forget it." Mira lathered a sponge and grabbed a glass. "You look worn out. I'll finish up in here."

"It's okay." Ueno marveled at their simple exchange of words, so opposite of their few previous interactions.

"Ueno." Another voice reached his ears, gentle hands running over his back in soothing, circular strokes. "Come to bed."

Aki's words were a catalyst; Ueno was rapidly losing the hold on his second wind- or third, he could no longer differentiate. Aki herded him through the living room, into the bedroom, and to his side of the bed. He wiggled free of his sweatshirt. "Are you leaving him out there alone?"

"For a little while. I'll stay here until you fall asleep." Aki crawled into bed with him.

Ueno considered his words, reclining and crossing his arms underneath his head. "I feel bad for him."

Aki sat up. "For Mira? Why?"

"You should probably hang out with him for a while. Didn't you think he looked kind of sad?"

"I hadn't noticed."

"I did. Go ahead. I'll be here when you get back. Wake me up when you come to bed so I can check on the little guy." Ueno yawned. "G'night."

Mindful of Ueno's observation, Aki shut the bedroom door behind him and noticed that the kitchen had been tidied and Mira was already at the front door, turning the handle. "You don't have to go. Why don't you stay and keep me company?"

"You sure?" Mira looked doubtful. "I haven't worn out my welcome yet?"

"Nope." Aki smiled, gesturing to the couch. "Sit down."

The two of them made themselves comfortable. After their conversation on Saturday night, the awkwardness between them was a little confusing. If Ueno hadn't pointed out the possibility of Mira being upset, Aki probably would have been more at ease. He experienced his own share of guilt as well; knowing Mira better than Ueno, he should have picked up on it himself.

"So," Aki crossed his legs, "tell me why you're living here now."

Mira leaned back. "Mom and Dad are having problems, and I got tired of hearing them fight. That's why they didn't come to your party, and why I didn't really want to go home afterward. I ended up staying here the entire weekend."

"I thought you just stayed to be annoying."

"You would. It was a bonus, but not my focus." Mira smiled. "Your dad asked me why I wanted to stay the entire weekend, so I told him I didn't want to go home. He ended up calling my parents and talking things out. Your dad didn't even clear it with me first; he just told them that he thought I should live away from home for a while, and they all agreed that I could stay here."

"I see." Aki said. "I didn't know you were having problems."

"You would if you had bothered to call."

Ouch. Aki looked down at this lap. "I'm sorry."

Mira chuckled. "I couldn't help rubbing it in. It's okay. They're trying, and I think it'll be easier for them if I'm not around stressing them out or adding to the problem. Mainly I left for me, though. I'd been thinking of getting a place of my own anyway." Mira propped his feet up on the coffee table. "I could have rented my own apartment, but your dad suggested this, and I liked the idea. And of course, it's free. Now Ueno has the pleasure of seeing me every day. How long do you think it'll take him to crack and do something crazy?"

"I don't think he'll be any trouble." Aki glanced toward the closed bedroom door.

"He did cook for me; I wasn't expecting that, especially after this weekend. I expected at least a little hostility, but he doesn't seem to hold grudges. I see why you like him so much, I guess." Mira acknowledged Ueno's qualities grudgingly, almost as if they were being forced out of him.

"He's easy to like."

I know you said he was a pet sitter, but his experience seems to go beyond that."

"He's good at whatever he does."

"He's cute enough."

Aki smiled. Luckily there was no mirror present; the smile was goofy, not the sleek, secretive smile he normally sported. "He is."

Mira rolled his eyes. "And everyone he meets seems to love him. Not to mention that he cooks, works, goes to school, and still has time to cater to you. He's almost too perfect to be real. I was prepared to hate him, but I approve. I'll allow it."

"Uh uh." Aki didn't need his permission, but his admission was an indicator that Mira wouldn't interfere, and that was priceless.

Mira snickered. "You're _so_ far gone. I should be offended that it's not me, but I'm actually impressed."

"Are you laughing at _me_?" Aki gazed at his ex-lover in confusion.

"Do you realize that each time I've mentioned Ueno or you refer to him specifically, you put a finger in your mouth and your eyes go all vacant?"

Aki mouth went slack, and his finger slipped from between his lips, hand dropping into his lap. "Oh. I'm sorry. I don't know why-"

"I do, and I'm not getting into it. But I'm sure you'd rather be in there with him, and you know what?" Mira stood up and stretched. "I think I will go back to my apartment. I want to get things organized, and I only have five days to do it."

That was certainly abrupt. Aki was relieved, but hid it well. "Why do you have a time limit?"

"I'd like to be finished by the weekend, maybe have a little get together. Call it a housewarming if you want."

Or a party. "Great." Aki had forgotten that Mira loved to entertain. Aki, being the object of Mira's affection, had normally been invited and even attended some, but never enjoyed the crowds. He made a mental note to make sure he got the details from Mira to ensure that he _wouldn't_ be around when it happened, and saw Mira out before dousing all of the lights and opening the bedroom door.

It was too early to wake Ueno; the kitten wouldn't need another feeding this early. He peeked into the bathroom to ensure the kitten was resting, and then changed into lighter clothing before sliding carefully under the blankets.

The bedroom was quiet, and Aki could tell even in the darkness that Ueno hadn't moved, resting on his side, his breathing rhythmic and deep. He eased himself closer until his chest was flush with Ueno's back, and Aki tossed an arm around his waist. He wasn't used to Ueno falling asleep before him, so he indulged in the rarity of listening to Ueno's slow, peaceful breathing.

He closed his own eyes, the rhythm lulling him into relaxation, when Ueno's breathing caught and he rolled over.

"Gone?" Ueno inquired sleepily.

"Yup. He didn't stay long."

"Kitty?"

"Fine. He's sleeping."

"Kitchen?"

"Clean. Mira finished everything for you."

"Time?"

"Late. Go back to sleep."

Ueno, half conscious, rolled over, gripped the edge of Aki's t-shirt and pulled.

Aki appreciated the effort, but he doubted Ueno would be able to remain awake during the process. "I don't think you're up for this." Even so, his curiosity was more powerful than his doubt, and he kept his limbs and body pliant while he was clumsily undressed.

Seconds later, Aki's shirt fell to the floor and Ueno moved to his pants and shorts. "I'm not gonna do anything." He tossed the soft material to the side, and then cast away his own clothing.

"Night." Ueno flipped over again, naked as a newborn.

Aki stared at the dark mass next to him. "Why did you do that?"

"You like it better." Ueno slurred. “If you were naked alone, it would be weird. And," he added, breaking in a yawn, "it feels nice."

Aki had to smile. Another Ueno branded idiosyncrasy. He did prefer to sleep nude, but cuddling without things growing inappropriate would be difficult now. The alternative was to refrain from touching, which Aki definitely abhorred, but understood; he'd kept Ueno awake long enough.

Turning on the lights so he could get his first view of Ueno completely head-to-toe nude was tempting indeed, but he respectfully refrained, choosing instead to burrow beneath his blankets, close his eyes, and try to claim some sleep of his own.

Minutes later, Ueno began thrashing and Aki, having managed to slip into a light doze, opened his eyes. "What's wrong? _Oh_." He hadn't recalled moving, but there he was, attached to Ueno's back like a piece of plastic cling wrap, a leg arranged carelessly over Ueno's thigh.

"Is that your… thingie all squished against my back?"

Aki coughed to conceal his amusement. "No." He thrust his hips. "It's just my cock."

"That's what I _said_!" Ueno said, quite irritably. "Stop moving!"

"No; you said thingie." He slid his leg from Ueno's thigh to his hip, slowly and deliberately undulating, encouraged by Ueno's protests. "After what we did together at your apartment earlier, you're still too embarrassed to use the appropriate vocabulary?" Aki pressed his lips to Ueno's bare shoulder, the soft kiss irking Ueno further.

A tussle ensued; Ueno, grunting from exertion, bucked and flailed like a fish out of water while Aki simply held on, unsure of why he was behaving so immaturely, but enjoying himself too much to stop.

Ueno ran out of steam and motivation, collapsing in a heap while Aki cooed quietly to him. "Why are you messing with me?"

"It's fun. And I just wanted to hold you. I don't like sleeping by myself."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Ueno grumbled in defeat, and after a bout of verbal instruction, scooting, wriggling and tossing, all was still again. Ueno wasn't sure how they'd ended up as they did, but it wasn't an uncomfortable setup, just odd. Aki lay flat on his back, Ueno's head cushioned on his shoulder, his arm resting on his boyfriend's belly.

Ueno was tense, quietly waiting for some form of protest; during the organization of their bodies, his own thingie- cock, as Aki had pointed out previously- rested snugly against Aki's hip. Ueno didn't find that acceptable, but Aki was immobile, calm and silent.

It had been Ueno who divested Aki of his clothing, but only because he wanted the other man to be able to sleep comfortably and in a way that he preferred. Aki's comment at having to endure clothing only for Ueno's sake was at the forefront of his mind. Okay, that was only partly true. Ueno was also curious to learn what it felt like to lay next to Aki completely naked, but he hadn't realized it would put a cramp in their nighttime cuddling, which was as standard as breathing when they slept.

It wasn't as if Ueno could get up now and insist they both get dressed without appearing juvenile, so he queried cautiously. "Aki?"

"Yes?" He was amused; Ueno could tell simply from the lilt in his voice.

"This is strange."

"It's fine, Ueno."

"Uh- okay." Ueno lapsed into silence.

"You were right."

Ueno lifted his head. "About what?"

"Mira. I think he might be a little uncomfortable. He'll joke around to hide it, but he's still adjusting."

"Yeah." Ueno lowered his head again. "I'll be more considerate when he's around."

"More considerate how?"

"With you. And I'll try not to get mad when he says something stupid, of course."

"So when he's around, you're going to act like we're not together?" That couldn't be what Ueno was implying.

"You make it sound bad. I just meant I'll be careful, that's all."

"Because it _is_ bad." Aki shoved Ueno's head to the side and sat up, leaning over to turn on the bedside lamp. "So we're supposed to actually be best friends now? Are we going to crush beer cans on each other's foreheads and make stupid jokes about hard ons? Help eachother with homework? Trust me; Mira is going to be here _all_ of the time. How else is he ever going to get used to the way things are if we never show him?"

"So you don't like the idea."

"I don't dislike your idea; I hate it." Aki watched as Ueno rolled onto his stomach, resting his head on his crossed arms.

"I'm sorry," Ueno said, his voice muffled, "I was just trying to make things less weird. I thought it would be easier on him if we didn't rub everything in his face."

"It might make things easier for Mira, but not for me. What about you?"

"Me either." Ueno sighed.

Aki frowned, although Ueno wasn't able to see his expression. It irked him to know that after they had just reached a semi-truce, that Ueno would even suggest that he censor himself in his own home. He could simply refuse the suggestion, but if they weren't on the same page, that wouldn't work either. Aki felt as if they were being cheated out of some sort of honeymoon before they'd managed to begin.

In an unspoken agreement, they hid their feelings from everyone else, which for Ueno's sake, Aki didn't mind- much. They were only at ease with each other behind closed doors. No matter how distant they were during the day, Aki was always comforted by the fact that they could be themselves when they were alone. It was the main reason Aki preferred to remain in his apartment; now Mira could potentially spoil even that.

He experienced a moment of immaturity. "I'm not hiding anything." Aki said, almost whining. He slid out of bed and opened the bathroom door to check on the newest addition to his household and sulk privately. Of course, the kitten wasn't moving; it hadn't stirred much all night, but Ueno had assured him that wasn't cause for worry yet.

He hadn't put his heart on his sleeve, endured the emotional turmoil, stressors and uncertainty to fall in love with someone who he could only touch or acknowledge as his significant other under such limited circumstances. Despite the depth of his feelings, nothing was solidified yet. Continually being tested so early on in a relationship couldn't be good.

"I didn't mean _hide_ it." Ueno heaved himself into a sitting position. "Aki, come back to bed. Forget I mentioned it, okay? It was just an idea, and it was a bad one."

There was shuffling, and then Aki reappeared, framed by the doorway, naked and beautiful. The kitten was cradled in his hands, his lips arranged in a definite pout. His expression was defiant, but Ueno was sharp enough to also recognize that Aki's feelings were hurt.

"I felt guilty, and I was trying to find some way to avoid making Mira uncomfortable, but you're more important." Ueno apologized.

Aki couldn't maintain his pout, not with Ueno looking so cute and apologetic, pulling the blankets back invitingly. "You're going to forget it?"

"Forgotten." Ueno promised, holding a breath as Aki disappeared briefly to return the kitten to bed, leaving the bathroom and making his way back to the bed. He allowed Aki to slip in beside him before reaching out and gathering him in.

"What are you getting so upset for, anyway? It was just an idea." Ueno pressed a kiss to Aki's forehead for good measure.

Aki sighed tiredly. "It hasn't even been a whole day since we made up. I want to be happy with you, not waste my time trying to make Mira or anyone else feel better." Aki kept the other reason to himself; he hadn't realized it until now because he'd been wallowing in their progress for the day, but his nerves were still frayed from the weekend. He was discovering that masking insecurities was futile; they manifested in one way or another. He'd been quick on the draw and overreacted as if the worst was bound to happen. In hindsight, Aki was able to identify others, but he'd keep those to himself. "Just when I think we're going to be fine something happens or someone shows up and we go backward."

Ueno's arm tightened. "I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else. What should we name the kitty?"

"You found him." Aki had relaxed though his tone was subdued. In spite of his exhaustion, Ueno tried to keep him talking, hoping to send Aki to sleep in better spirits.

"But he's _our_ kitty." Ueno gave Aki a squeeze. We should wait until he starts to show some personality anyway. Then we can give him a name that fits him. Oh yeah; I should take him to the vet after school. You want to come with me?"

"Okay." Aki moved restlessly until their legs tangled.

Ueno yelped. "Your feet are _freezing_."

"I could wear socks," Aki suggested, perking up at the chance to poke fun.

"Negative. Just keep them here; they'll warm up soon."

"You haven't noticed."

"Noticed what?"

Aki chuckled softly, nestling his face into the hollow between Ueno's neck and shoulder. "Our _thingies_ are… getting acquainted."

Ueno silently processed the information, as his nerve endings informed him that they were indeed joined at their nether regions. He cleared his throat. "Thanks for telling me."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing, but no moving around, okay?"

"What if it moves on its own? That happens."

“Goodnight, stupid.”

 


	21. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Aki wasn't aware of the exact time. All he knew was that it was entirely too early to be up for the day, not with how late into the morning they'd remained up, retiring only when their exhaustion left them no option.

He reached out, fully expecting to encounter another warm, soft body. Ueno wasn't next to him. That was odd, since Aki had seduced him into forgetting about his classes for the day. The two of them had remained awake for so long, if he'd had to get up at his normal hour, Ueno would have another miserable day on his hands. Considering that they had only retired a few short hours before, Aki should have woken to the sight of Ueno fast asleep at his side. Then Aki could have shoved the covers down to his feet so that when Ueno opened his eyes, he would have noticed- oh yeah. Aki had forgotten his decision to have none of that.

Half-conscious, Aki sniffed experimentally, taking in a pleasant aroma that floated in under the door. Not one who preferred to eat immediately after waking, his stomach growled all the same. All that he'd consumed the previous day had been a very light snack, and he was paying for it now. He spread his upper limbs, his slender arms sliding over the cool sheets, searching for the end of the bed. One of his hands found the edge of the mattress, and he rolled towards it until he was flat on his belly, then pulled himself towards the end of the bed.

Aki's motor skills were shaky at best when he first woke, resulting in him overestimating the distance that fine morning. As a result, half of his body slid over the side of the bed, and the other half had no choice but to follow. He tumbled, landing on the carpet with a loud thud.

He decided he wasn't really that hungry, and that the floor wasn't as uncomfortable as he'd assumed. He didn't even attempt to climb back into bed, just reached out blindly, snagging the corner of one of his comforters and dragging it down to his level.

"Ahh." Aki sighed from underneath his blanket. Mornings were hell.

Dimly, rapid footsteps sounded, and then the bedroom door flew open. "Aki?" He heard a stifled laugh. "Good grief."

The comforter was pulled free. "You really want to sleep naked on the floor?" Ueno threw the bedding back onto the mattress, grabbed Aki by the wrists, and hauled him into a seated position. "How many times have I told you to stay put until you're really awake? You could hurt yourself."

Aki slowly opened his eyes, and then blinked to bring them into focus. At least the first sight that greeted him was a pleasant one. "Morning," he mumbled thickly, managing a vacant smile, "It's early."

"Yeah, it is pretty early, but Mira was pounding on the door. He's hungry, so I made breakfast." Ueno returned the smile with one of his own. "I wasn't going to bother you, but I heard you fall. Since you're up, come on and get dressed."

"You got up just to feed him?" Aki let Ueno help him to his feet, waiting while Ueno rushed to his bureau and handed him a pair of shorts and lightweight pants. "Mira can fend for himself."

"I needed to feed the kitten anyway. Aren't you hungry?"

Ueno's cheerful disposition was highly perturbing at this hour, but Aki lacked the motor skills and cunning to effectively deal with it. "A little. But I'd rather go back to sleep."

"We've got all day, sleeping beauty. Besides, Mira didn't leave me much of a choice." Ueno stood patiently while Aki shuffled to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.

"You," Aki began, re-entering the bedroom and wriggling into a t-shirt, "are inhuman. You got less sleep than I did. Are you on something?"

"Don't worry. I'll run out of energy sooner or later. But since I'm awake, I might as well be productive. After breakfast, you can sleep some more, and then we're taking the kitten in."

Aki followed Ueno out of the bedroom and into the living area. Mira was already seated, looking just as chipper as Ueno. Aki fought a scowl; they were both disgusting.

"Good Morning, pretty- although you don't look so great this morning. What's wrong, no sleep?"

"Morning." Aki was led to the couch and pushed into the cushions before Ueno scampered off to the kitchen with energy that was indeed baffling and began dishing up food.

Mira chattered idly while Ueno set his breakfast on the table in front of him, watching Ueno rush back into the kitchen and begin chopping up something with a large knife. "What's all that for?"

"For Aki." Ueno gazed at Mira quizzically from his post. "Why?"

"Why isn't he eating this?"

"Yeah, right. He's not gonna touch that this early in the morning." Ueno poured a glass of juice, sparingly buttered a piece of lightly toasted bread, and arranged various fruit on a small plate. "He's a picky eater."

"Isn't it tiring to remember all the things Aki will or won't do?" Mira turned to Aki. "I believe I did mention the word _cater_ last night?"

Aki shrugged. "I don't ask him to do it." He thanked Ueno when his breakfast was set down in front of him.

"Thank me by eating at least half of it." Humming, Ueno pinched Aki's cheek, then left the room.

"He's sickening, isn't he? He barely slept, but he's still bouncing off the walls."

"He's not high?"

"I asked him that; he didn't answer." Aki shook his head.

They both lapsed into silence, Aki losing his focus. He was contemplative as he nibbled at his fruit.

After settling into bed, weary but unwilling to sacrifice calm conversation, gentle caresses, or occasional kissing for their much needed rest, they kept one another company for hours. There had been no excessive fooling around or arguing; the two of them had simply rested in each other's arms, prattling quietly.

Aki would happily give up half of his daily allowance of sleep if they could talk like that every night. A nice commingling of all things enlightening, stimulating, foolish, insignificant, sweet and gentle, their sharing had been just what he'd needed.

Starting over hadn't been the plan, but it appeared that it was taking place, at least in some departments. Even after the previous afternoon, after they'd grown closer physically, neither seemed willing to proceed further, or even speak of it. Strangely, Aki was relieved; he was in love, but their truce was tentative, and only time would strengthen it. While they waited for the cement to dry, Aki desired for nothing else to derail their progress or confuse either one of them any further, even ever-important sexual gratification. It was the most adult decision he'd made in years, but Ueno was too important to him; thinking with his privates or making rash decisions with lasting consequences was not an option.

Hunger slighted, he gave up on eating once he'd reached his required portion; his true desire was to climb back into bed, Ueno at his side. They would both likely still be slumbering if Mira could have kept his ass in his own place. Mira was most definitely welcome in Aki's apartment, but perhaps not at the frequency in which he was sure Mira would insist upon until the novelty of their new living situation wore off.

Luckily, at least that morning, Mira had other plans. He thanked Ueno for his generosity and efforts, rising to his feet and announcing his departure. "I have to get going. My parents are taking me shopping."

"So you woke up the whole building just so I could feed you?" Ueno had re-joined them, and had to ask as he cleared the table, although he didn't appear to be put out.

"You got it. I won't be joining you two for lunch, but make sure dinner has no carrots, will you?"

"Making you a dinner that meets your expectations will be my main goal for the day." Ueno rolled his eyes.

"Since he's leaving, can we go back to sleep?" Aki's voice was laden with hope.

"Go back to sleep. I'll do the dishes."

Aki understood that an offer to help was polite, but he was tired, had no desire to assist, and Ueno most likely wouldn't accept his help regardless. "Okay. See you later, Mira."

"You will." Mira left with the promise of a return.

Aki considered asking Ueno if they could spend the night at his apartment instead; it would ensure their privacy, the ability to sleep at a decent hour as well give them some peace and quiet. If they timed their exit correctly, they could be out of the building before Mira returned from his shopping trip, or perhaps he could extinguish all of the lights and make Ueno promise not to answer the door.

"Now that I'm thinking," Ueno said, his hands immersed in suds, "before I go back to sleep, I should get the kitten to the vet and get it over with. Do you still want to come? I can go alone."

"No." Aki sighed. "You're right; we should get it taken care of. Do you know where we're going to take him?"

"I wouldn't be taking him anywhere if I knew how long he'd been separated from the mother. I just want to make sure he doesn't need any special attention. I was going to take him to an actual vet, but it would be cheaper and easier to just take him to school."

"School?"

"Yeah. The upperclassmen in the veterinary program can take a look at him. They'll have fun with it. There's a lab on campus with a student attendant on hand; we can take him there."

"What animals do they keep?"

Ueno finished the dishes and dried his hands. "They keep strays there, and some that belong to students in the program. There are no weird experiments, tests, or anything like that. They're just students, and they're not advanced enough to handle any big stuff. The strays are from local shelters. They take care of them during the day, and volunteers take them home at night. Don't worry; they're spoiled rotten. There are some reptiles that stay there overnight, but that's about it."

"Okay. I'll get dressed."

"And I'll get the kitten ready to go. Let's take a cab so he's not out in the cold too long."

Aki got dressed quickly while Ueno wrapped the kitten in a small blanket to help fight off the cold and got himself bundled up for the trip. Even though the rain had let up some, the chill in the air was painfully present.

They caught a cab directly outside of the hotel, and the trip to campus was short. Aki carried the kitten, already secured within the blanket, under his coat while they made the trek along paved pathways to one of the science buildings. Once inside, Ueno led him to an unmarked doorway.

The perimeter of one half of the room was lined with large carriers, the other half with supply cabinets. Aki couldn't explain the relief he experienced when he realized that very few of the carriers were actually occupied, and reminded himself that even these animals didn't have to remain in a cold, unfriendly lab overnight.

"Ueno?"

Ueno turned to the lone occupant of the lab and smiled. "Hi, Etsuko. How have you been?"

The girl wasn't a raving beauty, but she could hardly be called dowdy or plain, either. She had her own spunk; that was obvious, even after Aki's quick once-over.

Dark brown hair, mixed with strands varying in color from lighter brown to blonde, had been combed back and arranged into a loose, haphazard knot at the back of her head, with random strands spiking up from it in odd directions. She had round face, darker in complexion than even Ueno, with plump, glowing cheeks, but a very small build.

Her lab coat was unbuttoned, and her personality was apparent in the clothing she wore underneath; a little bit punky, in addition to the multitude of holes in her ears. Her eyes were dark and full of fun. She wore no makeup, but didn't really need it, at least as far as Aki was concerned; she was pretty cute on her own.

Aki unzipped his coat, carefully unearthing his bundle while Ueno explained their situation. As Aki opened up the blanket, the girl's chubby face transformed, as most women he knew did when they saw a tiny animal. She immediately descended, snatching the kitten from Aki's hands, and in crooning tones, asked questions of the kitten that it obviously wasn't going to respond to.

"Aki, this is Etsuko."

"Nice to meet you." Etsuko literally hopped from foot to foot in her excitement, and Aki had to wonder what the big deal was. Was this the first kitten she'd ever handled?

Aki returned the greeting regardless, along with a winning smile. The girl was okay, if not overly bubbly.

Just as quickly, Etsuko placed the cat back in Aki's hands. "He seems okay, considering what he's been through. How much you want to bet that the owner didn't think he'd make it and just dumped him?"

Ueno hummed in agreement. "I know there's not much you or even a vet can do as far as a checkup at this point, but I just wanted someone to take a look. I needed to make sure that what we're doing for him is enough for now."

"I can do that. Let's look at him on that table over there." Etsuko pointed.

Aki and Ueno approached the indicated table, where Aki carefully set the kitten down.

"So, Ueno," she began, rummaging around in a cabinet, "I haven't seen you out and about lately."

"Oh. I've been busy. New job, stuff like that."

Aki, not included in the conversation, rubbed the kitten's neck gently. The girl seemed very sweet, confident and much the opposite of most girls he encountered on campus. He couldn't put his finger on it, but for some reason, he didn't dislike her on sight. She didn't appear to have any hidden agendas.

"I figured I'd run into you sooner or later, but you never show up at the normal places anymore. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you didn’t like us anymore." She shouldered Aki aside, wedging her body between the two of them.

Aki wasn't offended. She had no idea who Aki was, or what position he held in Ueno's life. He wasn't being assessed and disregarded; she just seemed to have no interest in him, and probably just needed the room to examine the kitten. She reminded him of Ueno, honestly, which was probably why he liked her- except for the shoving. Ueno would never handle someone so carelessly.

Their eyes meeting over the top of her multicolored head, Aki could see that Ueno had become slightly uncomfortable, due to the fact that Etsuko's actions would be seen as rude to most people. Ueno's lips moved, though no voice was heard.

_Sorry._

Aki shook his head, indicating that it was no big deal, while Etsuko busied herself running her fingers gently but firmly over the tiny kitten's body.

"He look okay to you?"

"As well as can be expected. If you feed him regularly, make sure he's eliminating waste, and keep him warm for the next week or so, he should have a pretty good chance. I don't think there's much else you can do for him. You're not going to take him to a shelter, are you?"

Ueno shook his head. "Nope. We're going to keep him."

"We? So you two are roommates? I thought you liked living alone."

Ueno's reply was short. "Not really."

"Ooohkay." She accepted Ueno's evasive answer dropped the subject, moving on. "Is he eating well?"

"He's eaten every time we've fed him. Once every three or four hours."

"He's so tiny, it might be a good idea to feed him a little more often in smaller quantities for the rest of the week. Is he eliminating?"

"Yep. Sure is, though not every time."

Aki tuned them both out, attempting to evade his boredom by gazing around the lab. Their vocabulary was becoming more technical and lengthy, and Aki had no desire to ask questions in an effort to better understand their conversation. Ueno could brief him later.

He couldn't wait to get off campus. Aki wasn't tired now that he was up and moving, but he was positive once he settled down in his apartment he'd encounter no issues falling asleep again. Aki enjoyed his rest, though he was not a lazy person or excessive sleeper; it was when his sleep pattern was interrupted, whether it be due to stress, intrusion or otherwise that he indulged in more of it. Unfortunately, that had occurred too often for comfort recently.

During Aki's musing, the conversation had transformed to something much more basic.

"What if I stop by this weekend?"

"What for?" Ueno's reply, in the form of a question, was blunt and not what anyone wanted to hear when imposing themselves on another person in the hopes of acceptance. Ueno sometimes thought things through too much, but there were rare occasions where Ueno was an oblivious idiot that spoke based on gut instinct before his brain could advise him otherwise. That, or he really didn't understand why she was inviting herself over to his apartment.

"Well," she said, not skipping a beat, "I was hoping that I could check on your little friend and see how he's holding up. We could get something for dinner- wait- I could bring dinner, and we could watch a movie. I miss spending time with you."

Aki's spacing out came to an abrupt halt after she made her suggestion, but he refrained from speaking. Unless Ueno said or did something stupid, he'd stay out of it, though a quick change of heart caused him to have to physically fight a scowl.

Ueno took his time answering her, his voice gentle. "I’m sorry, Etsuko. I don't have much time to hang out much anymore with work, class, homework and all. If you want, I could bring him back to the lab sometime."

Aki's expelled a deep breath, and his scowl faded.

"Whenever you have time is fine with me. With all that you do, a night off would do you some good. I could give you my number." She picked up the kitten, cuddling him against her bosom. "I'd love to see you and your baby."

The scowl returned.

"Um- well, I could take your number, but I really don't have time. It would be better if we just dropped by the lab when we're free. That work, Aki?"

Aki smoothed his features before he drew concern. "Of course. We'd love to bring him back." Ueno's acknowledgement of him was encouraging. Really, he most definitely wouldn't _love_ to come back to the lab and witness any more shameless attempts on her part, but if Ueno was returning, so would he.

In the end, they did exchange phone numbers, but Ueno participated in the exchange with visible reluctance.

Etsuko, to give the girl credit, was no airhead. She understood that Ueno wasn't sold. However, she didn't seem like the type to accept a negative answer as right off the bat; she wasn't satisfied with the consolation prize Ueno offered.

"You should give me a call this weekend."

Aki decided he'd listened to enough; he wanted to go, right _now._

"Are you two finished with your examination?"

Both heads turned; it seemed they both had briefly forgotten the third party.

Etsuko nodded. "We're done."

"Good." Aki held out his arms. "Give me my cat, please." He ignored Ueno's startled stare and removed the kitten from the girl's grip. "Ueno, don't we need to stop by the pet store before we take him home?"

"Yeah." Ueno shoved his hands into his pockets. "Nice to see you again. I promise to stop by sometime soon."

"Right. It was nice to meet you, Aki."

"Yes." Aki left his reply at that, pressing the kitten to his chest and zipping his coat before leaving the other two occupants behind. "I'll be outside."

Ueno wasted no time following him through the door and out of the building. It wasn't until they were making their way down the walkway and had just about reached the campus entrance before Ueno spoke.

"It's really okay to bring him back here?"

"Once he's stronger, of course."

"Right." Ueno flipped up his hood. "Hey."

"Yes?" Aki glanced sideways.

"Am I in trouble? You're not mad?"

Aki chuckled, rearranging the bundle under his coat. "Should I be?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"Not at all."

Ueno wasn't sure how to phrase his question without being offensive. Aki hadn't proven to be the most reasonable man when it came to those who interfered, but Ueno couldn't identify a single advantage to bringing up the negative, even though they would be the easiest examples to use.

Ueno was spared the difficulty of making that decision. Aki stopped in his tracks and turned. "You were expecting me to be angry with how she acted, and take it out on you, I'm guessing."

Ueno stared at his shoes, unable to reply.

"I can't blame you, really. But I was standing right there, and you did nothing to encourage her, so I can't be upset with you."

Ueno's sigh of relief was audible, but as they climbed into a cab, he wondered if he should be relieved at all.

"But if you'd agreed, I'd have to kill you."

Ueno sighed. "Of course."

After a very brief trip to both the grocery store, as well as a pet shop, kitten nestled under Aki's coat and undetected the entire time, they were back at home.

Aki's predictions for the afternoon were brought to a screeching halt. He was seated on the carpeted floor, syringe in hand, feeding the kitten some formula, when a sharp rapping on his door teased a groan from his lips.

Ueno unintentionally echoed him. "Really? I thought he wasn't going to be back until tonight."

"Shh. Don't answer the door or make any noise," Aki made the suggestion forcefully, more like a command, "and he'll go away."

"You think that's going to work?" He did as told, sitting still, pen raised over his homework, as if his scribbling was audible from outside the door.

There was a jingling sound as the doorknob was tested.

"If you don't want him in here, start locking your door." Ueno hissed as the door opened. "Hi, Mira. Done shopping already?"

"Yup. How's the kitty?"

"Fine." Ueno nodded in Aki's direction. "He's eating."

"You're back early." Aki remarked, baldly voicing his thoughts. "I thought we'd have a few more hours to ourselves."

Mira lowered himself to the floor, taking Aki's cue, and then reached out and tugged on the lighter haired man's bottom lip. "We're finished for the day. Aki, pouting doesn't become you."

Aki swatted his hand away and had opened his mouth, retort prepared, when a gentle chime filled the living area.

Ueno hopped to his feet, digging his phone out of his pocket. "Same number as yesterday. I have no idea who this is." He opened the flip. "Hello? Uh-yes, that's me."

Mira and Aki both watched with varying levels of interest as Ueno opened the front door and stepped out into the hall, letting it swing shut behind him.

"Anyway," Mira said, "what's your problem? It's not like I interrupted any plans. You guys are the two most boring people in existence."

Aki glared through half-closed lids, tossing a towel over his shoulder. "For some reason, I don't take offense. Considering your idea of fun, I don't see that as an insult." He raised the kitten to his shoulder, patting it as he'd seen Ueno do the night before.

"You're adapting to having a pet pretty well." Mira switched subjects. "I never thought I'd see you burping an animal. I don't know how I feel about this."

"It wouldn't be fair for me to force Ueno to do all the work. And he's not so bad." Aki smiled gently, more at the kitten than Mira.

Mira didn't reply, and the room was silent for a few moments, until Ueno re-entered the apartment, ending his phone call.

"Yes. Yes. Sure. Thank you." Ueno gulped, pressing the disconnect button. "Aki?" Oddly, after entering, he turned towards the door, back to the other two men.

"Hmm?" Aki sat next to Mira, finished with his task, kitten now nestled in his arms.

"Last Friday, did you give anyone my phone number?"

"No. Who called?" Aki stood. "Why won't you look at me?"

"I'm sure your dad probably did." Mira supplied. "Ueno _was_ a hit, and a bunch of people asked your dad about him. This may or may not be comforting to Ueno, but he's pretty much a part of the family now."

"That makes sense." Ueno's words were spoken slowly. He became lost in his own thoughts, jumping when Aki passed ownership of the kitten to Mira and approached him from behind, tentatively resting a hand on his shoulder.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Aki inquired, plaintively.

Ueno turned, chewing his lower lip. "You're going to be mad."

Aki took a step back. "How mad?"

"Really mad." Ueno took a step as well, then another as a precaution.

Mira hadn't moved; he watched from his seat on the floor with interest. "Ueno's got a bomb to drop. This ought to be good."

Ueno ignored him; lashing out at Mira would feel good, but it wouldn't fix the issue at hand. This was a problem that only a spine could resolve, and Ueno had lost his own during that phone call.

"That was your aunt."

"Which aunt?" Aki asked carefully. "I have a few aunts."

"Kanoko's mom. She's been trying to call me since yesterday."

"Okay." Aki barely moved, but his body stiffened. "Go on."

Ueno cleared his throat. "Um-well, she wanted to know if I was- um, she asked me if I- tomorrow night, there's a-"

Aki lips were pressed tightly together, his hands gripping his hips. "Ueno, I swear, if you don't-"

"Dinner and a movie. Some foreign love film that's gotten excellent, glowing reviews, Italian food in a rustic, old country setting, and-"

Aki, already impatient, stomped his foot and spoke sharply. "Spit it out."

The words tumbled from Ueno's lips. "I have a date. Heh."

“Boom.”


	22. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Ueno stared hard at the carpet, Aki stared hard at him, and Mira switched his attention from one man to the other, staring hard at both of them. The room was silent, as if waiting for someone to pop up out of nowhere and announce they were on some hidden camera show. This had to be a joke.

Aki spoke first, hands still squeezing his hips. "I'm not sure I understand. How exactly did you end up with a date?" His voice was calm, but held the possibility of becoming something terrifying if Ueno didn't answer him correctly.

"I don't know. Well, yeah, I do." Ueno hung his head. "She asked me how I was, and I said fine. She told me that she knew your cousin had wanted to try out a new restaurant, and that there was a movie out she knew your cousin wanted to see. I said 'that's nice'." Then _bam_ , she said to be ready by six tomorrow night."

"There are some major gaps in your story. Either that, or she ran you over, which I can’t put past her." Aki said. "You couldn't have just told her you didn’t want to go?"

Ueno finally raised his head. "I couldn't; I didn't know _how_."

"Why not? You had no problem turning down miss-veterinary-technician-in-training this morning, and she practically threw you over her shoulder."

"She did _not_." Ueno strode past Aki to the couch, where he sat heavily and buried his face in his hands.

"Yes, she _did_ , but I'm not even criticizing you about this morning. You turned her down, which is why I don't understand why you let yourself be manipulated tonight." Aki bit his lip. "You'd better call her back and get out of it. I don't care how you do it, just do it."

"Wait!" Ueno brightened. "I have to work tomorrow night, so there's no way I can go anyway. I'll just call back and tell her the truth." He was almost giddy as he fished out his phone and scrolled through his list of recent calls before selecting the correct number, and he almost skipped out of the apartment back into the hallway to make the phone call.

He returned minutes later, triumph shining in his dark eyes. "Done. I'm off the hook." He tossed his phone aside.

Aki rolled his eyes from his chair. "For now, maybe. Don't think that she won't try again."

"Ah, well. Now that I recognize the number, I don't have to answer." Ueno scooped up the kitten. "Bedtime, buddy." He disappeared into the bedroom, humming a cheery, off-key tune.

Aki closed his eyes and tilted his head back. He could hear Ueno's voice as he chattered cheerfully to the kitten. As intelligent as his boyfriend was most of the time, he still didn't _understand_.

"Hey, Aki?" Mira had been quiet during Aki and Ueno's dialogue, but spoke up once Ueno had left the room. “How much do you want to bet that your aunt is already planning something else?"

"There's no point in betting. She _is_ scheming."

"She's like a junkyard dog; one she sinks her teeth into your ass, there's no letting go until she's lost interest. I feel kind of sorry for Ueno, to be honest. He has no-"

The sound of the bathroom door being shut silenced Mira's musings, and seconds later, Ueno appeared in the doorway. The three of them turned at the sharp knock of the front door.

Mira raised a brow. "You expecting someone else?"

Aki shook his head, at a loss. "No."

"Maybe your aunt beamed herself here to carry Ueno back home."

"Shut up and get the door."

Mira glared. "Come in," he hollered from his seat.

Ueno shrugged. "It's not like the door is ever locked anyway. You may as well have a _come on in_ sign outside."

The door opened slowly, and a dark head peered through the small space. "Anything crazy going on in here?"

Aki sighed. "Dad."

Aki's father shut the door behind him. "Mira has no obligations, but why aren't you two in class?"

Aki didn't bother asking why, if his father had assumed they were both at school, he'd come up to the apartment. He'd probably seen them in the lobby.

"They're feeling the spirit of their youth, and decided to rebel for a day, getting me settled in and all that." Mira provided helpfully. "You remember how that was, don't you?"

"That's nice." Aki's father gave an effervescent smile. "Skipping isn't necessarily a crime as long as your grades don't slip, but don't make it a habit."

Aki crossed his legs and gazed quizzically at his father. "You're here because…?"

The older man shook his head. "I'm happy to see you too, but as much as it may hurt your feelings, I'm not here just to see you." He turned to Ueno. "I hear that your company has been requested."

Aki tapped a foot. "Word travels fast."

"Oh, yes. What's the verdict, kid?"

Ueno bowed his head. "Well, I couldn't accept. I have to work tomorrow night."

"Did you attempt to reschedule?"

Mira piped up. "He just canceled." He stood and walked over to Ueno's side, patting his back. "Honestly, he's too keen on going."

Ueno was unable to contribute, but he did nod weakly, and Mira continued. "We don't know all the details, but I think Ueno is a bit intimidated."

"I _see_." Aki's father frowned, but his eyes twinkled nonetheless. "And poor Ueno here, saved by employment."

"I had to cancel, but I really don't have time to reschedule either." Ueno explained haltingly. "I have classes, homework, a job, and that leaves almost no time for myself. And when I do have time, I need to do things at home, see my family..." He was quick to perform damage control, lest his boss believe he was unhappy with his job. "I'm not complaining, though. I just- I don't have the time."

If possible, as Ueno rambled on and on, Aki's father appeared even more amused. "I understand completely, son. Maybe I could help you out."

"What are you going to do?" Mira spoke again on Ueno's behalf, and Aki suspected the reason was that he didn't expect Ueno to speak for himself. "You gonna tell auntie to back off or something?"

Aki's father snorted. "Please. Like that would work. Anyway, since I like you, I'm simply going to do you a favor."

Ueno started at him expectantly.

"I'm giving you the night off."

A noise of disgust, from deep within, came from Aki's direction. Mira coughed to disguise his laughter, swinging an arm around Ueno's shoulders. Ueno simply groaned quietly.

"What?" Aki's father looked bewildered. "Since our Ueno here is so hard pressed for time, I want to give him an opportunity to enjoy himself every now and then. Besides, after spending a little time alone, he may discover that he likes her. Come here; I want to talk to you about something." He motioned Ueno over, and then urged him into the kitchen.

"I may be old," he began, fishing around in the pocket of his suit jacket, "but I'm no fool. Do you know what's open out here after ten on a weeknight?"

"Kanoko's le-"

" _Quiet_ , Mira. Whether you're right or wrong, I won't say. But you _are_ stealing my spotlight." He thrust a small, cool piece of metal into Ueno's palm. "Floor six, room six-eleven."

" _Huh?"_ Ueno blurted, incredulous.

" _That's_ what's open, kid. Just in case you guys end up together kind of late, and need some place to… talk, or whatever you kids do on a first date these days. Whatever it is, I imagine it isn't a trip to the fair. I'm giving you the room now, just in case you need to… prepare. You know, dust the sheets with baby powder, sprinkle some rose petals on the bed, set up video recorders; lover man stuff. Just remember that while the room is on the house, unidentifiable stains and broken furniture _will_ be deducted from your paycheck."

Ueno attempted to shove the key back into his Satou-san's hand. "I don't need a room, sir. Really."

Aki's father refused the offering. "You never know. I've learned from experience that until you trust a woman as forward as Kanoko, you shouldn't show her where you live. It's safer here." He winked. "And if you don't end up using it, you can just return it to the front desk."

At an absolute loss for words, Ueno again bowed his head and pocketed the key. He was suddenly exhausted and arguing with his boyfriend's father would prove to be even more tiring. "Thanks." This couldn’t be happening. As wacky as Aki’s father was, there was no possible way the man would condone an employee carrying on with a girl in his own establishment. There were so many things wrong with this picture.

"Anytime, son." He left Ueno in the kitchen and made his way to his next victim. "Aki."

Aki, massaging his temples, looked up at his father. "What?"

"You also have an obligation. This Friday. We're taking another trip up to visit your sister."

"Overnight?" Aki didn't bother protesting.

"Overnight, at that hotel your mother likes so much. And if you try to weasel out of it, your mother _will_ kill you, and that's a promise. Got it?"

 _That's where Aki gets it from_ , Ueno thought dimly.

"Okay." Aki didn't have the heart, energy, or motivation to put up a fight.

Mira, annoying as he tended to be, nonetheless attempted to lighten the mood. "This Friday, huh? I'll take care of Ueno for you. He can come to my party."

"Party?" Aki's father cocked his head. "Here?"

Mira switched his approach. "I guess party is a strong word. It's a _very_ small gathering of my closest friends to celebrate my move. Mainly an excuse for gifts, you know. And of course, since Aki's abandoning Ueno, I'll save him from his loneliness and introduce him to some of my friends."

"The same rules that apply to Ueno apply to you, then." Satou-san smoothed his suit jacket. "And I think it's wonderful that you three are getting along. Maybe you'll all end up best friends. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Mira gain coughed to keep his mirth a secret. "That would be something, wouldn't it?"

"Oh yeah." Ueno nodded, then muttered almost inaudibly, "something disgusting."

Aki stood. "I really don't feel well. Excuse me."

"Is my child having a bad day?" Satou-san said after Aki disappeared into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

"He's tired." Ueno provided, playing dumb. "I don't think he got much rest last night." He knew Aki hadn't slept much; neither of them had, so while not especially accurate, it was a safe answer to give.

"And you know how Aki turns into a big baby whenever he's sleep deprived. Hang out with us for a minute. When's the next party?"

"Kid, I think I'm still recovering from the last one, if you want the truth. It takes us old folks a little longer to recover. You hinting at a birthday party of your own? We could have it here."

The bedroom door opened. "You're still here, dad?"

"I was just preparing to leave." Satou-san hastily made for the door.

"Wait."

"Hmm?" Satou-san turned and stared at his child in confusion. "What is it?"

"Do you have some time?"

"I always have time for my son."

"Good. How do you feel about a little shopping?" As Aki left the bedroom doorway, Ueno noticed he'd shrugged into a jacket and restored order to his hair.

Ueno and Mira exchanged a confused glance.

"Shopping for what, exactly?"

"Well," Aki began, a strange smile taking over his lips, "Ueno has a hot date tomorrow and I don't think he has anything acceptable to wear to a fancy Italian restaurant. I was thinking we could help him pick out an outfit."

"You want me to come?" Satou-san's forehead wrinkled. "What help could I possibly provide? My taste in fashionable clothing for the younger generation is a bit dated, don't you think?"

"Not at all, dad. In fact, I think you'd be a _big_ help."

Aki's shift in attitude left the other three occupants peering at each other in befuddlement. Aki's father actually scratched the back of his head, eyes wide as saucers.

"Aki, I can manage." Ueno said. "I'm sure I'll find something at home."

"Oh, no. I insist. I want to make sure that you look your best. A smooth outfit is important. Don’t you want to make sure you’ll get to use that key?" Aki smiled a wide, unfamiliar smile that frightened him just a bit. "What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't help you score?"

"That's the spirit!" Aki's father pumped his fist. "Come on, men. Let's go help Ueno get some."

This was unreal. Ueno had buckled himself in the backseat of Satou-san's black luxury car, staring gloomily through the tinted window at the receding hotel, then the rapidly passing buildings. Mira was seated next to him, with Aki in the front seat next to his father, who chattered away as he navigated the roadway.

"What the hell is going on?" Mira spoke quietly, mindful of the occupants in front of them. "Is Aki's camera out of film? And Aki’s dad is crazy, but not this crazy. There has got to be some other explanation for this.”

Ueno didn't look his way. He merely shrugged and continued watching the passing scenery, not completely processing Mira's question. "I've never even seen Aki with a camera."

Mira shook his head. "Never mind."

They both sat in silence for the remainder of the trip, up until they arrived at Aki's chosen destination; a department store Ueno had passed by but never felt the urge to enter. Aki mentioned as they entered the facility that he wouldn't be caught dead there, but it would work fine for Ueno's needs.

Ueno debated whether or not he should take offense to the comment, and then decided to ignore it. He allowed himself being dragged along while Aki and his father discussed clothing options and Mira trailed along behind them.

He kept his mouth shut until he and Aki were alone in a spacious fitting room. Aki insisted that he should come in and help Ueno change; he wouldn't know how to handle nicer fabrics.

So Aki stood back, chin resting in the joint between his thumb and forefinger, while Ueno wiggled into his first pair of slacks.

Ueno sighed. "What's gotten into you?"

"I can't send you out on a date without the proper attire." Aki waited until Ueno shrugged into the top he'd chosen with the pants, and then wrinkled his nose. "Those pants don't work. Try on the next pair."

"Aki, I'm not trying to impress her."

"I'm glad to hear that; it means we're on the same page." Aki approached him.

"What do you mean? Screw this." Ueno hissed, all the while tugging the extremely tight pair of pants over his hips. "You've lost your mind. You know what? I’m done. I don’t know why I even agreed to come here with you guys. And why I am trying on these pants?"

"Wrong." Aki gripped the belt loops. He viciously yanked upward, with no regard to his boyfriend's nether region, drawing a pained gasp from Ueno's throat. "You've lost yours."

"Oww! _Stop._ They're not going to go any higher!" Ueno covered Aki's fussy hands with his own. "What- all of a sudden you want me to go out with her?"

Aki stopped. "Excuse me? I'm just trying to help."

"The hell you are." Ueno shook Aki's hands free.

"What do you want from me?" Aki grabbed his own hips. "You insisted on going on this date, not me. As your best friend, it's my job to be supportive. Now; do you like the blouse?"

Ueno narrowed his eyes. "Guys don't wear blouses."

"You do." Aki curved his lips upward in a wicked smile that did more damage to Ueno's privates than his new pants. "I found that top in the women's section. It's got a little accent around the collar, but that color makes your skin look even darker. And it's still kind of androgynous, don't you think? That’s in right now."

He waited for Ueno's reply.

"Maybe for a visual kei superstar. What is your problem? I know you don't believe that I'm actually happy about this."

For a moment, Ueno thought Aki might actually answer him honestly. His smile faded. "You really don't understand why I have a problem?"

"You know I'm not interested in going out with her. I'm jus-"

"I know, I know. You're just trying to be nice. You just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or ruffle any feathers. You just want everyone to be happy. Well, if this is the price I have to pay for having such a _nice_ boyfriend, I'd rather you be an asshole." Aki straightened the collar of the blouse. "Now come on. Dad and Mira want to see how you look."

"Fuck me." Ueno turned and lightly began banging his head against the fitting room wall.

"My, my. Running through lines for your date?"

In the end, as Ueno sat in the backseat, he felt strangely hollow. Something about Aki's words bothered him on a level that he wasn't able to identify.

Through their dinner, a male bonding experience as Satou-san called it, Ueno sat lost in thought. Aki's father and Mira talked enough for the four of them, as Aki was silent as well, brooding while he moved his food around on his plate. Ueno did the same, his appetite and nerves completely shot.

Sure, he understood why his acceptance- or simply a lack of refusal- of the invitation would rile Aki, but didn't he understand? Ueno hadn't agreed; he'd merely been bulldozed, too disoriented and confused to voice a refusal. And if he'd thought to refuse, how would he have done it? As Aki had said, Ueno didn't want to hurt anyone. What harm could one dinner do?

His relief was physical as he unfolded himself from his seat and exited the vehicle, waving as Satou-san eased out of the driveway, headed home for the day.

Aki immediately snatched Ueno's shopping bag from his hands and headed for the hotel entrance. When Ueno made to follow, Mira wrapped his fingers around his wrist, thwarting his attempt.

"I'm going to have a smoke. Come with me."

"I need to talk to him. I’ve got to stop this somehow."

Mira shook his head. "I think you'd better leave him be, just for a few minutes."

"But he's mad." Despite his protests, he followed Mira around the side of the building.

"Hell yeah, he's mad. What do you expect?" Mira bent his leg at the knee, propping a foot against the wall before leaning back. He fished a cigarette from his pack and lit it, inhaling before continuing. "You'd be just as pissed if you were in his position."

"I'd try to understand why he had to do it. If he had a good reason-"

Mira exhaled, sending tendrils of gray wafting into the cool evening air. "You don't _have_ to do anything you don't want to. You don't have to go on this date, and you don't have to humiliate yourself tomorrow night by wearing that ridiculous, _flaming_ outfit that Aki picked out for you- and made _you_ pay for! You know he's punishing you; he doesn't like that getup any more than you do. You could have stopped all this. You're one of those annoying people pleasers that I usually can't stand."

"What's wrong with that?" Ueno folded his arms.

"Sometimes people pleasers are so hell bent on making the whole world happy, that some folks end up forgotten, or you get stomped on. Besides, what's an acceptable reason for dating your boyfriend's cousin?"

Ueno didn't think a fight was on the horizon; Aki hadn't seemed in the mood for it. He'd been much calmer than Ueno expected, but he had to admit he was apprehensive about returning upstairs, and he pondered going to his own apartment for the night. "Maybe I should sleep at home tonight."

Mira shook his head. "You think a night alone will help him cool down? A bit of advice from the guy who has known Aki for years: you _never_ leave him alone for too long when he's upset. I suggest you just hang out with me for a little while, and then go back to Aki's apartment and deal with this. If you go home tonight and leave him alone, you'll just make it worse. That pretty little head will get to cranking, and there's no telling what craziness will come out of it."

"What was I supposed to do?" Ueno sighed. "I can't make everyone happy."

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you? Who said anything about making everyone happy? I refuse to believe you're that stupid. There are people, myself included, who are willing to bend over backwards to give Aki what he needs, but for some reason, he only wants you. Your problem is that you're trying so hard to avoid upsetting everyone else that you’re not worrying about someone much more important. This goes beyond accepting an invitation from Kanoko. _Way_ beyond. If you don't want to fuck this up, you better figure out what you did wrong." Mira held out his cigarette. "Want a drag?"

"Hell, no." Ueno waved his hand, quite fed up with the day's turn of events.

"Why not? You look like you could use it."

"No thanks." Ueno shook his head. "I'm going inside."

"Come on. It'll help calm your nerves a little. Always works for me."

"No! Quit waving that nasty thing at me."

"There you go." Mira grinned. "One more time."

"Huh?"

Mira tossed his cigarette aside. "You are _so_ dead."


	23. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Why did matters seem to improve, but for each step in the right direction, Ueno seemed determined to take those famous and popularly mentioned two steps backward? He did it without trying but it still happened, and with alarming frequency these days.

Monday afternoon and night had been blissful. Tuesday had started out lovely. Tonight was a completely different story and in the blink of an eye, he was back to yearning for what currently passed as normal and wondering what he'd done to deserve this.

Isn't this why Ueno usually graciously bowed out of any relationship that had more than its fair share of drama in the past? Then again, in the past, he hadn't been the one who caused the drama. Maybe Aki was now in Ueno's position, questioning the benefits of their attachment to one another, and maybe those benefits wouldn't stack up in comparison to the issues they'd experienced, were experiencing, and would experience.

The restaurant made Ueno's scalp itch. It was an attractive establishment, tastefully decorated, lit candles with their small flames waving gently, flickering light bouncing off walls and surfaces. Muted conversation didn't drown out the music, which added yet more elegance- to those who appreciated this crap- yet Ueno was experiencing a form of culture shock. This place was not for the likes of him but that was okay, because he didn't want it to be.

He didn't want to sit in the high backed chair snubbing his nose like everyone else, talking about social events or trips outside of the country. He didn't want to sit another minute in his tight-ass slacks of undetermined fabric that threatened to render him impotent. He yearned to hole up at home in his own apartment, rip off his clothes and slide into some oversized, soft sweats. Or better yet, he yearned to hole up in Aki's apartment and find solace with Aki and their new addition. Donating blood, a fist fight with a drunk, a voluntary lobotomy, sampling Aki's rare and horrifying attempts at cooking, even a colonoscopy. Anything but this.

Ueno was behaving admirably; he was a wonderful companion that ingrained good manners required him to be, but his thoughts were elsewhere. He smiled when she did, asked idle questions in regards to her background and schooling, and laughed when he felt it was appropriate.

The two of them hadn't yet been waited on; apparently Wednesday night was a busy time for the establishment.

Ueno had tried to delay the removal of the heavy, lengthy coat he'd insisted on wearing to hide his top, but had grown uncomfortable, the normally comforting wool causing his arms to itch and his temperature to steadily rise.

He hadn't missed Kanoko's expression as she took in his attire, her mouth forming a small _o_ , her eyebrow twitching as if it was attempting to raise itself and she was physically stifling the movement. She won the battle quickly enough and made no comment. Even if she had, Ueno wouldn't have blamed her.

Ueno doubted he'd be able to eat. He'd felt sick earlier that evening when Satou-san presented him with the bouquet of roses to give to Kanoko and his appetite had not yet returned. Emotions warred inside him. First, he'd felt childish that he'd forgotten to buy them on his own; a gentleman would have remembered. Then he grew angry, wondering why he should _have_ to buy her anything in the first place; the date was just a farce anyway.

Ueno had been struck by her good looks; at Aki's party, for one reason or another- or many- he hadn't taken notice. Now, sitting across from her with nothing else to do, he openly studied her, only truly aware of his actions after she cleared her throat and he was jolted back to attention.

And then there was guilt because as he sat across from her, becoming more engaged in their conversations, he realized that Kanoko was a very smart young woman. Suddenly the common family opinion regarding her exploits and disdain for discretion didn't seem very important.

"Did you say something?" Ueno folded his hands in his lap, feeling so out of his element that it took conscious effort to keep panic from setting in. This restaurant wasn't him, with its soft music, dim lights, and uniformed, stoic waiters. He’d rather be in a loud izakaya belting out songs on a karaoke platform, surrounded by his circle of friends.

Kanoko nodded, watching him curiously. "I asked how you met Aki. I know you both go to the same school, but did you meet during a class you had together, just bump to each other on campus, or what? I can't imagine the two of you having much in common."

 _Great_. She had to focus on Aki. He was the one person Ueno thought about most, but wanted to talk about the least.

"How come?"

"Well, Aki isn't _mean_ , but he's not exactly outgoing." Kanoko spoke as if that should be common knowledge. "And you're much friendlier and more approachable than him. What do you two even talk about?"

"Aki is very friendly if you approach him the right way and he trusts you." Ueno felt compelled to defend his boyfriend, though Kanoko wasn't out and out insulting him. "We never have a problem finding anything to talk about."

"I wasn't trying to put him down." Kanoko hurriedly added. "I love Aki; he is my cousin, after all. But he really doesn't seem to like many people these days, myself included. You _did_ see how he treated me at his birthday party, didn't you?"

Ueno felt his cheeks begin to heat up. "Uh, y-yeah, I do."

"That was all I meant." Kano fingered the petals of her bouquet absently. "Although, he did come to my defense when I was younger and people used to make fun of me."

"Yeah?" Ueno cocked his head. "Make fun of you how?"

"About my weight."

Ueno caught himself halfway through his nod. "Ah." She was surprisingly candid.

"I was a fat teenager." Kanoko smiled at the recollection. "Now that I'm mentioning it, Aki was a lot nicer to me when we were younger, or maybe it was that, _I can be mean to her, but no one else can_ rule that families have. Aki was one of the few people who told me I was beautiful _before_ I lost the weight, and would tell off anyone who tried to make me feel bad. I wonder where that supportive Aki went."

"It's hard to picture Aki cursing at anyone." It was also hard to picture Aki being supportive of Kanoko, but Ueno declined to vocalize the thought.

Kanoko smiled. "Aki has a sharp tongue; he just picks and chooses when to use it. He can make people cry without raising a hand, and that's a useful skill to have. He doesn't use that skill much; you have to be worth the trouble for him to make the effort."

"Hmm." Ueno sipped at his water, imagining Aki engaged in a word battle with an unsuspecting idiot. "Sounds like you two were close when you were younger."

"We got along, at least. Mira was even nicer to me back then." Kanoko shook her head. "That fathead. I can't believe he kissed you right there in front of everyone."

"Me either." Ueno said, smiling despite the memory.

"Have you decided what you want to order?"

Ueno scrabbled for his menu. "Sorry. I haven't. I'm not familiar with most of this stuff."

"Me either." Kanoko frowned. "I don't care for Italian food."

"What?" Ueno snapped his menu shut. "Your mom said you wanted to come here."

Kanoko shook her head. "My mother chose the restaurant. She just told you that. I have no overwhelming desire to eat here, or to go see that silly movie, either. She tries to make me look a lot more dignified than I really am, probably to make me seem more attractive to men with status and wealth or something."

That didn't make much sense, as far as Ueno was concerned. He wasn't exactly a well-to-do guy who could afford to take a girl to restaurants such as this on a regular basis, so the need to impress him seemed silly. All the same, Ueno found himself sinking into his cushioned seat, relaxing unexpectedly. "But that's not really what you want?"

"If my mother had her way, I'd be a married mother of two by now."

Ueno spoke without considering pleasantries. "That's not what I asked."

"No, I don't suppose it was." Kanoko looked away. "That _is_ what I want, but not right now."

Ueno waited for her to continue. "Meaning?"

"Meaning that I don't need a man for anything other than… well-"

Ueno let out a breath. "You mean a lay." So she'd come on this date with the intention of getting lucky.

"Not the most ladylike thing to say, is it?" Kanoko smiled, tilting her head to the side. "I feel like I can be honest with you. I like to have fun. I do want to get married at some point, but I'm not in any rush."

Ueno stared at the dark-haired woman across from him, more than a little stunned. "Then _why_ did you-"

"Come on so strong? I guess by habit. It sounds silly, but sometimes I feel like my mother is controlling my movements, like I'm just a body carrying out her wishes. And most of the time, I don't notice I'm doing it. As for the kiss, I did it because I wanted to." She left her explanation at that.

The admission was oddly comforting. Ueno sat up straight. "Do we have to eat here?"

"I'd rather not. Where would you like to go instead?"

"Anywhere but here." Ueno spoke passionately. "This isn't my thing. At all."

"I didn't think so." Kanoko bit her lip. "Since we're being honest with each other, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Ueno studied her face; she looked as if she was fighting laughter.

"Did you pick out that outfit yourself?"

"Hell, no." Ueno said quickly, and then lowered his voice. "Aki did."

"Interesting. Aki has always had perfect taste, but it might be smart to refuse his assistance from now on."

Ueno chuckled. Of course, he took no offense, and planned on following her advice. Her sense of humor and understanding were calming. However, as they left the restaurant, he couldn't help but think that it could only guarantee that the night would inevitably get worse, because he was beginning to _really_ like her. That made what he was doing much more diabolical.

"Aki? You alive in there?"

"Yes."

His front door had been left cracked open, a result of Mira popping in to check on him every so often. Aki didn't mind the attention, not that night; he wasn't keen on being alone, but didn't want a babysitter. The routine worked well enough.

He'd sequestered himself into the corner of the couch, legs curled up Indian style, kitten in his hands. Never mind the fact that the kitten would have been better off in his heated bed; Aki could keep him warm. Stroking that little body, fur soft between his fingers, made him feel marginally better.

He remained staunch in his refusal to look at the clock; he didn't want to know how long Ueno had been gone. It was difficult, though, and Mira was a welcome distraction.

"Good." Mira peered through the crack in the door. "How are you holding up?"

"Fine." Aki watched Mira slip though the doorway. "It's not like this is going to kill me, you know."

"No, but you look mad enough to kill someone else."

"You're funny."

"Come on. The kitten's been fed, so let's go out and do something."

"No thank you." Aki didn't feel like moving, feeling better, or being distracted from his anger; he wanted to stay home and pout.

"Aki, you need to get out of here for a while. All that brooding is going to drive you nuts. Let me treat you to a movie, dinner, _something_. Whatever you want."

"No."

"So you're going to sit here all night pissed off?"

"I'm not mad."

"Then tell me what's got your face all screwed up like that, because you look pretty mad to me."

Aki unfolded himself, kitten carefully balanced in the crook of his arm. Without a word, he left the room, returning the kitten to his blankets. Ueno had told him that the kitten was fine left alone in his bed, that he would sleep most of each day, but Aki couldn't help wondering if some cuddling with be of benefit as well. Or maybe he was just being selfish because he needed some cuddling too.

Mira was still standing, arms crossed, when Aki returned to the living area.

"Even if you weren't all upset, don't you get tired of hanging around here all the time? It's like you two are in hiding or something."

"We are _not_ hiding. Shut up." Aki couldn't put his finger on exactly irked him so badly about Mira's observation.

"What?" Mira asked, genuinely puzzled. "What did I say?"

"I have no idea."

"It's okay that you're upset. But you know Ueno isn't interested in your cousin. He's just trying to carry out his good old boy role. He can't stand to disappoint anyone; you know that." Mira finally made his way to the couch and sat down. "He loves to take care of everyone else."

Aki stalked to the refrigerator and snatched up a bottle of water, muttering under his breath.

"What was that?"

Aki took a deep breath. "What about me?"

Mira cleared his throat. "What _about_ you? He loves to take care of everyone, but he _lives_ to take care of you, or haven't you noticed?"

"I know, I know." Aki joined Mira on the couch.

"Then what exactly are you bitching about? If you know, then what's the problem?"

Aki twisted off the cap and raised the bottle to his lips. "Was he really just trying not to upset my family? Why should he even care what they think?"

Mira held out his hand and without a word, Aki passed him the water bottle. Mira took a swig before answering. "He could have just told them that he was seeing someone else or that he wasn't interested in dating, but being the upstanding guy that he is, I think Ueno has a problem lying. That, or it doesn't occur to him fast enough. He should work on that."

"And?" Aki found himself irritated with Mira's rambling in most cases, but he'd known Mira long enough to understand that within most of his babbling, there was a message that normally rang true. If only Mira would get to the point.

"And… I think Ueno felt he had two choices. One: he could tell them the truth about you two. Two: he could agree to the date and get the world off his case, thus avoiding further questioning."

"But _how_ does that work?" Aki ran his fingers through his hair, agitation making the motion shaky. "How does that get him off the hook? What happens if she ends up liking him even more? What if he doesn't turn down the next invitation, or the one after that? What if she ends up thinking that they're a couple?” _What if he realizes he misses breasts? What if he starts to like her? What if he decides that being with her isn't so bad?_

"That's a whole lot of _what ifs_. Yep; he is making things worse for himself. But I don't think he's thought things out that far. Fear does that to people, right? But, you can't blame him for trying."

"Are you defending him?"

"No, no; I'm not defending him. Okay, maybe a little. Ueno's intentions are good, Aki, but he's just doing a shitty job of handling the situation because he's probably afraid to just admit that you two are together."

"So what should I do?"

"You can dump him."

There was dead silence while Aki glared at his ex-lover. For a moment, he'd actually thought Mira would give him some helpful advice, but he should have known better. He didn't often use obscenities, but this situation seemed to call for it. He took a deep breath and although his words were whispered, they were laden with intent.

"And y _ou_ can go to hell."

"Is that a refusal? Well, then you have to accept it."

"Thank you for the advice." Aki leaned back and raised his head toward the ceiling.

"You're tired of hiding."

Aki didn't answer.

"That's your problem. You've had some crazy experiences and most of that stuff isn't safe to tell anyone, even your family or friends. By some weird stroke of luck, you've managed to turn things around a little bit, and you're actually in a healthy relationship- sort of- and you're happy being with him. The fact that Ueno is willing to go out on a date with someone in order to avoid admitting to your family that he loves you is driving you psycho." Mira propped a foot on the coffee table. "Are you ready to admit that I'm right?"

Aki examined his fingers.

"And then instead of telling him that you couldn't stand the idea, you took him shopping, made him buy that stupid getup, helped him get ready, all the while saying that you wanted to help him out, which we all know is bullshit, of course. It's just your roundabout way of humiliating and punishing him. Then, the last hour he was here, you refused to talk to him, wouldn't say goodbye to him, and wouldn't even let him touch you. You're a big old misleading mess yourself, Aki."

"What was I supposed to do? Object or support him?"

"Beats me, but don't do both, dummy. That would confuse anyone. You could have just told him how you felt, and then you wouldn't have had to do either."

"I couldn't do that."

"Sure you could. Ueno isn't one to purposely hurt anyone. He doesn't understand how bad he's making you feel. If you’d thrown the fact that he was hurting you in his face and been real obvious about it, he would have had to address it. But I don't think you understand how he's feeling either; I don't even think Ueno knows for sure. He's just acting on instinct."

"How is he feeling, then, mister know-it-all?" Aki shoved himself back into the corner of the couch, waiting for more wisdom.

"I can't say for sure." Mira tilted his head back and turned to the side to observe Aki more easily. "How much do you want to bet that he doesn't have all of the answers yet? Telling one person that he's with you means the whole family may find out. Then there will be questions, and admitting that he's gay may seem like a stretch to him because he's always been with women, and you're his first man. He might ask himself if being with one man makes him gay all of a sudden, or if he's been gay all along and just didn't realize it. Maybe he's trying to figure out if you're the only man he'll ever be attracted to. You've got to remember what that was like. Maybe he's asking himself if all the girls that he's dated ever really meant anything to him; shit, I don't know. But how can he admit what he can't even understand yet?"

“This stinks." Aki massaged his temples.

"Relationships are a pain in the ass, and your life doesn't make them any easier. I can't stress enough the fact that you're dating someone who has _never_ been with a guy before. Cut him a little slack."

Aki wondered whether or not life would be this confusing if he'd never reconciled with Ueno after being set free, if he'd called and depended on Mira instead, who understood him exponentially better than anyone else. His lips moved on their own; he said as much, and Mira didn't tease him. In fact, he seemed to give the statement some thought.

When Mira finally responded, it wasn't with words.

The last time Mira kissed Aki, it had been messy, drunken, and left Aki reeling. This time, Aki was surprised, but gone was the sloppy tangling of their tongues and rough grip. Mira rested a hand on each of Aki's shoulders and took his time; this was the type of kissing Aki remembered from their time together well over a year past.

It would be easy to lean back and just let it happen. Mira's lips were soft and sweet with only the slight tang of cigarettes, his breath warm. He wisely kept his tongue from the equation, but Mira always worked well with what he had at his disposal, so tongue wasn't even necessary.

Too soon and not soon enough, he drew back. "Was that good?"

Aki opened his eyes. "Yes. It always was."

"Do you want me to keep going?"

"Don't you dare." Aki immediately shook his head.

Of all of Mira's expressions, the last one Aki expected after rejection would have been a smile, but Mira's lips curved upward, as if he'd anticipated the outcome, and led Aki to that answer deliberately. "I didn't think so. It won't work anymore. If Ueno was the one who changed you, then being with me won't satisfy you. I'm starting to accept that. And I’m not pathetic enough to throw myself at someone who has clearly chosen someone else."

Aki nodded miserably. "But look where that's gotten both of us. How pathetic am _I_?"

"You're a mess, but you're definitely not pathetic. Hey." Mira sat up straight. "Is that your phone ringing?"

Aki nodded again. "It's in the bedroom."

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

"No."

"Man, don't start this whole depression thing on me, where you don't answer the door or your phone and hide out in your room. _That_ would be pathetic." Mira shook his head as the ringtone abruptly ceased. "What if that was someone important?" He jumped as his own phone, stashed in his pocket, trilled loudly. He quickly pulled it free, checking the display. "Hang on. It's your cousin. I bet she's calling me because you didn't answer."

Aki abandoned the couch for his favorite chair. "I have nothing to say to her right now."

"You big baby." Mira raised the phone to his ear. "What do you want? No, Aki won't come to the phone. You heard me right; I said _wont._ Uh… _huh_."

Despite having no desire to speak to his cousin, he listened to Mira's end of the conversation with blatant interest. Mira's facial expression indicated an odd explanation on the other end.

"Huh? What did you _do_ to him? You're yanking my chain." Mira lapsed into silence.

As Aki watched with mounting confusion, Mira snickered.

"Well, that's the effect you have on men, I guess." Mira rolled his eyes. "I hate you too- he said _wha-_ he seriously called you that?"

Mira burst into coughing, whooping laughter. Alarmed, Aki surged to his feet. It took a few moments before he sobered.

"Is that Ueno in the background?" Mira whistled. "Uh, okay. _Okay!_ Take away his silverware and sit tight. I'll drive, so we can be there in about a half hour. Okay, got it."

He snapped the phone shut and turned to Aki. "How long has it been since you fed that thing?"

"A little over an hour." Aki replied, confused by the change in subject. He'd had to consider his answer before speaking.

"Go top him off, and grab Ueno something to change into. We need to go, and we won't be back for a while."

"Why?"

"We have to go get your man. I think he's gone off the deep end."

Ueno rested his cheek against the table top and he felt a grittiness pressing into his skin. _Sugar or salt_ , he thought absently, noticing and not caring.

A hand, soft and gentle, patted his head. "Mira said they should be here in about twenty minutes. That's plenty of time to get your head together. Thanks for tonight, though. I know you're embarrassed, but this was the most entertaining night I've had in a long time. We should get together more often; I've always wanted a gay friend, you know."

Ueno sighed. "Why are you hoarding all the knives?"


	24. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Sometimes people proved Ueno's assumptions wrong. He'd expected confusion and possibly indignation or anger following his admission, not comfort, and he'd most definitely not expected understanding.

While mortified at having broken down and pouring his heart out to a girl he barely knew, there was that underlying elation that always came with coming clean. Regardless of the outcome, having fewer secrets to be mindful of felt good. He couldn't find it in himself to regret his action, though it had not been intended.

"Are you all right now?"

Ueno nodded sheepishly. "I wish you hadn't called him, though." He'd filled Kanoko in on the last week or so, but none of the finer details, including their meeting, most specifically. Events- both good and bad- and stressors had been unfolding at such an alarming rate in such a short span of time, so while generally happy with life thus far, he'd grown accustomed to alertness to some degree in regards to keeping his new relationship under his hat. The ability to look her in the eye and have her understand his position, regardless of her significance, was a huge relief.

"What's done is done." Kanoko cheerfully returned. "I won't tell them anything embarrassing."

"Define embarrassing." Ueno sat up straight. "When the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink and I freaked out and told her to stop putting me into situations where I'd have to make such big decisions?"

"That too, but I was referring to you were waved around knives and forks and called yourself a shameful human being. You're such a straight edge. Although," she amended, raising her eyes to the ceiling, "straight might not be the best way to describe for you at this point."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'd almost forgotten about that. I am a little old fashioned sometimes."

"I'd be more concerned with how you whined about the hot guy and kitty at home." Kanoko bit her lip at the memory. "But I think we can both agree there are quite a few reasons you could and should be a little embarrassed."

"Agreed." Ueno could clearly recall the exact moment he broke. Broke in this case hadn't indicated a typical breakdown with tears and the like, merely ranting and castigation. They had been chattering away, and Ueno had to admit he'd been enjoying himself immensely, enough to very briefly forget what was waiting for him at home.

He'd had to acknowledge that Kanoko wasn't the girl he'd expected and he wouldn't mind spending time with her in the future, but there was somewhere else he'd rather have been, someone else he'd rather be with. All that separated him from home had been the absence of a simple, single syllable word. He'd finally scrounged up the guts to use it, only he'd ended up shouting it in response to the wrong question, much too late, and to the wrong person.

No, he hadn't wanted any water. No, he hadn't known what he wanted to order. No, he hadn't needed more time to decide. And why the hell did people continue to impose situations upon him where the only choice he had was which person he could hurt or disappoint?

He wasn't in a hurry to relive the downward spiral that had been his and Kanoko's night out. At least he'd ended up with another friend. Most importantly, she was a friend that he was positive was trustworthy.

"I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my mother, though." Kanoko wrinkled her nose, contemplative. "I suppose I could just say the night was a disaster, that you were a complete jerk or something."

He gave his date a sidelong glance. "Why can't _you_ be the problem?"

"Because she'll want to know what I did wrong and try to fix it. If I make you out to be the bad guy, then my mother will focus her attention on someone else. Unless you want me to tell her the truth, of course."

"Good point, but I don't want her t-"

"You're doing it again. You can't make everyone happy; haven't you learned that by now? And just because someone isn't happy with you doesn't mean that they hate you, you know. Your biggest worry should be fixing things with my cousin and avoiding situations like this from now on, shouldn't it?"

He agreed with her logic, all too aware of his recent penchant for falling into awkward situations. "Right."

"I would like to see you again." Kanoko observed him hopefully. "On a friendly basis. I really did enjoy myself, even though things didn't work out."

"I'd like that." Ueno spoke sincerely. "Thank you for listening."

Kanoko flashed a winsome smile. "You're very welcome. Maybe sometime you could do the same for me."

When her smile began to falter and what Ueno recognized as a fleeting sadness or possibly regret passed over her pretty, delicate features, he wondered just how casual her suggestion had been. "Is there something you need to talk about?"

"Aki and Mira will be here soon. Just focus on taking care of that situation. How about I call you later this week? We can chat then."

"Sure." Ueno looked up. "If I make it out of this alive, that is. Here they come."

Aki wasn't eager to leave his apartment to rescue Ueno, not in his current mindset. He had no idea what had transpired between the two of them, but was mildly relieved to discover that whatever had taken place, the outcome wasn't good. That's what Ueno got, anyway.

Ueno didn't own any other humiliating garments so shaming him further was of out of the question and he reluctantly went through Ueno's bag, selected a comfortable change of clothes, and was promptly bum rushed out of his home.

"Why can't you go alone?" Aki buckled his seatbelt.

"That would be weird." Mira backed out of the parking space, righted the vehicle and made for the parking garage exit before lighting a cigarette. "You're going to have to talk to him sometime. And we may as well go; I'm hungry."

Having no further questions, Aki sat quietly through the short drive. He'd graduated from anger and slight confusion; now he was highly confused due to Mira's rambling, and more than a little ashamed of his own behavior.

He took a deep breath and resolved to simply play the conversation by ear and above all else remain calm and focused. If he was the big old confusing mess Mira said he was, he had to get his head together.

 _Honest and calm._ He repeated his homemade mantra the remainder of the ride and all the way to the door. The words remained present as Mira held open the door and waited for him to enter and through their march, led by Mira, to a small booth underneath a slab of dusty glass that passed for a window.

The diner wasn't the most clean or attractive, but with so close a location to the university, Aki guessed the majority of its clientele were either too drunk, broke, or a mixture of the two to care. He shook his head once before disregarding the unflattering surroundings.

Aki stopped, the small duffel bag he held swinging.

Ueno occupied the seat closest to the window, Kanoko at his side. His cousin managed a smile, but Ueno looked to the left, stubbornly staring out the grease smeared glass. Unabashed, Mira sat in the empty booth across from them.

Kanoko immediately slid from the booth and scurried to Mira's side, drawing a scowl and staunchly ignoring it.

With only one available spot, Aki very deliberately set the bag on the floor and slowly eased into his seat.

Where to begin? Two sets of eyes were trained on him, while Ueno hadn't even glanced in his direction. Aki clasped his hands and rested them on the tabletop, only to promptly remove them from the sticky surface. He wiped his hands on his jeans and all memory of his mantra disappeared, voice tinged with disdain that slipped in below his radar. "Nice place."

"We just kind of ended up here." Ueno rested his chin on an upturned palm.

"Not the classiest place you could have chosen if you wanted to impress someone." Aki crossed his legs at the knee.

Ueno ignored the jibe. "Did you bring my clothes?"

"Yes, and you're welcome. Isn't that the reason you called?"

 _Bang_. Ueno's forehead hit the table top. " _I_ didn't ask you to come."

Kanoko spoke up before Aki could reply. "Ueno didn't even know I had called until I hung up and believe me, that wasn't my primary reason for asking you to come out here."

"Why did you call, then?"

"Forget it." Ueno finally turned toward Aki, though his eyes were trained elsewhere. "Can you let me out?"

"For what?"

"To _change;_ did you bring my clothes for some other reason?"

Aki bristled.

"Aki, _move_." Ueno scooted to the right. Aki quickly turned his body to the side, planting his feet firmly into the dingy floor.

Mira shook his head, watching Ueno grunt and push while Aki leaned backward with all his weight. "Are you guys serious? Grow up a little."

Ueno glared. "I would like to change!"

"It's your own fault you're uncomfortable."

"How," Ueno huffed, "is this my fault?"

Aki fought a good fight, but was losing physical ground, grunting from exertion. "The reason you're here in the first place is because of your inability to speak up for yourself."

"You'd hate it if stood my ground, and so would everyone else."

"Are you implying that I'm bossy?"

"Both of you can stop." Kanoko tapped a spoon against her water glass. "Aki; there's no reason to fight with him. I don't know why Ueno didn't mention this to you the minute you sat down, but he told me everything. I understand now; why you tried to keep him away from me last Friday, and why you were angry with me." Unconsciously, she raised a hand and massaged the back of her head. "If I had known you were together, I'd never have let my mother bully him into going out with me."

Aki's body went slack mid tussle, and Ueno's shove sent him tumbling from the edge of his seat. He landed in an undignified heap on the peeling linoleum.

"Shit." Irritated as he was, Ueno was out of his seat in record time, helping Aki stand and brusquely brushing off the back of his pants and jacket. "You okay?"

Aki nodded, absently swatting his hands away. "You told her." His voice was soft, but Ueno heard him.

"I told her." Ueno shifted his balance from one foot to the other. "We were sitting here, but I felt so bad for not telling the truth and-"

"Go change." Aki stooped and grabbed the duffle bag by the straps. "Here."

"Are you leaving?" Ueno took the offered bag.

"No." Aki bowed his head briefly. "Go on. I'll be here."

Ueno bolted for the restroom while Aki stared at his shoes, head reeling with the knowledge that yet again, Ueno had been underestimated.

"Aki. Sit down."

"Hmm? Oh." He slowly reclaimed his seat.

"Aki? Are you still angry?" Kanoko watched him nervously. "I didn't know."

"What happened?"

"We both just wanted a quiet place to sit down and talk, so Ueno and I decided to take a walk. We passed by this place and decided to hang out here. We were just talking about boring things; our families, things we liked, things like that."

Aki nodded wordlessly.

"I'll let him tell you in detail, but he pretty much shut down all of a sudden. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that I was pretty, intelligent, and nice, and then he got all agitated. He said I was too good to sit with him." She arched a brow "He also said he didn't care what you told him; that even if I was a whore, I was a _nice_ one."

Aki studied his fingernails. "Oh."

Mira covered his mouth to hide what Aki always called his shit eating grin, but was uncharacteristically silent.

Kanoko didn't acknowledge either reaction. "Basically, long story short, the boy spilled his guts."

Aki exhaled, unaware he had been holding his breath. "Yeah?"

"Yes, and he told me how you've been acting. You should have been trying to help him."

"What a surprise; membership for Team Ueno just increased by one, even after he rejected her." Mira examined a menu. "I bet you feel real stupid right about now."

"It's not rejection," Kanoko lifted her nose, "when he wasn't available to begin with. I would expect you to be more experienced in recognizing rejection, being on the receiving end so often."

While the two of them turned on one another, Aki continued to stare at his hands, comfort and shame splitting dominance, only admitting that Mira was correct to himself. As his anger dissipated, he was able to hear his mantra again and took a deep slow breath, and then another, until the trembling in his fingers eased and he back in his happy place.

When Ueno returned, party clothes tucked safely away in his bag, he also appeared to have achieved dubious semblance of tranquility. His gait was again fluid and relaxed, although his expression bore slight unease.

Aki scooted over to make room and Ueno took his place beside him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Aki mumbled, dropping his hands into his lap.

The quartet sat in stillness until Ueno broke the silence. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.+" Ueno murmured. "I'm sorry."

Under the table, Aki's fingers unerringly found Ueno's hand and squeezed. He felt Ueno's cheek drop to his shoulder and he closed his eyes, responding in kind, his own cheek coming to rest against Ueno's thick hair.

 _How anticlimactic,_ Aki thought to himself, dazed. He'd expected fireworks. They could wait to discuss the finer details until they were free of their audience, but if Ueno could extend a public apology, he'd make an attempt as well.

"I know you had your reasons, and I'm sorry for refusing to try and understand."

"I'm sorry for not thinking of you first."

"I'm sorry for choosing that outfit. And for being so mean."

Ueno, regardless of his embarrassment, smiled. "I'll recover."

Aki whispered his next statement. "As penance, I'll let you choose an outfit for me. Anything you want."

"Anything?" Ueno snorted, but after a moment, closed his eyes and pondered. He thought hard, then tilted his head upward so his lips brushed Aki's earlobe and whispered his request.

Aki cleared his throat and as cool and unflappable as he usually was, reddened slightly. He hadn't necessarily been anticipating a real reply; it had been more of a token gesture. "You're not very vengeful." He'd spent plenty of time within the last year naked and had no reservations in parading around that way now, so he didn't see how it would balance any scales.

Kanoko cleared her throat. "I feel like I should participate. I'm sorry for getting caught in the middle, even though it wasn't my fault. At _all_."

Aki opened his eyes, directing his next apology to his cousin. "I'm sorry for trying to pull out your hair."

Ueno jumped in. "And I'm sorry for not being honest." He paused. "And for having a breakdown at the table. And embarrassing you in public. And calling you names."

Mira shrugged. "I got nothing to apologize for. Anyone else ordering?"

Ueno lifted his head. "You didn't eat tonight?"

"You went out. Who was there to feed us?" Mira proved to be adept in the ways of manipulation. "To be honest, I'd rather have your cooking than anything they have here."

Ueno observed Mira in mock consternation. "We haven’t eaten yet, either. Let's go, and I'll make you guys something."

* * *

 

Aki was happy that another week was successfully completed, but not necessarily the note in which it had ended.

The downside, of course, had been the now completed first half of his visit. The tension that insulated the entire room had choked him and made his skin crawl. It was no doubt distressing for all those involved and left Aki to wonder why his parents insisted on bringing him along. His presence had to serve as a constant reminder of what had ensued over a year ago. How was having him around beneficial to his sister's healing whatsoever?

There was truly no reason to stay in a hotel overnight; his parents simply enjoyed an occasional overnight trip, and this provided an excuse for them to visit her twice; once when they arrived, and in the morning before they returned home. Aki was privileged enough to have been given his own room and he was grateful for the privacy, but yearned strongly for home. Sleep was an alternative and would bring the trip to its conclusion more quickly, but after taking a shower and huddling alone under the comforter of a foreign bed for over an hour, he acknowledged the preferred alternative wouldn't come easily.

Now he sat awaiting the morning. He shouldn't be here.

He didn't know what prompted his action, as it was much too late to place a social call, but one moment he was holding his cel phone, running the fingers of one hand over the cool screen and the next, Ueno's voice resounded in his ear.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm okay."

"You don't _sound_ okay." Aki was able to hear faint rustling, and then a small squeak.

"What was that?"

"Oh." Aki could tell by the tone of Ueno's voice that he was smiling. "That was your kitty. You have great timing; I woke up to feed him."

"How was the party?"

"I didn't go. I went out with Haru and some friends for a little while, but I came home early. It's over anyway. He and his friends went out to drink."

"Was he fine with Mira while you were at work?"

"Of course. Mira took good care of him. Did you think he wouldn't?"

"I suppose not." Aki lapsed into silence.

Ueno took a breath. "How was your visit?"

"You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do." Ueno's voice lowered, turning gentle. "Can I ask you her name?"

"Fumi." He'd never told Ueno his sister's name?

"Is she doing well?" Ueno seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

"Yup; she's improving. She talked a little to my parents."

"But not you?"

"No, and she didn't the last time either, but why should she? It's useless for me to even try and talk to her, but my mom insisted."

Ueno, having nothing to contribute, was no doubt waiting patiently for Aki to continue. When the silence stretched onward, he finally spoke. "Do you want to talk to her?"

"There isn't any point in me even trying. What _can_ I say to her? My parents still take care of me, gave me my own place to live, give me money, you name it. Mira forgave me for walking out of him, and he still wants to be involved. You're even still here. I have everything, she has nothing, and she's much more deserving than I am."

"You said before that she was admitted because of drugs, didn't you? You also told me that no one ever paid any attention to what she said because she was under some influence. How is that your fault?"

Aki opened his mouth to reply, only to quickly press his lips together, surprise rendering him temporarily speechless. Ueno made sense to a certain degree, but Aki couldn't absolve himself of all blame.

"Aki?" Ueno spoke his name worriedly.

He recovered. "She had problems before she found out. But I helped verify everyone's opinion of her when I called her a liar. And she wouldn't have attacked him if she hadn't caught us together. She was asleep- she was always sleeping- and I told him she was in the next room, bu-" He paused, hearing what he presumed was a slamming door. "What are you doing?"

"Checking to see if Mira made it back yet," Ueno answered, "I want him to come get you. I don't think you should stay there."

"No; it's late, and I don't want to bother anyone."

Ueno sighed. "I don't want you sitting alone all night beating yourself up. Did you do this the last time you saw her?"

"I do it every day." Surprisingly, while still anxious, his admissions were doing something strange to his insides. Reliving each moment wasn't having the anticipated effect; he experienced an unfurling sensation in his chest and coolness spread outward, comforting him from the inside out. In his right mind, he'd never had mentioned how deeply his guilt ran, but Ueno's voice was so soft and bewitching, and Aki was so _tired_. It was as if the words had been drawn from him, pulled instead of pushed.

Ueno paused before speaking again. "What happened after she caught you?"

Aki, as much as he always tried to forget, could still recall her already pale skin blanching to an alarming whiteness, wide, dark eyes in stark contrast with the pastiness of her cheeks.

He couldn't blame her, not one bit. Now he was able to admit his fault. He could imagine how horrible it had been for her to catch her beloved little brother who had been her former partner in crime, tangled in the bed sheets, naked and tousled, skin flushed, with a man over twice his age hovering over him. His own distress had to have been evident; he hadn't wanted it, not then, and tried his hardest to prevent it but his master never dealt with refusal gracefully.

He shuddered, her cry of outrage echoing in his skull, still fresh even after over a year, the panicked waving of her arms vivid in his mind.

"After that, I had to perform some damage control, but that was easy." Aki frowned, his fatigue reaching an all-time high. "Of course, there was no shutting her up, so I didn't even try to convince her to keep quiet. The only thing I could do was deny her accusations. That wasn't even a problem; in my dad's eyes, neither of us could do any wrong. We both told my parents that she made it all up, and he believed us without a second thought."

Aki could feel Ueno's confusion over the air waves, feel his brain cranking away to make sense of those words, but Aki couldn't bring himself to make an attempt to cure it.

"Wait. Your dad knows him?"

That had been one hell of a slip. Aki's frame of mind altered, as if a bucket of cold water had been upturned over his head and snapped him out his stupor. "I can't talk about this anymore. I'm sorry."

"But, Aki, I-" Ueno stopped, and Aki could hear him inhale deeply, could imagine Ueno counting in order to regain control. Again, Aki understood. He'd been on the precipice of understanding almost _everything_ ; he was so close. "Okay."

"I'm sorry." Aki said again, understanding he was at fault for yet another tense moment, one that could have been prevented. He should have made small talk. He shouldn't have called in the first place. It was selfish to expose Ueno to half the truth in order to ease his own nerves and then refuse to reveal the remainder of it. It was surprisingly edifying for him, but he was sure it wasn't having the same effect for Ueno.

"Okay," Ueno said again, voice high with strain. "I promised."

Aki surmised that he wasn't angry, merely at a loss for words.

"I love you," Aki uttered, voice hushed enough to be a whisper, feeling rather low. The declaration was ill timed and nowhere near enough, but it was all he could think of to say, because it was the truth and something he could provide honestly.

Ueno heaved another audible sigh and for a split second, Aki feared that would be his only reply, but then it came. "I love you too."

Aki was somehow going to have to endure the remainder of the night and part of a day before he could find solace. Rarely since coming together had he spent a night away from Ueno, even if they were simply snoring the night away side by side, and pardon the expression; it _sucked_. Second, the knowledge that he had yet another visit ahead of him filled him with a sense of debilitating dread, made him want to claw desperately at the hotel walls even as he sat there, unmoving.

Oh, yes; due to the half bomb he'd just dropped, there was no promise that returning home would be any comfort either.

After they exchanged their formal goodbyes, Aki gently set the phone on the bedside table. He was so _stupid_ for calling without his normal mask in place. They'd both come to another understanding on Wednesday, and spent the rest of the night and the following day together amicably. Why foul that up?

And why was it so easy to keep his business to himself when it came to everyone but Ueno? He wondered how badly Ueno would take it, if Aki filled in the blanks and laid out the full truth. There weren't many holes left to fill, but they were deep.

He acknowledged that lately he'd lost hold of his good sense. He wasn't normally one to overact, and had never been prone to bouts of craziness. It must be one of those things that happened when a person began to care for another almost as much, if not more, than they cared for themselves. Add to that the fact that he was hiding something that ate at him daily, and he supposed he could blame his unstable behavior on the underlying stress that resulted.

In a final ditch attempt, Aki wished fervently for Ueno to simply drop the subject, and for no more events that would force him to clarify or explain himself any further. While he did so, deep beneath the surface, a voice told him that no matter how hard he wished or tried to prevent the inevitable, the effort would be in vain.

He was attempting to stop yet another moving train.

Another thought took over; if he was trying to halt the inevitable, was there any point? Instead of exhausting himself mentally by slowing the process, it might be to his benefit to help it along. If there was one person in this world who could possibly cope with the facts willingly, wasn't Ueno that person? And if Ueno wasn't that person, Aki figured now was as good a time as any to find out, before he grew more attached, if that was even possible.

The weeks passed and they dealt with each obstacle as it came. Little tidbits of Aki's life had been put on display, but Ueno didn't appear to be deterred in the slightest. He may not completely understand Aki, but he'd remained true to his word, forever present and supporting.

Aki allowed himself to fantasize of speaking to Ueno with no more cryptic statements or half explanations. Once the truth was laid out and dealt with, perhaps there would be no need to specifically mention it again. A wholesome existence wasn't one that he'd ever wanted or imagined for himself, particularly since becoming involved with his master, but it didn't seem as boring or unappetizing now. Life without worry might be fun.

Of course, that possibility was only attainable if Ueno wasn't disgusted into fleeing. Now he understood that he'd been moving towards this moment ever since the night he, his father, and Ueno met in the hallway, perhaps even since they'd ran into each other in school that first day. In a more vulnerable moment, he wondered if their meeting had been predetermined.

To think that revealing the bare minimum only when forced to in order to avoid the inevitable was no doubt a result of delusion; it had exact opposite result. It may have kept him out of hot water for a moment, but also taught him that if Ueno could accept one not-so-pleasant fact, maybe he'd be able to accept another.

And another, and another. A few weeks had altered his point of view just a bit; before, his life had been one he'd been sure Ueno couldn't accept. He'd been fine with that, estimating that as long as Ueno remained ignorant, life would remain status quo. What he hadn't anticipated was actually wanting to put out his dirty laundry. He wanted the facts that separated the two of them from knowing each other completely to become a non-issue. But how could he be sure of that outcome?

There wasn't any guarantee and If Ueno was going to find out anyway, it shouldn't be from Mira or anyone else, leaving Aki to perform more damage control; it seemed there was a lot of that between the two of them. Aki had to be the one to reveal his ugly deeds and the disturbing state of mind that ruled him, both past and present.

When resignation gave way to hope, Aki couldn't be certain. But now that hope had been realized, he found he couldn't let it go. The seeds were planted and the tendrils of root were spreading, grabbing hold of unseen masses, making the idea of writing off his plans of confession an absolutely hopeless one. It was exhilarating, but he was all too aware that the outcome could be disastrous.

Aki had to get home now, even if he had to use his feet and pound pavement. This was a mission that had to be accomplished before he lost his nerve.

His father hadn't necessarily been angry-merely a tad put out- when Aki knocked on their door and explained that he had forgotten about an all-day group study session of extreme importance scheduled for early that morning. It was a weak excuse, but his father accepted it easily.

He'd rubbed sleep from his eyes with one fist, and then set about getting dressed; after all, this was his son's academic future on the line. Aki then hurried back to his room, ensuring that he had packed his few belongings as his father prepared to leave.

Aki had felt a minimum of guilt at deceiving his father into taking him home, only to drive back. That guilt increased as his mother, who had also been sleeping peacefully, roused herself and insisted on joining them. They had plenty of time, his father stated, to get back and sleep a little longer before visiting hours began.

Aki stared out of his window from the backseat, unable to distinguish anything concrete in the darkness of early morning, merely acknowledging that every passing outline or mass indicated brought him closer to his home.

He'd intended to stick it out but after that phone call his restlessness reached a fever pitch and he'd had to at least try. As luck would have it, not twenty minutes had passed before they were whizzing back toward the city where the only thing that could keep Aki sane was probably sleeping as well.

That was fine. A wide awake Ueno wasn't necessary; a live Ueno in close proximity would do him just fine. The added bonus of skipping another nerve-wracking session with the sibling unit made his decision even easier.

As his father pulled into the circular driveway, he apologized for the inconvenience, all the while twitching in anticipation as the car slowed to a stop. It didn't end until he stood in front of his door and produced his key, working the lock before gently pushing open his final obstacle.

The entire apartment was dark though sunlight wasn't far away, and Aki stood for a moment after shutting the door behind him, sighing in relief. He didn't bother with lights, shoving his key ring into his pocket before making his way toward his bedroom in the darkness.

His foot connected with something as he eased his way past the couch. Aki crouched, using a hand in an attempt to identify the bulk. Unless his couch, chair or coffee table had been moved, this was a foreign object. His fingers skated along roughly edged cardboard, and then wrapped themselves around a cord.

 _The kitten's bed._ Aki realized he was holding the power cord for the heating pad.

He carefully stepped over the box, completing his trek to the bedroom and wondering why Ueno would leave the cat in the living area; they were able to respond to the kitten's cries during the night more easily with the bed placed in the bathroom.

Aki had been able to cross his living area in the darkness but he needed to change, so he flipped on the bedside lamp.

The room was empty.

He peered into the living area, the lamp providing enough light to reveal that Ueno was indeed in the apartment, spread out on Aki's sofa. One arm dangled, knuckles brushing the floor, long legs straight, calves on one armrest, head pillowed on two plump cushions.

He smiled before shutting his door and beginning to undress. It appeared they would both be sleeping on the couch that morning. Quickly donning lighter clothing, he rooted in his closet for another blanket, and then doused the lights.

He experienced no shame as he walked to the end of the couch, though he carefully crawled onto the soft cushions and draped himself over Ueno's body before covering them with the blanket. Ueno grunted, but didn't stir.

And then there was relief. Ueno's breathing was regular and deep, heat rising from his body in waves, form both solid and accommodating. Aki declined possibly waking Ueno by indulging in a kiss and simply nestled his forehead in the crook of the darker man's neck. Ueno's scent filled his nose and spread, until Aki was surrounded by it, unable to sense anything else.

The tension in his limbs slowly dissipated until lassitude had been fully achieved, his body growing heavy and his eyelids descending. Hovering on the brink but unable to fully give in to sleep, he estimated that he'd spent roughly a half-hour sprawled over his boyfriend's form before Ueno began to wake.

He snapped back to awareness quickly, opening his eyes, startled to see that at some point, the day had begun and dim light infiltrated the room.

Aki gave Ueno time to wake; he'd discovered in their time together that unless Ueno was roused by something abrupt, such as an alarm, phone, or being shaken, that he woke in increments. Restless movements, stretching and murmuring preceded the actual opening of his dark eyes.

In the meantime, Aki amused himself nicely, contentedly nuzzling the side of Ueno's neck with his nose and lips. By the time Ueno's eyes slid open and he lifted his head, wakefulness expedited by Aki's adoration, the fairer had graduated from his neck to his jaw line and chin.

Aki looked up, watching cloudiness fade from Ueno's eyes, comprehension taking its place.

"When did you get back? What time is it?" Ueno's voice was thick.

"No idea, but I haven't been here long."

"Did Mira bring you home?"

Aki smiled. "Nuh uh. I lied to my dad about having work to do, so he brought me back." He didn't mention that he'd felt the need to hurry home after their phone call. He felt badly enough, having put Ueno through undue stress and making sure there was no consequence had been the priority, to make sure Ueno wasn't agonizing unnecessarily and to clear the air, of course.

"I was worried." A hand slid across Aki's flank and settled at the small of his back.

"I'm okay now." Aki answered Ueno honestly, his lips nudging Ueno's jaw. "Everything's fine. I do want to talk to you, but we can do that later."

Ueno stilled. "About what?"

"I'm ready."

Ueno pulled away. "For?"

"To tell you what I wouldn’t say before, about what we talked about on the phone earlier; everything."

Doggedly, he continued his caresses until Ueno was inspired into reciprocation. He felt the heavy sigh Ueno heaved, felt his chest rise and fall, was aware of his head dropping back to the pillows. Two sets of fingers slid under the hem of his shirt, gliding over his skin in circular motions.

Neither of them deemed it necessary to rush. Ueno slid his hands from under the thin shirt Aki wore, choosing instead to thread his fingers through silkiness at the back of Aki's head and use his grip to draw their faces in line.

The next few moments were a blur. His eyes closed, lips moistened and bathed in warm breath, he'd been leisurely lowering his head to delight in their first kiss in days.

Only to stymied when Ueno's fingers, carded in the softness of his hair, tightened painfully, drawing a strangled gasp from his throat.

Aki froze in befuddlement while Ueno yanked his fingers free and thrashed underneath him. He raised himself, supporting his weight on his forearms and gazing down at Ueno quizzically, lips parting in mute query.

Ueno's arms came up and he pushed at Aki's shoulders, urgent, inarticulate sounds bursting from his lips; he was _trying_ to speak, but Aki couldn't for the life of him decipher his blubbering. Ueno used one arm to point toward something in the distance, and Aki craned his neck.

Aki cursed inwardly, more peeved than frightened. He carefully separated himself from Ueno and stood, blanket gathered in his hands.

Ueno jumped to his feet as well, and Aki turned toward him briefly, murmuring quietly. "It's okay, Ueno. Relax." Then he focused his attention on his visitor.

He clutched a small bag, large enough to carry a day's worth of clothing, a toothbrush, a few hair products, a book, and some homework. Aki knew the exact contents, as he suddenly recalled that he'd set that very same bag on the backseat- and apparently forgotten to bring it in with him.

"Hi, son." His father extended an arm, and Aki hesitantly accepted the offering. "Sorry to just barge in, but you left that behind." With both hands now free, he crossed his arms, alternating his attention between the two youths.

Aki was more concerned with how his father had entered without either of them hearing the door so he hadn't yet transitioned into panic mode, but he could hear labored breathing behind him; Ueno was already there.

Said door opened again, and his mother slipped inside, her lips curving into a smile as she spied Aki and Ueno. "Mira's normally an early riser, but I don't think he's home. Oh! Good Morning, Ueno. Are you studying with Aki this morning too?"

Satou-san raised his hand. "Not the best time, dear."

"Hm?" She looked toward her husband. "What's the matter?"

"Why don't I let the two of them fill you in?" His father crossed his arms again, eyes void of their standard twinkle. "I don't care who, but one of you better have an explanation prepared for… _this_ , and it better be creative."

Aki didn't grow overly concerned until he turned to Ueno. His skin paler than Aki had ever seen, he appeared to be on the verge of some sort of meltdown. His mouth opened, but no sound escaped.

"Will you excuse us?" Aki turned Ueno around, which was an easy feat. He then pressed his hands to Ueno's back and shoved, propelling them both to the bedroom.

Aki shut the door behind them and leaned against it while Ueno stumbled toward the bed, collapsing on the edge.

There was a poignant silence as the two of them stared at one another. Aki stayed where he was; touching Ueno at this point didn't seem wise. He spoke from his post against the door.

"Ueno. Are you going to be able to go back out there?"

"What if I can't?"

"There's always the window."

"That's not funny." Ueno flopped onto his back for roughly two seconds, and then snapped back into a sitting position. "You're not worried?"

"No, since we haven't even talked to them yet." Aki spoke that half-truth and watched as Ueno stood, strode over to the closet, slipped a button-down shirt from a hanger, and tossed it on the bed.

"I'm helping you pack." Ueno answered the question before Aki could ask. He flung another top, along with a pair of jeans and turned back to the closet for the next load.

"This isn't necessary." Aki raised a brow. Ueno abandoned his previous method and simply yanked clothing, along with their hangers, from the closet. "Where am I going?"

"He looked mad." Ueno's movements slowed, until he stopped altogether. "I _work_ for him!"

"You forgot?"

"That's not what I mean." Ueno was panting, and Aki finally approached, eyes wide. "You have to move, and I probably don't have a job anymore."

As Aki reached him, Ueno's pants turned to wheezes and he bent over, hands braced on his knees. "Ueno, don't do this." Aki's tone turned pleading. "You're going to upset me, and we can't both lose our minds- not at the same time."

Ueno spoke between gasps. "We c-can't fit all your crap and the cat in a cab- or in my apartment. Your place is bigger than mine. We'll be bumping into each other as it is. You're going to have to leave s-some of this stuff here."

While Ueno agonized, Aki imagined himself in the picture Ueno painted; the two of them dealing with messes, his clothes overflowing from Ueno's small closet and the two of them hanging out on Ueno's lumpy couch. Aki would try and help with the laundry and cleaning, and maybe Ueno could teach him to cook so they could prepare meals together. They went to bed together nearly every night, but to have no other option and live together officially was kind of exciting. He almost felt guilty.

"It sounds like fun." Aki put a finger to his lips, trying his luck at distraction. "Maybe I'll learn how to cook."

Ueno's head shot up. "What? Are you messing with me?"

"You didn't enjoy my salad Thursday night?"

"You boiled the vegetables. Who _does_ that?" Aki's attempt was successful; Ueno was smiling in spite of his distress.

Aki embraced him. "I know how you feel, but you can't go out there like this. _Breathe._ " He awkwardly patted Ueno's back. "Besides, this would have happened sooner or later, right?"

"Yeah?" Aki felt a frantic heartbeat as he held on, but gradually, it began to slow.

"We'll deal with it, right?" Aki looked into Ueno's eyes.

Ueno nodded slowly.

"I have to admit," Aki continued, smiling in spite of the situation waiting for them on the other side of his bedroom door, "I like the fact that your first reaction was to run off with me. I could really live with you?"

Ueno's attention was diverted and his expression turned incredulous. "Are you stupid? Where else would I let you stay?"

" _Let_? And you think I'm bossy." Ueno's response to his inquiry answered a multitude of others, ones that Aki was unable to currently address. He tightened his arms. "Does that mean even if my parents don't approve, you're not going to back down or agree to do something crazy, like agree to break up with me and sneak around instead?"

"I won't." Ueno returned, weakly returning the hug at long last.

"Are you telling the truth? No matter what?" Aki needed a promise. He couldn't face his parents with conviction if he wasn't sure Ueno would back him up. There would be no point.

"No matter what. You're first now." Ueno vowed, almost whispering.

"They're not going to just disappear, no matter how long we stay in here." Aki pulled himself free of their hug and turned. He wasn't positive that his father wouldn't go ballistic no matter how laid back he tried to be, of where he would be sleeping that night, or whether or not he would have parents after today. If they couldn't escape from the situation unscathed, Aki could very quickly be dependent on Ueno, at least until he got on his feet and planned a course of action.

He reached backward and as if on cue, Ueno immediately wrapped his warm fingers around Aki's cooler ones and they headed for the door.


	25. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

_This is bad._

Aki couldn't erase the thought, though he attempted to appear nonchalant to Ueno, trying to convince him that no matter what, everything would turn out. He stood in front of his closed bedroom door, temporarily stupefied.

Of course, underneath his unease, he was anxious to determine his mother and father's feelings and figure out whether or not he and Ueno were on their own. His father had no doubt been privy to what had been about to take place between the two of them. Nothing had actually happened, but their intentions had to be obvious. Best friends didn't rest on top of one another, didn't examine each other with loving fingers, and didn't linger with lips millimeters apart.

His relationship with his parents would take serious time to repair. Major efforts would have to be taken, most of all on Aki's part, as he was the one who erected the walls that kept them from being the loving family his parents longed for in the first place. Coincidentally, his parents would welcome any attempts, but it would be Aki who would have to work harder to accept theirs.

Aki understood, but that fact didn't make the idea of making the effort any more appetizing or the carrying out of the action any easier. Moreover, he realized in that instant he hadn't cared much until now, when he may no longer have control over their relationship. When had that changed? Had Ueno been the catalyst?

It was odd that the person who made him realize that he didn't actually hate his family, that he wanted to try and resolve their issues was the very same person who, along with Aki himself, just may be responsible for widening the gap even further.

There was the question of whether he wanted those ties to be severed, whether it be by him or his parents.

 _Yes_ , Aki staunchly told himself, if they didn't accept the two of them for who and what they were; while not without their share of issues and experiences, they loved each other. It had taken a few short weeks for him to arrive at the knowledge that this was a happiness he wanted, but it would take years at the very least for him to recover from the change, for the memories of the life he currently lead to fade, for the raw ache of loss to abate. In spite of his screwy state of mind and young age, he knew he needed Ueno. It was one of the most unlikely pairings, but that was also what made their union so wonderful.

He opened the door with one hand and squeezed Ueno's hand with the other. His chest tightened as Ueno responded in kind.

But he acknowledged at last that he needed his family, too. He and Ueno had to make them understand.

He didn't deserve this support or happiness, but since he didn't seem able to wave it off, along with the piles of shit flying around looking for appropriate locations to land, he would accept the offering and attempt to be someone worthy of the gift. He was a long way from _fixed_ , but he wouldn't get any closer without Ueno- or his family.

His parents had both gotten comfortable during his and Ueno's sidebar, with his mother settled into the armchair and his father partially perched on the armrest. His father had no doubt briefed his mother judging from her expression; her face wasn't overly hostile, but gone was the effervescent smile she'd shown when she first entered.

From behind him, Aki heard Ueno's deep breath. Hands still joined, Aki gently tugged and they exited the doorway and approached the living area, and he couldn't help but wonder if this was what it felt like marching to one's death.

His father spared him the inconvenience of having to speak first.

"Have you two gotten your stories straight?" Brow raised to alarming height, mouth drawn in an almost straight line, his father sat expectantly.

His mother folded her hands in her lap. "You two should sit down."

Aki led Ueno to the couch, where they sat side by side. This would be so much easier if they would simply ask their burning questions and allow the two of them to provide the answers.

"I should start." Aki spoke quietly, looking to Ueno as if for permission.

To give Ueno credit, he nodded steadily. He released Aki's hand briefly, abandoning their handhold in order to thread their fingers together instead. "Okay."

Aki turned back to his mother and father. "First, I guess I have to apologize for not coming out and admitting th-"

"Why," his mother interjected calmly, "do I get the feeling that if you two hadn't gotten caught, we'd _never_ have this conversation?"

"I agree." Aki's father slid from his post and began pacing along the back of the couch. "You're simply apologizing at having been caught."

"Sir, we weren't intentionally trying to keep anything from you, really. It's just-just.." Ueno stopped, at a loss for words.

"It's just that we weren't sure how you'd react, and I think we both wanted to wait until we were sure that things worked out before we told anyone." Aki was impressed with his save, but his father didn't appear satisfied.

"Aki has always been one to try my patience; I think he thrives on it. But _you_ ," his father addressed Ueno, "I'm surprised at. I've known you for such a short while, but you come across like such an upfront boy. Did he trick you into this somehow? Was this against your will?"

"Trick?" Ueno turned in his seat and stared at the older man, aghast. "No. I f-feel the same way."

Aki let out a pent up breath. So far, so good. Or something like that. The situation wasn't going well, but Ueno showed no signs of withdrawing his support, which was good.

"I see. You do understand that this means the blame falls on both of you."

"Yes, sir."

"And you also understand that this is my place of business."

Ueno and Aki nodded simultaneously.

His voice rose slightly. "There are some ways of living that are not acceptable here. We serve the public, who have certain… _views_ on certain subjects. They've paid for my house and son, they give you a place to live, put all those overpriced clothes on you and your mother's backs, and pay your tuition. If they were to see this carrying on, it could hurt my business."

That was certainly an angle Aki hadn't expected. He pulled his fingers from Ueno's death grip and pushed himself to his feet.

"Dad, Mom, I really am sorry." Aki clasped his hands. "I'd never planned to- to…" Way too accustomed to being able to talk his way out of nearly any situation and nowhere near accustomed to apologizing, he couldn't find the appropriate words.

His father tilted his head back to the ceiling. "You're sorry? My business aside, do you have any idea of the risks?"

Aki swallowed hard. "Risks?"

"Yes, risks!" His father was shouting now. "You both are far too intelligent to misunderstand what I'm trying to tell you two. Taking responsibility, as well as taking the necessary precautions, and the filth and disease that will result if you don't."

"Filth?" Ueno shot to his feet, and Aki turned to him.

 _Oh, no_. Aki wasn't completely taken aback by his father's attitude; he'd given the situation its required fifty-fifty estimate of going one way or the other. What made him the most uneasy were Ueno's dark eyes and his incredulous tone of voice.

All four members of the unexpected party jumped when his heavy wooden door shook on its hinges.

Ueno and Aki stared at one another in mutual confusion. It was way too early for anyone to stop by and Aki hadn't been expecting visitors, period.

It took a few moments before anyone moved. At the second round of pounding Ueno, already standing but reluctant to leave Aki's side, finally strode quickly to the door. Twisting the handle and pulling the door with too much force, he gaped at their newest visitor.

Aki didn't know what his cousin was doing at his door at such an ungodly hour or at all, for that matter. This was too much confrontation and stress, especially at this time of day, when they were all up and running before grade-schoolers and livestock. He watched Ueno step back and allow Kanoko entrance. He noted Ueno's strained expression, almost as if he'd been expecting her.

Then he took a moment to actually examine his cousin. It was rare for her to step out, whether it be with random strangers or family, without her hair in meticulous arrangement. Aki also very rarely saw her when she wasn't dressed to the nines, but there she was, decked out in baggy pajama pants and a thin tank top. Aki had never given much thought to the fact that we was lucky to not have to remember to put on a bra each time he left home, and after staring at his cousin for a bit, he was extremely grateful. Something had to be very wrong.

His assessment complete, he was left to consider just what was taking place in his living room. Ueno was rocking his cousin in his arms while gibberish tumbled from her lips. Ueno was speaking nonsense as well, probably more to comfort her than anything else, murmuring softly. His mother rushed to their side after snagging some tissue from the bowels of the suitcase she referred to as a handbag and his father took up the role of overseer.

That left Aki alone on the couch, too puzzled to be at all annoyed by the embrace. What the hell was going on?

He wasn't sure he wanted to know. Their attempts at comfort weren't having the expected effect; Aki was able to hear sniffles and mangled words, steadily rising in intensity. He wrinkled his as he spied Ueno accept a tissue from his mother and hold it up to his cousin's nose before commanding her to blow-which she did. _Ugh._

Aki was distracted enough by his cousin's hysterics that he didn't notice his front door opening yet again.

"What's going on? I could hear you guys from the hall."

Aki nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Mira!" Aki's mother leaned back from their huddle. "Where have you been? I stopped by your apartment."

"Oh, sorry." Mira kicked off his shoes and shrugged out of his coat. "I went out with some friends this morning after and I ended up napping at a friend's place. What's wrong? What are you all doing here?"

"Oh, everything's fine." She beamed.

Aki rolled his eyes. Leave it to his mother, who valued appearance above most all else, to tell a bald faced lie when the truth was obvious.

He beckoned Mira closer. "Get over here."

Mira tentatively obeyed. "What in the world," he hissed quietly, "is going on?"

Aki lowered his voice to a whisper. "Mom and Dad came in this morning. Ueno and I were together." He left his explanation at that.

Mira whistled, processing Aki's recap. "That can't be good. But what's Kanoko doing here? And why is she crying?"

"I have no idea. She showed up a few minutes ago and interrupted my dad's lecture."

"Lecture?" Mira turned his head, taking in the scene unfolding behind them. "About what?"

"The dangers of a homosexual relationship, I guess. He used the word filth. That's as far as he got."

Behind them, the huddle disbanded. Aki stared as Ueno led Kanoko by the hand to the bedroom. His mother followed before the bedroom door closed, leaving Aki's father to join the two of them.

His father fell into the armchair heavily. "I swear," he muttered, "your cousin can be quite the drama queen."

Aki tilted his head. "What's wrong?"

"I can't say right now." His father's reply was instant.

"Then why even mention it?" Aki sat back, patience growing thinner with each passing minute.

"How convenient would that be, kid? Perhaps your mother and I would be distracted enough to simply forget about what we walked in on this morning."

As if they'd forget. Aki shut his mouth.

The bedroom door reopened. Aki's mother exited first, with Ueno close behind. Kanoko was absent.

"She's going to lie down for a while." Ueno explained, walking back to the couch and without a smidgen of shame, squeezing himself between Aki and Mira.

"Mira, maybe you should come back later." Aki's father suggested. "We were in the middle of something."

Aki didn't see the point in dismissing Mira now. It only seemed fitting that his ex-lover, who had been left in the rain while he ran off with a man twice his age to begin a life of sexual servitude, listen in on him and his boyfriend enduring ridicule and chastising by his parents on the pitfalls of gay life. He was fresh out of shame, so what did he care?

Aki reached out for Ueno's hand again. "Forget that. Let's get this over with. I believe your last words had something to do with us spreading disease." He could hold back his sarcasm.

Aki's father nodded. "I believe you're right. You don't agree?"

"Of course not." Aki closed his eyes. "Of all the ignorant things to say, Dad."

"Sweetheart, your father isn't being completely unreasonable. It's very likely that if you're not taking care of things properly, that you could be spreading germs or some sort of disease."

"And you wouldn't even know it." Aki's father added. "But that's not what bothers me most. The fact that you never came forward and consulted with me is more upsetting. Ueno, I didn't take you as the type to hide something like this. And more than that, I would never have expected you to take part in this at my place of business- and _yours_."

"Sir, I-" Ueno hadn't been cut off; he paused. "I really didn't think that we'd caused any disruption. Aki and I aren't doing anything _unclean_ , really."

"I disagree. Can you imagine what the patrons staying here would say if they noticed? I could lose business, and this building could be labeled as dirty. What about this don't you understand?"

"Enough." Aki tapped his fingers on his kneecap. "Mom, Dad, I apologize for causing you any stress, for embarrassing you, and making you think less of Ueno or I. I'd hoped that you would understand how much… better this makes me and accept it. If you can't, I'll leave."

His father cocked his head. "I never implied that I wanted or expected you to leave, son. I simply want you to stop. This type of carrying on absolutely cannot continue."

Aki used Ueno's knee as leverage, and pushed off, rising to his feet. In a quick, economic motion, his hands found his hips and he approached the chair where his parents rested.

His mother met his gaze steadily. He lost some of his resolve as he stared down at his father, who stubbornly refused to raise his dark head, focusing on something past him.

Desperation wrapped itself around him, weakening his limbs and weighing down his chest. Being called dirty was something he was sure wouldn't have hurt him as much a little over a month ago, but it stung now. He felt a purity and clarity he hadn't experienced in years. Aki's hopefulness was replaced by genuine sadness, and the switch was as obvious as a change in mechanisms, as abrupt as a lightning storm.

He wanted support, but if he couldn't have it without Ueno, so be it. If Ueno, who loved his job and got along well with his father under normal circumstances, had to find another job, so be it. If Aki had to move in with Ueno or secure a job to finance his own domicile, so be it.

There was a sound, something Aki had grown familiar with, although it was difficult to make out past the beating in his ears. "I know I've always been difficult and even so, you've always stood behind me. I didn't appreciate that until now. That's why I expected more from you, but if my _carrying on_ is unacceptable, then I'm unacceptable. I'll find somewhere else to live."

Ueno nodded. "And I'll find somewhere else to work."

His father's brow furrowed in consternation. "Why can't you try to see this from my point of view? Is this really that important to the both of you? Do you really want to carry the burden of this responsibility? Is this really," he gestured wildly, "worth fighting with us?"

Motion was caught in his peripheral vision and distracted, he turned his head.

Mira was gesturing as wildly as his father, hand raised to neck level, palm facing the floor. He wagged his hand in a very sharp, pronounced cutting motion.

Ueno sat, eyes glittering crazily, shaking his head, lips moving. _No, no. Stop._

Okay, so now Ueno was having second thoughts, and even Mira was attempting to shut him up?

_Tough._

"It _is_!" Aki fought the urge to stomp his foot like a spoiled child. "I love Ueno and if you can't handle it, that's something I'll learn to live with, but nothing you say is going to change it."

Ueno groaned, burying his face in his hands.

Aki heard it, and his hands dropped, arms dangling lifelessly at his sides. They hadn't done much good on his hips.

"I see." His father cleared his throat. "So you refuse to see my logic. It appears that we're not going to reach an agreement."

"What logic? I guess I gave you too much credit. How is what I'm doing wrong or filthy? How will it hurt your business? We've never flaunted ourselves in front of anyone."

Aki heard rustling, and then an arm encircled him from behind, a hand clamping over his lips.

"Stop." Ueno's voice, high with stress, filtered into his eardrum. "Don't."

His first instinct was to break the hold, but Ueno's refusal to back him up left him abruptly drained. He struggled halfheartedly, but almost immediately gave in. He lowered his head, eyes stinging, and he realized with mortification that tears were coming. Ueno's hand slipped away to join the other and he held the fairer with both arms while Aki's chest began heaving, frustration manifesting in an action Aki never allowed himself to indulge in.

"Shh," Ueno whispered, hugging him tightly from behind, "It’s okay, it's okay."

 _How was it okay?_ Through his despair, he was able to hear a cry that he was positive wasn't coming from him, and this time he was able to recognize the sound for what it actually was. He immediately craned his neck, and Ueno turned them both.

Mira had since rescued the kitten, long forgotten and most likely starving, if the intensity of his cries were any indication. He was holding the tiny black mass out with both hands, as if on display.

Aki stared, and a split second later, his stomach dropped and his face grew hot. He stared at their newest inhabitant. He was stunned, as if he had just been clubbed over the back of his head and his knees buckled as he put two and two together, finally _. Disease. Responsibility._

"No," he sputtered in a very uncharacteristic fashion, disbelieving.

"Yeah." Ueno said, still holding Aki close, rocking him. "I just figured it out a minute ago."

Aki couldn't remember ever feeling the level of humiliation the washed over him now. He wrenched himself free of Ueno's arms and turned to his parents, who remained unmoving on his armchair.

"You weren't talking about us." It wasn't a question, and his tone was accusing.

His father, resting his chin on an upturned palm, watched his son for a long moment before shaking his head in evident exasperation.

"What, your mother and I are stupid now? If we'd been upset about you two being _… together_ , we would have brought it up when we _first_ found out." He pointed. "I was referring to that nasty, smelly ball of fleas you've been stowing away up here without my permission. You know, most apartment dwellers check with their landlords first. You didn't even offer to pay a deposit, but I guess that's irrelevant, since we have a policy against animals here."

"He's _not_ nasty. We keep him clean."

Aki's father ignored him. "Ueno, you love my son too?"

"Yes." He answered before the entire question had been voiced, nodding.

"I see," he mused, a frown marring his skin, " _Damn_."

Aki's mother let out a sound comparable to a cackle. "I've told you my intuition never lies, but you refused to listen. My money, please."

Aki stood, dumbfounded while the last of his tears dribbled their way down his cheeks. "You two took out a bet?"

His mother stood to hand him a wad of tissues. "We all did."

"Define _all_." Aki was coming out of his stupor, face fixed in an indignant glare.

"Specifically: your father, seven of your cousins, two of your aunts and three uncles were positive that the two of you were just experimenting. The rest were undecided. I was the only one who thought it was serious." She answered with no hint of shame, directing attention to Ueno. "It couldn't have been casual. Ueno, you're obviously a relationship man; I'm positive that you're not the type to fool around with someone without the slightest emotional involvement. Am I correct?"

"I don't get it." Ueno stared at the floor. "What made you guys assume either one? Did you know this whole time that we weren't talking about the kitten?"

"Come on. All those sexually charged looks you gave each other at the party, the way my boy hissed and spit whenever my niece so much looked in your area, let alone sideways; it couldn't have been any clearer. And I certainly can't blame you. My son is too attractive to limit himself to one gender, I suppose. The only question that remained was how committed the two of you were." His father stretched. "We really should get back. Visiting hours start soon. We'll discuss everything in more depth later on tonight- including that animal. I'm taking my son and his man out to dinner."

"I still don't get it!" Ueno sank onto the couch. "Why did you go through all of- w-why did you go along with that date with Kanoko and give me that room key? Why did you make all of those suggestions when you knew that I wasn't interested in her and that it made Aki mad?"

"Oh, _that_." The tall, dark haired man didn't pretend to regret his actions and smiled mischievously. "I have to apologize. It's complicated, but I'll try to simplify the answer; you two were so much fun to mess with."

Aki's mother put away the tissues, zipping up her suitcase. "We're a lot smarter than you all give us credit for."

"Very true; I can see through most of your excuses and explanations." Aki's father added, making his way to the door. "Don't study too hard, Aki."

Aki shook his head. Mira and Ueno stared at the front door long after it closed.

"Wow." Mira sauntered into the kitchen to prepare the kitten formula. "I'm almost disappointed."

Ueno scrubbed his hands across his face and mussed his hair. "That was the weirdest conversation I've ever had. Well, today at least. I'm going to lie down."

Aki's hand shot out and wrapped around Ueno's wrist. "Not in the bedroom, you won't."

Ueno's confusion was evident. "Huh?"

"Did you forget the situation you put to bed in there?"

"I did." Ueno grinned sheepishly.

"What's wrong with her? Can we kic- send her home now?"

"I can't say, other than a difference in opinion between your cousin and her parents. She needs some rest- away from everyone." Ueno shook his head and Aki let the subject drop for the time being.

"It's about time for breakfast too." Mira brandished the syringe, "I mean, you're already awake and everything."

Aki shut his eyes and took a deep breath before simply holding out his arms. A second later, Ueno's fingers grasped his wrists and pulled him in. His nerves were beginning to get the better of him; he needed some privacy and quiet. "I want to lie down too. Is it okay if we go to your place or something? And maybe we can talk." He whispered the last bit.

"We can do that." Ueno held Aki close, patting his back. "Mira, are you okay with the cat or should we bring him with us? We'll be back before dinner."

"I got him."

"Thanks. Go get some clothes." Ueno released Aki and pushed him in the direction of the bedroom. "You can get ready for dinner at my place after you rest."

Aki was beginning to wonder if it was at all possible to rest up completely from the craziness that befell them on a daily basis.

* * *

 

"Glad that's over, huh?" Ueno's voice was soothing and Aki, half awake, hummed his agreement.

"It went better than I expected." Aki mumbled his observation. "We do have a few problems, still."

"We'll figure it out. If your parents won't let you keep the kitten at home, we'll just bring him here."

"That's one issue that we can fix, but that's not what I mean." Aki trailed off.

"What, then?"

"I'm happy my mom and dad have accepted the fact that you and I are together- earlier than we realized- I guess. They're obviously not bothered by it, or they wouldn't have been messing with us the way they were. And you handled it well, which I know was hard for you. I know you're not ready for this, though." Aki spoke with his eyes closed, lying on his side, hands clasped in front of him.

"Ready for what, exactly?" Ueno propped his head up in the palm of his hand.

"For the way my parents are going to tease you and stick their noses into your business from now on. For the rest of the family to apparently have their assumptions confirmed, because my parents will _not_ keep this a secret, even if I ask them to."

A hand wiggled out from beneath the blankets and cupped his cheek, and Aki leaned into it. "Yeah, if you hadn't been trying to molest me on the couch, we could have bought some more time, kept it hidden for a little longer. But honestly, I'm not saying that eventually I wouldn't have wanted our families to know, but no time would have been perfect for me, so I'm kind of glad it was beyond our control." Ueno smiled weakly. "I wasn't prepared for them to catch us, and I'm probably not prepared for the way they'll act now, but at least it's over."

"I'm glad you're dealing well with this, but there's one person in particular that I'm worried about finding out the most."

Ueno pushed a stray lock of hair behind Aki's ear. "Him."

"Him." Aki eyes opened into slits. "Before I moved in with him, he was fine messing me with me on the occasional visit or when he found the right opportunity until he found out that my attention was focused elsewhere. That's when he started to push."

"And you think he'll have the same reaction this time?"

"I'd like to assume he's lost interest, but after receiving that package, I don't think so. I think you'll understand after I tell you more about him, and what everything was like before and after he found out about Mira and I."

"I'm sure I will. I'm curious now, but we can worry about that tonight, after dinner if you want. You need to sleep more than anything. I get the feeling that we'll need all the peace we can get before we meet up with your parents."

"Yes." Aki bit his lip. "They're going to humiliate us both the best they can, you know."

"Probably. But the worst is over, right?"

"Half over." Aki's smile was composed of both weariness and mischief. "Your family doesn't know yet. You think they'll be angry?"

"Who knows? I think I fit a specific type to them, so I know they'll be shocked."

"But everyone teases me about how feminine I am. Maybe they won't even notice I'm a man." Aki was only half joking.

Ueno laughed at that. "Not a chance. Don't listen to them. And I don't think you're girly at all. You're unique, but most definitely a guy. Try to sleep a little." Ueno tucked Aki into the cradle of his own body. "Aren't you tired?"

"Exhausted." Aki conceded, lapsing into stillness, limbs liquefying. Once he stopped thinking and gave himself up to the feel of Ueno's fingers, ever present, in his hair and the warmth of his body, he slipped quickly into sleep.

* * *

 

Going out to dinner with the family of a significant other was typically normal and mundane, but not tonight.

It wasn't the dinner itself. It was the reason for the dinner, and the attitude of the attendees. Ueno was in his own little Twilight Zone.

Ueno had simply assumed the only members in attendance would be him and Aki, of course, possibly Mira, and Aki's mother and father.

Somehow, while he and Aki had been at his apartment cuddling and cat napping away the majority of the day, plans had unfolded over their heads. The dinner for five had transformed to an affair for fifteen or so. That number was increasing as time ticked by; every so often, more members of Aki's family trickled in.

Ueno was relieved on some levels and appalled on others. Most of the family he'd met the previous week, but a few were complete strangers, though they seemed to know Ueno instinctively- or rather, by word of mouth- and were all too aware of their romantic status.

Ueno watched wearily as Aki's mother smugly accepted her winnings, stuffing bills into her purse. Mira sat to his right, a newly introduced cousin to his left. Aki had been seated directly across from him, but Ueno hadn't been able to steal his attention after they'd been settled. Ueno didn't envy him; his father commanded his acknowledgement with lively conversation and while Aki appeared quite uninterested, Ueno was warmed to notice Aki was indeed attempting to humor him by listening.

Without Aki's reassurance, Ueno would have been a bit more on alert than normal, but strangely, Mira's presence was comforting and had much the same effect. It was laughable that in this setting, Mira had become Ueno's familiar when a mere week ago, he'd been so intimidated by him.

Times were changing, but Ueno remained nonplussed at just how accepting everyone at their tables had been. While he understood that younger members of society were in many cases much more open and less judgmental regarding the subject of romantic relationships between two individuals of the same gender, he hadn't expected the glee that seemed to emanate from members of Aki's family. They appeared to be overjoyed simply because Aki had formed a bond, regardless of who he was bonded to. It made Ueno interested more than ever in what Aki had been like before they met; had he been _that_ resistant to closeness?

He also wondered what his own family reaction would be. His family was open enough, which was no doubt the reason he was so laid back himself. However, Ueno had never shown any indication of having a hankering for guys, so shock would be inevitable and the possibility of distasteful reaction was real.

Ueno became immersed in his musings, only startled back to reality at the sharp kick that connected with his shin. He lifted his head guiltily. Aki's gaze met his, and the fairer smiled an apologetic, sympathetic smile that Ueno returned.

A heavy sigh distracted both of them; Aki's mother feigned swooning, fanning at herself with a napkin. The attention was unnerving, but it was better than the alternative. Still, he and Aki would do well with some additional alone time; they needed all they could get. Ueno resolved to fix that in the near future by insisting they go out into the world more often and by spending more time at his place. After all, there was nothing at all wrong with his apartment. Aki's was just more spacious and convenient given that Ueno actually worked in the same building.

"So, Aki; which of you two cooks and cleans?"

Aki covered his mouth with a pale hand. "That would be Ueno."

Satou-san examined Ueno doubtfully. "Really? So you take out the trash and change light bulbs, Aki? I have a hard time believing that."

Aki cleared his throat. "Ueno does that too."

"Then what do you do? Just stand around looking gorgeous?"

Individuals within earshot laughed and degree by degree, Ueno felt himself begin to relax. Everything would be fine, given time. It was time to make the most of the situation and he turned to Mira, mouth open to form a question.

Mira's change in pallor cut him short. He'd never been witness to a startled Mira, so the vision alone was enough for him to forget his question entirely.

Before he could determine the cause, Mira's eyes cleared. "You were going to ask me something?"

"Yeah," Ueno replied, "but I lost my train of thought. Are you okay?"

"Sure." Mira grabbed for his wine glass and gripped the stem, taking a long, inelegant gulp.

Ueno gave a minute shrug before Aki's father called his name and he automatically raised his head in response.

Satou-san was standing now, arm outstretched toward yet another latecomer, but there was a difference. While his boss was jovial and smiled frequently, he was glowing now, corners of his lips close to reaching his ears.

The main approached the table, reaching for Satou-san's extended arm and they exchanged a hearty, back-slapping hug. Relatives were rising from their seats to exchange greetings, as they did every time someone entered. He shifted his gaze to gauge Aki's reaction.

His chair was empty, and Ueno raised his brow in confusion, not sure when Aki had time to leave without being noticed. No thought to the action, he surged to his feet.

It was just as well, because Satou-san was rounding the table with the newcomer, ignoring waiting family members and leading him to Ueno's side, and he would have stood to greet the man regardless.

"Ueno, this here is Okada Hideaki. He's been traveling, or you would have met him last week at the birthday party. Hide, this is my new employee, slash son-in-law, apparently."

Ueno blanched inwardly his new label, but recovered, smiling in greeting and automatically extending his hand, which was taken in an almost painful grip.

"I think at this point you can call me Uncle, huh? I've heard a lot about you." The man smiled easily. "You and my Aki are shaking things up around here."

Ueno flushed. "I don't know about shaking things up, bu-"

"He's teasing you." Satou-san laughed. "Here, let's find you a place to sit. You can get to know the son-in-law a bit later."

With that, his boss whisked the other man away, which freed up Ueno to again wonder where Aki had gotten off to. "Excuse me for a minute." Ueno made his leave.

They had been stationed in a far corner of a room set aside specifically for larger gatherings, so Ueno had to weave his way through tables, chairs, waiters, and random individuals before he could search the lobby and bathrooms.

He'd barely made it to the lobby before his phone vibrated gently, tucked safely away in his pocket. He stopped to dig it out, flipped it open and spared a glance at the screen between examinations of the general area, halfway anticipating a message from Aki pleading for escape.

 _Oh, man._ His most recent e-mail was from Etsuko. He took no time to scan it, resolving to delete the message along with the others he'd received from her. If she tracked him down and harassed him about it, he'd tell her he never received them, maybe tell her he'd been experiencing issues with his e-mail client, whatever.

No, he was done lying for no logical reason. He'd give her the good, hard truth; he was quite happily involved.

He strode towards the restrooms, phone still in hand. Quickly pulling open the door and poking his head inside, he called Aki's name and waited for a reply.

Puzzled, he entered the room and leaned against a counter. It did appear to be empty. Perhaps Aki had gone outside for some air. He lifted his phone. It had been a good while since he'd cleaned out his mailbox. Now wasn't necessarily the time to do it, but he wasn't in any hurry to return to his table.

He scrolled through, welcoming the few minutes of time he could waste before he would have to return to the party. _Etsuko, Etsuko, math professor, Etsuko, Mom and Dad… Good grief. I don't get rid of anything._ Ueno sent the messages to the trash before examining the remainder. He whistled as he caught the subject line of the next one. _I can't believe I still have this-_

"Oh _no._ " Ueno exclaimed in the deserted restroom, to no one in particular.

For reasons purely nostalgic, he'd scanned an e-mail message long forgotten in his inbox and wondering why he'd never deleted it. It had been the starting point of his relationship with Aki, but at the time, he'd never have guessed what would take place after heeding those instructions or accepting the job.

 _I've left you a spare key under the potted plant next to the door._ Ueno mouthed a portion of the message, grabbing at the marbled countertop for support with his free hand. _Its name is Aki, and it's a boy. He's very friendly._ It almost read similar to a personal ad.

The content of the message didn't make Ueno uncomfortable; reading the name of the sender, a unmemorable name that hadn't held any meaning for Ueno, even directly following his and Aki's meeting, was what made him weak in the knees.

Ueno had hoped that at some point that night once he got Aki alone, they could have their conversation. During said conversation, Ueno had logically assumed he'd learn more about Aki's last year of existence.

But Aki's last year had fallen right into his lap.

"I just shook hands with Aki's-" Ueno stopped, unwilling to use such a superior term when referring to such a lowly human being.

The man had said to call him-

" _Uncle_."

 


	26. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Ueno was having a hard time lining up matters in order of importance; staring at the message for the tenth time and looking for answers that wouldn't come, making his way back to the table so he could get a better look at this Okada Hideaki, or tracking down his boyfriend.

He had no question regarding why Aki had disappeared now; the question was where he'd taken off to and what-or how- he was doing.

That thought was all he needed for his priorities to shift and lock in the proper order. Ueno closed his phone and shoved it into his back pocket, steeling himself for some serious weirdness before opening the door and reentering the lobby.

A quick glance down the tree-lined sidewalk produced no results. He'd work his way back to their tables and if Aki hadn't reappeared, he'd excuse himself again and try reaching him by phone.

Ueno's frustration grew as he weaved his way through the congestion a second time, but he wasn't able to credit his agitation to the hassle.

Earlier that same day, Aki had expressed concern at what the man would do if he discovered that Aki was seeing someone. Ueno hadn't paid it much attention, but if Aki's concerns were well founded, they were in for some trouble because after the man sat down for a good five minutes, there was no way he wouldn't be made aware of Aki's relationship status. That's why they were all there, anyway.

Come to think of it, he'd probably been made aware of it before he even arrived, since Satou-san had requested his presence. Or maybe since his title of master also included a prowess regarding surveillance, the news hadn't been a surprise to him.

The knowledge made Ueno's stomach churn, and he couldn't imagine what Aki was experiencing, the emotions that might have come over him when he'd seen the older man enter and begin to approach their table.

Aki _had_ made it back to their table and the old pervert, as Ueno had already dubbed the man in his head, had Aki by the shoulders, holding him back at arm's length. Satou-san stood next to them, arms crossed.

"Is that any way to greet your favorite uncle?"

Aki said something, but Ueno was unable to hear from where he stood, given Aki's lower reply.

The old pervert laughed. "Water under the bridge. I forgive you. Always will." He hauled Aki in for what some people probably categorized as a hug, but to Ueno closely resembled a headlock.

In most cases, it wouldn't be cause for concern. Family did that kind of weird stuff. Ueno came from a rowdy bunch himself; within his own family a headlock, tousling of hair, a jab, or even a random tackle wouldn't draw a second glance.

Making the decision to stay back wasn't easy, given that Aki's posture and facial expression indicated desperation warring with complete withdrawal. If could Ueno could act purely on instinct, he'd make an idiot of himself and regardless, the action would prove useless. If he marched on over, wrenched the man's arms away and dragged Aki to the opposite corner of the room, he'd only potentially cause backlash. It wasn't as if the guy would try anything in front of the family anyway. He'd just stay on his toes and make sure they weren't left alone. He slid back into his seat, not acknowledging Mira's questing glance.

Ueno had first met Aki while he lay scuffed and surly, curled up on the floor in that tiny, closeted area. He had been more focused, however, on the fact that he'd discovered a naked man tied and immobile, rather than his actual condition, of the scratches and pain.

At their second meeting, he'd been concerned with the bandages, splint, busted lip, and the multitude of bruises; he'd even asked how Aki had received them. But, as Ueno stared and sputtered, he'd instead turned his focus to the incredible coincidence of them actually running into one another again, not his injuries.

In hindsight, he was more disturbed by Aki's aches and pains-physical and otherwise- than he had been then, sadly.

Knowing what he did now, the memory of how Aki had still managed to smile and rib Ueno gently had more meaning. Again, Ueno recognized his beauty more now than then. In knowing Aki more intimately, looking back drew even more emotion. Before, he'd been looking at a rather unusual individual who experienced some misfortune.

Now he was in love with a wonderful but incredibly complex individual who had been through more than Ueno would have imagined. He'd been intrigued and attracted to him- yes. But he hadn't loved him then, hadn't learned about him and hadn't yet begun to grow steadily more and more besotted with his voice, smile and spirit. He'd risen above his previous life, and contrary to Aki's personal belief regarding his worth, he deserved happiness and peace.

Knowing Aki deserved those things, it set his skin to crawling watching Aki interact with the man who used the knowledge of their wrongdoings to drive Aki to believe that having a good life wasn't possible, that he didn't deserve it.

He couldn't allow that to happen again, and he couldn't allow Aki one more minute of discomfort, no matter how foolish or disrespectful he appeared.

Ueno had resolved not to interrupt or pry, but he was a breath away from disregarding his promise. This was his business now too. He pushed his chair back and stood again. Aki turned his head, eyebrows raised in alarm.

"Mira, can you move over one?" Ueno queried in his lowest voice.

Mira had no objection, no sarcastic question or commentary; he scooted over quickly. Ueno was relieved Mira understood without any clarification or at the very least, didn't feel like being contrary at the moment.

He held out his hand, knowing that his typical friendly smile was nowhere in sight. He didn't care.

Aki's relief was obvious. After another millisecond of waiting, Ueno would have removed him forcibly, but bless his little screwed up heart, he gently extracted himself from the grip and the company of the two older men with an "excuse me" and slipped into the offered chair.

Ueno could tell their presence-his and Mira's- calmed the fairer to some degree. Under the table, he reached out, taking ownership of Aki's icy fingers and sliding them into his own lap, squeezing gently. A quick look to his side, and he noticed that Mira had taken possession of Aki's right hand. He wasn't annoyed. Comfort from both of them might be necessary and whatever helped Aki, Ueno wouldn't question today. He found himself grateful that Mira understood and was willing to share responsibility.

He leaned close to Aki's ear, disregarding appearance. "As soon as we can get out of here," he whispered, squeezing Aki's fingers for emphasis, "we'll go."

Aki faced him fully, and the withdrawal and resignation were still there, so present and powerful, that Ueno felt an initial stirring of anger begin at his core. "Y-you-"

"Yeah." Ueno nodded. "We have to talk. Today, okay?"

"Okay." Aki whispered back.

Ueno gave his hand a shake. "Or if you want, I can tell your mom and dad you don't feel well and we can leave now."

A shake of his head and a deep, shuddering breath, and Aki's expression returned to normal. "No. We'll never hear the end of it. I can handle it."

Of course he could. Ueno nodded again. "Whatever you want." He edged his chair as closely as he could, not caring or acknowledging any commentary or glances. What did he care about appearances at a time like this?

Aki, after recovering from his shock and revulsion, was as sociable as could be originally expected of him. His family didn't appear to sense anything amiss.

Somehow, Ueno's anger mounted with that knowledge.

For once, Ueno struggled to interact. While answering questions when asked and merely smiling while others laughed, his focus remained on the mess seated quietly next to him. As luck would have it, that seemed to be expected of him, solidifying an image of the loving, devoted beau.

Aki's beloved uncle commanded most of the attention, anyway. He was an animated story teller, and while Ueno's main concern was Aki, he couldn't help listening. He'd done unspeakable things to Aki, but if not for him, the two of them may have never met and if not for him, Aki wouldn't be the man he was today. For that reason alone, Ueno's interest was uncontrollable.

The information Ueno gleaned was impressive. He had that apartment in the city, luxurious yet small, which was all he needed since he went on trips frequently for work. Ueno knew just how luxurious.

"In fact," Satou-san supplemented, seemingly out of thin air, as at the time Ueno hadn't been paying much attention, "he designed the hotel, son."

"Oh." Ueno looked up, startled. "You're an architect?"

"That I am, though design is a rather glamorous way of looking at things. There's a lot of dirty work involved." Okada-san nodded. "Although, it's a love of mine. Making money while you're having fun isn't really work."

 _Oh shit, the guy was nice and likeable._ Ueno understood the man's allure now. He had an easy going, laid back manner in an outward sense. People wanted the man to like them, probably clamoring for his favor. If Ueno hadn't known any better, he may have been swept up in the magic himself.

"Ueno, is it?"

"Yes, sir." Ueno cleared his throat and answered politely, respectfully, though the man damn well knew his name. It simply wasn't in his make up to behave otherwise, regardless of how he felt about the man.

The nice old pervert smiled crookedly, and Ueno was again struck dumb at how outwardly _likeable_ the man was. "Age?"

"Twenty one, sir."

"That would make you a junior, most likely?"

"Yes, sir."

" _Uncle_. There's no need for formalities with family. And big brother here has informed me that's what you are."

At a loss, Ueno merely nodded. This guy was scary, for lack of a better word. It would be best to let his new uncle do all of the talking; it lessened the risk of Ueno inserting his foot into his mouth and saying anything damaging.

How did Aki feel around him? Ueno had to wonder, because at the moment, his head swam in confusion, the sensation of seeming transparent, of vulnerability, overpowering. Was it only a fraction of Aki experienced with him? How did the man behave behind closed doors?

Ueno waited as patiently as possible for Aki's cue. He sat through the meal, which he barely touched, and Aki even less. He watched his new uncle very carefully, using the man's monopoly on the conversation as an excuse to study him undetected.

Truth be told, he wasn't _old_. He was younger than Aki's father, who Ueno knew was only in his mid-forties. He was on the tall side, without an ounce of fat. His dark hair was in glossy, modern disarray and his hazel eyes twinkled as he spoke. Based on his appearance and mode of dress, one could easily assume the man to be in his late-twenties. He wasn't at all unattractive, which lead Ueno to wonder what he'd want with a young boy; he could have his pick of eligible men _or_ women, whatever his fancy. But deep down, Ueno understood that availability didn't always impact desire; he had experience in that department. How many available women had come out of the woodwork over the last week or so with no success?

Lost in his thoughts, he jumped when Aki's uncle addressed him again.

"You met my Aki in school?"

Ueno nodded. "Yes, sir. This term."

"The semester hasn't been in session very long. Sounds like a whirlwind romance to me."

Aki, out of action the majority of the dinner, addressed his uncle. "That's one way of putting it."

There were definitely more ways to describe what the two of them had, and Aki's tone wasn't close to friendly, but Ueno couldn't fight his smile. Having another issue to focus on certainly resulted in a lack of self-consciousness regarding the very reason they were all sitting together now. The cat was out of the bag, no pun intended, so it would be silly to downplay their closeness.

But on the other hand, if downplaying their closeness would spare irritating Aki's uncle, maybe hushing up would be worth it.

"My dad told me you were out of town. Were you working on something new?"

Ueno's eyes widened. Aki was actually attempting to carry on normal conversation with the guy. He was much more of a soldier than Ueno gave him credit for. If dear uncle was attempting to throw Aki off by attending, he might be in for a surprise.

"A client put me up in a hotel near a new building site, wanted me to take a look at the surrounding area before I started working on the design. The guy wanted me to work on something that would blend in with the surrounding wildlife and wouldn't be too much of an eyesore. It was a nice getaway, even though it was for work."

"And how did it go?"

"It went very well, but I'm sure you don't want hear about roofing, plumb walls or beam load calculations and I'm more interested in how you've been. I haven't spoken to you directly since you moved out."

"I've been fine, but you were already aware of that."

Strange. Ueno followed Aki's dialogue with his uncle while staring into the still surface of his water glass. Aki sounded almost normal, if not a tad sarcastic.

"Well, of course. I talk to your father. I did consider calling you for your birthday, but I thought it wise to wait since we didn't part ways on glowing terms. I did send you a little something; I hope you liked it."

Ueno briefly shut his eyes, and then turned his head to gauge Aki's reaction.

To his utter befuddlement, Aki smiled and nodded. "Of course. Ueno and I both appreciated your thoughtfulness."

"What kind of gift were you able to share?" Satou-san was smiling, but obviously perplexed.

At that, Aki paused.

"Oh, you know how I love gadgets, toys, electronics, you know. I simply unloaded some of my stock onto Aki. I can never get around to using all the things I purchase. You know that."

"In understanding that, some would simply save their money." Aki's father chuckled. "But that's never been your style."

Brotherly banter ensued, and Ueno's heart dislodged from his throat when it became obvious the focus was no longer on the younger men.

After what seemed like an eternity, family members began to part. Mira was one of the last to leave. "I'll see you guys later, unless you want to ride back with me."

Ueno shook his head. "I was thinking we could walk for a little while." He looked to Aki for confirmation, who nodded. "But we'll probably see you later."

"Aki, your apartment unlocked?"

Aki nodded. "Probably."

"I'll check on the little guy. You can take your time." Mira beat a hasty retreat, bidding a general farewell. Ueno heard Aki breathe a sigh of relief next to him; at Mira not causing a scene, no doubt.

"That reminds me, you two; we need to talk about that a little more in depth." Satou-san cleared his throat. "Just how did a cat end up in my building?"

Uncle lifted his head. "You have a cat?"

Before Ueno could speak, Aki intervened. "You don't care for felines, do you? Perhaps we should have gotten a hamster instead."

For a split second, Uncle's eyes narrowed. Ueno held up his hands, recognizing that Aki's words irked his uncle somewhat, but not sure why. "Sort of. Sir, I found him while I was working Monday night."

"Found him?"

"Yeah. I was out back taking care of the garbage and he was buried in one of the bins. He was wet and cold and I don't know how much longer he would have lasted out there. He's too small to fend for himself; he can't even eat on his own."

"I see. Well, I don't suppose you could have left him there to die, hmm?" Aki's father scratched the back of his head, clearly torn between rules and sympathy. "That would certainly have been inhumane. But what do you plan on doing with him?"

Aki turned to his father. "I want to keep him."

"Aki, I understand why you rescued him, but there's no reason that you can't find another home for him. We can hold out for a bit until you find one, but we can't allow you to keep that thing indefinitely. It-"

"We've taken good care of him-all three of us. He's clean, and once he's a little bigger, we'll take him to the vet. He won't be any trouble, and you won't even know he's there. We promise. Right, Ueno?"

"We promise." Ueno echoed. "Sir, we'll handle him responsibly. I'm sure he was dumped because whoever had him assumed he was too small to survive, so I don't think he'll grow up to be very big. You should come up and take a good look at him sometime."

"You two will keep the flea ball clean, and the apartment spotless?"

"Yes."

"You'll keep it up to date on vaccinations, and keep the veterinarian visits current?"

"Yes."

"You'll keep him on your floor at all times, unless he's in transport?"

"Yes."

"When he's being transported, you'll keep him boxed up so that patrons don't see him?"

"Yes."

"You won't give him some stupid name, like Blackie?"

"Or Fluffy." Aki's mother piped in.

"No." Ueno said, and looked to Aki for affirmation.

"I like the name Blackie."

"We promise." Ueno finished for both of them.

"On the assumption that you'll keep your promise, I'll allow it." Satou-san shook his head. "I swear, that floor is becoming a home for the wayward, and now an animal shelter. Ueno, I'm assuming you'll want an apartment of your own soon."

"No, sir. I have my own place."

"Like you ever stay there." Satou-san chuckled. "I have one more question before you two are dismissed for the night."

Ueno waited. "Yes, sir?"

"You do have a family, don't you?"

Ueno cocked his head. "Of course I do."

"Well, you've met ours. When do we get to meet yours?"

Ueno's gulp was audible and it was Aki's turn to squeeze a hand in comfort. "I'll work on that. We'd better get going."

"See you later, kids." Uncle smiled. "And it was very nice to meet you, Ueno."

Suddenly, they weren't able to exit quickly enough, and Ueno gripped Aki's hand tightly enough to hurt as they weaved their way through obstacles and out the door.

He inhaled deeply as they stood outside.

"Where to?" Aki inquired, looking to Ueno for direction.

"I guess we can just start walking. Let's go this way." He turned to the right, and Aki followed.

"Where do you want me to start?" Aki asked, to the point.

"I don't know, really. When did all of this start?"

"My relationship with him?" Aki bit his lip. "I first noticed something wasn't right when I was around nine, I think, but he didn't try anything until after I'd turned twelve."

" _Twelve_? So you had a normal relationship with him up until then?"

"Fairly normal. I don't have many clear memories of him from when I was little, but I was four when he started coming around the house, according to my dad." Aki frowned. "That was when they first met."

"They didn't grow up together?"

"Nope. Half-brothers. Different dads."

Ueno nodded. "Okay."

"My dad lived with his grandparents growing up. It was easier that way. My grandmother remarried after my grandfather passed away. They didn't meet until after I was born, after my grandmother passed too. My uncle was pretty young- nineteen- and still in school. Anyway, they got along right away. My dad invited him to parties, birthdays, dinners, everything. All of a sudden, I had this new uncle, and he was younger, so he always took me out to do things that were more fun than what my parents would plan."

"Sounds like you liked being with him."

"I did. He spoiled me rotten. My parents loved to buy me things, but my uncle would take the time and just do stuff with me; take me to parks, on walks, rides, and go shopping with me. Sometimes he'd come over just to help me with my homework. I don't remember a single time he came over without a present. He hung out with my sisters too, but he spent the most time with me. I thought he was pretty cool."

They stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light. Ueno didn't pay any mind to the automobile traffic or congestion of pedestrians; he kept a tight hold on Aki's fingers. "So how did that all change?"

"He picked me up for a weekend visit when my parents left town, and I stayed at his apartment while my sisters stayed with an aunt. I was supposed to go with them, but he'd specifically asked my parents if he could take me for the weekend. Said he was going to take me around with him. My dad loved that." Aki tilted his head upward, connecting with his memory. "You know, as far as I can remember, he didn't try anything funny that weekend. It was just the way he looked at me sometimes, and some of the questions he'd ask me. I was nine then, like I said."

The light changed, and the two of them walked on.

"He didn't try anything weird right away. If anything, he was overly affectionate at times, but I liked him, and it didn't bother me. But when we were alone, the hugs took a little longer, and the way he would stare sometimes when he didn't think I was looking was weird. I don't remember the stares being lustful, either. It was more like he was afraid of me. And he'd ask me all kinds of questions I didn't understand."

"Like what?" Ueno stared straight ahead, bothered but unable to shake his curiosity.

"Conversations were always normal at first. Like, did I like any girls in my classes? If I did, then how did looking at them make me feel? Did my body feel funny? Did I ever look at boys?"

"Hmm." Ueno had no response otherwise.

"I don't get what he saw in me, really. I was just some gangly, awkward child." Aki shrugged. "He's good looking, and he was popular enough, I guess. He got along with everyone, and he always had girlfriends. I never saw it coming. I'd never seen him with another guy, never caught him watching porn, nothing stereotypical that you'd expect from someone who was attracted to a boy. But I learned that not everyone fits a mold, textbook description or stereotype, and I'm no psychologist anyway."

"How did it start?"

"Another weekend visit." Aki pointed. "Want to go this way?"

"Sure." Ueno agreed readily.

"He'd stayed at the house a few days, and my parents had gone out with friends, or something like that. They were only gone a few hours. I'd been going to bed alone for years, so him tucking me in was strange."

"Let's sit down." Ueno gestured to a playground, long abandoned.

"Where? There's nowhere to sit."

"Well, there aren't any seats, but we can still sit down. Come on, live a little. The ground won't hurt you." Ueno tugged Aki forward, flopped down on one end of a sandbox, and waited for Aki to follow his lead. "Go on."

"I don't remember what time I fell asleep, but it didn't feel like it had been long. Woke up at some point, and he was still in the room with me, in the same spot he'd been when I closed my eyes. Sitting on the edge of the bed. Light was still on. I sat up and asked him what was the matter."

Aki squirmed, finding a more comfortable position. "He told me nothing was wrong. Put his hand on my thigh and just _left_ it there, but didn't feel me up, exactly."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I knew something was off, but if it was _him_ doing it, it couldn't have been bad. When I didn't react, he left the room and I went back to sleep. That was it."

Ueno was glad he'd barely eaten; he didn't think food would have stayed put. "Was he testing you or something? How long did it last?"

"A few months, maybe. And I think you're right. He wanted to know whether or not I'd mention anything to my mom and dad. If I'd told on him, he could have said that I'd misread it."

"Yeah."

Aki chuckled, surprisingly. "Am I textbook or what?"

" _Never,_ no matter how hard you try." Ueno managed a weak smile.

"By the time he kissed me the first time, I didn't care anymore. The first time we had sex, all I remember thinking was, _where did my cool uncle go_? But I don't remember stressing over it."

Ueno reached out, and Aki responded slowly, lacing their fingers together and waiting.

"No force?"

"The first few times, yes. But if you try to fight someone stronger than you, someone who eventually wins regardless, and you just make the situation worse for yourself."

"Why didn't you-"

"I don't know." Aki shook his head, understanding immediately. "They knew something was up. Every chance they got, they were pulling me aside, asking me how my day was, asking if I had anything I wanted to share with them, if I was having trouble at school. Does it sound strange for me to say that I wanted them to figure it out themselves?"

Ueno stared off into the distance for a moment, composing his words carefully. “Who’d want to be responsible for breaking up their family? Well, you wouldn't have been responsible, but you'd have been the bearer of the news. It makes sense."

"I didn't blame anyone for what happened, but I was mad at my dad for not finding out on his own. I know it's not fair. If I'd told him myself, he would have believed me."

"Were you scared of him?"

"My uncle? No, not physically. If I didn't fuss, it ended quickly- real quick- and he'd leave me alone for a while. It was like something would build up in him, because usually when it happened he'd be really agitated beforehand, and then once we slept together, all the tension was gone. And I really think afterward, he'd be ashamed of himself because he'd go out of his way to keep his distance. One I didn’t see him for a good three months. It was the best quarter of my life.”

"So, if you were twelve, this has been going on for eight years?"

"On and off. The older I got, the more I was able to avoid him and the less frequently it happened. I'd stay elsewhere if my parents were gone, and if I knew he was at the house, I'd take my time coming home or make up an excuse to be out. And once I started seeing Mira and things got serious, I was spending a lot of time out with him, or at his house. After Mira found out what was going on, he insisted on it. Sometimes things didn't work out, but a lot of the time they did. Eventually, it didn't matter."

"How do you figure that?"

"People have sex all of the time without caring about each other." Aki smiled shakily. "We didn't care about each other when we first met, obviously, and look how that afternoon turned out. You can _hate_ the person you're with. If he caught up with me and we had to, I did it. I can't even say I hated it. Turn your brain off, and you can enjoy it, believe me."

Ueno understood intellectually, and waited for Aki to continue.

"Anyway, after I moved in with him, we slept together even less. The more random people he brought to the apartment, the less we did together. The best times were when he left on business trips, because he wasn't around to mess with me, and he never sent anyone to the apartment when he was out of town. I looked forward to those trips sometimes; it was a vacation for me."

_What a vacation._

“And you know most of the rest. One night my parents left for the evening. We were old enough to be alone, but he'd come by to say _hello_ , he said. One thing led to another, and my sister found us together in bed. He was normally more cautious than that. He'd gotten bold, so that time I actually did put up a fight; my sister was home. Like I said though; fighting is useless. For some reason or another, she'd gotten out of bed, probably heard us fussing or something."

Ueno held out his arms in silent invitation. When Aki gazed at him quizzically, he patted his thighs.

"I'm fine, really. I'm not going to fall apart or have a breakdown or anything."

" _I'd_ feel better." He wasn't kidding, either.

That brought a genuine smile, and Aki awkwardly turned and scooted backward until he was seated between Ueno's thighs.

Aki continued, determined now that he'd approached the end to finish and purge his system. "To say she was upset would be… a mild way of putting it. She was screaming, throwing whatever she could get her hands on, and I ended up on the floor, somehow. It's a little embarrassing now, but I remember jumping on top of them, completely naked, and dragging her off of him."

"Hmm?"

"She's not much bigger than a flea, so I don't know _how_ she got him on the floor, but he was flat on his back, and she was sitting on his chest. The sheets and covers were all over the place, and I saw her grab for a pillow and try to smother him. She had blood on her hands and under her nails. I think she actually tried to tear out his throat with her bare hands, because he had dozens of scratches on his neck, and on his arms."

Well. The meaning of the term _crazy_ varied from person to person, but crazy or not, Ueno current opinion of her was favorable.

"I got her off of him before he could hurt her. I think he was humoring her for the most part anyway, since he could have overpowered her without even trying. She ended up running out of the house upset, and I still don't know where she went. She didn't show back up until well after my parents came in. I'd had time to clean up and think, calm down. By then, he'd left too. He knew I'd try to handle it."

"And what happened after that?"

"Well, once I was alone, I panicked a little. It was a horrible idea, but I called Mira; he was the only person I knew who had a chance of calming me down. And of course, he was happy. I guess he figured that since my sister had found out, the whole thing was over. After that, I prepared." The temperature in steady decline, he'd begun shivering without realizing it. "My parents came in, and I kept my mouth shut. I acted like nothing was out of the ordinary, that I didn't know where Fumi was, that she must have stepped out while I was in my room. That worried my parents right away- that normally means something with her. She would slip out and stay gone for a night, or even a few days. I know it's not a good thing, but it worked in my favor."

Ueno dropped his chin to Aki's shoulder and waited.

"When she got home, she was usually coming down from something or other. I don't know how my parents dealt with it, because they always did it in private. That was one thing my dad wasn't able to write off or credit to her being young and rebellious, which is what he usually tried to do with all of us. Long story short, she came home and right away, she told my parents what happened. She didn't have an intro or delicate way to begin. She came in, and it was obvious she was influenced somehow. I think my mom was in the kitchen, so it was just me and my dad. He took one look at her and then told me to leave. Said for me to go to my room, and to stay put until he called me."

Ueno nuzzled his cheek during Aki's brief pause.

"I got it. I wasn't stupid, and it's not as if I'm a stranger to that stuff. I'd tried things before, but none of it stuck. Didn't become habits. I went to my room like he said. I sat up there for a couple of hours, until I heard him yelling for me. When I came out, everyone was waiting for me. My dad, mom, my sister and my uncle were all downstairs. When she told my parents what had happened, I guess they called him, and he came right back over."

When wondering just what made Aki the way he was, of what he'd endured in the past, he hadn't expected a pleasant conversation. Still, he was amazed at how calmly he sat there, fielding Aki's admissions.

"My uncle was a mess; he looked terrible. He pulled off his dazed act well, as if her accusations had him floored. But my dad didn't need much convincing, especially when my uncle stared my sister down and said her eyes looked a little funny, asked her if she was on anything. When she found us, I'm sure she wasn't, but she definitely was when she came home. Even so, she remembered everything perfectly. I jumped in, and told my parents that she had been acting funny after they left. I didn't make any excuses as to how she found us; I said she hadn't-period- and that I had no clue how she'd come up with that."

Ueno felt the deep inhale against his chest, sensing Aki was gearing himself up.

"Then I suggested that they do something for her, that I didn't know much about what she'd been taking, and asked if hallucinations or paranoia might be a result. I didn't lie about her drug use, but I exploited it. Anyway, she figured out that against us two, she didn't have a chance of convincing anyone. No one was willing to entertain the idea that she might be right. Went all quiet for a couple of days. The drugs were an ongoing thing, but she promised if my parents didn't check her in that she'd beat her habits on her own, and it looked like it was working. But after that, I stopped existing to her and the house was so tense, more than usual."

Talk about guilt. Ueno had absolutely nothing to contribute at this point. How could someone live from day to day so calmly after those experiences? If Aki blew his top at some point, Ueno couldn't have blamed him.

"And by then, I was in over my head in every way. I didn't have control over anything, and it was like something was attached to me, not hurting me, but very slowly sucking everything out of me. And then there was Mira. I liked him a lot, and we'd been.. together for a little while by then." Aki moved, as if his intention was to look backward, but halted before eye contact had been made. "But it was hard being with him."

"You can talk to me about Mira." Ueno shook him.

"I know Mira seems very obnoxious and hard to handle sometimes, but he has other sides to him that he doesn't let just anyone see unless you've earned his trust. I was wrong to treat him that way."

"How did you treat him?"

"I cared about him. He was almost a member of our family. But before, I hadn't trusted him enough to confide in him about what happened any more than I did my blood relatives. I was spending a lot of time at his house, and until recently, I know he assumed it was because I had some sort of special interest in him, but that wasn't it. At the time, I had no interest- in anyone. All I wanted was some relief, and I got it with him. I don't mean sexually, at least not then. Anyway, we were together more and more when all of a sudden, it was as if some switch got flipped, and he started pulling away."

_"I tried to call you earlier." Aki entered the bedroom cautiously._

_Mira jumped. "Oh, did you? I must not have had my phone with me."_

_"I see." Aki's gaze flickered toward Mira's small desk, situated against a wall, underneath an open window. Mira's phone fairly flickered like a beacon from its location on the desk surface. Mira was at times mysterious, but rarely told blatant falsehoods. Had he been too needy of recent? Had Mira decided he needed a break?_

_He stood there, at a loss. Aki was selfish, no doubt; he'd been overcome with a bout of cabin fever with nowhere to go that he deemed suitable. With Mira missing in action, he'd wandered the sidewalks for over an hour, just to get away from that house and more importantly, the people in it._

_Mira was normally so accommodating, so willing to give Aki anything he needed without suspicion or question, that the fib physically pained him._

_Desperation warred with the need to save face. Looking like an idiot wasn't desirable, but the last month had been hell on his nerves and peace of mind, to the point where he almost didn't care._

_"Sorry." Mira remained perched on the edge of his bed, hands clasped, thumbs rotating restlessly, frantically. "I guess you noticed my phone."_

_When Aki declined to respond, Mira sighed. "I have a lot going on."_

_Aki nodded, doubtful. "Yeah." His eyes trained to a corner, he willed the burning beneath his eyelids to stop, please stop, as he was mere moments away from a humiliating show of emotion._

_He wasn't wanted and the realization was debilitating, but he couldn't leave. Try as he might, his legs wouldn't follow his brain while he struggled with indecision._

_Aki didn't want to think; he needed a distraction, to forget. He needed someone who wouldn't ask questions, wouldn't stare at him with worry. His parents meant well, as always, but_ their _attention, specifically, was undesired and more than a little infuriating._

_It didn't matter anyway; he couldn't go home, but he had to go somewhere. Slowly, his body responded to his commands and he took the backward step necessary to back up through the doorway. Giving Mira one last look before he turned, he stopped in his tracks._

_The man didn't look merely uncomfortable; he was very clearly_ miserable _._

_Concern momentarily came to the forefront. "Mira. Did something happen? Are you okay?"_

_Elbows balanced on his knees and head bent forward, Mira massaged at his temples before looking up._

_Aki involuntarily took another step back, mystified. "What's wrong?"_

_"Mom and dad downstairs?"_

_"Yeah, in the living room."_

_"Close the door anyway, will you?"_

_Aki stood immobile for a moment before reentering the bedroom and gently pulling the door shut behind him._

_Mira glanced off to the side, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry. I've had a lot on my mind over the last few weeks."_

_"I understand." Aki replied automatically, without the slightest comprehension. He approached the bed, situating himself on the edge. "Like what?"_

_Mira turned to face him. "I've been avoiding you."_

_"Well, that much was obvious." Aki smiled slightly. "Did I do something?"_

_"Not really."_

_That made no sense, unless something else, something serious, was affecting him. "If I haven't done anything to upset you, then why don't you want to see me?"_

_"I never said that I didn't want to see you." Mira threw his hands up, and Aki stared, confused. "You want to grab some dinner? I haven't eaten at all today."_

_"I'm not hungry." Aki chewed at his lower lip. "You're stressing me out, Mira. What are you trying to tell me?" He dropped a hand to Mira's knee in an unconscious action, not that it would have been out of the ordinary._

_Mira roughly shoved his hand aside. "Don't."_

_Aki pulled the rejected appendage back into his own lap, stunned. His legs were shaky as he pushed himself to his feet, but he managed. "I'll see you." Being able to rely on Mira for an escape had been wonderful while it had lasted, but he'd heard the saying that all good things came to an eventual end, and it appeared that this was it._

_He made it to the door without incident, grasping and turning the handle._

_"Stop."_

_Aki did, but didn't turn around. He'd listen to whatever stupid thing Mira had to stay, and then make a run for it. There was a park nearby and though it was chilly out, Aki would make do. He'd be able to think there, get himself together before he went home for the night._

_"I'm sorry."_

_"For?"_

_There was a pregnant pause, during which Aki felt the beginning of frustration flare up and he flung open the door, prepared to stomp his way across the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door._

_"Wait."_

_Aki took a deep breath. "If I was bothering you, all you had to do was tell me."_

_"You_ never _bother me, Aki. Please, come back in."_

_Aki obeyed. "You're confusing me, Mira. I'm supposed to believe I'm not bothering you when you've obviously been ignoring me? You never had a problem speaking your mind before, so why now?"_

_"Sit down."_

_Aki sat, in the desk chair this time, wisely keeping his distance. He waited quietly, irritation mounting while Mira appeared to be getting his head together._

_"I don't know how to say it."_

_"How about opening your mouth and forcing a few words out? The less cryptic, the better. Why are you avoiding me? You don't want to be around me anymore? Have I been here too much? Am I bothering you?"_

_"Stop it!" Mira raked a hand through his already unkempt hair. "No, no, and no! It's too hard being with you."_

_"What? Why? What have I-"_

_Mira hung his head. "Because I want to_ be _with you, you idiot. Is that hard to understand? Was that too cryptic for you?"_

 _Aki shook his head. "But,_ why _? I never even knew that y-you- and why_ me _?"_

 _"Like I can control it." Mira slumped over the edge of the bed in defeat. "You're a bratty, spoiled head case. You borrow my books and never return them. You scrap your chopsticks against your teeth when you eat. As if I'd_ ask _to like you."_

_Aki had to agree, and Mira only knew half of it._

_"So, yeah." The darker-haired man sat up straight, gaze focused on the bedroom door, his breathing shallow. "It's been easier for me when you're not around. I should have known it wouldn't be long before you noticed, strutted in here, and got in my face. You're an annoying, pushy little fuck; you know that?"_

_"I do." Aki fiddled with the cuff of his jacket. "But what else was I supposed to do? You drop off the face of the earth and I'm not supposed to notice or be affected by it?"_

_"I was trying," Mira huffed, eyebrows furrowing in consternation, "to do us_ both _a favor. If you'd have left me alone long enough, I could have gotten over this on my own- eventually. And then you wouldn't have to know that someone you have no interest in has feelings for you."_

_"Why does that have to be bad?" Aki inquired, head reeling. He hadn't expected this._

_"Now everything is going to be completely awkward and tense. This is why I didn't want to see you. You ever been into a best friend before?"_

_Of course not. For one, Mira was his first and only best friend, the only human being he'd trust with his life. For another, Aki was a healthy man who had experienced lust and crushes in his lifetime, but hadn't yet experienced the dubious pleasure of falling in love._

_"I can't say that I have." Aki spoke after a pause. He pushed himself out of the swivel chair and hesitantly approached the bed, staring down at his friend. "But that doesn't mean you have to go into hiding."_

_Aki understood Mira's viewpoint regardless of his lack of experience in the department; he didn't have it easy. He was even able to rationalize Mira's need to put some distance between the two of them._

_But it was obvious Mira could not understand Aki's position; he stood to lose the only solace he'd been lucky enough to obtain. Aki was willing to do anything necessary to avoid the disappearance of his one and only comfort._

_Anything. Aki seated himself next to Mira once more._

_Maybe Mira would ask before shoving his hand down the front of Aki's jeans, before entering him. Aki wondered if Mira's gentle touch would cancel out the bruising force of another. Aki could still come to visit, find a quiet place to think, gentle conversation and a safe haven to sleep._

_The exchange just might be tolerable._

_Aki reached out again, curling his palm over Mira's kneecap. He felt the older man stiffen, but he kept his hand in place, waiting until Mira hesitantly covered it with his own._

_He scooted over, until their thighs touched._

_"It's okay, Mira." He gazed at their hands, at the knee quivering beneath them, his decision then and there becoming final. Mira didn't appear able to act, so Aki clasped Mira's hand between both of his, tugging it into his own lap, gently squeezing while inching closer, until they were in direct, firm contact._

_"You better not be doing this because you feel sorry for me," Mira bit out harshly, "because if you are-"_

_"I'm not." Aki provided, moving a hand to Mira's thigh. "I promise."_

_Mira jerked, as if he'd been stuck with a cattle prod, but quickly recovered. "I guess now I'm supposed to say something sarcastic to lighten the mood."_

_Aki flexed his hand in kneading motion, hoping it inspired the comfort he'd intended. "That would be a typical Mira response, wouldn't it? Do you have anything funny to say?"_

_"I don't know what to say, period." His leg jumped under Aki's fingers. "Move your hand, please. I can't think straight with you doing that."_

_"What's the advantage to thinking straight right now?" His fingers crept higher. "Do you really feel like thinking?"_

_"What, you think that since I told you how I feel, that the next logical move is to just go at it?" Mira shot to his feet. "How did a confession of affection turn to_ let's screw _?"_

_"I'm sorry. I'm not quite sure what to do." Aki folded his hands, feeling incredibly awkward. "What do you want to do? Talk?"_

_Mira heaved a sigh. "Not really. Give my brain a chance to recover before we have any deep conversations, okay? Let's start off light, go out for dinner or something. Like I said, I haven't eaten today."_

_Aki remained calm down the stairs, past his parents and their muted argument about the amount of money Mira's mother spent on new cookware, and out the back entrance._

_Once the door had been closed and locked behind them, Aki turned to Mira, mouth crooked in amusement. "Pots and pans? They fight about everything now."_

_"Tell me about it." Mira waved a hand, bidding his parents a silent farewell. "He says that getting a job would put her head on straight. He thinks she needs to appreciate the money she spends. And I heard him telling her that if she spends all day at work, she'll be too tired to shop. Win-win, right?"_

_Aki shrugged. "Sure, but what will my mom do without her shopping companion?"_

_"Good question." For the first time since Aki had arrived, Mira flashed a genuine smile. "Our families are kind of screwy, huh?"_

Crazier than cat shit. You have no idea. _There went that smile, and relief prompted Aki to return it._

_He let out a squeak next, as his back was abruptly smashed against the cold siding of the house, his front smashed against warmth, his mouth smashed against another._

_Still, as sudden and impulsive as the kiss was, Aki was more alarmed when Mira almost immediately pulled back._

_"Uh, yeah. We're going to try that again later." He dragged Aki by the wrist down the walkway. "Let's eat."_

Ueno scooted back a bit and raising his hands to Aki's shoulders, began a gentle kneading that solicited a small sigh.

"I didn't know what to do, because I didn't think I wanted anyone's attention that way ever again. But I was curious too. I wondered how differently it would feel with someone closer to my age, who obviously cared the right way, and wouldn't force me into anything. And even though I was scared to death- imagine that- I very slowly let it happen. I'm sure Mira thought I was just innocent, but it took a lot out of me to tolerate anything from him at first, even just a kiss. I got used to it, though, and at that point, things got serious fast. I needed him. If didn't have him, I thought I'd lose it."

Ueno continued his massage, respectfully silent. So Aki slept with one man because he felt he had no choice, and the second so as not to lose the friendship that provided relief when he was distressed from sleeping with the first. Even his first encounter with Ueno hadn't been born of choice.

 _Good Grief._ Aki had never been with _anyone_ simply because he wanted to be.

The floodgates had been opened, and Aki was giving Ueno exactly what he'd asked for; complete honestly and the opportunity to know him as intimately as possible. As Ueno listened, however, he continued to experience the same paralyzing thoughts; that Aki needed a _whole_ lot of fixing, and no matter how much Ueno loved him, this wasn't a job he was qualified to undertake.

 


	27. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Apprehensive in undertaking a seemingly Herculean task, Ueno sat quietly until his fear lessened to a level where his standard determination once again came to the forefront. "Go on."

"I can't remember how many times I left in the middle of the night and ran to his house. No matter how late, he was always there to let me in, let me rest somewhere quiet, even though I never gave him a reason for why I came, why I was calling him at three in the morning. So, like I said, even though Mira can be a pain, he can be very caring- a lot like you. He can be so gentle and sweet. But he has a temper too; he's just not likely to lose it over someone who doesn't matter. When I finally broke down one night and told him about my uncle, I learned that. And about the same time, I think my uncle figured out for sure that I was with Mira, too."

"You think Mira told him?"

"No. Mira lost any respect he had for my uncle, and the change was very obvious to everyone in the family. He had no other outlet, since I made him swear to keep his mouth shut about everything. My uncle picked up on it, I bet. When he mentioned it, I tried to play dumb, but he didn't buy it for a second. I think he had some sort of proof. My family knew how much time I spent with Mira, and I'm sure my dad mentioned it more than once. He must have drawn his own conclusions from there."

Ueno's sympathy temporarily shifted to Satou-san. The poor man loved his son to pieces-more than Aki seemed to recognize- but unknowingly worsened the situation.

"On top of that, my parents had been talking to him about me and how my sister was doing, and he said it might be easier for her to recover if we were separated for a while. And of course, my uncle had the perfect suggestion. I would have picked another relative or found some kind of alternate plan, but my uncle had my dad sold, and he liked the idea."

_"Aki. Your father and I would like to see you in the living room, please." The voice sounded from the other side of his bedroom door._

_Aki was at home, for once. He'd holed himself up in his bedroom all afternoon and most of the evening. He'd been hopeful that the silence would last until bedtime, when he would take a shower, extinguish the lights, and sleep away the night, expediting his morning escape._

_Uncle Hide had arrived about an hour ago; Aki had seen his car pull up, been called down to greet him, and made quick excuse to return to his room. He hadn't expected anything out of the ordinary; since their showdown months ago, life had been stressful, but uneventful._

_On the other hand, his uncle hadn't touched him since then, so perhaps his time of peace was over._

_Aki threw his notebook aside and stood up slowly, taking his time in following his mother's order._

_Regardless of his stroll, the walk to his family was much too quick. He stopped in the entryway, taking in trio before him._

_They looked like they were posing for a family picture; his mother sat in the middle, skirt arranged just-so, a man on either side of her. His uncle was attired as he was normally. He wore jeans that fit him like a second skin, the dark-washed denim showcasing his slender frame, along with a black long-sleeved turtleneck. His leather jacket was missing, most likely hung up by the front entrance. His dark, impossibly shiny hair was arranged to resemble disorder, though each unruly lock of hair had been strategically placed with gel to ensure that it stayed there._

_His father had returned home from work not long before, and hadn't yet managed to slide out of his business attire. He sat to the right of Aki's mother, hands cupped over his knees, mouth set in a straight line, which was never good._

What have I done now _? Aki had to wonder. He'd been a good boy these days; he tried his hardest to attract as little attention is humanly possible. What was this about?_

_"Evening, son."_

_"Hi, dad." Aki returned, seating himself alone on the couch opposite his elders. "What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing, nothing." His father shook his head. "Your mother and I were just discussing how your sister has been doing here at home."_

_"And while we have to admit that she's been trying very hard to make the right choices, there are some stressors that are causing some problems. Since we've promised not to check her into a facility at this point, our next step is to make sure that she's able to continue her recovery, minus any factors that cause her distress." His mother was apparently choosing her words very carefully, but couldn't disguise true intent, only soften the blow._

_Aki grew nauseous. "Minus me."_

_Uncle Hide took his turn. "Aki, we think that separating the two of you-at least temporarily- will be beneficial for you both, not just your sister. Her hallucinations were a very serious side effect, and although she's making a commendable effort to recover on her own, she still believes those sights to be true. That means she still harbors animosity towards both you and myself. If she doesn't have to focus on those thoughts each day, her recovery might go more smoothly. Don't you want that?"_

_"While it pains us to even consider the idea of removing you or your uncle from the picture, we believe it's best, at least for a short period of time." That was his mother speaking._

_"R-remove?" Aki clutched a pillow in his pale fingers, squeezing occasionally. "You want me to leave?"_

_"We don't_ want _you to leave. This is a decision we've arrived at based on what's beneficial for Fumi's recovery. And the move wouldn't be permanent; just until she's more stable and we're able to discuss what's happened more logically."_

_Aki was aware that all three adults had lapsed into silence, no doubt waiting for Aki to process their proposal and react. His initial thoughts were in regards to where he would have to stay from that point, and how quickly he'd have to leave. Did they expect him to rent an apartment, or stay with family? Would he have a say in who he moved in with? Would they still support him, or would he have to find a job?_

_"Aki?" His mother abandoned her seat and rushed to his side. "I know what this looks like. But your Uncle Hide has already offered to share his apartment with you. He has plenty of space."_

_"But what about Mira? W-why can't I-"_

_"We can't impose on any other family members, son. The less of them that know about this, the better, and since your Uncle Hide was involved and is aware of the problem, it makes the most sense for you to stay with him."_

_But his parents had believed him; why was he being punished?_

_He spared a glance at his beloved uncle, incensed at the sympathetic smile that curved his lips. He supposed that because his parents did in fact believe him over his sister-erroneously- that this must be a punishment from a higher source for deceiving them._

_"Aki?" His mother wrapped her arms around him, urging his head to her shoulder and for once, Aki didn't fight it. He'd since dropped the pillow, and his hands rested lifelessly in his lap, head drooping, his face pressed to his mother's neck._

_Her voice was thick with tears and she murmured words of endearment, but they fell on deaf ears. He took no comfort from her, though he supposed the action was probably therapeutic- for her._

_He set his muscles into motion, shrugging free of his mother's embrace and sitting up straight. "When?"_

_"Well," his father cleared his throat, "we figured you could take your time packing, and leave when you're ready. Besides, we would like to spend some more time with you before you go. We know this isn't easy."_

_"Give me an hour."_

_"An hour?" His father repeated, quietly. "You don't have any questions? We certainly didn't expect you to leave tonight."_

_"What good will it do to ask questions? You've all made up your minds without any input from me. I wouldn't want to hold back her progress any longer than I already have."_

_Uncle Hide spoke to Aki's father. "I can wait until he's ready. I'm sure I can get him calmed down later. You can call him then."_

_Aki, ignoring his mother's tears, his father's obvious guilt, and his uncle's barely concealed smugness, jogged back to his bedroom. He threw open his closet and stuffed every bit of clothing that would fit into his luggage._

_It was funny; he had no clue what to expect, living under the same roof as his uncle permanently, but he wasn't looking forward to it. At the same time, he'd rather live with Uncle Hide than with parents who'd make a decision like this without his opinion, who would unwittingly send him to live with the very man who had helped Aki cause this turmoil._

_He should have used some of the time he spent in his room placing a call to Mira, but he didn't think it wise. At this point, he didn't have the mental strength to field Mira's anger or explain the situation to him. As an afterthought, though, he tapped out a message both simple and cryptic, sure to send his lover into hysterics and powered off his phone immediately after._

_His anger flared to such a degree that he didn't take any time to survey and pick through any personal belongings; all he stuffed into his luggage other than his clothing and toiletries was his phone._

_That done, Aki wasted no time; he hauled his belongings to the front door and waited until his uncle had hugged his father and kissed his mother. He overheard Uncle Hide promising to keep them posted, and then he was escorted out the front door and into the passenger seat. His parents didn't try to force Aki's acknowledgement, didn't stand outside to see them off, and that was fine with him. If they showed any compassion at this point, Aki would have a more difficult time holding onto his anger._

"I didn't have any choice unless I wanted to make a run for it. My dad didn't want me living on my own then, didn't want me living with Mira's family, or any of our own family. I didn't put up a fight. I wasn't happy with the development but I agreed, and hated him for it."

"Hated who? Your uncle?"

"My dad."

"What about your mom?"

"No." Aki froze in Ueno's arms.

"How come?"

"I don't know." Ueno heard trace evidence of bewilderment. "Huh."

"Your mom was for it too, so why not?"

"I don't know." Aki repeated himself. "Maybe I expected too much from him. I waited for him to figure out that we'd both lied to him, for him to fix everything. I guess denial doesn't help, but I expected him to see past it, I think."

Ueno tightened his arms and while Aki lapsed into silence, wrestling with his confusion. Ueno was reminded of the first time they'd had it out in public. When Aki had admitted he was screwed up, he'd really meant it.

"Huh." Aki said again, not in the form of a question.

"Yeah?"

"I never thought about that before. About being angrier at him than anyone else.”

Ueno locked his fingers together against Aki's middle. "So what happened after that?"

"I moved. Mira was mad at me, my sister wasn't speaking to me, my parents were tense, and I shut down. Didn't take much with me, except for some clothes, which I didn't end up keeping once I got settled in. When Mira and I had our talk and cleared the air, he told me what happened with her then, since my parents didn't say. I knew that my sister had disappeared again, but had no idea why, for how long, or exactly when she'd left until last weekend. Why my parents didn't tell me, I have no clue. She was gone for months. Of course, when I talked to them on the phone, I never asked about her, and they never offered the information, so I didn't find out until I came home for my dad's birthday. At first, I'd thought that maybe she'd been off with a friend or something, but then I wondered why she'd be gone on dad's birthday. When I mentioned that, my mom told me that she _wasn't home right now_. As if I couldn't tell."

Aki scooted forward slightly before turning. "I thought I'd feel better once I told you." He made to stand. "I want to go."

Aki hadn't _said_ that he intended to go home alone, but his tone inspired Ueno to ask. "By yourself? Nuh uh." Aki kneeled, facing him, and he quickly reached forward, grabbing both slender wrists. "Of course you don't feel good about it right now."

Aki wasn't listening any longer. "I knew she wasn't home. That's why I _asked;_ I wanted to know what _right now_ meant. Did it mean for a few days, a month, what? And if she'd been gone for so long, why didn't they tell me, or take me back? Sometimes I thought about coming clean, but when I think about the fact that they didn't want me home anyway, I didn't see the point. I'd screwed up so bad, and they had already sent me away. I figured if they hated me it couldn't make matters any worse too, but I couldn't bring myself to do it."

It took very little effort to urge Aki back onto the sand. "I don't know. But your parents didn't understand what you were going through, so I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you. They love you to death; any idiot can see that." Ueno also figured they loved him enough to deal with whatever trials came with Aki's confession, but he kept that thought to himself for the time being. .

Aki looked past him. "Anyway, I think you know the rest."

"Yeah." Ueno nodded. "I think you've been through enough tonight. Never heard you talk so much." Ueno wasn't complaining; Aki no doubt had desperately needed to vent, whether he realized it or not.

"I'd say so. Besides, I'm disgusting when I cry and I've managed to avoid it, but I don't know for how much longer."

"I can't imagine that. I'm sure you're a cute crier." _Maybe you should._ Tears were normal. Freaking out was normal. Even crazy behavior was to be expected; some sort of lashing out or deviation of personality wouldn't be considered out of the ordinary.

Aki smiled weakly. "In a nutshell, I just told you that I slept with my uncle, pretended to love my best friend, turned my back on my sister, and lied to my entire family. Instead of making a decision, you're teasing me?"

"What decision am I supposed to be making?"

"You can't tell me that this doesn't bother you at all. Whether or not you st-"

"I don't see what decision there is for me to make. You don't listen. And what if I said this didn't bug me?" Beyond bothered, and with more than a few questions he deemed stupid at the tip of his tongue, he wisely kept his talk light.

"I wouldn't believe you."

"Of course not. I don't think I'd be human if it didn't bother me."

"And it should. If I were in your place, I'd be pretty disgusted myself."

"I didn't say I was _disgusted_. I'm not sure what word I'm trying to use since I'm still processing everything, but disgusted isn't it."

"What are you thinking, then?"

Ueno spoke carefully, all too aware that Aki would hang onto every word and use any opportunity to take them as a negative. "That when you told me you had problems, I expected something less serious. I figured you had to be exaggerating." Ueno pulled the fairer in, joining him at the forehead. "I've told you before that I feel like a little kid compared to you, and it worries me that I don't completely understand your life. I guess most people would say that we're not very well matched, huh?"

"I guess." Aki swallowed. "That's true."

"Yeah. But I love you. I can't help it."

"But you did say you it hasn't sunk in yet."

"You had my reaction figured out, didn't you? You don't just _expect_ me to be disgusted by you; you want me to be. I guess I am a little disgusted by everything you told me, but not the way you probably think, and never by you."

Aki averted his eyes.

"By the way, when I first went to that apartment and saw you on the floor all tied up, I never assumed that you were normal. The handcuffs and that gag kind of clued me in, so even though you've surprised me today, you shouldn't assume that I ever thought you were saintly. I knew you had to have some sort of crazy story."

Aki had no idea how to reply. Ueno's words rang true, and he felt silly for not recognizing his boyfriend's logic sooner.

"And," Ueno continued, "maybe you didn't escape completely unharmed, but at least you got past it. I feel bad for you, but I'm proud of you too."

Aki, startled, turned back to Ueno. "Proud? Who knows where I would have been if he hadn't kicked me out?"

"There's no point in thinking about that now, right? You know what else?" Ueno wrote the question off as rhetorical, plunging his fingers into the ground and then flinging a handful of sand into Aki's lap. "I'm hanging out with my boyfriend, who I barely met five weeks ago and slept with within five minutes of meeting. We're discussing his past of sexual slavery with his uncle while sitting in a sandbox at a playground, and I love him-a whole lot. Can you really call _me_ normal now?"

Aki found himself clinging to his old way of thinking though Ueno was making a great deal of sense. "If you hadn't met me, you'd still be normal. You still are, compared to me."

"I know this must have been hard for you, but you've been honest with me, so now I'll risk sounding corny and be honest with you."

Ueno took his time before continuing, arranging Aki comfortably against him.

"If we hadn't met that day and things hadn't turned out the way they did, maybe our paths would never have crossed in another way. Or maybe they would have, but we never would have recognized each other. I don't like that idea at all, though. Maybe you'd never have left him, never enrolled in school, and we'd never have run into each other there. I didn't know what I was signing up for; your flaky parents, your perverted uncle, a pain in the ass ex-boyfriend-or whatever you wanna call him- or your nosy relatives. But I'm glad we did. If we'd never met, I'd never have known what I was missing. If being _normal_ means that I can't have you, then screw normal, okay?" It didn't matter how embarrassing his words were, or how naked voicing them made him feel. "I know you've got a lot on your mind, but quit it with the normal life crap; I think we've established that we'll never be that. We can deal with this."

Ueno pulled Aki in until they were nose to nose. "So instead, tell me what I can do."

"Do?"

"To help."

There was something odd, even to Aki, about straddling another person's lap in the middle of a sandbox. His nerves were frayed and raw in response to the day's events, he felt moments from falling apart at the seams, and he wanted to be held until his panic faded.

Aki spoke his name, but was unable to continue. He sagged, nuzzling his forehead into Ueno's shoulder. He was playing a dramatic role but wasn't dishonest in the slightest. In the aftermath of intense stress, his muscles were starting to bunch and constrict and he knew a headache wasn't far behind. "Take me home."

Hands grabbed at his waist, then slid around to join behind his back. "I have an idea."

"Hmm?" Aki closed his eyes.

"Want to stay at my place for a couple of days? We'll bring your homework and the kitty." He pressed a lingering kiss to Aki's hair.

"Yes," Aki said, reply weak but passionate, "I'd like that. I know I'm acting like a little kid, but I don't want to see or talk to anyone else until I have to. No one will bother us?"

"Nobody. And you're not overreacting; you're burned out. I'm okay with spoiling you for a while." Ueno _said_ spoiling, but quite specifically meant babying. Either was fine with him; Aki deserved it. Despite all the attention Ueno could and would shower on his boyfriend, he found himself wondering if it would be enough.

"But every time we think everything is fine something or someone ruins it." Energy waning, he sank against Ueno's form.

"You got that right. Not this time, though. We can hide out at my place. We won't tell anyone where we're going, and I'll turn off our phones too, okay?"

"Okay."

On the outside, he fit his well-adjusted image to the letter. His innards were another story. Ueno's main goal at this point was to simply keep Aki calm and let him bring all of his feelings and experiences out into the open.

But what then? Life had to continue, but Ueno was woefully unprepared for the unexpected toll that Aki's admissions were taking on him. The realization that he couldn't rely on his carefree and laid back attitude to fix matters was staggering, because it worked on damn near everything else. Hugs, kisses, and taking care of Aki's basic needs may not be enough. The kind of help someone in Aki's situation would need was beyond a warm dinner and cuddling, right?

But something was better than nothing. He resolved to make the remainder of the weekend calming, comfortable and warm. That was a start. He was good at that.

Rather than rise and pull Aki to his feet immediately, his hands assumed a circling motion, applying pressure here and there over Aki's taut muscles. Their noses brushed as Ueno angled his head. Aki's lips were cold, and as Ueno kissed him, he resolved to warm them, and finagle into rights anything that was in his power to repair.

Arms wound around Ueno's neck in a vice-like grip and Aki clung there until Ueno broke off the kiss and urged him to stand. "Let's finish this someplace warm, okay?"

Aki had never behaved quite so obediently, even for Ueno. Quiet and contemplative, he walked with his hand folded in Ueno's solid grip the entire way to his apartment. At Ueno's instruction, he selected his clothing and gathered up his homework, books and supplies, which Ueno packed for him.

He sat by silently as Ueno saw to the kitten's needs before bundling him up and handing him over to Aki.

To use the term sad to describe Aki at that particular point would have been inaccurate; quite the contrary. During their walk, Aki had progressed to elation, relieved to have bared his soul without rejection, but apprehensive regarding Ueno's possible state of mind _after_ he resonated with the facts, and also drained of energy from the myriad of events and expression of emotion.

"Ready?"

Aki nodded, zipping the kitten up underneath his coat and reaching for Ueno's outstretched hand. "I'm ready."

"Okay. Let's drop everything off at my apartment, and then go grocery shopping." Ueno shut the door behind them and tugged Aki in the direction of the elevator.

"Whatever you want," Aki answered, allowing himself to be led, "but what do we need at the store?"

"Food, dummy. I'm never there anymore, so I don't have anything to make. You didn't eat a bite earlier. You'll get hungry at some point, and what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you starve?"

"Isn't it exhausting?"

"What?"

"Taking care of everyone except yourself." Aki gave him a sidelong glance. "I couldn't do it."

Ueno smiled. "It's not chore or a job. I just like doing it. And you've done the same, but maybe you don't see it." He left it at that, electing not to mention that there were several positive aspects that Aki ceased to recognize about himself.

The two of them followed Ueno's plan to the letter and at long last, a showered and fed Aki curled up in Ueno's cozy apartment while he cleaned up after dinner.

Hovering somewhere between awareness and dozing, he was able to hear, though somewhat detached, Ueno while he puttered around the apartment; a door shutting, dishes being stacked, quiet footfalls, running water, muted slamming of cabinetry.

The footfalls sounded closer and closer, until he was roused by gentle hands shaking him to full wakefulness.

"Head still hurt?" Ueno kneeled next to him, a glass of water in one hand, the fingers of his other hand curled around something. "Take these."

Aki raised himself up and took the offered painkillers. "You don't want any help?"

"I know something's wrong if you're offering to help." Ueno took the glass and stood. "I'll put you to bed."

"It's too early for bed." Even while saying so, Aki was certainly wilting fast.

Seconds later, a warm hand rested on his belly, again pulling him pleasantly back to semi-consciousness. Cracking his eyelids, he saw though a haze Ueno hovering above him.

"Bedtime." The darker haired man whispered. "Let's go."

In truth, as spoiled as Aki was in regards to things material, he could have remained wherever he was quite comfortably. He groaned a little in protest, but didn't fight the hands that pulled him into a sitting position, then off the couch completely.

Aki shuffled with Ueno to the bedroom, sweetly docile as he was pushed into bed, struggling to wait for Ueno to settle down with him. He sighed in contentment when the bed dipped under Ueno's added weight.

"I think I… I- um." Aki made to move, but his limbs were seemingly weighed down. His thoughts were already beginning to whirl and mix. "You know… how people talk about..."

"Sure I do." Aki heard what he assumed was laughter, a rustling of bedclothes, felt a whistle of warm breath on his cheeks before the kiss.

"Heard people say that.. things happen for a reason, or that there's only one person in the world made just for them, stuff like that. Garbage, huh?"

There was a pause before Ueno answered. "Maybe. I think it would be nice if were true."

"Maybe it was my job to screw up and make all of those stupid mistakes. And it was your job to show me how stupid I was." Aki yawned.

"Tough job." Ueno kidded.

"Mmhm." Aki reached up and lightly rested a hand on Ueno's shoulder. "M'sorry you got stuck with it."

"I'm not sorry and you shouldn't be either." Ueno smiled crookedly down at the fairer. "You're not stupid. I like my job."

"You're the only one who could have done it." Aki bit his lower lip, transferring his hand to Ueno's cheek. Ueno was saying something else, almost muttering, and Aki strained to hear. "Hmm?"

He flushed. "I said you're amazing."

"And you're crazy."

"I don't know how I'd have handled what you have, but I'm positive it wouldn't be pretty. But you got through it, _somehow_. And I do think that's amazing."

"It's you."

"Huh?"

"You were made for me, maybe." He was beginning to think Ueno had slipped a little something extra into his drink.

Even half asleep, Aki had no problems imagining the blush that Ueno had to be sporting. But Aki had so recently battled one of his own demons; this admission was nothing.

Or so he thought. He'd have slid pleasantly into slumber, had it not been for Ueno's silence. Aki cracked open his eyelids and whispered to the figure still hovering above him. "Is that stupid?"

"No." Ueno whispered back, his cheeks abnormally rosy.

It seemed to be choreographed; the shifting and placement of their limbs so harmonious, and perfectly timed. Aki reached up with both arms and Ueno lowered himself, supporting his weight on his forearms before Aki gently gripped the back of his head, fingers embedded in thick, soft hair.

Aki gave a small hum before pulling Ueno forward the remaining distance. The first kiss was short, chaste, and followed by a brief pause before Ueno heaved a sigh of his own and dipped his head for another.

It may have seemed odd to think an ex-lover at a time like this, but Aki had to admit that Mira had been correct; Ueno did have a luxurious, kissable, soft set of lips.

He felt Ueno shift his weight before reaching out and fumbling with something, and then the room went black.

"Ueno," Aki mumbled, drowsily, "did you put something in my tea?"

"You bet." Ueno's reply was instant, unabashed. "I thought some booze might help you sleep. You could tell, huh?"

Aki chuckled quietly. "I thought that maybe your tea making skills were lacking today."

"I'm the tea master; you know that."

Aki slowly rolled onto his side, and Ueno settled behind him.

"Sleep." Ueno spoke quietly. "We'll talk some more tomorrow."

"Mmm," Aki replied, quivering in contentment, "tomorrow."

Tomorrow would be better.

* * *

 

It was strange, thought Aki to himself, how his dreams and nightmares were revealing themselves while he lay awake.

It would be expected for him to wake several times throughout the night, shaking remnants of disturbing dreams from his brain. Waking to flashbacks was a different story. He'd open his eyes with no recollection of conflicted slumber; it was as if his mind was encouraging him to rise, so that he could revisit his past more logically.

And he'd lie there, Ueno breathing steadily behind him, arm tossed over Aki's waist, those long puffs of air warming the back of his neck while he witnessed the manifestation of his memories. Some weren't as disturbing as the rest, though he'd lost count of the memories that had replayed themselves that morning, of the times he'd opened his eyes and become lost in thought.

Rolling his muscles into motion, he turned under Ueno's arm, stopping when his boyfriend's rhythmic breathing broke.

"Sorry," Aki whispered to him, dropping his head to the pillow, "go back to sleep."

Dawn was still a while in coming, so Aki wasn't able to read Ueno's expression, but his tone put Aki at ease.

"Your brain still won't sleep? What's in there now?"

"This and that," Aki replied playfully, relieved to have an alert companion, "but I'm fine."

Ueno didn't answer, and Aki knew him well enough to know that he was waiting for clarification; _this and that_ wasn't going to satisfy him.

"My last day with my uncle- no big deal." Aki threw that last part in, a feeble attempt to lighten the subject.

"Oh yeah. You remember that one time I got my ass kicked real bad? No big deal."

"But it's over now."

"Yeah."

Aki heard a quick intake of breath, as if Ueno were about to speak, and then nothing. "What is it?"

"No-"

"You better not say nothing."

"I'd been thinking about some stuff since we talked last night, and I don't want to sound insecure or like I need some kind of ego boost, but something's been bothering me."

Aki smiled in the darkness. "Just one thing? I'd say you're doing pretty well, then. Let me have it."

Ueno took his time; Aki suspected his boyfriend was searching for appropriate wording. Aki waited patiently, strangely fascinated.

"Well, I was going over everything you told me before about your uncle, and then about what you told me last night about Mira. I don't think I ever really understood what that meant until last night."

"And what did you come up with?" Aki propped himself up on an elbow.

"I guess what bothers me is the thought that you were sort of forced to be with.. _him_ , and you got together with Mira because you felt as though you needed to."

"Yes." Aki answered him simply.

"So, that means you haven't chosen to be with anyone."

Aki sat up. "Except for you."

"How come, then?"

"Excuse me?"

Aki felt Ueno heave himself up into a sitting position next to him. "Uh- you said last night that you were able to sleep with all of those people because you could go out of your head, something like that, right?"

"Basically."

"And with Mira, it was hard on you too, right?"

"Yes." Aki refused to sugar coat the facts. "Go on."

He waited, and when it became apparent that Ueno had no intention of continuing, Aki inched closer. "What are you trying to say?"

"Shit, this embarrassing."

"I don't care how embarrassing it is," Aki returned, "please tell me."

"What about with me?"

Aki swallowed hard, reaching out until he could determine Ueno's placement. He turned, until he was sitting astride Ueno's lap, his knees gently pressing into Ueno's hips. "Please, _please_ tell me you're not feeling guilty about this."

"I'm trying, really. I tell myself that we're doing okay now, and that you're out of that situation. But since you explained everything to me, I've been thinking about how I was involved in it."

"Ueno, I told you before; you got me _out_ of it, too."

Ueno continued in a rush, as if he hadn't heard Aki at all. "And the fact that you may have had to resort to some sort of coping method to get through it makes me feel a little weird, even though logically, I understand why you would need to do it. I just wanted to know."

"Did you hear me, Ueno? I told you I mouthed off to him that day, right? Who you do think put me in that frame of mind, where I couldn't handle the thought of that kind of life anymore?"

Ueno was silent, which was fine, such Aki wasn't finished anyway.

"And _no_ , I didn't just _cope_ with you." Aki wound his arms around Ueno's shoulders. "You were a random stranger that I didn't want to be bothered by; that's the truth. But I know better now. Besides, you couldn't _feel_ that I wasn't coping?"

"Why?"

"I honestly can't say why." Aki replied. "I don't know why I responded to you and no one else. You're special and I'm crazy about you; that's all I can say. And before you ask; it wasn't because sex with you was incredible, although it really was. That was for the ego boost you said you didn't need."

Ueno coughed. "Um, thanks for that. Sorry."

"What for?" What sort of guilt was he harboring now?

"Temporary moment of weakness, I guess. It was a dumb thing to worry about, with all that you're going through right now." Ueno cleared his throat and wormed his way out from underneath Aki's weight. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Checking on Blackie?" Aki deliberately lightened his tone.

"Don't call him that. Yeah, it's about time to feed him anyway."

Ueno shuffled his way into the bathroom, flipping the light switch as he closed the door.

 _Ugh._ Aki flopped onto his back, vaguely disturbed. He should have known that Ueno would start imposing that sort of guilt on himself. There had to be some sort of way to ma-

Behind the closed bathroom door, whooping sounded. Startled, Aki almost toppled from the edge of the bed. Before he could react any further, he heard the knob turn, rapid footsteps, and then the bedroom was flooded with light.

Aki shut his eyes against the sudden brightness, dangerously close to falling again as Ueno dove into bed.

"Aki, look! Look, look, look, look."

The first thing Aki noticed when he opened his eyes was Ueno's absolutely gleeful smile. A split second later, he received a face full of fur. He reached out, hands cupping their furry baby gently, and moved it away so he could see whatever Ueno was laughing and blubbering on about.

He took his first look and stunned, he almost dropped his tiny bundle at the sight of two half-slit, milky bluish-gray eyes, adding some sort of extra life to the kitten he and Ueno had painstakingly been coddling for nearly a week.

He looked up, momentarily speechless, at Ueno, who sat bouncing in place on top of the bedclothes.

Caught up in the moment and unable to articulate, Aki howled weakly. Ueno howled back, and then abruptly ceased his wiggling. "Did you really just do that?"

"I think so." Aki regained his senses. "Let's just forget it."

"Not a chance, Mister Messed Up." Ueno smiled broadly, and scooted over to Aki's side. "You had a goofy moment, and I loved it. He really seems alive now, right?"

Ueno had echoed his own thoughts. "We have to name him soon. I still vote for Blackie."

"We promised you dad we wouldn't. Let's try and think of something more creative."

It seemed absurd for the two of them to sit up brainstorming before dawn, but they sat cuddled up together for hours, passing the kitten back and forth, testing out kitten names, for the moment completely disregarding events of the night and conversations of the morning.

He'd messed up royally, but life would go on; Aki had always known that. He knew that the days ahead would be full of painful memories months and years past, questions and conversations. He figured it would take some time for awkwardness and hesitation to pass. He knew that after their excitement abated that all of that would return.

But Aki had the love of his life, the most amazing individual imaginable, pressed against his side, cooing down to Blackie or Fluffy, or whatever, well aware of Aki's dirty deeds and staunchly refusing to go elsewhere in spite of them.

Despite what was to come in the coming days, weeks, or months, he realized that the life that would continue on could very well be more promising.

 


	28. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Warmth that inspired shivering was Aki's first experience upon waking. Without lifting his lids, Aki was aware that daylight hadn't yet made an appearance. Seconds later he did, to take a peek at Ueno's bedside clock.

Aki was startled to note the early hour. Ueno and he had retired early enough that even the hours they had whittled away sitting up in bed chatting hadn't burned up the night. It was fine with him; what amazed him was the fact that he still felt fresh as a daisy, graced with the pleasure of resting quietly next to Ueno while he slept. The opportunity was one he didn't receive often, and one he never would have guessed possible to delight in.

They had both received their fair share of shock and stress the previous night. Ueno needed the rest.

The desperation he'd felt the night before had passed and Aki was surprised at the effects of one short night of coddling, gentleness and understanding. Ueno possessed some serious skill, bedroom prowess excluded; even though it was while ago, the memory hadn't faded.

Even if last night hadn't occurred, Ueno seemed to know what Aki needed, seemingly with very little effort. He appreciated Ueno's obvious devotion, but he recognized now, as he curled up next to the man he'd only recently met but quickly grown to love and treasure, that he'd done very little to deserve such attention, and done about as much in return for such a gift.

Aki cupped his hand over the ball of Ueno's shoulder. _At least I've had more of a chance to deal with most of this._ Ueno hadn't, and though he had been nothing but understanding, loving and encouraging, the effect would be inevitable. Ueno absolutely couldn't shoulder the entire burden unscathed. No one could.

Still, Ueno had been the popularly termed _rock_ that he'd needed and as a result, Aki was now living an unpredictable, yet sweeter existence. His relationship with his family, however dubious, appeared to be progressing into _something._ Secure in his own domicile, he had his close, yet unlikely comrade in Mira, a lovable, resilient boyfriend, and a much more positive outlook than ever. Possible havoc continued to loom, but Aki felt prepared to think matters through logically instead of ignore them and take flight, at the very least. He was at a loss as to what he could have done to deserve this.

 _Nothing, yet,_ Aki supposed, stroking the nape of Ueno's neck before his fingers glided down his spine, noticing then that Ueno's t-shirt was most definitely not on his person. Most likely, he had shrugged out of it in his sleep; he grew warm easily.

Happier and more content than he could ever recall, two worries continued to loom nonetheless. One invoked a fluttering, annoying sort of stress and the other a nagging confusion mixed with anticipation.

Uncle Hide had stayed underground for weeks, which Aki had to admit led him into a false sense of security. He'd known that his uncle's absence would in no way erase the memories of their years together, but it would have ensured a less scandalous future.

Realistically, Aki understood why his uncle eventually made his appearance. Was he supposed to remain hidden from his family indefinitely? Of course not. Regardless of the outcome of their own relationship, Uncle Hide remained his father's brother and a loved member of their clan. His indefinite absence would cause concern and only benefit Aki.

It was unlikely that his uncle would attempt to lure Aki back into his home. He was of no use to his uncle anymore in that capacity. Still, Aki wouldn't put it past Uncle Hide to use any opportunity to make Aki uncomfortable, and the situations would always be awkward. Avoidance-if at all possible- would be Aki's one and only option.

Then there was Ueno. He should be happy that he'd managed to snag the affection and loyalty of such an exceptional human being. Aki had given up on unscrambling Ueno's thought process. He suspected it was rather simple anyway, and that was the reason Ueno was able to live his life honestly, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and bouncing unharmed from adversity. Aki needed that; his frame of mind and his soul did well under Ueno's ministrations, but he couldn't shake the feeling that his own past and current situations would bring about a change in Ueno that would only serve to frustrate Aki further.

There were two fears that prevented Aki from acting on urges that stole over him while they rested together in bed, against one another on the couch, walking hand in hand, or while sharing a hug or chaste kiss.

More specifically, while Aki was unable to deny that Ueno's loving attitude worked wonders, lighting a candle in the dark and providing relief from his own rioting but progressive through processes, Aki wanted more from him, and feared the more Ueno learned the less he would desire any physical manifestation of love.

Knowing Ueno, the subject of further intimacy, of sex, was not currently open for exploration. Their tiny bit of progress Monday was merely a taste of what they'd experienced the first day they had met. Aki relived that day more times than he could count, blood running hot at the recollection, unsure of when he could expect to feel so wonderfully alive and charged again. Would Ueno ever touch him with the same reckless abandon as that first day? How long was it going to take for Ueno to look at him without immediately questioning what wrongs were to be righted and what he could do to help and simply _touch_ him? How would Ueno react if he knew that some nights while Aki curled up at his side, he longed to hear Ueno panting, above, behind or below him? If he told Ueno that he didn't want dinner, that he'd much rather enjoy a fevered, sweaty, messy roll on the floor, couch, bed, _whatever_ , would Ueno do it? And if he did, would it be with reluctance?

The second fear was the question of whether he was even ready for that sort of intensity again. While his breath quickened in recollection, his urges were based on a one-time experience long past. When he remembered the bite of Ueno's fingers as they clutched at his hips, of the kiss, of Ueno's raspy, uneven breath, he wondered how true his recollection really was. The sharp snap of Ueno's hipbone colliding with his buttocks, the smoothness of his skin against Ueno's; had their afternoon together been so wonderful, or had he embellished the significance of that encounter in his head? There were moments where Aki feared the contact would be too much for him, that he wasn't ready for it yet, that he wasn't as healed as he sometimes felt.

Flesh contracted under his fingers and Aki drew away guiltily. For a second time, Aki had disrupted Ueno's slumber.

"Aki?"

"Hi." Aki returned, almost shyly.

"Everything okay?"

"Very." Aki smiled. "I can't sleep, but I'm fine."

"Mmm." Ueno breathed into his pillow. "It's still early. You up worrying some more?"

"I'd been thinking about you meeting my family, the misunderstandings, and last night, with what I told you. And all within a few weeks." Aki pressed himself closer, softly kissing Ueno's shoulder. "It has to be stressful for you, even though you say you're fine."

"Things happen fast around you," Ueno admitted quietly, unmoving, "but I'll adjust. I'm more worried about you. What do you think he's got planned? And what are _we_ going to do?"

Aki hadn't thought that far ahead. "I don't know. I can assume that he doesn't plan on staying out of the way or he wouldn't have shown up last night. I think he'll keep quiet if I don't provoke him. Talking about what we've done would be damaging for him too. I'll have to wait and see how he behaves the next time I see him."

"Next time?"

"There isn't any proof that he's even interested anymore; he may be trying to keep me on edge. I don't plan on being caught alone with him, but I'm sure he'll be around more."

"Alone, in a group, in public- I don't care. Every time I picture his face from last night, I see you with your arm in that sling and your face all bruised and-" Ueno stopped mid-tirade and took a breath.

"Ueno, I get the feeling you're working toward insisting that I stay away from him no matter what, and that's not even a little realistic." Aki spoke haltingly. "Whether he's a pervert, molester, pedophile, or mentally disturbed- whatever you want to call him- he's part of my family and I can't explain away completely ignoring him without telling my parents at least part of the truth."

Aki waited for a reply, but was only party to dead silence.

"I promise to _try_. And if he _is_ ever around, I'll make sure that you know." That was the best- and only- offer that Aki could make.

A flatulent sound came from between Ueno's lips.

"I'm against being forced into anything now. And there's also the possibility that he won't try anything, right?"

"Right." Ueno spoke as if he were regurgitating the word.

"So until he does, which may never happen, I don't want to waste any more of my energy on him. Let's talk about something more interesting."

Ueno grumbled.

"Since you're sulking, I'll start. You know my life story now, but I haven't received your file yet. When is your birthday?"

"Huh?" Ueno finally rolled over. "That's an awkward question. Why do you want to know?"

"Just trying to learn the fundamentals. Shouldn't I know your birthday anyway? And was asking your birthday more awkward than asking for your name the first time we ran into each other, about a week after you were inside me on my uncle's floor?"

"I don't know. After how you reacted to what I did on _your_ birthday, I have a right to be suspicious. And how vulgar of you." Ueno chuckled again, apparently taken aback but amused by Aki's bold recollection.

"I could have made it sound more romantic, but why? That's what happened, or don't you remember?"

"I remember it just fine." Ueno paused before continuing. "That was easily the strangest day of my life and I've got my souvenir in bed next to me."

 _Would you rather have a t-shirt?_ "It would be difficult, when you put it that way." Aki sat up. "Anyway, I know we'd agreed to stay here for a while, but I really want Mira to see the kitty. I'm okay to go home."

"Right now?"

"Mm hm." Aki nodded in the darkness. "I'm wide away for the day, I think."

"Not me," Ueno answered with good humor, "and it's scary that somehow, we switched places there. Your place is beginning to feel more familiar than mine though. Let's get out of here."

Mira, who seemed to have a sixth sense for when Aki's apartment was occupied, showed up shortly after they returned.

Ueno put the kitten to bed after a feeding, marveling at Mira's timing. He'd hoped to convince Aki to return to bed with him, or at the very least amuse himself so that Ueno could steal a few more hours of sleep for himself, but he'd have to kiss that dream goodbye.

Mira was typically alert and chipper in the wee hours of the morning, and that day was no exception. He'd shown as much excitement as Ueno at the news, snatching the kitten out of its bed and holding it at eye level.

"Ueno," Mira began, "what are we having this morning?"

"Seriously?" Ueno placed a hand over his mouth, muffling a yawn. "Is that all I'm good for?"

"Kissing is out of the question, so yeah." Mira got up and followed Ueno, who despite his mock indignation, stepped into the small kitchen.

Ueno engaged the faucet before vigorously washing his hands. "I haven't gone shopping yet, so breakfast will have to be simple."

"Your cooking is never complicated. You do need to go shopping, though; you're out of meat and it wouldn't kill you to stock up on basics, instead of running to the store every time you run out of an ingredient you should have anyway." Mira answered immediately, before he went silent. A few moments passed while Ueno began his breakfast preparations before he spoke again. "Pepper."

"You're more familiar with what we need than we are."

"No. Well, yeah, but I mean, that's what you should call the cat."

"What's your inspiration for that name?" Ueno craned his neck, looking for Aki, who had remained silent too long for comfort. "Aki?"

"Hmm?" Aki murmured into a couch cushion.

"What do you think of Pepper?"

"On what?" Aki pushed himself into a seated position.

"Mira thinks that's what we should name the kitten."

Mira jumped in. "It hit me just now. I was thinking about what you're out of, and how the other night Ueno was irritated because he forgot to buy pepper while he was shopping. And the kitten is mostly black, but you can see strands of grey and white on him here and there. And I'll bet when he gets bigger, it will be more obvious. After I was thinking that you should add pepper to your shopping list, it came to me."

Surprisingly, Aki had no argument. "I like it better than anything Ueno and I came up with."

Ueno was busily cracking eggs. "It is kind of fitting, and at the very least, I don't think your dad will hate it."

"Hmm." Aki's head disappeared as he flopped back down.

"So that's that, huh?" Mira lowered his voice and cleared the distance between Ueno and himself. "Did you and Aki talk about last night yet?"

Ueno nodded. "Last night, _and_ this morning. I don't want to bother him with that anymore today."

"Agreed." Mira peered into the living area. "Apparently all that dialogue tired him out. He's asleep again."

Ueno shook his head. "He was bright eyed and bushy tailed at my place. But that's fine; let him sleep, I guess. See if you can get him into bed. And put… _Pepper_ up while you're at it."

"In a minute." Mira eyed Ueno curiously. "What's going on with you?"

"I'll be-"

"Fine." Mira shook his head. "You'll be fine; is that what you were going to say? You're human, too. Aki won't be happy if you're miserable."

"It's okay." Ueno smiled. "Are you offering to be my sounding board or something?"

"Please," Mira snorted, "though I _am_ the perfect option."

"Thank you for the non-offer." Ueno turned away. "But I'm okay. Let's just make sure that he has the best day possible today."

After one morning of classes, of interacting with folks he had absolutely no interest in, Aki was ready to call it a day. The restlessness set his feet to tapping, his fingers to drumming, and inspired a general sensation akin to cabin fever. It took willpower to keep him from stuffing his possessions into the bag Ueno had purchased for him and walking out of class mid-lecture.

He waited until class was dismissed, and then filtered through the open door with his fellow classmates. One more to go, and then he could sit with Ueno for a half hour, only to return to his studies after.

Minus the break with his boyfriend, the rest of his day looked downright unappetizing. He would be reporting to work directly after his classes were over, which meant that Aki would spend the evening Ueno-less. The sole consolation was, of course, that Ueno was simply downstairs-that helped.

He strode down the hall, absently scanning the fliers, posters, and pamphlets that adorned the walls, anchored in place by colorful push pins.

There was one, on plain white paper, large block letters advertising its purpose, that had Aki stopped in his tracks.

Just two words and a phone number.

Aki shoved his hand into his back pocket, slipping his phone free.

Aki frowned. He hadn't possessed any interest in obtaining another pet previously, and didn't see the logic in it now. Pepper was doing rather well despite his abysmal beginning in the world, and the kitten's progress left Aki exhilarated and somewhat prideful; he'd helped, through his diligent care, in keeping another being alive and thriving. It was quite possible that his nosedive into dubious daddy-dom was having strange effects on his judgment, but all of a sudden, the idea of another kitten caused his heartbeat to accelerate.

A whirlwind of cellular activity ensued; first, a phone call to the number provided; then a hastily tapped out message to Ueno, letting him know that Aki wouldn't be there for lunch; and then a phone call to Mira, asking him to come to the school's entrance.

He leisurely left the hall; he didn't fancy standing outside in the cold for too long, though Mira wouldn't be long in coming. Aki gleaned from his friend's tone that he was suffering from boredom, and the outing would do him some good, too.

Aki waited patiently for his friend to make his appearance, though his puffs of breath were visible and his fingers were beginning to stiffen. Before long, Mira pulled up at the curb, and Aki hopped into the passenger seat, immediately reaching for the controls and setting the heat on his side.

"Hey there." Mira saluted. "Playing hooky today?"

Aki buckled himself in. "I had issues concentrating. Ueno gets off work early today, and I wanted to do this before he comes home."

"Before Ueno attempts to talk you out of it, you mean."

"I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"No you didn't. You got the address?" Mira snatched the slip of paper from Aki before continuing. "If you're sneaking another kitten into the apartment and you don't want the resident animal lover to find out beforehand, then you _know_ it's not a good idea."

"So why did you agree to come along?"

"Because I haven't left the apartment today and I can't wait to see Ueno's face when he comes home tonight. And even kitties need buddies."

Mira found the home with little difficulty.

Aki released his seat belt. "It won't hurt to at least look, right?"

"Nah. And it's not as if Ueno would demand you get rid of it; it won't take him long to get attached."

"That's my assumption." Aki climbed out of the vehicle, waiting for Mira to follow suit and taking his first look at the residence. "Goodness."

"Looks like your parent's house, honestly."

A modern Japanese home loomed before them, up a moderate incline. It was a tiny hike up to the front door. The residence was much like his family home, though much larger, with more space in between each residence. With the exception of the roof, much of the home was glass, affording an unhindered view inside. From outside, Aki noticed countless tiny dome lights, scattered over the ceiling like stars.

Mira locked the vehicle, and he marched at Aki's side up the upgrade pathway. "How did you hear that they had kittens for sale?"

"Free." Aki knocked twice. "I noticed a sign on the bulletin board in the hallway as I was leaving class. I called the number, and they gave me the address. They said as long as I came before two, I could take one home today."

"Why, though? I had no idea you wanted another pet."

"I didn't either," Aki looked Mira's way and smiled, "until I saw the advertisement. I thought it would be fun for Pepper to have another animal to play with when he's big enough. And even though he's not real strong yet and doesn't do all those kitten-like things so far, I like having an animal around, so why not have two?"

"Those are awful domestic urges for someone like you." Mira quipped, looking up as the door unlocked and swung inward.

"Hello. May I help you two?" A tall, thin man answered the door, dark hair shining underneath the abundant lighting.

Aki smiled indulgently. "Hello. I called earlier about your kittens."

"Oh! The one who saw the advertisement my son posted at the university. Aki, you said? I'm Kawana Kaede. Quick, come in."

The older man ushered Aki and Mira inside, shutting and latching the door behind them. "We don't have much time. My mother is coming home early."

"I'm sorry. I thought we had until two. Should we come back another time?"

"No, no; originally, I thought we had more time. We need to get you in and out before my mother comes home is all, if you don't mind the rush. We try to conduct any business of _this_ nature while she's away."

Aki didn't feel it appropriate to ask for clarification, so he merely nodded and followed the man down the hall.

They entered a less meticulously decorated room, complete with a couch littered with mismatched throw pillows, stuffed animals that had seen better days, and numerous crocheted blankets. In fact, the room itself didn't appear to belong to the rest of the home.

They were soon joined by a youngster that looked about Aki's age. He looked vaguely familiar, with chemically treated blonde streaks mixed with black and friendly brown eyes.

"Your name is Aki, right? We don't have any classes together, but I've seen you around with Ueno."

Aki nodded politely. This guy was one of many who knew his name while Aki hadn't a clue. "Yes, and this is Mira. You know Ueno?"

"I'm Kohei, and yeah, Ueno and I have been friends since elementary school. You here for a cat?"

"Yes."

"Only one?"

"Well, yes." Aki cocked his head. "I'm already taking care of a newborn; one more is all I would be able to handle."

"Huh." The boy's face fell. "Well, one is better than none, I guess." He pointed to a far corner of the living area, to a large cardboard box. "I moved them in here for you."

Aki approached, Mira close behind him, and took his first look.

Aki could tell from a glance that these kittens, while possessing a level of cuteness that all baby forms of animals did, were not a result of careful breeding. Still, unlike the bundle of joy safely sleeping at his apartment, these were of a healthy weight, much larger and active.

Aki sank to his knees, looking to his hosts. "Is it okay to pick them up?"

"Go ahead."

Aki made his first pick, gently lifting one up with both hands and holding it up for Mira's appraisal.

"Don't look at me." Mira spread his hands. "They're babies, so they're all irresistible."

"Pick fast." Kohei glanced nervously at a wall clock. "Grandma will be back soon."

"We don't want to rush you," The older man appeared apologetic, "but if she finds out we're trying to unload her kittens, this room will become a battlefield."

Mira raised a brow. "You're getting rid of someone's pets without them knowing?"

Kohei nodded vigorously. "Every time we turn our backs, we end up with another one. She has a habit of taking in strays, never lets up."

Aki looked up, curious. "How will she react when she finds out?"

"Badly." Both hosts chuckled. "It is not something you should see."

"Got it." Aki turned to Mira. "Quick, help me choose one."

Mira joined Aki on the floor, though he stared elsewhere, attention diverted. "What's with _that_ thing?"

Aki looked as well, and his mouth fell open.

"Hmm?" The older man followed Mira's gaze. "Oh. She's one of my mother's rescues. Or a hostage; it depends on how you look at the situation."

"Th-that's a cat?"

"Uh, yeah. She's free fed, and she really likes to eat. On top of that, grandma gives her treats all day long."

It more closely resembled a raccoon, at least in regards to size. She was a pleasing creamy, off white color, with no scattered spots or brindling.

Aki wondered just how he'd missed such a large mass, stretched across the seat of an armchair, its fuzzy gut spread and threatening to ooze off the edge. One slip and the cat would go down with it. "Is she healthy?"

"Well, we take her to the vet regularly, and she's doing okay for the time being, besides the weight issue. We've tried weight loss food, but it doesn't have much effect when she's fed junk behind our backs. She doesn't move much, either." Kawana-san sighed. "It's a shame. She was such a pretty animal when mother took her in. It is possible she would be healthier out on the streets."

Aki nodded slowly, pondering Ueno's reaction.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. I apologize if I'm being invasive." Aki turned back to the kitten in his hands, surprisingly irked. "What's her name?"

"Mother calls her Usagi. Creative, isn't i-" Kawana-san visibly tensed. "They're home even earlier than I thought."

"Crap! I didn't hear them come in." Kohei rose to his feet. "You two are friends from class, okay? You came to hang out."

Aki sighed, placing the kitten back into the box with its siblings and standing.

"Shh!" Kohei craned his neck, as if doing so would improve his hearing. "Hi mom, grandma!"

"Well, hello." The first woman, obviously the mother, looked toward Aki and Mira curiously. "Who do we have here?"

Kohei cleared his throat. "Two friends from the university. They stopped by to say hello."

Aki introduced himself formally. "Good afternoon. I'm Aki, and this is Mira." He then addressed the older of the two women. "I was getting acquainted with your kittens. They're adorable."

The older woman, dressed in baggy slacks and a sweater vest that appeared to have been made up entirely of neckties, had been eyeing both Aki and Mira suspiciously. She brightened at the mention of her animals. "One of the strays I took in was already carrying them. Caught us completely by surprise."

Aki opened his mouth to reply when the woman abruptly turned, striding to the sliding glass door that opened to an immaculately maintained yard.

"There he is," the woman whispered, eyes wide, "and he's eating the food I left out."

Aki watched as she rushed out of the room, returning with an opened can of meat. "Quiet, everyone."

Mira poked Aki in the side, his gaze questioning.

Aki shrugged before focusing on the scene at the glass door.

Everyone watched; Aki and Mira in fascination, Kohei and his father with dread, and the mother with resignation.

The old woman cautiously lifted the latch and ever so slowly, pulled the door halfway open and whispered to the fuzzy scavenger before setting the opened can on the floor just inside the door and crouching next to it. "Here, baby."

As the kitten approached, step by slow step, grandma pulled the can backward.

Aki's lips parted, a protest on the tip of his tongue when the kitten finally made it to the can and the elder carefully rose to her feet. She tip toed to the doorway, wrapped her fingers around the handle, teeth gritted as she slid the door shut.

Task completed, she flipped the latch and turned.

Something about the unfolding scene had Aki's hair standing on end. This was no rescue; a hunt perhaps, but no rescue.

The old woman was beaming in triumph as she crept back to the kitten, which had made considerable progress in polishing off the food and was none the wiser of its capture.

"Come here, kitty. Aren't you happy you have a home now?"

Kohei groaned. "Grandma, you _know_ he belongs to the Hagiwaras. They always let him out to poke around during the day."

"I don't recall that, dear." The old woman smiled sweetly, kneeling with difficulty and scooping up her newest charge. "Now, little kitty, how w-"

Hissing and screeching ensued; the former from the cat, and the latter from grandma. The older woman struggled for control as the kitten fought and flailed, tiny paws and thin, sharp claws batting about frantically, but eventually lost the battle.

Kohei ran for the door, wrenching it open and the dropped kitten scurried out to freedom.

Aki wasn't sure if Mira had grabbed onto him first, or the other way around. Clinging to both of Mira's hands, his mouth hanging open in horror, he first looked to the eldest of the group. Razor thin scrapes, already welling with life fluid, adorned her neck and a cheek. "You're bleeding." Aki couldn't muster a bit of sympathy for her; that's what she got.

But the older woman wasn't paying Aki any attention, instead turning her anger to her grandson. "Why did you let him _go_?"

"He doesn't belong to us."

Kawana-san sighed. "Mother, we simply _cannot_ allow you to steal another pet from its rightful owner."

"Come on, mother." The other woman in the room, her voice hushed, took grandma by the arm. "I'll take you upstairs. We need to sanitize those scratches."

Protesting all the while, the older woman was all but dragged from the room.

"Well," Kawana-said, rubbing his palms over his face, "now you know why we constantly have so many cats in the house. Do you still want one? We have a few minutes while my wife cleans her up."

Aki released a breath, loosening his death grip on Mira's fingers. "Y-yes." After witnessing such an incident, he was much more invested in getting one of those kittens out of the house. "Mira, help. Quick, please."

They both hurriedly took to the floor, each scooping up a kitten.

"How do you pick?"

"I don't know," Aki hissed nervously, "but let's just take a chance and go."

"Hmm." Mira cocked his head. "Did you give any thought to whether you'd rather have a male or female?"

"No."

"How big do you think these will get? I don't know anything about breeds and sizes."

"I have no idea. Just grab one; I don't care what it looks like, how large or small it's going to get, or the sex."

"Fine, fine." Mira waited until Aki set the kitten back down, and did the same. He closed his eyes and plunged his hands into the box, lifting the first kitten he touched. "This guy."

Aki nodded, more than ready to go. "We'll take this one."

"Good enough." Kawana-san glanced toward the doorway leading toward the hall. "Now, no offense, but you two should get going."

"You don't have to tell us twice." Mira stood, looking around nervously. "Let's get out of here."

"Maybe I'll see you around campus." Kohei's lip curled upward in a small, hopeful smile. "Ueno, too. We haven't hung out in a while."

"I'll tell him." Aki promised. "Thank you very much. We'll take good care of-" He stopped, unsure of what Mira had selected, "it."

"We should be thanking you." Kohei smiled again. "We'd rather do this than take them to a shelter. Keep the phone number and give us a call if you ever want another one."

"Sure."

Mira was already headed toward the hall, and Aki began to follow, but stopped after the first step. Something wasn't right.

Sure, he had a cute new kitten to bring home, regardless of how Ueno felt about the addition. Sure, he could look forward to evenings and weekends of playing around with both of their pets, to having something fuzzy to cuddle with, to the discovery of its personality and the bonding that would take place.

And meanwhile, the chunky feline that hadn't moved once during the incident would most likely continue to be unhealthy under the guise of spoiling. Maybe she would gain more weight, get sick, and die an untimely death.

"Aki! Come _on_. I'm going to leave without you."

But wasn't the cat the Kawana's problem, anyway? They would be able to find someone willing to adopt her.

Who was he kidding? It was more likely that most potential pet owners would prefer a kitten over a full grown cat. And even if someone was in the market for a cat over a kitten, this one wasn't an attractive option.

" _Aki._ "

They could set her free. Whales went for months without eating, didn't they? Wouldn't she be able to live off of her own abundant fat supply?

Aki sighed. "Hang on." He trudged toward the armchair.

He managed to lift her, cradled in both of his arms, but underestimating her bulk, grunted and almost dropped an armful in his surprise. "I changed my mind. We want this one."

Neither Kohei nor Kawana-san uttered a protest.

Mira shot Aki a horrified glance. "You _can't_ be serious."

"Ueno will know what to do." Aki said, confident in his love's know-how and ability.

"You didn't even ask permission. What if they don't want to give her up?" Mira looked toward their two hosts for backup.

" _Yes."_ Kohei hissed.

" _Take her_." Kawana-san provided. "This is the opportunity of a lifetime. Both of you get going. We'll deal with mother."

It took some effort for Aki to hurry with such an intimidating load, but he and Mira made it out the front door, down the pathway, and to the car safely.

Aki deposited their new charge into the backseat before buckling up.

"Okay." he said, ticking off the items on his fingers as he spoke. "We need cat food, a litterbox, and shouldn't we get a bed for her? What about one of those carpet things that they climb on and scrape their claws on? Some toys, too."

Mira started the engine. "Boy, are you going to be in trouble. Ueno won't go for this, and neither will your parents."

"I'll deal with all of that later, but for now I want to get her home." Aki thought for a moment. "And would you mind making dinner tonight?"

"Why me? That's normally an _Ueno_ thing."

"I know, but he didn't feel well this morning when he left for class, and he has to work today. When he comes home, I thought it would be nice if he didn't have to worry about anything else, and you know I don't cook. I'm assuming he'll go to bed early, if there's nothing keeping him busy."

Mira pulled out onto the street. "It's going to take more than a loving, home cooked meal to make him forget about you bringing home another cat, Aki. Think he's coming down with something?"

"I wouldn't know." Aki absently scratched the kitten between its ears. "My guess would be lack of sleep and stress. Ueno is always running around, working, doing assignments, worrying about me, or in classes. On top of that, he had a lot deal with last weekend."

"Learning about your life would put anyone through wringer; that's true. Maybe he's finally processing everything you told him."

"I keep thinking about that, and waiting for him to realize what he's gotten himself into."

"I swear, this is going to sound like something out of a soap opera but really, since he's proven he wants you no matter what, why don't you just let him love you? Your life is a mess, but your situation isn't the most horrible out there. There are some bad pairings out there. Your uncle isn't the worst."

"I can't think of anything worse at the moment."

"I've been in some freaky sexual situations myself, Aki. Believe me; you'd be sick to your stomach if you knew." Mira warned Aki rather cheerfully.

"Such as?"

"None of your business. Unlike you, my sexual history will remain a secret." Mira snorted. "So, we'll drop the cat off, find a pet store, and then do some grocery shopping. Where do you suppose the old lady was when we first got there? Running around the neighborhood, ripping down _missing cat_ posters?"

"Maybe. I've never had cats before and I know next to nothing about caring for them, but I couldn't leave this one there." It was the only explanation Aki could come up with.

"Satou, Aki, formerly snobby, angsty rich kid, has turned animal activist. Now I've seen it all."

The day, miraculously, had been uneventful. He'd made it through class and work unscathed. These were the kind of days Ueno longed for lately.

Unfortunately, the weekend had been so tumultuous that he'd gone through the day in a fog anyway. Feigning nonchalance and understanding in order to keep Aki calm, all the while attempting to process everything had taken a lot out of him.

He shuffled to the door, key ring already dangling from his fingers, and tested the door.

It was already unlocked; typical Aki. Ueno sighed, stuffing his key back into his pocket with one hand and pushing open the door with the other.

Ueno took a deep whiff as he entered, and stopped in his tracks. Aki barely possessed the know-how necessary to adequately prepare tea, so inhaling the scent of food Ueno himself didn't prepare was confusing.

He was lucky enough that his boyfriend was the first figure that caught his eye.

He was curled up in his chair, computer on his lap. He looked up as Ueno entered, and his lips curled upward in a sweet smile that inspired Ueno to reciprocate. "Hi, you."

"Hey, Aki."

Aki gently placed his laptop on the table and unfolded his frame while Ueno unzipped his jacket and began to wiggle free. He approached him in time to help, tossed Ueno's jacket aside, and threw his arms around him.

"Whoa." Ueno chuckled quietly, closing his eyes and dropping his cheek to Aki's shoulder. "You're cutting off my air. He returned the hug wearily. "Good day today?"

"Okay, but I missed you."

"I hear you. It's been half a day, huh?"

"That equals eternity." Aki leaned back, eyebrow quirked in appraisal. "You still look a little off."

"I'm good." Ueno lied through his teeth. He'd been lucky to have been penciled in for a shorter shift that day. Aki was correct in using the term _off_. In the past, a day like today would have sent Ueno back to his small, cozy apartment where he would take a hot shower and huddle up in bed. Now, going home alone wasn't really an option.

A cool hand curled around his chin, tilting his face to and fro.

After a closer examination, Aki took a step back.

"I don't believe you," Aki held his hands out, and Ueno took them, "but you don't need to make dinner- Mira took care of that- and we'll make it an early night."

"Don't turn in early just for me." Ueno pointed. "What's that?"

"The lady at the pet store called it a scratching post, mister animal lover." Aki smiled serenely. "Never seen one before?"

"Okay, that was a dumb question; what I meant to ask was why do you have one? It's not like Pepper is anywhere near big or strong enough to climb it."

"It's for Usagi."

Ueno's brow furrowed. "Usagi?"

"Our new cat." Mira called out to them from the kitchen. "Excited?"

Aki backed up and turned, scanning the living area. "She's behind the couch. All of that exploring must have tired her out."

" _Wow._ " Ueno's mouth dropped open as he stared. "She's as big a house."

While Mira puttered around in the kitchen, Aki pushed Ueno down onto the couch and gave him a quick and dirty version of their afternoon.

"Huh." Ueno sat up straight as Aki got up, rounded the couch, and stooped. He heard labored grunting before Aki rose with the cat in his arms.

"She's a fat thing," Aki explained unnecessarily, depositing the cat in Ueno's lap, "but I've been reading about how we can get her weight down."

"Yeah?" Ueno, against his will, began scratching Usagi under her chin. "But your dad is going to like the idea of two cats a lot less than one."

"Oh well."

Ueno dropped his head into his hands. It would be irrelevant at this point to lecture on the proper way to introduce new cats to the newborn. Ueno didn't expect Aki to consider that initially, but if something had occurred, Aki would have mentioned it already. He instead waved off the subject. "I worry about what your parents will say, but it's not my place to object anyway."

"No?" Aki cocked his head.

"It's _your_ apartment, so no."

 _Well._ As far as Aki was concerned, the apartment was Ueno's place, too.

Aki wisely kept that thought to himself. Ueno didn't look so good, and the subject of what to properly dub their living spaces could wait for another day. He quickly changed the subject.

"Ueno? You're squinting."

"I am?" His face cleared. "Sorry. I guess I've got a small headache that's trying to turn into a big one."

"You said you were fine." Aki frowned. "What else?"

"I feel a little nauseous, but I think it's because of the headache. And I'm a little sore, but I've got no explanation for that one."

"That puts a cork in your ability to leap tall buildings. It's time for you to take a night off." Aki patted his thighs. "It's okay to relax sometime. The kitties are taken care of, and Mira is handling dinner."

"I hope you're not inviting me to sit on your lap."

Aki gave him a little smirk. "You could if you'd like. Really though, I was thinking more of your head. Lay down."

It was a sweet, innocent entreaty, but Ueno felt odd accepting. "I'll be fine, Aki."

Aki's voice turned soft, quieter. "I'm not much for cooking, cleaning, or solving all of the world's issues, but I can handle this."

Ueno, having no argument left in him, complied. It did feel nice, and as long as Aki was offering-

"We've covered my afternoon. Now; settle down and tell me about your day, love."

"Well, you remember how last week I spent all that time stapling papers for Himura-san?"

"I do. Same thing today?"

"Sort of." Ueno closed his eyes. "They had to be reprinted, so I started over, and _then_ had to rip all of the staples out of the old ones." He held up his reddened fingertips for Aki to see.

"Oh, no." Aki clucked with a bit of sympathy, and more than a little humor. "Good thing you're not working so much this week. You'll have a few days to recover from those nasty injuries."

"Hey."

"Hmm?"

Ueno opened his eyes and then blinked rapidly, as if he'd just arrived at a realization. "You just called me _love._ "

"I won't do it again."

"That's not- I've never heard you call me that before."

"It slipped out," Aki admitted, rhythmically sweeping the hair from Ueno's forehead, "but I usually only call you that in my head."

"Ready for dinner?" Mira intruded, setting two plates loudly on the table in front of the couch. "I poured my heart and soul into it."

"Thanks," Ueno managed, "but could I try it later? It smells great and everything, but I can't eat right now."

"How insulting." Mira sniffed.

"Why don't you relax a little? A soak makes me feel better sometimes. I could draw you a bath before you go to bed." Aki helped Ueno sit, and then slid out of his seat.

"Okay." Ueno again relented. "If you think it will help."

"It may." Aki waited for Ueno to stand, and then led him into the bedroom. "Sit."

Ueno arranged himself at the foot of the bed obediently, watching Aki disappear into the bathroom. He heard the faucet engage and figuring he had a minute or two, leaned backward until he was comfortably reclining, smiling at nothing in particular.

Aki had seemed quite determined to do something for him and had been much more concerned than usual over the last couple of days about his mental well-being. Ueno had to wonder if it was due to some sort of guilt on Aki's part.

It had only been two full days since Aki's confession. Ueno had to keep telling himself that. A little more time was all they needed. Everything would improve if given an appropriate time frame- for both of them. Everything would return to normal.

Ueno's eyes shot open. Wait, what was normal for Aki, and what would be normal between the two of them? Surely their version of the term would differ slightly, but even so, it had never been established, had it?

Ueno pondered those questions with fascination and a pinch of anticipation.

"Ueno, you can come in now."

"Thanks." Ueno heaved himself out of bed and entered the bathroom.

In addition to drawing a hot bath, Aki appeared to have added something or other to the water; the bathroom was fragrant and the water cloudy.

"Get in."

"Uh, okay." Ueno stood still, confused when Aki remained kneeling at the side of the tub.

"Are you going to undress, or do I need to take care of that for you too?"

Ueno removed his tie and hurriedly unbuttoned his dress shirt. "I got it."

Aki smirked knowingly. "Afraid to face me in your nude glory?"

Ueno thought back to Saturday when Aki had stripped himself naked, in a way. Deciding then and there to just grow up, he quickly shucked his dress pants and shorts, though not without a blush.

"Good. Now hop in."

Ueno obeyed.

"Hot enough?"

"Yeah. Thank you." He leaned back, drawing his knees up and shutting his eyes with a sigh.

"You're welcome. If you'll be fine alone, I'll go deal with Mira."

"What do you mean by _deal_?"

"Get rid of him."

"Don't do that." Ueno protested, "He went to the trouble of making dinner and it's still early. Don't you want some company?"

"You're sure?"

"Positive. I can take care of myself."

"I know." Aki's smile wavered. "I just thought that today you might let me do it."

"I do appreciate it, Aki, but since I'm hopefully just going to bed anyway, there's no reason for you to blow the rest of your night. The minute something horrible happens, I'll be sure to let you in on it, okay?"

Aki collected himself, rising and heading toward the bedroom, stooping to pick up Ueno's discarded clothing on the way out.

Alone, he closed his eyes again. It was slightly unnerving to allow Aki to fuss over him.

No matter how much babying Ueno bestowed on Aki, he uttered no complaint. But he understood how Aki likely tired of being the one to accept the attention. Aki had never requested being taken care of, merely to be accepted and understood.

He'd been attentive enough that Aki felt the need to reciprocate, which meant that Aki had noticed the lack of balance himself.

He pondered his attitude and previous actions until the bathwater went lukewarm, then hopped into the shower to scrub himself and his hair. He did so hurriedly and patted himself dry, cinching one towel around his waist and throwing another over his head.

Funny; Aki had been right. The soak had done him some good. He no longer felt sick to his stomach, and the impending full-on headache had receded; now he was merely suffering from fatigue.

Even so, he remained content in leaving Aki and Mira to each other while he turned in.

Ueno threw himself face down on the bed. A voice in the back of his head advised him to dress for bed first. He should listen; Ueno knew he was minutes away from sleep and if he didn't listen to reason, Aki would find him near naked, in the exact position he was currently in.

That would be bad.

Ueno allowed himself a very brief fantasy; one that involved first a surprised and then a provoked Aki slowly undoing his towel-

_*crash*_

Ueno lifted his head. God forbid Aki be doing something beyond his capability, like holding a glass in one hand and using the other to pour. Or just maybe, Mira wasn't the domestic wonder he'd given the illusion to be an hour ago.

Between the two of them, they could handle some broken glass.

Regardless of that thought, Ueno reluctantly dragged himself out of bed, flipped on the light, shimmying into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before leaving the bedroom.

There was Aki, standing in the kitchen, a little too pale even for him. Mira was nowhere in sight, but Aki's cousin appeared to have taken his place.

She appeared to be peeved.

With him.

Aki shut the bedroom door, leaving Ueno to himself.

The way Ueno wanted it.

"He's in the bath," Aki explained, reclaiming his seat, "and he's going to sleep after. Looks like you only have me for company tonight."

"I'll survive." Mira thought for a minute. "How about I run down the street and grab us a movie or something? We'll have dinner while we watch, and we can keep it down so he can rest."

"Okay." Aki agreed reluctantly.

Mira tossed off his apron and left quickly, while Aki sought out Usagi and hauled her onto the couch with him. She was an affable thing; she lay sprawled in Aki's lap, rumbling pleasantly when Aki scratched under her chin and behind her ears.

Minutes ticked by while Aki embedded his fingers in her plush, cream colored fur and murmured quietly to her, revealing his plan of helping her reclaim her girlish figure. Then he switched topics, filling her in on the other inhabitants of the area.

Usagi purred her response, which Aki translated as favorable.

Aki paused, raising a finger to his lip. For the first time since that afternoon, he found himself wondering what her reaction had been when she discovered two of her cats missing. Hopefully he saw Kohei on campus unharmed tomorrow.

He considered poking his head into the bedroom to check on Ueno, but a muted knock commanded his attention.

Frowning, he managed to shove Usagi to a cushion and then hopped to his feet and approached the door. He took a quick look, raising a brow before turning the knob.

"What a surprise."

His cousin stood before him, peering around him into the living area. "I apologize for not calling ahead, but I was already in the area. Is Ueno around?"

"Yes, but since he's not feeling well, he's getting ready for bed. I'll tell him to call you."

"I hate to insist but really, I won't take long. He's not in bed already, is he?"

"He's in the bath right now." Aki stepped back and allowed Kanoko to enter. "It really can't wait until tomorrow?"

Kanoko slipped past him. "No, it really can't."

Aki quietly counted to ten before closing the door. "You'll have to wait. I'm not going to rush him."

"I understand." Kanoko stared at her cousin pointedly. "Could you at least get me something to drink while I wait? Juice or water would be fine."

With Kanoko at his heels, Aki all but stomped into the kitchen, produced a glass, and wrenched open the refrigerator door. As he absently scanned through the contents, he realized that whatever Kanoko wished to speak to Ueno about probably pertained to the secret that Ueno was unwilling to divulge.

He snatched the bottle of orange juice from the top shelf and shut the door before turning.

"You know," he began, twisting the cap loose, "I know when you spoke to Ueno that you were doing it in confidence. But you do understand that we tell each other everything anyway, right? I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable."

"I.. um-"

"There's no need to worry, though." Aki tossed a few cubes of ice into the glass. "Ueno isn't a gossip. Besides, I won't tell anyone what I know."

Kanoko smiled weakly. "Thank you, I guess. Still, I didn't expect Ueno to mention it, even to you. I mean, I asked him not to tell anyone. I didn't want anyone else to know until I was positive of my decision."

"I understand, but Ueno meant no harm." Aki set the glass on the counter. "So, how are you holding up, considering? You look like you're feeling better than you were this weekend."

"A little. Nothing truly strange has happened yet except for a few dizzy spells and a crazy appetite. I've been okay."

For the second time that day, the hair on the back of his neck bristled.

“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, considering my options and all."

"Yes. You do have options." Aki narrowed his eyes.

"But the only one that seems acceptable to me is one that most of you won't agree with."

Aki filled the glass and capped the bottle. "And which is that?"

"Accepting it, of course. Some people might call it a blessing in disguise. I'd expected this to happen later in life, of course, but it's not the end of the world." Kanoko smiled thoughtfully. "At first, I kept thinking about stupid things, like my size. I had to work so hard to lose all of that weight, so it's scary knowing that some of it will come back, not to mention the fact that my body is going to develop a mind of its own."

Aki's arm had been extended, offering his cousin her requested beverage. Before she could accept the offering, his fingers went slack and the glass slipped from his fingers, hitting the kitchen floor and shattering. Kanoko scampered out of the way.

"I-I _see_."

"You don't agree with me either." Kanoko pursed her lips. "I'm beginning to think that Ueno is the only one willing to look at this from every angle. That's why I want to see him." She backed up another step as liquid began to ooze her way. "Aren't you going to clean that up?"

Aki took a deep, steadying breath and closed his eyes. _So_ that's _the big secret._

"Hey, Kanoko." Ueno appeared, greeting her cautiously. "How long have you been here?"

Kanoko turned, pretty features hardening. "Ueno. I suppose the minute I confided in you, you _ran_ to tell Aki, didn't you?"

Ueno gaped. "What? I didn't tell Aki anything."

"He just told me you did!"

Aki intervened. "Well, not really. You told me, not him."

"When did _I_ tell you?"

"Just now."

"Wha-" Kanoko put a hand to her forehead as realization must have just dawned.

"It wasn't difficult. I knew you told Ueno something that neither one of you were willing to discuss. I just pretended to know and kept things vague. You spilled soon enough."

Aki watched Ueno as _he_ watched Kanoko, with her eyes beginning to brim over in tears. "You tricked her into telling you?"

"Yup." What did Ueno expect, anyway? That secrets were to flow freely between his cousin and his boyfriend in his own apartment, with no one willing to clue him in?

Ueno rubbed at his temples. "Both of you move."

Kanoko backed up and Aki boosted himself onto the counter, legs dangling while Ueno set to soaking up the mess, mindful of the broken glass, muttering under his breath.

Behind them, the door opened, and all three of them turned.

"Hey Aki, in the mood for comedy or thriller? Uh- hey." Mira finally noticed the powwow in the kitchen and cocked his head in confusion. "What's all this?"

"You're still in my way." Ueno crouched again, swatting at Aki's legs.

He raised them, folding them underneath himself. "Kanoko just stopped by to talk to Ueno about her unplanned pregnancy."

Ueno banged his forehead gently against the lower cabinetry. "Aki…"

His cousin screeched in indignation. "Aki!"

Mira's lips trembled, as if he was fighting a laugh. "Hey, occupational hazards are just part of the job, right?"

"Don't start." Kanoko looked Mira's way, eyes narrowed.

Mira's smile faded. "Wait. You're serious?" He looked around for affirmation. "You _can't_ be serious."

Ueno spoke first. "You're positive now?"

Kanoko nodded. "It's all I've thought about over the weekend. I'm sure."

Aki was almost blinded by the brilliance of Ueno's grin; this news no doubt made him happy. He watched Ueno rise from his crouch and envelope Kanoko in his arms with murmured congratulations. And was it just him, or had Ueno just giggled?

Having gotten the ball rolling, Aki quieted, allowing the mayhem to unfold while he observed. It hadn't been his intention to host a party that night, particularly _this_ type of party. Ueno should have been curled up under the comforter, sleeping away his weariness, but it was too late to cancel the shindig now.

"It'll be fine," Ueno soothed, "we'll all help."

"Don't lump me with you," Mira protested, "because this, quite frankly, sounds like a job for the idiot that helped her into this mess."

"It doesn't _have_ to be a mess," Ueno replied, clearly offended, "not if everyone helps her. She _is_ your family, so-"

"Again, don't lump me. I'm not part of _this_ family issue." Mira shook his head.

"You _are_ family." Kanoko voice trembled, having transitioned from calm to seething while she had been ignored.

For the _third_ time that day, Aki felt his hackles rising.

Mira leaned against the counter, eyebrow quirked expectantly. Ueno straightened, having taken care of the mess, and reached into the cupboard for more glasses. Aki, in a rare show of helpfulness, did the pouring.

"Who's the lucky guy, or are you having difficulty keeping all of your conquests straight?"

"I suppose Ueno knows already." Aki glanced sideways.

Ueno sighed. "Your guess is as good as mine. Kanoko, you don't have to answer that. It's none of our business."

"I haven't shared that bit of information with Ueno." Kanoko reached for the offered glass. "But despite what Mira or anyone else says, I'm not open twenty-four hours, nor am I a tart. And since I've had it confirmed how far along I am, I'm very aware of who the father is. I can even recall the exact day."

Aki waited for a retort, but the kitchen was silent.

Ueno, after a pause, spoke up. "And how is he going to take all this?"

"Not well." Kanoko smiled. "But surprisingly, that's okay with me for now. In fact, I'm hoping for it. I can't wait to see him freak out."

Aki cocked his head. "You look almost happy about that fact."

"That's because I am, for the moment. I may as well have fun with it while I can."

"When will you tell him?" The query came from Ueno. "You're not planning on holding out long, are you?"

"Tonight, maybe. Would you mind if I did it here?"

Aki wasn't sure he was ready for a showdown in his apartment. "Well-"

"You're going to invite the poor bastard here?" Mira took a swig from his glass.

"I hadn't planned on it. It's not necessary."

Mira wrinkled his nose. "You're going to call him? That's not the kind of news a guy wants to hear over the airwaves. Besides, I'd love to see the look on his face, whoever he is."

"You'll be able to experience it firsthand."

Ueno's brows furrowed. "What does that mean, exactly?"

Aki unfolded his jean clad legs and Ueno crept closer to him.

"Exactly? Well, it would probably be easier if I just gave the when and where. Seven weeks ago, grandmother's onsen."

"Wait." Aki did some quick math. He remembered the event, though he hadn't been in a position to attend, not that he'd wanted to. "Your birthday?"

"Good memory."

"Dad told me that you all were going to spend the weekend up there to celebrate, but that was a family party. Did you bring a date?"

"No date, dear cousin."

_*crash*_

Ueno groaned. "What is _with_ you guys tonight?"

Aki poked Ueno in the arm and pointed toward Mira.

"I know-" Ueno finally looked. "Mira?"

Mira had paled considerably.

Kanoko continued. "I don't recall most of the smaller details, if there were any, except getting out of bed to go soak by myself. I remember thinking it was a blessing that I'd wrapped myself in a towel even though I'd expected some privacy. Not that it mattered; my unexpected guest wasn't wearing one either, and I lost mine after an hour or so anyway. Three bottles of sake and a case of beer later, I guess I wasn't as discriminating as I normally would be, or I wouldn't have given in to his begging."

"Begging? Who kept pouring the sake? 'Are you sure you don't want a little more?' You never could handle drinking alone." Mira ran a hand through his hair, and the best description Aki could come up with for his expression was _tortured._

"I needed the alcohol to even come close to tolerating your company."

"Bull! If you'd really wanted to be alone, you would have left when you saw me there. There's more than one bath there."

"Same goes for you."

"I was there first! Why should _I_ have left?"

Ueno ignored the mess on the floor and the frenzied bickering, turning instead to Aki. "Your family has an onsen?"

Aki nodded. The switch in conversation was weird but welcome. Vaguely, he wondered why the news wasn't sending him into shock. "My parents own it and some of our family work as staff." He pushed off of the counter, stepped gingerly around the spill, and entered the living area. "Ueno?"

"Yeah?"

"Still got that headache? Come here."

Aki sat and waited. After a pause, Ueno resumed his earlier position with no further prompting, sprawled on the couch, head cushioned on Aki's thighs. "I had gotten rid of it, but it's back now."

"Do you enjoy an onsen? Winter break is coming soon." Aki paused briefly. "We could spend part of it there."

"Yes, yes, _yes._ Alone?"

Ueno's request possessed a pleading quality. "Oh." Aki experienced a strange sort of fluttering sensation in his chest. "Of course. I get to have you all to myself? That sounds heavenly." His insides thrilled a little; the break was a month away, but the idea was a tempting one, and quite realistic.

"Yeah, it does." Ueno's sigh was audible over the argument in the kitchen. "You know something?"

"Hm?"

"I love you, but your people are _weird_."

"I can't argue with that. I love you, too." Aki, cheeks warm, leaned down and applied a soft kiss to Ueno's forehead.

"Your ex-boyfriend slept with your cousin."

"True."

"Your niece or nephew is going to have your ex-boyfriend for a dad."

"Tr-ugh." Aki bit his lip, shuddering delicately. "It sounds disgusting when you put it that way."

"Don't be upset." Ueno snickered from below. "One of my mouth rapists impregnated my other mouth rapist. Hey! I've made out with everyone in this room."

"Don't get too cocky." Aki's lips curled into a smile. "They both went for my sloppy seconds."

"Seconds? That applies to dumped people. Why didn't you tell me we were through?"

"Allow me to rephrase that. You were mine before either of them went for you. Maybe they're both jealous and just want what I have."

"Are you saying that it's _you_ that makes me attractive to other people?"

"It _is_ possible."

Aki and Ueno continued their bantering on the couch, while much less lighthearted bantering went on in the kitchen.

"Let's go to bed, and get to the bottom of this tomorrow." Aki made the suggestion, as the argument in the kitchen showed no sign of letting up.

"Think your ex-boyfriend will end up being your actual cousin one day?"

"How?"

"A wedding would take care of that, stupid."

Aki fought against gagging. "No adding strands to the web, Ueno. My relationships are complicated enough as it is."

 


	29. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

It seemed inevitable that Ueno, resident diplomat, psychologist and sounding board, be the one that Kanoko wished to confide in first.

"Don't you want to know how?"

 _No, but it looks like you want me to._ Ueno nodded. "Sure, if you want to talk about it."

"We were all up there celebrating my birthday, as you know. Well, most of the family. Some of them didn't show-including your boyfriend. I didn't invite Mira formally, but in this family, formal invitations aren't necessary, and excluding anyone is a crime punishable by law. Anyway, it was a slow night; there weren't many guests that weren't family, so we were able to really cut loose. There was lots of noise, lots of alcohol and lots of general crazy activity. If it wasn't a family run business, Aki's dad would have been kicked out for public indecency and disturbing the peace. Owning the place has its perks."

Why the hell was Aki so different from the rest of them? Zany families were awesome, at least in his opinion. Though he had a hard time picturing his boyfriend sloshed or belligerent, Ueno would pay hard earned money to see it.

"It was late, and everyone had already gone to sleep, so I decided to go soak and unwind a bit until I got tired enough to go to bed myself. I left my room, got some sake and went to one of the indoor baths. I didn't even notice that Mira was there at first. He was so quiet, and I would have assumed he would make himself known."

Kanoko steepled her fingers and bowed her head. Ueno wondered for a moment if some sort of prayer was in play until Kanoko continued.

"Mira's right. I could have left, but I ended up sitting down anyway; I would have been okay with sitting by myself, but I really didn't feel like being alone, and Mira isn't always so terrible, especially after he's knocked back a few. He'd already been drinking by the time I got there, and he offered me a beer. We shared the sake I brought, and up until we both got extra happy, we'd gotten along well enough. Afterwards too, when you think about it."

Ueno glanced to the side.

"Come on, Ueno. Mira and I don't fight _all_ the time. The family tends to exaggerate."

Ueno attempted to speed the admission along. "So, is it safe to assume that one thing simply led to another?"

"And another. And another."

"Oh, man." Ueno whispered, dropping his forehead into his palms. He didn't need to hear any more. "I would never have guessed two of you actually liked each other."

"I _don't_ like him."

"But obviously you _do_ , or you wouldn't ha-"

"Stop! Come on, Ueno." Kanoko's brows snapped together. "There _was_ some mutual like, I suppose-we both like sex- but that's all. Don't tell me you think liking someone is required to enjoy what their body has to offer. If that was the case, a lot less sex would take place in the world, you know."

Ueno flushed.

Kanoko's scowl left as quickly as it came and she observed him tenderly. "You're one of those weird people that can't separate sex from emotion. You've got to love them first, don't you? I thought that requirement was restricted to... well, to prudes."

He'd never been in love with any of his sexual partners, but he'd liked them all, at least a little. He didn't understand how it would work without some sort of affection, even though Aki had been able to perform without it. Was it strange that he and Aki hadn't gotten to that stage yet, especially when it was now blaringly obvious that even two people who fought like cats and dogs could not only be intimate, but procreate?

And even if love _was_ required to edify hitting the sheets for Ueno, realistically, he and Aki should have already been going at it like rabbits.

No pun intended.

He supposed that according to Aki and Kanoko, Ueno's standards were incredibly puritanical. And Ueno's standards didn't always apply. They couldn't, given the experience he and Aki had shared. Maybe it was okay to feel that spark with someone he didn't love, when their time together resulted in the love they experienced now.

Considering their introduction in that light, he was then reminded of the comment Aki had muttered as he drifted off into sleep. Maybe Aki's earlier comment had been correct, that Ueno had been meant to find him that afternoon. Ueno hadn't put much faith in the concept of kismet, but if Aki was right and they had been meant to come together for the first time that day, their lack of familiarity as they had sated themselves in one another was insignificant.

Given their drastically different lifestyles, how else were they to meet? At an ice cream stand or the park? And if they had met that way, without their previous encounter to draw from, would Ueno have ever seen Aki as a potential partner, or would he have written him off because he was a guy? Would Aki have seen Ueno as anything other than a mundane, run of the mill college student? And really, if that chance encounter had never taken place, Ueno may never have even had the opportunity to meet Aki; it was possible he'd have remained with his uncle, if Aki really had mouthed off because of Ueno.

"Oh, Ueno. You are _precious_. It's a shame you're not the father. "Kanoko raised her eyes skyward. “You’re a little angel on earth."

Ueno, red filling his cheeks, lifted his head, having forgotten he wasn't alone, noticing Kanoko watching him quietly.

"Did I embarrass you?" Kanoko spoke softly. "I think it's cute, but I didn't mean to offend you. There's no crime in being virtuous or respectful."

Ueno shrugged, not wishing to discuss his lack of bravery or thought process behind his unplanned celibacy. "You know that you can come to me and even Aki f you need to."

"I appreciate the offer." Kanoko's voice had softened. "I absolutely will. I'll come to you, anyway. Aki won't even run dishwater; he'd be no help at all physically, and I can't see him lending a caring ear or giving me any sound advice."

"Noted." Ueno shook his head. "So-uh, what happens now? How is Mira going to fit into all of this? Will you share or something, maybe move in together? How exactly does that work?"

"Who knows? I'll deal with that later. I have more important things to worry about, like talking to my parents. This is a huge offense, you know. It's going to be humiliating for them. I'm expecting them to suggest that I give it up, or worse, marry that idiot. I've never refused them before, so I'm predicting some ghastly conversations in the immediate future." To Ueno's surprise, Kanoko smirked, quite out of line with their topic of discussion. "I'm positive I'll take you up on your offer. My uncle even offered to let me stay here, but I'm saving that as a last resort."

Ueno felt his eyebrow twitch. Another neighbor. He could just see it now; Kanoko and Mira arguing in the hallway on a daily basis or worse yet, moaning and grunting wafting into his ears from underneath one of their closed doors. "How do you feel, Mira aside? Are you scared?"

"Of course. I'm sure there will be some labeling and ridicule- especially here- but I deal with that all of the time." Kanoko smiled. "But I'm excited too, now that I've thought about it more and more. I'll be fine. Some surprises turn out to be the best."

"Hopefully he or she takes after you." Ueno experienced the stirrings of what he recognized as excitement himself. He couldn't help it; kids did that to him. Kids were the perfect excuse to cut loose and disregard the rules of maturity.

"Agreed. But since Mira's genes are thrown into the mix, the kid's only got a fifty-fifty chance of being cute."

"Yeah, sure." Ueno shook his head again. "If you found Mira unattractive, there would have been no conception."

Ueno rode the elevator back to their floor after seeing Kanoko to a cab, lost in contemplation. Aki's cousin certainly seemed to be dealing well with the dramatic redirection of her future, and hadn't shown any remorse for sleeping with her adversary. Matter of fact, even.

People were _weird_.

Mira had opted _not_ to bare his soul and disappeared to his apartment before Ueno had left to walk Kanoko outside and wait for her cab. It was anyone's guess what he was doing behind that closed door; perhaps plotting his suicide or a permanent jaunt from the earth's radar. Ueno couldn't imagine Mira coming to either of them for advice or support anyway; he didn't seem the type to value anyone's opinion or decision over his own. His blasé little Aki would predictably be in the apartment, bored to tears with the subject and ready for bed. He indeed cared more for sleep than he did anything else.

Strange. He'd expected a more extreme reaction out of his boyfriend, though Aki wasn't the type to freak out, at least not outwardly. Despite the fact that Aki hadn't loved Mira in a romantic sense and what they'd shared together had passed long ago, was it reasonable for Aki to accept the news so calmly?

Aki perked up at Ueno's entry. "How did it go?"

"Not much to it." Ueno stretched. "Alcohol has a wonderful way of temporarily burying a hatchet, I guess."

Aki unfolded his legs. "I'm not surprised."

"No?"

"Well, you know what they say about love and hate, right? Underneath all of that arguing, they were both a little obsessed with one another."

"Huh?"

"Yup. Think about it; Mira teases Kanoko all the time about her weight, and about the number of guys she's dated or slept with. Believe me, Mira knows where she's lost the most weight, and where 'she still needs some work, man'. He's told her that she probably can't keep count of the guys she's messed around with, but ask him and he can give you a pretty accurate estimate. He remembers physical flaws, personalities, you name it. But somehow, he could care less?" Aki shook his head, the corner of his mouth turning upward.

"So you're saying that underneath all that talk about hate, that there's a little love underneath?"

"Oh, no." Aki shook his head again, with more force. "I just think that people who have an intense dislike for one another have no idea exactly how fixated they are on each other. They spend so much energy digging for dirt and trying to come out on top that it develops into a sort of obsession. When you add some alcohol to the equation, the sound of running water, dim lighting and privacy, Mira and Kanoko's situation isn't so unpredictable."

"Huh. So you don't think they like each other at all?"

Aki stood up. "One has nothing to do with the other. It doesn't have to, anyway."

 _Here we go again_. Ueno shuffled into the semi-dark bedroom, Aki close behind. "I suppose not, but isn't sex more satisfying that way?"

"If you're looking for a connection, then yes." Aki, already dressed for bed, crawled under the blankets. "But why should emotional attachment be necessary for people who are just looking for physical satisfaction? Some people aren't looking for an emotionally fulfilling experience; they just need to come, you know?"

"They could do that alone," Ueno muttered, sliding in next to Aki and arranging his pillows just so. He wasn't anticipating a reply to his comment, but Aki answered.

"Why, if both people consent to sex with no strings attached? The process is wonderful. I don't think even you can argue with that. Getting yourself off is quick, takes the edge off and gets the job done, but coming alone isn't much fun."

Aki paused, as smile present, before continuing. "Some people are lucky enough to share that with someone they love. I'm a bit of a late bloomer, but thanks to you, I realized that sex is better if there's some touching, kissing, exchanging and kindness to go with it. It's funny, because it makes sex more enjoyable, but it also keeps sex from being a focal point. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah." He shifted as Aki scooted closer and slid a leg over him.

"I'm not putting saying one is better than the other for everyone, Ueno. But I can only speak about what I know, and my experiences haven't included deep mental or emotional connections, except for one. Even though it's unfamiliar, I did like it. I guess you could say it opened my eyes, or something else as corny as that."

Ueno felt Aki caress his chin before turning his head to the side. Aki's eyes, soft and sleepy, stared into his own. "I realize now that it takes much more… more _something_ to live the way you do. Maturity? Strength? I'm not sure. Meaningless sex is easy. You don't have to be honest, care about anyone's feelings, or take any responsibility. You don't seem like the type to pull that off, and that makes me very lucky."

The heat in Ueno's cheeks intensified. "Kanoko called me precious."

Aki, still holding fast to Ueno's jaw, pressed a kiss to his cheek. "That must have burned, but she's right; precious is fitting."

"I've only used the word precious when I refer to kids or animals." Ueno closed his eyes.

"Honest, loving, faithful and loyal? Someone who doesn't judge and has no pretext? That's you."

"Woof." Ueno replied, throwing an arm over his eyes.

A light sound of mirth filtered into his ears. "That's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't think she was mocking you. I think even though she has her preferences, that she realizes the same thing that I'm learning." His arm was brushed aside, and he felt a small puff of warm air before Aki kissed him. "People like you are a rarity for me; that makes you precious."

In his own way, Aki was too. At a loss for adequate reply, Ueno closed his eyes and rolled to his side, tossing an arm over Aki and drawing him in. Compliments, when worded that way and given life through Aki's low, silky voice, made him a little too self aware of his naiveté for comfort. "How do _you_ feel about Mira and your cousin?"

"Am I wrong for finding it funny?"

"No." Ueno sighed. "I guess not. But that's all you feel?"

"What feeling are you assuming I should be experiencing that I'm not?"

"I thought you'd be at least a little upset, or disapprove, or something."

"Why?" Aki shifted against him. "The idea is a little disturbing but in the end, it really has nothing to do with me."

"How can you say that?"

"Easily _._ " Aki was quiet for a minute. "Oh. You think I should be jealous or hurt."

"Well, kinda. I know you told me that you didn't love Mira in a romantic way, but you were still _with_ him, you cared about him, and you're still attached to him because of that, I thought."

A hand slid to Ueno's back, pressing gently. "I would be angry if _you_ impregnated my cousin. I think I've told you that before." Humor dominated his tone. "I promise you, even though it might make sense if I was a little upset with him, I'm not. I don't have the interest or time to worry about what I had with him before. I don't think that in the end, anything healthy would have come from staying with him then or reuniting with him now. I'm just glad that he hasn't grown to hate me. It's true that I was very attached to him, but what I really needed from him had nothing to do with sex. Besides, things change. Would you prefer that I _was_ interested in him, that way you could worry some more? Disappointed?"

"I'm not disappointed." Ueno shut his eyes. "It's jus-"

"Let Kanoko and Mira worry about the demon seed she's hosting." Out of nowhere, lips nuzzled at his chin. "When it pops out, we'll buy it a huge box of diapers and an engraved rattle or something just as useless but until then, I choose to leave the stress to them."

"I wasn't trying to be difficult but I would understand if you weren't happy for him, or if you stil-"

"Ueno." Aki sounded a little put off. "I would first like to point out that you seem to enjoy putting yourself last, and then forcing yourself to be okay with it. Second; I'm here next to you, telling you that I'm so into you that I could care less how many eggs Mira brings to life. I'm also, in case you didn't notice, more interested in physical contact between _us_ , not them. In spite of all that, you keep going on about how it's okay if I'm stuck on someone I used to sleep with. Do you see anything wrong here? Sometimes it's appropriate to be a little selfish."

"I'm not-" Ueno stopped himself and took a deep breath. "Okay, yeah. I am."

* * *

 

They were so close, but the guy was hopeless. Aki was going to have to prod him along.

He switched gears; it was an easy lead in for a subject that had been eating at him anyway. "A couple of days ago, we were talking about the first time we met, and I have a question for you." It was somehow easier to refer to that day as a meeting, neglecting to point directly to their sexual experience.

"Shoot."

Do you ever regret it?"

"Never. You?"

"No, but I think about it sometimes." Aki bit his lower lip. "As disturbing as it sounds, it was a turning point for me. I hope I always remember it." He lay quietly for a moment, carefully pondering his sentence structure and terminology and then rose, easing backward and propping himself up against the headboard, drawing his knees up. "What about you?"

"U-uh, well, like I told you-"

"Besides the guilt, I mean."

"Then what are you asking?"

"What else?" Aki wondered if it was too late to table the conversation. After all, wasn't he grateful that their already convoluted relationship wasn't further complicated by sex?

Simultaneously, Aki was suddenly desperate to know why Ueno hadn't yet pushed for it, and whether or not he was feigning cluelessness. Aki had to speculate. Was Ueno traumatized somehow by their first time? Was he grossed out by it? Was he simply attempting to be considerate? What kept him from trying, from even mentioning it?

"Disturbing situation aside, I'm happy. If it hadn't happened, we never would have met, right?"

"Forget it." Aki wasn't angry, only unwilling to fight for a simply reply and uncertain he wanted the answer at this point anyway.

Seconds passed before Ueno spoke. "Aki?"

Ueno sat upright, and after a few seconds of shuffling and urging, Aki found himself between his boyfriend's legs, his back resting against Ueno's chest. Arms wrapped around his ribcage from behind and enveloped in warmth, Aki felt his resolve to address the issue continue to waver- slightly.

"What else should I have been feeling?"

" _Hot_ ; what else? _"_ was Aki's succinct answer.

" _Oh._ " Ueno cleared his throat. "I didn't know the conversation was headed there; you should have said so. You want to know if remembering that day turns me on?" His fingers splayed over Aki's belly. "Yes, the memory gets me hot. How could it not? I figured you would have already known the answer to that."

"How?" Aki leaned back fully. "You don't try anything, so is it odd to assume that you're not interested in going that far?"

Ueno's hand, which had begun moving in a circular pattern, ceased and instead inched below the hem of Aki's thin t-shirt. "Not regularly, no, but neither do you."

Yikes. Aki could have just as easily initiated the fun himself; that was true. They should have had this talk already, and saved themselves a load of misunderstanding.

Ueno wasn't through. "So you think I'm not interested?"

"I've wondered."

"Sorry. I felt selfish and stupid for worrying about sex when there were so many other things we hadn't figured out yet, and I was afraid I'd look like a pig. I remember what happened that first day, of course, and that you seemed to… enjoy it, but that was such an out of the ordinary thing, at least for me. How would I know whether or not the things we did were something that you prefer, or just put up with after everything you've told me?"

"Oh." Aki mumbled, unexpectedly at a loss. "I-I hadn't thought about that. So are you afraid to try; is that it?"

"Well, yeah. It felt good, but I can't believe that the way we did it is normal, or that it would be what you want all the time. I know some people have no problem moving so fast, but we skipped everything; talking about what feels good, how you _like_ to be… um, touched, all that. It's like we started out at the end, and now we have to try to fill in all the blanks we missed. We never even discuss normal stuff like birthdays and we had to ask each other for our family names like what, almost two weeks after we slept together. I think about how I'm supposed to act around you- a lot, and not just in bed, either. My friends and I drink together, have contests to see how hard we can punch each other, and pass out together, stuff like that. I mean, we're together, but I don't know if I'm supposed to treat you the same way I'd treat a girlfriend. Like if I should hug you or put you in a headlock. You're a guy, but we're dating, you know? Am I allowed to kiss you whenever I want, or should I crush a beer can on your forehead instead? I don't know how to treat another guy. There are things I'm used to doing when I'm with someone, but I don't know if they're appropriate now."

Tirade completed for the moment, Ueno lapsed into silence.

Ah. Fresh from the closet jitters; of course Ueno would have them. Aki inhaled deeply. "You're right; I hadn't considered that. I feel a little stupid. And just so you know, I don't believe I'd care for a wrestling match- at least not that kind. And no beer cans on my head, either."

Ueno continued, his voice hushed. "I'm sorry. It wasn't right to completely ignore sex just because I was trying to backtrack and cover the ground that we lost. I figured it would happen later, after we got more comfortable with each other, so I try not to think about it. But I guess we've got to do things a little different. If we don't talk, we'll never be more secure together."

Busy basking in his relief, Aki provided no answer. Temporarily at a loss for words, he lay in the crook of Ueno's arm quietly, digesting his confession. Ueno made so much sense, Aki felt tempted to apologize for even voicing his concerns.

"When I was confused about how to act, doing nothing was the easiest thing, I guess. And with everything you told me a couple days ago, I figured it was another reason to ignore the subject. So… yeah. I'm not always indifferent; I am human, I've got hormones, and I love you, and I think you're the sexiest person-male or female- that I've ever met. Sometimes I'm trying to convince myself that my cock isn't attached to my body, which may look like I don't care, but I do. I was trying to stay focused on what I assumed should be most important."

"I understand, but I didn't expect the answers you gave me. You're so laid back most of the time, so I didn't think you would be so nervous." Aki covered Ueno's hands with his own, wondering exactly _when_ Ueno had to try and convince himself he wasn't a sexual being, but decided to skip the inquiry. He couldn't help speculating, however, if there was something that he did specifically that instigated it, so that he could do it more often. "I'm not demanding that we have sex tonight or anything, but I don't want to ignore it."

Previously immobile, the hand resting on his belly tugged on his shirt, and Aki could almost _hear_ Ueno's brain churning.

A finger inched down his belly, circling his navel slowly. "Okay."

A sigh was Aki's response.

"Can we get rid of this?"

 _Ask and you shall receive._ Aki couldn't prevent the tremor that ran through him as he sat up, raising his arms and allowing Ueno to work the material up and over his head. Heat washed over his bare back, and he was struck at the dizzying anticipation, at his steadily increasing heart rate.

Aki complied when Ueno urged his head to the side, and seconds later, the feather like touch of Ueno's soft lips registered on the sensitive skin of his neck. A hand returned to his belly and he closed his eyes, unsure of what to expect, but welcoming whatever was coming.

It was almost laughable that in spite of his early introduction into the world of sex and the years of activity, that the wonder of touch, so simple and basic, was only now being revealed. Equally striking was the realization that this was probably the way he was _supposed_ to feel.

He couldn't figure out whether Ueno's touch tickled or not. As fingers slid up, slow and tentative, Aki couldn't prevent the minute shuddering before motion from both of their bodies ensued and his mind cleared briefly enough to register that they had moved together so fluidly, he hadn't realized what particular position they had adopted; he was no longer reclined against Ueno's chest, but leaning back, supported by one of Ueno's arms, slowly being lowered to the pillows.

Ueno hovered over him and Aki stared up at him in the dimness, amazed at how long he'd agonized over the subject, and how quickly that anxiety had been extinguished. It no longer mattered how tonight or the next would end, so long as he and Ueno were together to conclude them.

He reached up, fingers wrapping themselves around Ueno's biceps. "Are you okay with this?"

"Yeah." Ueno's reply came, whispered, immediate, and honest. "I should stop thinking so hard, huh?"

A puff of breath escaped Aki's lips, suspiciously similar to a laugh. "We should both stop, I think."

Ueno had only one request to make, before Aki raised his head slightly and Ueno dipped his own.

"We should start working on that comfort thing. Now a good time?"

As if Aki would have given any answer other than _yes._

* * *

 

_What the hell am I doing here?_

He asked himself that same question, countless times in the last few minutes. Aki was likely across the hall, wondering where his boyfriend had run off to.

Of the many aspects of their relationship that had changed was one neither of them had expected, which was an increased absence. No fighting, no breaks, just a realization that they didn't have to spend every moment together, and that being reunited was so much fun when they'd spent enough time away to actually miss each other. Still, Aki would want to know where Ueno had gone, since he hadn't told Aki of any plans.

Ueno had the day off, and in his haste to get upstairs, he'd almost bowled Mira over as he'd entered the elevator. Mira, on his way outside to have a quick smoke, asked Ueno to join him. After his talk with Aki, Ueno saw Mira as less and less of an annoyance, and at times Ueno really felt for him. Mira still hadn't spoken much of his looming responsibility, but he seemed suspiciously calm; did anything bother this guy? He'd followed Mira outside, where idle conversing had quickly turned dirty, causing Ueno to regret his decision.

Today, Ueno had a suspicion Mira was attempting to fill his humiliate Ueno quota. That had to be it. What other reason could there be for this?

Still, Mira always, _always_ had a point, buried under all that nonsense and mischief. He also suspected that Mira just may have spoken to Aki some, though he wouldn't dream of inquiring. This discussion, in addition to his earlier conversations with Aki and Kanoko, had Ueno thinking the sexual theme kept invading his life for a reason. So Ueno complied, partially out of curiosity and partially of coercion, following the older man upstairs, where he coincidentally had _supplies_ on the ready.

And there they both sat, in Mira's apartment. They were both silent, save for the crinkling sounds of wrappers being torn.

"Now," Mira began, brandishing his teaching aide, "you ready?"

Ueno stared at his flavored ice with a degree of loathing. "I don't think so. I think you're messing with me. No; I'm _positive_ you're screwing with me."

"Oh, grow up, will you? You've been with Aki for what, a month and a half now, and you're _still_ not fucking each other upside down and sideways? An intervention is long overdue."

A month a half didn't seem very long. "I _never_ said that- look, it's none of your business what we do, whether or not we're doing it or how fast we're doing it, okay? We're m-"

"You didn't have to say it. That red face of yours told me plenty. And I can't for the life of me understand why you'd have such a hot, willing body next to you every night and not put it to good use. What are you, the poster child for celibacy? That's the suckiest title ever, in case you weren't aware."

Ueno drummed his fingertips against his knee. "I've never wanted to put Aki to _good use_."

"Quit stalling."

Ueno complied, coughing violently.

"Idiot. Don't jam the thing all the way down your throat on the first try; you're not a porn star. Think of the sucker as… well, a sucker, I guess. How would you normally eat it?" Mira pulled the frozen stick from Ueno's fingers. "Here."

He wasn't about to show him. Ueno, lips pressed firmly together, refused the offering. He was ready to go. He had studying to do, or he could wash his hair. Anything sounded more fun than this.

Mira stood before him, wheels turning, before he reached out and pinched Ueno's lower lip between two fingers. "Come on. How long do you want to be _that_ guy?"

He wasn't stupid. In order to reply, Ueno would have to relax his jaw. Mira had a point, but who _did_ this kind of thing? And who did it with their boyfriend's ex-lover? And what ex-lover was willing to give this kind of advice? And what kind of idiot was he for even entertaining Mira in the first place?

He was an idiot determined to satisfy his Aki when the time came, and to avoid revealing his idiot status. He'd been hoping to glean some information while feigning disinterest but that obviously wasn't going to happen; Mira demanded participation.

"Just give it a chance." Mira urged. "How many people will have stories to tell years from now as crazy and hilarious as yours?"

Ueno sighed. "I feel stupid. And for the record, this is not a story that I'm willing to share."

"Well, this isn't an exercise in coolness or sexiness. The goal is to keep from puking, and no one looks good then, not even your little cottontail. You want to waste a perfectly good sucker? Hah, sucker."

Mira eased the cold, flavored slab of ice past Ueno's lips, stopping at what he estimated to be halfway, letting it rest on his tongue.

He watched approvingly as Ueno's cheeks billowed. "Don't hold your breath; just inhale and exhale through your nose. Good boy."

Eyes watering, nostrils flaring, Ueno had never felt more foolish. To make matters worse, he was beginning to imagine with the iced sucker actually represented, noting the obvious difference in temperature, unyielding stiffness, lack of velvety skin and textures. Also missing was a voice he'd recognize in his sleep, in a deafening sea of racket, above all else.

He hadn't expected this type of reaction to those musings. Sitting there, he didn't notice Mira letting go and his eyelids slid shut, throat relaxing, unheeded tears drying on his cheeks. How would he work on it normally, anyway? He thought about it, noting that licking or sucking alone wouldn't cut it; he'd always alternated between licking _and_ sucking, working on the top roughly half the time, and catching the melted syrup from the bottom before it could dribble onto his hands and get his fingers all sticky, which he'd always hated with a passion, since licking his fingers never alleviated the stickiness.

"Excuse me."

Ueno's jaw went slack, and the iced proxy slid, forgotten, from his lips into his lap, a blue tinged line of drool following. He turned to his right.

Pepper, Aki's favorite accessory, was balanced on the lighter haired man's forearm as he calmly stood in the doorway.

"I'm sorry for just walking in Mira, but your door is always wide open these days, so it seemed silly to knock." Aki took in the scene, cocking his head. "Ueno, that's going to stain. I didn't realize you'd made it back yet."

"Um, yeah. Sorry." Ueno slid the proxy back into its wrapper.

"How rude. The two of you having a party without me?"

Mira took Ueno's snack and made his way into the kitchen.

Aki squeezed into the small space between Ueno and the couch arm, using a finger to rub the kitten in between its eyes. "Love?"

"Yeah?" Ueno didn't care for Aki's tone; he wasn't laughing, but it couldn't be far off.

"If you're attempting to desensitize your gag reflex- and correct me if that's _not_ what you're doing- try using a condom."

"A condom?" Ueno stared blankly. "Why? It's not the real thing. And would you even use a condom during… that?"

"Well, otherwise, when the ice melts the syrup will probably stick to the roof of your mouth or the back of your throat, which makes the urge to gag even stronger. If you put a condom over it, none of the syrup gets out." Aki paused briefly. "One other thing; Mira is not the ideal instructor in giving or receiving head. He doesn't often give it, and it's fair to assume that had he chosen to _receive_ it more often, he wouldn't be in his present situation."

Ueno fought the urge to offer Aki a _high-five_ , which the fairer always refused to return, or utter a superbly timed "ooh," and heard a particularly colorful string of expletives come from the direction of the kitchen.

Aki had the grace to appear just slightly apologetic. "Tending to a cock orally has never been one of your gifts."

Regrettably, Ueno had nowhere to run. "Aki, I didn't-"

"It's okay, love." Aki curled a slender hand over Ueno's knee, rubbing him a soothing, slow motion. "But next time the subject comes up, it may be in your best interest to come to me before him. I'm sure I'd be a more lifelike, willing, appreciative test dummy. Ice pops never say _thank you_ afterward- or return the favor. And the major perk- no brain freezes."

"And Aki's calorie free. Actually, there would no nutritional value whatsoever, as long as you're careful." Mira, not to be forgotten, piped in from his post at the sink.

Ueno's first thought was that never in his life had he worried about counting calories, but then he grasped the meaning behind Mira's comment and groaned.

Aki rolled his eyes. "I'm going home. Let's leave the sex god and his pupil to their session, shall we?" Aki directed his question to Pepper, who provided no objection. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Ueno's temple. Ueno felt the slightest pressure as Aki used his knee to push off, and watched him lazily make his exit before burying his face in his hands.

"Wanna keep going? We've got a whole box in the freezer, minus two."

"Forget it. Forget _you_." Ueno stomped through the open door into the hall.

If Ueno had been hoping for any relief, he should have headed back to his own apartment. But it wasn't really his home anymore; with each passing day, he felt less and less attachment for it. As he entered, he noticed Aki balanced on the arm of the couch, observing him expectantly.

"I figured you would be right after me." Aki reached out with both arms.

Ueno warily approached, his cheeks rosy, as they often were these days. "First lesson, I swear, and one I didn't sign up for."

"Obviously, from the look of things." Aki took his hands, a smug little smile wreathing his features. "You're cute, you know."

"Cute." Ueno echoed him weakly. "Is that another word for pathetic?"

A brief shake of the head, and Ueno relaxed marginally. "It bothers me that you talked to him about it instead of me."

"I didn't." Ueno replied, good humor returning. "I ran into Mira downstairs, and we were just talking, and you know how nosy Mira is; he was asking me questions about our.. you know."

"Our sex life?"

 _Or lack of._ “Right. Anyway, I didn't confirm or deny anything, but he figured it out, as you can guess, and dragged me upstairs. How does this happen?"

Aki bit his lip. "How do you get into any situation? You let him run you over. It wouldn't kill you to simply walk away."

"True. You would know." Ueno stuck his tongue out.

Aki hopped to his feet. "You can come to me. I won't ask questions, and I promise not to embarrass you." Smooth hands cupped both his cheeks.

"Yeah." Ueno agreed verbally, although not in his head, before Aki pulled him in. Topics of that nature were still difficult for him to mention, but his hands had grown bolder, making up for what he lacked otherwise. They slid over Aki's backside in a gentle caress, while Aki caught Ueno's upper lip between both of his own. Two weeks made a world of difference.

He tightened his grip, and Aki hummed into his mouth, sifting through Ueno's hair, molding his fingers to his scalp.

"Blueberry?" The question was mumbled.

"I think so."

Aki stepped backward, rounding the couch and still attached, Ueno followed, until Aki was able to push the other onto the cushioning. Descending, he covered Ueno's prone form with his own.

"What did you do with Pepper?" Ueno inquired.

Aki, mouth attached to the tendon of Ueno's throat, mumbled his response again. "Asleep. He's in Usagi's lair. He was active this afternoon."

Oh. That meant Usagi had caught him by the ruff of the neck and dragged him under the bed, where they frequently rested together. The kidnapping had been worrisome at first, but after concluding that the older cat harbored no ill intent, they allowed it to happen. Even Ueno tired eventually in the face of the kitten's energy, grateful when Usagi assumed some of the responsibility.

"So," Aki began, "what have you got planned for today?"

"If I can knock out a little homework, I'm good. You mind?"

"Nuh uh." Aki eased off of him, and they both sat. "If you don't mind being left alone for a while, I was thinking of walking to the new bookstore in the next district. I've never been there before, and it will keep me out of your hair for a couple of hours. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Ueno slid from the couch to the floor, snagging his bag and dragging it to his side. "Oh, yeah. I've gotten tired of you these days. Go."

A gentle slap to the side of the head, and Aki stood. "You almost sounded serious. Do we need to have a talk?"

Ueno smiled, a bit of mischief shining through. "Anything but that."

* * *

 

Aki browsed to his heart's content, making his way through each aisle. He cracked open text he had absolutely no interest in for the sake of fun. He thumbed through magazines both intellectual and frivolous, read all signage and posters, eventually sinking into a vacant armchair located toward the back of the store, where the hubbub of the evening crowd was more a faraway hum than a disturbance.

With no real need to rush, he decided to examine his prospective take-home material more thoroughly before making a purchase. With more than an hour to kill before he was due to meet Ueno for dinner, he had nothing better to do anyway, as he didn't fancy visiting any other shops.

He equated his slight giddiness to that of a prisoner who was experiencing life on the outside again. Having only been _imprisoned_ , as he thought of it now, a year, he still didn't venture out into the world much without some sort of companionship. Ueno was always good company, so he hadn't felt any urge for privacy, but he could do this again- often- in fact. The layout of the shop was aesthetically pleasing; this just might become his second home.

Was it weird that he deemed this such a liberating activity? Was he nuts for feeling a thrill and exhilaration run through him at such a basic independent act of an adult?

Probably not; there were other factors to be attributed to his level of wackiness.

Still, he cheerfully dove into the bounty he had balanced on his lap. His plan, having three weeks to go before his much anticipated vacation, was mainly to find some material to take with him and a little something to satisfy him in the meantime. He'd likely need something to focus on while Ueno's attention was commanded by everyone in attendance, a fact he did not appreciate, but had to deal with. He must have been crazy for considering a vacation at a spot maintained by his family; his grandmother had immediately notified his father, who had in turn elected to turn their winter break into a family vacation.

No point in stressing about it. He continued perusing his literature; he'd carefully chosen a few selections of poetry, which he didn't often read, but wanted to give another try, and then added an autobiography, a work of literary criticism and some works of fiction to the stack as well, rounding out his selection nicely.

His idle time passed so quickly he failed to notice, noting the hour as he glanced casually at a wall clock. He gathered up his chosen reading material, stretching to work out the kinks he incurred from sitting too long in one position before making his way to the front of the store and quickly making his purchase. Ueno would be meeting him outside in a few minutes, and then their next destination was the restaurant he and Ueno had decided on before Aki left the apartment-another first. It appeared neither of them was opposed to dining out; Ueno seemed pleased at Aki's suggestion, but had never made a similar suggestion himself.

After such a relaxing couple of hours- minus the amusement of catching his boyfriend sharing a blow job rehearsal with his ex-lover- sharing a dinner, situated in a quiet corner, would top off his day nicely.

Ah, simple pleasures. Aki couldn't remember when he'd felt so undeniably upbeat, a fact he pondered while he began to walk through the automatic double doors at the store's entrance. Ueno would be along any min-

He crashed into a brick wall.

Well, to be truthful, the brick wall turned out to be a man, head bowed to examine the screen of his cellular phone. Aki had stopped mid-step when he realized the mass was coming toward him, but still collided with him forcefully enough that he fell backward, and the stranger let out a startled shout, kind enough to reach out, wrapping his fingers around Aki's biceps to steady him. The phone flew from his hand and dropped to the floor, back plate sliding in one direction and the battery in another.

Aki opened his mouth to apologize, though the other party was to blame for the accident. He looked up, customary niceties on the tip of his tongue, but choked on his apology and the words never made it through his lips.

An average looking guy stood there. He was slightly above medium height, though a smidgen on the portly side. His light brown hair was shaggy, unkempt, and obviously not an intentional style; the guy didn't appear to care much about his appearance, made obvious by his baggy, wrinkled, designer button-down top, matched with a pair of sweatpants. The outfit was made complete with a pair of high-priced flip flops. Judging from the labels he wore, the man was most likely well off financially, but simply didn't have the time, skill, or interest in matching and grooming. He wasn't someone Aki would have given a second glance.

That is, he wouldn't have given the guy a second glance unless he recognized him on sight, which sadly, was exactly the case.

Plump, hot fingers that grasped his arms to steady him turned hard, squeezing tightly enough that Aki gritted his teeth. An instant later, he was shoved backward, almost losing his balance again.

Aki straightened and backed away, vowing to keep his cool and reveal nothing as he bent, retrieving the pieces of the dropped phone. He even went as far as to pop the battery back into place and secure the plate before reaching out with one arm, offering the device to its owner. "Hopefully it isn't broken." He spoke quietly, but his assailant went stiff, staring at Aki's offering for a moment before silently snatching away the phone, turning about face, and all but sprinting off in the opposite direction, his original destination forgotten-or disregarded.

Aki let out his breath with a whoosh.

He didn't blame the guy for running, of being scared shitless. Or for being confused, angry, or any other emotion he dared experience. Aki wouldn't have been able to recall the face, the hands, or the body until they reappeared before him, but this chance meeting brought back the memories, and the impact hit him harder than the other man physically had a moment ago. He'd felt no shame about what a single, random encounter could do to an individual long term, at least not then. He wondered if the guy-he couldn't recall if he'd even been given a name- was currently as big of a mess as Aki himself was, or how often he recalled Aki's face and shuddered in humiliation.

Maybe he'd been afraid that Aki would open his mouth and talk, but who would he have shared that crazy bit of filth with? Perhaps he'd been afraid of his own reaction; he'd responded favorably to Aki's advances, so being fearful that those feelings were still there was a possibility, and a frightening one to a guy who had never thought himself attracted to men, who might still be fighting memories, attempting to categorize or make sense of them.

His face was one of many that Aki had wished never to see again but as he gathered his wits and exited the bookstore, he knew that after this chance meeting, the image would be hard pressed to fade.

There went his _relaxing_ dinner with the love of his life. Aki wondered, as he spied Ueno approaching him, as if working from a script, if the big pile of shit hovering directly over his head ever took a day off.

All in all, it hadn't been a good week. Or a bad one. The constant rise and drop in stress had been tiring. The pleasures had made the shocks much more detrimental, and the shocks made the pleasures a bit less enjoyable.

This was his second visit with Ueno's family since establishing their firm commitment to one another, and so far, the get-together had been easy and fun. Ueno had explained that each visit differed; his mother always came, but the tagalongs varied. She'd come with Ueno's little sister and grandmother in tow again, but had two of her grandchildren- Ueno's nieces- in her care this for the weekend instead of one. Seven people in Ueno's little apartment made it seem even smaller, but in no way unpleasant.

He'd enjoyed awkwardly explaining away the few mottled, purplish-red blotches adorning the pale skin of his neck, which he had forgotten to cover and Ueno's sister had bluntly pointed out. Ueno had sported a furious blush no one noticed during Aki's explanation; over the course of the previous week, Ueno had developed a new-found fascination with that area, a discovery Aki rather liked. He also wasn't put off by the fact that Ueno's family hadn't been informed of their relationship yet, convinced that confessions would come in time. His family wasn't quite as wacky as Aki's, at least not in the same way.

Aki was thoroughly entertained by Ueno's interaction with his family. Their affection for one another was obvious in every hug and the banter between them. Aki didn't doubt that they argued, but that their disputes were always settled by dinnertime; it was something out of a television show. Solutions took twenty-two minutes, maximum.

That affection apparently extended to others; Aki was both disregarded and loved the way family typically was, having been somehow stripped of his acquaintance status. Ueno had also explained to Aki that his mother typically welcomed most of Ueno's friends with a few exceptions, but that for some reason, his mother seemed rather taken by him in particular. Aki believed him, as Ueno's mother had already mussed up his hair and kissed the top of his head twice. She'd even swatted at his rear end as he passed by her to help Ueno's grandmother in the kitchen and teased him about his hair color, which he assured her was natural.

It seemed awfully backwards that he would have jumped out of his skin had his _own_ mother touched him in that manner. Aki was puzzled at the warmth blossoming in his chest when dealing with Ueno's mother, of the blanketing of peace he experienced while in her presence, reactions that were dormant when dealing with his own.

She listened raptly as Aki described his course load and the paper he was currently outlining for class. She asked after Aki's own family, inquiring as to Aki's own number of siblings and extended family, and what his parents did for a living. She pinched Aki's side, estimating his weight and prescribing more meat and sifted through his hair, still disbelieving and determined to find his natural color.

Ueno's niece clung to Aki's calf as he stood and climbed over him as if he was some playground toy. Kikuyu, almost two years of age with thick black hair, large velvety brown eyes, rosebud lips and a darker complexion that resembled Ueno's, frequently climbed up onto the couch next to him and stared up into his face with rapt curiosity. Aki couldn't prevent himself from smiling at her whenever he caught her watching him.

Aki unwound under their attention, having little time to focus on his own issues.

Until Kikuyo, energy waning, approached her Uncle Ueno, who was on the floor, eyes closed and shoulders supported against the couch. She clambered onto his belly and shimmied her way upward until her head was tucked underneath his chin, chubby legs spread on either side of him. Settled nicely, she stuck her thumb in between her lips and immediately checked out of the conscious world.

Without opening his eyes or reacting otherwise, as if he were long used to serving as a makeshift bed, Ueno raised an arm, palm on her rear, and adjusted her position.

Aki opened his mouth in protest before becoming aware of his reaction. His heart lodged in throat, but he caught himself in time, before he made a scene that there would be no way in hell to explain. As he stared at his boyfriend and his niece cuddled up together, his forehead went moist, scalp tingling at the roots.

Aki knew that Ueno's hand would never cause a child-or any individual- intentional pain, shame, or anguish. Not everyone had Aki's background; some people grew up normally, free of abuse. Still, Aki's hands began to shake, his breathing became ever so slightly labored, and his eyes burned.

"Aki? You're going a little pale." Ueno's mother leaned over him, lips pursed in thought. "Do you need to lie down?"

"N-no. I'm fine. I will go get some air, though. I'm a little warm. Excuse me." Aki pushed off from the couch and almost flew to the front door, escaping into the cold.

It was freezing out there; his sweat dissipated almost immediately, and he took several deep breaths, willing calm to return. If he didn't get himself together quickly, Ueno would come out to check on him, and he wasn't prepared to explain himself, not when he hadn't yet made complete sense of his reaction.

"Logic. Logic, logic." Aki whispered aloud to himself, and his trembling slowly subsiding.

The comfort and ease of his afternoon was fading. He wanted to go home. The area underneath his own bed, now claimed by Usagi, had never seemed so inviting; he longed to hide there now. Any place small and cramped would work.

The concrete slab of Ueno's doorstep wasn't a welcoming or spacious lounging area, but he slid down to it anyway, legs dangling from the edge. His temperature returned to normal, then quickly dropped further still, until he was shivering more from cold than nerves.

Okay, okay; given his upbringing, his reaction made sense. For a kid who had been exploited at such a young age, jumping to conclusions was inevitable, right?

He heard the door creak open behind him and he slowly turned around to see Ueno standing in the door frame.

Ueno eyeballed Aki cautiously from where he stood, making no move to approach him.

"I think I started to run out of steam." Aki's explanation was lame, but it was better than nothing. "I thought the cold air would help."

"That's weird coming from you. It's freezing out, and you go all immobile when you're cold. Maybe you need to eat. Dinner's almost done. Hungry?"

Ueno moved and made to grab Aki's hand, but stopped at the last moment, mindful of his unsuspecting family inside.

"Sure." Aki would have to force the nourishment down his throat, but he didn't bother refusing; it wouldn't be taken well by the matriarchs. "It may help."

He followed Ueno inside, in disbelief that yet another potentially wonderful day could take such a horrible turn.

But he made it, and hours later, after saying their goodbyes, took a deep breath and silently gave thanks.

Preoccupied the remainder of the visit and grateful to have to put on airs for only one individual now instead of six, his stress level was ebbing.

Physical contact, which he'd been denied all afternoon, was once again his to take. He did so, sitting on the carpeted floor, leaning against the couch. His knees were raised and spread, with Ueno arranged between them. Ueno was ignoring him; the video game required his full attention. He clutched the controller in a death grip, his tawny fingers pressing buttons in what Aki could only interpret as a vicious, disorganized mashing, though Ueno had insisted he was implementing a technique that Aki simply couldn't recognize.

Except for the accompanying sound effects from the television, the only other noise was the occasional grunting and a muffled curse here and there from his boyfriend. Witnessing Ueno losing his head over an insignificant battle between two fictitious characters was entertaining.

"Feeling better?" Ueno spoke finally, and Aki lifted his head, startled.

"Much better."

"Are you going to tell me what's really wrong now?" Ueno paused his game and waited.

"Nothing in particular. I think this week just started to catch up with me. I think my nerves are starting to react a little. I'm a little tired, I think." It was amazing how he could cover up the truth with the absolute truth. Out and out lying to Ueno was a no-no; Aki couldn't bring himself to do it anymore.

Ueno gave a murmur of agreement, then tilted his head back to let out a yawn.

"Running out of steam?" Aki wound his arms around Ueno's middle. "Are you through with your game for now?"

"Sure." Ueno used his controller to exit the game and then powered down his console. "Does the fact that we're always safe at home and in bed before midnight worry you at all, make you wonder if we're getting old before our time?"

"No. I feel the same way about rest as you do about vegetables, I suppose. The more you get, the better off you are. Maybe it's the novelty of having my own place, but I like hiding out at home, having a routine."

"That proves my point. Your actions show that you've living up to your hair color." Aki couldn't see Ueno's face, but there was a smile in his voice. "I guess if I were you and I had a nice place like yours, I'd feel the same way. I do wonder sometimes if you get bored, if we should start going out and doing things that a typical people do."

"Not even a little bit. We're not typical anyway. A little more activity probably wouldn't hurt either of us, but believe me, I don't mind the solitude right now." Aki pressed his lips to the nape of Ueno's neck, lingering there while running his hands along Ueno's sides, muscles bunching and tightening under his fingers. "You make my relative solitude bearable, you know."

"Glad to be of use." Ueno sounded bashful now.

"You're intentionally misunderstanding me." Aki gave the back of his neck another kiss, with an accompanying nuzzle. "Being with you makes everything better."

And that was the honest truth. His week had been a constant contrasting of ups and downs. Ueno wasn't privy to the daunting variety of thoughts and anxieties that had ping ponged between his ears and could not comprehend the enormity of Aki's statement, but he had helped simply by being himself. Aki needed his stability.

His thoughts had been much too scattered throughout the week to focus on the progress they'd made at the beginning of the week. But now, Aki pressed his nose into the fine hair at the nape of Ueno's neck, inhaling deeply, taking in the clean scent of shampoo remaining from Ueno's earlier shower. A calm settled over Aki while he delivered his ministrations. The bristly, fine hair tickled his nose, but in no way deterred, he kissed that soft, warm skin again, and then again, while his fingers joined above Ueno's navel.

Aki moved his lips to Ueno's earlobe. "Can we go to bed now?" He spoke quietly.

Ueno stirred in Aki's embrace, and then rose to his feet before reaching for Aki's hand and helping him stand. "I could sleep."

Ueno turned and strode toward his bedroom door while Aki, frozen in place, clasped his hands together and opened his mouth. His boyfriend could be awfully dense. "Hey."

"Yeah?" He stopped mid-step and turned. "What is it?"

"You're slow."

"Huh?"

Aki inhaled deeply. He could still back down, come up with some wisecrack, and avoid the possibility of rejection. He could reign in his recklessness. They _could_ go to sleep. He could go another night somehow, another week, a month even, without kneading Ueno's neck, back or shoulders in his hands, without experiencing the heated rub of Ueno's skin against his own, without the slow, moist slide of their forms working in unison.

"I'm not interested in sleeping." He lowered his eyes and waited. Any argument against his desire lay buried under temptation and curiosity, and regardless of how quickly they did- or didn't- have sex, Aki was unable to predict a negative consequence. To call Ueno special was an understatement, and pulling back made as much sense as dousing himself in gasoline and skipping the circumference of a bonfire.

Awkwardness was a rarity for Aki but right then, as Ueno's mouth fell open in apparent befuddlement, Aki opened his mouth and pure clumsiness poured out.

"I'm being selfish. I know you didn't get much rest this week. It's not like I have a job or any other responsibility like you do. I mean, you have work and school and somehow you seem to manage it all fine, and you take care of the kitties and cook and run all the errands, but I'm sure it gets-"

Ueno closed his mouth and held up both hands, assembled in the universal time-out position. "What the hell?"

Aki stopped, unable to look away from his clasped fingers. "Sorry."

"Sorry for what? The rambling or the offer?"

"Both." He lifted both hands and covered his face and apologized again. "I'm sorry."

After a small pause, Ueno's voice was audible again, this time closer. "How rude. So are you backing out?"

"Please," Aki muttered into his fingers, "don't mock me right now. I don't cope well with humiliation."

"I'm not teasing you." Aki's hands were pulled down and away.

Aki recognized the absurdity of his innuendo. It made a lot of sense to suggest sex when they hadn't even kissed; his solicitation had come from absolutely nowhere, at least from Ueno's perspective. He said as much, confused when Ueno looked close to laughter.

"I _wouldn't_ mock you." Ueno said, slowly and carefully. "Not when I couldn't get up the nerve to bring it up myself. On top of that, I didn't say I needed to sleep; I said I _could_. _And_ , if kissing has to happen first, should we get started or what?"

Ueno was _not_ consenting. Aki had to be hearing him wrong. It was improbable. As unlikely as Ueno welcoming Aki into his life as a friend after the way they met. It was about as crazy as entering into a relationship, as odd as remaining after reviewing Aki's complete curriculum vitae.

It would have been truly absurd, if Ueno hadn't already done all of those remarkable things.

Ueno released his wrists, lifting his hands to cup Aki's face and draw him forward. He shouldn't have jumped, shouldn't have felt the shock he did when their lips met, but Aki trembled at the contact.

Ueno didn't stop and ask him what was the matter, or attempt to figure out the answer himself; he continued the caress, soothing the tremors in a more satisfying manner.

Ueno drew back, but only for a cheek-to-cheek cuddle, while Aki caught his breath. He warmed, closing his eyes as arms encircled his midsection.

Still, he had to ask. "You want it too?" He spoke against Ueno's cheek.

Then Ueno said something, and it wasn't what he said, but _how_ that had Aki in tremors all over again. That silky murmur wasn't typical Ueno in its blatant honesty, in the desire that fairly oozed forth from it, wasn't what he would have expected, but then again, Aki and Ueno were new to bedroom talk, to vocalizing their wants with one another.

"Yes." Ueno angled his head for another kiss, and it was quite some time before he broke away to complete his response. "I know we finally talked about it a little, but I guess I still expected it to take longer than this. Anyway, I've been dreaming about going to bed for weeks, remember?"

Previously resting at his sides, his arms finally wound around Ueno's neck as Aki recovered from his stupor and the reality of what was about to occur dawned. An audible _click_ registered, and Aki's arms tightened.

The living area was instantaneously blanketed in something darker; not sinister, oppressive or wicked, but hushed, almost serene, while still possessing a voltaic quality. Primal, maybe.

A hand slid up the back of Ueno's neck and pulled, urged, until Ueno heeded the pressure and leaned in.

Ueno's mouth was warm, soft, and gentle as always, though this time Ueno kissed him even more tentatively than usual, as if he were testing the waters before moving on. In lieu of a long, drawn out lip lock, he drew back frequently before returning for another kiss, until Aki's fingers tightened in his hair and held him there, intensifying the exchange by refusing to allow any further break in contact.

Warm digits slid under his shirt, and instead of gripping the material and pulling, Ueno ran his fingers up, starting at Aki's belly and working his way up, the fabric following.

Given the size of Ueno's domicile, a good five or six steps would have taken them to the bedroom easily. Aki couldn't recall a single step though; when he opened his eyes again, they were there, with no _poof_ sound effect to prove any method of movement other than the logical. A second later, Ueno fell backward onto the bed, with a wiggling, ecstatic Aki on top of him.

Finally. _Finally_.

 


	30. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

 _It was overcast outside. On this dismal, random Saturday lacking any sort of productive activity, Ueno was hard pressed to remember a day in his recent past when he'd felt quite so cozy, serene, and content. Ueno had arrived at his parents' home the night before and was spending a weekend surrounded by his blood. It was proving uneventful, though he enjoyed lazing around the family house. Usually, he spent his weekends running full speed, but occasional relaxation never hurt. At times, he longed to stop moving, to rest his body and mind. When he felt the urge to receive some coddling instead of giving, he recognized home as the place to get it. This time around, he'd preferred home over his friend's proposed weekend of drinking and bonding. He didn't care to socialize with_ all _the people who would be in attendance, and it had been over two months since he'd been able to enjoy the company of his family. He'd craved his mother's cooking, the familial banter and general mayhem of the house. Going home had quickly won out._

_Everyone was doing their own thing that day; his baby sister was up in her room, no doubt in the middle of an incredibly vital phone call with her best friend of the week. The last time Ueno had passed her bedroom door, he'd overheard her discussing their new favorite color or something. His father was holed up in the study, as he normally was over the weekend, analyzing magazines. Some called it necessary. Ueno teased his father for collecting medical pornography, and usually earned a chuckle, accompanied by a slap upside the head. His older sister had already come by, dropping off his nephew and nieces for an extended stay. His older brothers, no longer living at home, were off living their respective lives, though the oldest had promised to stop over later that evening. The other was off being holy. Sounds and scents of a culinary miracle filtered into the living area from the kitchen, so apparently his mother was already busy._

_His nephew, older than the rest of the kids, was on his own while his baby sisters napped. He liked to play like any other child, but only occasionally, and always on his own terms. The activities he preferred were usually not the type his sisters, cousins, or other kids preferred. He had already been tagged as intellectual by the family and teachers but nerdy and strange by his peers, one of the true marks of a child genius or prodigy, as far as Ueno was concerned. As Ueno watched Sachio, thoroughly entranced by his favorite recent activity of choice, he marveled at his nephew's focus. He'd graduated from coloring to drawing at an accelerated speed, and from that to experimenting with paint. He'd come bearing art supplies and hadn't left his seat in over an hour, in deep concentration. Ueno, feeling excessively lazy, stretched out on the couch, his nephew directly in front of him on the floor, occasionally sneaking a glance at the kid's canvas but refraining from asking questions, as Sachio grew bashful when he knew he was being watched, likely mindful of possible teasing._

_The kid wasn't actually painting, anyway. He'd set out a several tubes of watercolor paint on the floor to his left, with cleaned brushes and a spray bottle filled with tepid water on his right. The canvas, much too small for an elaborate masterpiece, it instead served as a practice area, balanced on the table in front of him, and Ueno could tell from quick glances that his nephew was merely dinking around with color combinations. The top right corner was filled with single strokes, one neat and tidy next to the other and so on, each one a shade different than the last, all variants of blue. The top left corner sported shades of red. From such a small number of source colors, he'd created an impressive quantity of hues._

_How a kid could sit still and concentrate on something so_ tedious _without any sort of reward or instant gratification was beyond Ueno, but he was impressed nonetheless. His nephew had a serious fascination, fantasizing about his future works, staring at photographs of cherry blossoms, leaves, tree trunks, butterflies and magnified blades of grass, to name a few marvels of nature. The child wanted to duplicate them all on canvas, but quickly discovered that to create masterpieces, one must first learn to paint._

_Ueno had expected Sachio to quickly lose interest. After all, the child was so accustomed to automatic success, immediately grasping concepts, excelling in his classes and completing tasks with the smallest amount of effort. Trying was foreign to little Sachio, but he'd risen to the occasion, studiously examining color combinations. He could now tell a cheap brush from a professional one, had learned how to prime a canvas, and understood the abilities that varied between different painting methods._

_His quiet little companion sighed, sticking a finger in between his lips and staring at his work for a moment or two before Ueno interrupted the silence._

_"I like that one."_

_"Eh?"_

_"That color you made."_

_"Which one?" His nephew flushed, but since Ueno had issued a compliment, he apparently felt confident enough to entertain his uncle._

_"The reddish one, that looks kind of orangey-pink..ish." Ueno hadn't known what exactly to call it; it was simply pleasing and calming to his eye, and stood out against the rest. "The third one over from the edge."_

_"Mmm." Sachio had craned his neck to get a good look at Ueno, but turned back around to examine the mentioned shade. "It makes me think of hot days."_

_"Yeah?" Ueno blinked. "How come?"_

_"I get to stay up later on the days I have no school, you know?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Mama and Papa like to sit outside when it gets warm, and we get to watch the sun go down. The sky is the same color."_

_"_ Oh yeah! _" Ueno nodded. "You wanna know something else that's the same color?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Your mom's hair." Ueno leaned over and poked his nephew's cheek._

_"That's not the same thing!" Sachio shook his head vehemently, swatting at Ueno's wiggling fingers. "Mama_ makes _her hair that color. She takes over the bathroom and gets that stuff all over the sink and the floor. Then Papa yells and stomps around the house because of the mess, but after he's done being mad, he always tells her that it's pretty._ This _wasn't_ created _. It happened just because, you know? It's supposed to be this way."_

 _Sachio was a deep kid. "You mean it's natural." Ueno smiled. That was true. The color swatch, much like his sister's highlights, had come straight from a few tubes and tedious mixing, culminating into a combination she hadn't planned, but liked nonetheless. He'd never marveled the dubious beauty of her tresses, but a sunset or two_ had _stolen his breath, without a doubt. "How did you know what colors to put together? I couldn't do it."_

 _"Dunno. I was mixing, and it just happened. It was a mistake, but I like it. Should I call it_ mama? _"_

_Ueno blinked and nodded, a bit hesitantly. The kid was naming his colors. He was going to be rich one day. One day the little intellectual was going to call all of the shots and make naysayers feel somehow inadequate later on in life._

His nephew hadn't set out to create a color perfect for a sunset; it had been a mistake, according to Sachio. Well, maybe not a mistake, but Ueno cosigned on the _just_ _happened_ part. Ueno supposed he couldn't try to create a color he'd never envisioned or put a name to before. But somehow, Ueno had been exposed at just the right time, having been in just the right place, to swatches of color, bathing the sky in the most beautiful, awe-inspiring sunset ever to take place on earth. Once Ueno had seen it and then learned it carried the name Aki, he'd considered it perfect, understanding the true value, even if Aki himself couldn't.

In his musing of that afternoon when he'd been hanging out with his family, not long before his first meeting with Aki, he felt that he'd finally hit something major. He had no idea if the revelation was shared by Aki, but it made perfect sense to Ueno. As incredibly fluffy and ill-timed the waking dream was, it seemed to sum up his feelings about his relationship with Aki so well, even while he lay there in the beginnings of passion.

Aki could never have come from a pre-made palette or imagined, sellable color, much like many of the most treasured individuals in Ueno's life. But unlike the others that Ueno treasured, whom he loved, defended, and respected, the color _Aki_ was perfect. It was made for him, somehow, without explanation, complimenting him completely. Together, they were somehow the ultimate, sweetest dichotomy, warm and thrilling. Ideal. It defied explanation. Some would say they weren't suited to one another in any way, but while Ueno agreed, he also knew, deep inside him, those differences were what attracted them to one another, period.

Aki had said much the same before, about Ueno being made for him, though in not as many words. Ueno hadn't considered the comment as thoroughly as he should have. The knowledge that he might be someone else's perfect match filled him with a giddiness, a novel sense of purpose. Ueno had never attempted to create or realize Aki out of thin air, not when he had been going through his life happily enough, never realizing what a life without Aki would be like until his life became _filled_ with him. He'd have gone through his life just fine without meeting Aki, as ignorance could indeed be bliss. Maybe he could have settled down into adulthood with a nice, pretty _, blah_ girl, and missed out on the most beatific, perfect, breathtaking treasure ever gifted to him, not knowing any better. But now that Aki had materialized, he could never be unloved or forgotten. There was only one of his boyfriend in the world- thank goodness.

While he'd never realized that his life was lacking, never asked for much from anyone, Aki had still fallen into his lap. Warts and all, Aki was perfection, somehow.

Unlike the paint, however, he couldn't have been an accident or mistake; could such a satisfying match be anything but fate, something specially, specifically created? Aki could very well be Ueno's very own sunset. And if Aki hadn't been perfect for him, Ueno would still have fallen in love him, for no good reason. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. It wasn't a generalization. Ueno knew.

_His._

How _unbelievably_ cheesy. Ueno was startled to realize that this was the first time he'd consciously referred to Aki as belonging specifically to him, a true pang of possessiveness. Sure, he'd referred to Aki as his boyfriend, but that was weak, paling in comparison to believing that the fairer was completely his-only. Ueno not only wanted, but needed to care for him, force meals down his throat, ensure he was up for class, to dispel his fears, to make him crack a stupid smile - not one of his gorgeous ones - to make him constantly, consistently happy. If Aki had been aboard Ueno's train of thought, he'd probably have smiled sweetly in agreement and told Ueno that he was happy and taken care of very well, but this musing was Ueno's alone.

It was a musing that would be best considered any time but now.

It had taken far too long to get here. And yet, the instant the two of them finally arrived, it seemed to Ueno as if no time had passed at all. How long had it been since they'd discussed their lack of intimacy and their longing for the eventual culmination of their love? A year, a couple of days, a week? How long had Ueno truly waited for this, mindful of the awe-inspiring possibilities while he staunchly denied his needs on the surface? It seemed to have lasted mere minutes, now that Aki covered his body and filled his senses.

Pondering anything else too deeply wasn't wise; his first task should be to act. When Aki descended on him, he'd merely sprawled, spread-eagled, arms slack, and arched his neck in offering to Aki's lips. It was an offer Aki had accepted completely and immediately, attaching himself to his boyfriend's exposed throat, taking loving ownership.

It was _good_. His eyelids fluttered almost spastically, then eventually pressed shut, and for a moment the only sensation that registered on his skin was delight, on his lips and tongue an aftertaste of mild citrus from their earlier dessert. Aki's mouth inspired tremors with each caress. He'd felt those lips on his own more times than he could count, particularly over the last couple of weeks, but less often in this way, for this sole purpose, when their intent was to madden. His arms came up; one hand gripping his boyfriend's side, and the other slid up, his fingers threading through silky strands resting at the back of Aki's neck, the skin underneath warm and soft.

The pressure moved upward, and Aki's tongue emerged, slick and leisurely, brushing over Ueno's earlobe. The repeated caress brought forth a breath Ueno hadn't realized he was holding, escaping in the form of a barely audible whine. It was a sound he was pretty sure had never, _ever_ worked its way out of him before and he'd had blushed if Aki hadn't replied with an immediate murmuring of his own. Aki's response, while indecipherable, was soft and reassuring, coming to life against his skin and inspiring a fluttering in his chest cavity. _I know- me too, love._

They were in this- in everything- together. Ueno, felt, _heard_ the unspoken message, the plea to share this experience, brought to life by Aki's beautiful, low voice. While the words were only in his head, he shuddered. He moved to sit, but Aki pulled back before wrapping his hands around Ueno's wrists, warned by the tightening of muscle.

He relaxed his limbs, staring up at his boyfriend through a fog that didn't quite muddy the fairer man's beauty. Maybe, _maybe_ he could have overpowered Aki, if that was truly what he'd desired. Inspired anew to participate, anxious to give, but far too interested in Aki's intent in restraining him, of what was to come; he didn't fight it. Ueno tried to calm himself with slow, deep breaths, but the thundering in his chest not only refused to subside in the face of his efforts; it increased with alarming multiplicity.

But then, Aki released his wrists almost immediately, seemingly in afterthought, and whispered down to him. "On second thought, I do need you to sit up for me, love. Just for a second."

 _Love_ always sounded good when it came filtered through Aki's soft voice. He did as instructed, Aki's soft hands pressed to his back, helping him, but wasn't sure how; he didn't recall _how_ he moved, or of any effort he put into the motion. His senses were heightened- painfully so- but his voluntary reflexes were mostly numb. He was still able to obey, though, as if being pulled, _called_. Ueno obviously had never assumed that he would be the one to give direction or lead, but lying there while Aki did the work was a concept that had not occurred to him, either. Not that he would have necessarily have known _how_ to lead; their lovemaking patterns and comfort levels hadn't yet been established, weren't known to either one of them yet. That kind of ease took time, as well as experience. He trusted Aki's ability to improvise much more than his own.

Ueno found that he couldn't do much more, only sit still when Aki kneeled between his legs, staring dazedly into lovely garnet, random thoughts and musings meshing, while Aki slid button after button of Ueno's shirt free, parting the material with both hands. Ueno was yielding as Aki eased his arms free of the first shirt and then worked the long sleeved top he wore underneath up and over his chest, and then his head. He wasn't moving a muscle outwardly, but his insides assuredly did handsprings and cartwheels, silly considering they had undressed one another above the waist in the past.

When cool fingers cupped his shoulders and then glided down, his eyes again closed on their own. Fearful of what would occur if the confines of his form were unable to contain his reaction to Aki's touch, his muscles repeatedly bunched and released. Aki was taking his time, lowering his head to softly kiss one of Ueno's shoulders while his fingers descended, solidly pressing into his front. Ueno inhaled sharply as a finger passed over a dormant tip on the way down, braced himself against the electric pinpricks that arrayed the center; he couldn't for the life of him recall an occasion when someone intentionally touched him there, or when the often disregarded little point had ever ripened to such stiffness, and so quickly.

There was a pause before Aki applied additional pressure, urging Ueno to again recline below him. Ueno dimly observed his boyfriend dip his head, then the warm, slick swipe of a tongue against his skin, strands of silvery hair skimming over him, tickling. His nerve endings crackled, arms slack but twitching at his sides. The even bigger shock was when Aki used his mouth to travel along the trail his hand initially chartered. That puckered tip blossomed fully in response to a leisurely stroke of Aki's tongue and the accompanying coolness of air passing over his moistened skin.

Ueno couldn't help himself; he arched and he struggled against writhing as Aki continued his ministrations, his thoughts reeling, his skin painfully tightened. His labored breathing brought with it a faint, spicy scent, not at all unpleasant; was it Aki's hair? How had he never noticed it before? His body jerked with every flick and stroke of Aki's fingers and every swipe of that tongue, but he was good for nothing; Aki wasn't benefiting from his inactivity. He ached to rise, but remaining sprawled beneath Aki was fun, too. He should have been appalled at the way he only took, could only undulate, only tremble like an innocent, unsuspecting first-timer. The thought was disconcerting.

With the exception of work and class, his days were centered on Aki. They spent their lunch hour together, and every available moment before and after work, within reason, was spent with Aki from the time they woke up to start their day through the time they slumbered, their bodies curled around one another.

While spending most available waking moments with him, and while imagining often what consenting sex would be like, he'd never imagined this; the pleasures of questing touches, of how it would feel to have Aki's slender fingers rolling one nipple to ripeness between his fingers while his tongue danced around the other, of how Aki's hair, which he was now threading his fingers through to cement his palm to Aki's scalp, would feel in his hands tonight, seeking some sort of relief instead of giving.

How could he have? He'd never felt so bodily and mentally fixed toward another human being in his life, at least not this way, had never known it was even possible.

He forced his limbs into motion and lowered his hand to reach for a forearm, stalling Aki long enough to scoot backward and seek some support from the pillows piled up behind him before he held out his arms, hands beckoning, and panted an eloquent, respectful command. It was a demand that he clearly saw bring a smile to Aki's face, and one that was immediately obeyed. It was also the first coherent set of words he'd voiced since being tumbled into bed.

"Here. Now."

Though not accustomed to the position until that night, Ueno's thighs again came apart easily, and Aki slid into the cradle of them as if he was meant to be there. Aki pressed himself close, his face situated into its previous location, placing soft, brief kisses to Ueno's neck before re-focusing his attentions. He swallowed hard when Aki's mouth found a patch of skin behind his ear and began nibbling at it, gently at first, but with increasing pressure and intensity.

One hand hurriedly worked Aki's shirt upward, exposing most of his back, but Ueno's other hand moved down, fingers entering the gap in the denim of Aki's jeans. He flexed his fingers experimentally and when no objection came, did one better and slid a hand beneath Aki's thin, snug fitting shorts. He'd learned recently that this was one of his own favorite spots to tend to, a fact Aki accepted without the batting of an eye. Warm flesh, smooth as butter and soft as silk, welcomed his touch and he was inspired to knead, with more force than intended.

Ueno underestimated, or rather, never acknowledged any sort of response he might experience from auditory encouragement, but Aki drew back slightly, removing his mouth from Ueno's sensitive skin with a tiny smack and vocalized his appreciation. That moan, stuttered, deep and husky, filtered into his ears, and quite possibly the most sensual and appreciated utterance ever heard, Ueno's jeans instantly grew tighter. Inspired, he began anew.

Aki's backside was almost too tempting to release, but he realized quickly that he couldn't do much; some clothing had to go. That decided, Ueno regretfully pulled his hand free and gripping Aki's hip, gently urged his boyfriend back, just a little, to work a hand in between their bodies.

Barely audible over labored breathing was the click of metal as Ueno undid Aki's belt, freeing the prong from its eyelet and jerking the leather end from the buckle. It took a few more seconds to pop open the button, but the zipper seemed to recognize Ueno's urgency and slid down easily at his tugging. With more room to work, a hand was free to bury itself in Aki's hair while the other resumed its earlier post, gently squeezing.

A warm puff of air against his skin accompanied Aki's whispering of his name, the vibration jolting him more than he thought possible, and then he arched, the stretch forcing their midsections together solidly. He winced as the metal prong jabbed his abdomen. Ueno hurriedly separated their bodies again, shoving Aki's jeans and shorts roughly down his thighs. Aki was so sweetly cooperative, rising up straight and resting a hand on each of his boyfriend's shoulders for balance while Ueno set to working one leg free, and then the other.

They joined again, aided by Ueno's insistent pressing. He strained upward while using his hand to pull Aki down forcibly, almost choking on a gasp at another current that passed through him. His hands moved on their own; he slid his fingertips along Aki's calf, caressed and gripped the back of Aki's thighs, kneaded his buttocks. His upper half was chaste, however; while Ueno handled him firmly, gentle cheek nuzzling ensued from above.

Then, dimly, he heard his name again, no more hearty than a breath, more vibration than vocalization. Ueno turned his head, and Aki was ready for him. Their lips came together with all the gentleness of a train wreck, somehow perfect. If foreplay was this much fun, the sensation so satisfying, how did people keep from losing it- both emotionally and physically- long enough to have actual, organized sex? Tentative discussions, suggestive glances, and daydreaming hadn't prepared him for the emotion, thudding heartbeat, and blood madly coursing through his extremities. He wondered if Aki felt the same, but quickly dismissed the speculation; Aki had been through too much, seen and experienced too much already to see their coming together with the same wide-eyed wonder. He must be jaded to some extent.

The thought was a sobering one, causing Ueno to halt in mid-caress, lips going slack, momentarily and effectively distracted. Immediately, Aki froze above him, pulling back. "Ueno?"

Ueno fought to catch his breath and speak, though once he did he'd never be able to tell Aki what was on his mind. It was impossible, not without sounding like a sophomoric, virginal fool. Aki most likely had no belief in Ueno's own puritanical expectations after all that he'd seen in his life; why was Ueno stymied by the lack of one? His brooding, when put into words, could obliterate a wet dream, and he didn't wish that on either of them, especially right then. What was wrong with him? He was stressing, and becoming fast irritated with it, thus laboring over his thought processes even further.

Aki wasn't up for it. Ueno was suddenly nose-to-nose with the other man, and his boyfriend's eyes were anything but gentle. He glared into Ueno's eyes, conveying his warning well.

Cool, slender fingers held Ueno's face steady, and Aki stared right into him, _through_ him, calling him out of his self-castigation, refocusing him, drawing his attention back to them and the moment he had potentially ruined. "Don't _do_ it. Worrying about anyone else, thinking about your lab calculations, guy-on-guy etiquette, homeless kitties, harmful ultraviolet rays, whether or not you took out the garbage, endangered wildlife; _whatever_ it is, please don't think about it now. It can wait." His voice was a whisper, pleading. "Ueno, please."

Ueno hadn't intended to behave in a manner that would force Aki to baby him. Self-awareness kicked in. His cheeks went hot with embarrassment. Staring into Aki's eyes, he pondered his position. He was half lying in bed, Aki situated between his legs, soft and indulgent, and up until he'd let his brain run free and unchecked, they'd been proceeding so well, approaching a delightful and much anticipated culmination. He certainly had the killjoy role down pat.

He wanted Aki, and Aki, if his actions were at all telling, desired him. Why was it in his nature to constantly erect barriers with foundations born of insecurity? How come he couldn't simply _accept_? What guy in their right mind did everything in their power to put a halt to something like this?

Come to think of it, this was Ueno's way. In everything. He was excessive. He behaved in this manner daily, whether it be-

He mentally shook himself. _Quit it._ He didn't want to go there, and nor did the warm, gorgeous, aroused man holding him. Moreover, it wasn't the _time_ to go there.

Ueno made up his mind then and there to stop thinking, to give in to instinct, to no longer allow himself to be the hurdle that had to be bested before they could move along in their relationship. It was scary not knowing which way was up, but also thrilling. If he couldn't do that with Aki, who he loved to distraction, then who else? There was no one else- not a single, living soul- who would understand, who would help him through his embarrassment and misgivings. Aki loved him; he and Ueno could cross this line together with one another's assistance. They bested everything problematic; that's what they _did_. Why not this? They would keep growing together, and one day the anxiety and apprehension he experienced today would be something they laughed about together.

Confidence flared.

He blinked to bring his eyes into focus, drew in a deep breath, and nodded. Along with his reservations and tendency toward caution, Ueno was his own worst enemy. He had to send that statement into the past, starting right then. Ueno was done holding them back from the primal, the natural, and the beautiful.

It was their time. It had _been_ their time for a while now.

Ueno raised his own hand, cupping the back of Aki's neck and whispering to him. "Yeah."

Of all acts of bravery, Ueno had never plunged his tongue into another's mouth as deeply as he did then, never ran his fingers over another's body as wantonly as he did then, never drawn out such a shuddering moan in another human being as he did then. Aki fairly liquefied in Ueno's arms, fitting into the circle of them so perfectly.

Ueno disregarded any standard of gentleness; with urgent hands, he whipped Aki's top upward, jerking it over his head before wrapping an arm around Aki's torso, holding him steady. His other hand drifted downward, resting on one of his boyfriend's calves and he met his Aki's questioning gaze. The look vanished almost immediately and Aki's lips curved upward, his expression strangely shy, compliant as Ueno urged him to move one leg and then the other, so that they were now outside of Ueno's, hugging them nice and snug.

That done, he maintained eye contact while he slowly ran his fingers up and down Aki's sides, the caress light enough to solicit visible shivering in Aki's frame. Oddly enough, because he'd never questioned his ability as a lover so much with others, it blew Ueno's mind to know that _he_ could reduce Aki to pants and moans, cause those gorgeous, beguiling eyes to go foggy and lurid. It was funny how this little snow angel, in all his lush, cool paleness, had eyes that were such a color that inspired the image of flames. Fire and ice; that pretty much summed his boyfriend up, and at the moment, that fire was all centered on Ueno; it was _for_ Ueno.

His thoughts ran away from him again, though no longer negative or self-demeaning.

The _why_ continued to floor him; Aki loved him. He knew it, was positive it was true- intellectually. It was there in Aki's gaze, and always in his words, though he had never been never sure of what he had to offer Aki that no one else could. He was clean, healthy and hardworking, he supposed, but where was the allure in that? What about an understanding guy that made sure his boyfriend ate square meals, woke up on time for class, and acted as a soundboard, fed the kitties, and acted as the voice of reason, was at all exciting, made him more than simply a parental-type figure? How did that inspire lust? With those thoughts in mind, the difficult part had always been behaving as if he was secure in the knowledge that he'd secured Aki's affections. It had never shaken him like this before. Being the recipient of Aki's love- this was it.

 _This was it._ Not one of his girlfriends had been made for him. None of them had filled him with such violent giddiness, fear and confusion, sometimes seconds apart, sometimes concurrent. He'd never run around work, worrying about whether or not a girlfriend had eaten a healthy, balanced dinner that night. He'd reclined next to a girl in the aftermath of sex, both of them fighting the call of sleep, eventually giving up and sharing a bed. But never, ever had he slept next to one of them for the sole purpose of sharing a resting place, because the thought of parting distressed them both. He had never planned to wake up next to her so that they could begin another day together. He'd never lounged on his side, wanting nothing more than to delight in the tranquility of a sleeping face, examining a nose, following every twitch of a lip, or hearing the other breathe. Never had he lay in anticipation of the slow raising of eyelids, of the subsequent _good morning_ smile from girls that for some reason at this very moment, lost their names and past importance in his life.

Suddenly, the words were there, on the tip of his tongue, though ill-timed. This wasn't the proper moment for a grand declaration of love. He'd have plenty of time later to tell Aki how much he meant to him, how the mere sight of the other man filled him with sensation and adoration, how he'd never loved another with this fervor, intensity and passion in his short life. That is, if he could get the words out without blushing. Not that Aki would care about his embarrassment.

He watched as Aki drew away, scooting backward before sinking down, resting on Ueno's thighs. Aki raised both arms, molding his palms to Ueno's chest and pushing almost insistently. Ueno took the not-so-subtle hint, inching his rear forward and leaning back until his head hit the pillow.

Ueno heaved a sigh and then lifted his eyes, gazing into his boyfriend's. His hands crept up, starting at Aki's forearms and working their way upward, gliding over his shoulders and up his neck, until he was able to cup those pale, glowing cheeks in his palms. He applied pressure, drawing Aki's face in, urgency fading for a moment. Aki allowed it, his chest dropping to Ueno's, resting the remainder of his weight on his forearms, the weight both exhilarating and comforting.

Ueno was gentle, patient as their faces met, nose-to-nose very briefly, as the kiss landed. His fingers buried themselves in Aki's hair, while he moved his lips to Aki's cheek, traversing to the skin underneath his ear, worrying at the smooth flesh, enjoying a slight saltiness, pausing to inhale Aki's heady scent.

And then, sometime in him clicked. He needed Aki underneath him. His fingers itched to caress, and his lips longed to explore. In opposition to what his body told him, he wanted to do these things at his own leisure, and before Aki had him tumbling past the point of no return.

Propelling his body into motion, he heaved himself upward while Aki backed up, startled. Ueno wasted no time, reaching out with both arms, hands grabbing at Aki's midsection and unceremoniously, twisting his own body in the process, tossing Aki onto the bed.

His boyfriend landed on his back, eyes wide with surprise, as Ueno descended. His bare legs came up of their own accord, knees pressed into Ueno's hips. He dropped, covering Aki's body with his own, nestling his face into the crook of Aki's neck. Ueno felt arms encircle his back, fingers pressing into his skin, almost painfully.

Ueno's hips moved on their own, thrusting rhythmically, Aki's fingers now digging into his back in response. He continued rocking, several times before he regained control of his body, realizing that while Aki, arched up against him, body drawn taut, was naked and glorious, Ueno still had clothing to remove. For this to go any further, he had to get up, at least for a moment, and get rid of his pants. He was more than ready to continue. They'd waited for so long, and Ueno had spent so much wasted time tiptoeing around the subject, denying them both. No more.

Steeling himself, he pressed his hands against the mattress, pushing himself backward. He busied himself scrabbling for the button and zipper of his jeans. It wasn't until he'd relieved the pressure and prepared to stand and tug down his clothing, that he spared a look at his boyfriend.

So lost in his thoughts as he had been, it had been hard to tell that Aki was no longer as caught up in the moment as Ueno was at first; the clawing and writhing could be interpreted as signs of arousal just as easily as they could have been of distress. Aki wasn't shouting or protesting, oddly enough, but the refusal was so obvious now, not to mention shocking, since he'd initiated this tryst in the first place. His eyes were wide, pupils huge, lips clenched tightly and trembling, body arthritic.

Even more concerning was that Aki didn't appear all there, as if mentally, he'd taken a fork in the road and moved to a location where Ueno, gentle caresses, and ease didn't dare travel. It was a place where Aki was driven to fight, though Ueno had no idea who or what Aki was attempting to protect himself from. He wasn't seeing Ueno, though his eyes were fixed on the darker man; Aki was staring straight _through_ him.

What was Aki going through?

Ueno had barely grasped the reality of the situation before his peripheral vision picked up a blur coming at him from the left, before the quickly following _crack_ that he both heard and felt, before pain blossomed in his cheekbone, before a frenzied wheezing sounded from beneath him, before Aki began flailing in earnest.

Deflecting blows wasn't a calculated decision, but he found himself doing just that. It wasn't until he caught Aki, his fingers gripping his boyfriend's thin wrist that he realized attempting to restrain Aki just might intensify his panic. Ueno hastily released him and scrambled to the foot of the bed before the loosed limb could re-connect. He wasn't necessarily frightened for his _own_ safety, even after being struck, but putting some distance between the two of them made the most sense. With panic came inhuman strength, and since Aki was indeed in a state of panic _and_ stronger than he normally revealed, backing away seemed far safer for both of them.

But, _jeez_ , it was killing him to keep his distance as Aki's wheezing intensified. He fought, bless him, to suck in an adequate quantity of air, but it didn't appear to be working. Was he choking?

"Aki?" Ueno tried whispering at first, and then spoke with urgency, hoping his words would reach the fairer some way. " _Aki_!" Seemingly from a distance, he heard his own voice, intense and high, thin and panicked, repeating his love's name with no result.

It hit him; he needed help. He'd call Mira, or Aki's father. No; they needed _real_ help. An ambulance could reach his apartment more quickly, and without the necessary explanation. Wait; why did it matter now? Aki was choking, so why should he worry about detailing what had taken place before Aki began to pani-

 _Where was the goddamned phone?_ Ueno quickly dismissed the previous thought and surveyed his small beside table. Nothing there; he must have left it in the other room. He propelled himself from the bed and through the doorway, scanning the table, floor, and then couch before he noticed his cell phone, partially hidden between the cushions.

He stumbled, almost biting it at least once before the phone was finally clenched in his hand. He darted back to his bedroom, and with fingers he hadn't realized were trembling until now, clamored to open the flip and begin dialing.

"Ue-" Ueno's name, cut off by a gasp, ripped him from his own frantic thought process, stilling his fingers. " _Ueno,_ please." The slender, pale digits of one hand worked their way up, first patting, and then clawing at a throat that, along with Aki's face, had quickly flushed. That beautiful face disappeared from his sight when Aki, moving his hand to his chest, rolled onto his side, knees drawn in, gasping in earnest.

He dropped the phone in his haste, leaping back onto his bed and scooting up behind his boyfriend. With no regard to his or Aki's safety at this point, almost mindless in his need to bring Aki back to him, he cuddled up behind the fairer man, arms wound around Aki's middle, fingers clenched at his belly.

Aki's bare body, uncharacteristically hot, quaked in Ueno's arms. Not questioning the action, Ueno heaved, hauling Aki into a kneeling position. Maintaining his hold, the words came, without his knowledge or urging. He spoke Aki's name, over and over, reminding his love that he was there. He buried his nose in Aki's nape, whispering, coaxing. He left Aki's arms free, to let him know he was under no one's control.

Ueno's agitated mind could only crank out two words. They came out repeatedly, whispered into the side of Aki's neck. "I'm here." His chest ached, unheeded for the most part, his heartbeat an echoing _whack_ within his ribcage. Startled to notice that _he_ was actually panting now, Ueno was even more surprised that once he'd noticed it, it also registered that Aki's labored breathing had begun to ease.

A head of thick, silvery hair, sodden with sweat, fell back and to the side, leaning heavily against Ueno's cheek. The slim, rigid body in his arms went slack, the energy to fight slipping away. As Ueno watched over his shoulder, Aki's hands dropped lifelessly, his arms resting his own.

Although singular, the broken cry that reached his ears propelled Ueno back into motion. He began to rock the body he held, resuming his murmuring. The trembling ebbed away, and he could feel Aki's relatively normal inhale and exhale against his own chest. He lifted one arm, his fingers finding the side of Aki's head and carding his fingers through the hair there.

The minutes, uncalculated, slipped by, until Aki rested, absolutely still, in Ueno's arms. Ueno briefly wondered if Aki had actually fallen into sleep from exhaustion or something of the sort. Then, suddenly, Aki went rigid again, and then ever so slightly, pulled away, craning his neck to observe Ueno for the first time.

A few moments passed while Aki, at least in Ueno's opinion, seemed to process that he was free, that he was in no imminent danger. Ueno swore he actually witnessed the exact instant Aki's eyes went from muddy to clear, reality suddenly returning.

Then, as soon as he seemed process the situation, he lurched into motion, ripping himself free and throwing himself forward. Separated, Ueno's fingers flexed, itching to reach out, but wisely he kept his hands to himself. What had happened? How was Aki hurting, and why?

Aki turned, jerking Ueno from his internal questioning, and their eyes met. Ueno stared back, swallowing hard, unsure of what to do, and even less sure of what to say or how to feel. Without thinking, he scooted backward, wary and mystified, as a transformation in Aki took place.

Aki, under Ueno's own gaze, observed him in obvious confusion, and then his eyes widened, darkening again. He noticed Aki focus somewhere on his face, most likely the area that Ueno was feeling begin to heat up, the skin tightening. He raised his hand to gingerly examine the area and winced, dropping his hand back to his side.

While never having been struck in the throes of passion, he had certainly been punched in the face more than once in the not-so-distant past, and, at least in the physical sense, this felt no different; there was the pain, and he was sure his cheek was red and beginning to swell. He should hurry and grab some ice to combat the effects, but he was unable to move, so oddly fascinated by Aki's expression, which at that point had transitioned.

His eyes had widened, appearing almost too big for the delicate features of his face and at once, Ueno understood how the adjective _bloodless_ could apply to a person. Aki's almost translucent skin was now ashen, emphasizing the panicked roundness of eyes, of trembling lips, of the sweat that once again began beading Aki's brow.

"Aki? A-are you-" Ueno stopped, mouth gaping when Aki shook himself free of his stupor, tumbling from the bed and bolting for the tiny bathroom. Ueno's heart lurched at the muffled sob that reached his ears before the door slammed, shutting out any further sound.

The door slammed. " _Aki_!"

 _Wow_ , the word that repeated itself in Ueno's mind, was a grossly understated reflection of his awe. He stared at the closed door, cheek throbbing, confusion and despair rising.

With their track record, he should have known better. Nothing was that easy for them.

 


	31. The Long Way Home

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

* * *

 

Ueno was a clean guy; for that, Aki was appreciative. He didn't carry gross habits, disliked dust and clutter, and washed his hands before and after doing _anything_. Ueno didn't spend much time here, given that his place of employment was also a location where the two of them could be together more conveniently, but Ueno's apartment was tidy and comforting.

Even so, Ueno's tiny, disinfected bathroom failed at serving as an ideal hangout. Aki wasn't unreasonably fastidious, but he would never have dreamed he'd seek solace on a tiled bathroom floor, no matter how squeaky clean Aki was sure it was. 

Wedged between a wall and the sink basin, however, Aki, for the time being, could not picture himself leaving it. Ueno was on the other side of the bathroom door, somewhere, full of questions. Plagued with confusion. Maybe anger, too. And Aki wouldn't have been able to blame him, even if he'd desired to do so. 

Still, despite being subjected to what could only have been interpreted as rejection along with a solid right hook to the jaw, Ueno was thoughtful and caring to a fault, gathering Aki's discarded clothing so that Aki could cover up. About a half hour previous, Ueno had knocked softly on the bathroom door and without waiting for an answer, quietly announced that Aki's clothes were on the other side of the door, and that he'd be staying in the living room. 

He had been so sweet, and when Aki had been fairly confident that Ueno had made himself scarce, he’d cracked open the door to find his clothing on the floor, neatly folded and stacked. Unfortunately, slipping into his clothing brought little comfort, if any at all. His thoughts lay strewn, and he was incapable of focusing on any one particular stressor long enough to make sense of it before moving on to the next. Too many emotions warred for dominance, and all Aki had been able to manage thus far was to be tossed along with each despairing thought, following them as long as his attention span would allow before he was drawn into another. 

Aki’s body wasn't faring much better. He sat down some time ago, the trembling in his knees sending him to the floor. He'd given up, his rear had hit the tile, and he'd been motionless since. His breathing was even. His body has ceased its shaking. His eyes were closed, which seemed to have helped somewhat. How, he had no idea. 

He knew it was time to venture outside the bathroom door and find Ueno. But the thought turned him physically ill. He couldn't give Ueno the answers he needed, not when he couldn't make sense of the situation himself. He couldn’t explain exactly what had come over him, what had taken control of his mind, removing it from the goal of consummating his relationship with Ueno and dropping him with an pronounced _plunk_ into the middle of a flashback. 

Even more disturbing was that he had no idea why the memory had inspired such horror. Why hadn't he been able to control his body or his head? What had robbed him of the ability to rise above it, to wrench himself from the recollection? How could one memory that hadn't affected him so profoundly since it actually occurred have numbed him to Ueno's presence and touch? 

Ueno had wrested him from the memory, but he was unable to determine exactly what had propelled him into it. 

There was too much going on. Aki wanted the time and isolation necessary to think. But first, he needed to rest. His eyelids felt gritty, his though process sluggish. Right now, he was incapable of making sense of anything. 

Ueno always made him feel better. His coddling, sweetness, and worrying always soothed Aki's nerves. When he felt at odds with life, Ueno's touch worked miracles. Separating from Ueno, whether it was for an entire day or even just a few hours, was never fun. In the short time they'd known one another, Aki had desired isolation and privacy, but never from Ueno. His boyfriend had been the exception, and Aki had assumed he would always remain so. 

But looking into Ueno's eyes right now would kill him, and Aki needed to know why he'd done what he had in order to explain it to Ueno. He needed to get away. Now. Completely. There was no way he could get his head together in Ueno's company- or anyone else's. Ueno couldn’t help him this time. 

When he'd been younger and going through whatever turmoil that presented itself to him at the time, he 'd resorted to balling himself up in his bedroom closet, whether it be at his uncle's apartment or his parents' home. The darkness and confining walls of those tiny enclosures had served to give him a smidgen of comfort; nothing could sneak up on him. As the jeans and tops teased at him from their hangers, brushing the top of his head, he'd felt surrounded, protected. The quiet space had always provided him the space to calm himself down, so that he could continue on. He needed that now. 

If he said he needed to leave, would Ueno understand? And even with that time, would Ueno accept what Aki had to say, whatever that happened to be? How angry was he? 

After all of the prodding, the suggestive glances and loose hands, it had come to this. Aki had initiated sex both in words and gesture. He'd suctioned himself to Ueno, moaned, begged his boyfriend not to stop, and worked them both up to a fever pitch. He'd anticipated that coming together more than words could express, predicting unicorns leaping over rainbows, glorious orange and pink sunsets, culminating in a perfect orgasm followed by passionate cuddling and kisses. 

Then he'd dumped a bucket of ice cold water over both of them. 

_I'm sick. I've got to be losing it._

Aki took a deep breath and then hauled himself to his feet. He couldn't stay in here all night, so despite his renewed tremors, he made it to the door. He grasped the handle, gave himself a moment, and turned it, pushing the door open that separated him from the dim bedroom. 

As Ueno had promised, the area was empty. The bedside lamp was on, casting a small amount of light into the room. With that light, Aki could see that the room was vacated, bed remade, discarded clothing removed from the floor. 

The bedroom wasn't large; a few steps took him to the opening that separated the bedroom from the rest of the apartment. A sick fascination came to him a scant second before he turned the next handle, of what reception he would receive when he opened the door. It accompanied a sudden haste to get the inevitable over with, whatever the outcome. 

His boyfriend looked pitiful, if Aki did say so himself. Seated on a far end of the couch, lower half of his body covered with a spare blanket and pillow propped against his back, Ueno appeared to be staring at nothing. Aki had halfway expected Ueno to at least look up in acknowledgement of Aki's entrance, but his body and eyes remained rigid, fixed. 

Bare feet carried Aki across the floor, and to the couch. He sank down onto the cushions of the opposite end, unsure if he should break the silence. If he was the one to talk, where exactly should he begin? Where was the beginning, anyway?   

_It made sense to learn how to size up any individual; Aki had figured that out quickly enough. Assessments based on appearance and mannerisms weren't foolproof, but in these particular situations, they typically worked in Aki's favor. It wasn't as if he had ample time to get to know his partners. At the most, Aki was lucky to have a couple of minutes. These situations didn't call for questioning or explanation; there was no time, and the wrong words scared men directly out the front door._

_Unofficial visiting hours were nearly over; it was almost five. Provided his master has nothing left to ask of Aki, he'd waste a few hours reading or mindlessly observing evening television before going to sleep early. These days his master barely interacted with him excluding the occasional taunt, so once he returned home and released Aki from his bonds, he would most likely have the evening to himself. It was soggy outside and dreary inside; burrowing under his blankets was sometimes his only comfort, and the solitude he experienced warm and snug in his bedroom was drastically different from the type he experienced cuffed in a closet._

_Regardless, solitude of any type was beginning to get to him. Never a daydreamer before moving in with Uncle Hide, Aki found that often now, he'd shaken himself from a random fantasy, dismissing any yearnings. He had no right to dream. He was in this upscale apartment, effectively captive as a result of his own actions-or lack of. Free time was dangerous, a threat to his mental stability._

_And these days, his sanity was always in question._

_That lack of interaction with his master was fine with him. He never really questioned the decline of personal interest his uncle had in him; if given the choice to be dicked by either a total stranger or his uncle, he'd bend over for a newcomer each and every time. To be honest, his uncle wasn't the best at fucking these days, contrary to his own belief sometimes - Aki had definitely noticed- and if the attempt was unsuccessful, his master's good spirits plummeted. Fast._

_Anyway, his situation wasn't going to go away without some action on his part. Before he got his peace and quiet, business called, of course. His workday wasn't through._

_He ignored the name tag pinned to the guy's white polo top, tucked neatly into loose, khaki pants; it was always preferable for Aki to remain ignorant of any snippets that personalized the individual, gave them any depth. He didn't want to get to know the guy, didn't want to be able to match a name with a face if he didn't have to._

_Aki supposed the man probably got_ off _frequently, but didn't get_ laid _too often; a good two minutes of sucking should loosen him up. Another ten minutes, if that, of actual penetration should bring things to a predictable close._

_He thwarted a sigh before it emerged. Aki, given his situation, figured he was allowed to pass judgment. It was one of the few freedoms he was granted in his existence. This guy looked like the type to be teased relentlessly as a child, temper tantrums diffused with carbohydrates. While on the pudgy side but too small to be considered fat, the man appeared to lack strength, body composed of more flab than muscle.  
_

_But that was just Aki's gut assumption. So long as he was passing judgment, though, he made another call; this guy, like most of the men Aki came into contact with, was straight but would be easy enough to at least confuse. It wouldn’t matter; A few minutes of fevered sucking would make him less mindful of his sexual preference.  
_

_Besides that, Aki was willing to bet money that the man hadn't had much sexual experience, if any, unless the guy's own sweaty palm counted as a partner._

_Aki allowed himself a few more moments of speculation. How high was the probability that he was a diligent, devoted addition to society, making house calls as he had that day, while whittling away his free time in his tiny apartment hunched over a computer desk, headphones plugged in to disguise the grunts and moans of internet porn that no one else was actually around to hear?  
_

_Pretty high. He wasn't one of those fearless, respectable pud pullers who felt free to lounge around in bed, bottoms completely removed and tossed to the floor, legs spread, with a box of tissue on their right side and a bowl of strawberries on their left.  
_

Like I'm fit to be the judge of anyone. _Aki mentally shook himself off and considered the task at hand. The sooner he got down to business, the sooner he could send the hapless visitor on his way.  
_

_"U-Uh, I-"  
_

_The guy had something to say- or ask.  
_

_"Hello," Aki greeted him quietly. The guy's first concern would be for Aki's safety, which would fall quickly by the wayside. His next dilemma would be whether or not to run.  
_

_Aki hadn't moved from his initial pose, which was on his side in a fetal position; it made him appear harmless and most important of all, vulnerable. The key to keeping his visitors from making a run for it was to keep his volume low, words simple, and refrain from divulging too much information.  
_

_He pressed both of his palms to the floor, pushing off to rise and slide into a sitting position. Aki had been doing this kind of thing in cuffs long enough that his movements were as graceful as those of one unhindered.  
_

_"H-h.." The guy returned. He turned his head, looking nervously into the living room behind him. "A-are you- uh, a-a h-"  
_

_"A hostage? I wouldn't say that." Aki lifted his arms high, back arched in a long, satisfying stretch. "Not exactly, anyway. What brings you here?"  
_

_The guy swallowed hard. "H-h… hardware installation."  
_

_Aki bit back a genuine smile born from amusement. The guy was serious; that explanation was no sexual innuendo. He raised his knees, which was trickier than moving to a kneeling pose, since his lower half was hindered by bindings that encircled his ankles, calves, and thighs. Sitting in that position would have felt natural, if he'd had the ability to part his legs at the knees a bit. He had to make do, though, pulling his legs to his chest and circling his arms around his knees.  
_

_The benefit of that position was two-fold; it gave the illusion that he was attempting to hide his nakedness a bit, while doing quite the opposite, providing a small glimpse of his most intimate areas, provided the guy looked down.  
_

_He did, though he immediately raised his head as if jerked.  
_

_"So, you came to work on a computer?"  
_

_"Ah… yeah. I- I um." The man coughed. "House call. My boss told me that it had been pre-arranged by e-mail and the customer was out all day on business, but that he would be in sometime this afternoon. Since we don't do any kind of billing and we have no idea what to charge before the job is done, I was supposed to wait around for payment after I finished."  
_

_"Oh." Aki glanced off to the side, apparently deep in thought. "The homeowner won't be back for a while. If you're not permitted to leave without payment for your services, maybe you'd like to keep me company. Would that be acceptable? At the very least, you won't get bored waiting for your money."  
_

_It didn't matter. Once Aki finished with him, waiting around for monetary compensation would be forgotten in the panic, the need to get out as soon as possible by any means necessary. Besides, it wasn't like his master had any intention of paying, and the mentioned computer wasn't personally his. He would never allow anyone to mess with his actual computer or view any of his files. Aki could just imagine the conversation between boss and subordinate; the fudged explanation of why no payment had been collected. As if he'd be able to divulge the truth. He'd likely be fired.  
_

_"I.." The guy cleared his throat again. "I can wait in the living room."  
_

_The house guest clearly hadn't fully processed the situation curled up in front of him, and obviously didn't understand that he'd most definitely been had. And he had no idea what was coming.  
_

_Aki's services didn't include briefing. As such, he offered none, merely shifting where he sat. "These are a bit restrictive, don't you think?" He gestured, with his head, to his bindings. "I don't suppose you could give me a hand?"  
_

_He could undo the bindings on his own, but it was problematic and time consuming. He'd have to get his hands around the underside of his knees, and even then, with the cuffs in place and more snug than standard, his palms would face downward so his hands weren't in the proper position to work at his bindings. Besides, the assistance provided the stranger with his first feel; he wouldn't be able to work without some contact with Aki's skin.  
_

_The stranger swallowed. Hard.  
_

_Aki lifted his arms. "The bindings aren't too complicated; they're just hard to get at by myself. See?"  
_

_The point of restricting Aki was mostly for show. He could and had gotten himself free, though the cuffs were impossible to remove without a key. That task always had to wait for the return of his master._

_Without another word from that gaping mouth, the dark-haired stranger moved forward._

_And the tantalization commenced. The man would either have to hunker down to get the job done, or Aki would have to lift his legs, unless the computer whiz wished to fumble around down there without the aid of vision. Both options gave the stranger a better view.  
_

_Aki carefully balanced himself; no small feat without the aid of his hands, and lifted his knees. "Start with my ankles. The buckles are easy to undo. The others can just be untied."  
_

_His guest didn't reply, getting down to business. Aki could feel the trembling of his fingers as he released the first buckle, then the second and third, until they were all open.  
_

_"Good job." Aki smiled. A little encouragement never hurt anyone. "Now my legs."  
_

_He took a deep breath before moving on, frowning. "I.. I c-cant really see what I'm doing."  
_

_"Oh, no. Would it help if I lie down?"  
_

_"Prob-probably."  
_

_Aki lowered his feet back to the floor, and slowly reclined until he was on his back, and then raised his legs.  
_

_And in doing so, Aki gave the man a full-on view. There was no ignoring that. Even flat on his back, Aki had no doubt his guest was now in a state of pure confusion, and possibly already in the beginning stages of arousal. Conditioned in the actions of the shameless, he felt no bashfulness or reservation in doing so. On the contrary, he thrilled a little at the discomfort that he was sure to be causing.  
_

_Aki heard a heaving breath, and then the hands began working at the ropes determinedly, without any sort of plan or reasoning; he felt those scrabbling fingers accidentally scrape at his skin more than once before his legs fell open.  
_

_The relief Aki felt was real. He gave a sigh, maneuvering himself back to a sitting position, this time Indian fashion. "Thank you. I wasn't very comfortable. I'm sure you can imagine. You can't help me with my hands, I'm afraid, but I already feel better."  
_

_"Sure." He didn't stutter that time.  
_

_Ah, well. "So, do you have any ideas?"  
_

_"Huh?"  
_

_"Of how to pass the time. You've informed me that you're unable to leave just yet." Aki's tongue peeked out from between his lips, very briefly. "And I should thank you for your help, don't you think?"  
_

_"T-that's okay-"  
_

_"I can't pay you, but I can manage this, at least."  
_

_It was hard, moving from his seated position to kneeling, and then crouching, all the while inching closer to the stunned man in front of him without resembling a fish out of water. Aki managed well, though, as his profession dictated. Seconds later, Aki was situated properly, the man's legs spread open, Aki resting on his elbows between them.  
_

_From this point forth, everything else should be textbook. Aki hadn't even touched him, but the khaki-clad lump before him was stiffening; soon the material would be stretched over the man's progressing erection.  
_

_He remedied that soon enough, patting the mass before he released the lone button and moved swiftly to the tab of the zipper, easing it down and parting the material. He hooked a finger into the waistband of the man's underwear, pulling it out and down, until the tip was in view.  
_

_It wasn't the prettiest cock he'd ever seen, and he'd seen some gorgeous ones in his short life, but the size is what had Aki amused. That, and the fact that his shorts bore a telltale dark spot, indicating that he was already aroused, and probably had been for a good few minutes, before Aki had even put on the heat.  
_

_Then again, the smaller the cock, the easier the ride. It wasn't as it Aki had any lubrication to make insertion any easier, so some would consider this a blessing.  
_

_Okay. Aki had no clock to use as a counter, but he was usually accurate in his timing anyway. What time estimate had he given the guy? Two minutes?  
_

_He began to count backward from one-hundred and twenty, urging the band of the man's shorts down and applying a light kiss- most of them liked that- before dipping his head to slide the tip between his lips.  
_

_Aki had expected some panting or possibly a moan, and definitely a shout of surprise. When he heard none of these, he raised his eyes. What he saw was blinding.  
_

_Zero to sixty.  
_

_The guy was paying attention, but he appeared farther gone than most of his customers, and much sooner than normal. His expression didn't reflect any shock, fear, or trepidation, quite the switch from scant minutes earlier. The man was_ broadcasting _arousal. His eyelids were shuttered, his hands braced on the floor behind him, as if he was well aware of what was to occur and_ welcoming _it.  
_

_Aki fought to keep his expression neutral. That was odd, but at least he wouldn’t have to give the guy any kind of warning or words of comfort. This had the potential to go more quickly than he planned.  
_

_He quickly lowered his head again, starting with short swipes of his tongue, each followed with a caress of the lips.  
_

_Ninety-eight… ninety-seven…  
_

_It always took a few moments before Aki fully settled into an appropriate headspace. In it, his counter continued to operate and he was still able to process what he saw and heard, thus possessing the ability to perform at his optimum level. It was almost science. He found it easier to function this way; he shut everything else out. It was a necessary skill; conscience, reservation, fear, revulsion, body odor of his partner, offensive tastes and textures never entered, so it wasn't necessary to work around them. The most repulsive man and the most fit and attractive were both equally screw-worthy here.  
_

_Aki had just gotten into the groove, already having wrapped his lips around the head of the man's unimpressive anatomy with a good seventy-eight seconds left on the clock, when his ears picked up something.  
_

_Sighs were okay with Aki, as well as incoherent moaning. What startled him from his mental refuge was the man's grunted approval. He nearly spit out the throbbing erection from his lips.  
_

_"Nngh. That's good."  
_

_Aki continued on, hoping that would be the end of it, but the man spoke again.  
_

_"Oh.. Good boy."  
_

_Aki quirked a brow._ Shut up. Just shut up. _He most certainly was_ not _a good boy, and he didn't need or want the encouragement. Aki hated any sultry dialogue that took place during acts of sex; a good_ yeah, you little slut _was fine and fitting, but anything hedging toward affection or like was completely out of the question. That stupid crap was for lovers, not clients.  
_

_He never had the chance to go any further.  
_

_The man scooted backward, his erection slipping free of Aki's mouth and panting, he moved to his knees.  
_

_Aki’s scalp began to itch, much like it did normally when a situation transitioned to downright creepy. He had to get this guy back on his ass so Aki could get back to business. He didn’t get paid for this shit, after all.  
_

_“Relax, okay? I’ll take care of-“  
_

_Aki was grabbed by his shoulders, lifted first to a sitting position and then shoved backward. Unable to use his hands to seek any balance, his back hit the carpeted floor and his breath was released with a_ whoosh. _  
_

_Before he had a chance to recover from the reversal of power, let alone get in another mouthful of air, he was trapped beneath a heavy, warm mass.  
_

_Moist, clammy hands were everywhere, forcefully gripping Aki's side, pinching at his nipples, and eventually one slithered down his belly to roughly grab at the sensitive flesh between his legs, pumping at his limp member hard and fast. It hurt, and Aki grunted his distress, the reaction ripped from him.  
_

_Aki stared at the man hovering over him, unable to even glare properly in indignation, parting his lips to command the presumptuous stranger to_ stop _, to let him go, and got as far as inhaling before the man descended.  
_

_There were no written rules as to how an encounter such as this one should proceed. Aki had never once considered that there should be.  
_

_Kissing was atypical, though. He never initiated any lip locks, nor did he anticipate any of his visitors doing so. Furthermore, could this could be called kissing? The guy mashed their lips together with frightening ferocity. He sucked Aki's lower lip into his own mouth-hard- and tugged at it with his teeth. A hand worked its way between the back of Aki's head and the floor, fingers locking into place and forcing him upward at the neck.  
_

_Those lips stayed busy. A tongue protruded, lapping at Aki's chin and cheeks. A random swipe even got him on the nose before the guy returned to Aki's mouth, worming his tongue between Aki's parted lips. His roaming hand abandoned Aki's abused flesh and resting on him fully, he began to thrust vigorously.  
_

_The zipper of his pants, still mostly in place, rasped over Aki's skin, and the alarm in his mind finally engaged, fight or flight mode activated.  
_

_Well, sort of. His spirit was willing, but his body refused to obey. Voluntary limbs remained pliant, easily manipulated by his visitor, but they were so heavy, and he couldn't for the life of him make them move on his own. Aki still understood implicitly what he_ should _do; bite at the other man's tongue or lips, struggle, kick him between his legs, scream, make an attempt at rolling away, but nothing worked anymore. How could he even know that Aki wanted him to stop if he couldn't even express his distress?  
_

_Mister Computer Whiz became a wet blur.  
_

_His throat closed up, and even when the man pulled away for air, Aki was unable to draw in a good breath of his own. His chest heaved as he struggled to bring air into his lungs, choking and gasping, tears gliding steadily from the corners of his eyes and over his temples.  
_

_All activity ceased; the brutal thrusting, the roaming hands, the kissing.  
_

_Aki tried again, air flooding his throat and lungs. As he gasped frantically, spurred forth by the scant bit of air he'd obtained, the man pushed himself up, staring down at Aki in confusion.  
_

_All at once, he seemed to come back to his senses as he witnessed Aki struggling to breathe, tears saturating his cheeks, trembling violently.  
_

_"Oh my_ God _." The man leapt to his feet, fingers working crazily with his button and zipper. "Are you-"  
_

_"Ugh." A halfhearted gurgle was all Aki could manage before he began to gasp in earnest.  
_

_That was all the man needed. He tore out of the open closet door, and seconds later, Aki heard a door slam.  
_

_Aki, miraculously able to move now, rolled to his side, head spinning, and stomach churning. The little bit of control he'd been able to hold on to since moving in with his uncle-he'd lost it. That chubby, unsuspecting, sweaty, virginal geek had it, whether he'd known or not. He couldn't lose_ that _; that little smidgen of control over his visitors was all he had. His head still full, he wondered what had gone wrong. His sensitive skin was sore, particularly his inner thighs and groin, as well as his back. He was reluctant to try to move again. He stayed where he was, bringing his breathing under control and waiting for the tremors to stop.  
_

_They didn't. Not for a while, anyway. They stayed with him while he lay prone, spit and tears drying on his cheeks, until his time alone was interrupted. He clamped his eyes shut, his fingers balling up into fists involuntarily._ Why am I here? Who- or what- hates me? 

_The slamming of the front door and then muted footfalls registered faintly in his ear; Uncle Hide was home. As if he'd been far away to begin with. He'd been close by, waiting for the other guy to make his exit before entering. Would Uncle have let the man go all the way in that fashion, had he not gotten frightened and fled?_

_Anger flared, but Aki didn't rise. There wasn't any reason to. He could easily remain in his current position while he fielded his uncle's questions and the random taunt. Any question or comment voiced in an angry manner toward his uncle would either ignored or garner punishment. Keeping his trap shut would bring about the most favorable result, sadly. He'd come to expect some combination of smug ribbing and harsh words of criticism regarding the way he handled his charges. On a good day, Aki could still look forward to ridicule, and since this tryst hadn't gone well…_

_He wouldn't disappoint his master any further. This was bad enough. Aki's feelings, his pain, his tears, held no value. Never had.  
_

_Aki raised his eyelids to slits and observed the doorway, his vision partially shuttered by lashes. His uncle filled the door frame, but Aki couldn't make out his face clearly, couldn't determine his exact mood. He would be cautious to avoid further physical aggravation but today, he found himself caring less than usual. All he wanted was to shoulder the negativity long enough to satisfy his uncle and take stock of his senses. No doubt, tomorrow might be more of the same, and for the first time in a long while, Aki thought of the following day with trepidation. He wanted to ask, to find out if he'd be blessed enough to be left alone, but it was smarter to say nothing._

_Dimness disappeared as the doorway again allowed light to flood into the room. His uncle was approaching him. There was nothing. Strangely enough, his uncle simply produced a key before expertly unlocking and removing Aki's cuffs. When Aki made no move to rise, Uncle Hide stooped, lifting Aki into his arms as if he were an infant, and carrying him into the washroom.  
_

_He was deposited a bathroom stool and left to his own devices while his uncle busied himself. Detached, Aki watched him engage the wall spigot, wondering when the teasing would begin, more alarmed at the lack of it than he would have been if his uncle had ripped into him.  
_

_Aki was limp and docile the remainder of the evening, remaining still through his second shock of the day; his uncle scrubbing his body and hair clean before drawing him a bath. He didn’t feel Uncle Hide’s fingers sliding through his damp hair, didn’t hear his voice. Aki could only fixate on his uncle’s expression; his lips were pressed together, dark head shaking in consternation. The man was pissed but for once, Aki got the feeling his anger was directed elsewhere.  
_

_Still, Uncle Hide’s hands were gentle and considerate, such a startling difference that Aki couldn’t relax in the slightest. Those hands patted his body dry, blotted all of the excess water from his hair and restored it to order. His uncle prepared him for sleep; he was wrapped up in silk sleeping attire that covered him from neck to ankle, and pushed onto the bed while his uncle kneeled before him, urging socks over his slender feet, snowy in spite of his warm bath.  
_

_Uncle Hide didn’t mention dinner but that was fine; Aki’s stomach, in knots, couldn’t have handled food. He was expected to go to bed, and Aki had no objection. The sun hadn’t begun to set, but Aki didn’t mind; he’d try._

_Strange was the analogy of the body as a temple. Aki had made it through the years with no such feeling and regard for his own flesh and bones. Never considered that what was inflicted on his skin sunk through it, into his soul; if he had, there would have been no possible way for him to perform, though most of his visitors didn’t take the liberty of excessively touching him. Maybe that was_ why _Aki had never paid much attention, never claimed such ownership over his body and the rights it held. Even as a child, when Uncle Hide first expressed a sexual interest in him, Aki had no such concept in mind; all he'd known was that he didn't like the physical attention, but that he could endure it._

_For the first time in a while, he allowed himself to reminisce. Mira never forced himself on Aki. Still, their coming together physically hadn't provided Aki with any sort of relief, any comfort. The only pleasurable aspect of that relationship was that Mira never sought to hurt him, pulling back if Aki hadn't done such a hot job of appearing eager._

_A confused, overeager stranger had been a catalyst, causing a wave of consciousness to surge forth, the turbulent waters easing and crashing from one end of his brain to the other. He didn't want this anymore. At all._

_Well, he'd never_ wanted _it. He'd tolerated it, but now he wasn't as confident that he'd be able to continue without losing his mind.  
_

_The urge to leave took him. And not the walking out the door sort of leaving. Sure, he’d considered it before, but without much conviction. He could wait until his uncle was out of town on a work assignment and run, but running to his family would mean confessing, if his uncle didn’t catch up to him before that.  It was moments like this when the only way out that occurred to him was to cease existing. He could manage that, as long as he was quick and smart enough. He could find supplies sufficient for fashioning a noose or snatch up a kitchen knife, hole up in the washroom, run a bath, and then-  
_

_No. Aki had always tossed around the possibility in his head, but had never tried. Something begged him to hold on. So, what choice did Aki have, other than to continue?_

_Aki went to bed that night significantly shaken, ego in tatters, confusion reigning supreme._

Ueno was still resting in the same position as Aki shook himself from the memory. 

Aki had now relived it twice in one night and he still had nothing to say. He needed to wrap his own head around the situation. The panic that seized him a good two hours ago had been as unexpected and startling for himself as it had for his Ueno. He'd never seen it coming, looking forward to this eventual encounter for weeks, convinced that it would go off without a hitch. The anticipation had been frustrating while also delicious, and the knowledge that the culmination of both his and Ueno's longing had resulted in _this_ left him completely empty, abruptly deflated and defeated. 

Aki, in his past years with his uncle, had kept his mouth shut and as such, surrendered control over his life, up to the point when he had finally told Uncle Hide off, gotten his cap knocked off, and had been tossed back into the world to fend for himself. Despite that, he'd always maintained control over his emotions and reactions with few exceptions. It was the very reason he'd been able to smile coyly in the faces of all of those strangers, and how he'd kept from descending into depression, of falling victim to a complete breakdown. 

He'd never, ever anticipated losing control of his senses, of his own mind, particularly during sex. He'd been proficient at it with strangers, so why not with Ueno, whom he treasured to the point of stupidy? Ueno was the one individual with whom Aki felt completely safe, whom he trusted without question. Why would he react that way with him, of all people? 

Aki’s heartbeat began to thunder. He took a deep breath, and then let it out. He repeated this action over and over, but that sense of impending doom wasn’t going anywhere. Even now, after he realized what had taken place, he still hadn't calmed down adequately. But at some point, he was going to have to speak. 

What was Ueno thinking right now? Was he hurt, angry, or both? Would he understand what had occurred better than Aki himself? He understood everything else. 

Aki spared a glance sideways, cautiously assessing the situation. His heart sank into his stomach. 

He hadn't given much thought to the fact that he had, two hours previous, socked his man in the face. How he'd forgotten was beyond him. Ueno's coloring was normal for the most part, save for the affected area, which held a slight flush. Luckily, he hadn't appeared to do lasting damage, though it might be too soon to tell. 

Aki rose to his feet and stepped toward the kitchen, where he unfolded clean a dish towel and dumped ice cubes into the middle, quickly fashioning an ice pack. He joined the ends of the towel, twisting them together and returning to the living area with his creation. He glanced briefly at the clumsily fashioned bundle in his hand, frowning at his attempt. His skills really were for shit. If Ueno had made this thing, it would have been the cutest, tidiest, most effective ice pack in the _history_ of first aid items. 

Ueno could do so much better than him. Some cute, sharp-minded girl with semi-long hair, quirky style, and a quick wit would be much easier to handle. Bonus points if she'd never been physically abused or mind-fucked in her short lifetime. 

Still riding out the thought process, Aki trudged back to the couch. This time around, he arranged himself on the middle cushion, leaning in to survey his boyfriend's cheek more closely, biting his lip after viewing the swelling. Aki lifted his arm and at the sound of ice cubes clinking together within the towel, Ueno stirred, lifting his head as if in a daze. 

Ueno's voice was hushed. "I got it." He moved to take the ice pack, and Aki drew back his arm. 

Aki shook his head, raising his hand again once Ueno drew back. "Let me." 

Ueno appeared frighteningly close to protesting, if his facial expression was any indication. Luckily, the words never came; he sat, rigid and tense, while Aki positioned himself comfortably. He remained still until Aki lifted the ice pack and applied it gently to his cheekbone, but unable to prevent his flinch once the cold pressure registered, and he gave a slight grimace, though he immediately stilled, folding his hands in his lap. 

"I hope it isn't bad enough to bruise." Aki whispered his hope unconsciously.  

"Mnn." Ueno agreed, just as quietly, eyes trained on an unknown object. 

Aki wasn't sure how much time passed as held his ice pack, made with love, to Ueno's cheekbone. However short, the deafening silence made it seem like forever. When the ice began to melt, a tiny trickle of water running from his palm to wrist, Aki reluctantly withdrew. "I'll make another one. I should have used a bag anyway…" 

"It's okay. It shouldn't be iced too long." 

Aki was alarmed at Ueno's voice, monotone, distant, as if he was speaking to a thought or memory. "Do you need something for pain?" 

"No." 

It wasn't until Aki had hopped up to dispose of the melting mass that Ueno seemed to focus. 

"Aki." 

Aki paused at the sink. "Yes? Do you need anything else?" 

Ueno shook his head, the movement slight. "I don't need anything. I'm sure you're tired." 

Aki's sighed but shook his head as well, resolutely. "I'm really not. I was hoping that we could-" 

"No.” 

"Ueno…” 

“I can’t." Ueno whispered his response. 

Initially, Aki had desired to be alone and allow the dust to settle before they hashed anything out. The urge had been forgotten quickly once he'd resolved to minister to his boyfriend, and though he hated to leave Ueno at a time like this without clearing up earlier happenings, it was probably best that he go home. "M-maybe I should go back to my apartment for now." 

Ueno nodded and leaned forward, lifting his cell phone from the low table. "I should call you a taxi." 

_Ouch._ Aki had bitten down on his lower lip so hard he imagined that he'd tasted blood. If not outright opposition or protest, Aki had at least expected an offer to see him home, not that having Ueno accompany him to the hotel only immediately go home alone would have been fair. If Ueno hadn't been upset, he probably would have anyway, though. 

Without another word, Aki headed for the bedroom to get his things. He hadn't packed much, just his toiletries, enough clothes for the weekend, and his homework. Still, he took his time getting ready. The less time they spent in the living room in awkward silence waiting for his ride, the better. 

Luckily, his wait time was next to nothing. He didn't touch Ueno before he left, more afraid of Ueno's reaction than anything else. If Ueno brushed him off, batted him away, or looked repulsed in any way, it would have been Aki's undoing. Two short hours ago, they'd been progressing toward the pinnacle of physical intimacy, and now a kiss on the cheek seemed risky. The rejection would push him over the edge, and he didn't need to add that disappointment to his working list of humiliating experiences. One for the night was enough. 

He only promised to call in the morning, and then out the door without looking back. It may have been callous and though his heart wanted to apologize for the hell he was putting them both through, Aki couldn't handle form the words. 

Interesting how he could feel like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, and experience intense relief simultaneously. How was that even possible? He busied himself pondering that fact while his cab widened the distance between the two of them. Aki couldn't help but think that his random thought regarding their increased distance had come to him for a reason. 

As the minutes passed, his breathing quickened. Shaking fingers came together, mingling until he was clutching at his own cold, stiff hands. Maybe he shouldn't have left. If he'd pushed his presence and refused to budge, Ueno wouldn’t have forced him out. 

Too late, he supposed. 

But he realized that he was of no use to either of them until he got his head together. All of a sudden, though, Aki couldn't stomach the idea of returning to his apartment alone. He did need some time to himself, but his place was too big, too empty to feel comfortable at this point. Ueno had become a permanent fixture in every room; it would be odd to return there without his significant other. The two of them in that cozy apartment with their kitties- that was Aki's family. 

"Right here is fine." 

Before Aki could question his own intent, he was asking the cab driver to stop the car.

After he'd paid and exited the vehicle, standing at the curb under a light patter of rain, his shoulders slumped. He'd been too anxious to sit in the taxi any longer, but where was he going to go? There wasn't much open at this hour. Had his subconscious been telling him to take a walk or to sit alone at a park, perhaps? Visit an arcade? Get something to eat? 

No. Aki's trembling returned. He knew exactly where he wanted to be right then. He didn't take the time to question his logic, and definitely didn't ponder why he didn't just instruct the taxi driver to reverse his direction. It didn't matter. A walk wouldn’t kill him. He was going there, to face the man who was his whole world, on foot, determined to find relief, to make himself heard, understood, and his pain extinguished.

He couldn't leave things as they were. If he wanted a resolution to his turmoil, he had to _make_ him listen, had to put his foot down. Aki needed his acceptance and his support. He needed to be understood before he could heal. 

Already, the rain drops were growing in size, increasing in size and frequency. Spurred on by threat of becoming waterlogged, he put his legs into motion. 

Never one to move with haste, Aki's quivering legs carried quickly him block after block, through intersections, past playgrounds and residential spots. He moved with purpose, until the complex he'd vowed to never set foot in again was in his sights. 

Aki had to vent. He ached to rage, bare his soul, and be heard. Now.


	32. The Long Way Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. This certainly took forever. I've lost track of how long I've agonized over this chapter. I started this fic a good 6-7 years ago, easily. I originally posted it elsewhere, and I'm sure you guys know where. I ended up pulling it due to harassment, but ultimately decided to re-post. Now, though, I've decided that I probably won't continue to post there, and keep it here instead. The first 31 chapters were pulled, and then when I decided to re-post them, I gave them an edit beforehand. Chapter 32 is the first new installment in quite a while. 
> 
> I couldn't stomach the idea of not finishing what I started. Over the years, I've agonized, written snippets and scenes, re-read the fic, re-watched the anime, re-read the manga, and moved things around, all because of the fact that due to the lag in writing, I felt so far removed from the characters and their situations. Also, this anime isn't all that popular; hits are few and far between. I'm definitely not comment driven, but it was hard to tell what people think of it due to the lack of them. Still, I have to finish it, because I have so many ideas, characters, and happenings in my head. I wanted to wait until I got a new chapter ready before I started posting notes, so here I am!
> 
> Finally, I have some character maps written, so we'll begin to see a bit more background information on Ueno and Aki. Ueno first, because I feel that the Ueno in my head is steadfast, loyal, and sweet, but not a total pushover. He has some secrets to reveal, and I plan to have fun bringing them out. Also, almost nothing is currently known about Ueno's family. Not to worry, though; they will be more visible. Aki's past self will also come to light; he's quiet, brooding, and prickly, but before he lost his way, he did have hobbies and a slightly different outlook on life. 
> 
> So now that chapter 32 has been posted, I feel a surge of motivation. Things will get worse before they get better, and worse again, even. But it will be concluded!
> 
> Thanks to those who have read the story, left kudos, and followed! <3
> 
> Wow.. and formatting with AO3 is going to take some getting used to. Again!

   
  
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The Long Way Home: Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing. 

 

Aki's newfound freedom, unpredictably, hadn't ended up amounting to much of anything. Perhaps his failure to adjust shouldn't have the overwhelming revelation that it had turned out to be.

He had a home, a boyfriend, a comrade or two, his parents, and a future. Finally. Liberation should have been enough for him to heal, to bring him peace. Sure, knowing that he had all of those luxuries brought him happiness, enough to make him temporarily disregard his memories and hurt but tonight, he'd been dealt a blow. Why wasn't the fact that he was no longer tethered to his old life enough to calm him, comfort him?

Even more baffling was that he was just now beginning to unravel. Weeks and weeks of peace had led him to believe that the worst was over and that all he'd have to do is manage his memories but at the moment, he felt just as lost as he had when he'd been trapped in Uncle Hide's domicile and truly alone in every sense of the word.

Aki stood, surrounded by darkness combated only by streetlights scattered with exact precision, hands fisted at his sides, clenched tightly enough to inspire cramping in his fingers. Nails digging into his palms, he ignored the pain, staring at the building across the street. If looks could kill, that whole damn building would have burst into flames by now.

_No distance is enough. It never will be, will it?_ He could take off to Brazil, hide in Russia. It wouldn't matter. Face-to-face or with hundreds of kilometers between them, he and Uncle Hide were always to be connected through their past.

Aki remained a prisoner. He realized that, after what had gone down with Ueno earlier in the night. Still, the realization made his insides drop, heated his cheeks, and robbed of the necessary vocabulary to put his emotions into words. The knowledge jolted him. Scars were a natural part of the healing process, but even the most unattractive of them eventually had to fade, to lighten, even if they never completely disappeared. How long would it take for his own to become less visible?

The worst period of his life had come to a close. His parents didn’t hate him. Mira didn't hate him. He was in love. Ueno wanted him around, loved him back, made a killer kimchi and seafood pancake, and cuddled like a dream. Ueno listened to him, accepted his past, and wielded a dexterous tongue that never failed in sending a tingle to Aki's toes. Dammit, the angst was supposed to over.

Or maybe, just maybe, he needed the closure necessary for his wounds to eventually scab over. Was that it?  They weren't exactly on the mend yet, perhaps. This was an unsettling realization, since Aki suspected the only way to get over this now was to go through _something_ with his uncle. But what? Hashing this out wasn't even a possibility, and never would be. There would be no sitting down over tea, nibbling at petit fours and coming to a conclusion; there was none to be reached. They both knew who was at fault, who would remain traumatized, and who didn't give a shit. Aki knew he'd be a fool to expect an apology or a word of concern.

There was no resolution for their relationship. So, apparently, no fix existed for Aki. No way to handle his past except to endlessly ponder and be tossed along with his memories. He was sick and tired of handling those memories, of managing his mindset, his words.

He was no longer physically trapped in the condominium that stood in his line of vision. He'd been dismissed- ejected, really- from that pristine, impersonal bedroom, out of that closet, no longer punished by his indecisiveness, his cowardice. No more days played out staring at barren walls, sadness and the wonderings of what-ifs being his only company until he was needed. He no longer had to live in a cage of immorality, emotional abuse, and the constant expectation of performance. But the blasted memories rushing over him were just as horrific.

Since leaving, he had been afforded countless luxuries, though they didn't appear to be enough. Under the bandages, he was raw and aching, desperate for closure, answers. Those gifts weren't enough anymore, probably had never been, but Aki had been too busy wallowing in his newfound happiness and good fortune to notice. Losing himself in the beautiful, delightful blessing otherwise called Ueno, his troubles had been temporarily forgotten. Cuddling and kissing had been a frothy wall made of spun sugar, sweet but weak and easily dissolved by the slightest of disturbances.

He was pursuing his education, something he hadn't held much interest in until now. Luckily, he was the son of a man who had a way with words and close acquaintances at the university. That, paired with the fact that Aki had already taken and passed his entrance exams in the not-so-distant past, had allowed him a late entrance, unorthodox of a practice as it actually was. Luck had been on his side.

His father, no questions asked, moved him into a luxury apartment, instead of insisting that Aki explain himself or return to his familial house. He supposed his father could have easily and justifiably demanded that Aki secure his own living arrangements. But no; Aki enjoyed his very own living space rent free, with its spacious bedroom, hospitable atmosphere, privacy, and all the perks that came with hotel dwelling. His cozy apartment was a major comfort, filled with stylish furniture and accessories. He had all of his basic necessities and items he'd bought himself, picked out on his own. Such an insignificant advantage to most, Aki had grown to appreciate that freedom. His personality was free to be displayed in every room, if that's what he desired. He could be himself there. He could come and go as he pleased. It was truly amazing.

He'd been forgiven by Mira- eventually- and held tentative relationships with his mother and father. Aki knew, deep down, that his parents would do anything and everything for him, if he'd ever remove the barrier necessary for a more loving, open relationship. Even when Aki himself resisted, his family continued to make countless attempts to wrest a smile from his lips, a laugh from his belly, and a sparkle from his eyes. Strangely, more now than ever, Aki wished to give them what they'd been silently begging for, but his face and body were always frozen, set in stone, his throat closed off. And he understood why now; his guilt kept the walls erected and impenetrable.

Smiles, embraces, and gentle gazes only came easily with a select few, not that his family members weren't deserving, at least fundamentally. He'd punished his parents for not discovering the truth buried under his denial and deceit. It wasn't fair, and he understood now. Now that it was too late to prevent the unthinkable, now that the unthinkable had already occurred and settled into the past.

Aki heaved a grand sigh, unconsciously rubbing at both of his arms in an attempt to fight off the cold. He'd been an idiot, forgetting his jacket. If only he could stand at the curb and castigate himself in comfort and warmth. If he ripped himself apart for all of his wrongdoings, he'd be out here a while.

There were Usagi and Pepper too. Aki had whittled away so many moments watching them exist, smiling inwardly at their antics, warmed in ways he couldn't explain. Happiness took him over every time he held one of them, whenever he waved around a toy and watched them lose their minds in glee. Protective instinct was always present when he shook out their food, or even refreshed their water dish. Something about those mundane, daily tasks gave him a sense of purpose he'd never felt before. It made Aki- a battered, dirty, discarded sex toy- certain that he had something to offer the world. A life continued and benefited from his actions.

If Ueno could follow his current train of thought, he'd snort and call Aki an idiot for sure. Ueno called Aki names like that often, though _idiot, dummy,_ and _stupid_ became endearments when tempered with Ueno's honeyed, gentle voice, dripping with absolute affection and mirth. He would never insult Aki intentionally.

Under normal circumstances, anyway.

Ueno had so many valid reasons to leave, numerous bullet points of negatives that could and _should_ justify him separating himself from Aki and his situations. He'd chosen to ignore them, or rather, blow past them as if they didn't matter or even exist. Perhaps Aki had been trying to follow Ueno's lead, taking pages from his book.

Ueno bore the brunt of loving Aki with a smile. Still, while resting in bed at night, Aki sometimes wondered when a life with these stressors would become too painful, too bothersome, and too heavy for Ueno. How much more weight before Ueno's knees buckled under the unreasonable load?

Aki had always been grateful. Their time together had never gotten old, mundane or routine. Ueno's arms around him always solicited a thrill. A simple, lopsided smile sometimes filled Aki with optimism and the incredulity that he was half of such a beautiful pairing, fate having sent him to such a precious existence. He rarely conveyed his sentiments to Ueno, partly to save Ueno from the embarrassment, but also because in less confident, darker moments, Aki was terrified that the vocalization of his good fortune and happiness would notify the powers that be, and having realized their error, his gift would be snatched away in an instant.

The idea hurt, almost a visceral pang. He could feel the eventuality that he'd feared now coming upon him. It was difficult to tell for sure, as the situation was in limbo, the conclusion elusive and unsure. Perhaps that's why he refused to answer his phone. So long as he didn't speak to Ueno, they were still technically in love, together, and happy, right? He'd possibly made the most terrible mistake ever by initiating sex with Ueno- at least at that point in time.

Aki longed for a do-over of this Saturday. He regretted his faulty judgment with the ferocity that logically accompanied hindsight. If he could take the night back, he'd remain by Ueno's side, happily and indefinitely celibate. Aki understood, standing there now, that while he had always desired his boyfriend and always would, his attempt had not been made with pure intentions.

Aki attempted to imagine his days from now on; puttering about his apartment, taking exams and writing papers, watching movies, shopping, walking to and from class- all without what had become his other half. A hollow sensation in his gut followed his musings.

_How would I last? I can't even go to sleep without him anymore…_

He'd live, of course. But how well, and in what state? Maybe Ueno would be fine without him, but Aki wouldn't be so lucky. A breath Aki had not realized he was holding puffed out from between his lips, propelled by the alarm that crept up and clenched him now. The reality of it all-

Aki shook himself free. He couldn’t stand out here all night like a fool reduced to tears that were now attempting to seep from the corners of his eyes. But now what? Should he drive his fist into the car at the curb? Barrel his way into the complex and use the same fist to pound at the door until his uncle answered? Was he even home?

If his uncle even answered, then what? How could Aki communicate with a grown man with his uncle’s sort of mentality, power, and sense of entitlement? How could Aki teach a lesson to someone who simply didn't give a fuck? What Aki had wanted, feared, and needed hadn't been of any significance to Uncle Hide before. How would _anything_ Aki had to say possibly get through? How could Aki even articulate what was running through his mind and heart when years of constant inner struggles hadn’t revealed the truth for himself? When and how would Aki even come to understand every way he was ruined? How could he make his uncle understand how completely screwed up his nephew had become?

How could he make Uncle Hide _care?_ The bastard had treated him like a _thing_ for years. And Aki was supposed to explain how his Uncle's behavior hurt, why raping his young nephew-a child who looked up to him and everything he did- was wrong?

And why did Aki even _need_ the man to know? He wasn't worth the trouble.

Still, Aki wanted to show his uncle everything, despite lacking any sort of trust in him. He wanted Uncle Hide to hurt as much as Aki had, needed him to understand. How his separation from his sister hurt him more than he'd ever shared, their loving relationship forever ruined. How he ached to open up more to his parents in general, but a brick wall built with misplaced anger and hurt prevented his steps forward. How being so fundamentally flawed made a simple, loving interaction between Ueno and his own niece put Aki into panic mode before he had even realized what was taking place.

While he’d wandered around alone, that particular realization had come, and it had temporarily filled him with such anger that his face had gone hot and the bottom dropped out of his stomach. Ueno’s niece, instinctively, would never expect harm to come to her. She, without understanding the reason or even what she was doing, trusted Ueno blindly, without question. She was safe sleeping in his arms. He wouldn't let her fall, would keep her warm and content, comfort her, would never allow an outsider to kill her spirit. She wouldn’t know any different. And her trust was well founded. Why? Because Ueno would sooner die before he brought her- anyone- to harm.

_Stupid realization. People don't fuck family- or children. As if I didn't already know that._

That realization wasn’t profound. To Ueno’s clan, cherishing family and catching them before they fell wasn’t an ideal; it was natural order, apparent in the way they’d all bustled around and continued functioning while Ueno rested on the floor, his niece blissfully slumbering on his chest. Hell, Ueno had barely reacted when it happened, save to make sure she was securely placed. A second glance shouldn’t be necessary.

The fact that such loving interaction between family members had Aki’s hair standing on end was the problem. It angered him the most. Maybe he should tell his uncle that.

So many accusations, woes, and questions that led to the whole of _why_ were at the tip of Aki's tongue, ready to be unleashed. Aki could inform his uncle that he was in love, and also loved by the most caring, compassionate, wonderful human being he’d ever met. Ueno was the only man Aki had ever willingly chosen and in some crazy, backward twist, Aki couldn’t do with him what he’d done for a year with nameless individuals. Nameless, _incalculable_ men. What sort of person could sleep with complete strangers and not the man he loved? A nut job, that's who.

How could Uncle Hide understand that his nephew was slowly ruining the individual he loved more than anyone he’d ever known? Or rather, why would he care? Could he comprehend how badly Aki disliked himself for doing it, while he didn’t understand how to stop it? While Ueno’s corruption continued, he’d no doubt keep trying to give Aki the comfort that he needed, while Aki was unable to give anything back but gratitude. Aki longed to take care of him too; the thought of Ueno losing his playful, diplomatic, understanding attitude made Aki sick to his stomach, but how was he to protect it, when his very presence was probably responsible for sucking his boyfriend dry?

He thought back to the time he'd seen Uncle Hide last; the same night he'd finally confided in Ueno and revealed the ugly truth. Ueno had soothed him completely, his mind accepting, his touch gentle. He'd told Aki, in a soft, mellow voice, that he was _proud_ of him- of all things. It was exactly what he'd needed to hear. Aki was weaker than most would assume; he would now no sooner willingly remove himself from Ueno than he would sever his own limbs, and he'd been so relieved that Ueno hadn't tried to run.

He loosened his fists, flexing his fingers and taking repeated, steadying breaths.

Talking to Uncle Hide would accomplish nothing. Any reaction other than mocking would be sheer fantasy. Aki was only fooling himself. His uncle was all too aware of the mess Aki had become. Uncle Hide was probably wallowing and luxuriating in those facts. If he ran upstairs and unleashed his fury, he'd probably just add to the satisfaction.

Aki had asked himself in the past exactly why he’d never lashed out, never made his uncle’s transgressions public as a child. While he'd known his uncle's actions weren't appropriate, he'd never carried out what he knew to be the only solution. He knew why he refused now; in addition to the utter humiliation he would suffer, the barrage of questions to answer, the stress his entire family would suffer and having to admit he’d thrown his sister under the bus in favor of Uncle Hide, he’d have to watch as the relationship his father had worked diligently to develop and maintain go up in smoke. His actions were too far gone. Unsure of when he'd begun to care so much, he acknowledged that he did. And so here he was, outside of the sick bastard's domicile, still desperate to communicate, somehow.

For a man to discover how his beloved baby brother and only son carried on was going to pack a wallop of such proportion that even Aki couldn’t imagine it; he just knew his father would suffer devastation beyond comprehension. In spite of his parents and their willingness to accept any and everything, there had to be a line somewhere. Aki’s relationship with Uncle Hide _had_ to fall on the other side.

As if it mattered at this point. What he craved most days was to simply be left alone, with the exception of Ueno’s company, companionship that was sometimes his only comfort. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d craved the attention or affection of anyone else in over a year. But he jeopardized even that, and beyond repair. 

Aki and his past would put strain on any relationship. Add to that the fact that while Aki had wandered, first aimlessly and then with unconscious purpose to his uncle’s apartment, Ueno had called twice. Aki had silenced both attempts. Explaining his whereabouts to Ueno wasn’t likely to be easy, but he acknowledged that he was adding more stress by distancing himself.

Ueno must have been calling to make sure that Aki had made it home safely; Aki had promised to be careful when he’d left the apartment, but Ueno was Ueno, after all. If he'd taken a cab all the way to his apartment, as he'd promised, he would have already been safe at home. His boyfriend worried, with more reason than usual tonight. He’d been so anxious to get out that he’d left his bag behind; maybe Ueno was calling about that, as well.

He had also, unfortunately, forgotten his jacket in Ueno’s bedroom. He always felt the cold easily, but tonight Aki hadn't been bothered by his forgetfulness in his unstable state until a raindrop landed on the tip of his nose. Much like everything else, he’d end up paying for that mistake later, probably.

He needed to apologize for running out without a valid explanation, for his unexplained freeze-up earlier, and most of all, for the weeks of behavior that Ueno had handled with a grace and patience Aki could never live up to himself, but knew simply had to be taking a toll on Ueno as well.

Goals were in place, but Aki remained rooted to the slab of pavement beneath his feet. It was likely his uncle wouldn’t care to listen, but for the first time ever, Aki was ready to stand up for himself. Why this urge came after his freedom, he wasn’t sure.

The complex, upscale and looming, stood before him, directly across the street, daring him to face his demons. He was important, worthy of humanity, and _damn_ Uncle Hide for handling him as if he didn't matter. Aki took a deep breath, and then a mechanical step. Whether Aki would scream his uncle down or try an unexpected punch to the face was unclear, but it didn't matter. Uncle Hide needed to feel shame. He needed to hurt. He deserved humiliation. Aki shouldn't have to bear it alone.

Entertaining his yearnings, he wondered which prison system would be more appropriate. Japanese prisons were pretty strict, but as Aki understood it, having never been committed, prison violence was a rarity. Did he long more for Uncle Hide to be victim to a disturbed, sexually repressed cellmate that targeted convicted child molesters like the ones he'd seen in foreign prison documentaries, or would he rather his uncle be bound and lapping up food like a starving pet as punishment for disobedience?

How long would they keep him? _Oh_ , or maybe he would be sentenced to execution.

Aki ignored the improbability. He continued to fantasize. Maybe he would get lucky and his uncle would reach his well-deserved death by way of a festive hanging. Or a firing squad. He questioned the odds of authorities allowing him to volunteer as one of the gunmen. He could look Uncle Hide in the eye, and there would be no way his uncle couldn't know that he was getting precisely what he deserved. A punishment fit for-

His phone came to life in his pocket, purring and vibrating insistently, yanking Aki back to reality. Those fantasies were dangerous; for any of them to come to fruition, Aki would have ruin the remainder of his family- a definite no-no.

Aki again felt the cool moisture of rain pelting at his cheeks and forehead. It took a jarring few seconds for him to fully let go of the fantasy-for the time being- and dig his phone out, opening the flip. If he didn’t pick up this time, Ueno very well might send out a search party.

He was low on oxygen, his mouth and throat suddenly dry, his tongue strangely swollen. "Hi."

"Where are you?"

"I told you I was going home." Aki could pick up on the worry in Ueno's voice, though it was low and terse, and the urge to cry grew stronger. He turned away from the complex and began to walk back the way he came, chalking his resolve to curse his uncle up one side and down to other up to temporary insanity. If he was going to say _anything_ to his uncle, it couldn't be in anger, and he had to think it through first. Never mind the logistics of talking to a man like him. Aki lifted his free hand and patting his head briefly, realized his hair was soggy. Getting home and dry was now the priority; a cold on top of everything else was one of the last things he needed.

“Are you hiding under your bed? I've checked everywhere else in the apartment. Where are you, then?”

Sarcasm- from Ueno- wasn't good.

"Walking.”

"Walking? You _left_ in a _cab_. It’s after three in the morning, completely dark, _raining_ , you didn’t tell _anyone_ where you were headed and you’re out taking a stroll? _And,”_ Ueno added, his voice elevated to a level Aki hadn’t been lucky enough to have become familiar with, “I know you're not wearing a coat, because you left it at my place.”

“I- I couldn't go home yet. I know, I know. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Aki’s fingers clenched again. “I-.”

“Got it.” Ueno sounded miserable, exhausted. “I’m going home now.”

Aki heaved a deep sigh, bowing his head on the exhale.  “N-no. I know I made you angry, but I have to see you.” Stupid to say so, since he was the one that had suggested parting ways.

"I don't think I can-"

 "You don't have to talk if you don’t want. But there are some things I need you to know, and they can't wait." Aki paused to formulate a quick plan. "Please hear me out. You're at my apartment, right?"

 "I was. I just left. I'm going home now."

 "No, wait. Please, just wait. I know it's late, but there's that twenty-four hour coffee house a couple of blocks away from the hotel- can you meet me there? Please?" Not as private as, say, his apartment, but for some reason, he still wasn't ready to go back.

 Seconds ticked by, and Aki wondered if Ueno would behave contrary to his nature. Would he actually refuse to come?

 Aki instantly focused his brain on a backup plan. Ueno was heading home, so all Aki had to do was beat him there, wait at the door, and force Ueno to hear him out. Even an angry Ueno wouldn’t order him out or attempt to forcibly remove him.

 "Okay." Ueno's voice definitely lacked enthusiasm, but Aki would take what he could get. Reluctance was better than rejection for sure.

 "Thank you. I'll get there as fast as I can. Thank you, thank you." Aki hurriedly disconnected, shoved his phone into his pocket, and urged himself into motion. He could get there quickly enough on foot, but he was freezing and soaked, so he only jogged far enough to locate another vacant cab. He had the money, he was too cold and wet for this shit, and he needed to see Ueno's face as quickly as possible.

* * *

 

For a coffee house located on in a district lined with architecture ascending into the clouds, it was odd for it to have its own building, and even more odd how it sat against the other businesses. It resembled a hut, squat in comparison, but still always crowded during the day. That observation was the only attention Ueno gave to the exterior before swinging open the door and stepping into instant, overwhelming warmth.

 This late at night, the occasional college student seeking a quiet place to study that had an endless supply of caffeine on the ready might be curled up here, the whirring of an espresso machine accompanying a lone student's furious keystrokes tapping out a last-minute term paper. Tonight, though, the café was blessedly empty, save for the lone barista who had obviously been fighting off sleep on a stool before Ueno entered; the weary employee dutifully shot to his feet to wait on his customer. Ueno gave the barista a wave that he hoped conveyed a _no worries_ message, and parked his butt in a cushioned chair at a table against a window. It was as far away from prying ears as was possible; with the distance and comforting purr of idling café machinery, Ueno was confident Aki's soft spoken words would be difficult for anyone else to pick up.

 He set Aki's bag on the table top. At least now he had the opportunity to return it. With the way Aki left and the uncertainty of when they would see each other again, he had no idea when he'd have another chance, as negative as the thought was.

Though he'd initially attempted to weasel his way out of this meeting, he waited for Aki to show up with a perfect blend of raging curiosity, impatience, and trepidation. Kind of like watching a train wreck; he _knew_ he wasn't going to appreciate what Aki had to say, especially right now, but at the same time, couldn’t bear to not know what had occurred at his apartment.

 Hell yeah, he wanted to know what had happened between them. There was a part of him that knew his own intentions had been pure-if one could put love that manifested into lust in the _pure_ category- and that he would in no way willingly hurt his boyfriend. But that nagging, high-pitched voice in the back of his mind kept reminding him that he'd done _something_ , intentional or not. A reason had to exist for Aki's behavior and despite his embarrassment at being run out on during foreplay, not knowing had to be worse.

 Propping his elbows on the table and resting his chin in his open palms, Ueno attempted to wait with the patience always expected of him. That's what he was; patient, easy going and warm. Diplomatic, against jumping to conclusions. Understanding, always willing to lend an ear. Helpful, compassionate, always concerned for others and always willing to put their needs above his own because hell, that's who he was.

It's who he'd always wanted to be, anyway.

And he tried. Hard. It was now easy to toss away his real opinions and urges toward the back of his mind, sometimes far enough away that he didn't pull them back out to nurse his own needs after others were fulfilled. But, it was best not to go down that road, especially right now.

 Ueno felt sorry enough for himself already, though he knew his feelings were juvenile and selfish. His boyfriend had experienced what Ueno could only categorize as a panic attack with his beginner knowledge of the subject. No matter how confused Ueno was, or how he was just barely functional in the face of utter humiliation in the aftermath of rejection, Aki was probably doing worse.

 Ueno had to sit on his mortification and keep quiet. It had no place here. A person who lost a toe would be foolish to whine about the pains of his injury to a person who'd lost a leg.

 But, of course, knowing what he needed to do with his emotions and keeping them in check were two very different things. When he was successful, though, life was much more peaceful, and his interactions with others were a smooth glide that always ended favorably. If he told Mira that he was an egotistical maniac who got his jollies exploiting the shame and insecurity of others, what then? If he told Haruki that it would be nice to receive a phone call that didn't include the subject of borrowing Ueno's notes or requesting advice about how to deal with his latest piece of ass, Ueno would be an insensitive asshole.

 He was of no use to anyone when he spent nice, quiet moments of solitude in his apartment, listening to music that _he_ liked, enjoying his favorite food, decompressing, or rolling around on the floor with furry critters. These were thoughts that he didn't allow himself to entertain often; they only served to drag him down in the doldrums and siphon away his spirit. _Always keep the lid shut_.

 But dammit, being nice _sucked_ sometimes. A battery kept a cell phone going, but at some point, the gadget had to be plugged in and allowed the proper time to recharge. To function properly, it had to feed from some other source. 

And in his darker moments, he questioned why such appreciative people who complimented Ueno on his stamina, good nature, intelligence and helpfulness never provided an outlet for him to plug into whenever his reserves were at five percent. 

He usually neglected to mention that when it rained, it poured. His pity parties were rare, but crazy dramatic. Ueno might call them doozies, even, in hindsight. Though he was normally optimistic, when he was caught in the throes of depressing thoughts, they ran deep.

 Following those darker moments was usually shame, because he wasn’t supposed to feel that way. Good people who helped for the sake of helping and nothing else should never be bitter about what they did for others. Those with pure intentions, that helped selflessly, weren't supposed to expect reward. His brother told him that often enough, when they were still in contact, before he'd extracted himself from the family to follow his dreams and become the epitome of holiness. Somewhere in the fucking forest where Ueno couldn't reach him anymore. Kenta was perfect. Ueno had always thought so.

  _Big brother, I think I've completely screwed up my dharma. What now?_

 Ueno tiredly scrubbed a palm over his face. Strange how he was tired beyond compare, but knew that when he hit the bed, there was no way in hell he was going to be able to rest. He needed to run, asinine at this time of night, but he was in need of dog tiredness that even his rampant thoughts couldn't control.

 An electronic chime announced the arrival of another patron. Ueno sat up straight, fairly positive that it had to be Aki, though he chose not turn his head and confirm it. Aki's bag, full of his necessities and weekend clothing sat before him, and he decided that was as good of an object to stare at as any.

 Until the sound of Aki clearing his throat right next to him was impossible to ignore. Ueno then lifted his gaze-

  _Crap._

 Aki looked worse than Ueno felt. Aware that Aki had left his jacket behind, he was still jolted at the sight of his waterlogged significant other. His jeans and two layers of t-shirts were soaked through. His skin, always pale, had lost its usual accompanying glow. His hair was weighed down with the elements, rain water yielding from the ends to drip onto his trembling shoulders. He stood, stiff and straight, but so lacking in surety and confidence that Ueno felt compelled to apologize for the entire night right then.

 Aki was likely to get sick at this rate. They needed to remedy that first; the painful chat could wait a few minutes, Ueno supposed. Aki was cranky enough when he was cold or uncomfortable, and Ueno didn't want to discover what Aki was like when he fell ill.

 Ueno jumped up, almost causing his chair to topple. "You're _soaked._ Here." He grabbed the straps of Aki's bag, thrusting it at its owner, but even with the distraction, it was impossible to disregard Aki's disheveled, bedraggled appearance.

 The most disturbing part of Ueno's perusal, however, was the wide, stark set of Aki's gorgeous, crimson eyes. They were always beautiful and addictive if one stared too long. Usually, gentle emotion was always visible in them; Ueno could always tell by looking into Aki's eyes when he was truly smiling-his lips weren't always curved upward in a perpetual grin like Ueno's were- and when he was experiencing an overage of emotion. They had the capacity to make an unsuspecting person fall hard.

 But at the moment, they were dull, blank even. They refused to look down at the offered bag, instead staring at Ueno, unwavering. "I-"

"All of your stuff is in there. You'll get sick if you don't dry off." Ueno's words were firm, leaving no space for protest. "Change first. I'll wait for you."

Aki bowed his head, his sigh rueful, if a sigh could be deciphered in such a way. He lifted a pale hand, slender fingers flexing against stiffness, and wearily accepted the bag by the straps. Without a word, he turned and shuffled, no haste in his movement, to the restroom.

Ueno stood, finally approaching ordering counter, glad that he'd only been right outside and had the mind to run back into Aki's apartment to grab the bag he'd just dropped off after confirming their meeting. Aki could use something warm even after drying off, so he busied himself ordering tea for both of them.

 With at least the next few minutes to himself while their drinks were prepared and Aki bundled up, Ueno returned to his seat.

 Aki had something to tell him. Despite what had gone down earlier, Ueno was clueless as to exactly what Aki needed to say. The possibilities were innumerable, really. Aki could simply want to apologize. Or-

 Or he could have asked Ueno to meet him to explain why their relationship wasn't going to work out after all. A date to break up properly. He'd tell Ueno that he'd tried hard, that Ueno was a wonderful person, and that he really _wanted_ them to be close, that he'd thought he could be in a relationship, but after tonight, he'd realized it wasn't possible. He was too broken, too wary. That after what had happened, he wouldn't be able to touch Ueno again without remembering the incident. Aki would state that he was so, so sorry, but perhaps they could try to be friends.

 But there was no way in hell he could follow through on that agreement. Friendship would be impossible, though he supposed pretending would work; giving off the illusion that Ueno was okay with absolutely everything was his life's work. He wouldn't exactly call himself a martyr, though; life was just easier if he wasn't burdened by the thought of upsetting other people or making them uncomfortable. He couldn't stomach the idea of Aki trying simply for Ueno, and he would never force Aki into that situation with his own neediness.

 Causing other people trouble set his scalp to itching, and was the precise reason why he didn't ask others to help him out. Of course, his staunch self-reliance had a downside; it meant no one pushed him to accept help, and Ueno's struggling never caused people concern. Hell, he dug himself out of holes on a regular basis, and was almost always cheerful when he did it. He'd be shocked to discover that anyone had noticed his distress in the first place.

It was self-imposed, and didn't always make for a happy existence, though life had remained consistent for a long time. And he had the utter nerve to feel somewhat deflated when no one rose to the occasion, though he'd never expected it from anyone. Ueno constantly set himself up for disappointment.

 What idiot made himself known for being competent, happy, self-reliant and stable, only to turn down a random attempt, and then feel let down when someone didn't see through the mask? Just him. Why create a wall that he was desperate for someone to break through anyway?

Ugh. He was sitting here, whipping himself up while waiting for an inevitable bomb to drop. He was pathetic and dark, stupid and fake. Ueno had no idea what he was starving for in doing this, really, but no matter what he did in life, his stomach forever rumbled. Life with Aki had temporarily silenced it, but not completely or permanently.

 Aki appeared more quickly than Ueno had expected. Startled at the blur, he jerked his head upward, startled to notice that their tea had also been served. When the hell had the barista approached his table? He had been too far down the road of his thoughts and self-castigation to notice or express his thanks. Maybe he had thanked the guy without even thinking about it.

 Ueno shook his head to clear out his unrelated thoughts. "Better?"

 Aki nodded, the motion stiff. He dropped his bag to the floor before pulling out his chair and easing into the seat. "Thank you."

 "Yeah." Ueno chewed his lower lip, not all prepared for whatever was to come, but desperate for the distraction. He pushed one of the cups of tea toward someone he hoped fervently would still be his boyfriend after tonight.

Aki managed a tiny smile, immediately curving his hands around the cup, more for warmth than anything else, seemingly. As Ueno watched, Aki's struggle broadcasted like a marquee, impossible to miss and distressing. He waited, quietly, for Aki to get his head together.

 "Ueno."

 "Yeah?" He was chilly, his fingers stiff and aching. Ueno grabbed for his own cup, mirroring Aki's earlier action.

 "I- you must think-" Aki bowed his head, taking a deep, audible breath. "I'm sorry."

 Ueno couldn't force a reply.

 "For everything. I didn't plan for that to happen. I really w-wanted to. T-to be with you."

 Of course he hadn't. Who planned a panic attack? It seemed an absurd thing to apologize for.

 "I'm not sure what to say first, what can help, b-but… well, tonight, when we were together, I remembered something. I hadn’t thought of it since it happened, but tonight for some reason, it came back to me."

 Ueno lifted his head, curiosity dominant now.

 "I-it happened a month or so before you and I met." Aki spoke softly, likely unable to be heard over the gentle whirring of machinery surrounding the barista and only other body in the softly lit café. "Or close enough to it, probably. I didn't keep track of time so well when I lived with my uncle, anyway."

 "You need to warm up. Drink some of that." Ueno gestured to Aki's disregarded cup, watching as his boyfriend first took a tentative sip, and then another. "Okay. I'm listening. What happened to you?"

 "My uncle had left me alone, just like the day you found me and I.. I heard someone come in. A man, one of those tech obsessed types who I'm guessing worked for a computer consulting company somewhere in the city. He didn't know my name like you did, but he let himself in, and went straight to the spare bedroom- my uncle's study- and found me on the floor. Same old."

 Aki examined his drink, making no further attempt to drink.

  "I did what I was supposed to. He was stuttering, shaking a little, and I thought he might try to run. But I knew what to do. I talked him down, nice and easy, and asked him to untie me as well as he could. He relaxed right away, and I remember thinking to myself, that this was going exactly how it should. I estimated how long it would take to get him ready, how long it would be until we finished, and I was positive that I had him placed correctly, that I knew what he would do in response, everything."

 Ueno watched as Aki lifted a hand, raking trembling fingers through his hair, still damp with rainwater. Briefly questioning why they were sitting someplace public while Aki relived this, he determined that Aki was probably too distressed to pay attention to that fact, and that he hadn't necessarily _known_ that he was going to go down this path, anyway.

 "I got started, but he didn't behave the way I figured he would. He got into it fast, knocked me onto floor. Got on top of me…" Aki's voice lowered, easing into incomplete sentences, which Ueno was learning to be an indication that Aki was not only recalling the past, but actually interacting with it. "Kissed me. Hard, all over. God, he was terrible. At first I was just surprised, but when I tried to move, I felt so weak. It was like I was weighed down. I felt so heavy.. And light at the same time. I couldn’t breathe, couldn't talk. I remember wondering what a heart attack felt like, if that's what was happening to me then. He grabbed me-m-my.. Down there. I know now that I was irrational and panicked, but I was scared that I was going to die. Right there. Naked, under this fat, slobbery computer guy that I knew nothing about, while he did what he wanted to me. A c-complete stranger."

 The edges of Ueno's vision were fuzzy, and over the strange roaring between his ears, Aki's voice faintly registered. He'd been attacked. Helpless, while a random stranger manhandled him. He tried to imagine the thoughts and fears he would experience in such a situation and came up completely blank.

 "Anyway, I probably could have spared you some of the details, but when I froze up on you earlier, it wasn't you I was afraid of."

 "And after?" Ueno heard a voice he didn't recognize as his own, hoarse and cracking. "What did he do after that?"

 "He jumped off of me, eventually. He didn't notice what I was going through at first, I don't think. But when I started to lose my breath and panic, all of a sudden, I think he realized that I was freaking out. He took off."

 "And _left_ you there?" Ueno hissed those words, though immediately after, in the back of his mind, he couldn’t shake off the tinge of familiarity. What right did he have to be outraged by this?

 "What else was he supposed to do?" Aki spoke softly, smiling that sad little smile that twisted at Ueno's insides. It was a smile of grim acceptance toward facts that couldn't be changed.

 "H-he.." Ueno trailed off at a loss.

  _I could have stayed behind. I_ should _have stayed behind. How could I have left someone, defenseless and used, there to keep suffering? I ran to safety, and didn't even_ try _to help him._

 Ueno pressed the heels of his palms to his closed eyelids in order to stop the burning. Good God, this totally sucked on about one hundred levels. He had absolutely no right to pass judgement on the guy. "And then?"

 "My uncle came home."

 "He was angry?"

 At the soft huff suspiciously close to laugh, Ueno uncovered his eyes and lifted his gaze.

 "That was the strangest part." Aki spoke in a faraway voice, eyes half-lidded, head tilted at the memory. "I could tell he was angry. Furious. But I can't remember him ever coming to get me the way he did that day. He came in, untied me, and picked me up. By then, I'd calmed down some. I was exhausted. I don't think I could have gotten up on my own; I felt drained and far away, out of my body. He picked me up and carried me into the bath. He didn't say anything, and I was too tired to even try, but he took care of me. He cleaned me off, and then gave me a bath. He was quiet, gentle, and right then, I felt like he might hold me, play with my hair, tell me everything was going to be fine, that nothing was my fault, that he was sorry, anything. Right then, he felt like family, and it screwed with my head more than anything I'd done with all those other men, more than everything my uncle had done to me before."

 Aki sighed shakily. "Right then, I felt protected. God, it was weird. I wanted it so bad from him for so long, but I hated him so much all at once. Not like it mattered; it was the first and only time he ever took care of me that way. I don't even know why he was so mad." Aki bowed his head after that final statement, settling into silence.

 Ueno ached to shower Aki with words of sympathy, of love, of promises that he would never, ever go through that hell again. But it seemed all he was able to voice were inquiries. "U-um, I don’t understand. I mean, I get what happened, I guess, but what made you remember it tonight of all nights?"

 Stupid question, maybe. If Ueno had been in Aki's shoes, he wouldn't forget the experience as long as he lived. But if Aki had somehow managed to tuck the memory away, what had brought it back to him at the exact moment?

 Aki straightened. "I saw him again."

 "When?" Ueno could feel his own body go rigid. "What did he do? Did he find you somehow?"

 "Monday, I went to that bookstore alone, and we met for dinner after. Remember?"

 Ueno gave a short nod. He remembered. Aki had been kind of quiet at dinner, but he got that way sometimes. He hadn't realized anything was amiss.

 "He ran right into me while I was leaving. Stared at me like he'd seen a ghost. Complete coincidence. He wanted nothing to do with me- he ran out of there as fast as he could. Can’t blame him. It's funny, isn't it?" Aki's voice wasn’t animated, and he clearly wasn’t expecting a reply, only musing. "This guy could have a boyfriend or girlfriend. He could be married, or even have children. How do you go back to your normal life after almost assaulting someone you saw tied up on the floor? How do you go to work or class the next day? How many people left that apartment ashamed, or with some twisted complex? How many _straight_ men considered what we did cheating, or started questioning their sexuality? Hated themselves?"

 He met Aki's eyes and physically stifled a wince at the turbulence he found in their ruby depths.

 "How many lives did we screw up? It's impossible for me to tell. Or maybe I'm thinking of myself too highly, and most of them were fine afterward.  And I guess it's stupid to feel bad about it now, as if I could do anything to fix the damage." Aki ran a pale finger along the rim of his cup, pursing his lips as he pondered his own words. "But I do. I don’t remember feeling guilty at the time. It was easier to hate them. So long as I was tied down and helpless, _they_ were hurting _me_. I could play along, but I couldn’t keep them from coming in. As long as _they_ took the bait and played along, they were getting what they deserved."

 "I'm sorry."

 "For what?" Aki gazed at him, confusion molding his expression. "I'm the one who-"

 "I don't know. How did I not notice you were suffering like that? I-" Ueno didn't know exactly what to do, what he could say. He couldn't even pinpoint how he felt at the moment. He had no fix.

 "I didn't tell you. Nothing made sense to me. Still doesn't. I was a mess all week, Ueno. I was on edge. Everything got me thinking; what happened with that guy and other men, your niece-"

 "What about my niece?" Ueno cocked his head. What the hell?

 Aki's eyes widened, and it was obvious that he hadn't meant to make his thoughts known.

 "Aki," Ueno spoke carefully, deliberately, "what do you mean?"

Aki took a while to speak, raking both hands through his hair and taking deep, steadying breaths. "It's not that I would ever think of you doing anything like.. Uncle Hide does. When she was sleeping on you, though, I just- I had a bad thought. A reaction, I guess."

"A reaction to what?" All she'd done was nap on him. Most of the little kids in his family used him as a makeshift bed at one point or another. That's what babies did.

"I don't know, really. I just got scared for a second. Like I wanted to tell you to leave her alone, to not hurt her."

His older sister’s baby girl. His niece. A little slip of a person who reduced Ueno to giggles whenever she made a sound. The tiny imp who spent a month in the neonatal intensive care unit immediately following birth. His cute little princess who projectile pooped on Ueno’s favorite hoodie the first time he changed her diaper and all he could was cheer at her success.

He’d cried like a baby himself one they’d all been informed she was out of the woods, finally able to be taken home after a month of observation and treatment. Ueno loved that little shit with everything in him. He was horribly close to losing his stomach all over the table. His scalp itched, his skin immediately hot. Aki had been frightened-however brief- of Ueno hurting his cherub of a niece. "I don’t understand-"

 "I don’t either, because I already know that you would never hurt anyone, especially a child. Never. I _know_ that. I can't call it anything but a crazy reaction. It doesn't make sense to me. Uncle Hide didn't even touch me when I was that small- I didn't even know him then- so I can't explain it. All I can say is through that whole week after I saw that guy again, I was constantly trying to kill all these weird thoughts, and maybe that's where it came from. It didn't happen the last time I was with your family. It never happened when I saw my family, either. But I swear, I don’t see you that way. I never would." Aki finished, panting as if out of breath.

 That wouldn't have surprised Ueno. Aki had used more words in the last fifteen minutes than he normally employed in a full day. Intellectually, he understood what Aki was saying, but the admission still stung. And still, his heart and gut were squeezed tight, the fingers of mortification clenching at them.

 He didn’t get it. Aki feared for the safety of Ueno's niece, and instinct had caused him to protect her from her own family. The damage still present from Aki's past was unfolding, more terrifying than Ueno could ever have imagined. That past had, at least temporarily, caused Aki to view Ueno as a potential threat, had made Aki see him as an attacker. And there had to be more to it than that. Just because Aki didn't fully understand and couldn't explain what sent him into that mode didn't mean there was no deeper meaning.

 God. It was possible that he himself had done something to jump start Aki's fears to life in both situations, to send him to the memory he had become trapped in, and to equate Ueno to Aki's uncle. Probable, even. Ueno stared past Aki, at a blank window that refused to yield what lie past it. He replayed the conversation that had just taken place. What had he said? Or done? Aki had come onto _him_ , not the other way around.

Once he gave it a second, the similarities between Ueno and this random computer guy weren't hard to find. The memories of their first and only time together flooded his brain, and he recalled how Aki didn't wish for any participation on Ueno's part, only wanted him to sit back and take what was given. To obey, to play along, or else. But Aki had also responded nicely when Ueno ignored his softly spoken wishes and willingly participated. Caught up in the moment, sheathed in delightful, tight heat, he'd forgotten where he was, that _Aki-chan_ was a complete stranger, that Ueno fallen into a trap. Ueno had given into temptation, caught in the moment. The memory of the encounter still brought the tingles to his limbs.

 Oh.. _Oh._

 The stranger of Aki's memories- how was he any different from Ueno? Aching to bury himself in softness and giddy with wonder and affection, he'd taken control- and robbed Aki of it, consequently.

 And Ueno had the _nerve_ to be turned on by it afterward, to daydream about them being together again, albeit without restraints while on a nice, cushy bed.

 His eyes burned, and his throat smarted the way it did right before he fell victim to a cold, as if pebbles were lodged in it. He'd done this.

"Ueno?" Aki whispered his name, his eyes shining, his skin pale, expression wrecked. "There was no other way than for me to tell you what happ- no easy way, um… This is all my fault. I need you to know that. I just wanted to explain to you why I think I reacted the way I did. I mean, I don't know for sure, but I'm positive that you had nothing to do with it. I.. "

 The muted lighting was suddenly much too bright. With no thought behind the action, Ueno shoved himself backward, chair scraping against the floor, the screech startling the man across from him. Stiff legs heaved him upright. "I- I'm-"

 "No." Aki covered his mouth, the word emerging in a sob. "Don't, Uen-"

 He didn't advise Aki to call him to check in when he got home, to be careful out in the rain, or to wear his jacket. He didn't tell Aki that he'd call or see him later. He didn't drop a term or statement of endearment. He couldn't. It had been impossible to utter even an apology, though good God, he should have. What did come out was clumsy, insensitive in hindsight, and so completely _wrong_ while being completely true. Still, it came, without contemplation.

 "T-this. _Us._ Isn’t working."

 Though it wasn't Aki he sought to escape from as much as himself, it didn't matter.

 He raced to the door, flung it open and propelled himself through the opening.

With the unforgiving rain beating down on him, he ran like hell.  
  
   
  
   
  
 

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	33. The Long Way Home Chapter 33

**Chapter 33: The Long Way Home**

Disclaimer: I'm just a geeky fangirl that likes to play around; I own nothing.

Messiness didn't sit well with Ueno, so his kitchen wasn't dirty. No spot in his apartment ever was really was. After he began spending more time with Aki, he wasn't even home enough to make adequate messes. On top of that, growing up as the assistant to his domestic badass of a mother meant that he jumped on clutter before it became a full-blown problem. Unlike most of his friends, Ueno didn't simply prefer clean surroundings; the thought of a disregarded teacup on his kitchen counter had been known to plague him until he dragged his behind out of bed to return it to its proper location. He craved order in his home, particularly when everything else was out of control.

 

Like tonight.

 

Well, considering it was late as hell, Ueno should have been asleep. Curled around his boyfriend, with Aki's cold feet tucked in between his calves or his leg thrown carelessly across Ueno's thigh, warm breath puffing against his cheek or neck in rhythm with the rise and fall of Aki's chest. Sprawled halfway on Ueno and halfway on the bed, as if Aki owned him.

 

Sleeping with Aki was one of _the_ greatest pleasures. Cuddling his boyfriend was better than baseball, more satisfying than a bowl of instant curry. He had truly given in to his regret and acknowledged that his earlier actions had completely ruined that outcome. Sex was good, but _so_ not worth losing his nights with Aki. In hindsight, he would of course never sacrifice getting off for his heaven in the dark, running his fingers through thick, soft hair, of smoothing his lips over Aki's forehead while he slid into slumber, of Aki's sleep-mumbling comforting him better than any lullaby or bedtime story. He'd have given damn near anything to hear Aki calling him by his shortened name, only used when he was asleep, drifting off, or approaching wakefulness. With regret, he mused that he wouldn't fall asleep to a mumbled or breathy _Ue_ tonight. But he didn't need to worry about that at the moment; tonight was far enough off.

 

So if he hadn't put his foot in his mouth, there was a chance he could have been in bed now, asking Aki random questions to see if he'd answer them in his sleep. Ueno didn't do it often, since he was normally dead asleep himself, but an occasion came to memory of him snickering into his pillow when he'd asked Aki if he believed in aliens, only to hear a muttered "I bought you some cheese this morning. Dunno what kind, but _nom_ …" Never mind that Aki couldn’t prove that aliens did or didn't exist; the very idea of Aki going to a grocery store all by himself to purchase _anything_ was almost hilarious. He was even useless when they shopped together. And don't even get Ueno started on the _nom_ bit.

 

Ueno lifted the few plates from their earlier dinner out of the drying rack, swiping over each one with a dish towel, before opening a cabinet and placing them with the rest.

 

All of these chores could have waited until morning, but Ueno refused to see the point in putting anything off, as he was in sore need of a task. His brain was cranking away in his skull, with no sign of dwindling. Too many thoughts were whirring around, fast and hard enough to whip up a smoothie, and he had no idea how to turn the damn blender off. One worry sprouted another, until he was so lost in them that his body began to protest. He had to burn off some of this anxiety some way.

 

So here he was, doing dishes way too early in the morning. The universe had the good sense to hold off daylight for a couple more hours, for which Ueno was grateful. A couple of hours left for him to sort out his thoughts before he had to face the world, as if daylight would heighten his embarrassment, making it obvious to others. As if his mortification could possibly grow.

 

Ueno shook off random thoughts, grabbed another rag, and set to spraying down his countertops, likely with more cleaning solution than strictly necessary or recommended on the bottle, but hell, it was his apartment, and he could make it as clean as he wanted. As he wiped away the moisture with sweeping, circular motions of his arm, he recalled that while the place was tidy, it had been a good while since he'd aired it out.

 

Darting into his bedroom, Ueno began flipping up latches and heaved his window open. Next came his living area window, and then the kitchen. The balcony door sounded like a plan, too. He had used an excess of household cleaner; this would also help chase some fumes out. Feeling awfully economical, Ueno grabbed up his towel again and finished off his countertop, then wiped down the surface of his small fridge.

 

The apartment quickly dropped in temperature, but Ueno was only vaguely aware of it. Still slightly damp from his sprint home in the rain, he was already chilly. Ueno hoped Aki was faring better at home in his cozy apartment. Aki abhorred any temperature below tropical, so Ueno was sure that once Aki had returned home, he'd taken a hot bath or shower, donned warm clothing, and huddled up in bed. If Ueno had been there, he'd have teased his boyfriend a little, until Aki shot him that trademark bored expression, indicating he was _so_ over Ueno and would ignore any further ribbing.

 

Aki was a prickly little thing. An adorable, prickly little thing. An adorable, prickly little thing who cuddled Ueno close and elevated Ueno's mood with the tiniest of smiles. Truthfully, even his most acidic comments and sarcasm raised Ueno's spirits, weirdly enough, filling him with glee and fondness.

 

He took his broom and dustpan from the hallway closet. Ueno couldn't remember the last time the floor had a good scrubbing, but he couldn't clean it without sweeping first. And he _had_ planned to launder his bedding later the next evening, but he wasn't planning on sleeping any time soon, so there was certainly no harm in taking care of it now as well.

 

Ueno needed a clean apartment, since he would be spending the week there, at this rate. He had just broken up with his boyfriend, after all. That's what it felt like, he supposed. More than anything, he'd wanted to call an end to Aki's distress, caused by Ueno's own actions. Creating some distance was the best way to do that.

 

Ueno shook away the thought as well, and wasted no time dancing around his apartment, his broom his partner, whisking away particles of dust. They were mostly nonexistent, if his mostly empty dustpan was an indication. He shook the pan over his trash can regardless, and then returned the broom to his closet, swapping it out for a bucket, mop, and rubber gloves.

 

Crap. His bedding would take a few hours to launder, so he halted in filling his mop bucket to return to his now freezing bedroom, removing his comforter from the bed, shaking his pillowcases from the pillows and yanking at his fitted sheet with more aggression than necessary.

 

It was a quick trip downstairs to the on-site laundry room. He'd run back downstairs and move his bedding to the dryer in an hour. He should be done mopping and cleaning his bathroom by then. His comforter always took a couple of cycles, so he'd have to run back down twice, but he'd take the garbage down with him on the second run. It was always nice when his tasks aligned this well, and so satisfying to know that while one task was being carried out without him having to hover, he could knock out something else.

 

Besides, he had a paper to write. He could whip out the outline during the last dryer cycle.

 

He was a warrior. An economic wonder, a hardworking, domestic beast.

 

The need to be just that fueled his frantic activity. By the time he lugged his laundry back into his bedroom and threw the armful of fabric onto his flipped and disinfected mattress, he had indeed completed his outline. His floors shone after he ditched the mop in exchange for scrubbing on his hands and knees. His bathroom fairly sparkled, and his clothes hung in glorious order. He'd reorganized his dresser drawers, cleaned out his fridge, and organized the remainder of his homework assignments.

 

He'd darted back and forth around his apartment, amazed that his neighbors downstairs hadn't vocally protested. The physical exhaustion was welcome, though, and he always felt better after cleaning, knowing every item was in its rightful location. And while he'd carried out his tasks, he'd been able to successfully squash each random thought as it came, each image of a man he'd never met or even seen before, standing in the doorway much as he had months ago, mouth agape in horror. He'd killed each distressing thought dead.

 

He'd squeezed his eyes shut and shifted his focus each time he'd imagined a trembling Aki naked, on the floor, fighting for air, crying. Terrified. Unfortunately, fatigue was making it difficult now, but Ueno couldn't do this, not after the imaginary intruder began to take on Ueno's features, height, and voice.

 

Ueno slid to his knees at his bedside, pillowcase clutched so tightly his knuckles paled, fingers aching from the strain.

 

He tilted his head, resting the back of it against the mattress behind him, fighting his sudden erratic breathing, at a complete loss.

 

And if these thoughts were leading Ueno into a panic, he couldn’t imagine what dealing with the reality of it all was like for Aki. Ueno had done the right thing. Aki in no way needed him around, not after that.

 

Life was going to be tricky, though; Ueno had given no thought to how he was supposed to show his face to his boss after this. At some point, Satou san would inevitably learn of their split. Ueno would have to get through work and somehow deal with the questioning. He'd have to go to class every day and stay away from the cafeteria, find somewhere else to hang out.

 

He would have to learn how to live after severing ties with the individual he'd declared love to. Ueno supposed that most people dreaded the aftermath of a breakup, especially when they didn’t actually desire to leave the other person. Just the thought of never cuddling with Aki again brought a lump to his throat that he couldn’t swallow down. This fucking _sucked_.

 

Noting that daylight had been upon him for quite some time, Ueno's head lolled to the side to check his bedside clock. He groaned, quietly bringing a fist down to his bedroom floor.

 

Aki had started it, but Ueno wasn't in any way obligated to allow it continue. Why hadn't he just said _no_? How easy it would have been to tell Aki he wasn't in the mood, to insist that they weren't ready to take that next step, that he was too tired? If only Ueno had believed any of it enough to make the smarter decision for both of them, Aki would be there with him now.

 

If he hadn't gone all primal and used his fucking _brain_ instead of-

 

A faint rattling roused him, effectively stalling his train of thought.

 

_Aki? No, he wouldn't be calling me after… that._

 

Ueno rose to his knees, leaning over to disconnect his phone from the charger on his night table. Deflating instantly as he read the display, he answered the call anyway, clearing his throat before giving his greeting.

 

It wasn’t _that_ strange for his grandpa to phone him this early in the morning. He'd never pinpointed the exact age when people started going to bed so early and rising before chickens and warehouse workers, but old people started that habit at some point. His grandpa was no exception, so when he _did_ call, it was typically before Ueno was ready to start his day.

 

"Grandp-"

 

" _It's me, darling_."

 

He stiffened. Oops. His grandma was using his grandpa's cell phone. She had her own, but used whichever happened to be lying around, and was notorious for losing both as a result. She spoke near flawless Japanese, but tended to revert back to her first spoken tongue when she was excited, scared, or lost her temper. He shut his eyes briefly and took a breath before speaking. Since he wasn't around his grandma much these days, it now took him a moment to switch languages in his head.

 

_"Are you okay?"_

 

_"It's your grandfather."_ Ueno raised a brow at that. His grandma certainly didn't _sound_ hysterical.

 

_"Is he okay? What is it?"_ Ueno scrambled to his feet, stomach churning, gripping at his jeans with his free hand. A multitude of recent health issues meant that any call about him could be hairy.

 

_"I-I can't reach your mother. He needs a doctor."_

 

" _For what?_ " Ueno clutched as his phone, hopping from foot to foot. Why the hell was she calling him instead? Why was she trying to call his mom instead of an ambulance? _"Are you at home?  Where are mom and dad?"_

 

His grandmother's timid voice quivered when she answered. _"Heart attack. I think. Maybe?"_ She choked at the end. She was doing a fairly good job of speaking calmly, but it was clear it wouldn't last long.

 

Ueno felt horribly close to throwing up. " _Halmoni._ Ambulance _. Did you call one yet?_ "

 

" _Y-you think I should?_ "

 

" _If he needs a doctor, you_ have _to. Where is he?_ "

 

" _On the couch. He says it hurts._ "

 

_Okay. Okayokayokayokay. I will not puke. I will not pass out. I will not lose it._ He was in danger of any of those three, possibly a combo.

 

Talking logic wasn't going to work on grandma. It figured that she would try to call his parents instead of immediately seeking medical attention.

 

_"Okay, I'll call an ambulance for you. You can keep trying mom and dad, okay?"_

 

_"Yes, yes, baby. Thank you."_

 

The line went dead. Ueno swore with feeling before dialing with trembling fingers.

 

He'd wanted a distraction and darn if it if his wishes hadn't been acknowledged.

* * *

Hours fell away as Aki sat propped up against the wall next to his front door, robbed of words and unable to process anything to completion or solution, sadly hollow. He'd been certain that something would get the ball rolling again, but his phone and his apartment remained eerily quiet. Even the cats were minding their own business in silence. Aki was fearful at this point, that the absence would extend throughout the day and into the night, and the idea of spending a night away from Ueno was no less alarming.

 

And here he was, even in this depressed state, turning over these thoughts like they'd only experienced a simple fight that he was positive would be resolved. Like Ueno hadn't just broken up with him. Hadn't he?

 

But after Aki had gone cold toward sexual contact and freaked out on him, silence _had_ to be damaging. Even anger would have been okay, but it hadn't surfaced in him. In Ueno's apartment, Aki hadn't known how to break the ice, but neither had Ueno, so he'd simply sat next to the sole individual he loved more than anything in the world, feeling more out of touch with him than ever and unsure of how to move forward. Things may have ended differently had Aki not suggested returning home, but it was too late to fix that now.

 

Aki should have stayed. If he'd refused to budge, something would have happened, eventually. The breakup- or whatever it was called- had almost been a relief for a moment, and Aki didn't like that one bit. No straight reasons, no finality. How could he leave Ueno alone with his feelings still up in the air? How badly had Aki screwed him up? Even if Aki got in his face now, he couldn't find the words to ask, fearful of ripping off such a newly formed scab.

 

Emptiness was the meaning of the day, both physically and emotionally. He was alone with his silence; even Mira hadn't forced his presence. It was still early though, so that changing was a possibility. His cats were his only company, but they only went so far in filling the hole; watching kitty antics would only amused him briefly and on top that, they were now snoring away under his bed, in their usual spot. How could they go about their lives as if nothing was the matter, when Aki was sure his own must be ending? The fact that everything else continued to move at a normal pace while he felt so terrible was harsh.

 

Aki eventually rose, curling up in his chair, cell phone in hand, tapping at a particular contact before raising the phone to his ear.

 

The call was answered almost immediately.

 

"Son?"

 

"Dad…" Aki rubbed at his face with his free hand. "Morning." How desperate was he for doing this?

 

"Good Morning." His father's voice was tentative and wondering, and rightly so. His kid didn't call for no reason. "How are you? Is everything good?"

 

"I'm fine. I-um. I-I just thought I'd… call."

 

"Oh?" His father paused. "Well, it certainly is nice to hear from you. I'm downstairs, you know."

 

"On a Sunday? You can find something more exciting to do over the weekend than work, can't you?"

 

His father chuckled. "Of course. I _do_ have a life, but I just stopped by for a moment since I was in the area. I'm headed to the athletic club; I've got a match in a little over an hour."

 

"Why aren't you using one closer to home?"

 

"I prefer the facility here. It's much larger, and they have nice tennis courts, not to mention that this place has a hot tub, sauna, and a pool. Membership for the family is quite affordable, and since it's closer to the hotel, it's much easier for me to fit in a workout right before or after work. It's a win no matter how you look at it. Plus, my partner lives closer to this one."

 

"The family?" Aki perked up. "As in me too? I can go, then?"

 

"I hoped that perhaps one day you would interested enough to try the pool. Feel like tagging along today?"

 

Aki thought for a moment before continuing. It had been a long time since he'd dipped a toe in anything larger than a bathtub. "W-would you mind?"

 

Stunned silence, and then, "No- not at all." His father responded, with more than a little befuddlement in his tone. Aki couldn’t blame him; his father obviously hadn't expected him to accept. "Has my son developed an interest in tennis?"

 

"The pool, of course." A couple thousand laps sounded good all of a sudden, after years of ignoring his beloved pastime. "It's been a long time since I've been in a pool though, so I don't have anything to wear. I would need to run out and get a couple of things." None of his swim gear, had he kept it, would have fit any longer, anyway.

 

"It _has_ been a while. Swimming seemed to make you so happy, so I was quite disappointed when you stopped participating. Hurry, and we'll zip on over to get you some staples."

 

"I'll come down now." Aki disconnected, marveling that not only had he initiated the call, but willingly committed himself to time in his father's presence. He was losing his rabbit-ass mind.

 

He sighed. His father had seemed, however incredulous, so hopeful when he'd answered. He didn't question why; Aki was big enough of a pill that any attempt at communication or closeness would be noticed. A twinge of guilt quivered through him at the thought.

 

Being the common denominator of all of his soured relationships, Aki supposed the question now was whether or not he possessed the strength to change the tide, and of course how badly he wanted to change it.

* * *

The scent of chlorine was almost overpowering as it entered Aki's nostrils, even before he'd exited the locker room. He was seized by the familiarity of it, almost- but not quite- forgotten in the years that he'd shunned his beloved activity. He hadn't realized he'd missed it to this extent until now, with his body rinsed, hair flattened under a snugly fitted swim cap, and goggles wrapped around his head, resting just above his brow. The slight grittiness of the floor bit into the wet soles of his feet, bringing along a sweeping moment of nostalgia.

 

Aki didn't trust himself to throw his body from a spring board after his hiatus; he instead chose to seat himself at the edge of a lane and simply lower himself into the water, shuddering all the while at the chill. Taking off was awkward, to say the least; he raised a leg and pushed off with a minimum of power, which didn't give him much momentum to work with when beginning his crawl stroke.

 

How long had it been? When was the last time he had propelled himself from a board, cutting through the water as if he lived there? Years. _Years._ The thought bounced around his head as he chugged through his first and return lap. He'd loved it; he'd spent much of his free time at the local gym of his school's facility, butterflying and crawling to his heart's content in solitude and peace. In hindsight, it seemed such a loss that he had quit, but he supposed he had lost interest, slowly but steadily, his mind in turmoil. Swimming had always brought about calm, and he had sometimes grown anxious when he couldn't make it to the pool.

 

Exactly when the situation had flipped and he instead had been too anxious to _go_ to the pool, he was unsure of.

 

When he had completed his second lap, instead of slowing down to turn and kick off, he managed a clumsy tumble. It wasn't bad for his first time back in the saddle, but still a weak imitation of what he was capable of.

 

Having gotten an appropriate feel for the water again and gaining more speed from his push off, his arms moved with more surety, establishing a calming, all-too-familiar rhythm. Before long, his head was full of the swimmer's mantra, the mental chanting chasing away all other thoughts. _Catch, pull, push, and recover_. When he was young, before he was tall enough to stand with his head above water, his swim teacher would shout this to him while he pulled himself through the chlorinated water, and now Aki repeated this to himself, over and over, until his body obeyed all command.

 

Aki was unsure how much time had passed from his first lap to his last. He wasn't even positive of how many laps he had completed, only aware while he came back to awareness suddenly, that he'd gotten lost in the motions. His father, uncle, his past and Ueno had very briefly ceased to exist. The last year had faded away, and he was simply indulging, completely at peace, happy with his life, content in his aquatic home.

 

He'd really missed this.

 

Just when had he started to allow his stressors and pain to rob him of activities and interests that had once made him happy and liberated? Aki was well aware of the time frame, but not the actual dismissal; it wasn't as if he said to himself, _I'm depressed, so I'm going to quit swimming_ , but at some point, he'd done it.

 

Then, just as quickly, as Aki boosted himself up and climbed out of his lane, he realized the difference between throwing oneself back into a habit and easing back into it. Moreover, Aki realized that easing himself back into swimming would have been the smarter option, because _duh_. But he'd been so _good_ at it before; years ago, he would have blazed through the same laps he had today with a precision and speed he hadn't possessed just now. He hadn't realized how much propelling himself through the water had burned away his stress, his misgivings and overall anxiety.

 

Then again, when he had been swimming years ago, his problems hadn't existed to this magnitude. When his life had been flipped upside down, he'd lost interest in most of the things that had once brought him joy and satisfaction, and swimming had been one of them.

 

Aki rose, only to immediately drop to one knee, holding back a pained groan. Not that he had an audience; every lane remained empty, so no one was around to see the result of Aki not preparing properly. Still, he should have known better than to drag himself through all of those laps on absolutely no nourishment, and without stretching, and he felt a little bit of shame at his oversight.

 

Ah. He _had_ forgotten about those terrible, agonizing leg cramps, though. Aki pushed himself to his feet again, knowing he needed to try walking it off, but stumbled on the first step.

 

_Ow ow ow. I really should have stret-_

 

"You okay there?"

 

When Aki's eyes snapped open, he took note of someone kneeling at his feet, having materialized from nowhere, gazing at him expectantly.

 

"I-" Aki's voice dropped off as two hands grabbed at his calf, starting a strong, rhythmic kneading. "It's just a-"

 

"I know what it is. You okay, though?"

 

"Y- yes. Could you let go?"

 

"Oh. Heh. Sorry." The guy had the good sense to apologize, though he didn't pause in his ministrations. "You look like you're in some pain. Best to work out the cramp right away, and it's always easier to have someone else do it."

 

The stranger stopped speaking, his head turned toward his task. All Aki could make out was a head of dark hair, with strategically scattered burgundy streaks. "I-I.. I can handle it myself. I'm not a child."

 

"Nope. You're a grown-up for sure. An adult who knows the importance of a good round of stretching before taking off, especially for a beginner. That was sarcasm, in case you didn't pick up on it."

 

Aki bristled, stepping back with his free leg and yanking the other out of the stranger's grasp. "I am _not_ a beginner." He barely avoided stumbling before rising to his full height.

 

"Okay."

 

Aki wrinkled his nose at the abrupt realization that he has just let this random asshat ruffle his feathers by telling the obvious truth. Pain did make him more irritable than usual. He inhaled deeply and expelled slowly. "I did forget to stretch, and I'm out of practice is all. Is picking fights with strangers a habit of yours?"

 

"You _do_ realize that this is the reason swimmers incur injuries, don’t you? Injuries, might I add, that keep you from competing, and land you in physical therapy for months, even years."

 

"You're certainly passionate." Aki muttered his observation, not sure why he hadn't hauled ass to the locker room yet, wondering why he was still engaging.

 

"Well, I only speak from experience. It's the precise reason that I work at a gym supervising swimmers, instead of competing. Just trying to keep you overzealous, impatient little demons from meeting the same fate." Eyes, a deep charcoal, gazed up him, one corner of a full set of lips turned upward.

 

"You _work_ here?" Aki shook his head. "I suppose I didn't recognize you as an employee, since you apparently missed a seminar or two focused on how to treat your customers. Do you talk to everyone like this?"

 

"I've never seen you here before. First time?"

 

"Here, yes." Aki paused. "Was I that bad?"

 

"Bad?"

 

"Bad enough to be called a beginner."

 

"Nah." The guy, still kneeling in his black legskins, scooted forward and pulled Aki's calf into position before resuming his kneading. "Not _bad_ , just awkward, I guess. You seemed to pick up the pace pretty fast. Swimming is like that; absence doesn't erase the instinct you pick up once you’ve got experience. Your gear looks brand new, though. That gives away a lot of beginners, especially on the gym side."

 

Aki reluctantly let the man continue. "The gym side?"

 

"Yeah. The experienced gym bunnies come in their sweats or whatever they can find. They just want a good workout. Looking like hell doesn't faze them. Then there's the newbies, and the people who come in around the beginning of January to carry out their resolutions for the new year. You know, the ones that vow to lose the beer gut or tighten their asses? They tend to wear name brands, all color coordinated, pristine sneakers, and sweatbands." His brows furrowed in consternation. "Who the _hell_ needs sweatbands? They meander from machine to machine before they even complete a rep- incorrectly- and if they're really ambitious, they'll last twenty minutes before they hit the sauna to reward a job well done. By the time February comes around, they're history."

 

Aki cocked his head, a bit dazed in the aftermath of the guy's judgmental diatribe. "I.. I used to swim a lot when I was younger, b-but I fell out of the habit. It's been years, so all my stuff _is_ new. I was too impatient to stretch."

 

"You don't have to explain yourself."

 

"I disagree. You sounded awfully… judge..y."

 

"Judgmental?" The man snorted. "I suppose so. Of course, my opinion shouldn't matter to you."

 

"It doesn’t." Aki snatched his leg away a second time and limped away as haughtily as possible. Wow. His muscles ached, but nary did a flare-up occur as he made his elegant exit.

 

The guy was a butthead, but crazy good with his hands.

* * *

 

His father stated that he would prefer something light for lunch, as he didn't want to eat what he had burned off during his tennis match. Luckily, he had made a decision quickly after Aki provided absolutely no assistance.

 

Aki didn't care; he never ate heavily. The sushi shop his father had chosen suited him just fine. He'd never eaten there before and wasn't overly keen on sushi, but the place wasn't populated for early afternoon, and the two of them were immediately able to sit around a small table and begin munching away just as quickly.

 

Since they were apart and Ueno wasn't there to shove food down his throat, his stomach was indeed growling at this point. Aki didn't often admit when he was starving, but he was hungry like a big dog, as Ueno would put it.

 

"Mmm." His father chewed slowly, tilting his head and squinting upward. "Have one of these. You like sandfish." Without waiting for Aki to accept or decline, he added one to Aki's serving.

 

"Thank you." Aki responded to his father politely. In an even tradeoff, Aki did the same, offering his father one of his own. This was certainly odd.

 

His father had never been _bad_ company. He was never cruel, unreasonable, or prickly; on the contrary, the man was eternally optimistic and cheerful, even more so in the face of adversity. Most people adored his father on sight.

 

Take this situation, for example. Aki, who was most definitely unreasonable and prickly in the company of his father, was welcomed with open arms no matter what his attitude or behavior. What had Aki done to deserve such devotion from his parents?

 

He set his chopsticks down, appetite diminished. Aki could expand on the question, and ask after his worthiness to deserve any love from anyone. But here he was, with a boyfriend, a couple of friends, and his family, all of them gently accepting. He had done nothing to gain or keep their adoration, and certainly gave them nothing back, which bothered him more now than ever.

 

"Oh no, you don't." His father stared pointedly at Aki's abandoned eating utensils. "No hunger strikes today, you hear me?"

 

Aki was able to crack a weak smile for his father, but that was his limit. "No hunger strike." He resumed eating slowly, reluctantly. He needed to eat anyway; his most recent meal had been one Ueno fed him- last night. His boyfriend was diligent in making sure Aki's stomach was never empty. He'd likely waste away without him.

 

There was that pesky pronoun again. _Boyfriend_. How quickly he'd forgotten being dumped hours earlier.

 

"I know the two of you aren't required to spend every moment of your lives together, but does that lost expression on my son's handsome little face have anything to do with the fact that Ueno's not here? And why isn't my other son with you, anyway?

 

A lump of rice stuck in his throat. That was a tidbit of information Aki was unable to share. "We-" He swallowed before trying again. "We parted ways. For today, at least."

 

A dark eyebrow went sky high. "What did you do to him?"

 

Aki stared at his father. Was indignation appropriate? "Why are you automatically convinced that I did something to him?" Well, because that's the way it would be; even Aki could admit that. 

 

"Unless there's some colossal misunderstanding, one of you has to be at fault for any split or argument; am I right?"

 

"Well, that's a logical way of looking at it, but-"

 

"And out of the two of you, I know that Ueno would never, _ever_ do anything to upset you. That boy is a father-in-law's dream, kindness personified, level-headed, the epitome of goodness, the-"

 

"Ueno isn't _always_ level headed."

 

"Is that the best rebuttal you've got? You did something; I can _feel_ it."

 

"If I'm so evil and he's so great, go ahead and swap us." If such a trade were possible, Aki was sure his parents would have filled out the paperwork already.

 

"My Aki isn't evil. You're a cute little porcupine. Sometimes we might catch a quill or two, but we always recover." His father smiled, stupidly serene. "We like you. Wouldn't trade you for the world."

 

Aki kept his mouth shut, choosing not to blurt out an immediate, recent example. It was a tradeoff his parents had decided on so recently that Aki could still recall every word, every expression and each emotion that ran through him in those moments. Weeks ago, he would have lashed out with his counter argument so quickly that his own head would probably have spun around.

 

He was already down, though, and an acidic _gotcha_ wasn't going to raise him up. Not this time. Aki didn't have the necessary energy for a battle of words. Then again, his father probably wouldn't argue, and merely deflect or avoid the subject. He set his chopsticks down, for good this time.

 

His father appeared to have become aware of his verbal blunder. The dark-haired man lifted his fingers to his lips, gazing off to the side, past the only other patrons at an uncertain spot on the wall while Aki wrestled with the sudden silence. He heard his father's deep, heavy sigh, but he pressed his lips together, unwilling to speak first.

 

A little surprised as how much the memory pulled at his chest, Aki wondered if he should end their afternoon together and head back to his apartment. He'd have nothing to do but ponder his issues with Ueno back at home, but sitting in silence and solitude had to be more pleasant than this. A lump formed and grew in his throat. Why were all of his available options so shitty?

 

There were too many why-related questions in his head. Why couldn't he find the right words for Ueno? Why was he so inept at compartmentalizing and dealing with his past? Why couldn't he just ask his father the questions that were killing him inside?

 

"Ah." Aki's father looked his way, expression pinched, pained. "I guess we were right."

 

_Right about what?_ Aki fixed his questioning gaze on his father.

 

"About how you were feeling about… everything. We were expecting you to be angry at first, but we didn't really think it would last."

 

Aki had no plan on how to respond, though he knew this conversation would be inevitable at some point. He'd rather have had his statement rehearsed, but before he could consider his words, they flew from his lips like projectile vomit and Aki helplessly observed himself ruin what could have been a calm dialogue.

 

"You threw me away, Dad. How is someone supposed to feel after that?"

 

His father didn't look surprised, only resigned.

 

"Son. We wanted you to see it as a chance to heal, not as abandonment. When we told you of our plans, you were obviously unhappy with our decision, but still you complied so readily. At the time, I assumed that you were only angry because we had sent you away without your input. I was sure that once you moved and got settled, that you would actually _enjoy_ living with your uncle. And you did, didn't you? You two got along much better than we ever did."

 

Aki wrung his fingers together in his lap, not sure what was happening to him. His brain wasn't telling him what his heart was going through; he had no idea if he was angry or hurt. And who was he supposed to be mad at right now?

 

"Son, you need to know that we weren't happy with our decision, but at the time it did seem like the most reasonable option. It took a lot of convincing from your uncle to get us to agree to it. I wanted badly to explain everything we were feeling, what factors played into that decision, but you were so angry I didn't feel that you would try to process it right then." His father sighed.

 

Aki's brain urged him to tell his father to stop, that rehashing the night and what had led up to it would do nothing but cause him pain. And at the same time, his heart wanted to know that he hadn't been undesired, that there was some very logical explanation for their separation. But he didn't want that logical reason to be his uncle's persuasive skill. Or maybe he did.

 

"It was never our intention to wreck your life in order to repair your sister's. Our relationship was strained as it was, and your uncle's suggestion seemed so promising, since your relationship with him was good. I was sure you'd eventually be happier there, and you were."

 

Their relationship hadn't be _good_ since Aki had crept up on puberty.

 

"When we had Fumi admitted, your mother spent the whole weekend cleaning the house, preparing for you, itching to get you back into your room. She had no qualms about ripping you away from him and dragging you home if that's what it took. I can't remember the last time I'd seen her so driven. But we knew how well you were doing in your new home, and even though we wanted to try, I decided to cancel that plan, against your mother's wishes. Your mother didn't care, but uprooting you again simply didn't make any sense when you were doing better there than at home. Your uncle told us how your overall mood was much more even, sometimes even upbeat, and I realized that he was doing a much better job at keeping your happy than we ever had." His father glanced off to the side. "Your mother wouldn't speak to me for days."

 

Aki's eyes tingled. _Happy?_ What other shit had his uncle fed his parents behind his back? Had they really been led to believe that Aki was better away from them?

 

Dumb question, really. Of course his uncle would lie.

 

"And we were certain you weren't interested in speaking to us about it; nearly every time we tried to call your cell phone directly, we got voice mail right away. We gave up, which was the wrong choice to make. You should have always been welcome at home. We didn't try hard enough. We should never have considered separation as an option, no matter how competent your uncle was in keeping you happy.

 

We want you in our lives. Fully. Even if Fumi was still in the house, we'd find a way to make it work with both of you, instead of rearranging the family. Son, the way I handled things a year ago is my biggest regret. Your mother and I both love you. Mami, Fumi- we _adore_ you. I made a horrible, horrible mistake in how I treated and attempted to manage you. We never expected you to resent us in the end, but we can't expect much else."

 

Telling his father that he was fine would be false but Aki was used to lies. He swallowed hard in preparation, but words wouldn't come. His hands shifted from the tabletop to rest in his lap again, fingers pulling at one another in a tell of anxiety.

 

"Aki."

 

Aki met his father's eyes, and saw that the usual cheer in his gaze was gone, replaced with what he understood as uncertainty.

 

"Can I take you home, at least for today? I'll take you back to the apartment and give you some time to gather some clothes and whatever else you may need. Your mother and I would love to spend the day with you. I can drop you off at the university tomorrow morning in time for class."

 

Normally, any mention of time spent in that house, saturated with foul memories and guilt, would have Aki running for the hills. Even so, Aki nodded, the motion jerky.

 

Aki had dreaded the eventuality of this conversation, and even though he was apprehensive now, his heart had cried out, demanding an explanation that his brain insisted he didn't need. He had been quite content in resenting his family, but-

 

A muffled chime interrupted his thoughts. He watched quietly as his father unearthed his phone and stared briefly at the display. "Hmm. It's my son-in-law. Any idea why he's calling me?"

 

Aki shook his head, mute and wondering himself. Ueno _would_ be the type to quit his job because of what happened between them. To make things easier, he'd probably insist. To keep them from running into one another, or to avoid his father's questioning.

 

He watched as his father answered the call, eyebrow raised. "Hello, son."

 

There was a quick pause before his father straightened in his seat and his brow furrowed in concern. "What is it, son? Are you sitting down? Well, please do so. Okay. What happened?"

 

Aki stared at his father in growing confusion as the older man wrapped his free arm around himself and bit at his lower lip while he listened. "Oh, I see. Is there anything I can do to help? Are you still at the hospital?" Aki clenched his hands in his lap as he listened to his father's stilted end of the conversation, his fingers instantly icy. Alarm felt like a cold fist clamped around his heart, chilling his blood and cooling his extremities.

 

"Shh, child. It's fine. I would never penalize you over something like this. Don't worry about work; just keep me posted. I hope everyth- son. _Son_. Please, just try something for me. Take a deep, slow breath for me. Through your nose. Good, now hold it for three. That's it. Now let it out. Slowly. Again, come on."

 

Was it possible to feel all the blood drain out of one's body? It was a cooler day, with winter fast approaching, but this type of frigid wasn't brought on by the lower temperature. In the few hours they were apart, what had happened? Had Ueno broken something? Fallen?

 

"There you go. I know nothing I say will make you feel any better, but know that I'm here if you need anything. Please call or text whenever you need to, okay? Let me know if I can be of any help. At all, please."

 

Aki barely managed to keep still while his father ended the call, but once the older man lowered his hand to set his phone down, Aki unleashed.

 

Or tried to.

 

"Dad? W-what."

 

His father held up a hand, stopping the jittery interrogation short. "Before you get all worked up, _Ueno_ is fine. Stressed and panicked, but unharmed."

 

What? "But didn't- you said hospital, and why would he-"

 

"He's been at the hospital all day, with his family. His grandfather experienced a mild cardiac episode, but he's stable. His grandmother called him first, and from the sounds of it, described it in a more dramatic fashion. He said that she was dazed, probably in some sort of shock and not thinking clearly, so Ueno had to call an ambulance for them and notify his family."

 

"But apparently, while Ueno was busy calling everyone, she got the idea in her head to get him downstairs and presentable for the medics. He was unsteady, most likely, and she was agitated, so they both ended up falling down the stairs. So on top of the cardiac episode, he now has a fractured pelvis and concussion. His grandmother fared much better; lots of bruises, but no breaks or fractures."

 

Aki ran his finger down the condensation on his water glass, an odd mixture of relief and empathy shallowing out his breathing. "Is he- so they'll both be okay?"

 

"According to Ueno, they'll both recover, though his grandfather is staying for testing, which makes sense. I'm sure they want to run a full panel and make sure this isn't a precursor to anything more serious. They'll need to manage his pain and keep him under observation regarding his concussion. Ueno's anxious, though, of course. They're all going to spend some time preparing for a move."

 

"What?"

 

Aki's father shrugged. "Ueno said that he was going to be packing, but he didn't elaborate."

 

"Oh." Aki blinked, pulling at his fingers.

 

His father whistled. "Talk about mayhem. It looks like everything hit Ueno after his grandparents were assessed and decisions were made. He was… quite panicked. Shaky."

 

Work and school. Aging family. Injuries. Packing for something, apparently. Ueno was likely stressed over it all at once.

 

Oh. And Aki would be remiss to leave out that Ueno had a basket case boyfriend. One who clocked him in the jaw and revealed his disturbing through processes mere hours ago. 

 

Ex-boyfriend, from the looks of things.

 

Still, Aki needed to overlook that fact. It was doubtful that Ueno would even answer the phone if Aki called; he had a ton on his plate and Aki would flub up any attempt to offer comfort. He couldn't just _sit_ here while Ueno ran around, all distressed, though.

 

He rose from his chair to fish his phone from his pocket, only to stare at the dark screen, struggling through his indecision. His hand shook, the mobile device wavering in front of him.

 

"Son."

 

Aki looked up to see his father gazing at him, eyes kind and sympathetic.

 

"I'm sure you want to check on him yourself and be of some help, but perhaps it would be best for you to just leave him a text for now, and wait until a little later to call. Let him know he's on your mind and he can call you if he needs to. But then, just give him a little time to deal with all of this. I'm sure that his entire family is in a frenzy right now."

 

Was a _text_ even appropriate after what had happened? Did he even have the right to bother him? What if he stressed Ueno out even further? Ueno had to fix every situation, to give everything he had. He'd worry about his entire family before he took care of himself; Aki bet Ueno was already stretched too thin.

 

And, because Ueno was _Ueno_ , he probably wouldn't expect a text from Aki, not after what must have felt like rejection in Ueno's bedroom earlier.

 

Though… if the tables were turned and Aki was in a panic, Ueno would be the first person he'd want to hear from, probably the only person that could bring Aki any solace. Granted, Ueno's family dynamic was completely different and he had to have _tons_ of kin he could take comfort in, numerous people to offer him what he needed, so it wasn't exactly the same. Aki's web of trusted people was connected with exponentially less strands. Ueno probably didn't need him to make it through this.

 

Still, Aki nodded his acknowledgment to his father and brought his phone out of hibernation. It took a couple of tries to open his running text window with Ueno, but seconds later, he began tapping out his awkward attempt at helping, at letting Ueno know that he was still there, that he loved Ueno more than anything, that he was shit at helping but he wanted to do anything he could.

 

Knowing without a doubt that Ueno was in distress was unsettling enough, but having a wall erected over an unrelated misunderstanding of course made it all the worse. He had been free before, to at least have the chance to flub up the attempt. Now, he was fearful to even reach out.

 

His father offered a reasonable solution. Reluctant to admit his father's suggestion sounded pretty darn solid, he nevertheless dug deep and tried to be what Ueno had always been to him. What he ached to be for Ueno in return. 

 

_"I know you're angry, but-"_

 

No.

 

_"I don't know if we're still talking right now, but-"_

 

Ugh.

 

_"I messed up, but I want you to-"_

 

Crap. No. Keep it simple.

 

_"I love you. I'm here."_

 

It was all he had, really. All he could think to say that didn’t open a cans of worms, that didn't fuel any fires. Simple and true. Aki hit _send_ before he lost his nerve.

 

_Here goes nothing._

 

And everything.

 


End file.
